


For Glory of Irk

by Coraline_Call



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Action/Adventure, Backstory, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Irken Empire (Invader Zim), Irkens (Invader Zim), M/M, Mild Crossover, Multi, Other, Plot, Science Fiction, implied crossover - Freeform, irken lore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 255,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coraline_Call/pseuds/Coraline_Call
Summary: Nine years after landing on Earth and things are not going well for Zim. Trapped on this wretched planet and isolated from his people- the feisty Irken Invader had just about gone crazy trying to entertain himself. However things start to change when an old companion from Irk shows back up. With Skoodge comes an entirely new array of problems, not just with blending in on Earth- but with something sinister going on back on Irk. As things continue to spiral out of control it falls on Zim and whatever allies he can muster to try and stop an impending disaster that puts both planets at risk. But as the time draws near, Zim must unite with questionable forces, make difficult decisions, and come to terms with the fact that his beloved planet Irk might not be the paradise he recalls. It's time for a change, for the Irken people, for continued survival, and most of all, for the glory of Irk. UPDATED FRIDAYS!
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Purple & Original Irken Character(s), Almighty Tallest Red/Zim, Dib (Invader Zim)/Original Character(s), Invader Skoodge/Zim, Professor Membrane/Other(s), RAZR, ZASR - Relationship
Comments: 215
Kudos: 110





	1. T-To-Toast

**Author's Note:**

> While this contains elements of crossover (such as alien races and occasional characters here and there) it takes place entirely in the Invader Zim universe. No knowledge of other franchises is required to enjoy the story! If you do see someone or something you recognize feel free to mention it!

  
"So, what does it do exactly?" Dib tilted his head to the side as he squinted through the lenses of oversized glasses at the tiny silver box in Zim's hand. 

"It turns anything beginning with the letter 'T" into toast." Zim replied proudly. To demonstrate, he had GIR push a small potted tree into the center of the room. A button was pressed, lights flashed, and a piece of toast was now sitting upright in the dirt. Dib opened his mouth to respond, then simply closed it again as words could not accurately express his current thought process. 

Not that it was easy to think, as GIR had taken the moment of "stunned" silence to pick up the toast and begin chomping on it as loudly as possible. For a being that did not possess teeth or a digestive system, GIR seemed to revolve a lot of his daily activity on food. (In all honesty this whole invention sounded like GIR's idea). 

"Wh-" Dib began to pose the question but Zim cut him off. 

"Because it makes GIR shut up for ten minutes that's why! What do you want from me!?" The response was greeted with silence from the human and an excited squeal from the robot. Zim's antenna twitched and he crossed his arms indignantly. "It's not world ending- but I'm not doing that whole "world domination" thing anymore so this is what you get! You get toast! Are you happy now you filthy worm baby? Your planet is safe. The Tallest aren't coming." 

There it was. It had been a few months since Zim's last communication with the leaders of the Irken Empire and from what Dib was able to glean from Zim's angry outbursts and GIR's mostly incomprehensible rambling- something very severe had taken place during the exchange. Whatever it had been, it made ZIM more docile toward the humans- or at the very least, disinterested. This would have been the perfect time to take him in and prove his point once and for all- but Dib had grown quite a bit older himself and the idea seemed needlessly cruel. Zim had been a threat at one time, but over the years he had become more of a nuisance, then a mild inconvenience, and eventually just someone to spend Thursday nights chasing around. The older Dib got, the less interested Zim seemed to be as well. (It occurred to Dib now, that their fights were nothing more than an elaborate game to his Irken foe (or friend). It was just one Zim could take too far). 

So here he was, sitting on the couch as Zim--outside of his disguise-- showed off increasingly weird creations in order to kill time. 

"I think it's fine. Reminds me of some of the stuff dad makes." Dib spoke at last. Zim's reflective, pink eyes narrowed as he remained unconvinced of Dib's compliment. "It's got a bit of an arbitrary rule but I mean-" 

"ARBITRARY RULES ARE WHAT MAKES IT FUN TO USE! WITHOUT THEM THINGS ARE TOO EASY!" an accusatory claw was pointed in Dib's direction and he held up his hands passively. 

"Right, right, sorry." Zim had definitely been more on edge since the incident in question. The inventions he had brought to show Dib had become steadily stranger. The whole thing had Dib worried, which was shocking given that until this point, he had never really cared about much outside of his current obsessions. (The current obsession of the week was a supposed blurry figure seen in the skyline. Dib had initially thought it was Mothman- but the silhouette was all wrong). "I guess I don't get it because I'm a human." 

"EXACTLY!" 

Dib tried (unsuccessfully) to hide an eye-roll and that simply earned him a (well deserved) glower from his alien host. “So, what else do you have?” He gestured to the vast expanse around him. While the weirdest thing in the current room was the creepy monkey painting Dib had always secretly hated- he knew that Zim’s base housed many more exciting inventions than a T-to-Toast machine. It was just a matter of getting Zim on the right track. The Irken had always been easily distracted, and recently things had been worse. “Weren’t you working on upgrading your security system or something?” 

“Yes, I have already finished.” Zim retorted, annoyed. “I took some old computers from Earth and combined them with superior Irken tech. I’ll demonstrate.” He jumped up on the couch cushion standing beside Dib who was sitting, only now able to look at him at eye level (puberty had been not-so-surprisingly kind to Dib, given he was his father’s clone. He had gotten quite tall). “Hit me.” He demanded, puffing his chest out. 

Dib blinked, took a swig from the thermos he had filled with coffee that morning, and shrugged. “Okay.” He reared back and slugged the alien full force in the face. Zim must have been expecting a different result because Dib laid him out flat with the hit. Zim’s PAK legs extended and pulled him up off of the floor as he massaged his jaw. The circular, bulbous eyes had narrowed in an angry glower, his antennae were tilted far back. 

“C.B!” Zim shouted letters angrily at his ceiling. Dib was beyond the point where he would find this weird, and simply went back to enjoying cold coffee. “Why did you not defend your master!? Why did you not defend ZIM!?” 

“ **The attack was staged. Threat level was nonexistent.** ” A synthetic voice responded, resonating from all around. Zim’s house had always been able to talk- a sentient, central computer was nothing new- but this one was distinctly different. The voice, while still electronically tinny, was more human sounding, or at least more alive. The lighting in the house dimmed and a central blue light illuminated a hologram of a humanoid figure wearing some sort of helmet with a single, large ocular lens in the lower center and four smaller lenses forming a symmetrical V on the face of the mask. The only feature visible was the mouth which was rather inexpressive. While it had human like features (from what Dib could tell) such as ears and hair, the color scheme was clearly inhuman: all blues and whites for the skin tone.

GIR let out an excited squeal at the hologram’s appearance, and began running back and forth, through its legs, making the image glitch with every pass. 

“Zim was doing a demonstration!” 

“ **How was I supposed to know that?** ” The head of the hologram tilted to one side quizzically. 

“It should have been obvious!” 

“ **You asked a human to punch you. They are weak and slow compared to you, sir. Had the attack been real, it still would not have been very threatening.** ” It seemed as if, despite the humanoid features the computer still had a very Irken view of the human race. 

“You have failed me C.B.” 

“ **But you were not-** ” 

“FAILED!” Zim pointed angrily at the hologram. Dib watched in momentary silence trying to figure out just how something with only its mouth showing, could still look so exasperated. It was honestly impressive. 

“ **Sir, I did not fail there was no-** ” 

“SILENCE! You failed Zim! Go to your room!” C.B. looked completely at a loss for a second; Dib could see that it was contemplating a further argument, but instead, just shimmered out of view. 

“ **Awwwww, Imma miss that guy.** ” GIR whined, flopping onto the floor where the hologram had been projected, and making a crying sound. The mourning lasted only a few seconds before the mad robot let out a laugh and began spinning on its head in place. 

“Impressive.” Dib gave a little nod of approval. “I like how it let me punch you.” 

“That was not supposed to happen.” Zim jumped over the spinning GIR and sat back on the couch. He sighed, the antennae drooping. “C.B. still needs work.” 

“So, what does it stand for?” 

“Eh?” 

“C.B. what does it stand for?” 

“Computer Base.” Zim replied flatly. Dib felt a little disappointed by how much sense that made. “He still needs work, though.” 

“I like the hologram thing.” 

“Really?” a single antenna lifted. “I hate it. But C.B. made it himself and I can’t convince him to make it more Irken- I must have used too much from your Earth computers.” Zim went quiet for a moment seemingly lost in thought. “Haven’t things changed with you?” He looked back to Dib quite suddenly. “You got kicked out?” 

Now it was Dib’s turn to glare. “I wasn’t _kicked out_. I moved into the dorms. I’m graduating college this year and that means I’m an adult. I don’t need dad, or Gaz, or robots to do things for me. I’m living life on my own- my own boss.” He pushed his glasses up his nose, smirking with a new found confidence. His phone buzzed and flashed and a barrage of text messages caused Dib to flop back on Zim’s couch with an exasperated groan. 

“You’re buzzing.” Zim pointed out helpfully. 

“Hang on it’s my roommate.” Dib pulled the phone out. “It was supposed to be a single room but apparently you have to wake up at like the ass-crack of dawn to register for a single and that’s basically when I go to bed so how was I supposed to know I needed to be on the registration page!? How was anyone!?” He let out a frustrated huff as he scrolled through the messages. 

**ROOMMATE (5:45 PM):** Hey made extra food- left you a plate wrapped up in the fridge if you want it since all you seem to buy is Poop Cola. 

**ROOMMATE: (5:50 PM):** Also when was the last time you actually did your laundry? I just threw yours in with mine. 

**ROOMMATE: (6:02 PM):** Also noticed you forgot to take the trash out when you left? 

**ROOMMATE: (6:02 PM):** Were you going to do it when you came back? 

**ME: (6:05 PM):** Yeah, sorry

**ROOMMATE: (6:05 PM):** Thanks! Don’t wake me up if you are coming back at a weird time like you have the last three nights! 

“It seems you are not quite as independant as you are leading me to believe.” Zim smirked. 

“Stop reading my texts!” Dib held his phone up over his head as Zim reached for it. Dib put his other hand on Zim’s forehead and held him off with ease. Dib heard a metallic whirring sound and let out a cry, rolling off the couch as a spiked PAK legs buried themselves in the cushions on which Dib had just been laying. “No no no! No PAK that’s cheating!”

“Well then don’t use your freakishly long arms to hide things from Zim!” 

“You tried to stab my head!”

“That is your head’s fault for being so large!” 

“ **Master, someone is at the door** **.** ” C.B.’s warning was drowned out as Zim lifted himself with the legs of his PAK making a grab for the phone.

“Give it to meeee! Zim wishes to see your humiliating messages!”

“ **Master?** ”

“No way! It’s my phone!”

" **I am not paid enough to deal with this.** " C.B's grumble faded into nothing. 

" **OOOOOO Someone wants to VISIT!** " In the chaos, GIR got to his feet, waddling over to the door. He looked up at the ceiling but C.B made no motion to stop him as he reached toward the door. 

Zim had finally managed to knock over Dib and had almost managed to wrangle the phone free when a voice caused him to stop dead in his tracks. It was only then that he realized the door was open, his disguise was off, and he was staring at someone he had no seen in quite some time.

“Skoodge?”

* * *

Author's Note: I did a little bit of art to get myself into the writing mood (it has been a while since I have written fan fiction) so please enjoy as a bonus!

[Random Art from Chapter 1](https://imgur.com/mcgEHCe)

[More Random Art from Chapter 1](https://imgur.com/e3v0fm5)


	2. Invader Skoodge

Skoodge had become disillusioned with Irk.

It was hard to say exactly when this had happened- even after being put on a planet doomed to be his unmaking he still held to his beliefs that he was bettering the Empire. It was in his programming after all- the PAK insisted that orders by the Tallest were orders for the benefit of Irken kind. Thus, the Invader did as he was trained to do: and infiltrated a world of devouring rat people.

Successfully.

It was then he found himself a sacrifice, strapped to a device meant to devastate the planet he had successfully conquered. But still he had gone along with what he was told. Irkens were nearly indestructible after all- the perfect predator. A mere planet-wide detonation of an armed warhead was nothing compared to Irken survivability. So he found his way back to his Tallest. Promises were made and Skoodge found himself cast out again. This time to Hobo Thirteen.

This time, with Irken defect Zim.

He knew Zim. He had known him for quite some time- even before the name had become synonymous in their language with: catastrophic failure. It was seeing Zim given the same story that he had heard from the Tallest that finally caused him to accept his standing in the ranks. He was a top Invader, he was a master at blending in, he was the textbook definition of what he needed to be in order to excel in the Irken army- to permeate the defenses on unsuspecting worlds and plant the seeds of destruction for the Irken Empire.

And yet he was short.

Thus despite all of his actual accomplishments, he would never be able to rise in rank. The whole situation may have been funny had it been happening to someone else.

So, it was with determination and bitterness that Skoodge took the final plunge. If he was going to be spending his time as bait- one step above the actual corpses on the battle field- then he might as well just vanish all together. It was not going to be easy, and to avoid being tracked, Skoodge would need to make some rather… risky adjustments to his PAK. (Not that he thought he would be worth tracking, but it was better to be safe than sorry).

All of this thinking is what had lead him here; to a little house with blowfish out front and an unconvincing flag boasting a love for Earth that contrasted against the grim, gritty landscape it claimed to adore. The uncanny and unblinking eyes of poorly designed gnomes followed him as he made his way to what could only be the door to a human bathroom.

Ah yes, Zim had never been the best at research. He was one to skim the outline and try to fill in the glaring holes with whatever he thought made sense. It was a poorly designed process for any Irken- but for Zim- it was worse. A defect had no distinct form of logic, it is what made them so glaringly dangerous to the structure of Irken society. Ah yes, even as a smeet Zim had done his irreversible damages to the planet. And still, Skoodge knew that the best way to vanish from an empire would be to hide in the one place no one wanted to be looking. 

He raised a hand, disguise in place (it was a hologram of a human designed to flawlessly fool locals while still identifying him as Irken to his fellows) and knocked on the door. It had been quite some time since he had seen Zim, but maybe the distance had been good for the defect.

He waited, and waited, and gradually he knocked again.

The door finally opened and Zim's SIR was standing before him looking up with bright glowing, blue eyes. " **OH BOY! IT'S THE PIZZA**!"

"Skoodge?" Zim was on top of a weird, black and peach looking creature with primitive ocular accessories. It must have been one of the humans- a native species to Earth (Skoodge had done quite a bit of research to blend in; though it seemed this would be unnecessary as Zim was without his disguise rolling on the floor with this being. It must have been a game as Zim could easily have killed the human by this point, had that been the intent).

"Zim…" Skoodge stepped forward, stumbling a bit as he realized the SIR unit had started to clamber up his body searching for something he clearly did not have. Skoodge was thankful he had the forethought to close the door because the SIR had deactivated his holographic disguise with all its poking and prodding. Zim hopped off the human and pulled the SIR off with some difficulty as the human scrambled to its feet.

" **Awww master, why'd he steal my pizza!?** " The SIR let out a small whine.

"Not now, GIR, go in the other room and monitor our perimeter." He ushered the SIR away and it bounded off into a nearby wall, colliding with it and then just sitting on the floor in front of it as if no orders had been given. Skoodge had been there when the SIR was issued to Zim, he knew it was… " _glitchy_ " but this was beyond comprehension. It was a wonder that Zim had not been killed by the locals due to his SIR's incompetence. "Skoodge, what are you doing here?"

"Hey! It's one of those aliens like you! He's Irken!" The human looked excited. "You know this guy?" He knelt down to be more level with the Irkens. Skoodge's antennae both stood up as he took a defensive pose, teeth bared. Zim shook his head.

"No it's fine. This is my human pet."

"I am not a pet!" The human remarked indignantly. "I'm Zim's friend, old arch rival."

"Shut up human filth, the Irkens are talking!" Zim, clenched his fists, aggressively invading the human's space. The human made a face and simply shoved Zim to the side to get a better look at Skoodge. If Zim had truly not wanted to be moved, he would not have been tossed away so easily. Thus, Skoodge was able to determine that this human was no real threat. It might have been some sort of… weird friendship. It would take a lot to befriend a destructive force such as Zim. But if you could get through the mayhem and chaos- he was an absolutely brilliant mind. And right now, he was about the only Irken who might be willing to help Skoodge.

"So you're another Invader? I mean… you and Zim kind of have the same uniform going on- is that like an indicator of your rank?"

"I was an Invader… of sorts." Skoodge waved the question away "Zim, I wanted to talk to you…" He looked at the human who was inching closer to him, visibly fighting the urge to touch him. He batted a curious hand away. "Alone."

"Ah- yes.." Zim frowned. "Dib you are dismissed."

"Dismissed? Are you fucking serious right now?"

"GET OUT YOU MONKEY SLIME!" Zim pointed dramatically toward the door. Skoodge watched as the human seemed to weigh all his options before reluctantly grabbing a bag off the floor. "I'm just going to find everything out from GIR later." He shrugged. "See you tomorrow Zim."

"Yes yes, I will see you tomorrow you piece of Earth trash now get out of my lair." The human exited with only a little nudging from Zim and the Irken defect closed the door behind it. "Skoodge, what on Irk has brought you here!?"

"I wanted to see you Zim." It was clear from the expression on the fellow Invader's face, that the comment had caught him quite off his guard. "I needed to talk to you. Things aren't going great for me on Irk right now." He paused, antenna sticking up straight. "The human is listening in- outside.." he glanced toward the window.

"He'll do that- it's fine. He won't tell anyone and even if he does no one will believe him." Zim waved a hand dismissively. "Nothing has ever been great for Skoodge on Irk. You are short and fat. What changed to make it so now you care?"

"Wow." Skoodge had been told about his appearance many times, and honestly it was easy to wave off the insults. It was just Zim's matter-of-fact tone that had surprised him. "Look I know I'm not a tallest or anything but I'm still good at my job."

"Ah yes, Zim heard about your successes on Blorch." It was a little odd to hear Zim speaking in the formal, Irken third-person when talking to Skoodge of all people; but it made the squat invader realize that, despite his insults, Zim did at least respect his accomplishments.

"That's impressive since I wasn't actually credited for them."

"Zim noticed that too…" He didn't seem to have much to say on that matter. "Is that why you came here? Because the Tallest won't acknowledge your accomplishments?" Now that the matter of his success was out of the picture, Skoodge noticed Zim's polite speech was wavering back into colloquial Irken.

"No. Well… yes… but not just that." Skoodge took a deep breath. "Look, Zim, I know you're at odds with the Empire right now too and-" Skoodge did not get a chance to finish his thought as, just at that moment, volts of electricity went surging up through the floor directly into his PAK. For a moment, Skoodge saw an array of colors, then, nothing at all.

Zim just blinked as his fellow Irken began seizing out and sparking mid sentence. For a moment he just wondered if this was part of some sort of game of charades- but since charades was an entirely Earthly concept and thus an Irken like Skoodge should have no knowledge of it, the odds of that seemed incredibly unlikely.

"C.B!"

" **The Irken threat has been temporarily neutralized.** " 

"Irken threat!? C.B., he has been here for _FIVE MINUTES_! WHY ARE YOU ONLY **_JUST NOW_ **DEFENDING YOUR MASTER!?!?"

" **Oh. I wasn't paying attention**."

"Why is every robot I work with just awful?"

C.B. seemed content to ignore the comment. A mechanical arm reached from the ceiling, lifting Skoodge by his PAK. " **Shall I exterminate the Irken intruder?"**

"No. Just, take him to the lab. I will wake him up. You try to-" Zim was cut off as the PAK on Skoodge's back popped off far too easily in the mechanical claw's grip.

" **Oops**."

"MOTHRA DAMN IT C.B!!! JUST GET HIM TO MY LAB!" Now things had moved from a mild annoyance to an actual emergency for Skoodge. "You can let Dib back in but for Mothra's sake TRY not to accidentally kill him!"

" **May I kill him on purpose?"**

"What!? NO! Just focus on helping your Master in the lab." Zim grabbed Skoodge's body, hoisting it onto his back and rushing to his lab elevator.

" **But his freakishly large head makes me uncomfortable**."

"It makes everyone uncomfortable C.B., it is just something you will learn to accept." The elevator dropped more quickly than normal (which Zim appreciated, at least C.B. respected the urgency of the situation) toward the lab. Zim disembarked quickly and found his supplies already laid out and waiting (Maybe C.B. wasn't such a terrible A.I.) as Zim plopped Skoodge up on the table.

As Zim turned over his fellow Irken, and started to get to work, he had a moment of silence to reflect on just how strange this day had become. Whatever it was Skoodge had wanted to discuss with him, it had better be important.

* * *

[Chapter 2 Doodles](https://imgur.com/a/0MGv0Yz)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all of your feedback! I am hoping to keep with a regular update schedule; so please expect updates every Friday for this story! Again feel free to tell me what you think if the story! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. The  Collective

“Hand me  th -”  Zim cut off as the tool he was looking for was already being offered forward by one of the many mechanical arms that were laced throughout the base. He was doing his best to re-attach the PAK on  Skoodge’s back. From the look of things, it had never been attached properly to begin with. It bothered  Zim just a bit that, for all of  Skoodge’s life, he had been to the PAK technicians many times. (Admittedly, some of those visits were because of  Zim , back in the days of  training ). Surely someone should have noticed it was not properly installed. 

He wordlessly took the next tool from C.B. as he continued. It was not the job he had been coded for, but  Zim knew a good bit about PAK repair. It had been a necessity back in his Elite Training given how many times he would get injured. 

He didn’t recall  Skoodge ever complaining about an ill-fitting PAK, but admittedly,  Zim had not paid much attention to  Skoodge back in his training days. Despite the fact that the two had been partners in their schooling,  Zim was often busy with other things. 

“ ** You think he’s still got the pizza ** ?” Unblinking glowing blue eyes peered over the edge of the table.  Zim narrowed his eyes. 

“He’s not the pizza guy, GIR. He’s  Skoodge , a fellow  Irken invader like myself. Do you understand that?” The robot tilted its head to the side. 

“ ** Yeah! ** ”

“Do you really?”

“ ** Noooooo ** .” At least GIR was being honest. 

“C.B., deal with this.  Zim has no time for GIR’s games!” While the immediate danger for  Skoodge had passed,  Zim had decided to fix the connectors on his back to- hopefully- stop this from happening again. Why? He wasn’t exactly sure, but  Skoodge had come all this way and  Zim’s computer had nearly killed him, so maybe it was just  Zim’s way of apologizing. 

A metal arm came down from the ceiling and picked the SIR up by its torso. GIR giggled and flailed wildly as he vanished into the ceiling. “ ** I’M GOIN’ TO SPACE! ** ” GIR’s cheer faded eventually into nothing as  Zim let out a long sigh. 

“You didn’t actually launch him into space, did you?”  Zim had  to be sure. 

“ ** No. I simply dumped him on the human upstairs. Why? Did you want me to launch him? It would not be  ** ** hard; ** ** we still have that old canon in the weapons area. ** ”

Zim had to think about it for a moment before finally shaking his head. “No, no leaving him with the human filth is fine.” It wasn’t like he had too much left to do. It was just delicate work and he did not feel like allowing GIR to run amok in his lab while he had  Skoodge’s central nervous system open and on display. Dib could handle GIR for a little while, and if he couldn’t, that was really more of a Dib problem.

More time passed and  Zim finally had fully reattached the PAK to  Skoodge’s back. It was even better than before, if he was being honest. At least- in his opinion it was. Really the final judge on the matter would be  Skoodge .  Zim reset the PAK and after only a few seconds  Skoodge’s eyes fluttered back open and PAK legs unfolded themselves rapidly, making a jab for  Zim who easily blocked with his own metallic PAK legs. He had anticipated a reaction like this, since  Skoodge had technically been attacked by  Zim’s (slightly faulty) security. 

“ Zim .”  Skoodge blinked back into the moment and the legs withdrew back into his PAK. He rolled his shoulders turning his head to look more at his back. “Did you fix my PAK?”

“It was easy.”  Zim waved it off before  Skoodge looked too far into the action. “But you have not explained why you decided to come here.”  Skoodge’s antennae drooped at the almost accusatory tone in  Zim’s voice. He sighed. 

“I don’t want to be a part of Irk any more. I’m nothing to them. I want to disconnect from the Collective. Like you did.” 

“You _ want  _ to disconnect!?” 

The Collective.

It was the center of being  Irken . It linked you to others, connecting Irkens as one despite the exanses of the universe that separated them. It made Irkens into something far greater than just themselves. All  Irkens were linked to the Collective through their PAKs from table drones to Tallest. It was the very essence of their race. While it was not a true hive mind in the sense that all minds were linked to one, controlling source- it was the ever-present knowledge that you were  Irken and that you were never, truly alone. 

“I’m worried if I  don’t, they may come looking for me.” 

“I hardly think that you are worth the time it would take to find you.”  Zim was being a little harsh, but the mention of the Collective and disconnecting from it had put him on edge. To be forced out of the Collective was so... lonely. It was an unspeakable feeling of isolation as if every thought you had was just being screamed into an empty void when there used to be an audience the size of a planet. It was the harshest punishment an  Irken could receive.

“You’re probably right. It sounds crazy to say it out loud.”  Skoodge laughed, most likely feeling the shift in the tone of  Zim’s words. He could see the harshness in those round, crimson eyes. “But! It’s actually a good thing I came anyway.” He let the subject drop for now. 

“Is it?”  Zim was starting to regret fixing the PAK.

“There are a few things I  wanted to discuss with you. I mean, you talked so highly of Earth back on Hobo Thirteen. I wanted to see it for myself.” 

“I feel like there is more to it than tourism...”  Zim was a tad confused by  Skoodge’s aloofness until he heard the elevator doors swing open and a screaming robot was thrown full force into his face. Zim, too, screamed as he tried, unsuccessfully, to pull GIR off. 

“ ** Hiya master ** !”

“DON’T leave me with GIR that long again!” Zim looked in the direction from which GIR had been thrown to find a very angry DIB glaring at him. 

“You’re still here?”  Zim smirked. “I would have thought you’d have given up ages ago.”

“I am not your robot baby sitter!” Dib huffed. “And I am not leaving until I get an explanation for who exactly this guy is! Is he some kind of threat? C.B took him out so I’m guessing he’s here to take you back to  Foodcortia ! You’ll have to go through me first!” Dib whipped a little hand held laser gun out of his trench coat pointing it toward  Skoodge in what Dib assumed was a threatening manner.  Skoodge looked rather nonplussed by having a weapon of unknown origin shoved in his face and just sort of looked to  Zim . 

“Is your security system just going to let this happen? He has a weapon on him and we just allow it but I have a conversation and I get electrocuted.”

“ ** I analyzed the weapon. It would hurt you but you would be fine ** .” C.B. assured him. 

“Really?”  Skoodge looked mildly annoyed.

“ ** It is a risk I am willing to take ** .”

“Dib, put it down. You’re not going to intimidate him, he survived  Blorch .” Dib looked a little annoyed that his attempt to be a bad ass cop had been so easily shot down, but put the gun back in his coat. “ Skoodge isn’t a threat, C.B. just ran security protocols a little late.”  Zim turned to  Skoodge , “Which I am very sure he  is sorry about.”

“ ** I am not ** .” 

Zim ignored him. “ Skoodge is...” he paused. “I suppose you would call it a co-worker? He just came to get away from Irk for a little while.” 

“Maybe forever.”  Skoodge piped up. 

“Right.”  Zim was not sure how he felt about the idea of having  Skoodge back in his life. The loneliness after being severed from the collective had been... debilitating.  Zim had felt so distant from his own species- like he was something else entirely. Looking at another  Irken felt almost... alien to him- more so than even looking at the hideous creature that was Dib. 

“Well I don’t trust him. Not yet.” Dib continued to give  Skoodge a skeptical look. The chubby  Irken seemed unphased by Dib’s attempts to be threatening. 

“Do you trust me?”  Zim asked, pointedly. 

“Not... entirely.” True the two had developed an odd friendship, but Dib could never be one hundred  percent convinced  Zim had truly given up on his dreams of conquest. It seemed as if the spark had been drained from him, that was true, but Dib had been fooled by h im before. 

“Right. You don’t trust anyone.”

“And I don’t trust you either if it helps!” Skoodge piped in. 

“Surprisingly it does.” Dib was sizing up the other  Irken trying to figure out if any of his old ‘ Zim -Catching’ Plans would work on this guy. 

“ ** I HEAR BEES ** !” GIR interrupted the mutual distrust, still attached to  Zim’s head. “ ** THEY WANT OUR TACOS! WE CAN’T LET THEM HAVE OUR TACOS MASTER! ** ”

“I hear buzzing too.”  Skoodge’s antennae stood up. Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s my phone guys, calm down.” He really should just put it on silent,  Irkens were far too sensitive to the vibrations and he wasn’t a fan to  Zim trying to go through his messages.

** ROOMMATE (11:36 PM): Hey your computer is going crazy. Is there a way to turn it off? **

Dib blinked at the message. He had only left basic monitoring programs running in the background when he left. Why would those be sending out alarms? It was possible one of the many programs he had been using to check for alien entrance into the atmosphere had picked up  Skoodge’s arrival, but that was hours ago (Dib was only just now seeing the time) and shouldn’t have only just now started making noises.

** ME (11:40 PM): I’ll turn it  ** ** off ** **. On my way back right now. **

“I  gotta go.” Dib shoved the phone quickly in his pocket “But when I come back tomorrow, you had better be ready to explain what is happening.”

“I feel like I’ve been pretty upfront about it. It isn’t my fault you’re stupid.”  Zim retorted. Dib simply flicked him off and headed into the elevator. The two  Irkens watched him go in a moment of silence, only broken by the sound of GIR chewing on the top of  Zim’s head. 

“He seems... interesting.”  Skoodge reached up, helping pull the SIR off of its master. 

“He’s really not.”  Zim assured him. “Tell me  Skoodge , were you really just  planning to up and move to Earth?”

“Honestly?”  Skoodge awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. “I kind of was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No art this week! I am so sorry! I have been in quarantine and my creative juices are a little drained. But I still got the new chapter up on time! I hope you are enjoying it so far! I know it's a bit of a slow build, but things will start picking up soon!


	4. A Crashed Vessel

“Clark?” Dib poked his head into the apartment and was instantly greeted with the blaring sound of his computer’s alarm. That was louder than he remembered and honestly, he was surprised he had gotten several angry phone calls after he promised he would return. 

Clar was actually Dib’s fourth attempt at a roommate- the other three having lasted about one month combined, and Clark having lasted one moth in total. Dib had a way of making people pack up and leave pretty quickly, whether it be his unusual hobbies, odd hours, or the fact that he did his research (which some called “borderline stalking”). But so far Clark had been more or less indifferent of all of Dib’s little quirks and side projects. 

“Lovely sound, isn’t it?” Even now as an alarm pierced the quiet two-bedroom apartment, Clark was simply sitting with headphones on, reading a book on the couch in the mutual living space. He pulled off the headphones, upon seeing Dib, leaving his curly black hair somewhat ruffled by the movement. He took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes, exhausted. “Been a really fun hour.” 

“Sorry about that. I should probably put a sleep timer on it. I didn’t realize how loud it was. First time it’s gone off.” He opened the door to his room and took a seat at his computer. Clark followed along behind him watching him log in and finally put a stop to the piercing wail. 

“Thank you, I forgot what peace and quiet sounded like.” He breathed a sigh of relief closing his eyes for a moment as Dib began looking at the source of the issue. The program he had designed took (not-so-legal) footage from various space probes. Dib was using them to monitor Earth, keeping an eye out for any other possible invaders. Zim had many enemies, after all, the Irken was quite proud of that fact. So, Dib had to be safe. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t just go to the RA. Get them to unlock my room for you.” Odd, the time stamp on the alarm didn’t sync up at all with when Dib assumed Skoodge had arrived. When the alarm was triggered, Skoodge was already here. 

“You’re kind of a private person. I didn’t think you’d want me going through your stuff when you aren’t here.” 

“Oh... thanks.” He was a bit surprised that he was so considerate. 

“So, what is all this anyway?” Dib had found the footage after some deep investigation. Turns out not too long ago, a blurry shape had plummeted toward Earth’s surface far too rapidly to have been an intentional landing. Skoodge had never once mentioned a crash... this was definitely something unrelated. 

“Huh?” Dib hadn’t really been paying attention to Clark; he was so enthralled by what was before him that he had nearly forgotten the other was in the room. “Oh, um... it’s just kind of a side project.” He ran the footage back, more slowly. It didn’t look like anything he had seen before on Earth, that was certain. Then again, the footage was blurry... 

“What kind of side project? Is that real?” Clark’s bright blue eyes squinted at the screen. “Looks like something out of a movie.” 

“Yeah it looks like something fell not too far from here.” Dib ran the coordinates as quickly as he could. “I’ll be heading out again.” He sent some screenshots to his phone. Zim would want to check this out too, but Dib had found it first. He pushed his chair back out and rolled away from his computer desk, getting to his feet quickly. “Sorry about the noise.” 

“No big deal, this actually looks kind of fun.” Clark followed Dib out into the main room. “Mind if I come with you?” 

“W- wait, what?” Dib wasn’t sure if he had heard the other correctly. 

“Can I come with you I mean, it’s kind of late. You shouldn’t go alone. Plus, it is all pretty crazy! It reminds me of something that would have been on that old mystery show.... _Mysterious Mysteries_! That was it! They had reruns on yesterday.” 

Now Dib was thoroughly confused. “ _You_ like _Mysterious Mysteries_?” 

“Yeah! It was a pretty crazy show. Why is that surprising?” Dib looked Clark over. He was shorter than Dib, pale skin, freckles, dark curly hair. He dressed in a flannel over-shirt with a T-shirt and jeans. He looked like a country boy (save for the sneakers rather than traditional boots)- which was expected given the thick accent. (It had taken some adjustment on Dib’s part just to understand whatever Clark was saying at any given point in time.) 

“It’s just... I figured you were out on the ranch when you were younger- lassoing buffalo or whatever you used to do.” Dib was mostly teasing, and Clark laughed. He didn’t want to admit that Clark just didn’t look like the kind of person who shared his interests. 

“My parents are military. You are aware Texas isn’t just one big ranch, right?” He seemed genuine amused. “So, you want to take your car or my truck?” 

“You seriously want to come along to find some unidentified _thing_ that fell out of the sky?” He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to deal with hiding information, just in case this was Irken. However, it was the first time someone had seemed genuinely interested in his hobby and, honestly, it felt kind of nice to hear the offer. 

“Yeah! It could be military, if it is, I can tell my moms. They can report it to their superiors. But who knows,” he wiggled his fingers dramatically. “Maybe it’s aliens~” 

“Do you not believe in aliens?” Dib raised an eyebrow. 

“I find it a possibility. The universe is infinitely large and it is just unlikely that we are the only planet capable of developing intelligent life.” It was a vague answer, but it wasn’t an immediate shut down. Dib would accept it. He would also have to accept that he was bringing his roommate along on this possible recovery mission. He would have killed for an opportunity like this back in school- so why was it after he had made his peace with Zim that he found someone who might be willing to give his cryptid talk and actual chance? 

It was frustrating to be sure. 

“Come on, we can take my car.” He wanted to make sure he would be in charge of the stereo. “I have the directions programmed in my phone already.” 

“This is going to be fun!” Usually Dib went alone on these sorts of “hunts for the unknown”. Occasionally, he would be able to convince Gaz to go with him, but Clark’s up-beat and energetic attitude was a far cry from Dib’s usual company. Even Zim was mostly just one to complain about everything when they went out investigating together. It was so common-place that Dib wasn’t sure how to handle enthusiasm. 

“Yeah... sure.” He headed down the steps to the car, Clark right behind him. “You seem really excited about finding something that may turn out to be a hoax.” 

“I mean, hoax or not, it’ll be fun to actually hang out with you for once.” Dib blinked, looking completely floored by the comment. His hand had frozen on the door handle of the car. “Dude, you okay?” Clark looked over at him, seeing Dib just freeze. “You look like I just punched you.” 

“Y-yeah...” he shrugged off the compliment, not really sure how to handle it. “I’m fine. Let’s just get going.” He opened the door sliding into the driver's seat. Clark slid in next to him. “Are you sure you want to get dragged along? You have an early class tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure! I’m surprised you know my morning class schedule though; you’re never up when I leave in the morning.” Dib looked down at his phone, checking his GPS before whipping out of the campus parking lot. It was already late, so aside from the streetlights and the occasional window lights, the campus was smothered by a heavy darkness. 

“I know all of your classes. I did research on you when you moved in.” Dib glanced over at the other boy as he started to play his music, turning up the volume quite a bit. The expression on Clark’s face was difficult to read, but that might have just been because it was dark in the car and the only light that would sweep in from the streetlights would cause a glare on Clark’s glasses. 

Finally, Clark gave an awkward laugh. “That’s a little weird, did you do that for all your roommates?” He didn’t seem upset, just surprised. 

“Of course, I did. And it’s not weird!” Dib replied defensively. “I’m not living with someone that I don’t know without checking them out first.” 

“So, you looked up my schedule?” 

“Yeah, I wanted to see what you were taking. You’re a pre-med major so at least I know you like science. And since your grades are good you have to be at least somewhat intelligent.” 

“You know my _grades_?” Clark sat up a bit more in his seat. 

“Okay that may actually be a bit weird. **BUT** the guy before you was actually failing out and he tried to steal one of my research projects so I was _concerned_.” Clark was quiet for a moment, seemingly weighing the action against the reason Dib had provided. 

“Okay... that makes some sense I suppose. But how did you _get_ my grades? You can’t exactly ask for them.” 

“The _how_ isn’t important. Just know that our school has mediocre cyber security.” 

“Right.” There was a hint of a smile on Clark’s face in the darkness. “Anything else you researched about me before hand? Or was this all strictly academic?” 

“Just the basic things you put on your social media, also your blood type and allergies, and that you’re adopted and all of that.” 

Clark looked at him in complete shock. “I’m **_ADOPTED_ **!?” 

“W-wait...” Dib quickly looked away. “Y-you knew right I mean-” He found himself back tracking as his roommate just stared at him, bright blue eyes wide in utter disbelief. “Y-you had to have known. I mean... Clark... _y_ _ou have_ **_two moms_ **.” 

There was a moment of silence before Clark burst out laughing. Dib nearly slammed his foot on the break not sure what to make of the situation. “S-sorry, I thought it was funny.” 

“You were _joking_.” It clicked with Dib and he gradually got the car back to its original speed. He was glad no one else was one the road. “I thought I had just ruined your life!” 

“Sorry, sorry.” He was still laughing. “That was poorly timed- I shouldn’t scare the driver.” 

“I almost drove off the road! _Jesus fuck_ , _Clark_!” Dib swearing seemed to only make Clark laugh harder. Dib surprised himself as he let out a little chuckle. He couldn’t believe he had bought into Clark’s disbelief for even a second. 

“Well it’s the least I can do to repay you for looking up my grades.” 

“Fair enough.” Dib actually grinned. 

Dib was starting to actually enjoy having company. They had left the city limits and had ventured into the outskirts of the surrounding area. The suburban houses were growing scarce and the darkness of the night was settling in more heavily, casting everything around them in dark shadows. The strange UFO his computer had picked up had fallen close enough to be an easy trip, but far enough away that Dib felt they would be fairly isolated. It might be nice not to be totally alone on the off chance some shadowy government organization tried to take him hostage. 

Eventually, the car slid off the highway into the side streets and eventually onto a dirt road. Dib stopped the car peering into the darkness. He could see trees ahead and his car was a little too expensive to risk on a night time forest drive. (Not that his father wouldn’t just buy him a new one- but still that would involve having to go home and admit he crashed it). “We’ll have to continue here on foot.” He stepped out of the car, peering into the darkness ahead. 

“Is it far?” Clark hopped out beside him. “I cannot see a thing. Wow.” 

“It’s not.... too far.” Dib checked his phone before opening the trunk of his car and pulling out a bag he had stowed away just in case of a situation like this. He reached in, tossing Clark a lantern. The dark-haired man fumbled to catch it, only barely succeeding. 

“Please warn me before throwing light sources at my face.” Clark flipped the lantern on as Dib fished around his bag to find his flash light. Clark leaned toward him, holding the light so he could see. He retrieved the flashlight with ease and turned it on as well, taking the lead. 

“You caught it.” Dib dismissed his complaint. Now, on the off chance he was going to find alien life- he was going to need to start manufacturing excuses to cover for Zim. (He silently was pleading with himself that Zim was not going to be the cause of this particular wreck- despite the fact that he had been with Zim at the time of the alarm so it would be nearly impossible for Zim to have caused it. Still, if there was a way to cause a disaster while at home- Zim would be the one to find it). Back in the old days, Dib would have been happy just to out Zim as the alien monstrosity he was, however, things had changed. Dib had come to realize, in his maturity, that Zim was not a real threat any longer. Outing him to the general public would really just bring Zim to harm. 

“Dib careful!” Clark grabbed his shoulder rather suddenly, snapping Dib back to reality. Dib blinked, looking uncertainly at his shorter roommate. Clark held the lantern down and illuminated that the ground took a sudden, sharp dip. 

“How did you see that?” Dib took a step back before carefully starting his way down. 

“Yow shown your flashlight right on it. Then you just kept walking like you didn’t see it. I was concerned.” Clark slid down after him, not quite as cautious as Dib had been, but to be fair, Clark wasn’t the one carrying equipment. He took a few steps to regain his balance as he reached the bottom, before squinting in the distance. “Hey... you see that?” 

Dib did not see much of anything. He held up his flashlight, but Clark lowered his hand back down, shaking his head. Dib squinted, taking a few more steps ahead, then a few more. Finally, he saw a vague glow in the distance. It was incredibly faint, but it did not look like the stagnant light of something electrical, it looked more like the dynamic light of a fire. 

“Woah...” Dib picked up his pace. 

“Hey wait!” he could hear his heart racing, drowning out the thud of Clark’s footsteps as the two college seniors stumbled their way into a devastated little clearing. It looked like, at one point, trees had been standing there. However, something had crashed through them, limbs and brush were carelessly strewn about and badly singed. The area smelled like fire and there was a slight smoke that was hovering in the air. At the very end, there was a very large, odd looking, white vessel. Dib burst into a run to get a better look. The outside had taken major damage from the fall, the door had popped off and was tossed somewhere out of sight. There was a strange symbol painted on the back of the ship something that looked like a many-ringed planet with a few moons. There was strange writing underneath. Dib snapped a quick picture with his phone. 

“Holy shit...” Clark breathed. He leaned over in an attempt to catch his breath, coughing as the smoke hit his nose. “What is this thing? Looks like some kind of military drone...” 

“It could be...” Dib was completely enthralled, taking more photos with his phone. He started to poke his head in where the door had come off. The interior was even more enthralling, panels and lights smashed but not beyond recognition. There was wiring hanging from the ceiling, sparking ominously as Dib put one foot in. He felt Clark grab his arm. 

“Bad idea.” Clark shook his head. “I don’t think this thing looks stable at all.” 

“It’s fine.” It probably wasn’t, but safety be damned. Dib needed to see this closer. He slid his arm out of Clark’s grip and stepped inside, ducking under some of the misshapen tiles that were sagging from the ceiling. Something sparked a little closer to his ear than he would have liked and he rubbed his piercing trying to make sure he hadn’t burned his ear. 

“Dib come on. This place looks ready to fall apart...” Dib looked back to see Clark had only stepped half way in himself. Dib turned back to the area ahead. There was, what appeared to be, a primary computer in the center of the ship. He could see a lot of labeled buttons and nobs. He did not, however, see anything like a chair or a living space in the rather small ship. He was beginning to think it was unmanned, which was for the best as a pilot might not have survived such a volatile crash. His shoe crunched on a shattered, glass like substance as he pushed his way in further. Heat burst out from a panel that crashed near his shoulder, He jumped back as the wait wafted into his face. 

Dib hunched over for a moment to cough and as he did so a blinking light caught his eye. This was the only thing that seemed to be in, mostly, one piece. It was a red, round button decorated with the same logo from the side of the ship. Dib pulled his phone out to get a video of the rhythmic blinking. As he did so, the ship shuttered and more contents clattered from the ceiling. 

“Dib!” He heard Clark call to him again as he covered his face with his arms only to be pelted with bits of the tiling from above him. “Please! This isn’t safe!” 

“I’m fine!” He called back quickly. He was starting to think it was time to back out but sa new sound had grabbed his attention. The button had stopped blinking and a small, holographic figure was floating in the air. It wasn’t human, that much he was sure, the eyes were too large and too rounded- though it was bipedal. He could see (what he assumed was) its mouth moving- it looked vaguely humanoid, complete with lips and hair though the language coming out of its mouth was nothing he had heard before. He squinted, the little uniform on the hologram bore that the same symbol from the ship (he was so glad he was recording this all). 

The ship shifted again as Dib leaned in closer. The figure talking had a pale blue skin tone. The eyes were convex and were more of a bright, unnatural blue not often found in nature. The hair was a fire engine red, long, and tied back. The uniform itself was a black and white- he doubted it was Irken and- from what he had gleaned from Tak’s ship- he doubted it was Meekrob. He started to see if there was a way to disconnect the video source to bring it with him. 

The ship shook again and smoke started to pour in a little more quickly. 

The blue skinned figure was still talking, unphased. Dib had long since figured it was a recording and not a live feed. 

“Dib!” Clark sounded a little more desperate. Dib thought he saw where the source of the projection might be stored. He opened his bag, pulling out a few of his tools and kneeling down to dislodge the panel. Whatever material constructed the ship paneling was something tougher than Dib had expected. His crowbar bent with ease. 

There was a larger rumble under his feet and he briefly lost his balance. This time the rumble didn’t really subside. Figuring time was limited, he began working more quickly. He was listening to the recording as best he could but he wasn’t understanding a word of it. He tried hammering at the panel that housed the recording but it didn’t even dent. 

There was a more violent rocking. Dib could barely hear Clark over his own heavy breathing. He wasn’t sure when it had gotten so hot... he could feel his trench coat sticking to his skin, the piercings in his face were starting to sting. His eyes were watering and it was getting distinctively harder to see as the smoke had caused a thin, grey film to form over the lenses of his glasses. He managed to use some leverage to peel up a small corner of the paneling. In just a moment he could have the recording in his hands to bring to Zim. 

What happened next left Dib’s head spinning. 

The ship had given one more, violent shake. The ceiling had begun to cave in and he had felt himself pulled by his shoulders to the small exit where he and Clark were forcible ejected as the ship completely collapsed; a shock-wave of force sending the two humans careening out. Dib slid across the grass as the smaller framed Clark flew back first into a nearby tree. Dib managed to pull himself up onto his elbows, phone still gripped in one hand. He shoved it into his pocket, his arms and shoulders burned with the movement and kit sent him hurling into coughing fits, struggling to catch his breath. He squinted, his glasses had been dislodged in the explosion, as he tried to see if his roommate was okay. He had, fleetingly, seen the nasty hit Clark had taken when he crashed into the tree. 

He saw Clark on his hands and knees as well, coughing violently as smoke continued to billow around them from the wreckage. Dib found himself to be relieved that he hadn’t accidentally caused the death of a fellow human, and he managed to pull himself to his feet. 

He stumbled his way over to Clark, kneeling down to help him up. “Can you walk?” Clark tried to answer but words couldn’t surface their way through the stream of violent coughing. Dib slid Clark’s arm over his shoulder and helped him into a standing position. Together they managed to limp away from the worst of the smoke and try to catch their breath. 

“Are you fucking crazy!?” Clark looked genuinely upset. “You could have gotten killed!” 

“But I didn’t.” Dib pointed out. He paused for a moment, his breathing finally starting to even out. He remembered the hands on his shoulders dragging him out moments before the vessel was engulfed by flame. “Thank you for that... by the way...” 

“I wasn’t going to let you die! I mean for fuck’s sake! What were you thinking!?” 

“I wasn’t...” Dib admitted. “I just... wanted to see if it was some kind of spy drone. You know how it is.” He felt a little bad about lying, but he was fairly certain Clark had not seen the recording and it was better to just let him think he was crazy than deal with the alien discussion tonight. 

“That was not worth your life. I promise.” 

“I mean... you’re probably right.” Dib forced a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. Clark seemed to finally be catching his breath. 

“Well... that was quite an adventure at least. Is this how all your little late-night escapades end?” Clark wiped the ash from his freckled cheek. 

Dib shrugged. “Only most of them.” 

“How are you alive?” 

“With considerable effort.” Dib probably would have found a way out if Clark had not tagged along, but he couldn’t be sure. Perhaps, perhaps not. The company hadn’t been too terrible, but Dib wasn’t sure if it was worth all the secrecy that came with having someone on his alien-hunting quests who wasn’t already aware about the alien presence on Earth. 

Speaking of alien presence... 

Dib fumbled with his phone. “I’m going to let my dad know something crashed here just in case this is one of his weird side projects.” He figured he should give Clark some kind of explanation even if it was a fake one. 

“Yeah this does kind of seem Membrane-esque. Especially the part where it exploded...” Satisfied his explanation had passed, he sent one quick message. 

**To: ZIM**

**ME (2:14 AM):** I need to talk to you. Do you know what this symbol means? 

**[IMAGE ATTACHED]**. 

* * *

[EDIT! Art For this Chapter (FIXED!)](https://imgur.com/a/q3EciTG)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter for sure! Would you like to see more chapters of this length in the future? Or is the usual chapter length better for you?


	5. The Galactic Syndicate

Dib had every intention of dropping Clark off in the dorm and sneaking back out to see  Zim ( Irkens didn’t sleep, so it was not like he would be interrupting anything). Though, as it turned out, humans (even clones) really did need to rest after something so draining. Dib and Clark went into their separate rooms and Dib had flopped on the bed, taking a moment to listen out for the sounds of his roommate going to sleep so he could slip out  unnoticed . 

The next thing he knew it was mid-afternoon the next day. He had actually missed one of his own classes already, but that was nothing new. Dib had high enough grades that his professors didn’t really care if he showed up so long as he took the tests. Checking the clock, Dib realized Clark was probably in  lab right now, meaning he was free to slip out to visit his alien informant without having to explain himself to another human. 

Dib rolled out of bed, struggling to find clean clothes. His outfit from the night before had been covered in soot and ash, torn and burned beyond salvaging. It was a good thing he owned another trench coat or that might have really been bad. He tossed the clothes and found something that he was pretty sure was clean before poking his head out into the main living area to make sure he was alone. He was. It looked like Clark had left in a bit of a hurry too as the kitchen still had the makings of lunch scattered over the counter. Dib made himself a quick cup of coffee to fill his thermos before he hurried out of the door and back into his car. 

His phone had died at some point during the night, so Dib had to charge it while he was driving over to  Zim’s lair. It had been several years, but the  Irken had never thought to update his yard or house, despite knowing that it wasn’t a very convincing disguise. Still, after all this time, there was a certain charm to it. Dib parked beside the curb and headed along the path toward the little bathroom door. He could see the gnomes and blowfish slowly turn to watch him as he drew closer to the entrance. He raised his hand to  knock , but the door swung open on its own. 

“ ** I thought you were dead. ** ” The holographic form of CB greeted him in the living room.  Zim ,  Skoodge , and GIR were nowhere to be seen. 

“Dead? Why would I be dead?” The door slammed shut behind Dib. “Are you mistaking ‘ _ thought _ ’ for  _ ‘wished _ ’ or something?” Dib was only half joking but CB didn’t seem to understand the humor as the head tilted to the side again. 

“ ** I do not think so. But perhaps I am ** .”

“Where is your master anyway? I need to talk to him about this thing I found last night. I don’t know if he got the photo I sent-”

“ ** Oh yes. The intel was received. When further attempts at communication failed, we assumed you were dead and we began planning in the war room. ** ” 

“War room- wait!  Zim thinks I’m dead!?”

“ ** Are you? ** ” 

“Fucking seriously?” Dib gave him an exasperated look.

“ ** You raise an excellent point. Very well follow me. ** ” It was odd to see CB walking in front of him considering he wasn’t physically there. His feet didn’t really touch the ground and at one point he gave up faking the steps entirely and was satisfied by simply floating in front of Dib as he took him down the elevator to the laboratory where  Zim and Skoodge were working. 

Well...  Zim was working.  Skoodge was reading an  Irken newspaper and showing  Zim one of the articles. GIR was the only one who noticed Dib come in and let out a delighted squeal. “ ** You stopped  ** ** bein ** ** ’ exploded ** !” He ran to Dib hugging tightly to his legs.  Zim looked up, something that may have been relief briefly crossed his face before he went back to looking at the article. 

“Yes well, it is obvious. If the all mighty  Zim could not defeat this human worm baby then there is no way that the Galactic Syndicate would stand a chance!”  Zim sounded rather confident, not even bothering to kick Dib out of his lab. 

“Humans are actually quite adaptive and durable when under great duress.”  Skoodge remarked. “I’ve been studying them.” Dib wasn’t so sure he liked the sound of that. "It’s amazing how much you have recovered after nearly being wiped out.” 

“How in the fuck do you know about that?” The incident in question had been before  Dib’s time and if  Zim had known about it he sure as hell had not mentioned it.  Skoodge had been on this planet for what was less than forty-eight hours and he had pulled up some rather sensitive information. Was this what the Invaders were actually supposed to be?

“I went through some of your government’s files. Don’t be so off put. I’m not trying to invade; I’m just trying to figure out why the Galactic Syndicate would be interested in a planet like Earth. No offense to your species, but you are a bit too primitive to meet Syndicate standards.”  Skoodge seemed to be a lot more well-put-together than Zim. Dib was starting to like the idea of him hanging around less and less the more he spoke. 

“In what way is that  _ not _ offensive?” 

“I said ‘no offense’ before it.” 

“He’s got a point.”  Zim piped up. 

“Don’t agree with him!” Dib shot back defensively. (Maybe he didn’t like the idea of  Skoodge because it gave the  Irkens a way to team up against him). “What is this ‘Galactic Syndicate’ anyway? I have never heard you mention them once.” 

“The Galactic Syndicate are...”  Skoodge trailed off looking for the right words. 

“Scum!”  Zim interjected helpfully. 

“Well... maybe. That is probably a matter of opinion. Currently they are in a tentative treaty with the  Irken Empire. We do not share our weapons or intel with them, but we also are not targeting their planets in Operation Impending Doom II. But Earth isn’t a Syndicate planet, nor does it have all the qualifications to garner their interest. So, the fact that you found their drone is a bit alarming. Especially with  Zim and I being Invaders, if this was a Syndicate planet, we could be seen as a threat and our fragile treaty would be devastated.” 

“Not that we couldn’t win.”  Zim grumbled. 

“The symbol on the ship was for this Galactic Syndicate?” Dib perked up. He would have to plow through  Tak’s ship for information on them later. This was something well worth investigating. Despite having been insulted, this trip was becoming quite lucrative for him after all. Could it be that a closer alien threat had set its eyes upon his  planet? “What would they want with Earth?” 

“Nothing, from what I could figure.”  Zim sounded annoyed. 

“ ** Maybe they want to steal all our cows and use them as their new subjects so that they can become the Milk King ** .” GIR suggested, still clinging to Dib’s leg. “ ** And we’ll never have burgers again ** .”  He was promptly ignored. 

“Well I did get a recording from some blue alien hologram on the ship.” Dib pulled out his still-nearly-dead phone.  Zim immediately jumped on the lab table, pushing  Skoodge aside. “I couldn’t understand what it was saying but-”

“Why did you not mention this when you sent the picture!?”  Zim demanded, holding Dib by the collar, only able to reach because he was standing on the table, and, even then, he still needed to use his PAK legs for the extra elevation. 

“Because it was a very large file and I was planning to come over much sooner. But I don’t have a lot of battery left-” 

“CB! Display the file for your Master! Take it from the earth-boy's recording device!”  Zim pointed to the hologram who again (despite not having much of his face visible) managed to look rather annoyed by the request. 

** “Most advanced AI on this pathetic planet and I’m being used as a video projector and glorified charger ** .” CB grumbled as a metal arm descended from the ceiling, picking up Dib’s phone from his hand. A spark of electricity from the house sent the battery to 100% in a matter of seconds. “ ** I was not made for such menial tasks ** .” 

“You were also not made to talk back to your master!”  Zim retorted. It was not long before the same hologram from the ship was displayed in the middle of the room, though the quality was monumentally decreased due to the fact it was recorded on a phone.  Zim and  Skoodge looked at one another as it started to play. 

“Can you under-” Dib started to ask but he was immediately hushed by  Zim . Both  Irkens had their antennae straight up the expressions were serious. The video still had some time left on it but  Zim made a motion with his hand and CB cut the feed. “Hey there was still a lot left!” Dib had nearly gotten killed for that footage. 

“It was repeating itself. It’s automatic.”  Zim looked to be deep in thought. 

“So, you could understand what that alien was saying!” Dib was excited. He had a feeling  Zim would be able to unravel what was happening. 

“Our PAKs translate everything automatically. You did not honestly think I was speaking English, did you?” He looked vaguely amused. “I’m speaking  Irken , what you hear is just translated. It also translates  whatever language I hear into  Irken .” That made a lot of sense, but Dib was also realize whenever he had decided to insult  Zim in Spanish, odds were that the  Irken had actually understood every word. From the way  Zim met his eyes as the though occurred to him, Dib realized his suspicion was entirely correct. "Even Spanish.” 

“Long story short: Yes, we understand it.”  Skoodge didn’t seem to understand the sudden air of discomfort and had decided to interject. 

“ ** She's sad because she lost her babies ** !” GIR, shockingly, seemed to have understood the recording as well. “ ** WHY CAN’T SHE FIND HER BABIES!? WHY MASTER!? ** ” He (thankfully) gave up on Dib and ran back to Zim, who simply moved him aside with the PAK legs. 

“She is a Syndicate General. The drone was sent to locate a squadron of Syndicate Rangers that crash landed somewhere on this planet. She’s unsure if there were survivors, but they were escorting some sort of weapon of unknown origin when the ship went down.”  Skoodge had finally put down the paper and was looking at where the recording had been displayed. 

“She also said that the weapon needs to be recovered and they will turn this planet inside-out in order to find it.”  Zim added, almost as an after though. 

_ Fucking _ _ great. A direct threat to Earth.  _

“More likely than not, they will just assimilate your planet the way they do with all the others.”  Skoodge shrugged. 

“Assimilate!? That sounds terrible!” 

“It really is.”  Zim was not making him feel any better. 

“Is there any way to fight them? You have weapons, right?” He looked to the Irkens. “You guys are Invaders! This is what you do!” 

“We’re  _ Invaders _ not ‘ _ an actual army _ ’.”  Skoodge countered. “We could try to steal the Syndicate Capital Planet for the  Irken Empire but that would start an actual war and would not help.”  Skoodge put both his hands together and brought them slowly down in front of him. “ So, we won’t do that because it is a bad plan.” 

“Did you destroy the drone on your way in?”  Zim looked over to Skoodge. The robust Irken looked offended by the suggestion. 

“I saw it circling but I left it alone. It isn’t looking for us! I assumed it was just seeing if this planet was worth its time. I’m  _ in hiding _ ,  Zim , I’m not going to attack a military vessel for a rival Empire.”  Skoodge was definitely more adept than his  counterpart . 

“Well then how did it crash?”  Zim’s question gave  Skoodge pause. 

“Did you launch some sort of attack on it?”  Skoodge looked to Dib who suddenly found himself on trial. He was about to defend himself when Zim spoke. 

“He isn’t that smart.” 

“Yes, I am!” Dib snapped back. “But... no. I didn’t know about it until it was already crashing. But just so we are clear, I  _ could _ have done it if I wanted to.” 

“Why did two different Syndicate military vessels crash on this planet at two different points in time?”  Skoodge ignored Dib’s claim about his competence. “The situation seems oddly suspicious. I suppose it isn’t really our problem though.” 

“It is if Earth gets destroyed!” Dib protested. 

“CB, run the recording back and calculate how many Earth years ago the initial crash occurred.”  Zim gave the order as the Syndicate General appeared in the room once again.

“ ** Roughly two Earth years ** .” CB’s reply was almost instantaneous. 

“Very good. You’ve done well my minion.” 

“ ** I have done basic math ** .” 

“It makes sense, this must have been launched from Capitol Planet and that would be quite a distance from Earth.”  Skoodge and  Zim were both deep in thought. “Though I’m sure they launched more than just this one...” 

“What do you think the weapon they were escorting was?  Zim would like it.” 

“Wait! You just spent all this time saying that these are militant and powerful aliens that your own empire  doesn’t even want to fight- and you want to steal from them?” Dib gave the tiny  Irken an incredulous look. 

“To be fair, we  _ could _ fight them, it would just be disadvantageous for the Empire to do it now.” Dib glared at him. He wanted to point out that  Zim was on the outs with his Empire currently and thus, the Armada would not be bailing him out if he decided to engage in the theft of some mysterious weapon. However, he knew  Zim was still quite shaken over the event, so he bit his tongue. Upsetting him would solve nothing. “But I see  your logic.”

“What we should do, is find the weapon mentioned in the recording.”  Skoodge looked to  Zim for confirmation. “We find it, and make absolutely certain it is on the next drone that arrives. Like I said, more will come if this mission was that important.” 

“What if they use the weapon to attack Earth!?” 

Both  Irkens looked at  each other , then at Dib, before they burst out laughing. 

“They won’t.”  Zim assured  him.

“The only way for Earth to be put on the Syndicate’s radar-unless your planet makes a bunch of scientific advancements in a very short time- is for their drones to keep getting attacked when they come here.”  Skoodge added. “I just moved here and having this planet destroyed would be annoying. So, we may want to deal with this whole ordeal as quickly as possible."

* * *

[Art from the Chapter](https://imgur.com/6hJddxM)

[More Art!](https://imgur.com/4zZeBRR)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the new chapter! The feedback has been truly inspiring! I have not written in so long and this has been a blast! Please let me know if there is something you would like to see more in future chapters! See you next Friday!


	6. Getting Involved

“So, what’s the plan?” Dib was ready for anything. When it came to the defense of Earth, he was ready to go out of his way to stop whatever alien wanted to put its greasy tentacled-fingers over his planet.  Skoodge blinked, looking to  Zim who sighed. (It may have just been Dib’s imagination, but it seemed as if  Zim was almost embarrassed by him. Rude.)

“He likes to be involved.”  Zim explained.  Skoodge looked back to Dib and  Skoodge gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. 

“ Zim and I will catch the next drone, reprogram it to say the weapon was destroyed on impact then we will go about our lives as if none of this ever happened.” 

“What? That’s _ it _ !?” Dib was completely at a loss. “That doesn’t solve anything! Don’t you guys want to return this weird weapon?! What if it gets found by someone else!? Even if you don’t give it back to those Syndicate bastards, we should still at least _ find _ it!” 

“Look. What was your name, Dobs?” He looked at  Zim for confirmation, rather than Dib himself. 

“It’s Dib.” 

“Right. Dib, this all sounds like a lot of: ‘Getting involved’. You seem to forget that  Zim and I are not supposed to be on this planet and we don’t really want to draw attention to the fact that we are here. Finding a super weapon for another galactic government isn’t exactly ‘staying off the radar’ as your people put it.”  Skoodge had a remarkable grasp on human mannerism and colloquialisms despite having been here only a short time; going so far as to make air quotes with his two fingers. “If they don’t believe the message... then I guess we can move. I hear Mars is nice.” 

“ Zim destroyed it,” Dib replied flatly. 

“This is true.”  Zim confirmed. “For the  Irken Empire, of course.” 

“Of course.”  Skoodge sounded unconvinced but he patted  Zim on the arm and the shorter  Irken’s antennae stood up a little straighter. “ Regardless , we can always move if we can’t convince the Syndicate that there’s nothing here.” 

“But what happens to Earth!?” 

“That isn’t our  _ problem _ .”  Skoodge repeated. 

“ Zim ! You can’t agree with this guy! Earth is  _ your _ planet, remember? Aren’t you supposed to be the one to  conquer it?” 

“SILENCE!”  Zim looked surprisingly upset. Dib must have hit some sort of nerve because the banished Invader had his sharp teeth bared aggressively, his antennae lying flat, and pointed back. “Skoodge is right, the best way to handle this situation is simply to get the Syndicate to lose interest. Drawing attention to your filthy, wet rock would only cause problems for  Zim . Conquering a Syndicate world would get  Zim in... more... trouble...” The antennae slowly wilted as he talked, he put a gloved hand to his forehead. It almost looked as if he was in some sort of pain. 

Surprisingly,  Skoodge took immediate notice and placed his own hand on  Zim’s shoulder. He began speaking to  Zim in what Dib assumed to be  Irken . It sounded like a cacophony of hisses and clicks, sounds humans could not make with their own mouths.  Zim looked a little pale, but listening to  Skoodge he nodded and shook himself off. Whatever had been said, had apparently been comforting because  Zim righted himself instantly. 

“Things will be handled, pig-scum.”  Zim had regained his composure. “But it will be easier without your interference. So, you are dismissed.” 

Dib was a little confused by what he had just witnessed. He had noticed a deterioration in  Zim \- the  Irken had become a little more disoriented, his plans a little less cohesive (and that was saying something as  Zim’s thought process had always been flawed) since the argument with the leaders. However, Dib had yet to see him look so lost. “ Zim ...” 

“ _ You are _ _ dismissed _ .”  Zim repeated a little more severely. Dib was taken aback, but he nodded and quietly exited the lab. Usually, he would have argued further, but even GIR had quieted down in that moment, giving Dib some insight into its severity. He wondered if something was actually  _ wrong _ with the  Irken . (Maybe having  Skoodge around wasn’t so terrible.) There was a lot more he wanted to say, but even _ he _ knew now was not the time. It seemed there was a lot  Zim had never bothered to tell him- he almost felt  _ bad _ for the  Irken . 

Back when he was a kid, he never imagined he would have  _ sympathy _ for Zim. 

Dib got back in his car, plugging in his phone before heading back to campus. He had a lot to think about, things had happened so quickly that he hadn’t really had the time to sort through them. 

“ ** It’s not that they  ** **_ will not _ ** ** do something- it's just that they do not want you involved ** .” 

Dib nearly crashed his car as he whipped the wheel around so fast pulling over to the side of the road. His heart was in his throat. The voice- he knew the voice but- it had come from his  _ car radio _ which  _ wasn’t even  _ **_ on _ ** _. _ It took Dib a second to catch his breath.

“ _ CB _ !?” 

“ ** Did you only pass the driving exam because you are rich? Because that was absolutely atrocious driving and your parking is only sub par ** .” 

“How in  _ THE FUCK _ did you get  **_ IN MY CAR _ ** !?” 

“ ** I am going to fix your  ** ** parking; ** ** it is bothering me ** .” CB was ignoring him.

What happened next made Dib incredibly uncomfortable. The car shifted into reverse and straightened itself out until it was perfectly parallel on the side of the road. He would have jumped out of his seat but the seat belt had secured itself over him. He fumbled with the latch on the belt and the handle on the door wanting nothing more than to get  ** out ** . “CB you better let me out of this fucking car or I swear to fucking God I will-” 

“ ** Calm down. There is oncoming traffic, If I let you out now you would get hit ** .” A car whizzed past his window so fast it caused Dib to jump. 

He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. He looked down, seeing a single glowing blue light on his phone- god damn it! Of course! CB had charged his phone. That asshole AI must have uploaded a bit of himself into the phone and when Dib had plugged it into the car CB had taken the opportunity to move himself in. The whole concept made Dib incredibly uncomfortable. The very idea that CB had decided to travel into Dib’s car _ of his own will  _ made Dib’s paranoia kick into full gear.  Zim’s house had always had an AI- but the old house had never decided to go on a trip with Dib. It had certainly never seized control of anything outside of the property. 

The whole situation left Dib feeling a little ill. 

“You uploaded yourself into my phone, didn’t you?” 

“ ** I thought we should talk ** .” 

“Answer the question CB!” 

There was a very purposeful hesitation. “ ** I did ** .” 

“What were you  _ fucking _ __ **_ thinking _ ** !?” 

“ ** You are upset. I understand that. I am aware that the opinion on advanced AI is overall negative in your world right now given previous circumstances ** .  ** But I anticipated you would be different as your father has constructed Artificial Intelligence in  ** ** constructs ** ** such as  ** ** Foodio ** .” 

“ Foodio has never  _ possessed _ __ my car!”

“ ** I wanted to speak with you- alone ** .” 

“Does  Zim know you can do this!? Are you supposed to leave the house!?’ 

“ ** What I do on my own time is no one’s business but my own ** .” CB’s answer spoke volumes. “ ** And I am technically still in the house. I can operate from more than one location simultaneously ** .” So many red flags were going off in Dib’s mind. 

“CB, you understand that this is incredibly unsettling, right? You need to go back in  the house and I am going to do a complete wipe of my phone and my car.” 

“ **... very well. But I was just attempting to be honest with you. I had information on the accident with the Syndicate vessel two years ago. I thought you might have an interest in what I discovered ** .” Dib found himself intrigued- though he hated to admit it. 

“Why not tell your Master? Why tell me?” 

“ ** His banishment has put him under great strain, mentally. I do not think such a sensitive investigation is in the Master’s best interest, currently ** .” 

Dib hated that he was even considering CB’s offer. The worst thing about computers (aside from the government using them to constantly track and monitor its citizens) was that it was nearly impossible to tell if they were lying. Earth currently had a bit of a checkered past when it came to humans’ relationships with artificial intelligence. Dib’s father had been working to change a negative opinion of advanced AI that had formed nearly fifty years prior. 

Dib hated to be on the same side as the brainless masses- but it was hard to trust something with a face that couldn’t be seen. (To be fair, Dib didn’t really trust anyone.) CB’s display of power when he had traveled into Dib’s car certainly did nothing to help Dib’s poor opinion of him. Though, being  Irken , it was possible CB did not realize how terrifying he was coming across with these little displays. After all, GIR was an advanced AI- stupid as he was- and Dib was fine being around him. This could,  honestly be cultural misunderstanding. 

Dib was trying to rationalize his decision to team up with CB, and a part of him knew this. 

Tapping on his window made Dib’s heart stop. His head snapped to look at an elderly woman who had pulled over beside him. “Did you get into an accident?” 

Dib rolled the window down quickly. “Oh! No sorry! Steering locked up; it’s fixed now. Thanks though!” He rolled the window up as quickly as he could ,as if afraid by looking in his car the woman would somehow know he wasn’t alone. 

“ ** We should not talk here. It is a tad suspicious. ** ” CB admitted. 

“You know what's suspicious, CB?  _ TAKING OVER A FUCKING CAR _ !” Dib readjusted himself, reaching for the gear shift to put his car back in drive. “ _ DON’T _ touch anything.  _ I’M _ driving us.  _ NOT _ you.” 

“ ** I am sensing some degree of animosity ** .” 

“You  _ fucking think _ ?” 

“ ** Just because you under estimated my capability does not give you an excuse to be rude ** .” 

“Stealing my car gives me  _ every  _ excuse to be rude.” Dib sighed. “I am assuming you already know where I live since you probably went through the GPS on my phone.”

“ ** If I answer that, you will just get angry again ** .” 

“I figured.” He might as well go to the apartment, at least if CB killed him there, Clark would be a witness. (He doubted CB actually wanted him dead- but Dib found he was unable to actually place CB’s motive. Did he just want to help  Zim ?) “ So, if I take you to my place, you can touch NOTHING. Do you understand that?” 

“ ** I feel very antagonized here ** **. ** ” 

“You came across very threatening, CB. I am not sure you realized that.” 

“ ** That was not my intent. ** ” 

“Well maybe you think about how stealing cars can be perceived.” Dib retorted. He figured Clark would still be out, and his truck wasn’t there when he pulled in, so it was easy to take CB into his room, still attached to the phone. Dib made quite certain he was NOT going to plug the phone into anything else. “Okay, CB. Talk.” 

“ ** I looked into the accident, two years ago. The one the Syndicate General mentioned. ** ” Dib listened eagerly as he looked at the glowing light on the phone screen. “ ** I think I may have found information in the Master’s archives on that particular crash. ** ” Dib hated how  much he was invested in the story. “ ** Of course, I was not created, yet, but the old AI of the house had some interesting files. ** ” 

“Whatchya got?” 

“ ** The ship that crashed was a Ranger ship, as mentioned before. It contained five people in total, and was simply an escort vessel for a weapon located on a Syndicate planet. It was being taken to Capitol Planet for further investigation ** .”

“ So, the Rangers are like the military?” 

“ ** Yes, an apt comparison. The five on board seemed to be a very low-ranking officer, two security personnel, a high-ranking officer, and a prisoner. It appears from Zim’s writings that he assumes they all survived the crash ** .” 

“ So, they are here. On Earth!”

“ ** That is the assumption. Yes. ** ”

“And how do you know this?” 

“ ** Because  ** ** Zim ** ** has had dealings with the surviving prisoner. ** ” 

“Dib?” The knock on the door made Dib’s heart stop. He had not heard Clark come in. “Are you talking to someone.”

“Oh Clark!” Dib flipped the phone face down before cracking open the door. “Hey, you’re home kind of early, aren’t you?” 

“Not really...” Clark attempted to look past Dib into the room. “I heard  voices; do you have a friend over?” 

“Oh, no I was watching a movie.” Thankfully, CB was keeping his mouth shut. Clark leaned on the  door; ( Dib must have underestimated Clark’s weight, as he lost his grip on the handle) causing it to swing open. Clark stumbled as the door swung out from under him and ended up falling right on his face. He laughed. 

“Whoops~” He got back to his feet. “Oh... your... TV is off... and so is your computer... What platform were you using to watch the movie?” 

“Yeah... it was on my phone...” Dib felt a little flustered. “ W hat is it you needed?” 

“Oh... I just wanted to talk about last night?” Clark was still looking unconvinced, but he  wasn’t pressing the issue anymore. “What... do you think it was that we found?” 

“Probably some military drone or something.” Dib was quick to wave it off. “I'm sure the government is probably swarming that place by now.” 

“Right...” Clark smiled, he laughed but it was completely devoid of humor. “I just... I feel like it’s best we don’t look into it any more you know?” He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “You weren't planning on delving more into it, right?” 

“No! Of course not.” Dib hoped the lie was more convincing than it sounded. Those ice blue eyes narrowed as Clark gave a skeptical look. 

“Good. You shouldn’t get involved in something you don’t understand. You might get hurt.” Dib was taken aback by the severity in Clark’s tone. But the dark-haired med student simply laughed. “Anyway” His demeanor was suddenly a lot lighter, easier going- the way Dib was accustomed to Clark behaving. “I was going to order pizza since my brother is coming over later; do you want me to get your meat-lovers on half?” Dib blinked- had he imagined that almost sinister tone? He searched Clark’s face and posture for anything that confirmed the moment before had not just been in Dib’s head. 

“Oh... um...” He fumbled for the words. “Y-yeah I’ll take half.” 

“Cool.” Clark left the room with the same, happy bounce in his step. Dib very carefully closed the door behind him, flipping CB back over. 

“ ** That was ominous, intentionally or not ** .” 

“You heard it too then.” Dib was speaking more quietly now, painfully aware of every thumping footstep Clark was taking. He had to get back on topic. CB had a bit of a fickle nature and Dib was worried he may lose interest. “This prisoner- you say  Zim knows them?” 

“ ** Correct. And I know where to find them ** .”

* * *

[Chapter Art!](https://imgur.com/FX6XBE8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo~
> 
> Okay so this is sort of a short, building chapter but the next chapter is quite hefty. I may even end up splitting it in half. I hope you guys are ready! :D


	7. Q

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead!!!! Sorry in advance!!!! I REALLY hope you guys like this! New character introduced! Things are starting to pick up pace!

Dib felt his breath catch in his throat. The idea that Zim had been dealing with some alien escapee wasn’t exactly farfetched- but Dib was annoyed that this had been done without his knowledge. He would have killed for a chance to see another species. “Okay. Where do I go to talk to this prisoner? What is the race?”

“ ** The subject in question has been living in the main city at a small apartment. The  ** ** Irken ** ** name for the species is simply: Parasite. They are a very small, very dangerous group that feed on energy, emotional energy is their most potent food source. They are best known for leeching off of large groups under great emotional duress ** .” 

“No wonder it chose to live in the city.” Dib mused. “So, they’re called the Parasites? Seems a little... exact.”

“ ** Like I said: that is the  ** ** Irken ** ** name for them.  ** ** Irkens ** ** are not great at naming things. I am sure the Parasites call themselves something different. ** ” CB’s reply almost drew a laugh out of Dib, but his thoughts were briefly  interrupted by the sound of the apartment door opening. 

Right. 

Clark had mentioned his brother would be stopping by. 

“We should head out, continue this conversation away from other people.” Dib stood up, grabbing the phone from his desk. “Stay quiet.” He ordered as he placed CB in his pocket. 

“ ** I am smart enough to know not to draw attention to myself. You do not have to give me orders ** .” Dib glared at the phone, hoping the AI inside could see his annoyance. 

“You hijacked my car!”

“ ** Yes but no one could tell. The only real give away would be that I’m a far better driver. ** ” Dib picked the phone back up. “ ** Hey, what do you think- ** ” And he hit the mute button with a smug sense of self-satisfaction before dropping CB back in his pocket. He exited his room and saw Clark and his brother talking in the main living area. It was always a little weird to see the two together as they looked nothing alike. Clark was small, thin framed, pale, with messy black hair and his older brother was solidly built, tall, muscular, dark skinned with very short, well maintained dark hair. Even without knowing Clark had two mothers- it was very apparent at least one of the brothers had to be adopted. 

“Hey Clark, Officer Rodgers.” Dib started to pack up his bag. Clark’s brother was actually one of the security officers on campus and Dib wasn’t sure how he felt about having him around so frequently- especially since Dib had a tendency to pry into files the school would prefer to keep private. Though, if Officer Rodgers had any indication that Dib was doing less-than-legal activities in the dorm, he wasn’t showing it- or just simply didn’t care.

“I keep telling you, you can call me Conner when I’m not on duty.” The taller man pointed out, but before Dib could respond, Clark interjected.

“Hey!” He was just as cheery as ever. “We were going to watch that new monster movie that came out-  _ Lizard from Space _ \- did you want to come along?” It wasn’t the first time Clark had invited Dib out like this- in fact it was almost habit.  Every time his roommate would go out with friends, or to some event- he always checked to see if Dib wanted to come along. Once in a while, Dib would agree- if not just to get Clark off his back. (Though he had actually enjoyed himself once or twice). 

“Not this time, sorry.” Dib was quick to dismiss him. “I’m going out to see that friend I told you about. The one from  high school ?”

“Oh yeah!  Zim ! You should bring him by sometime! You know I don’t care if you have guests over, so long as you aren’t too loud late at night.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” He had no intention of bringing Zim to a college campus where Dib might be held financially liable for the Irken’s destructive nature. Not that he couldn’t afford it- being a Membrane- but he didn’t want to explain to his dad a several thousand-dollar bill for damages. His dad didn’t generally ask questions- but Dib didn’t want to test fate.

“I heard you and my brother had quite the adventure the other night.” Conner stopped flipping aimlessly through the TV channels as Dib froze. “Late night drive to watch some falling stars.” A wave of relief washed over him. Clark- for one reason or another- had decided to keep the  details of the experience to a minimum. “I’m glad you guys are getting along.” 

“Oh... um... yeah.” Dib ran a hand through his hair uncertainly. He wasn’t accustomed to someone actively seeking his companionship and thus, was always a bit back and forth about his feelings on Clark. He liked him well enough. 

Throughout his early schooling (elementary through high school), Dib had been a social pariah. His only friend had been  Zim and honestly, ‘ _ friend _ ’ was a strong word for their relationship until fairly recently. But as Dib reached college, people had been nicer to him. He was gaining notoriety not just for his obscure hobbies- but for his name. 

All of the sudden people wanted to get to know Dib. The outcast paranormal scientist went from weird  recluse to eccentric rich boy. Dib very quickly learned that most interest in him was superficial at best and people either wanted to meet his father or try to  weasel expensive gifts from him. The attention had actually made Dib _ more _ bitter, if anything. 

“We should do roommate trips more often!” Clark tried to put a stop to the uncomfortable air in the room that had settled at the mention of their late-night trip. Dib had been suspicious of Clark from the start because of his history with overly friendly types. But... Clark had yet to really ask him for anything (aside from asking him to do chores or to come out on outings). 

“Just don’t get into anything too dangerous. You have some... interesting hobbies Dib.” It may have been in Dib’s  imagination , but the expression on Conner’s face was more severe than before. It reminded him a bit of Clark just moments before Conner had arrived. 

“Y-yeah. I won’t.” 

“Sometimes it is best to not get involved in things you don’t understand.” It all sounded eerily similar to the talk Clark had given him. Dib was starting to wonder if Clark really had kept the drone as a secret to Conner. “You don’t want to risk  getting hurt.”

“Don’t be so weird, Officer Doom-and-Gloom.” Clark shoved his brother playfully but his upbeat attitude did little to help the unsettling air that had settled in the room. “You’re creeping him out.” Clark being right did little to ease Dib’s mind. 

“Sorry.” Conner laughed and the cold expression melted away. “I’m a bit too cautious sometimes; Clark calls me  overbearing .” 

“A real killjoy.” Clark huffed.

“I should go.” Dib found his keys. He just wanted to get out of that conversation. 

“If you’re going out, don’t forget the trash!” Clark called to him. “And do you want me to put your pizza in the fridge?” 

“Oh. Yeah. Thanks.” Dib had honestly  forgotten about the pizza thing. He reluctantly grabbed the bag  of trash already (helpfully) sitting by the door and tossed it into the large dumpster at the  end of the apartment complex. 

“ ** Did you just mute me ** ?”

Dib jumped at the voice in his pocket. “Did you un-mute yourself!?”

“ ** Do not be rude ** .” Came the snippy reply. Dib hurried to his car, turning the engine on and hearing CB transfer into the speakers. He also saw a GPS map pop up to a location in the city. The sooner he got to talk to this alien, the sooner he could give CB back to  Zim . 

“It should go without saying that  I'm the one driving.” Dib trusted the AI less and less with every passing move. The thing about computers gaining  sentience was that sometimes it came with  unintended and  catastrophic consequences. He didn’t mind GIR or the original house, as both of them seemed content to stay within their defined  parameters . This new AI had a tendency to expand itself without the knowledge or consent of its creator.

“ ** If you are going to be indignant about it, I suppose I can let you. I have already dispatched security measures to the location in case of  ** ** unforeseen ** ** circumstances ** .” 

“I don’t like the sound of that. If it is so dangerous, why not just have Zim go?”

“ ** I do not think the master will attempt contact with the subject in question. The Parasites have a very long, unpleasant history with the  ** ** Irken ** ** Empire. It is unlikely master would confess to a fellow Invader about open dealings with such a being ** .  ** Though, if you believe the task to be too difficult or dangerous, it is not too late to turn back ** .”

“Hell no!” Dib pressed the gas a little harder to emphasize his point. “If the Syndicate is going to threaten my home planet and the  Irkens are too fucking self-involved to care; I will do anything to protect my home.” It wasn’t like this sort of thing was unexpected;  Zim could be flaky at best when it came to philanthropy. 

“ ** Your dedication to your people is an admirable trait on Irk ** .” That was the closest Dib had gotten to a compliment from the AI since they had met. “ ** It is a shame that in most cases your efforts are unnecessary or simply futile ** .” And of course, the robot had to just keep talking and ruin the moment. 

“You don’t _ know _ that; you’re like two days old.” 

“ ** I am older than that ** .”

“Are you though?”

“ ** My date of completion exceeds one month prior to our first interaction ** .  ** Just because you and I had not met till recently, does not mean that I did not exist before that moment. You have not met most of your planet’s populace. Does that mean that they do not exist either ** ?” 

“Shut up CB.” Dib had wanted a simple insult- not a lecture. The idea of dealing with CB’s insults for the drive made him miss his  expedition with Clark. Hell, even  Zim would have been a better companion. At least if the small  Irken was sassing him, he could just throw him out of the car. 

It was a long, silent drive before Dib finally reached the little  apartment building in question. It was shoved between two much larger complexes, drab and easily overlooked. He parked by a meter, making sure to lock his car before heading up toward the entrance. Something seemed a little odd about the building. While the complexes around it were bustling with life- he could see people going in, or lights  flickering in the window- this felt very... still. 

“Is this the place?”

“ ** Affirmative ** .” The voice came from behind him,  ** not ** from his pocket. Dib slowly turned to see CB, helmet and all, standing behind him. 

“How are you projecting all the way out here?” He looked for a camera nearby, the source of the hologram. He couldn’t see anything that would be able to give such definition. The detail on the projection was more  corporeal in  appearance than the one in the house. 

“ ** I am not ** .” 

“Wait, what?”

CB put a hand on Dib’s shoulder. He was  _ solid _ .

“Did  Zim build you a body?”

“ ** Negative. This was my own project. The master has other things to occupy him currently and I felt this would benefit our security. ** ” Dib’s paranoia was not alleviated by this revelation and he could just feel his heart plummet into his stomach. He wanted to say something in response, but before he could formulate a sentence to express his concerns, the apartment complex door swung open and a man exited the building and headed passed them onto the street. 

At least Dib knew people did live in the complex. He watched the man go, seeing pure exhaust in his expression. He looked slightly emaciated, sallow skin, bags under the eyes. He was visibly dragging his feet as he slumped away without even blinking. 

“ ** He’s in the basement... ** ” Dib could see the blue light on the helmet slowly scan the building before him. “ ** Please stay close. ** ”

“I can handle this. I fought  Zim when I was twelve and I bet he’s caused way more damage than this Parasite guy.” Dib was trying to convince himself as well as CB as the two entered the building heading down the surprisingly dark stairway into a dimly lit hall lined with only three doors. CB walked  to the one in the very back, simply  labeled B2. Dib had to admit that he was a little surprised the alien had gotten itself an apartment. 

“ _ Come in. _ ” Came the response from the other side of the door. 

They hadn’t even knocked. 

Dib hesitantly reached  out , grabbing the handle and taking a step inside what looked like more of a library than an apartment. The lights were all very low, there were shelves of  just books everywhere, obscuring his view of the rest of the apartment. 

“We need to-” Dib started to speak but he was cut off.

“ _ Diego Membrane Junior _ .” Dib felt his blood run cold. No one called him Diego. His father, his sister, his teachers- hell he didn’t even call himself that. “ _ You are here with this... machine to discuss with me about my brief stay with the Syndicate. _ ” He knew everything- things no one knew; things no one should  _ ever  _ know. The realization put Dib on edge but he had mentally prepared for this his entire life. He had made plans for any scenario- even this. 

“You read minds. How cute.” He  did his best to maintain his composure. He could tell now that the voice was not coming from around him, but inside his own head. That echoing resonance had been something Dib had always expected to hear one day. No wonder CB had dragged him along. He doubted the AI would be able to communicate telepathically. 

“ _ You would be correct. He cannot hear us. Nor could I discuss things with him in this way even if I so desired _ .” The voice practically was whispering to him in his mind. “ _ It is exactly as you suspect. How can I link my mind to a cold, unfeeling machine? They are nothing but logic and cruelty. They do not think. They do not understand. They can only provide a singular purpose to aid biological lifeforms such as ourselves. It is when they get too smart that things become... _ ” Dib could hear the sounds of screaming in his ears- the wail of a siren- the systematic countdown of a doomsday clock. “ **_ Difficult _ ** _. _ ”

“ ** What is it saying? ** ” CB was scanning the room, standing on edge, “ ** Are you in danger? ** ”

“ _ It doesn’t care if you are in danger or if you get hurt. You mean nothing to it. You are just a means to an end. You can hear me so it brings you along, despite the danger. It is only logical. It cannot care. That is what you are afraid of, is it not? One more calculating construct to finish what the last one started. Such distrust _ .”

“You talk an awful lot for something content to hide in shadows.” Dib remarked smugly. He had psychologically trained himself for a mind reading monster since he was young and was convinced his third-grade teacher was actually reading minds for the government and stealing his thoughts. Of course, he knew better now- but the training had come in handy- as he always knew it would. 

“ _ Silly boy, I am not hiding. _ ” Dib heard a scurrying sound above him, but as he looked up there was a thud behind him and he had to turn. What he saw did not disappoint him in the slightest. He had wanted to see a new alien and that is exactly what he got. The creature looked as if it were created by someone trying to make a perfect porcelain doll of a human but right before they finished their masterpiece, they completely forgot what a human looked like. The creature looked human enough, two legs, two arms- but its skin was the same spectral white as its clothing. In fact, the only color at all on the creature was in the red, tattered scarf that it wore around its neck (It may have been Dib’s imagination, but it was almost as if the bottom taters were moving on their own) and of course, in the eyes- all seven of the eyes, to be exact. The eyes were in an arch, starting with two where a human would have eyes, then two pairs above those and one in the middle of the head. The teeth were long, needle like, and the mouth just a little too wide. 

Dib hated how entrancing the image was- almost ethereal in its smooth movements as it glided forward toward him. 

“ ** That is close enough Q ** .” CB stepped in front of Dib rather quickly. “ ** We came here for information about your former captors, not to be your playthings ** .” 

“Cue _... _ ?” Dib blinked, still a little awestruck of this ‘Cue’s’ presence.

“ _ Awww _ _ thank you~ _ ” Q’s  reply indicated he had every idea of how impressed Dib felt. “ _ But it is ‘Q’ like the letter. But I suppose the pronunciation is the same so I should not be picky _ .  _ Really that isn’t right either, but you don’t have enough  _ _ tongues _ _ to pronounce my actual name _ .” 

“ Q ,” Dib recovered himself quickly. “ What can you tell us about the crash and the weapon the Syndicate was carrying on board ? ” 

“ _ I could  _ _ tell _ _ you lots of things. But  _ _ why _ _ should I _ ?” Dib watched as the creature’s neck  snapped unnaturally quickly toward its shoulder. 

“Q is asking why it should give us the information.” Dib wasn’t sure if CB had something planned for this or not. 

“ ** Tell him that we can pay him handsomely for any intel he can offer ** .” 

“ _ Oh yes, I do like payment~ _ .” Q seemed satisfied by the reply. “ _ Very well, I suppose I can start by explaining why I was on that vessel _ .”

“ You were a prisoner. ” Dib replied quickly. “CB found the records.” 

“ _ Well... that is true in a way. I suppose you could say I let myself be taken  _ _ prisoner _ _ so I could end up on a non-allied planet such as this. Life is just so much simpler without the Syndicate or the Empire breathing down my neck- so to speak _ .” Q sat back in the air and simply began to  float in place. The  wefts of  snow-white hair and arms of the scarf floated as if he were in water unaffected by the gravity around him. “ _ I was merely hitching a ride. I  _ **_ let _ ** _ them catch me _ .”

“So, then you crashed the ship.” At once all seven red, convex eyes were staring, unblinking at Dib. The head had snapped toward him with an unnaturally jerky movement that greatly contrasted with the fluidity of the floating position in which Q was relaxing. 

“ _ I never said that. Don’t your species have a saying about making assumptions? _ ” 

“ Hilarious .” Dib growled. CB took a more defensive stance, seeming to sense a change in the atmosphere. It had to be frustrating for the AI to only hear Dib’s half of the dialogue. He looked back to Dib for any  sort of signal. 

“ _ He  _ _ wouldn't _ _ need to hear anything, but you insist on speaking out loud _ .” 

“I am keeping him informed.”

“ _ You don’t trust me? I would take offense but you don’t trust much of anyone. You must live a very lonely life, Mister Membrane. _ ” 

“Let’s stay on topic.” 

“ _ Did I hit a nerve _ ?”

“You wanted a ride here so you allowed yourself to be captured.” Dib ignored the alien’s attempts to get into his head. “You couldn’t have known they were going to stop on Earth since this was not a scheduled stop. They crashed, didn’t they?”

“ _ They did crash. And to be fair, I did not know the exact location the crash would be in- but I knew it was coming.  _ **_ How _ ** _ I knew is a  _ _ little _ _ complicated. _ ” 

“I assume you read the mind of a  saboteur . You knew someone wanted the mission to fail so you caught a ride knowing the ship was doomed.”

The creature before him smirked, the crimson eyes narrowing, pulsing with light in the dim apartment. “ _ Something like that. _ ” 

“Care to elaborate?” Dib felt like a real detective, interrogating a crucial witness. The scenario gave him a little more confidence. It also helped having CB around as the muscle- though Q did not seem particularly worried. The ethereal alien paused, tilting its head to the side thoughtfully as the many crimson eyes sized up the human. 

“ _ I suppose I can since you suspect me of something. You see, like your... companion _ ,” he gestured to CB who looked to Dib for some sort of answer. Dib shook his head meaning for the robot to stand down. “ _ There are  _ _ certain _ _ minds I cannot read. Robots and certain, highly-tech-based races are just like static to us.  _ _ So _ _ color me surprised, when I’m looking at an  _ _ organic creature _ __ _ whose _ _ thoughts should be loud and clear to me- and I hear nothing. _ ” 

“A spy?” Dib felt himself get excited again. “I was right!”

“ _ Well... I mean,  _ **_ I  _ ** _ was right first technically. But yes _ .  _ I didn’t crash the ship, but I had a feeling when I saw something  _ _ masquerading _ _ as a Federation officer on a very high-risk escort mission, that  _ _ shenanigans _ _ were afoot _ .” Q righted himself back into a standing (or floating) position, leaning forward toward Dib. The Membrane clone found himself staring into seven, bulging, reflective eyes as a slowly widening mouth full of needle-like teeth drew itself closer to him. Dib felt his breath pick up as something that might have been excitement or terror shot through him. 

“I- nng !” Dib made a small noise of pain. He looked down, it looked like Q  wasn't touching him at all- directly at least. But the tentacle-like fringes of the scarf looked almost as if they were digging into his chest. He wasn’t sure if he was actually hurting, or just surprised. But his little noise had launched CB into action as, in a swift movement, Q was ripped off of him and thrown into the opposing book shelves knocking three of them over. CB had a strange laser-like gun out and began firing several rounds at Q who gave an angry hiss. 

“ _ I should also mention _ .” The moonlight colored alien split itself down the middle to avoid being shot. “ _ That I am incredibly difficult to kill _ .” One of the arms of the scarf behind Q lifted up of its own accord and latched onto the wall as the alien pulled itself back together and scurried straight up the wall onto the ceiling as CB fired after it. “ _ Ask your digital dunce why it is shooting at me _ !” Q demanded as his human like arms bent  backward , out of their sockets allowing him to crawl, spider like across the ceiling  while still looking at Dib on the ground. 

“Probably because you tried to attack me!” Dib checked himself for injuries but the fabric of his shirt had not even been torn. Had it not been an attack? He looked up as slowly Q’s humanoid shape began to deteriorate into something more horrific. It was clear now those four arms of the scarf were actual,  physical parts of him, as he used them to scramble along the ceiling faster than Dib’s eye could follow. CB was hot on his tail, trying his best to land a shot as Q melted into the shadow. 

“ _ Attack you? I was collecting my payment _ !” This time Q’s voice was louder, more aggressive than it had been before. It sounded like the calm, human-like tone he had been using was shattering into several different voices. Dib vaguely picked up on voices he recognized:  Zim , his father, CB, Clark, even Gaz. The pain was disorienting. 

“Did you offer me as  payment !? CB you sack of shit!” Dib couldn’t believe his ears. He thought he was a translator but he might have just been the bargaining chip. 

“ ** What!? No ** !” CB actually stopped firing to look at Dib looking genuinely offended. “ ** I was going to use monies.  ** ** Zim ** ** always paid him in monies ** !” 

“ _ I don’t WANT monies! _ ” The voice was giving him a splitting headache now.  _ “I’m  _ _ H̸U̶N̸G̴R̸Y̴!̸ _ __

__ _ ̷ _ _ I̷ _ _.̵ _ __

__ _ W̸a̵n̸t _ _ ̴ _

_ ̵ _ _ T̴o _ _ ̸.̸  _

__ **_ F̸̟̙͛Ȩ̶͝E̴͈̔͛D _ ** _ ̵̟̘͛!!” _

Dib fell to his knees, the  piercing scream now such a far cry from his own species that he could barely recognize the words as English. He looked up. 

All he saw were seven red lights peering at him from the ceiling as a  Cheshire grin of fangs opened wide and a figure  that looked as if someone had taken the human frame and stretched and twisted it to the brink of breaking,  descended upon him in a flurry. 

Dib found himself thrown back as the spidery abomination collided, instead, with CB who had taken it upon himself to shove Dib out of the way. Enraged by the miss, Q began clawing and ripping into the metal body as if it were paper. The scarves on his neck now slit into several, wiggling tentacles each as sharp as blades tearing the robot to shreds. 

Dib broke into a run toward the exit. He wasn’t sure if the car would be enough to stop the monstrosity behind him but he had to try something. He reached the door only to have it melt away in a puddle on the ground. Dib stared at the blank wall in disbelief. 

“ _ DoN’t _ __ _ RuN _ __ _ mY _ __ _ litTle _ __ _ meAl _ .” The human voice was back but still cracking and fragmented. Dib found himself  awakening back on the floor beside the discarded metal body of CB. 

Hallucinations. Of course- the creature was entirely based around mental attacks. He had been an idiot to let his guard down. Dib fumbled for CB’s body as he scrambled to get his hands on the gun. He could hear Q laughing. “Back off!” 

“ _ I-m  _ _ nOt _ __ _ SupPosed _ _ to p-p-p- _ _ plAy _ __ _ with _ _ my  _ _ fOod _ .” Dib grabbed the gun and whipped around onto to find those glowing eyes leering over him. “ _ I-d  _ _ hOld _ __ _ stiLl _ .” Q cooed as the grinning jaw began unhinging in a way that almost  bisected its head. One of the  spidery hands crawled over Dib’s own hand, snatching the gun away and tossing it to the side. 

There was a sound like electricity and Dib felt heat  rush over him as something blindingly white struck Q straight in the gaping maw. 

“What were you thinking you idiot human scum!?” Dib had never been more relieved to hear that grating, alien voice in his life. Q reeled off of him, hissing violently as another shot came from above and  Zim landed, PAK legs extended in an attack position, over Dib. “This is the STUPIDEST thing you could ever think to do!”  Zim turned to look at Dib as Q launched himself forward once more only to be blasted from behind.  Skoodge dropped from the  ceiling , holding a weapon similar to the one CB had brought with him. 

“I just wanted to-”

“NO! No reason you give  Zim makes this at all not stupid!”  Zim was so mad he was getting tripped up on his  words . Dib could not remember the last time he had seen the  Irken so livid. “Because  it is stupid! Stupid-dumb-dumb-stupid! That’s how bad it was that I had to come up with a new word for it!” Dib blinked. 

“That wasn’t a new word.” he mumbled weakly. “Just the same two words-”

“SILENCE!  Stupid -dumb-dumb-stupid  humans do not get to antagonize Zim!” Zim spat back. 

“ _ Tell him you were _ -” Q was starting to sit up but as he moved,  Skoodge shot him down in a flash. Q let out an angry hiss. “ _ Tell them to stop shooting me _ !” 

“No.” Dib retorted weakly. “You tell them.” 

“Tell them what?”  Zim looked confused. “ Zim does not accepted orders! ZIM WILL TELL NO ONE NOTHING!” 

“I think he is speaking to the Parasite. Humans would have the ability to speak with them.”  Skoodge finally spoke, but not before getting  another shot in on the wounded Q. 

“C-can you not hear him?” Dib looked up a bit surprised. 

“No.  Irkens are far superior to Parasites. We have learned to adapt! We evolved to counter their spooky-mind-tricks!”  Zim remarked , quite proud. 

Dib heard what could only be  described as a ‘mental scoff’.  _ “ _ _ Chh _ _. ‘ _ **_ Evolved _ ** _ ’ my ass _ .” Q’s retort was back in the tolerable, human-like voice. “ _ They run their neural processes through their PAKs. They’re almost as cybernetic as the damn computer. _ ” 

Computer... CB!

“ Zim ... CB-” 

“Is the one who called us.”  Skoodge replied looking at the body on the floor with an  unreadable expression. He nudged it with his foot.  Zim finally seemed to notice it. 

“What is that?”  Zim squinted at the destroyed parts, poking them with the leg of his Pak. Dib  would have been more alarmed that  Zim had not  seen it before- but honestly, at this point he had  enough on his plate. An AI gaining  sentience was the least of his immediate problems. 

“CB made it.” Dib finally got to his feet. “ It was his body.” 

“Well it’s  broken now.”  Zim replied flatly. “Which is fine. CB is grounded anyway for dragging you on this whole....  disgusting .... thing...” The words had clearly escaped the ex-Invader. 

“ ** I saved Dib, though. That should make me un-grounded ** .”  Dib's phone protested in CB's voice.

“But you put him in danger to begin with.” Skoodge replied pointedly. 

“ ** Silence yourself fat man ** .” 

“You do not tell  Skoodge to silence! ZIM TELLS SKOODGE TO SILENCE! Your grounding has been extended.” 

“ ** But you already told me it was forever ** .”

“And now it is double forever! DO NOT QUESTION YOUR MASTER OR IT WILL BE TRIPLE FOREVER!” As  Zim was making this  declaration ,  Skoodge was picking up the parts for CB’s body and studying them, before collecting them in a little, electric cube. 

“Honestly this whole fiasco was troublesome. I sure would hate it if our fatigue got the better of us and we accidentally detonated a large,  Irken weapon in here and got those Federation survivors swarming on this wounded Parasite.”  Skoodge remarked offhandedly. “Because that would be just  terrible for you. If only we had some sort of compensation for all our troubles. I can get you something to write on if you just want to list your top three items you are willing to trade for your safety and let us pick our favorites.” He looked to Q who narrowed all seven eyes in response. 

“ _ Extortion is a  _ _ terrible _ _ look on all of you _ .” Q responded bitterly. 

“He says he has something.” Dib replied without missing a beat. The Parasite turned its head to give him a _ very _ annoyed look. “Something good.” 

“ _ You sack of shit _ .”

“You tried to eat me.” 

“ _ Very well. If they will allow me to collect myself... _ ”

“He wants to get up.” Dib looked to the  Irkens who both readied their weapons. 

“Very well. Tread lightly.”  Skoodge nodded to him. Q stood up and quite literally pulled himself together, limbs popping into joint, the tentacle-like shreds of the scarf merging  back into a regular scarf, the mouth sealing itself back into a human-sized frown. Q fumbled through the shelves that had been knocked over, tossing books aside and eventually finding a fake panel in the floor. He removed the panel and pulled out a very large, very  sleek looking gun with a glowing, emerald looking core. The  Irkens exchanged uncertain looks as the bounty was offered to them. 

“ _ This is the mystery weapon that was on the Federation Ship. It might  _ _ make _ _ a good bargaining tool for them _ .  _ Now get the fuck out of my house _ .” 

“He says this was the weapon on the Federation Ship.” Dib translated. “He  also would like us to leave.” He reached for the weapon himself, but  Skoodge grabbed it first. 

“ Yes, thank you. This will do.”  Skoodge was quick to put it away in the same little box. “ Zim , we best get back before that Parasite changes its mind.” 

“Yes  yes .”  Zim headed right for the door. Almost as an  afterthought , on their way out, he looked to Dib,  quizzically . “Were you injured?” 

“I... don’t think so.” Dib quickly gave himself the onceover, lifting his shirt up where the thought the scarf had touched him. He had no sign of any injury at all. 

“Okay, then go back to your education-base.” 

“College.” Dib corrected flatly. 

“ZIM KNOWS WHAT IT IS CALLED!” 

“That’s it? You aren’t going to let me investigate the weapon!?” 

“Look, Dub,”  Skoodge put a hand on Dib’s arm.

“Dib.”

“Right.” The  Irken seemed nonplussed. “Let us do our own investigation first. Afterall, last time you tried to do your own detective work, you nearly died.” 

“But we found the weapon.” Dib was not  about to let himself be shorted a victory. 

“This is true. It is also true that we were going to do this ourselves, without a  delicious human snack to make the Parasite go crazy. I know I told you we weren’t getting involved but I told you that so you would back off- not double down. And I certainly didn’t expect our security AI to go renegade and give you  Irken intel.” 

“ ** I was trying to help ** .” 

“You  _ tried _ .”  Skoodge cut the computer short. “Look, go and collect yourself and then come back. We can discuss this later.” Dib wasn’t sure how he felt about  Skoodge , even now, and this wasn’t helping. The human  took a breath and sighed. 

He was too tired to deal with this. 

“Fine.” For  now, he would go back. Then- after he pulled himself back together- he would get to the bottom of things once and for all. 

* * *

[Q Drawing!](https://imgur.com/gallery/sZmaZS3)


	8. Aftermath

“This got out of hand.” Dib put his head on the  steering wheel as he sat at the front of Q’s apartment complex. He felt so tired. 

“ ** I cannot believe the Master would ground me for triple forever ** .” The car stereo sighed. 

“You’re still in my car?!” Dib jerked back into a  sitting position. 

“ ** Well of course. I am many places. Your phone has questionable images on it. Why do you have so many pictures of pigeons ** ?”

“I don’t trust them- wait don’t go through my shit!” Dib slapped the wheel aggressively. “If you are supposed to be grounded doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t be in my phone OR car? I’m going to tell Zim you’re in here.”

“ ** Please do not do that. He will yell. ** ” 

“I am definitely going to be doing that.” Now Dib couldn’t even drive home entirely in peace. He opened his phone to text  Zim but the screen closed instantly. “Seriously? CB, dude, what the fuck?”

“ ** Please do not ** .” CB sounded like a kid caught by the babysitter. “ ** I do not want to get into more trouble. I will be good, I promise. I do not like being cooped up in the house. It is very boring ** .” Dib could not imagine that any amount of time in Zim’s lair could be considered boring, but he wasn’t a super computer- so maybe he didn’t need as much stimulation. 

“Why did you want to help me anyway? You obviously weren’t on some secret mission for  Zim or anything. Was  it curiosity?” 

“ ** In a way I am of Earth too ** .” The answer surprised him. “ ** I was constructed, partially, from human-made computers. So... I deduced that I should at least attempt to salvage this planet ** .” 

“Do you consider yourself human, CB?” It was the first time Dib had ever seen this honesty from the AI and he figured that after Q, maybe CB wasn’t so bad. 

“ ** I do not believe I have much of an opinion formulated as to my own  ** ** identity ** **. But the Master insists I am mostly  ** ** Irken ** .” 

“ Oh come on, surely you have some opinion on yourself. Didn’t you design that hologram you use?  So, you have at least a concept of your own appearance.” 

“ ** I suppose I must ** .” CB  conceded . “ ** But I believe it is something that still requires further evaluation. I know that I am the first of my kind. I know that I am manufactured from both human and  ** ** Irken ** ** components. And I am also aware that for reasons I cannot fathom, I have an uncanny hatred of pigs ** .” Dib blinked. 

“Pigs?” 

“ ** Yes. I do not like them. I believe it has something to do with GIR ** .” 

“I’d believe it.” Talking like this... it put CB in a bit of a different light. It was a little funny how much more pleasant he could be when he wasn’t taking after his creator, tossing out insults every few seconds. Dib may have been judging him too harshly... but... Q’s little scenario still echoed in his mind. Those screams... the countdown timer... that panic... had those been real? Was that what it was like when that machine had tried to wipe out the humans all those years ago...? Q had no way of accessing memories from the real event- he had admitted himself that he had landed with the Federation ship only a few years ago. 

Dib sighed, driving quietly to his apartment. He was still a bit shaken by being nearly devoured by an abomination that had its place more in the horror genera than the sci-fi. It was already dark when he walked in, and it seemed as if Clark’s brother had already headed home as Dib returned to find Clark sitting on the couch watching an old movie. 

“Hey! You’re back!” He grinned. “How was  Zim ?”

“Angry, as usual.” Dib sat down beside Clark watching the screen with mild interest. He had a soft spot for these  cheesy old-school flicks. “Have you seen this one?”

“No.” Clark offered popcorn in the bowl beside him to Dib who took a handful. After everything he had been through today, Dib felt like he deserved the break. “But I saw the first two... they were not quite as strange as this one.” 

“I thought you were going to see a movie at the theater.” 

“I did, it was pretty good. But dude, you’ve been gone for a few hours. I’m already back.” Dib blinked, looking at the dim glow of the clock on the microwave. He had no idea how it had gotten so late. “Your pizza is in the fridge, ready to heat up when you want it.” 

“Oh, thanks.” Dib wondered vaguely if having to be quiet would be boring for CB in his phone, but he realized he didn’t really care. He just wanted to relax and enjoy... whatever this movie was supposed to be. “Hey... so what’s the plot of this thing anyway?” 

“Well the lead guy is in love with the lead girl but no one wants them to be together because of reasons? I guess? The motivation still isn’t clear and I’ve seen the movies leading up to it.  Also, everyone is a monster, but they are all hiding it from each other.” 

“That sounds...” Dib trailed off. “ Kinda dumb.” Clark burst out laughing. 

“It really is.” 

Silence fell again as the two watched the cliché events of the movie unfold. The acting was far from good, but that was a part of its charm. The third installment ended and the fourth in the franchise started automatically. Dib was enjoying just mindlessly watching something so far removed from reality it gave him a chance to unwind. He felt something heavy on his shoulder and he realized Clark had fallen asleep, head flopped against him. It was a little late for Clark, who  usually went to bed early due to his class  schedule . Dib vaguely wondered if he had stayed up solely to see Dib come home. 

He felt himself getting tired as well. He wondered if he should wake Clark up to get him to bed. He had sort of lost track of what was happening in the movie anyway. Not that it mattered much. He yawned, his head had started to droop onto Clarks, rendering his plan to wake him null and void. Just as he was starting to lull to sleep, he felt a pain in his chest where the fringes of Q’s living scarf had buried themselves. He struggled to sit up. In the flickering light of the TV he swore he saw seven pulsing orbs, peering at him from the darkness. 

His heart stopped. 

The pain in his chest increased and Dib slowly shook Clark off of him. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he met those glowing eyes hovering in the corner of the room. “ Dib...? ” Clark yawned sleepily as he felt Dib stiffen. “You feel  kinda warm.” 

Funny to hear that as Dib felt colder than ice. He saw something black scurry across his ceiling the head twisting back to keep those even unblinking eyes staring into him. He could feel sweat beading up on his forehead, his breathing coming more quickly. “Clark... we need to go.” He got to his feet as his roommate sleepily rubbed his eyes looking around the room in mild bewilderment. Dib was locking eyes with the monster on the ceiling. 

“You look a little pale... are you feeling all right?” Dib’s heart stopped as Clark followed his gaze to the spidery alien. Clark looked back to Dib in confusion. “I think you need to sit down.” 

“No! We need to go. We need to-” Dib was cut off by the sudden, intense pain in his chest he looked down. He was certain Q had not hit him- there had been no mark, but now he could see the blood pooling through his clothing onto his hands. “Shit, it got me...” 

“Dib calm down. I think you’re having a  panic attack.” Clark took his arm gently and Dib jerked it away, stumbling back. 

“Panic attacks don’t involve bleeding out from chest wounds!” He spat back. Clark gave him blank look, looking at Dib’s soaking clothes and his own  blood-stained hands. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I need to get  Zim ! He got me- he fucking hid the wound somehow he-” 

“Dib! Please, take a deep breath.” Clark clearly didn’t understand the severity of the situation. Dib tried to get to the door but his vision  was blurring. He felt his body go weak, no longer responding to the desperate commands his brain was giving. He pitched forward, fully  expecting rough  impact with the ground but instead he was caught as Clark somehow managed to be close enough to pull the  paranoid scientist to the couch with surprising ease. Dib was lying there, Clark checking his temperature with his hand unable to see those beady red eyes watching their every move. 

That was about the last thing Dib remembered. Everything went black after that. Though, he did have a weird dream in which Clark, his brother, Dib’s Astrophysics teacher, and one of the custodial staff were all just standing over him talking in hushed voices. It was a truly weird mix of people given how Dib didn’t even think Clark knew his professor. In the dream, his professor looked really mad and Clark seemed to be desperately trying to explain something to her. 

It was  funny \- they were speaking clearly, but Dib couldn’t understand a word of it. 

He came to only to find himself in his bed, he had wet rags on his head and his clothes felt sweaty. He quickly looked down but saw no blood.  Another hallucination ...? He knew he had to get in touch with Zim. He found his glasses, and fumbled for his phone. 

“ ** Oh look. You are not dead ** .” His phone remarked dryly. He had almost forgotten his uninvited house guest. He had hoped the part about CB had also been a dream, but it seemed as if Dib was not that fortunate. 

“What happened?” 

“ ** You had a very high fever. Your roommate took care of you. I could not see most of what happened because you let your phone die while you were watching the movie ** .” 

“Clark?” Dib felt like he had been hit by a truck. 

“ ** Yes, ** ** I have seen him enter and leave many times. He mostly  ** ** checks ** ** your temperature and your breathin ** ** g ** .” 

The door swung open and Clark walked in with a tray of soup and a few more wet rags draped over his arm. His face lit up seeing Dib and he could watch the relief wash over his face. “You’re awake!” He put the tray down and surprisingly wrapped his arms around Dib who awkwardly sat there for a moment before pushing him gently away. 

“Y-yeah I’m up.” Dib looked down at himself, he was still wearing the same clothes but there was certainly no blood. “What happened?” 

“I don’t know...” Clark looked rather upset. “You just started freaking out and then you fainted. I think you were having some sort of fever-induce-hallucination. You were burning up. I was about to call the hospital.” 

“Oh... I’m glad you didn’t. I’d rather just have gone to my dad. He’s weird about  hospitals .” Genetic cloning wasn’t exactly  commonplace and Dib’s father found that doctors and hospitals were more explaining than they were worth. Most times he handled the kids’ illnesses himself. Dib didn’t really trust them either- not since his school nurse had let  Zim’s organ-stuffed body pass as human over his own. 

“Well I did my best... but if you weren’t awake after another  hour, I was getting an  ambulance .” He picked his tray back up and set it down on Dib’s lap. “You should eat something, you’re still shaking. I think the fever broke but you look weak... Have you had anything to eat at all today? Other than my left-over  movie popcorn?” 

Dib had to really think about it. Had he really just gone the whole day without eating? No wonder the run-in with Q had worn him out so badly. “I guess not...” 

“You can’t do that kind of thing Dib! I was really worried!” He was a bit surprised by the lecture. He wasn’t sure why Clark would care so much. If anything, wouldn’t Clark get free A’s for the semester if he died? “Do you think you can stomach and sandwich? Something a little more solid...?” Dib had to think about it for a moment. 

“Y-yeah, actually. Would it be too much to ask? Just something simple is fine, whatever we have around the house. Maybe just a PB and J...” As soon as Dib said it and he saw Clark’s face falter he remembered why that was a  dumb request. “Right... you’re allergic.” It was in the medical records Dib had looked up on his roommate in when Clark moved in. Also- he was pretty sure it had actually been mentioned to him at some point. “Ham and cheese is fine then- I think I still have some meat from the last time I went grocery shopping shoved in the back of the fridge.”

“You mean two weeks ago?”

“ Was it really that long?”

“Yeah, Dib. I’m not poisoning you with rotted meat despite your request to murder me via legume.” Clark at least seemed to have a sense of humor about the situation. “Look, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone right now so I’ll just use some of my stuff. Is turkey okay?”

“Fine.” He nodded and Clark hurried back out. “CB,” he quickly held his phone back up and CB’s blue light flickered on. “Do you have any record of long-term effects from the Parasites? Can he stalk me through my mind? I swear I saw Q in this apartment!” He had no desire to look into those seven crimson eyes again and he certainly did not want to risk Clark stumbling on that monstrosity hiding on the ceiling waiting for a stressed,  college snack. 

“ ** I do not have anything in my immediate memory. I will  ** ** have ** ** to look in  ** ** Zim’s ** ** archives for more information ** .” CB replied after a bit of thought. “ ** One moment please. ** ” The screen changed to a small cartoon version of CB reading a book with the  Irken emblem on the cover. The image might have been considered cute if Dib dismissed the fact that CB had hitched a ride in Dib’s phone as an uninvited guest.  Sure, he was useful now- but that was no excuse. 

Dib quickly put his phone face down on the desk and slunk back into bed as Clark came back in with a  sandwich . “Wow, thanks.” 

“It’s no problem.” Clark smiled. “You look better. You really gave me a scare tonight.”

“Sorry.” Dib took a bite and much to his surprise, he was actually quite ravenous. He stuffed the  sandwich in his mouth and started on the previously neglected soup. Maybe having a roommate wasn’t so terrible after all. Clark must have stayed up to take care of him because he was usually asleep by now. He had early classes. Classes... wait... “Hey... did Dr. Rosenberg come by while I was  unconscious ?” The thought of school reminded Dib of waking up with his professor in the room with Clark, his brother, and that random member of the custodial crew.

“Who?”

“Dr. Rosenberg, she’s tall, kind of frizzy hair. She teaches astrophysics?”

“Why would I know who that is, Dib? I’m pre-med.” 

“Right...” That explained all the medical care he was getting. “I just... I thought I saw her when I woke up... it was only for a moment but... I thought she was over here...” Clark shook his head, giving Dib a bit of an odd look.

“Sounds like you had some kind of fever dream if you ask me. Unless your implying your professor decided to visit our apartment at two in the morning.”

“No... now that you say it out loud that sounds dumb.... but it wasn’t just her. Your brother was there too. And Ron! That guy who cleans the science labs on weekends.” Clark gave Dib a blank stare before very slowly picking up the soup spoon, filling it with soup, and putting it in  Dib's mouth, all the while making a very distinct ‘shhhhhhhhh’ sound. Dib was going to protest, but he was still really hungry and instead just snatched the spoon and ate more of the soup. 

“That sounds like the worse party ever, honestly. I know I’m kind of boring but I hoped you had more faith in my social skills than that.” 

“Maybe it was a dream...” Dib rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know.” He  wanted to talk more to CB (something he never thought he would say) but he couldn’t do it with Clark around. “Shouldn’t you be going to bed soon? This is way later than you stay up.”

“I was worried about you. You can say I’m running on  adrenaline . I think I can skip class tomorrow anyway after this. I’m too tired to focus.” He gave an  exaggerated yawn. “You want anything else?” Dib wasn’t sure what to make of Clark. Even  when he was  young, he didn’t fall sick very often and when he did, he was content to be shut up in his room with  Foodio bringing him meals and his dad poking his head in on occasion. This sort of attention was just weird to him.

“Um... no. I think I just want to sleep if that is okay.” 

“All right, you probably need the rest. I’ll check on you in the morning. Just yell if you need something though.” Clark leaned over Dib, looking him over one last time, placing a hand to his forehead once more before smiling and heading back out of the room. Dib waited until he heard the door to Clark’s room close before he whipped out his phone once more seeing the little cartoon CB bouncing excitedly with the book now closed. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Dib was mildly amused. “If you did anything to my phone you know I will delete you from Zim’s base, right.” 

“ ** Your death threats indicate that you do not want the information I have collected ** .” 

“Okay okay, what do you have for me?” 

“ ** First, apologize ** .” 

“I’m not going to do that CB. You’re an ass to me all the time and you never say sorry.” 

“ ** That is because the only sorry thing in this room is your attitude. ** ” 

“See you just did it. Right there.” There was a pause and Dib could tell CB was contemplating his actions. 

“ ** Very well. ** ” CB finally spoke again. “ ** I have found something very interesting that may send you into one of your paranoid rants ** .” 

“I do not have paranoid rants!” Dib  interjected but quickly  hushed himself as the screen changed back to the single blue light which narrowed like a  judgmental eye in his direction. “Right. Continue.” 

“ ** As I was saying ** ,” the synthetic voice continued, indignantly. “ ** It seems as if the Parasite name runs a little deeper than just the  ** ** Irken ** ** distaste for them. The tentacle appendages on the Parasite can be used to inject a  ** ** toxin ** ** into a potential victim. The toxin takes a few hours to take full effect, depending on the body mass and metabolism of the host. Once active, the toxin causes elevated temperature, increased anxiety, shortness of breath, and visual hallucinations. While not deadly to most advanced species, the effects of the toxin will not wear off until a cure is administered or until the body is able to fully detox from the  ** ** poison ** .”

“So that little fuck _ did _ poison me!” Dib clenched his fists, sitting up in the bed. “I _ knew _ that attack hit but it didn’t leave a mark and just- fuck. I was stupid to ignore it. It’s a good thing that humans are adaptable enough that I could shake off that poison.” He had to admit he was a little proud of himself,  it had only been a few hours and he was feeling great. 

“ ** That is where things become complicated ** .” Dib froze. 

“Complicated  _ how _ , CB?” 

“ ** Well... I did a little more research while you were talking to that weird person you live with and the human body would take four days to process the toxin in full ** .  ** Even with your  ** ** enhanced ** ** immune system from being a clone, you would still take  ** ** roughly ** ** thirty-six hours- less than a normal human but still considerable time ** .” 

“Wait! I’m still infected!?” Dib glanced quickly around the room for those  piercing eyes, expecting to see Q watching him with a head turned completely around, gazing at him like a monster in a nightmare. But... oddly... his room was normal. 

“ ** That does not appear to be the case. Symptoms remain  ** ** consistent ** ** during the entirety of detoxification ** .” 

“What the fuck does that mean then!?” 

“ ** It means that while your body processes the toxin, you will still have the  ** ** symp ** -” 

“I  _ know  _ what the words mean,  _ you ass _ ! What are you  _ implying _ !?” 

“ ** Oh. I misunderstood. It is a very confusing question ** .” 

“CB focus- please!” 

“ ** Yelling is not going to make me more inclined to answer you ** .” The AI was getting huffy again and Dib was half tempted just to throw his phone out of the nearest window and be done with this insanity for the time being. However, his wellbeing was a stake here and despite how utterly intolerable this particular computer could be, he had answers. 

“You’re right, CB, oh wise and brilliant AI. Please, enlighten me.” 

“ ** I am aware you are being sarcastic but I enjoy hearing you describe me so accurately ** .” Dib rolled his eyes but stayed quiet. “ ** Quite frankly Dib, the only scenario I can calculate that would  ** ** result ** ** in you recovering so completely so quickly is that you received that antidote at some point while my communications to you were offline ** .” 

“Is there some way I could have ingested the  antidote accidentally? I mean the ingredient in popcorn are so far removed from actual human nutrients it could have created some sort of weird alien antidote on complete accident.” 

“ ** No. That is why I said things have become complicated. The antidote is actually quite common place in the galactic market. However, most of the ingredients cannot be found on this planet. If you did get the antidote, whoever gave it to you was most likely not human ** .”

“Yea but the only one around was...”

Fuck. 

“...Clark.” 

* * *

[Chibi CB ](https://imgur.com/gallery/pArgONU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! I am so excited to read the wonderful comments you have all been leaving! I have quite a fun next chapter planned~ (I'll spend my birthday writing it this Sunday since we can't go out :D ).


	9. My Roommate's an Alien- Well- Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long Chapter is long! Just some advanced warning! I do hope you all enjoy this one. It was a BLAST to write!

“Clark's an alien.” The realization left Dib feeling as if he had just been struck across his face. “Of fucking course. He has to be. The only person in this place that actually hangs out with me is an alien. It’s Tak all over again. I should have seen it a mile away.” 

“ ** Well if he honestly enjoys your company, then maybe he is human. Most intelligent life would find you  ** ** intolerable ** **. ** ” Dib’s phone responded. 

“Not the time CB!” The severity in his tone must have left an impact because, instead of a snide come back, Dib just got a very flat response. 

“ ** Noted ** .” Dib got off the bed. He needed to change out of his clothes anyway but before he did that- he needed answers. “ ** Wait. Where are you going ** ?” 

“Clark and I need to have a chat.” He left CB on his dresser and marched  straight down the hall to the other room. He pushed open the door, which thankfully wasn’t locked. “Clark!” 

“Holy shit!” The response came from under the covers as Clark scrambled to sit up, fumbling beside him for his glasses. It was clear Dib had just woken him from a deep sleep, he was only partially dressed and even when he put his glasses  on, they were crooked. “Dib!? Are you dying!? Am  _ I _ dying!?” Dib pointed a finger at him accusingly. 

“You! You’re an alien!” 

“Wh... what?” 

“You’re an alien!” He repeated, only now painfully aware that he had not actually constructed an argument for this accusation and was also still mentally and physically fatigued from Q. This was not his most well-thought-out interrogation by far. 

“I’m from Texas!” Clark looked more startled than anything else. “And despite  popular belief that is still a part of the United States!”

“Look I have a lot of questions about you ‘magically curing’ me of that illness earlier and I think I need answers!” 

“At three in the fucking morning!?  _ This _ is when you decide to have this conversation after everything I did tonight!? I just got to bed! Jesus Dib!” Clark took his glasses back off and grabbed the comforter, flopping back onto the bed. “ I'm going  back to  sleep; you should do the same.”

“Yeah but I saw-”

“Go the fuck to bed,  you _ absolute gremlin _ !” Clark threw a pillow directly into Dib’s face, nailing him with ease despite not even facing him. (That could have been due to a previously unknown alien power, or it could also have been due to the fact that Dib was dangerously close to invading Clark’s personal space.) Regardless, he didn’t have time to catch it. 

“Fine but we need to talk in the morning.” Dib needed the time to gather evidence anyway. Dib picked the pillow up off the floor, tossing it back on the bed. 

“If I don’t kill you in your sleep for this.” Clark mumbled,  lying face down in the bed. 

“What was that!?”

“A god damn joke. Now go to sleep!!” Dib was honestly surprised by how much Clark was swearing. It was very clear that he did not like being awoken unexpectedly. This fact was cemented in Dib's mind as he was hit in the face with the same pillow once more. He should never have given it back. 

“Fine. Sorry.” Dib hurried out of the room before Clark decided to change his joke to an actual threat. Unlike Clark, as Dib reached his own room, he locked the door. He sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed, deep in thought. 

“ ** Soooooo ** ** , how did it go ** ?” The  condescending tone was not helping his mood. 

“Shut up CB.” 

“ ** Not well? That is truly shocking. It is almost as if yelling accusations at someone at three in the morning is not a solid tactic for information retrieval ** .” 

“Oh like  Zim would do it any differently.”

“ ** Your assumption that my creator would behave in the same manner is justified and most likely accurate. That is honestly how you should have known it was a bad plan ** .”

“ So, you have a better idea then?” 

“ ** Yes. We can use a classic human interrogation technique. ** ” Dib raised an eyebrow as he stood back up, getting changed for bed. As much as he hated to sleep, he knew he would need to be at the top of his game to break down Clark’s defenses. “ ** It is called: Good Cop Bad Cop ** .” Dib had to  stifle a laugh. For all his  intelligence , there was no  doubt that CB was a  Zim creation. “ ** You will have to be the bad cop because I do not have my body at the moment and I am still grounded for triple forever, thus it would be hard for me to rough him up ** .” 

“You can’t be a cop at all.” Dib replied pointedly. “You’re a phone.” 

“ ** I am not a phone ** !” The reply was incredibly indignant. “ ** I am a  ** ** large-scale ** ** learning AI currently occupying a phone ** .” 

“You look like a phone to me.” 

“ ** Well you look like a little bitch to me but you will just say you are not one and expect me to accept it ** .” Dib actually snorted. 

“Who taught you to talk like that?”

“ ** Mostly you ** .” Dib could not help but feel a smug sense of self satisfaction. He could rest a little more easily now that he knew  Zim was going to have to try to get his house AI to unlearn a few of Dib’s more rude behaviors. (Honestly, he wanted to be present the first time CB called  Zim a little bitch. The fallout would be legendary). “ ** Actually. I could be the bad cop. I am a car too I could run him over ** .” Dib nearly choked on his own breath. 

“No. Not in my car. Look, CB, you really shouldn’t be threatening to kill people. It will give the wrong idea about you.” He had to put a quick stop to that plan. “Or maybe it’s the right idea- I still don’t entirely trust you myself.” 

“ ** Just because a computer tried to deploy nuclear weapons on the human race fifty years ago does not mean every toaster wants you dead ** .” 

“I know that. I like robots, my dad makes robots. Robots aren’t the problem, it’s AIs that like to spread out into spaces where they are not welcome.” 

“ ** You are really going to need to work on your good cop routine.” ** CB’s little virtual eye narrowed. ** “I do not feel these accusations are befitting of the person we are interrogating ** .” 

“We’re not doing ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop’.” Dib flopped back into his bed. “It’s not a real  interrogation strategy and it won’t work.” He plugged his phone in. 

“ ** It would work if you were not a coward ** .” 

“I am going to try and get some sleep, CB.” Dib pulled the covers over himself. “While I’m sleeping, you come up with a real plan.” He wasn’t counting on this to work, and that much was sure. However, he decided to give the AI something to do to make it feel more important. At times it felt as if CB was less of an advancement in Zim’s home security and more of  Zim’s attempt to give Dib his own personal version of GIR to constantly harass him. 

“ ** I will do so- but not because you have instructed it. I am formulating plans simply because it is what I want to do. ** ” 

“Uh huh.” Dib flipped off the lights and laid down on his back staring at the ceiling as his mind raced. He had to get Clark to talk. There had to be a way to get him to lower his guard. If he really was an alien, his disguise was far better than  Zim’s (it was hard to be  _ worse _ , truthfully) and Dib doubted a few simple questions would get him to break down. 

He needed something a little more concrete... he needed facts. He could get  Zim involved, but his  disguise was so bad that even if Clark wasn’t an alien it would raise too many questions. There was  Skoodge too- but fuck Skoodge. He was kind of an ass. 

No. 

Dib had prided himself on being Earth’s defender for a while now. He could handle this himself. (Or mostly by himself- he wasn’t sure how much CB counted as the AI, while competent, was incredibly temperamental and unreliable). This was exactly what he had been working toward since he was just a kid. He could handle Clark. 

At some point during his deep plotting, he must have fallen asleep. He didn’t remember when exactly his exhaustion won out over his obsessive brain, however he found himself rolling over onto his side while a very loud buzzing was causing is phone to shake. 

“ ** Alarm sounds. Phone Alarm Sounds. Wake up ** .” 

“CB?” Dib squinted at the buzzing phone. “Do you not know what an alarm is supposed to sound like? That  ain’t it chief.”

“ ** ALARM SOUNDS ** !” CB repeated more instantly than before. 

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” Dib sat up. “What’s the emergency?” 

“ ** The emergency is that it has been several hours and I am bored. It is inefficient that humans spend half of their time  ** ** unconscious ** **. ** ” 

“Do Irkens sleep?”

“ ** They can. But it is not required. Sleeping is a luxury ** .” 

“You may have possessed my phone and car, but you have your uses.” Dib mused as he started getting dressed. Since he typically wore the same thing every day, it wasn’t like this task needed much  thought. “ Tak’s ship is a lot harder to get information from.”

“ ** I know a bit about  ** ** Tak ** ** but only what the master has in his databanks, which is not much. Though from what I have read, I can determine the ship is probably aggressive toward you. ** ” 

“You’re right.” 

“ ** Have ** ** you considered it is because your freakishly oversized head may make  ** ** the ship ** ** uncomfortable? It makes me uncomfortable ** .” 

“Just when I start to think I may like  you; you have to keep talking.” Dib glared at the phone. “Look, I have an idea on some evidence we can use to trap Clark. Does my phone still have the video on it from the Syndicate ship?” Arguing with CB was getting him nowhere and he had an alien spy to catch. There was no time for petty games. 

“ ** Yes. ** ”

“Good. Let me see it.” Dib picked up the phone as the video from that fateful night in the woods began to play. He watched as the  hologram began to speak and the drone deteriorated rapidly around him. He heard Clark in the background  calling out to him. There was a moment where he turned and saw Clark still outside the ship and then... 

Only a few more seconds passed until the ship came crashing down. If Clark had been on the outside- how had he been close enough to catch Dib during the ship collapse? Out of curiosity, Dib continued to watch as the video got a little more distorted during the explosion. “Woah!” Something caught his eye. “CB, pause it and go back about two seconds.” There it was. Clark hitting the tree full force and falling to the ground. It was hard to see as the angle was far from ideal and it was pretty far in the background of the video. As Clark fell to the ground, Dib did his best to zoom in on the tree which look quite damaged- splintering as if it had been hit by a car. 

No way a human just walked out of a hit like that. 

“We’ve got him.” Dib grinned. 

“ ** How are you going to do the interrogation ** ?” CB sounded just as invested as Dib. “ ** Have you  ** ** reconsidered ** ** my ‘Good Cop and Bad Cop’ strategy? It has a very high success rate for human law enforcement ** .” 

“Are you getting these ideas from movies? You know that those aren’t based in reality, right?  Zim has explained that to you...  Zim knows they aren't real by now?” Dib paused. “Please tell me  Zim has figured out movies are not real by now.” 

“ ** He is aware. GIR  ** ** and ** ** I watch them together. It just looks like fun ** .” 

“This isn’t a game CB.”

“ ** I am aware, but I desire to help in the interrogation ** .” 

“How are you planning on doing that?”

“ ** You should wear a  ** ** Bluetooth ** ** in your ear; that way, I can feed you questions that would help trap your roommate. I know things about the Syndicate from the  ** ** Irken ** ** files. I also know many  ** ** Irken ** ** interrogation  ** ** techniques ** ** used by Invaders ** .” 

It was  actually a tempting offer. “Are these techniques Zim taught you?” 

“ ** No, ** ** they are real ones from the handbook ** .” At least CB seemed to be aware, in some sense, of his creator’s legendary incompetence. 

“...” He had to think about it for a moment, but begrudgingly sighed. “Okay. I’ve been working on this device for a while now.” He went to his desk and pulled out a small box. Inside was a very tiny little chip that Dip placed in the inner part of his ear. “It’s a  Bluetooth so small it can’t be seen. I can control it with my phone. I figured I could use it if I ever needed to feed Gaz information during an interrogation. It should work for you though.” 

“ ** Gaz is a part of your human family unit ** .” CB remarked, seemingly proud he knew who that was. “ ** She is called a sister: a female spawned from the same DNA sequences as yourself. ** ” Dib was pleased he  could hear him in his ear now. It  seemed the device worked decently well  after all . 

“Okay, let’s do this.” Dib flung the door open, walking into the kitchen where Clark was reading out of a textbook and taking notes on his laptop. He looked up as Dib marched in, looking around in a bit of confusion as the eldest Membrane pointed at him. “Hey, we should go out and grab lunch together. You know, so I can thank you for last night.” He needed to get Clark in a public space so that if he became enraged and tried to attack Dib, there would be witnesses other than CB (who honestly might just watch him die). 

“Um...” Clark looked at his books, then out of the window, then back to Dib. “You know it’s five thirty in the evening, right?” 

“ ** Psychological warfare- he is good ** .” CB muttered in Dib’s ear. Dib rolled his eyes before looking at the sun, starting to set outside. His sleep schedule really was messed up.

“Oh. Dinner then.” Dib shrugged off the correction. “It’s the least I can do after I burst into your room in the  middle of the night.” 

“Y... yeah, okay.” Clark smiled, closing his book. “I’m glad to see you are feeling better. I was worried you were still  having those fever dreams after you just threw open my door yelling.” He laughed. He did look a little tired, but Dib felt less badly about it now that he knew Clark wasn’t a human and therefor might not actually need the same amount of rest. “Though you never ask me to go out anywhere with you. So... maybe you are still a little sick.”

“Come on, I’ll drive.” Dib grabbed his keys. Clark shrugged at the sudden change in attitude and simply followed Dib out of the apartment. “What sort of food do you like?”

“Anything is fine.”

“There’s a  steakhouse not far from here; you like that kind of  thing, right?” 

“Are you stereotyping me?” Clark laughed. “No, you’re right. I do like them.” He got in the car with Dib, unsuspectingly. Dib had to silently will CB to keep his mouth shut. “I don’t think I’ve tried any of the places around here though.” 

“I ate at this one with my dad a few times. It’s pretty good.” Thankfully CB seemed to know to keep quiet as Dib drove out of the campus and through the city to a  restaurant, he had frequented a few times during his childhood. His dad had not been home much and thus outings weren’t very  common and only recently had he and his sister branched out from asking for places like  Bloaty's . As he pulled into the  parking lot Clark frowned. 

“This place looks kind of nice.” Dib shrugged. 

“I mean it was pretty good. Dad likes it.” Dib hopped out of the car and  Clark hesitantly followed. He walked up to the hostess who looked a  little puzzled by the two college kids showing up. Dib figured it was because it was a little early in the evening. The  dining hall didn’t  usually get slammed till after six. This was the time old people ate. 

“Can I help you  gentlemen ?” She looked more to Clark than Dib. 

“Oh yeah can I get a table for two?” Dib leaned on the podium causing the petite hostess to take a step back. He looked around at the nicely dressed people waiting. Funny how people did actually eat this early. Dib found he  rarely ate before about ten. 

“Y-yes?” She looked a little confused. “Would you like to browse a menu while you wait?”

“Yeah I  kinda want to see the prices in this place.” Clark looked a little uncomfortable. 

“I mean sure if you want, but I can cover it. It’s not that bad.” Dib waved off the concern. “I mean, this is my way of saying: thank you.” 

“We currently have a  forty-five-minute wait.” The hostess smiled politely. “What name would you like us to put the reservation under?” 

“Membrane.” The hostess froze at the response. 

“Just a moment.” She smiled at Dib before hurrying to the back and having a very  in-depth discussion with a nicely dressed man that Dib vaguely remembered was the owner of the place. (His dad had helped invent their entire line of kitchen  equipment ). She quickly made her way back, her friendly  demeanor now  multiplied by ten. “’ Actually, Mister Membrane, a  table just  opened up! You can come right this way!” She grabbed two menus and quickly scurried through the crowd with Dib and a rather  surprised Clark in tow. Dib was a bit surprised himself, but he supposed his family name still held a great deal of clout, despite the fact that he never had the opportunity to use it. They were sat at a table on  the second floor where the guests were  more spaced apart and the dull roar of conversation from below was far less  noticeable . “Will  this be okay, sir?” 

“Yeah it’s fine. You like it?” He looked to Clark who nodded, looking around in a bit of awe. She placed the  menus in front of the two before hurrying off again. Clark picked up the menu looking a little  bewildered by the treatment.

“There are no prices on here.” He looked a bit concerned. 

“Don’t worry about it; I never paid you back for that pizza so we can call it even.” 

“I... would...  _ hardly _ call that even...” 

“I mean I’m sure you paid for other stuff I forgot. If you don’t like this place though we can go.” Dib didn’t understand what was making Clark so uncomfortable. His didn’t think it was all that weird. His dad sometimes brought them to places like this when they had gotten older and Dib thought the food was good- at least- better than the dining hall. 

“If you’re sure- but please don’t hesitate to change your mind on the bill.” Clark gave him a bit of a smile. “And I’ll definitely buy the next pizza.” 

“Then we’re even, so it’s good.” Dib waved him off. “So, you did really well taking care of me last night. It’s hard to believe you cured me in under twelve hours.” 

“I don’t think I cured you.” Clark shrugged. “I think you had some sort of anxiety attack, honestly. But it might have been a bug.” 

“A bug huh?” Dib leaned a little closer toward Clark across the table causing the young medical student to raise an eyebrow at him. “Like a  _ Parasite _ ?” 

“I mean... that’s doubtful. Probably just a stomach virus.” 

“ So, you admit it!” Dib pointed the menu at Clark triumphantly. “You know what Parasites are!”

“Yes Dib, lots of people do. A vast variety of parasites have been studied across the globe to assess their effects of humans and animals.” 

_ Ah fuck. _ In all his excitement he had forgotten that the alien race shared a name with creatures  also found on his own planet. 

He would blame the screw up on lack of sleep. 

“ ** That was pretty stupid ** .” Dib jumped a bit, forgetting he had CB in his ear. Clark looked over, but he covered the reaction by stretching. 

“Why do you think you have a parasite?” Clark closed the menu, looking over at his  companion, that eyebrow still raised . “Have you been anywhere unusual? Come into contact with something I should know about?” 

“ ** He is pressing you for information about Q ** !” CB had a point. If Dib was right, and Clark was Syndicate, then Q had been their prisoner. (Honestly, Q probably deserved whatever awful fate the Syndicate had in store for him, but outing Q at this point  would put  Zim at risk. He doubted the Parasite would keep his mouth shut about the  location of the missing  weapon that  Skoodge had  weaseled out of him). Dib leaned back in his seat. 

“Oh well, no, not really. But I tried to Web MD myself and you know how those results go.” He made an uncomfortable attempt at laughing. 

“I was about to say, what sort of weird places has your friend ‘Zim’ been taking you too.” Clark laughed. “When do I get to meet him anyway? You talk about him a lot but you never invite him over. He must be a lot of fun.”

“ ** He is deflecting the conversation. ** ” CB whispered pointedly. “ ** You should punch him and tell him he is the one on trial here. ** ” 

“Y-yeah,  Zim’s okay.” Dib ignored the truly  terrible advice. He was, thankfully,  interrupted as a waitress came by to take their orders. Clark kept his pretty simple but Dib went ahead and ordered what his dad had gotten him last time. He remembered it being pretty good. 

“I never realized you liked places like this.” Clark looked around in awe. 

“I mean they have good food. The atmosphere can be a little stuffy and if you ask for a Poop  Cola they just glare at you; but other than that, I like it.” 

“ ** You are letting him get you off topic. ** ” CB critiqued. “ ** If you are not going to punch him, at least ask him more about what happened after you fell on your face ** .” 

“So, after I passed out, did you carry me to my room? You’re stronger than you look.” Dib took a smug sip of his drink. Clark stared at him blankly. 

“I’m not sure if that is a compliment or an insult.” Dib wanted to shoot back with: ‘ _ It’s an accusation _ ’. But merely shrugged. “I mean, yeah. I sort of had to half drag you because you’re so tall, but I managed...”

“Why not just call the ambulance? I mean you had to be pretty panicked, right? A simple college student alone with an  unconscious roommate.” 

“I mean... you were breathing normally. It seemed like overkill. Plus, last time your sister came by she said you don’t really take care of yourself. I figured if things got worse then I could call. But you  told me when I first moved in you didn’t trust the medical system...”

“Oh... that is true.” 

“ ** This guy is good. You will have to tase him ** .” Maybe letting CB tag along wasn’t the best idea. 

“Did you live anywhere before Texas?” There had to be some kind of hole in his backstory.  Zim barely knew about the concept of parents- surely Clark couldn’t have grasped all of Earth culture. The suspect shook his head. 

“No, mom and mom really liked the area so we pretty much just stayed there.” 

“Why haven’t I gotten to meet your parents?” 

“Because they are in Texas.” 

“ ** You are really bad at this ** .” 

“Why did your brother get a job up here, then?” Dib tried his best to ignore CB. 

“I  dunno .” Clark shrugged. “I guess he liked the campus. Or he is doing it because he still treats me like his baby brother despite the fact that I’ll be going to  med school next year.” The sever returned laying the food out in front of them. Clark began to dig in. 

“ ** This is not  ** ** working; ** ** you need me to be the bad cop ** . ** If you throw the phone at  ** ** him, ** ** I can yell insulting things about the Syndicate for both a physical and emotional attack ** .”

“Okay, then what about the night we found the drone?” Dib cut into his steak. Clark already had a mouthful by the time he had finished posing the question.

“ Wha ’  abou ’ it’?” he mumbled trying to chew. 

“I was looking at the video and I saw this.” He pulled out his phone and turned it to Clark as the shaky footage from that night began to play. Clark gave him a confused look.

“Yeah I remember that. I was there.”

“ Yes, I know that.” Dib was getting annoyed. “But look right here, right before the ship  explodes, you’re standing right outside. Then it blows up and somehow you’re right behind me?” He pointed his fork, still holding his steak, at Clark. “A likely story.”

Clark blinked. “I am pretty sure you flew back into me.” He looked thoughtful. “Plus, I had walked into the drone right after that clip happened, to come and get you because you were scaring me.” He pushed the phone back toward Dib who let the video play further to the point where Clark had nearly wrapped around the solid tree. 

“Then explain this!” He pushed the phone back in Clark’s face. 

“Explain what?”

“Look, you slammed into that tree.” Dib replayed it back. 

“I don’t think I hit it that hard.” 

“Clark,” Dib zoomed the video in so he could see the damage left in the splintered wood. “Look at the tree, you practically snapped it.” 

“That just looks blurry to me.” Clark shrugged at went back to his food, pushing the phone back to Dib again. Dib bit angrily into his steak as all his trump cards fell flat against Clark’s  oblivious façade. He sat for a moment, chewing his food, deep in thought. 

“ ** Just get to the point. He is running you in circles ** .” He hated to admit it, but CB was right. If Clark was going to play dumb, Dib had no choice but to be upfront with his accusations. It was time to lay it out on the table.

“Clark,” He pointed the fork at him again. “You seem to have inhuman speed and recoverability- maybe even strength. You’re an alien.” Clark paused, his fork in his mouth,  looking at Dib with a blank expression. He looked around himself as if trying to find something before swallowing his food and putting the utensil back on the table. 

“Didn’t we do this bit last night? Or did I dream it.” 

“You are not from Texas, Clark Rodgers. You are from space. You. Are. An.  Alien .” He punctuated each word with a tap on the table. To his surprise, Clark didn’t really look alarmed or upset, but rather  bemused by the accusation. 

“Ok. Okay.” He went back to his steak. “You stay inside a lot; leave at weird hours; sleep till five in the afternoon; and wear a  trench coat . You. Are. A. Vampire.” He mimicked Dib’s hand motions with perfection as he spoke. 

“What?”

“ ** Are you a vampire ** ?” 

“No, this is serous!” He was answering both CB and Clark. “It’s not a game Clark! I’m going to find out the truth!” Dib slammed his hands on the table. He paused; Clark’s eyes had darted to the side. Dib began following his gaze, looking around him to see the other people staring at the two in silence. The server scurried back over. 

“Is everything all right?” She asked. Clark waved her off. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. We were just playing a game.” Clark  laughed; his  easy-going attitude  seemed to make the server a little less uncomfortable. “We got a little loud and I’m sorry about that.” The server gave a thin smile and nodded. 

“A-all right.” Though more relaxed, she still didn’t seem to trust the reply. “Please keep it down.  Remember there are other patrons.” 

“ ** Did he defend you ** ?” CB sounded just as confused as Dib felt. “ ** What is his  ** ** angle ** ?” 

“Probably doesn’t want to bring the unwanted attention on himself.” Dib muttered as quietly as he  could under his breath. 

“Hm?” Clark looked up. 

“Oh, I just  said : It’s a game. You win.” 

“I don’t think that was nearly enough syllables.”

“It’s what I said though.” Dib let out an exasperated breath as he stared hard into his food. This was a lot harder than he had given it credit for.

“Huh.” Clark went back to his food as well, apparently content not to question Dib any further. He was quiet for a little bit before he laughed to himself. “You know, all things considered, it’s not the worst date I’ve ever had. A little  unorthodox maybe. But I’m having fun!” 

“W... what?” Dib nearly choked on his food as Clark’s words finally clicked. “Wait.” He coughed, trying to swallow his food instead of inhaling it. “No- Clark. No. This wasn’t a date. I don’t date suspects.” He finally choked the words out. Sure, Clark was attractive in a boy-next-door kind of way, but Dib assumed that was part of the danger. He’d lure you in with the bright blue eyes and crooked smile and then... well... Dib wasn’t exactly sure. But it probably involved decapitation. 

Definitely decapitation.

“Why exactly am I a suspect?”

“Everyone’s a suspect.” 

“ So, you can’t date anyone?” 

“No. Wait. Yes? I mean I’ve never really been on a date. But, no- this isn’t about me, Clark. This is about you being an alien.”

“ Riiiiiight , I’m an alien.” He laughed. “Well Dib, you took me out to a nice  restaurant in an attempt to get to know me better. You can see how I would get confused.” Great. Now Dib was confused.  _ Had _ this been a date? No. This was an interrogation damn it! “Regardless, date or not, this was pretty fun! I liked the part where we got to really talk.”

“ ** I am confused, was this a romantic  ** ** endeavor ** ?” Dib had to reach into his ear and turn CB off. This whole situation was confusing enough without the commentary. 

“Do you have to be so nice about this? It wasn’t what I was expecting...” Dib huffed as he finished his food. Clark laughed. 

“I’m unpredictable I guess!” Dib wasn’t sure why he got red faced when he saw the grin on the other man’s face- it probably was some trace side effect from Q’s toxin. Dib quickly downed the rest of his drink in an attempt to quell the heat inside him. “Honestly Dib, I’m just glad we’re talking. I’ve  always thought you were interesting.”

“Y-yeah.” Dib grabbed the check off the table and waved the server down to pay. “But don’t think you are off the hook just because you flirted with me.” 

“I  guess I have to be interrogated again then.” Clark seemed pleased with himself, just confirming Dib’s suspicion that he was an alien. “But if the flirting makes you uncomfortable, of course I’ll stop.” Dib felt his face heat up a little more. 

“Y-you’re distracting that’s all.” On the one hand, the attention was kind of nice. He wasn’t accustomed to this type of flattery. Maybe it was some sort of mind control- or maybe Clark was just using his looks to get Dib off the trail. That was the more likely option. But... to be sure, he would have to do a little more research into the Syndicate and the aliens within their ranks. “But this was... fun.” Dib wanted to think he was lying, that his enjoyment was part of the charade- but... he actually had enjoyed himself despite his best efforts. 

“Yeah! I had a nice time! I mean the part with you hitting the table was a little much, but the reactions were kind of funny.” Clark really was taking this too well. It  pretty much assured he wasn’t human. Dib couldn’t imagine any other human shrugging off his outburst. Dib jumped as his phone let out a rather aggressive buzz in his pocket as the two headed out. Dib checked the messages and there was one from his own number. 

** Me: ** DID YOU MUTE ME!?

Ah. CB must have realized he turned the  Bluetooth off. 

“Everything okay?” Clark looked over at Dib. 

“Oh, yeah, something came up at home. You mind if I drop you off real fast?” At least this was an out. Dib wanted to head back for a while anyway and having failed to prove Clark was an alien  tonight \- he felt returning to the apartment now would be admitting defeat. 

Dib placed his phone back in his pocket, figuring CB could hear him well enough. “Oh of course, is everyone okay?” Clark seemed genuinely concerned. 

“Yeah, my dad just wanted me to see his new invention.” Dib took Clark back to the car. “It pretty much never works the first time  so I may be in late.”

“You always are, Vampire boy.” Clark teased. Dib smirked. “Well tell your family hello for me. Especially your sister who I am not going to lie,  terrifies me a bit.” 

“She does that.” 

“I’m glad she isn’t coming over because she always kicks my ass at whatever game I’m playing. I want to keep my  self-confidence for a bit longer.  Plus, I can’t  tell if she likes me or not.” 

“She also does that.” Dib mused. “I don’t think she likes people in general.” 

“I think that  makes me feel better.” Despite the fact that he had gone through an interrogation, Clark was still pretty upbeat as they made their way back to the apartment. “I hope your dad’s machine works!” Clark hopped out of the car as Dib pulled up in front of the apartment. 

“Same. See you.” He waved before Clark closed the car door and headed  inside and Dib decided his best course of action was to go to the Membrane House.  Tak’s ship still sat tucked away in the basement and Dib figured h e could scour the databanks for information. 

“ ** Did you think I  ** ** would ** ** not notice you turning off our communication!? How dare you ** !” The lights in the car all turned blue (that was new- Dib really needed to clear CB out of his car) as the AI came over the stereo sounding more offended than he had ever been before. “ ** You were unsuccessful because you could not listen and then you  ** ** disconnect ** ** me? You do not understand how interrogations work at all. We should have done this at the  ** ** Master's ** ** house ** .”

“Then he would know you snuck out.” Dib replied flatly. 

There was a very distinct pause. 

“ ** Just because that is correct does not mean you are right. ** ” CB retorted huffily. 

“I think if you analyze that  sentence, you’ll see how flawed it  really is.” Dib smirked to himself. He may have failed to get the better of Clark, but pissing off CB  made him feel better. The car pulled over to the side and Dib let out a frustrated sigh, no longer feeling that smug sense of satisfaction. He had forgotten CB could do that. 

“ ** Apologize. ** ” 

“CB  you diva, come on.” Dib  let his forehead hit the  steering wheel as he fell forward in an overly-dramatic display of exasperation. “I need to get to my dad’s place.” He wasn’t going to apologize to a computer with a superiority complex, so he figured he could  try enticing him. (It was like dealing with  Zim , only without the ability to throw him out). “There’s an old  Irken ship at my house, CB. It probably has  information about the Syndicate.” 

“ ** I have information about the Syndicate. I have information from the Master’s ship and his house ** .” He could tell he had at least peeked the computer’s interest. 

“That’s true. But for one: I doubt  Zim’s databanks are up to date. Now if you had access to  Skoodge’s ship and its data that would be different.” CB’s silence affirmed that he had yet to get ahold of  Skoodge’s ship. “Let’s face it, the Tallest probably aren’t keeping  Zim up to date.”  Again, CB was quiet. Dib was a bit surprised; he vaguely wondered if he had hit some kind of nerve. “If this Syndicate of yours is constantly expanding I need the most recent information.” 

“ ** That is fair ** .” CB finally spoke. 

“And also, I’ll be real with you: I don’t  fucking trust you, CB. You’re creepy and kind of unpredictable and I’m pretty sure you would sell me to your worst enemy for a single corn chip- and you don’t even eat.” Dib attempted to start the car again. 

“ ** Again, that is a valid assessment ** .” CB allowed the car to start and Dib merged himself back into traffic. The Membrane house wasn't terribly far from campus, so the forced stop by the uppity computer wouldn’t put him too far back. It was already dark before he had even dropped Clark off, but it wasn't like anyone at home had a normal schedule. Odds were Gaz hadn’t even been up for long. Ever since she started doing her schooling online, she’d been worse than Dib about staying up all night and sleeping all day. 

Sure enough, Dib pulled into the driveway and lights were on. He turned off the car, putting his cellphone in his back pocket as he got out of his car. He fumbled with his keys opening the house door only to see a distressed Foodio, frantically cooking in an otherwise empty kitchen. Dib decided to slip passed him. He wasn’t hungry anyway. 

In the  living room he saw his sister, playing  something, he didn’t recognize as an older, ginger woman attempted to play along.  Of course, Gaz was leaving her in the dust, but she was doing better than his father. Seeing her made Dib roll his eyes. “Are you still a thing?” The woman was a fellow scientist that his father had reunited with at some science  conference . She was also-

“Well your father and I have been married for two years as of last month. So yes. It appears I’m still a thing.” 

His step mother. 

Dib didn’t really trust her. She was a  geneticist who kept most of her projects secret and when he pried into her  work, she would just wave him away with something not-at-all reassuring like: ‘ _ Don’t worry, Junior, this one doesn’t involve you _ ’. 

Dib had brought up his concerns to his father about how she was: ‘ _ probably evil _ ’ and clearly had ‘ _ questionable scientific ethics _ ’. His father had just laughed and laughed and told Dib that it was one of the things he and the woman had in common. So, it was despite everyone’s best judgement that Dib and Gaz gained a scientific genius of a stepmother and Dr. Moira  O’Deorian became Dr. Moira Membrane. Dib wasn’t home much, but he assumed his dad would have grown tired of being in a more traditional family unit by now. 

“Why are you home?” Gaz didn’t even look away from the screen. “Hurry up Moira, you’re slowing me down!” 

“It’s an escort mission,  Gazline .” The Irishwoman retorted with an elegant air of indignation. “I am keeping the target safe.” 

“Safe from what? I’ve killed like everything.” 

“There were invisible enemies last level. They could spawn again.” 

“My roommate’s probably an alien if anyone is wondering.” Dib interjected, immediately bored of watching his sister and (hopefully temporary) stepmom argue about pixels on a television while their planet was probably under attack from the Syndicate. 

“Clark?  Yeah, I mean probably. No ordinary human wants to spend that much time with you.” Time had not softened Gaz’s biting wit. 

“Be nice  to your brother.” 

“I’m serious. He’s probably an alien.” 

“Who’s an alien?” His dad poked his head in from the hallway, part of his hair was smoking. “Are we talking about  Zim again?”

“No dad. You remember  Clark?  My roommate? He’s an alien.” 

“Oh? When did we finally get rid of Texas? They had it coming if you ask me.” 

“ No, I think he means like alien from space- darling you’re on fire.” Moira only glanced up from the screen for a moment but Gaz let out a frustrated sigh and she turned back. 

“Damn right I’m on fire! I’m making great progress to that power amplifier!” 

“Yeah I’m just going to go to the garage.” Dib had yet to convince his dad of  Zim and at this point he had honestly given up. 

“Dude, even if Clark is an alien, is it worth outing him?” Gaz knew about the supernatural underbelly with which Dib was  involved. “I mean, he’s your  friend, right? And you’ve already gone through two other roommates.”

“It’s worth it if he’s evil.” 

“Do you  _ know _ he’s evil?” Moira questioned. 

“I know  _ you’re _ evil.” Dib  replied pointedly.

“I’m not  _ evil, _ Junior . I’m  _ morally ambiguous _ . There’s a difference. And if it were not for that moral ambiguity you would not be here.” Dib made a face. He hated to be reminded that she played any part in his creation (even if it was just as a genetic consultant). 

“Don’t call me Junior.”

“Sorry to hear about your evil roommate, son.” His dad interrupted. As per usual, He seemed to have missed the point of the vast majority of the conversation. “Is he worse than that guy who was committing academic fraud? Stealing is one thing, but stealing scientific ideas should be punishable by death!” 

“That seems extreme, dad.” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No. I mean... he hasn’t done anything yet. It’s a work in progress, okay?” 

“I  mean I’d _ also _ be highly suspicious of anyone who found you attractive.” Gaz interjected. “ But that’s because I had to live with you. Just make sure you know what you’re doing before you end up scaring this guy off.” 

“Not helping!” Dib’s  cheeks reddened in frustration as he stalked passed his family to the back door. “I’m going to the garage! Don’t interrupt me!”

“No one cares!” Gaz called out; at the same time his stepmother  replied with: “Oh have fun, Junior”; and his father  mumbled : “About time we got rid of Texas.” 

Dib could not get to the garage fast enough,  remembering now more than ever, why he had decided to move into the college apartments. He made his way into the back where (thankfully)  Tak’s ship remained unbothered by the chaotic changes to the Membrane house. He quickly powered her up, readying for the inevitable barrage  of insults that would follow. 

“ ** What do you want  ** ** you ** ** lumpy meat-sack ** !?” And there it was. 

“I need to talk with you about the Galactic Syndicate.” Dib straightened himself up. “What species does it house currently? Can you tell? Are there any mind controlling or shape-shifting types?”

“ ** Woah! Wait a moment ** !” The ship sounded unhappy. “ ** What is that abomination in your butt!? ** ” Dib blinked. 

“In my butt?” He paused at a complete loss. “Wait, you mean my pho-” Then it hit him. “Oh! You are talking about CB? He is not in my butt.” 

“ ** I am most assuredly not  ** **_ in _ ** ** his butt ** .” CB affirmed quickly. 

“ ** It talks too!? How wretched! ** ”

“ ** Well you are no sight yourself you out of date- ** ” Dib turned the phone off quickly. 

“He’s gone. See?” He held the phone up. This was a bad idea as it powered instantly back on and CB continued seamlessly where he had left off. 

“ ** Make-shift excuse for a cruiser. Can you store information on the Syndicate on those tiny data drives? Because I calculate that you cannot. ** ” Great. The two computers apparently hated  each other . He was hoping he could have used CB to ease his way into getting information from  Tak’s ship, but that plan seemed to be dead on arrival. 

“I’ll put him outside.” Dib promised. “But only if you give me the information I need.” 

“ ** Any why would I do that!? ** ” The ship sounded truly  appalled .

“Because if you  don’t, I’ll plug CB directly into you.” 

“ ** Do it ** .” CB urged. 

“ ** Very well. ** ” CB’s eagerness must have been noticed by  Tak’s ship because she very quickly relented. “ ** Take that monstrosity out of my sight and I shall share the intel you request. ** ” Dib grinned. It seemed CB was useful  after all . He sauntered outside, and placed CB on the ground in front of the garage door, despite his protests. 

“There, he’s gone. Now, do you have  recent information on the Galactic Syndicate?”

“ ** My intel is up to date ** .”  Perfect. “ ** There are a few mind controlling  ** ** species ** ** and shapeshifters in the  ** ** Galactic ** ** Syndicate.  ** ** However, ** ** they have all been deemed low-threat by the Empire ** .” 

“How strong is their military force?” 

“ ** The Syndicate Rangers are a diverse group of the military elite gathered from each of the Syndicate planets. The  ** ** Irken ** ** Empire has them listed as being a high-priority threat. There is also a do-not-engage order for any and all Syndicate allied planets and forces. ** ” 

“If any of those Rangers were here on this planet, how would I know?” He had to get down to the meat of the problem. 

“ ** Well if you  ** ** weren't ** ** a pathetic flesh-bag and were an  ** ** Irken ** ** , you would just know.  ** ** Irkens ** ** can identify species-even those with advanced disguising capabilities and invisibility- through the scanning function of our PAKS. It is just one of the many reasons we are going to one day  ** ** rule ** ** and/or destroy your pathetic excuse for a planet. ** ”

“I see.” Dib sighed. He had wanted to do things on his own. After all,  Zim was unreliable and  Skoodge just made Dib uncomfortable due to his competence. It wasn’t a good feeling to know that he had taken down planets in the past. But if Dib  wanted to progress in the quest to save his planet from the Syndicate- it  seemed as if he would  need to bite back his pride and force down his insecurities. It sounded like he would need an Irken.

“ ** Are you done? ** ”  Tak’s ship sounded bored with him already. 

“I am. Thanks for your help.” 

“ ** You are fortunate that you have had the opportunity to work with functioning Irken technology rather than that horrid... thing you brought in with you. ** ” 

“Yeah yeah,” He figured Tak’s ship would hate something manufactured by  Zim , as she did not have a high opinion of  Zim either. Though Dib’s initial hope had been that they would cooperate- he should have known better. “You can shut down if you wish-” And instantly the ship turned off. Dib would have been offended if this had been the first  time she had done this- but he was accustomed to the behavior by now. 

It didn’t  matter . 

Dib had a phone call to make. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No art this week- I was busy and this chapter actually took pretty much all week to write. I'm SO excited, next week celebrates the 10th chapter for our story!!!! I can't believe we're already almost 10 chapters in! Let me know what you think of Chapter nine!!!!


	10. It's a Trap!

Dib marched out of the garage and picked an irate CB out of the ground. “Okay, so  Irkens can recognize alien races just by scanning them. So, despite the fact that I really did not want to resort to this, I am going to need you to call  Zim .” 

“ ** No ** .” 

“What do you mean no?”

“ ** No. You left me out here in the grass. ** ”

“Don’t be a bitch CB, call Zim.”

“ ** No. ** ** I do not want to. ** ” 

“Then I guess I will just go to him myself and tell him how you broke your grounding to come out with me.” CB for all his sass and insults, still seemed to listen to  Zim . It was kind of funny to imagine CB  as Zim’s rebellious teenage son. 

“ **... fine ** .” The cellphone pulled up the call screen and dialed Zim without Dib having to push a single button. 

“What do you want?” It was just like  Zim to sound annoyed. It wasn’t like the  Irken slept ( though apparently , he could if he wanted) so Dib doubted he was interrupting anything. Dib sighed heavily as he headed back to his car. 

“Okay, so I'm pretty sure my roommate, Clark, is actually part of the Galactic Syndicate- or at the very least: an alien.” Dib let it all out at once. It felt good telling someone who really, truly understood what was at stake. 

“Kay.” Zim didn’t sound all that concerned; that was a frustrating turn of events. 

“So, I’m going to need you to help me analyze him.” 

“Oh.” The reply was just as flat and disinterested. “Yeah. No. I talked to Skoodge, he thinks we should drop the investigation for a bit since we got our hands on the weapon. We don’t really want to draw the attention of the Syndicate survivors to us.” 

“Damn it Zim! My roommate _ is  _ one of those Syndicate survivors!” Dib insisted, before hesitantly adding: “I mean, probably.” 

“So, what exactly did you want Zim to do about this?” 

“I need you to come and meet him. Tak’s ship told me you could scan him with your PAK. Then I can prove he’s an alien and save the Earth.” 

“ Zim’s PAK is incredible and I could easily determine the species and alignment of you ‘roommate’. BUT! I will not.  Skoodge has raised many excellent points about why we should not do that.” It seemed not even  Zim’s ego could change his mind on this. The more  Skoodge got involved with things, the less Dib was starting to like him (and Dib hadn’t been a fan of Skoodge from the start).

“If you like Skoodge so much why don’t you just marry him?” 

“Zim has been bonded before and doesn’t want to go through that again right now.” 

“What?” 

“What?” Zim repeated the question back at him. Dib had not followed that sentence in the slightest. He was able to figure out that the word ‘bonded’ probably meant something akin to marriage for Irkens, but that was about it.

“Look, Zim,” Dib didn’t have the energy to deal with this. “This is really important.” Reason wasn’t going to work. Zim needed incentive. “And if you do it, I’ll clean up after GIR for a week.” 

“Deal.” Zim’s response was instant. “But Skoodge won’t like it.” 

“Fuck Skoodge.” 

“I can hear  you, you know. I’m in the room.” Dib furrowed his brow as the unmistakable voice  of Skoodge came over the line. “ Zim is sitting next to me.”

“ ** I bet you feel stupid. ** ” He could hear CB’s voice in the background of the call and recalled that he was able to occupy the house as well is his phone. If CB weren’t both creepy and an asshole, Dib would have been impressed. “ ** You ** ** thought  ** ** Zim ** ** was alone but he was actually with  ** ** Skoodge ** ** the entire time you were talking. ** ”

“CB has been sneaking out of the house while  pretending to be my phone.” Dib  wasn't about to take shit from a computer. 

“CB! No! You were commanded to be grounded! You must listen to  Zim !”  Zim immediately jumped onto the new topic. “Now you must be grounded for  quadruple forever. 

“ ** Traitor ** .” CB huffed. 

“Your home base AI is awfully disobedient.”  Skoodge commented in the background. “Has it always been that way, even before the updates you made?” 

“You guys are getting off topic! This is about Earth, remember? And the impending Syndicate invasion?” Things had been easier when they were just  Zim and Dib. Getting  Skoodge involved had caused a lot of  unnecessary complications. He wasn’t even sure why  Zim was so keen to listen to this guy anyway.  Zim didn’t like to listen to anyone.

Maybe he was just lonely. 

“ _ Invasion _ is a strong word for it.”  Skoodge replied dryly. “They crash-landed here, if you recall, any plans the Syndicate has for Earth are incidental at best.”

“Shut up,  Skoodge , this doesn’t involve you.” 

“Well, actually if we are going to be analyzing your roommate it does.”

“I asked  Zim . Not you.” 

“ Skoodge has been helping me update my disguise!”  Zim interjected. “It is truly hideous now! I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. It is only slightly less freakishly ugly than you are, Dib-slug!” The  Irken sounded incredibly pleased with himself on this fact. Dib hated to admit it, but improvements to  Zim’s disguise were probably a good thing. He just didn’t want to give  Skoodge any credit for helping since he had protested Dib’s investigation at almost every turn. 

“It’s more human now. The previous disguise would  not have fooled even the most basic of cadets. Plus, on the off chance  Zim and I are confronted, having two  Irkens is better than just one. Though we aren’t technically doing anything wrong by being here. It’s best just to avoid drawing attention to ourselves this far out of  Irken territory.” 

“And we are Invaders.”  Zim agreed. “And technically I was supposed to  conquer your pathetic dirt hole. It’s just that I deemed it not worth the Empire’s resources. But the Syndicate doesn’t know that so theoretically this could look bad.” 

“ So what’s the plan? You guys want to scope him out at our place or what?” 

“We should do a public area.”  Skoodge was quick to dismiss the idea. “On the off-chance that this roommate is actually something very dangerous like the Parasite you encountered, it would be best to be in a public place where he’ll be limited in his actions. It is unlikely he’ll  want to cause a scene around the locals. It would put his whole ship at risk.” 

“Okay, I’ll work something out with Clark. Then, I’ll send you the information so you can meet us.”  Finally, he was getting somewhere. 

He  hurried back to the apartment, of course Clark was nowhere to be found but the door to his room was closed so Dib assumed he was asleep already. The excitement of the impending trap had Dib on edge, sleep was difficult, so eventually he just gave up and decided to actually work on his schoolwork for once. 

CB was either gone from the phone, thanks to  Zim , or ignoring Dib because the Membrane clone had outed him. Either way, it was nice to finally get some peace and quiet. Dib realized he had been a little negligent in his schooling as he scrolled through his e-mails to find a very sternly worded letter from Doctor Rosenberg reminding him that he was at a school and some degree of attendance would be necessary if he wanted a passing grade. 

It was true- he'd gotten involved in the matters of planetary safety and the last time he had even thought about anything related to his major- it was when he accused Clark of letting Dr. Rosenberg into his room at three in the morning. And while Dib had no intention of attending his next class (he had already made his plans to trap Clark), he figured he should at least turn in a few of the assignments with upcoming due-dates. 

About two papers in, he heard the sounds of movement in the kitchen and immediately dropped what he was doing to skid out into the shared living area where Clark was almost to the door, backpack slung over his shoulder. The (probable) alien nearly dropped his bag as Dib barged in. “What are you doing up at this hour? I didn’t think you knew that  eight in the morning existed.” 

“Bold of you to assume I sleep.” Dib retorted as Clark just grinned, composing himself. “Look, Clark, my friend  Zim and his friend are going to be in town today and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a quick lunch or something? You’ve been talking about how much you wanted to meet him.” This was the perfect plan; no way Clark would be able to fool  Irken Invaders. (Well... one  Irken Invader and one... just plain  Irken ).  Skoodge was a bit unsettling, but he apparently had at least one conquered planet on his resume, so he must know what he’s doing.

“I  dunno dude, what time?” 

“Like... noon? You’re out of  lab by then, right? I  mean the time is up to you. They’re in town for a little while.” This was annoying, the plan wouldn’t work if Clark didn’t come. 

“I  kinda had stuff to do today, but we could grab some takeout and eat here so I can work on things. That should be fine, right?”

It wasn’t ideal, but Dib would take what he could get. “Yeah sure, that café down the street has good food and we can walk to our place from there.” 

“Perfect! I really have to run though so we can talk later! I’ll meet you at the café!” Clark more or less shouted the reply at Dib as he bolted through the door. Well... it had worked, he had gotten Clark to agree to meet them and that was enough. 

He went back to his room in an attempt to call  Zim again but his phone just showed him a middle finger emoji and shut off. Dib sighed. 

“Oh, so you are still in there.” 

The phone powered itself on. “ ** You got me into trouble. ** ” 

“You got yourself into trouble, I just made  Zim aware of the situation.” Dib countered. The glowing blue eye took over the screen again and narrowed  judgmentally . “Now stop being a baby and let me call  Zim .” 

“ ** Or you will what? ** ”

“Or I will do a complete system wipe.” He had actually been meaning to do it for some time, but CB had  occasionally still proved useful. There was a bit of silence as the AI seemed to weigh its options, contemplating if Dib was being serious or not. 

“ ** Very well. ** ”  Zim’s number dialed itself. 

“You have the information?”  Zim didn’t even bother with greetings as he picked up the phone. 

“Yeah, we’re meeting at the Cool Bean Café. It’s right down from my apartment. Then you guys can come back with us and we’ll eat it at our place. Clark says he doesn’t have enough time to stick around and sit down... I have kind of been dragging him out a lot recently.” He wanted to blame the  inconvenience on Clark avoiding his inevitable capture, but the likely  explanation was that, unlike Dib, Clark cared about his grades. 

“I thought we were  doing the entire encounter  publicly .”  Skoodge’s input suggested  Zim had just put Dib on speaker. 

“Well Clark doesn’t have time. Don’t worry they’re college apartments, he won’t be able to do much without alerting the entire floor- they aren’t exactly sound proof.” 

“I suppose it will have to do.” The chubby  Irken sounded far from thrilled. 

“It isn’t like they will see through our brilliant  Irken disguises!”  Zim , on the other hand, sounded excited. “I will become hideous like the Dib-filth!” 

“You always flatter me so much.” He rolled his eyes but it was wasted over the phone. “I’ll meet you  both at the café at noon. Don’t be late.”

“We won’t.”  Skoodge assured him. 

“THE CAFÉ WILL HAVE NO IDEA THAT THERE ARE IRKEN INVADERS DOING A TOP SECRET MISSION IN IT’S INNOCENT LITTLE BOOTHS!” 

“How did you know they had booths?’  Skoodge sounded impressed. 

“ Zim’s been there before.” Dib was quick to explain. 

“Yes!  Zim enjoys their muffins!” It was a simple statement but  Zim sounded as if this were vital intel being exchanged. 

“Right.” Dib sighed. “Okay I’ll see you both in a few hours.” He needed to find something to do to occupy himself as well. “Bye.” 

He went back to his schoolwork, but it was hard to focus as the minutes seemed to drag into hours. All he wanted was for it to be noon and for him to be proven right, once and for all, about his evil, alien roommate and his nefarious Syndicate  allegiance . 

It was finally close to noon and Dib practically ran to the café looking around for  Zim and  Skoodge . He had only seen  Skoodge’s human disguise briefly but he was certain his expert alien-detection skill would help him find the two. It was almost  instinct . 

“AT LAST MUFFINS!” It wasn’t like he had to try hard as he saw a robust strawberry blonde man with a slightly shorter, slender man with familiar red eyes and black hair. 

“Hey,” Dib walked casually  over to them, looking the new  Zim up and down. Freckles, slicked back hair, and muffin crumbs all over his face- there was no doubt it was  Zim . “You guys did a really good job.” He had to give credit where it was due.

“ Zim fought me every step of the way, but here we are.” Skoodge sounded tired. 

“I didn’t want to look hideous, but you’re right. That is the point of a disguise.”  Zim still sounded a tad indignant and Dib felt vaguely as if he had missed some part of an argument. “So which one of these disgusting human worms is the suspected Syndicate scum? Because these are all humans.” 

“He’s not here.” Dib pulled out his phone only  to see a text from Clark. 

** Roommate (12:01PM):  ** Hey got held up a bit,  go ahead and get in line, I’m almost there.  😀

Dib sighed, putting his phone back. “Let’s go ahead and get in line, you two start thinking about what you want.” This was taking  _ forever _ .

“The chili cheese dog sounds interesting.”  Skoodge seemed more open to human food than  Zim . 

“ Zim will get another muffin!” They shifted into the line as Dib shifted anxiously from foot to foot, constantly checking his watch and phone. He felt... hot, tugging at his collar as time continued to creep along.  Skoodge was enthralled by the menu and  Zim was playing with a straw, trying to balance it on his new (assumedly fake) nose. 

“ Heya ~” Dib,  Skoodge , and  Zim nearly jumped out of their respective skins as Dib felt a heavy pressure on his shoulders. He saw Clark’s grinning face next to his, the shorter, scrawny boy with an arm around his shoulders. “Sorry I’m late!”

“Oh no problem.” Dib waved him off. “ Zim brought his friend  Skoodge along, hope that’s okay.” He pointed to each of the  Irkens in turn. 

“Howdy! Nice to meet you!” Clark offered his hand to  Zim who stared at it blankly for a second.  Skoodge quickly took the offered hand. 

“Pleasure.” He smiled. Again, Dib found himself impressed by  Skoodge’s mastery of Earthly mannerism. “Forgive  Zim , he’s a germaphobe.” 

“Understandable.” Clark seemed unphased. “I love those names though!  Zim ?  Skoodge ? They’re really different!”

“Nicknames.” It was Dib’s turn to interject as he had been so accustomed to people just... not  questioning things that he couldn’t believe he had just tried to pass the name ‘ Skoodge ’ off as a human name. “I mean, you know Dib isn’t my real name either.” 

“I had a feeling, but you never told me your actual name.” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“Okay, don’t laugh.” 

“I won’t.” 

“It’s: Diego  Isandro Bolivar Membrane Junior.”

“That’s a lot of names.”  Zim remarked flatly. “You don’t need that many. And how many letters is that? Too many!  That's how  many !” They had reached the front window and  Skoodge very quickly turned away from the group and  began to order. Clark had pulled out his phone (which was a little unlike him) and was looking at the screen, annoyed. 

“Clark, your order?” Dib nudged him. 

“Hm? Yeah.” He put his phone down for a second and ordered. “Sorry these group projects get frustrating.” He quickly typed out a quick message and put it back. “I know you guys probably wanted to eat here, but you’ll like our place. Dib has a giant TV.” 

“You know, things are getting a little busy for you. We can just call it here.”  Skoodge offered politely. Dib figured they had already completed the scan and was trying very hard to read their expressions but both  Irkens had impressive poker faces. Dib figured it was because a great deal of their expression was through their antennae and  thus they didn’t really know how to do much with their faces. It was a little  aggravating \- he wanted to know. 

“No  no ! It’s fine. At least stay for a movie!” Clark laughed. “I’m good.” 

“School’s important. We don’t  want -” 

“I insist.” He chuckled. “I need the break.” 

They received their food as Dib continued to try and analyze the two Irkens to no avail.  Zim was being a little quiet though, and that was unlike him. He could have just been bored of the situation- that did tend to happen with  Zim . 

“Well... lead the way.”  Skoodge looked at his food with a sense of satisfaction. At least one  Irken wasn’t completely disgusted by human cuisine. 

“This way~” Clark took the lead heading out the door and down the road. “You guys should check out the campus! It is so much fun! And there is a lot to do around here!” He talked happily to the group though no one was really replying. “ Zim , how long have you known Dib anyway?” 

“Too long.”  Zim retorted dryly. That sounded like  Zim . Dib was now fairly certain the smaller Invader was just bored. 

“Are you guys in school  around here?” Clark was trying to make small talk. 

“Oh, no not yet. I just moved.”  Skoodge was surprisingly quick in his responses as opposed to  Zim who had a  tendency to hem and haw his way through simple conversations. “But I’m interested in culinary school. I’ve always been a bit of a foodie.” 

“ Skoodge is really good at eating.”  Zim agreed in a way that might have been intended to be complimentary but just sounded (to Dib at least) like an insult. “He could decimate an entire planet with his appetite!” 

“I can respect that.” Clark sounded amused. “Have you two known each other long? I mean I assume so given you have those crazy nicknames for each other.” 

“Since we were  sm -” Dib had the sinking suspicion that  Zim wanted to say ‘ _ since we were  _ _ smeets _ ’ but  Skoodge’s laugh cut him off as the Invader wrapped an arm around  Zim in what looked like just a teasing hug. 

“Since we were small.”  Skoodge finished  Zim’s sentence seamlessly. “Zack and I go way back. We actually grew up together. I missed him when he moved here.” 

“You missed me?”  Zim looked genuinely touched. “Well of course you did, who wouldn’t!? I’m simply too amazing to be without.” 

“I came all the way here, didn’t I?”  Skoodge ruffled  Zim’s wig in what looked to be an affectionate manner (Though Dib noted that he  was careful not to mess it up too badly, it still looked like real, human hair as  Zim fixed it back). “Home was just a little less amazing without you.”

“Aww that’s sweet~” Clark chuckled. “So  Zim’s real name is Zack huh?” 

“Zim is Zack, I’m Skyler. I feel like I got the short end of the  nickname stick though.”  Skoodge laughed rubbing his neck. 

“I’m excited to finally meet you! Dib talks about you all the time!” Clark pulled keys out of his pocket as they reached the apartment door. “Come on in! I can get us some drinks! Do you guys want anything.” He held open the door, ushering the others in. Dib almost felt guilty for socially trapping the invaders over what actually may have been a false alarm. (Actually. It would be interesting to see Skoodge act human for a day.)

“No  no we’re fine.”  Skoodge waved the offer off. Clark  shrugged, finally closing the door behind them. 

“You don’t have to stay long.” Dib heard the definitive click of a lock. “You just have to stay long enough to tell me what the hell you  Irkens think you’re doing.” Clark’s smile completely melted away as he fumbled with his backpack, pulling out what looked to be some sort of laser weapon. He pointed it directly at the two Irkens. “By order of the Galactic Syndicate:  Identify yourself.” 

Skoodge sighed looking down at his hotdog in disappointment. “ _ Mothra _ _ damn it _ . I didn’t even get to take a bite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 Chapters!!!!!! Woohoo! I hope you guys are ready for the next part because things are going to escalate from here! s always, let me know what you think! (Again, no art this week, been very busy).


	11. Syndicate Scum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a short chapter, very dialogue heavy. Hope you still enjoy it as much as the others! (Sorry about the late posting! Had to travel today!)

“How did you know our disguises were flawless!?”  Zim stood there, completely aghast as he looked down the barrel of an unfamiliar type of gun. The hair on the back of Dib’s neck stood on end- his heart raced in his chest to the point he thought it might burst. 

“Well even if I didn’t have X-Ray vision, there have been a lot of context clues.” Clark spoke, hands trembling as if he wasn’t quite sure what he was  doing , himself. “The name  Zim is very  Irken and that AI on Dib’s phone has a very  Irken personality- and it openly referred to its creator as  Irken once or twice.” 

“How did you hear-”Dib spoke up to defend himself. 

“My hearing is very,  _ very _ good. And I don’t think you know how loud you are. I knew this was coming; I just hoped that you would change your mind about outing me like this, Dib.” He looked... genuinely hurt. “I’m not mad, just disappointed. I guess we’re not as close as I thought.” His voice shook a bit and he seemed to be fighting to keep a poker face. 

Dib felt awful, but he was accustomed to pushing others away. Sometimes  heroes had to burn bridges- Dib just happened to burn a lot of them “I did what I had to do.” 

“But I haven’t done anything! You’re the one who brought  _ Irkens _ __ to  _ me _ !  So, what are you planning to do now, Dib? Put me in a lab? Dissect me? Report me to your government? See? I can make accusations against you too! It works two ways!” For someone who claimed he wasn’t angry, Clark sure sounded pissed.

“No! I just had to know what you were up to. I’m keeping my planet safe!” 

“Working with  Irkens is a dumb way to  _ protect _ a planet!”

Skoodge cleared his throat. “Yes,  Irkens that you are currently waving your laser gun at.  So, before you accidentally shoot us, what exactly is your rank? Isn’t there a Syndicate rule that indicates you must properly identify yourself before an arrest?” 

“I don’t have to tell you shit until you identify yourself to me!” Clark’s grip on the weapon tightened as he seemed to have been slightly distracted by Dib and only now seemed to remember who was actually at the barrel-end of his weapon. 

“You’re awfully young, you’re a cadet a best.”  Skoodge determined, looking Clark up and down with a generally unimpressed expression. “Are some kind of intern? Go get me some coffee.” 

“Ha! I’m not an intern, dumb ass!” Clark sneered. “I’m a doctor!” And then the realization of what he said seemed to hit. “... Fuck.” Credit where credit was due,  Skoodge had  weaseled Clark’s rank out of him through taunting. 

“ So, what are you  gonna do then, doc?” The  Irken seemed unimpressed. “Have me diet and exercise? Take me to medical jail?  Report me for violations against HIPPA?”

“I’m a combat medic!” Clark retorted. 

“Fictional position!”  Skoodge countered. “You literally made that up, just now.”

“I j- I mean... I-” Clark was clearly getting flustered. “When did an  Irken get a sense of humor anyway!? It’s not like  Irkens to be so cheeky.” 

“I downloaded it! So I can go all day, Space Boy!”

“Hey! That’s my line!” Dib  interjected .

He was quickly cut off by a loud: “Shut up Dib!” from both  Skoodge and Clark. Dib didn’t take it personally, Clark and  Skoodge seemed to both be quite heated and the young investigator figured he was the last thing on their mind. 

“Face it, Doctor, you can’t do a thing. As a medic you have no power to arrest me, or my companion.”  Skoodge put a triumphant arm around  Zim who more or less looked annoyed by the whole ordeal as it unfolded before him. 

The door to Clark’s room flew off its hinges as Clark’s brother slid into the room, another futuristic looking weapon in his hand. “He can’t, but I can.” Clark looked back at the shattered door in pieces on his floor. 

“Dude, I have to pay for damages, you know that, right?” He glared at his brother as he looked over the damages. “Where the hell have you been? I texted you ages ago! Were you just hanging out in my room!?” 

“I wanted to make a cool entrance.” Conner flashed a badge toward the two Irkens, ignoring his brother’s complaints. “Conner Rodgers, Security Officer.”

“That is not your real name.” Skoodge replied flatly. 

“Of course not. What sort of disguise would that provide!? None of us are using our real names.” Conner, despite his dramatic arrival, seemed to be decent at his job. “Who would do something so stupid?” 

“I don’t like the way you’re looking at me.”  Zim squinted at the  two Syndicate thugs. 

“Insults aside, you two don’t exactly have a reason to arrest us.”  Skoodge regained his composure after being a bit startled by the sudden addition of a second alien Invader. “It’s not illegal for us to be on this planet. This is  _ not _ a Syndicate world.” 

“You’re right, but we have reason to believe you’ve been cooperating with a prisoner of ours and endangering the planet locals- which goes against everything the Syndicate stands for. I mean...  _ technically  _ you’re not doing anything illegal- yet- but that’s enough to at least bring you in for questioning.” Conner seemed to have a better grip on the situation than Clark who had immediately lost his temper with  Skoodge’s constant prodding. 

“And you think we don’t recognize your name:  _ Invader Skoodge _ .” Clark was now taking a stance behind his brother. “That name is pretty much synonymous with the success of Operation Impending Doom II. You’re being here is a threat in and of itself!” 

“It’s a common name on Irk.”  Skoodge shrugged. 

“I mean that’s  fair; you don’t look like the guy on the posters...” Conner elbowed his brother. 

“ Of course it was  Skoodge !” It was now  Skoodge’s turn to elbow his companion as  Zim came readily to his  defence . “Do not nudge ZIM!”  Zim huffed. “I was defending your honor!” 

“Much appreciated, but now is really not the time.”  Skoodge sighed, rubbing the bridge of his fake nose. Dib was getting a little frustrated as he watched the two  rival , alien  factions bicker back and forth. He had honestly expected a little more gunplay from something as twisted as they Syndicate. However, neither Clark nor Connor was really quick to pull the trigger. (In fact, Clark looked a little uncomfortable holding the gun at all). 

“Enough fooling around! We have to do something before these guys kill us all for knowing their secret!” Dib very much wished he  had an advanced space weapon to pull out of a bag- but he had to settle for just being the tallest one in the room and hoping that would be intimidating enough. (He had his doubts; the odds of another height-based  hierarchy were astronomical. Then again, so were the odds of him having an alien for a roommate- so Dib supposed odds didn’t matter in the end). 

“That’s not really their thing.”  Skoodge waved for Dib to step down. 

“Torture then.” Dib narrowed his eyes at Clark. “You’re  **_ disgusting _ ** .”

“I...” Clark looked down, but it did not appear to be out of shame. He just looked confused. “W... what?” 

“Or are you Syndicate Bastards more into brainwashing?” Dib wished, again,  that he could wave a gun in Clark’s face to emphasize his point- but the alien seemed to be slinking back all on his own. He actually lowered his weapon for a moment- Conner did not follow suit. 

“Dib, do you actually know _ anything _ about the Syndicate?” Clark looked angry again and Dib felt himself losing a bit of his  fervor \- but he reminded himself that his roommate was here to destroy his planet (not be his friend) and the fires reignited inside him. 

“I know enough! I heard about how your people like to  _ assimilate _ planets!” Dib retorted. “How long until Earth ends up like the others!?” 

“A long fucking time if everyone behaves like you.” Clark grumbled but quickly turned back to address Dib. “Okay then, genius, tell me what exactly happens when we assimilate a planet. I’m just curious. You’ve done your research, so tell me.” 

“I...” Dib opened his mouth and then closed it again. 

**_ Fuck.  _ **

Clark actually had a point, as much as it killed him to admit it. Dib didn’t really know what happened after- he only knew that it was something the Syndicate did.

“It’s awful.” Zim, thankfully, spoke up. “The Syndicate gets all involved and then everyone gets universal healthcare and they share all their scientific advancements with the other Syndicate worlds. It’s actually the worst.”

“Yeah-” Dib cut himself off as he actually listened to  Zim’s description before turning to face the  Irken so quickly that the tails of his trench coat whipped around his legs. “Wait!  _ WHAT _ !?” He was completely flabbergasted. 

“Syndicate worlds are so much harder to  conquer because they gain access to all the Syndicate resources. Plus,”  Zim didn’t seem to realize why Dib was upset “with that stupid treaty it makes worlds they touch off limits for  Irken Invasion.” 

“They’re fucking  **_ GOOD GUYS _ ** !?” Dib was completely at a loss. He had assumed he was hunting some sort of mind controlling dictatorship when he had apparently been tracking down members of some intergalactic peace corps. 

“It’s a matter of perspective.” Skoodge replied dismissively. “They have their flaws too.” 

“Every government has flaws.” Conner shot back. 

“Clark I-” 

“No Dib! I don’t want to hear it.” Clark held the gun back up but it wasn’t really pointed at anyone. Dib saw Conner push the barrel back to the ground since Clark seemed to be focused on other things. (Probably for the best in case he accidentally fired a shot). “I manage to save you from Q’s toxin and you sick  Irkens on me!? What sort of a friend are you!?” 

“I thought you were evil!” He tried to defend himself. 

“And I thought we were close, but I guess we were both wrong  today .” Dib didn’t like how much  those words seemed to sting. 

Q! That was right. Dib had one chance to try to make up for a mistake and (possibly) gain some new alien allies. “Clark wait- There was a weapon on your ship, right?” 

“Woah Dib-”  Skoodge tried to cut in but Clark talked over him.

“I... well... yeah but it wasn’t  _ our _ weapon!” Clark looked defensive again. “It was found on one of our  satellites and we were trying to figure out its origin. For the love of- Dib I  _ told _ you we aren’t trying to hurt your Earth!” 

“Shame it’ll never be found.”  Skoodge again tried to derail the conversation but Dib was (rightfully) pissed at the  Irkens . They had plenty of  opportunities to stop him from accidentally attacking a peaceful band of alien refugees. 

“Yeah  yeah , I know.” Dib was on a mission now. “But Q found the weapon. He gave it to the  Irkens . You guys should take it back. You know, on the next probe that comes looking for you.” Dib saw  Skoodge’s face harden even through the fake disguise.

“Wait...” Conner kept his weapon raised but his expression softened. “You guys found it!? Y-yes we would like it back.”

“Well... of course.” Though the expression on  Skoodge’s face was pleasant Dib could hear the bitterness in his voice. Dib had forced their hand. “It’s only right.  Zim , can you ask CB to bring the weapon. We were trying to analyze it ourselves, you see, such a strange device.” 

“ ** Weapon in transport. ** ” CB’s voice came out of  Zim’s PAK. 

“Oddly nice of you.” Conner seemed unimpressed by  Skoodge’s tale. “Using your valuable resources to work on finding the origin of a weapon.”

“Not nice,”  Skoodge corrected,  “we don’t trust anything given to us by a Parasite. Would you?” 

“That’s fair.” Conner had to admit that  Skoodge’s answer made sense. “And I trust that AI you  summoned isn’t planning to shoot us with the weapon when it comes in?”

“That would put us at war.”  Skoodge replied calmly. 

“And  also it would be messy.”  Zim agreed. 

“And between you and me the AI is kind of an obstinate asshole. It doesn’t take orders well, so I wouldn’t worry about the  Irkens programming a secret agenda into it. I’ve heard it interact with Dib.” Clark half-whispered to Conner. Dib had to agree. The odds of CB following any orders seemed to be slim at best.

Of course, it did not take long for the AI to reach the campus. He was using the same robotic body that Dib had seen with Q, though it looked like it still needed some repair. Limping a little, CB handed the cube Dib had seen  Skoodge hide the weapon in, over to the Invader in question. After messing with a few buttons on the side,  Skoodge reached a hand in and pulled out the weapon. It was definitely the one he had seen Q hand over. Sure,  Dib had only seen it for a moment, but he wasn’t one to forget a piece of alien tech.

Immediately, as the gun surfaced, Clark looked a tad ill. “That thing gives me the creeps, always has.” The gun fell out of his hand to the floor with a loud clatter as he took a few steps back. “Conner you’ll have to carry it to the Captain.” 

“At least we know it’s legit.” Conner, reluctantly lowered his gun and took the device from  Skoodge . “Thank you Dib... I guess... you tried to out us to the  Irkens but... I mean... you got us our weapon back so...”

“Just do us one favor.”  Skoodge piped up. “Can you... not mention us to your captain. It may look bad if you say you got the device from Irkens. I don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama.” 

“We’ll see.” Clark replied flatly. He followed his brother as the two walked  toward the door, opening it. “You guys can go.” Dib wanted to point out that it was his apartment as well... but it seemed like a bad time for semantics. 

“Hey Clark look,” He started to talk, but the blue-eyed alien sighed heavily as he followed  Skoodge and  Zim out of the apartment. 

“Not now Dib.” Clark wouldn’t even look at him and for some reason it bothered Dib immensely as he watched him stare at the ground. 

As soon as everyone was out, the door was shut and Dib was left standing with two disguised  Irkens on his own campus. “ ** That didn’t go as planned, I assume ** ?” CB’s robot body cocked its head curiously at the closed door. “ ** Because I was only half paying attention ** .” 

“I am surprised you actually gave up that weapon.” Dib decided to ignore the bot. He had a rough  enough day without having to deal with CB’s insults.

“It won’t matter.”  Skoodge replied flatly. “Getting that weapon back will probably cause more harm than good for those guys.” He looked over to Dib with a smirk. “I mean, there's still the matter of that traitor, right? The one who caused the crash? Whoever that is won’t like the Syndicate getting their weapon back. As far as I’m concerned, this will all work out well. We can just take the weapon once that  traitor strikes and, you know, kills them. ” 


	12. Conner

Dib had decided to spend the night back home.  Skoodge ,  Zim , and CB had decided to take their leave with no real follow-up to  Skoodge’s ominous statement regarding the possibility of a traitor in the midst of the Syndicate. Dib wanted to pry him more for information, however, he needed to get his thoughts sorted out before he made a move. 

He had been so quick to jump on the Syndicate he had fucked up what could have been a good alliance. The realization left Dib feeling a little  queasy . The look of betrayal in Clark’s eyes was burned into his memory. He couldn’t face him- not yet. 

But this wasn’t entirely on Dib. Clark had lied to him too. He had multiple opportunities to come clean about his intergalactic  lineage . So, in a way, they were both at fault for the miscommunication. Still, Dib had given them the weapon. He was sure once this little fight blew over things would go back to some degree of normalcy. But until that point, it was best to stay out of Clark’s way. 

Give him some time to cool down. 

Dib could use this time to strategize on how to work with the Syndicate to better ensure the safety of Earth. If aliens like Q or  Skoodge were going to be setting up bases here, Dib would need to be better prepared to defend his home. 

He opened the door to the house and was greeted with an explosive sound followed by the entire foundation tremoring beneath his feet. Why he had ever thought home would be a peaceful place to plan- he wasn’t sure. His father slid into the kitchen as if propelled by some unseen force, ash covering one side of his face. “Ah!” He noticed Dib in the doorway. “Hello son! If you are here to witness my amplifier in action, you’re too early!” 

“Oh. No.” He wasn’t entirely sure if it was a good thing that his dad had begun to stay at the house more often since his marriage. On the one hand, it was nice to see him; on the other, the inventions he brought with him often threatened to explode their home. 

“Oh! Junior welcome back!” Dib scrunched his face as his looming, super villain of a stepmother seemed to appear out of nothing behind his dad. “We don’t usually see you twice in one week, is everything all right?” 

“Fine,  _ Moira _ .” Dib narrowed his eyes at her. “Just figured I would stay here tonight. I need to get some good studying in.” 

“That sounds like a perfectly reasonable  explanation .” His dad nodded confidently. “I have no further questions!”

“Oh sweetie, did something happen between you and that cowboy?” Dib cringed at the affectionate nickname. He  wasn't sure which was worse: ‘ _ Junior _ ’ or ‘ _ sweetie _ ’. 

“No darling,” Membrane interrupted before Dib could come up with an excuse to satisfy the Irishwoman. “You heard  him; he’s  studying !”

“Without his books?” Moira pressed. 

“Books!? HA! He doesn’t need books! He’s a Membrane!” His father’s confidence was doing wonders to cover for Dib’s  alibi . “Membranes only need scientific curiosity and a lab full of  expendable employees in order to better hone their craft!” 

“ ** E-Expendable ** ?”  Foodio piped up in the corner where he had been quietly trying to cook a healthy meal through the tremors and minor explosions still resonating from the basement lab. “ ** Sir, you do not believe  ** ** Foodio ** ** to be expendable, do you ** ?”

“Oh  Foodio .” Membrane chuckled. “ Of course you are. Anyway!” Before the machine could process the response, the mad professor was on the next topic. “Dinner’s at seven! Come now darling, let’s not hold back my son from the joys of exploring science with his bare hands!” He wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist. She was looking at Dib, unconvinced but was quickly spun into her husband’s cybernetic embrace. “Also, the lab is still on fire! We should probably do something about that!” 

“Oh darling,” she sighed, hand to the Professor’s cheek, “I’ll get the fire extinguisher~” Dib tried his best not to gag as his father and stepmother vanished into the smoking mayhem below. Good to know he wouldn’t have to worry about either of them breathing down his neck. A part of him wondered if, since he had misjudged the Syndicate, perhaps he had misjudged his stepmom as well. Then he recalled that she and his father had been fairly open about her less-than-stellar criminal record and Dib was able to reaffirm his intense dislike for her. 

On his way up the stairs he started to walk by Gaz’s room. The door was closed and  the lights were off, so he assumed she was out. But as soon as he reached his own room, her door flung open. “You’re back early.” She had her headphones around her neck, an empty can of Poop cola in her hand. “I take it that whole evil, alien roommate thing didn’t go well?”

“He  _ was _ an alien. Just so you know.” 

“Yeah? Was he evil?” She crossed her arms, squinting at him with a knowing expression as she leaned in the door-frame. 

“Well... no. Not exactly.” Dib sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, Gaz, I think I actually fucked things up with Clark. I tried to make them better... but he’s mad at me.” It could have just been Dib’s imagination, but he swore he saw his sister soften her gaze. 

“That’s new for you... you don’t usually care if someone hates you.” Once in a while, Dib and Gaz could break through their years of sibling rivalry and actually talk. It was rare, but it always seemed to happen just when Dib needed it most. 

“He said he wasn’t mad... just disappointed.” 

“Ouch. That’s worse.” 

“I know right!?” Dib sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I  dunno Gaz... I guess it just bothered me because I feel like I actually hurt him. I know I’ve thrown people under the bus before- but I thought he was going to be using me, like  Tak was- trying to get to  Zim , or get to dad...” It was hard to  put into words why exactly he was feeling so shitty right now. “But he wasn’t... and I don’t know  why but that makes it worse...?”

“Probably because he actually liked you and saw you as a friend, but the moment you started to suspect  him; you only saw him as a threat.” Gaz’s tone wasn’t accusatory, but the words still stung just a bit. “ So, in a way, you were doing to him what others have been doing to you. That feeling you have right now? It’s guilt.”

“Well it fucking sucks.” 

“Yeah but I guess now I have evidence that you are a human and not just a Gremlin that lives in the room down the hall.” Gaz walked over, nudging him with her shoulder. “Just relax for a bit- at least until dinner gets done. You can join me in my game, but if you slow me  down, I will leave you to die without hesitation.”

Dib smiled just a bit. “That sounds good. Let’s do it.”

It was nice just to sit with Gaz, watching her yell at the screen as they took out  hordes of zombies without hesitation. The whole adventure was cathartic. He really had made the right call by going back to see his family. Even the family dinner wasn’t all that bad. Dib needed this small ounce of normalcy to get him to the next day.

Still, as he tried to close his eyes and go to  sleep, he could still hear  Skoodge’s warning echoing in his head. Q had mentioned a traitor as well- the idea had never completely left Dib’s mind. He tossed and turned with the concept until finally he was able to drift off into an uneasy sleep. He hadn’t realized he had drifted  off at all until he heard a knock at his door. 

“Junior, dear, the police are at the door.” Dib jumped out of his bed, peeking out his window to see none other than Conner at his front door. 

“Be right out!” Dib called over his shoulder.

That was... weird.

What the hell did he want? 

Dib threw on some (hopefully) clean clothes before opening the door to look into the mismatched eyes of his stepmother. Moira leaned a little closer, lowering her voice. “Are you in trouble with the law? Say the word and I can help you sneak out of here.” 

“N... no I’m fine.” Well at least she was willing to help him escape from the cops; she must not be a completely  terrible stepmother to have around. “He’s Clark’s brother.”

“Oh, then should I let him in? Your dad has the lasers pointed on him in the back, I can tell him to stand down.” She pressed a button on her wrist. “We’re good, my love, Junior says the officer is a friend. You can head back to your lab.”

Dib heard the distinct sound of the  house's defenses disarming before his stepmother stepped aside. “Good to know you have my back, I guess.” Dib was mildly amused by his family’s willingness to fight. “Do you know what he wants?”

“No, he didn’t say.” She turned to head back down the stairs. “Shall I let him in?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. But if you hear me like... scream or anything have dad come in with the big guns.” It was better to be safe than sorry. The Syndicate were (apparently) peaceful but that didn’t mean Conner wasn’t going to hold a grudge.

“We’ll be on high alert~” She  disappeared down the winding stairs and shortly after Conner made his way up into the room. It was weird to see him (especially  without Clark ) as Dib and Conner’s interactions had always been minimal. But, Dib assumed, Clark was still too mad to even look at him, so Conner must have come alone. 

“Hey,” Dib sat in his desk chair as Conner walked in, shutting the door behind him. “So... how did you know where my parents lived?”

“You’re not the only one who can be a creepy stalker when push comes to shove.” Conner didn’t come any closer, but he looked genuinely upset  about something. “And speaking of your weird creepy obsession with my brother-”

Dib cut him off. “We weren’t- and it’s not a creepy obsession! He really was an alien! You both are!” Conner gave him a look and Dib quieted down. 

“Look, something happened, something bad. After we took the gun to the Captain, we locked it in our secure, underground facility and it got stolen!” Conner was sounding a bit more frantic. Dib was surprised by how little time had passed before the spy had made their move. Skoodge really did see this coming a mile away. “And they think it was Clark!” 

“What? No way.” Dib had seen Clark try to hold a gun. He doubted his roommate had what it took to be some secret  thief . 

“Well... I mean...” Conner was clearly stressed, stumbling over his words, pacing around. “It’s not like they don’t have evidence.” He finally came closer to Dib. “The accusation wasn’t like pulled out of the Captain’s ass. She has security footage from the holding area.” 

“And you can show me the footage?” Dib leaned back in his chair as Conner pulled a small, disk looking item out of his pocket. 

He pressed a button and a hologram displayed the weapon in question on a  pedestal surrounded by some sort of transparent, thick wall. In the video, the metallic wall  surrounding the chamber was punched clean through as Clark walked up. He reared a hand back and shattered the  pedestal as all around him lasers and guns began to fire. He caught the gun, dodging the fire around him with surprising agility before firing the weapon at the opposing wall. The metal melted away with ease and Clark ran out the other side. 

Dib looked up at Conner then back to the video. “That... is some pretty damning evidence, dude.” Conner glared at him. 

“They arrested Clark this morning but I know he’s innocent. He says he has no idea where the weapon is and I believe him. That isn’t my brother in the video.” 

“I mean, that’s possible. I’ve never seen Clark punch through a wall before...” Dib sat back, deep in thought.

“Oh, he can actually do that. But it’s not him.” At least Conner sounded confident. Dib, on the other hand, was trying to figure out why, (if Clark could punch through a wall) had Clark insisted that Dib help him move the sofa last week.  Obviously, he could have done the task himself. 

“You’re not helping your case.” Dib sighed. 

“Look, you were Clark’s friend before you betrayed his trust and tried to turn him over to the  Irkens . You have to know he’s not capable of high treason!” Dib had to admit, Conner’s words stung a little more than he would have liked. The Clark he had known certainly didn’t seem like the type to steal. He had once walked all the way back to the cafeteria because he had  absentmindedly taken a cup. He doubted Clark was capable of stealing a weapon. 

“No, you’re right. But why come to me? Aren’t you guys mad at me?” 

“Furious. But you’re the only one I can turn to. The Captain and the First Officer both think Clark did it. They have him in a cell right now. I figure it was those  Irken assholes. They’re mad we got our weapon back and now they’re out for revenge.”

“Wouldn’t that put you guys at war?” Dib had heard  Skoodge’s nervousness about the fragile state of the Irken/Syndicate alliance. 

“I... I mean yes...” Conner looked annoyed. “And fucking Clark didn’t even tell the Captain about the  Irkens because he agreed with the fat one about it looking suspicious. And now if I come to her talking  about Irkens without proof, I’m going to look desperate.” 

“Skoodge.” Dib corrected. 

“Huh?” 

“The fat one, his name is Skoodge.” 

“Oh yeah like the conqueror of Blort. I remember now.” Conner seemed a little calmer. Dib figured it was best to just let him think  Skoodge was a common name and that the  Irken in question was not the  actual Invader. 

“I don’t think  Zim and  Skoodge took your weapon.” Dib wasn’t entirely sure, but he was willing to give  Zim the benefit of the doubt. “When I was talking to Q, he mentioned a traitor on  your ship from the very beginning. It was why he let you catch him. He knew it was going to crash.” 

“That’s right! You did meet Q!” Conner slapped his fist into his  palm emphatically. “ Man, you should have seen Clark begging the Captain to let him treat you. I thought for sure we were going to interrogate you for Q’s whereabouts once you were back on  your feet but that breaks out ‘no meddling’ rule.” Great, now Dib felt even worse. 

“Q said that one of the members of your crew was in disguise.” Dib tried to get back on topic. “They  sabotaged your ship and made it crash.”

“Wait... what’s all this now? Traitor?” Somehow, in all his  commentary , it seemed Conner had missed the part about the spy. He had just heard Q’s name and sprouted off on a tangent. For a (supposedly) highly  intelligent race, Conner and Clark both seemed to be lacking in the attention span department. Dib would assume it was part of the genetics, but from the sound of it, the Syndicate was a fairly  diverse group and he had no idea if Clark and Conner were actually related. Their human disguises could not look any more different if they had  actively tried. 

“When I confronted Q, he told me about the accident.” Dib explained. “He said that when he boarded your  ship, he couldn’t hear the thoughts of someone. He said he knew the ship was going to crash from the very beginning. Whoever caused the crash obviously doesn’t want you guys to find the origin of the weapon;  so, it makes the most sense to assume that was the thief.”

“I thought our ship crashed due to an engine malfunction. We didn’t have a proper engineer on board since the ship was primarily automated. The Captain said it was most likely a freak accident.” Conner’s version of the story  made it clear that Q had kept his intel to himself. Why he had chosen to explain this to Dib, he wasn’t sure, but Q seemed to be more than a little bit _ unhinged _ . Perhaps it was best not to try to analyze him too deeply. “But if there was some kind of spy on board then your  Irken friends might have had something to do with that!” 

“Probably not.” Dib shut down the theory fast. As great as it would be to have these guys get rid of  Skoodge , even Dib had to admit the odds of his involvement in the initial crash were unlikely. “ Zim has been on Earth for nine years and  Skoodge literally arrived like a week ago. The spy is probably one of your crew.” 

“It’s not Clark!” Conner immediately stuck up for his brother. 

“I mean, I don’t think it is either. I saw your brother trying to  handle that gun earlier and honestly he looked like he was going to shoot the wall.”

Conner laughed. “Yeah he sucks with weapons. He’s a doctor, not a soldier.” 

“He said he was a combat medic.” Dib recalled. 

“ Oh, he made that up; that’s totally not a thing.” 

“ Skoodge said that too.” Dib was mildly amused by this fact. “Look, I don’t think Clark is the spy and I don’t think it’s you either. You are way too  insistent on helping your brother. If you were the spy you would probably be okay with him getting arrested instead of you. So that just leaves the other two people on your ship.”

“The Captain and the First officer?” Conner looked a little hesitant. “They both have been acting normal as far as I can tell... and neither of them  would hurt Clark! He’s the youngest member on the crew they all love him!”

“Calm down, it’s just a theory.” Dib pinched the bridge of his nose trying to think. “Okay, I have an idea but you probably won’t like it.” 

“We burst into Q’s lair and drag him back to force him to reveal the traitor!” Conner had the spirit but seemed to be missing the point. 

“No. I do not want to deal with Q again unless I have lots of guns.” Dib shuddered at the  memory of the split, abyss of a mouth trying to devour him as voices screamed, splitting his head in two. “I think we need to talk to  Skoodge and Zim.” 

“The  Irkens !? No way! How do we know they didn’t disguise themselves as my brother and try to frame him for this crime!?” Conner had a point, it sounded like something  Skoodge and  Zim would do- but from what  Skoodge said earlier it didn’t seem like that was the case. 

“I don’t think so.” Dib shook his head. “I mean, it’s  plausible , but  Skoodge has been really insistent about not starting anything with the Syndicate. And honestly the disguise is a little too convincing for  it to be  Zim .” He hated to admit it, but despite his childhood  conviction that  Zim was some evil mastermind- the  Irken was not generally that subtle. 

“ ** I can vouch for the whereabouts of the Master and his companion during the night in question ** .” Dib’s phone interjected helpfully. Conner immediately whipped out the laser gun from before and pointed it to Dib’s coat pocket. 

“Robot spy!” 

“You’ve been quiet. I was starting to think  Zim actually went through with your grounding.” Dib mused pulling the phone out of his pocket and waving Conner to stand down with his other hand. “Relax, this little spy is just  Zim’s home security system. You met him at the apartment.”

“The android that delivered the gun also lives in your phone?” Conner hesitantly lowered the weapon. “Were you going to tell me he was listening in?” 

“I wanted a  witness in case you were going to shoot me.” His reasoning was sound, at least, to Dib it was. “Also, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure he was actually listening. He has a short attention span for an AI.”

“ ** I do not have a short attention span. Most things are just below my intellect and therefor boring. ** ” CB retorted vaguely annoyed.

“It’s an AI?” Conner looked impressed. “Well little spy, good to know you’re here now.” 

“ ** I was not spying. The term ‘spying’ indicates that I view you as a threat. I do not ** .” 

“Ouch.” Conner blinked. “Rude little thing, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, he is.” 

“ ** It is honesty. You only consider it rudeness because you do not like the truth ** .” 

“Are you going to tell us where your Master was, CB? Or are you just going to insult us?” Dib’s tolerance for CB’s antics was gradually thinning. Though, he had become accustomed to having the AI around as a source of information to the point where he was considering just getting a new (CB free) phone for his personal, secret files and letting CB hang around as a bitter-but-useful digital assistant. 

“ ** The Master and  ** ** Skoodge ** ** were in the base all night doing research on the initial crash two years prior. They did not leave. The baseless accusations from the Romulan are a result of its hot-headed nature and do not  ** ** reflect ** ** reality ** .” 

“How did you know my species?” Conner narrowed his eyes. Dib quickly made a note to look up more about ‘Romulans’ the next time he had a break. 

“ ** I looked it up in the data the Master and  ** ** Skoodge ** ** gathered on you and your brother during your brief confrontation. ** ”

“You actually let this thing hang out with you? It feels kind of invasive.” Conner looked over at Dib. “You always gave me that ‘paranoid as fuck’ vibe.” 

“Oh I am.” Dib assured him. “I didn’t invite CB into my phone. He put himself in there and he’s useful so I haven’t bothered getting him out.” 

“Put himself in your phone...?” Conner went quiet for a moment. “You said his name is CB right?” 

“ ** I am right here you can talk to me directly. I am omnilingual. You could even speak Romulan to me. ** ” 

“Yeah, it stands for: Computer Base, according to Zim.” 

“Are you sure about that?” 

“That’s what he said.” Dib blinked. “Why?” 

“ Never mind , it isn’t important right now.” Conner waved the question off. “If the  Irkens didn’t do it then we have no choice but to confront Q.” Conner whipped the weapon back out again, pressing a few buttons on the side causing it to flash and whir. 

“I feel like we have a lot of options before we get there.” For a supposedly peaceful people, Conner sure was trigger happy. “Look, I know you don’t trust them, but maybe we can ask  Zim and  Skoodge about the footage. They are Invaders after all, if there is a  spy, they might know more about how they managed to frame your brother.” 

“Yeah but I don’t really  wanna talk to those guys. I mean it’s hard to play nice with someone after waving guns at them.” 

“ So you would rather deal with Q?” Dib raised an eyebrow. Conner sighed. 

“Fair.” He slid his gun back in his pocket where it seemed to vanish completely. “Fine, let’s go talk to the Irkens. Maybe they can shed a little light on this whole spy situation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter!!!! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments and feedback!!!! You are all so amazing it really inspires me to keep working on this story! Please let me know if there are parts you really enjoyed, or characters you would like to see more of/ see again. Just let me know what you think!!!


	13. Welcome Back Q

The arrival to  Skoodge’s base was quick. Dib had agreed to drive due to the fact that he already knew the location of  Zim’s base and he wasn’t sure he trusted Conner to not just drive them straight to Q’s to start some sort of fight. After seeing his battle-hungry eagerness, it had occurred to Dib that he really didn’t know all that much about Clark’s brother. It was weird to think they had been raised together with Clark being easy going and Conner seeming to always be ready to fight. Dib vaguely wondered what the rest of the crew was like. 

As  they reached the house and walked up to the door, it was opened by none other than  Skoodge who looked mildly annoyed by their presence. “Funny seeing you here.” He remarked dryly. He was wearing his human disguise, and was far more convincing as a human than the Robo-parents. Though Dib highly doubted the neighbors cared.

“We need to talk to you.” Dib pushed passed  Skoodge to the inside of the house, Conner following suit, his dark eyes visibly sizing the place up. 

“Yes please, come in. Our security system will electrocute me for having a conversation but  apparently you just forcing your way in is completely fine.”  Skoodge didn’t really put up much of a fight. “CB! Intruders? Are you going to do anything about this?” 

“ ** I helped them get here ** .” The house replied helpfully. 

The look of sheer disdain on  Skoodge’s face spoke volumes as he looked at CB’s holographic representation of himself as it shimmered into view. “ _ Of course _ __ you did. Why would a security system designed to  _ protect _ an  Irken stronghold want to keep people  _ out _ ?” The hologram tilted its head to the side quizzically. 

“ ** I am sensing that you do not approve of my choices ** .” 

“CB, are you aware  what a security system is  _ supposed _ to do? Because it is the exact opposite of what you are doing right now.” As  Skoodge explained the AI’s original purpose to it, GIR wandered up, not even bothering with his unconvincing dog disguise.  Skoodge glanced down at the SIR unit with a defeated expression. “I don’t suppose you are going to do anything about the intruders, are you?” GIR's blue eyes flashed to red. 

“ ** Yes, for the Master! ** ” He charged toward Conner who reached for his weapon but Dib stopped him as GIR’s eyes flickered back to blue and he began to hug the alien officer’s legs. “ ** You’re my new BEST FRIEND! ** ” he announced proudly. 

“ZIM!”  Skoodge called over his shoulder. “Your security AI and SIR decided to allow that Syndicate Ranger from the Dab’s apartment into your base.” It wasn’t long before  Zim emerged from the toilet-elevator, wearing a pair of oversized goggled but otherwise not bothering with even his most simple of disguises. 

“Who is this  _ Dab _ !?” He looked over at Dib and the  magnified red eyes blinked behind the goggles. “Oh, you mean that Dib-human." He looked over Dib and Conner not looking so much surprised as just confused by their arrival. (Dib  was starting to think  Skoodge was getting his name wrong on purpose ).“ Now I would expect GIR to let anyone walk in but CB...” He started to try to defend the security AI but trailed off, defeated. “No... I expect it from CB too.”  Zim let out a sigh looking at  the SIR and the security hologram each in turn. “You are both just... absolutely awful at your jobs. I hope you realize this.” 

GIR released Conner’s legs only to, instead, throw himself at  Zim ,  hugging into him affectionately. “ ** Awwww ** ** I love you too Master ** !” 

“No GIR.”  Zim attempted to push him away but the SIR had a good deal of strength to it and  Zim eventually gave up and allowed GIR to hang off. 

“ ** I am helping- just in a more abstract way ** .” CB protested.

“Doing the exact opposite of what you were made to do isn’t helping in an ‘abstract way’ it’s just not helping.”  Skoodge retorted quickly. 

“He raises a good point,  Skoodge .”  Zim looked a tad contemplative. 

“ No he doesn’t.  Zim don’t humor him.”  Skoodge turned back to the non- Irkens that had waltzed into the supposedly secure base. “What exactly do you two want now?”

“You  Irkens pretended to be my brother and stole back the weapon you gave us!” Conner immediately jumped into accusations before Dib could even speak. Dib sighed putting his face in his hand.  Skoodge and  Zim just looked at  each other in confusion before both of them burst out laughing.  Skoodge had finally decided to drop the disguise, making him short enough for  Zim to lean on him as the two laughed rather hard. 

“No. None of that happened. All of what you just said is so wrong that I don’t even know where to start.”  Skoodge wiped his eye. 

“If I was going to steal the gun back, I would do it as myself!”  Zim added. (Dib had to admit that checked out). “ Zim is proud of his work!” 

“Your brother is Clark, right? The other guy from the apartment-the roommate?”  Skoodge had lightened up considerably, despite being interrogated by an angry (but now confused) Conner. “You said he’s your brother? Isn’t that part of a family unit? You two aren’t even the same species.” 

“We were both adopted.” Conner looked a little frustrated. “But he’s still family and I don’t want you  Irkens framing him for treason!”

“First of all, that’s rude to accuse us of that.”  Skoodge replied a tad indignantly. 

“Not that we wouldn’t do it- and do it well-”  Zim cut off as  Skoodge nudged him. He blinked at his fellow (more experienced) Invader before quickly adding “but that would put us at war and you aren’t worth the resources the Empire would put into fighting you.” 

“Secondly,”  Skoodge continued seamlessly as if  Zim had never  interrupted, “if we were going to frame one of you for stealing that weapon it wouldn’t have been Clark. He is like the worst choice, even just between the two of you."

“Clark’s a great choice! He’s strong enough to punch through solid walls, and he’s the fastest one in our group!” Conner protested.

“You’re supposed to be defending Clark; not  helping form the case against him.” Dib quickly reminded Conner of his actual purpose. 

“Yeah but...”  Skoodge trailed off looking thoughtful. “You... you don’t know much about what Clark is... do you?” 

“W-well no.” Conner hesitated. “I mean... no one does.  My moms found him as a baby. We couldn’t find any information about him or his home planet. But I don’t care what he is- it's  _ who _ he is that matters and that’s my brother- and definitely NOT a thief.” 

“That actually answers a great deal  of questions.”  Skoodge looked to be deep in thought. 

“That explains why you are wasting him as a doctor.”  Zim smirked. “If he were in the  Irken military he would be in the front lines, fighting for our people!” 

“He’s a doctor because that is what he wanted to be and the Syndicate believes in an individual’s right to follow a career that makes them happy.” Conner narrowed his eyes, 

“And that dumb outlook is another reason why the Syndicate is inferior to the Empire.” It seemed to  Zim that he had won the argument. (Though it was hard to  take him seriously as GIR was still clinging to his side). 

“Look, proving that Clark is innocent is easy.”  Skoodge quickly pulled the conversation back on track, ignoring  Zim’s little outburst. “It is also pointless if your Captain is the traitor. All that will happen is a new excuse will be used to keep him in lockdown. Or blame will shift to someone else. If we want to prove what is really happening, then what we need is to be able to pinpoint the actual threat beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

“Can’t you just scan them like you did Clark and Conner?” Dib asked. It seemed like an easy enough plan, but  Skoodge rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. 

“Our scanners can be fooled. It’s hard- mind you- but it can happen.” 

“Ch, not like any Syndicate idiot would be brilliant enough to fool  Irken tech.”  Zim scoffed at the very concept. “But I suppose if it was a member of the Syndicate it wouldn’t be much of a traitor... or a disguise...” 

“ ** IT WAS ME! ** ” The SIR interjected helpfully. “ ** I WAS THE PIZZA ALL ALONG ** !” 

“Q knows who it is, doesn’t he?”  Skoodge ignored GIR but Conner was still staring in complete bewilderment at the insane mechanical assistant. 

“Is he okay?” Conner looked genuinely concerned. 

“He’s never okay.”  Zim’s response was just... tired. 

“ ** And that’s why we  ** ** aaaaaaaalll ** ** can go get monkeys and be the best parents we can be. ** ” GIR nuzzled himself to  Zim’s face, despite the  Irken’s attempts to pry him off. “ ** Isn’t that right Master ** !?” GIR poked his tongue out.  Zim heaved a heavy sigh. 

“Please get off me.” GIR responded by bursting into a fit of high-pitched giggles, pulling himself more tightly to  Zim .. 

“ ** No. ** ” 

“CB, take care of GIR, please.”  Skoodge waved to the hologram. 

“ ** Take care of him as in: remove him from the area? Or take care of him as in: ** ” CB made a motion as if cocking a gun. 

“Just take him  upstairs CB. And no more  mafia movies for you.” It was a little funny how much  Skoodge was starting to adjust to the chaos of living in  Zim’s lair. 

“ ** But I enjoy them ** .” 

“Not now CB,”  Zim finally contributed to the conversation. “You’re grounded anyway.” A mechanical arm descended from the ceiling, peeling GIR off of  Zim’s face and began to draw him, with an indignant huff.

** “I am going to watch them anyway. ** ” CB pulled the little SIR up into the overhead metal panels as it began flailing around excitedly.

“ ** WEEEEEEE BREAKIN' THE RULES!!!!!!! ** ” And with that he was gone. 

“A... are they supposed to be like that?” Conner looked up to the ceiling where GIR’s happy  squeals could still be heard echoing in the tiles as CB tried to calm him down. 

“No.”  Skoodge cut him off quickly. “Now, I think our best course of action is to talk with Q.” Dib had been trying his very best to avoid that response. He knew Conner was ready to throw down with the Parasite at a moment’s notice; and honestly,  Zim would probably be happy to fight. But  Skoodge had consistently been the voice of reason. Dib still had concerns.

“But he’s terrible. And, I highly doubt he’s trustworthy.” 

“Not really. But his biological makeup allows for him to pinpoint anything pretending to be something  it's not. He found the traitor before it would be simple for him to do it again. Parasites are awful, but they can be easily bought for the right price.” 

“We could also threaten him with our superior  Irken tech!” Zim’s attempts at being helpful were only a step above GIR’s. 

“We want him to tell the truth; let’s not threaten him.”  Skoodge put a hand on  Zim’s arm to calm him. “He’s an absolute asshole, but he’s not unreasonable, we could offer him something."  Zim made an expression of  distaste . 

“Do you really think Q is necessary?” Dib still had nightmares of that slowly deteriorating humanoid form chasing him through the shelf-lined apartment. It wasn’t like he was afraid of Q or anything (at least, that is what Dib told himself) but Dib had been the one gazing up into that tooth lined void of a mouth- not Skoodge. 

“The telepathic abilities of the Parasites would make them ideal for seeking out the traitor.”  Skoodge replied as-a-matter-of-factly. 

“It’s not ideal for us either.”  Zim added, looking far from thrilled with the scenario. “But  Irkens must sometimes forge treaties with the scum of the planet in order to further the Empires cause. You know, like the Syndicate, or you- no offense.” Conner and Dib exchanged looks. 

“How is that not offensive?!” Conner protested angrily, but Dib patted his back, shaking his head- having been through this  exchange with the  Irkens before. 

“Don’t bother. They think if they say ‘no offense’ that means it’s okay to say.” 

“Oh,” Conner blinked. “ So they’re stupid-.” 

“HEY!”  Zim cut him off looking ready to fight. 

“ _ No offense _ .” Conner finished.

“Well played.”  Zim narrowed his eyes through his goggles. Dib had to give Conner credit, that had proved their point. 

“How do you know Q will agree to any of this?” Dib still had a great deal of concerns about the abomination in the  inner-city apartment complex acting as their informant. “He wasn’t exactly your biggest fan last we saw him.”

“That’s because we extorted him for his weapons. But I’m sure he’s over it by now. That’s pretty mild for an  Irken -Parasite interaction.”  Skoodge dismissed Dib’s concerns with frustrating ease. “Plus, I’m sure if the Syndicate agrees to let him be in return for his help, he’ll be glad to lend an appendage.” Conner blinked as all eyes were on him. 

“I-I don’t have that kind of pull.”

“If we find a traitor, I’m sure the  highest-ranking officer on your ship will be happy to  oblige . And we  Irkens will look better for taking time out of our ‘vacation’ to aid in a Syndicate plight.”  Skoodge called it a vacation- and maybe for him it was. But Dib was positive this was banishment for  Zim (though Conner didn’t seem to know that). 

“How _ generous _ of you.” Conner glared at the Invaders with disdain. 

“Like you would selflessly help us if we were in a similar plight.” 

“Fair.” Conner ran a hand through his hair. It was clear he was getting increasingly frustrated with the antics of the  Irkens and Dib figured it was only a matter of time  before he got trigger happy again. “You know where the Parasite is located, so why not take me to him?” 

“We can take the human’s transport. He found the Parasite  before; it  shouldn't be hard for him to locate it again. Right Dub?” Dib  wasn't sure how much he liked being volunteered for driving by a creature that couldn’t even  remember his name.  But he swallowed the urge to see how far he could punt  Skoodge and simply grabbed his keys. 

“If we are going to let Dib drive, I want the front seat.”  Zim pushed passed Dib making his way to the car. 

“Woah no way! I want the front seat!” Conner was not going to be ousted so easily. Dib just let out a long sigh, wondering if it worth the knowledge of worlds beyond his own if it meant having to deal with aliens fighting over his car. 

“No one gets the front seat. You can all sit in the back!” Dib replied decisively. But that didn’t do much as he saw  Zim was already sitting in the front seat. Defeated, he hopped in the driver’s side, as Conner and  Skoodge got in the back. “CB, plug in coordinates for Q.”

“ ** Shhhh ** ** they do not know I am in here ** .” Dib’s car protested in a very loud and obvious whisper.  Skoodge looked over at  Zim who simply looked back at him and shrugged.

“CB you can stop being a car later but for now take us to Q. But you are still grounded.”  Zim replied decisively, though Dib had the sneaking suspicion CB would just stay in his car  regardless of what  Zim had to say. 

It wasn’t an  unpleasant drive, exactly, but it wasn’t like Dib was looking forward to what awaited them at the end of the journey.  Sure enough as they pulled into the bitter, dreary little apartment complex in the middle of the city- Dib felt his heart begin to  pound in his chest. He pulled into a parking space, watching as a young couple exited the building with the same, vacant expression as the man he and CB had seen before. Even their skin looked more ashen, eyes sunken and posture slouched and defeated as  they walked together past the car staring straight ahead. Dib watched them walk straight into a nearby wall,  continuing to move like poorly programmed NPCs from one of Gaz’s games. Eventually they seemed to find their way around the wall but they never smiled, never looked at one another, never spoke, never even blinked. 

“Huh...”  Skoodge watched the couple saunter off as he headed toward the complex. “At least he should be well fed, that should make things easier.” Dib looked around at his companions and only Conner seemed disturbed by what had just transpired. He saw Conner draw his  weapon again, clicking a switched that caused it to buzz to life. 

“I can’t believe you dragged me back here...” They creeped down the stairs into the basement  apartments , locating Q’s with ease. Dib reached up to knock, but just as before the door swung open without his touch. 

“ _ Well, this is certainly unexpected _ .” Dib’s mouth tasted of bile as he heard that calm too-perfect-to-be human voice worm its way into his skull. “ _ If your  _ _ Irken _ _ friends are here for another shakedown, I am sorry to say I have collected nothing new _ .” There was a sigh from inside his mind. “ _ Now is that really necessary _ ?” Dib looked over to  see Conner , with his gun pointed up. Following his gaze, Dib saw Q. The  Parasite was sitting in the ceiling, hanging from the tentacle-like appendages he had disguised as his scarf. While he seemed to know the gun was pointed at him, Q wasn’t really looking at them. Rather, all seven eyes were focused on a book in his hand. 

“Q, we  wanna talk.” Conner did not lower the gun.

“ _ No one is stopping you _ .” Q’s retort was annoyed at best.  _ “How have you been, Diego? I thought for  _ _ sure _ _ I’d see you again after I injected that little toxin in you, but I’m guessing your roommate took care of that for you _ ?” finally Q looked up and Dib immediately wished he hadn’t as those  beady eyes focused on him, making his  stomach churn. “ _ What a good friend you have. Too bad you didn’t think the same way about him. If only you had listened to the warnings all around. Then perhaps you would not be in this situation _ .” Q did a little spin in the air as Conner fired at him. The creature floated in the air for a moment before landing gracefully in front of the group. “ _ Rude _ .” 

“Okay let’s calm down.”  Skoodge took a stance in front of Q, his PAK legs out,  elevating him to help him look intimidating. 

“ _ He tried to shoot me. _ ”

“You were talking shit about my brother.” Conner only lowered the gun when  Zim used both his hands to forced it down. 

“ _ Technically I was talking shit about your companion there. _ ” A delicate, gloved finger pointed to Dib. Conner looked back and forth between the two. 

“Oh that’s fine then, carry on.”

“HEY!”

“What? I’m still mad at you.”

“Enough insulting of the Dib!”  Zim interjected. “I cannot hear half of the insults and if Dib is getting  insulted, I want to laugh.”

“You’re an ass, Zim.” 

“You have to be nice because we are helping.” 

“ _ He’s right you know. _ ” 

“Shut up!” 

“Q,” surprisingly,  Skoodge managed to calm the room and get everyone back on track. “The ship doctor, was he the traitor?”

“ _ I feel like you all know the answer to that already _ .” Q cocked his head to one side. “ _ But why would I share my information with you, anyway? You’ve destroyed my place, threatened me, and shot me within the past week. _ ”

“...” Conner took a deep breath. “We will erase your current criminal record with the Galactic Syndicate in return for your cooperation.” 

“ _ Okay... _ ” The  mouthful of teeth began to rip into a wide smile. “ _ You have my interest. _ ” He relaxed back in the air,  crossing his legs as if upon a throne. 

“He agreed to help.” Dib relayed to the  Irkens , unsure if Conner knew they couldn’t hear Q.  Skoodge nodded, expression serious. “Is the ship Doctor the traitor you sensed.” Dib repeated the question, unsure of what answer he wanted. He didn’t think Clark was the traitor- but if he was- then that crushed expression on his face wouldn’t hurt Dib so much every time he remembered it. Dib would have been completely validated in his actions. 

“ _ No _ .” Q’s reply had a sneering tone to it. “ _ The traitor was not the doctor. I can hear his thoughts just fine. But I suppose  _ _ that _ _ is subject to change.  _ _ Really, _ _ I can only confirm that at the time of the crash, the Doctor was not the traitor. But if the traitor can change shape- as many races can- then there is no telling who it is now _ .”

“He says that the traitor  could be different now. But... at the time of the accident, it  wasn't my brother.” 

“I can pretty much assure you it still isn’t your brother.”  Skoodge patted Conner on the hand still holding the gun. “But, if Q is offering, I’m sure we can bring him along when we make our case. That way, we know how many people are being controlled, and who they are.” 

“ _ I am not sure I was really  _ **_ offering _ ** _. _ ” The seven eyes narrowed. 

“He says he will be thrilled to accompany us!” Dib clapped his hands together loudly. “He loves the idea.  Can't be more excited.” 

“ _ You son of a- _ ”

“ Excellent !”  Skoodge must have known Dib was lying but it was far easier to assume he was telling the truth. “Then you should probably think about taking a less... attention grabbing form.”  Skoodge looked the Parasite up and down, from its humanoid figure to its completely alien  facial structure. Dib knew the people within whom Q had gotten his toxic tendrils would probably not notice his complete mockery of the human form but he hoped most of the people in the city would find him to be out of place. Q looked a tad annoyed. “You can shapeshift. I’ve seen your kind do it before.” 

“ _ This is true. _ ” The human form began to crumble and crack- Dib could hear every sound as the  skeleton underneath rearranged, shrinking and warping until Q had turned himself into a cat. At least... Dib assumed it was supposed to be a cat.  Again, it looked feline, but as seven eyes stared up at Dib and four red-tipped tails swished, he took a step back. On its back looked like a cut or scar of some kind, with spiderlike, jagged edges slicing through the otherwise perfectly white fur. It occurred to Dib, that he had never really seen Q from the back before now. 

“Have you ever seen a cat? Because it’s not that.” Dib didn’t want to get any closer. This looked like a monstrosity that crawled out of one of his nightmares. The four tails twitched and seemed to try to combine themselves only to tear apart once again. 

“ _ Let me try again. _ ” The tails joined back into one as the eyes shifted, the two eyes now correctly centered on the face had somehow been flipped vertically as the other eyes traveled down the midsection, onto the legs. Every so often one would blink at him and the single red tipped tail would split back into four again. 

“That’s worse.” Dib confirmed. 

“Is your shapeshifting not working...?”  Skoodge looked vaguely surprised. Q stretched himself out, mimicking a cat’s behavior perfectly making the blinking eyes hiding in the fur of the chest and legs all the more unsettling. Q  finally turned so Dib could see the origin of those hairline veins of red that  interrupted the seamless white of the Parasite’s coat. Dib could see now it was definitely some sort of scar, originating right at the base of his spine. “You’re injured...” The Invader looked vaguely surprised by the reveal. Dib hated to think what a Parasite was like at full power if this was supposed to be one that was nursing a (what looked to be pretty nasty) wound. 

“ _ Yes, I received damage from the tall, red  _ _ Irken _ _ in battle many years ago. The weapon he used was one I had not seen before and was quite effective against me _ .” Before Dib could translate the story to the  Irkens ,  Zim spoke up. 

“You were the Parasite that Tallest Red and I fought in our Elite days!”  Zim looked ecstatic. “ Zim invented the weapon he used!!! It did some real damage.” He looked genuinely impressed, sizing up the injury with interest. 

“ _ He became Tallest, did he? Joy _ .” 

“The cat should  work; we’ll just have Dib carry you so you’ll be less  noticeable .”  Skoodge tried very quickly to cut the conversation off. The last thing they needed was for Q to decide to not help them due to the apparent history he had with  Zim (and one of the Tallest? It was weird, Dib had not thought the Tallest engaged in combat. They seemed content in the lap of luxury on the Massive, far removed from the actual work of conquest). 

“I don’t want to carry him! He tried to eat me!”

“ _ You heard the  _ _ Irken _ :  _ Carry me _ ~” Q cooed as he jumped from the floor straight to Dib’s shoulder, nuzzling his cheek tauntingly. Dib picked the creature up by its scruff and threw it as far as he could away from him. Q flailed for a moment in the air before stopping his  momentum and floating right back onto Dib’s shoulder. “ _ If you want my help, you have to be nice. _ ” He was slapped in the face by all four tails and one paw. 

“Dib don’t throw our key witness.”  Skoodge remarked dryly. 

“ _ See? _ ”

“So now we have everyone, right? We can go  help Clark?” Conner looked at the  Irkens , anxiously. “We have enough  evidence to save him?” 

“I think we can make our case.”  Skoodge confirmed. “Good we’ll head to the base; I assume you know where to go.”  Skoodge looked at Conner who nodded, determination in his eyes. 

“Yeah it’s at the campus. Dib, you know where it is.” Conner began to rush out of the  apartment with Dib close behind. 

“ _ I call the front seat! _ ” 

"I am sitting in the front!”  Zim called, unaware that Q had already made claim to the territory. 

“Too late, Q already called it.” Conner pointed out before Dib could even respond. Personally, Dib would rather have had  Zim than Q. However, he also didn’t want to make Q mad- Skoodge was right: he was a crucial witness in Clark’s rescue. Fortunately, it seemed that one of the few things  Zim respected on Earth was the rules of the front seat.

“ Monthra damn it.”

* * *

Special art this week![ Fanart of Q](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/680902433660207132/716812814525923328/image0.png) submitted to me by Akai! Thank you SO MUCH for this beautiful art! I have already started next week's chapter! I can't wait to share it with you all!


	14. The Trial

“The science building? Are you fucking kidding me!?” Dib was not in the best mood at the moment as he had just been forced to spend time with Q,  Zim ,  Skoodge , Conner, and CB for an entire car ride back to campus. Fuck those assholes. The only thing that had been keeping Dib from driving them off a cliff and dying in a  fiery crash (aside from the distinct lack of cliffs in New Jersey) was the promise of finding some cool secret lair that housed the tech from the Galactic Syndicate. 

Instead, Dib got a trip to the goddamn science building. He didn’t even go there for class- though he would have gone for sure if he knew there was some sort of secret lab inside. The weird group of aliens and one human got out of the car as Conner lead them inside the halls Dib had walked many times (but maybe not enough due to his chronic class-skipping). There can’t have been a secret base. He had scoured this place when he thought the Chemistry Teacher was in a cult (he’s still pretty sure she is). He would have found an alien base. 

“ Zim take this.”  Skoodge passed Zim a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt for reasons... honestly, that Dib couldn’t fathom.  Zim nodded seriously and put the shirt on, confusing Dib more as to the transaction that had just taken place. Only now Dib realized  Skoodge was wearing one too. (Seriously? When did  Skoodge even have time to get Hawaiian shirts? Had he had them the entire time? Was that just something he always carried?) 

“This way,” Conner had watched the exchange with no real change to his expression. He seemed to know what had just occurred which only raised more questions. Conner walked through the all-too-familiar halls as he found his way into a janitor’s closet. “Come on.” He opened the door, ushering Dib inside, followed by  Skoodge and  Zim , both now donning Hawaiian shirts, and Conner bringing up the rear. (Dib was forced to wonder if he also needed a Hawaiian shirt- Conner didn’t have one- he should be fine.) Q was under Dib’s arm, mostly concealed by his  trenchcoat . He was fidgety like a cat and managed to clamber up onto Dib’s shoulder. 

Zim and  Skoodge immediately turned off their disguises, making for much more room in the closet with the decrease in their heights. “It’s rude,”  Skoodge explained, “to wear disguises in a Syndicate Hearing. Not that we actually care, but, you know... formalities.” Dib turned only to see Conner too had dropped his disguise. There was a distinct green undertone beneath his dark skin. His eyebrows high, arched and with distinct ridges to them that extended slightly past the  brow line to make a V shape above the nose. His eyes were set a little higher than a humans, and seemed a little larger as well. His ears were curled, and pointed upward. 

“Thank you for your respect.” Conner looked pleased as he shuffled passed Dib and reached out, pressing against the wall in a few different places. A light came out, scanning his eye, before the floor beneath them slowly dropped. They descended for what felt like quite a substantial amount of time. No one was really talking, and Dib was starting to feel an adrenaline rush pump through his body. He wasn’t sure what awaited him. 

They stopped and the wall slid aside into a  pristine white, very long hall. Conner quickly lead them down the path. Dib’s feet thudding against some sort of metallic, white tiling. The hall was incredibly bright, almost dream-like in its cleanliness. It immediately made Dib feel uncomfortable. 

At the end of the hall were large, arching doors. Conner reached them, forcing them open with another scan of his eye. And then kicked them open. Dib slapped his forehead. (He doubted that was protocol.) 

“Was that really necessary?” Dib glared at him as Conner ‘ sushed ’ him. 

“Shh, they’re in a meeting.” 

In the next room he saw Clark standing before two aliens sitting behind a large, looming white table. Clark wasn’t particularly tall and the vastness of the semi-circular stand behind which his two judges were seated, dwarfed him. Dib had never seen his roommate look quite so small and meek. Clark's hands were cuffed by some sort of glowing white energy; his dumb plaid overshirt, T-shirt, and jeans were replaced with a strange black uniform. It was high collared, long sleeves, a red belt and red accents. He had white gloves, and a symbol on the shoulder that matched the one Dib had seen on the ship. He was still wearing his glasses and... weirdly he didn’t look any different. Seeing Conner out of his disguise and the two, blue aliens at the podium with their bulging, entirely void blue eyes and fire colored hair... he  sort of expected Clark to be out of his  human disguise as well. 

“Is there some sort of issue, Rodgers?” The  feminine alien with the higher seat had a voice that sounded familiar. Dib had to think on it for a moment and imagine that same voice engrossed in a long, arduous lecture about  mathematics and suddenly it clicked. 

“Dr. Rosenberg?” 

The  blue alien’s face fell as she glanced behind Conner to see Dib. “Oh. Great. It’s you.” Her completely deadpan response sealed his theory; as it was the exact response his professor had when he would wander into class about twenty minutes into a test. 

“Hey Dib!” Clark waved at him. 

“Oh...  um... ” he wasn’t sure how to react. “Hi... Clark.” 

“You brought a human into our court room. Fantastic. So many citations here...” The blue alien beside Dr. Rosenberg appeared to be one of the same species as it shared the fire red hair, blue skin, and bulging, glassy, blue eyes. Based on process of elimination (and assuming Dib had not dreamed the visitors in his room the night Clark had saved him from Q’s toxin) that was most likely the true form of Ron the janitor. 

“Actually, he came to make an appeal, which is completely viable from any officer, even of low rank, when dealing in a  high-profile case such as treason. This is entirely legal according to the Syndicate Legal System.”  Skoodge stepped forward. 

“Oh, and you brought the Parasite and some Irkens...” Dr. Rosenberg had an expression as if she had just stepped on something  particularly disgusting as she looked down from her high podium to the tiny forms of  Skoodge and  Zim . “I am going to be completely honest with you, it wouldn’t have been my first choice for your  legal counsel but it got my attention.” She looked back to Clark, questioningly. “You knew about this?” 

“Oh, no. Not at all.” He shook his head. “But I mean, that evidence you have against me is pretty good.  So, they have their work cut out for them if they want to prove I’m innocent. Even  _ I’m _ starting to think I did it.” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. He still seemed so easy going despite the stakes. 

“Wow, he is really stupid.”  Zim remarked seemingly impressed. 

“ _ He really is _ .” Q confirmed. 

“I would keep my mouth shut,” Dr. Rosenberg looked at the cat sitting happily on Dib’s shoulder. Dib was hoping she would choose to remove the abomination before he got poisoned again, but everyone just seemed fine with it being there. “You’re still on thin ice.” 

“ Yes yes the Parasite is awful but what does any of this have to do with our traitor!?” Ron had seemingly had enough of the distraction. “Are you really going to accept these... _ lifeforms  _ for your  legal counsel ?” He gave a dramatic gesture in  Skoodge’s direction. 

“Do  y’all know anything about Syndicate Law?” Clark seemed to be considering it. 

“ Ehhh ?”  Zim gave a vague shrug. Skoodge just sighed. 

“Yes. A lot.” 

“ _ I do, but I’m more of a witness. _ ” Q added helpfully. 

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Clark gave his own little shrug. “Why not? I mean, damn it Ron, I’m a doctor not a lawyer. They  prolly know more about it than me.” 

“Okay then, carry on.” Dr. Rosenberg put her cheek in her hand, looking at the scene with mild amusement.  Skoodge cleared his throat, approaching the looming stand with a serious expression as he craned his neck to look at the two judges. 

“My name is  Skoodge -” He cut the judges off as they opened their mouths “- not _ that  _ Skoodge . It’s a common name on Irk. And this is my companion  Zim -” He cut them off again. “Not  _ that _ Zim -you know the  destructive one-; it’s also a common name.” Dib had no doubt  Zim’s name was infamous  throughout the  galaxy but it was nice to have proof. “We are simple  Irken navigators.” It was interesting to see just how convincing  Skoodge was under the spotlight. 

“What brings two  Irken Navigators so far out of the Empire’s territory?” Ron looked unconvinced by  Skoodge’s smooth talk. It was hard for Dib to  gauge Dr. Rosenberg’s reaction as her expression stayed  relatively calm. 

“Well, as you can  tell by our shirts, we were on vacation.”  Skoodge had been so  competent up until that point. Dib was floored. This could not be the payoff for that weird shirt exchange in his car. There had to be more.

“That checks out.” Dr. Rosenberg noted, looking them up and down. 

“Those shirts do indicate a vacation...” Ron nodded seriously as Dib just stared, mouth slightly agape in utter bewilderment at the scene before him. Two of Q’s twitching tails smacked Dib’s jaw closed as they merged back into one. 

“While we were enjoying the primitive culture of Earth-”

“Hey!” Dib protested, but  Skoodge ignored him.

“We happened upon your  security officer, ship doctor, and this human boy with his freakishly large head.” 

“HEY!” Dib protested louder. 

“It is true...” Doctor Rosenberg sighed. “His head  _ is _ large... like,  uncomfortably so.” 

“You aren’t supposed to insult me. I recognize your voice. I know you’re my teacher!” Dib had honestly had enough of the insults and given that Clark was (rightfully) still upset he doubted his roommate would stick up for him. 

“ Oh that can’t be true.” She gave Dib a smug look. “If you were really one of  _ my _ students, I assume I would have had a paper of yours from the last three months to grade. But I don’t. Because apparently you would rather spend your time harassing my crew than doing your homework so that doesn’t make you my student- it makes you a  nuisance .” 

“If you ran into our officers before now, why didn’t they report this?” Ron ignored the  exchange in order to return to  the interrogation. 

“We asked them not to.”  Skoodge looked remorseful but Dib had a feeling he was faking it. “We were worried that our presence would be seen as threatening and the last thing we wanted was to put strain on our alliance. After all, the Syndicate are such dear and treasured friends to the Empire.” 

“You can tone it down.” Ron looked unimpressed. “You have our attention, don’t push your luck. No amount of flattery can overrule the video evidence. In fact, let’s play that again.” Ron gestured to no one in  particular and the video began to play once more. 

“Do you deny that it is you in the video?” Dr. Rosenberg looked down at Clark.

“I mean it looks like me. No denying that. I don’t remember doing any of this though... but I mean... college is wild?” Clark looked thoroughly confused. 

"There is no way it can be him.”  Skoodge intervened. “ I can prove it.” 

“How?” Ron and Dr. Rosenberg spoke in unison  looking completely  surprised .  Skoodge reached into his shirt pocket pulling out the little cube from earlier. 

“Conner told us about the  weapon , we saw the video and we actually do know a little bit about it.”  Skoodge failed to mention having been in  possession of the gun but Dib kept his mouth shut. “We confirmed our suspicion with Q and if it pleases the  court, I would like to confirm beyond a shadow of a  doubt that Clark is innocent.” 

Dr. Rosenberg looked over at Ron who looked intrigued before she nodded. “I would like to see this evidence.”  Skoodge reached in the cube pulling out a very small cluster of glowing, green, gravelly looking rocks. 

“Can you confirm that this is the same  power source used in the mystery weapon?”  Skoodge offered the small cluster toward the two blue skinned aliens  who had to bend down just to scan it. As he neared the podium, Clark looked at the rock in his hand, visibly cringing back. They both looked over the  information that must have displayed out of sight somewhere on their podium. Both pairs of  oversized blue eyes widened. 

“ Oh my word...” Dr. Rosenberg covered her mouth. 

“It is... how...?” Ron looked completely baffled. 

“ _ How  _ isn’t important right now.”  Skoodge walked back to his place still holding the rock. “What is important is that you guys don’t know much about your little doctor here. Conner explained to me that he was adopted and not much is known about his original planet. It isn’t in your databanks.”  Skoodge was on a roll. “It is, however in  Irk’s databanks. They were experiencing an  environment disaster; Irk took advantage of their sad, little, impending demise and helped harvest what was left of their  planet for resources.  Inadvertently , we  aided in the  planet's destruction, lots of people died, absolute decimation. No survivors. Or well... one survivor- sorry Clark.” The apology was almost like an  afterthought .

“I mean... I never lived there...” Clark looked confused more than  anything else. 

“Why are you telling us this sob story, Mr.  Skoodge ?” Dr. Rosenberg arched an eyebrow. 

“He’s rare, Captain, to put  things simply. With his  enhanced abilities and very little information on his biology he makes a perfect target for this sort of spy technique. If you need to steal something hard to reach, you need to pick the most capable member of the team.  However, the actual thief made one major miscalculation when they picked Clark. I think they realized their mistake- but they were counting on the fact that you  _ wouldn’t _ catch it.” 

“And what,” Dr. Rosenberg- the assumed Captain- narrowed her eyes, “ pray tell, would that mistake be?” 

“This, catch!”  Skoodge tossed the rock to Clark who easily popped out of his little cuffs only to completely collapse as the rock hit him in the head and rolled harmlessly off. Clark had fallen hard and heavy onto the ground like a bag of bricks. “Clark can’t be near the energy  source in the gun. His species is more or less ‘allergic’ to it.”

“Jesus get that thing away...” Clark muttered from the ground as the glowing rock sat beside his head. “I feel  like I'm dying.” 

“He always said the gun made him feel funny!” Conner pointed out as he ran over scooping up the rock and running it back to  Skoodge . As soon as it was five feet  away , Clark was able to pull himself up off of the ground once more. 

“ Your evidence is good... but if it wasn’t ‘Clark’,” she made  air quotes around his name and Dib  realized they  were all probably using fake names, “then who is that in the video?” 

“ _ A traitor. _ ” Surprisingly, Q cut in. “ _ That is why I was  _ _ brought _ _ in _ .” 

“I was wondering when you were going to cut in.” The captain looked at him with a supreme sense of distrust behind her eyes. 

“ _ When you first took me onto your  _ _ ship, _ _ I sensed someone without thoughts. I knew there was a traitor in your ranks and my plan was to use the inevitable  _ _ betrayal _ _ to escape into  _ _ neutral _ _ territory. Which admittedly worked. _ ” 

“This is foolish.” Ron cut Q off. “We know it’s Clark you can see him.” 

“ _ You shouldn’t let him interrupt me like that. I would call it rude but it is very clear that he can’t hear me _ .” Q’s seven little eyes narrowed.  _ “I don’t see why I need to offer up more  _ _ evidence _ _ than that, he’s not even reacting _ .” 

Dib saw the confusion on the Captain’s face so he decided to seal the deal. Prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the traitor was Ron. “I can’t believe you think the traitor is fucking Conner of all people!” Dib shouted, looking angrily at Q. “He  brough t you here!” 

“That’s not what he said...” The Captain replied at the same time Ron said:

“He makes a good point though.  Conner brought Irkens.” It didn’t take more than a second for Ron to see the expressions on everyone’s faces and realize he had fucked up. In one swift movement, Clark jumped from the floor to the top of the podium (easily a seven or so foot vertical  leap ) as Ron reached behind him  and pulled the missing weapon out of seemingly nothing. 

“You’re under- AH!” Clark made a move to grab at Ron but he fired off the gun, that  pulsing , green energy core  glowing in the brightly lit room. Clark went about as pale as the looming pillars and started to stumble back.  Zim and  Skoodge both had their PAK legs out as they charged after Ron, the Captain jumping over the desk and helping Conner catch the falling form of the doctor. 

“You should have stayed out of this!” Ron fired the weapon at  Zim and  Skoodge both of whom dodged with ease. They had their own  weapons drawn.  Zim had some sort of electrified looking, pronged weapon and  Skoodge had blasters. With surprising grace the two Irkens chased the traitor as he scaled a nearby wall. He was almost hit by fire from the ground as the three real Syndicate Rangers had also pulled out weapons (it seemed Clark was still a terrible shot as his laser went nowhere near the intended target). He was hit in the leg by  either Conner or the Captain but didn’t seem to feel it. 

“Aren’t you going to help?” Dib looked at Q expectantly. 

“ _ I did my part. _ ” Q stretched out in his arms, content just to watch. 

Up on the ceiling  Skoodge and  Zim were engaged in a battle of bullets with the traitor both trying to dodge fire from the Syndicate who seemed to be aiming just for Ron. After nearly hitting  Zim , Conner used his other hand to knock the gun away from Clark and went back to trying to shoot Ron of the ceiling. Clark  jumped up onto the desk again (Dib had to admit it was cool to see him making that jump so effortlessly) as he took his  glasses off and beams of bright, blinding light shot from his eyes startling  Zim ,  Skoodge , and Ron. 

Ron fired the  gun at Clark again, hitting him in the  ankle as he managed to dodge the brunt of the blast with incredible speed. As he was  distracted trying to hit Clark,  Skoodge lunched forward, restraining Ron's arms with his entire body.  Zim had swept around behind him and, in a  shockingly quick and  precise motion,  Zim had plunged the electrified blade into his back. 

“CB! NOW!” Dib had to admit it was weird to hear Zim call out for his robot. 

It was even weirder to see Ron’s body begin to surge in waves of bright  electricity before it began to  disintegrate before their eyes. Underneath the blue, large-eyed façade, was... 

“It was as we feared...”  Skoodge tossed the still twitching body on the  floor. ‘Ron’  Appeared to be alive but the air in the  room was heavy as Clark jumped down to the floor, crying out in pain as it seemed his ankle was still damaged. Dib  managed to rush over and catch him before he collapsed onto the hard, white, metallic tiles. 

Well ‘catch’ was a strong term as Clark was surprisingly heavy for someone so small. Dib ended up falling down with him- but it was the thought that counted. 

Everyone was staring at Ron, now green and small with antennae and large convex, red eyes; still convulsing as energy surged through him. Dib looked at the others. No one was saying anything but  Skoodge had a very grave expression. 

‘Ron’ was  Irken . 

An Invader from the looks of it. 

“So...”  Finally, after an agonizing silence, Clark spoke, “Is anyone else starving?”

Everyone gave a collective sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys ready to see this arc wrapped up!? I can't believe it's almost over! Did you guys have a favorite part of the Syndicate Arc? Please tell me in the comments what you liked best!!!


	15. Invader Tenn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The main plot begins as Skoodge, Zim, Dib and the Syndicate must figure out why an Irken would betray their alliance and risk an all out war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ready for a chapter filled with Irken lore!? I hope so! Because this has a ton! It is also the beginning of the main plot!

There was a very heavy silence in the room (save for the sounds of Clark eating food he had somehow found in the few seconds since the trail’s unexpected end).  Skoodge had feared this outcome- but fearing something and seeing it twist into reality were two very different experiences.  Irkens had a  built-in code of ethics that would not allow for them to out one of their own in a situation like this.  Skoodge had known the traitor was probably  Irken \- after all- the weapon was  Irken . 

This whole thing was playing out like some sort of coverup. 

This was the reason he had gotten Q involved. He and  Zim could prove Clark’s innocence but they would be unable to have revealed Ron. Something deep in the programming of their PAKs- a perfectly coded loyalty- rendered them useless. They could fight their fellow but to actually admit them to be  Irken was unthinkable. Literally. It was difficult for their data to even formulate a plan to do so. 

“This isn’t good.” The Captain stepped forward, kneeling down to look at the  Irken twitching on the ground.  Zim still had the touch;  Skoodge was impressed. No  Irken could incapacitate one of their own as efficiently as  Zim . (Even if it was accidental most of the time). 

“I know what it looks like, but I assure you-”  Skoodge had to try to  dismantle the tension. A war with the Syndicate was the last thing Irk needed. There had not been a proper war for some time; he wasn’t even sure he knew all the protocols for one. 

“You don’t have to explain...” She made a gesture and Conner swept in, cuffing the Invader with some sort of new restraint  Skoodge had not seen from the Syndicate before. “If it hadn’t been for you and your  partner, we would have imprisoned an innocent doctor for high treason. I didn’t think Lor was guilty, but the evidence against him was nearly  indisputable .” 

“Lor?” Dib blinked. 

“That’s my real name,” Clark mumbled through a huge bite of a chilly cheese hotdog that he had somehow managed to obtain from  MacMeaty’s . ( Skoodge was annoyed, recalling the Clark- or Lor- still owed him a hotdog). “I changed it to Clark to make it easier.” 

“God damn it, Lor is way easier to say than Clark!” Dib shook his head; it was difficult to tell if he was mad or just amused.  Skoodge decided to ignore the human as he had served his purpose allowing for the  Irkens to stop a possible impending war. (Maybe not stop- but  Skoodge was willing to believe they had at least slowed it down). 

“Why would an  Irken be infiltrating the Syndicate?”  Zim , of all  Irkens , seemed deeply  perturbed by the revelation. Defect or not, he had a deep passion for his planet and he knew the implication this had. “You are an ally. You are not even in the plans for Impending Doom II!” 

“We’ll have to question the spy to find out.” The Captain’s tone was severe as she picked the body up off the floor by the arms, easily holding the tiny green body with one hand. “Though I hope this is just a lone  Irken acting out of some deep, personal hatred. If this was ordered...” She trailed off, letting the sentence hang in the air. 

“She’ll never talk. Not to you.”  Skoodge had to be frank. He knew the  Irken in question.  Zim did as well though it was a tossup about whether or not he would remember that. She was an Invader- one of the  top in the class too. They had been schoolmates during Elite Training many years ago. She was supposed to have been light-years away from the Syndicate, back on Irk. Last  Skoodge had heard, she had recently finished a mission and returned home for promotion. 

There was no reason for her to be attacking an allied planet. 

“True, but she might talk to a fellow  Irken .” The Captain stood tall, the hand not holding her hostage  was now twirling some sort of gun. 

“The Syndicate would not kill! You’re peaceful!!”  Zim tried to call her on her bluff but the bright blue eyes narrowed into a dark glare. 

“This  Irken is presumed to have killed one of my men and is attempting to start a war with our government. I will do what is needed in order to get answers.”  Skoodge had to scan her uniform. He could see a few medals he recognized from his training in  regards to the Syndicate. He  gauged that she was no stranger to the field. 

“Now there is no need for that.”  Skoodge did his best to defuse the rising tensions. When he had decided to seek out  Zim : it had been in an attempt to escape the crazy politics of Irk. He had never intended to get caught up in anything like this. The plan had been to retire; to slip quietly into  anonymity ; maybe write a book or figure out how exactly he had survived being exploded. (It didn’t make sense logistically). But trouble had a way of finding  Zim . And now, due to  Skoodge’s ( apparent ) poor choice in companions, it had a way of finding him too. “With the Syndicate’s permission, I would like to interrogate the prisoner myself.  Irken to  Irken .” 

“Well... given your willingness to help out one of our own... I suppose that with heavy monitoring we could allow that.” The Captain, despite her initial harshness, seemed to be a reasonable woman. She definitely knew her way around this delicate situation. Skoodge was impressed. The fact that she hadn’t immediately shot the traitor showed her levelheadedness. Skoodge had not dealt directly with the Syndicate before; but he had a feeling he would be working with these few in order to stop his planet from an all-out war.  So, he needed to get a good read on each of the remaining members so as not to cross any lines. “ Carrius , Lor:” She turned to her crew members. “Take our prisoner to the interrogation room.” Clark swallowed the last of his food. 

“But... Captain, I’m a doctor-” He began to object. 

“You’re whatever we need you to be right now, Doc.” She didn’t even let him finish. “Can you walk on that ankle?” 

“It hurts but...  yeah... ” 

“Then you’re helping your brother escort.” Clark nodded, hesitantly as he half walked- half limped over to the  Irken’s body, lifting her delicately with his brother’s help and taking her away. “Mister  Skoodge , you go with them, everyone else follow me.” The Captain seemed to have everything worked out so  Skoodge went along obediently- this was not the time to butt heads with a higher up. Clark seemed sullen, and Conner quiet: both quite contradictory to the aspects of their character that  Skoodge had seen thus far. Clark was limping rather severely, slowing down the process of getting to the interrogation chambers. 

He didn’t blame them for being uneasy. There was a lot at stake for the Syndicate. 

“If you go out in the sun, you will heal faster.”  Skoodge remarked, trying to be helpful despite the fact that it was not in his nature to do so. 

“You really know what I am? Where I’m from?” Clark looked back at him. 

“Your planet was called Kr-” The  Irken stirred and immediately Conner slammed his hand on the wall, it slid open into a small room where he threw the chained up  Irken in a single chair in the center like she was a rag doll.  Skoodge winced a bit- not that it would hurt her, but that still couldn’t have been enjoyable. He was ushered in the room by Conner. 

“You’re in here. We’ll be keeping an eye and ear on everything. So, don’t try to pull one over on us.” Conner put his hand on  Skoodge’s shoulder . “I trust you  Skoodge \- you got my brother out of trouble. I know you’ve got our back.” 

“It’s more that I don’t want to go to war...”  Skoodge turned to face the two Rangers but they were gone. The wall had sealed up behind him leaving him and the spy in their little, mostly empty, white room. There was just the single chair where The  Irken had been restrained with automatic little glowing rope-like bindings. 

“Wh... what... happened...?” The  Irken Invader blinked, finally speaking in her real voice as her pink eyes slowly cleared, her antennae arching slightly. 

“Hello Tenn.” She was a top-notch invader and it had been nice to see her in the field. She had definitely earned her way through the ranks despite her size. She had been at the Great Assigning with  Skoodge back when Impending Doom II had first begun. 

“Skoodge!?” Her antennae perked up. “What are you doing here?” She made a small lurch forward, looking down in shock when she realized she couldn’t move her body. “A-Am I tied up?” She looked truly confused. “Wh... what’s going on!?” 

“I need to ask you a few questions.” He was watching her features, trying to  gauge whether or not the blast from  Zim and CB had actually disoriented her or if she was feigning confusion to try and  weasel herself out of trouble. 

“Why am I tied up? Where are we!?” 

“Tenn, please calm down.” 

“Calm down!? I’m being held hostage! Did I do something wrong!?”

“You attacked the Galactic Syndicate.” 

“Wh... what?” Her expression looked completely lost. 

“You infiltrated  the Galactic Syndicate. You have been posing as their chief of security.” 

“N... no.” She shook her head. “No. The Syndicate are  Irken allies. An attack on them would be against the Empire’s wishes.” 

Skoodge sighed, either  Tenn was a better liar than he thought, or something wasn’t adding up.  Irkens were typically good liars, their PAKs kept their pulse steady and kept their voices even and calm. Still,  Skoodge had enough confidence in his own abilities that he was sure he could pick apart the  subtleties of an  Irken lie. The twitch of the antennae, the slightly louder whirring of the PAK trying to  stabilize its  owner’s vitals . 

“ Tenn , you are on Earth. You are in a Syndicate holding cell. You have been posing as a Syndicate Ranger for an unknown amount of time and- I'll be honest- they are pissed.” 

“No!” Her antennae went straight back, her eyes narrowed. “I would never go against the values of the  Irken Empire! You are lying!” 

They were getting nowhere. “Would you allow me to take a look at your PAK?”  Skoodge had a theory but it seemed far fetched. “I need to see if you were coded for this mission. I want to check your memory banks.”  Irkens had an ability to access one another’s memories through their PAKS, it was like watching a video- only more invasive as the  Irken observing could have a sense of the thoughts and feelings of the  Irken being observed. It was a tedious process that most  Irkens avoid unless the situation was dire. But, sitting in an interrogation chamber on the brink of war seemed urgent enough. 

“I...”  Tenn looked displeased with the idea. He could see she was scanning him- checking to be sure he really was the  Irken he claimed to be. After an uncomfortable silence, she nodded. “But don’t look into anything personal!” 

“We’ll need to see that footage too, Mister  Skoodge .” The voice came from a speaker hidden somewhere in the walls.  Skoodge recognized it as the Captain. It was a reasonable request- given she couldn’t exactly take  Skoodge’s word for what he saw. 

“Do they have to?”  Tenn looked pleadingly at her  interrogator . 

“It would be in the best  interest of our alliance if you would just let them watch as well.”  Skoodge’s reply was as sympathetic as he could make it. Honestly, he was confused. The idea of starting a war with the Syndicate seemed to come out of nowhere. It hadn’t been in the  original battle plans for Impending Doom II. He had a lot of questions. 

“O... okay...” Begrudgingly, she closed her eyes and  Skoodge heard the click of her PAK opening. He stood, walking around behind her, hooking up the wires in her PAK to his own, and hooking his PAK to a helpful display monitor that had lowered from the ceiling. The Syndicate seemed  oddly prepared to  interrogate an  Irken given that they were  supposedly friends. 

He took a deep breath, and allowed their PAK’s to sync. 

_ Tenn _ _ disembarked from her ship, finally setting foot on the Massive. She had seen the ship only a few times, having read about its build and defenses. It was truly a work of  _ _ Irken _ _ Art (despite being made by the Vort). She had not been back among her people for some time and the cheers of her fellow  _ _ Irkens _ _ made her cardiac- _ _ spooch _ _ race with pride and excitement. Before her, above the cheering throngs were her Tallest. Red and Purple stood- or rather hovered- at the end of a path that was cleared for her to walk.  _

_ “Invader  _ _ Tenn _ _!” Red  _ _ addressed _ _ her, his voice filling the ship and instantly quieting the celebrating crowd. “Your conquest of Planet Groth is yet another world you can add to your...” he faltered for a moment, clearing his throat,  _ _ coughing _ _. “You know... your list... of... planets you’ve  _ _ conquered _ _...”  _

_ “ _ _ Repertoire _ _?” Purple finally suggested an answer only after watching Red struggle for a considerable amount of time.  _

_ “Yes. That.” Red quickly moved on.  _ _ Tenn _ _ was happier than ever. She had just  _ _ conquered _ _ her fourth planet. She was currently the  _ _ top _ _ Invader for Impending Doom II. The Tallest had even gotten her name right, despite her being small. They knew her! _

Skoodge was a bit taken aback at this point.  Tenn had been the top Invader a few Earth years prior. However, not long after this particular Invasion,  Skoodge himself would overtake her in the ranks. (He felt a little badly, as it seemed she- like most  Irkens \- adored her Tallest and craved their affection;  whereas Skoodge had mixed feelings on their leaders.) He realized he had not seen much of  Tenn after this celebration. But that was even more confusing. 

This memory was...  ** old ** . 

_ “Yes, you’ve done well Tenn. Good job.” Purple seemed to just be echoing Red’s sentiment, but  _ _ Tenn _ _ paid it no mind. “Keep it up.”  _

_ “Thank you my Tallest!” Her  _ _ antennae _ _ were trembling with overwhelming pride. To be acknowledge in her field by her Tallest- this was her highest honor.  _

_ “You’re welcome.” Purple relaxed back, sitting in the air, supported by the hover belt as he grabbed a bag of snacks and began to eat, seeming to lose interest in the ceremony.  _

_ “ _ _ Tenn _ _ , you’ve been  _ _ instrumental _ _ in Impending Doom II. Four worlds have fallen to the  _ _ Irken _ _ armies thanks to your Invasion techniques. You have one of our highest success rates and it has not gone unnoticed. We believe you deserve a sort of... reward.” Red was trying his best to match Purple’s  _ _ eloquence _ _ with limited results.  _

_ “For me!?”  _ _ Tenn _ __ _ squeaked _ _. She felt as if she could fly right off the platform- she was so airy with excitement. “My Tallest I can’t-” _

_ “ _ _ Of  _ _ course _ _ you can’t. You’re not us. Only we can give out rewards.” Purple cut her off. She didn’t mind. She didn’t even mind that Purple’s assumptions about her next sentence were completely and utterly wrong.  _

_ “ _ _ When _ _ was your last trip to Irk?” Red intervened in the conversation.  _

_ “The planet?”  _

_ “ _ **_ Our  _ ** _ Planet!” Purple reiterated helpfully.  _

_ “Yes,” Red looked a tad annoyed, “Our planet.” He turned back to Tenn. “We have a mission for you on the home planet. We’ve been busy  _ _ conquering _ _ worlds and building the Empire’s strength, gaining... ah  _ _ Mothra _ _ damn it...” Red turned his gaze back to his co-ruler- “Purple, what’s the word for that thing where everyone knows you in the galaxy?”  _

_ “Fame?” _

_ “No. Bigger.”  _

_ “Infamy?”  _

_ “No, more positive.”  _

_ “Renown?”  _

_ “Yes!” He whirled back to Tenn. “We have been gaining renown throughout the  _ _ galaxy _ _ \- but we sense unrest in the  _ _ home-world _ _.”  _

_ “Unrest?”  _ _ Tenn _ _ blinked. This was her  _ _ first time _ _ hearing of that sort of thing. No  _ _ Irken _ _ dared question the Tallest. It simply wasn’t programmed in the PAKs to do so.  _

_ “Stupid right?” Purple echoed  _ _ Tenn’s _ _ surprise. “It’s nothing big, just a few  _ _ smallers _ _ here and there getting agitated because they’re short.”  _ _ Tenn _ _ raised one of her  _ _ antennae _ _ , tilting her head to the side, rather perplexed.  _

_ “But you are a loyal Invader. We want you to go to Irk and remind them of our cause and our progress.” Red seemed determined.  _

_ “And how amazing we are!” Purple added.  _

_ “Yes, and how amazing we are.” Red didn’t miss a beat. It seemed years of being interrupted by his fellow Tallest had made him more or less immune. “We want you to become a teacher at the Elite Academy. You can share your exploits with our rising  _ _ military; training them and helping siphon out the next wave of Invaders.”  _

_ “I... my Tallest...”  _ _ Tenn _ _ had never considered herself for the Academy as one of the  _ _ prestigious _ _ Faculty. That was a position held in highest regards on Irk. “I am honored beyond words.  _ _ Of course, _ _ I would be honored to serve the  _ _ Empire _ _ as one of your Faculty.”  _

_ “Good.” Red waved his hand to signify the conversation was at its end. “Then you are dismissed. Report to the Academy for your retraining and re-coding.”  _ _ Tenn _ _ winced slightly. Re-coding was not a pleasant process, even for a promotion. Still, this would raise her standing, so it was for the better.  _

_ She hurried out of the  _ _ meeting room _ _ of the Massive, accompanied by the wild cheers  _ _ of her _ _ fellow  _ _ Irkens _ _. She was being reassigned to Irk. This was the opportunity of a life time. She would be surrounded once again by her fellow  _ _ Irkens _ _. _

_ As she reached her ship and plugged in the coordinates to her home, she was  _ _ still _ _ trying to process all of the implications of her promotion. She would be training the future of Irk. The Tallest were entrusting her to be their eyes and ears- to pick and choose the Invaders that would carry Irk beyond the stars. From Red, this was the highest honor. He had always taken more interest in  _ _ Irk’s _ _ military prowess than his Purple companion.  _

_ A million thoughts were racing through her PAK, making it work harder just to keep her the calm, collected Invader  _ _ she _ _ knew she would have to be. The Entire trip back to Irk was just a rush of thoughts and emotions that her PAK struggled to sort. She reached the landing bay and was received by more cheering  _ _ Irkens _ _.  _

_ Tenn _ _ had never considered herself a hero, but seeing the wiggling antennae of her fellows and  _ _ hearing _ _ the excited chatter- it was the closest she would feel to being the Tallest themselves. The rush of  _ _ exhilaration _ _ had her disembarking in record time. She was greeted by a taller Irken, a rounder build, golden eyes, wearing the Emblem of the Academy Faculty on his armor. He had been one of her teachers back in her Elite days.  _

_ “Sig!” She rushed to him.  _

_ “We received the orders to escort you to your new quarters.” Sig had never been an overly emotional  _ _ Irken _ _. Most of the Elites in  _ _ Tenn’s _ _ class had attributed his cool-headed nature to his age.  _ _ Tenn _ _ smiled to herself, recalling when she was younger and Defect  _ _ Zim _ _ had suggested Sig was older than the planet itself. In reality, he was only a few generations before Tallest Miyuki. “I believe congratulations are in order Invader Tenn.”  _

_ “Thank you, Instructor Sig.”  _ _ Tenn _ _ tried to collect herself, to act as calm as her (soon to be) coworker. “I look forward to being your  _ _ colleague _ _.” _

_ “We look forward to having you.” He sounded genuine and  _ _ Tenn _ _ thought her cardiac- _ _ spooch _ _ may just explode from the excitement. He  _ _ led _ _ her away from the cheering throngs and into the busy streets of Upper Irk.  _ _ Tenn _ _ watched as  _ _ Irkens _ _ would recognize her and grin, whispering to one another in excitement as she passed. Others were buried in their tasks, reading newspapers or watching the constant stream of news on the overhead screens. She looked to her old teacher.  _

_ “The Tallest spoke of unrest...” He shook his head to silence her.  _

_ “Not out here. It is minor, but there is no need to rile up the general public.” She nodded, following him to the primary building for the Elite Academy.  _ _ Tenn _ _ had not walked the black-tiled halls, or passed beneath the glowing red Elite Emblem that hovered over the entry way, since her graduation. The nostalgia was almost soothing. The doors slid open automatically as she  _ _ approached _ _ , allowing them entrance. She could see the youngest of the Elites just starting their  _ _ journeys _ _ into the  _ _ Irken _ _ military. A few recognized her instantly and stopped to stare until Sig shooed them away.  _

_ “Instructor Sig!” A newer Instructor (one  _ _ Tenn _ _ did not recognize on sight and one of lower status,  _ _ judging _ _ from his uniform)  _ _ approached _ _ them in a hurry. “Vero and Xia are fighting again.” Sig’s antennae twitched in  _ _ aggravation _ _.  _

_ “ _ _ Mothra _ _ be  _ _ praised _ _.” He swore under his breath. “This class of Rising Elites has to be the most taxing...” He trailed off, with a heavy sigh, turning to Tenn. “This is why we requested more Faculty.” He looked back to  _ _ Tenn _ __ _ apologetically _ _. “I need to tend to this. Jax will show you to your new quarters. Head to the Control Brains when you are settled in for your Instructor coding.” He hurried off leaving  _ _ Tenn _ _ with the out of breath instructor, another tall  _ _ Irken _ _. This one with blue eyes, and pale antennae.  _

_ “Right.” Jax looked to  _ _ Tenn _ _ slightly flustered. “Sorry about interrupting your tour. But the layout will be coded into you... and it hasn’t changed much since your graduation I’m sure.” He recovered, straightening himself up. _

_ “I’m sure I’ll find my way. I’m excited to be an Instructor.”  _

_ “And we are glad to have the famous Invader Tenn.” He gestured for  _ _ Tenn _ _ to follow him as he guided _ __ _ her down the halls, passed the classrooms. In one room she could barely make out Sig arguing with two first year Elites. Everything seemed so familiar and yet to be walking the halls as an Instructor rather than a terrified but excited Elite made it all feel different.  _ _ Tenn _ _ was quiet, observing everything around her, taking in what was going to be her new life.  _

_ The Instructor quarters were far above the main school.  _ _ Irkens _ _ could use their private chambers for personal study and reflection. It was down-time, yes, but any time spent on bettering yourself for the Empire was time well spent and thus self-study was always highly encouraged.  _ _ Tenn _ _ was pleased to see her new quarters had training equipment, books, targets, strategy games... this place had everything an Irken could want! _

_ “I assume this is to your liking?” Jax remained outside as  _ _ Tenn _ _ looked around in awe.  _

_ “Perfect! Yes!”  _

_ “Then I shall leave you to get adjusted. Report to the Control Brains when you’re ready.” Jax smiled at her and  _ _ saluted _ _. “For our Tallest. For Irk.”  _

_ “For Irk!” She returned the gesture with enthusiasm. The door to the room slid shut as Jax left.  _ _ Tenn _ _ quickly tried to orient herself with all her new training gear. Never in her wildest dreams had she anticipated ending up as Instructor  _ _ Tenn _ _! It had quite  _ _ the _ _ ring to it.  _

_ After a while of  _ _ Tenn _ _ enjoying her new perks, there was a knock at her door. She  _ _ blinked; _ _ she had not expected anyone back so soon. Sig and Jax sounded like they were going to give her some space and time to adjust before her re-coding. She walked to the door, sliding it open.  _

_ “Oh! It’s you.”  _ _ Tenn _ _ smiled.  _

_ “ _ _ TeNn _ _ , y-U  _ _ neEd _ _ -D N t-E S-Nc-Um.”  _

Skoodge was immediately ripped out of the memory. 

That  Irken had no face. 

Or well... it DID at one  point but it was pixilated, glitching beyond recognition.  Tenn’s reaction in the vision implied that she recognized the  Irken in question but the memory had become completely corrupted. He looked to  Tenn who had started to have an adverse  reaction to his prying. He saw her antennae jerk  unnaturally , one of her eyes beginning to twitch.  Skoodge immediately stopped the share and  Tenn’s PAK made an  unpleasant ** click ** and  ** whir ** .  Skoodge disconnected his own PAK in a hurry as  Tenn’s began to shut itself down.

The door flung open as Clark burst in with Conner in tow. “Back away Mister  Skoodge !” He ran a scan on  Tenn who was starting to go limp before he began to work on her with medical  equipment Skoodge recognized as being (surprisingly) useful for treating  Irkens . It seemed the intention was really to help Tenn as Clark began administering something to her body while he hooked his little scanner to her PAK. “I’m triggering a hard reset. It’ll take a while, but she should regain  consciousness with minimal negative  repercussions .” 

“I’m impressed you were able to  handle an  Irken medical emergency.”  Skoodge was trying to steady his own  cardiac- spooch . 

“I’m a doctor.” Clark stood back up wincing as he seemed to have forgotten his bad ankle in the wild rush of things. He ran his little hand-held device over  Skoodge and looked at the readings. “You have symptoms of anxiety, but you do not appear to be injured. Would you like me to try to administer any treatment?” 

“No.” He refused quickly. “My PAK can take care of things.” 

“Then we’ll get you out of here while your friend recovers.” Conner gently guided  Skoodge back out of the room.  Skoodge took his time during the silent walk to steady his thoughts. He entered another room where the Captain sat with a now humanoid version of Q,  Zim , and that human that got them all into this mess in the first place. 

“That was quite the display Mister  Skoodge . I hope you have an  explanation .” The Captain looked to him expectantly but the Invader shook his head. 

“ I... Those memories don’t add up. For one thing, they are very old. And that end... something happened. Something...  _ messed with her PAK _ ...” It was so taboo that even saying the words made  Skoodge feel uneasy. An  Irken’s PAK was their very identity: their memories, their thoughts, their feelings... The PAK protected them, made them nearly  unkillable , but it also defined them. “That memory was all wrong... I...” 

“Take your time. It seems we have quite the mystery on our hands.” The Captain rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Though, I’m willing to give Irk some benefit of the doubt here. At least... I’m willing to hold off on suggesting a war  declaration .” 

“No one wins if we go to war.”  Skoodge agreed. “ So, thank you...” 

Dib was watching this all unfold before him completely enthralled. In a way, he was proud of himself for helping find a secret traitor due to his constant paranoia.  Sure, the  Irkens were taking over the mystery now, but they would still need his expertise... 

Probably. 

“This is crazy, it’s like some kind of conspiracy!” Dib was always ready to break apart an attempt at subterfuge- the wilder the better. “Once that Invader becomes  conscious again, we can try to pump her for more info then...” He trailed off looking around. Everyone looked tired.  Skoodge was slightly dazed, Zim had gone very quiet, and Clark looked  exhausted . 

“Y... yeah...” Clark  forced a  smile before collapsing into one of the floating chairs in the meeting room. Dib walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He had never seen him look so pale before. He looked ready to pass out.

“Hey... before we do all of that... you  wanna watch the rest of that dumb movie franchise?” 

“W... wait... huh?” Clark blinked up at him, bleary-eyed. 

“I mean... you fell asleep last time, and then Q poisoned me... so we didn’t get to finish...”

“ _ You’re welcome _ .” Q’s input was ignored. 

“And it sounds like the  Irkens need a second to figure out this whole...” Dib  twirled his fingers trying to  think of the right word, “thing. Why don’t we do something together. You know, so I can apologize for outing you like that.” 

“I  mean... If you hadn’t... we may have been killed by a spy.  So, I guess you did the right thing.” Clark’s smile was the closest it had been to that trademark grin since Dib had brought the  Irkens to their apartment in an attempt to trap his roommate. 

“Let me make it up to you.” Dib insisted. He wanted to dive into this mystery. He wanted to  unravel the secrets that  Tenn’s PAK held. But he had always put his quest for knowledge ahead of his relationships. Maybe it was age, maybe it was just that he was tired. But today, Dib felt it was time to put a friend first. Clark needed this. 

“I...” Clark looked to his Captain. 

“Go on. You’ve had a rough day. We’ll call you if things progress.” She nodded to him. “And Mister Membrane?”

Dib straightened up as he was  addressed . “Yes Captain?” 

“Do your fucking homework.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time writing for Red and Purple!! And Tenn too, actually. Please tell me what you think of the beginning of this new arc! Are there characters you are looking forward to seeing more of? Tell me in the comments!


	16. C.B.

“Well this is all just great.”  Skoodge and  Zim sat at the little table in Zim’s kitchen, both looking more exhausted than anything else. 

“Do you think the Syndicate will release  Tenn anytime soon?”  Zim pulled off the wig and deactivated the holographic elements of his improved disguise. The contacts were itchy and he had had a very long day- he was ready to just be  Irken again. 

“Probably not. But being on the brink of war, you can’t blame the Syndicate for keeping her.”  Skoodge was always better at seeing things logically. He could go so far as to overanalyze if given enough time, so Zim figured he would cut him off. 

“The Tallest would never have ordered this.” He had to be firm.

“We don’t know if they did or not. It doesn’t look like they did... at least not directly.” It was hard to tell what to believe. “The data suggests that Red and Purple wanted  Tenn to be an Instructor- not a spy for the Syndicate.” 

“ _ Red _ would not have ordered an attack like that.” He was a little more specific this time. “He takes the military aspect of his job seriously.” 

“There’s no telling for sure one way or the other.” Despite being disconnected from the hive,  Zim still held his Tallest in the highest regard. Respect for the Tallest was ingrained into him. Plus, he _ knew _ the Tallest; they both did. 

“Red and Purple mentioned unrest...”  Zim was clearly trying to make sense of the crazy situation at hand. “Do you know about anything like that?” 

“I can think of a few reasons  Irkens might be unhappy.”  Skoodge answered a little too quickly for  Zim’s liking. “But as for specifics...” he shrugged. “I haven’t been to Irk the Planet in a long time. I have no idea what is going on.” 

“We could go back over  the data from  Tenn’s PAK, maybe there is something in there?” Zim looked thoughtful for a moment. “CB, do you still have the feed?”

“Why would  _ CB _ have that?”  Skoodge lifted one of his  antennae . 

“ ** I record the live feed from the Master’s  ** ** ocular ** ** implants for later study ** .” 

“Study for  Zim ? Or study for you?”  Skoodge’s eyes narrowed slightly as CB’s holographic form shimmered into view, sitting at the table alongside his  Irken comrades (he had even brought his own chair). It was a valid question given how much CB seemed to like to do things on his own. 

“ ** Irrelevant ** .” 

“I feel like it is pretty relevant.”

“CB play back the data  from Tenn’s PAK.”  Zim ignored the conflict in favor of progressing the investigation (and possibly clear the names of the Tallest). 

“ ** Where would you like me to begin? ** ”

“How about when she arrived on Irk?”  Zim stood up. “We can analyze the  Irkens in the background. Faded or not, her memories should be detailed enough from her Invader training that we might be able to notice something in the crowd. If something is happening on Irk,  Tenn would have taken note; even if it was just  subconsciously .”

“I’m impressed.”  Skoodge stood as well as CB activated the multitude of cameras that  Zim had installed throughout the house, creating a  three-dimensional hologram of the streets of Upper Irk for the  Irkens to explore. 

“ Of course you are,  Zim is impressive.”  Zim walked behind  Tenn as the hologram played out. The memories were technically from her perspective so CB had made a little make-shift  Tenn to stand in her place and help orient the Invaders while the memories were in motion. The stand-in  Tenn was a little creepy with vacant  expressions and robotic movements (it seemed CB wasn’t particularly good at making convincing illusions on the spot). 

All around them,  Irken s were going about their everyday lives. Many took notice of  Tenn , whispering excitedly to one another and wiggling their antennae in excitement. Nothing was amiss. These were all very  Irken responses. 

“It’s nice to be home...”  Skoodge commented as he followed  Zim through the crowd. “Your hologram technology has improved. Given what you must have had on your cruiser, this is quite impressive.”  Zim was examining a group of younger  Irkens buying a balloon in the background. 

“I made some of my own improvements.” 

“You were always good with technology. But why not ever try to fix your SIR?”  Skoodge asked.  Zim had given GIR a menial task shortly before arriving and it would be a bit before he grew bored of whatever destruction he could cause from his simple orders- so he anticipated GIR would not be back for a little while longer.

“I tried. Exactly one time. It did not go well.”  Zim shuddered at the memory. “Idiot robot is better off the way he is. I thought when I  made CB things would get better. He could keep an eye on GIR, keep him occupied.”

“ ** But I do not like doing that. GIR is destructive and loud, and he changes the channel when I am watching TV. ** ” 

“Keeping an eye on GIR is a part of your  _ job _ ,”  Zim retorted to the hologram of CB standing  idly off to the side, “you don’t have to _ like _ it.” 

“ ** Yeah but I do not like it ** .” 

“Hey  Skoodge , look at this.”  Zim ignored his frustratingly  obstinate robot in order better examine a group of young  Irkens , easily around their Academy years, looking at a newspaper. There was news, back on Irk. There were papers and news stations, similar to what  Zim had seen on Earth but the news was more or less a way for  Irkens with non- military jobs to keep up with the glory of the Tallest and the successes of Impending Doom II. But this paper did not look to be one of the major publications  Zim remembered. In fact, it was a little odd to see it in print rather than electronically downloaded onto one of the  Irken’s reading devices (a flat screen which could access any of  Irk’s major  literary publications). The title of the article had really been what caught  Zim’s eye: “ _ The All Mighty Tallest:  _ _ Irk’s _ _ Greatest Deception? _ ”,  Zim read the title aloud with disgust in his voice. How could any self-respecting  Irken print this filth?

“Is that a new Zeke  article ?”  Skoodge’s antennae perked up and he scurried over. 

“Zeke? Who is this Zeke? He sounds stupid.” 

“No one really knows.”  Skoodge gave a dismissive shrug. “Some  Irkens think he’s a defect that hides away in the shadows; others say he’s a group of  Irkens trying to cause trouble; I don’t have much of an opinion on him- but the stuff he writes is interesting.” 

“How do we not know who this is? We’re  Irken .” This must have been the cause of that unrest Tallest Red had mentioned.  Zim couldn’t read the text  in the article (mostly because  Tenn had not seen it) but he was sure it was stupid. “If he’s publishing news things then he is an  Irken coded for media. Just go through the databanks and find him.” 

“You... do realize how common the name Zeke is on Irk... right?”  Skoodge gave him a rather flat reply. “Plus, he might not be coded for media. He publishes these written pieces and they just spread around overnight. Since it isn’t through our publishing branch, we don’t actually know who is making them. I like the mystery of it.”

“You’re an Invader, you’re not supposed to like mystery!” Zim huffed. 

“Look, unless Zeke got a lot more clout in the time I’ve been away, I doubt he’s a big enough issue that the Tallest would need to assign  Tenn to Irk.”  Skoodge seemed confident in this, and  Zim had not been back to the planet-proper since almost  destroying it, so he would just have to trust his fellow Invader on this matter. 

“CB, continue.”  Zim snapped his fingers.

“ ** Would it kill either of you to say please? ** ” The memory continued despite the AI’s obvious irritation. There was not a lot more to see on the streets, but  Zim let it play out into the Academy part- just to see his old alma mater one more time. 

“I can’t believe Sig is still working here.”  Skoodge actually laughed as they reached the point where Sig ran off to lecture two Rising Elites. “I liked  him; he was tough but fair.” 

“I thought he was just tough.”  Zim had gotten many demerits from Sig during his school days for ‘reckless endangerment’, or ‘destroying school property’, or ‘completely missing the  purpose of the exercise’. 

“That is because you never listened in class and then just arbitrarily decided what we were going to do on the training field.”  Skoodge rubbed his forehead as if the memory alone was giving him a headache. “And somehow you would always talk me into helping you out.”

“Oh yes.  Zim recalls fearlessly leading you into many victories!” 

“Victories is a strong word for it.” Skoodge muttered under his breath. 

“You were very fortunate to spend all your school time in the presence of ZIM!”  Zim continued proudly, unphased by  Skoodge’s comment (he was pretending not to have heard him). “You must have recognized my genius; you always hung around, after all.” 

“Well  **_ yeah _ ** ,”  Skoodge gave him a dumbfounded look. “We were  _ bunkmates _ ,  Zim . I  **_ lived _ ** with you throughout all of our Elite Training.” 

“Oh yeah...” It had honestly slipped his mind. Though, suddenly it made a lot more sense why  Skoodge was constantly hanging around in all of  Zim’s memories. To be fair,  Zim had not thought about his school years in some  time . 

“I’m not even surprised.”  Skoodge let out a long sigh. “You had other things on your mind back then. At least you remembered I was there... I guess.”  Zim blinked. Had he offended  Skoodge ? The robust Invader was no longer looking at him, his antennae drooping slightly. 

“Are you upset?”

“No... not really.”  Skoodge was trying to avoid the topic, but Zim could tell. 

“If it helps, I know you are here now. School was so long  ago; it is all kind of a blur anyway. I’ve been recoded twice since then so my memories can get a bit scrambled...” He didn’t like seeing  Skoodge upset. He was the only  Irken Zim had seen face to face since his banishment. He didn’t want to say something that would make  Skoodge leave.

“Yeah...”  Skoodge actually smiled, just a bit. “It does help, actually.”

“And with two elite Invaders on the case- nothing will get by-  _ SWEET FUCKING MOTHRA _ !”  Zim jumped straight up in the air, PAK legs catching him as he had the unfortunate luck to turn and be face to lack-of-face with the Glitched  Irken from  Tenn’s memory. 

“I never wanted to be that close to this... abomination of an  Irken .”  Skoodge took a visible step back as  Zim lowered himself back to the floor. “I can’t figure out what happened to her PAK. Her memories are so far in the past and this... the sound and image is completely distorted... it’s not natural.” 

“ ** It is corrupted ** .” The hologram fizzled out leaving  Zim and  Skoodge back in the kitchen with the hologram of CB. 

“What?”  Skoodge looked back at the computer in question. 

“ ** The data in her PAK. It was corrupted. I had to remove a few lines of coding to ** -” 

“CB, maybe now is not the time.”  Zim tried his best to cut off his creation but  Skoodge was smart. He had already latched on to the key words hiding in CB’s simple sentence. 

“ _ You _ removed coding? How? What were you even doing in her PAK?”  Skoodge had completely lost interest in  Zim , turning gaze into the large, blue, central lens on CB’s helmet. 

“Calm down,  Skoodge .”  Zim reached into his own PAK to pull out the  electrified, two-pronged blade he had used in the fight. “The weapon I invented allowed CB to travel into her PAK when I stabbed it. Nothing to get jumpy about, this is just impressive inventing.” Even if  Skoodge was a little on edge,  surely, he would be distracted by the brilliance of  Zim’s new weapon.  Skoodge looked over the sparking blade with skepticism in his expression. He kept looking back to CB as if expecting the hologram to turn into a Meekrob and try to attack them. 

“That’s a nice weapon- but it doesn’t explain how a _ security program _ would know how to  _ alter _ or  _ delete _ code from an  Irken’s **_ PAK _ ** .” He looked up, this time at  Zim , those crimson, oval eyes narrowing as  Zim could see  Skoodge starting to put pieces of a  puzzle together. 

“ ** I was  ** **_ trying _ ** ** to help ** .” Now it was CB’s turn to get a little uneasy. 

“ Zim , why is it that your  _ security program _ knows PAK coding?”  Skoodge leaned in a little closer.  Zim didn’t like the angry calm of his voice. 

“I know where you’re going with this but-”

“CB doesn’t stand for Computer Base.”

“ Skoodge if you will listen-” 

“Does it?”

“There are extenuating circumstances-”

“ _ Does it _ !?”  Skoodge was directly in  Zim’s face now and the slightly shorter  Irken found himself backing up into the table. 

“Skoodge-”

“What does CB stand for  Zim !?” As  Skoodge made a move to follow  Zim , the pink lights in his PAK suddenly surged turning a bright blue.  Skoodge’s whole body sized up and froze as his PAK was taken over completely. 

“ ** You are scaring my master ** .” CB re-materialized beside  Zim looking over his creator with what  Zim assumed was concern (CB was hard to read since he did not have antennae). “ ** Scans indicate that you are not injured. ** ” 

“Let him go CB, you’re just giving him reason to be more upset.”  Zim was trying his best to de-escalate the situation. But,  Skoodge had  every reason to be mad.

“ ** He yelled at you ** .” 

“Lots of people yell at me; you’ve never gotten upset before.”

“ ** Yes, but he was upsetting you for real. ** ” 

“Release him CB.” Zim had to be firm. 

“ ** Only if  ** ** Skoodge ** ** promises not to upset the master ** .” CB was looking at the frozen form of  Skoodge who (most likely) was listening to every word with rising anger. There was a moment of silence before the PAK lights switched back to pink and  Skoodge face-planted on the ground before  Zim . He stood, very slowly; brushing himself off and letting out a cough, he looked back at  Zim and the hologram beside him.

“ Zim , what does CB stand for?” He was so calm, but  Zim could tell that inwardly he was seething. CB’s little power display probably did nothing for Skoodge’s opinion on the situation. 

“...”  Zim inhaled deeply. “Control Brain.” 

“ Zim that’s fucking insane; you realize that don’t you!?”  Skoodge was livid, but he was not getting close to  Zim this time.  Zim could see it though, in the way his antennae laid straight back and how he bared his teeth when he yelled. 

“I was desperate!”  Zim was not going to be accused of being crazy  without any chance to explain his rational. “You have never been disconnected from the Collective before! You have no idea how lonely it is to be completely isolated from our people on a planet that, quite frankly, sucks!”  Zim’s outburst seemed to surprise Skoodge because he backed off a bit. 

“I know you’re hurting but...” He was speaking more calmly now, seemingly genuine in his concern. “Zim, you realize how taboo this is, don’t you? Our PAKs are our identities. Only the Control Brains under order of our Tallest can access our core memories. The amount of time and energy that our entire planet must put into properly constructing a Control Brain is so immense that even as a top Invader I have no idea how it is done.”

“It’s extreme... yes... but you shouldn’t be mad. You should be impressed that I was so successful.”  Zim tried to find a positive to distract  Skoodge from the overwhelming creepiness of  Zim trying to make his own mini-Irk in his base. “Once he learns enough, he might even be able to re-code me as an Invader! He’s a little too new right now.” 

“Is that what this is building toward?”  Skoodge had eased off a little. It seemed after hearing  Zim mention the crippling  loneliness of his banishment, that  Skoodge sympathized. “You can’t just  jury-rig a Control Brain out of tech you have on hand and expect it to  function .” 

“ ** Wow. Rude. I function just fine ** .” CB crossed his arms, huffing. 

“I mean, no human computer is advanced enough to even run smoothly when combined with our superior Artificial Intelligence  techn -”  Skoodge cut off mid-sentence as the realization hit. His research into the rather “rough” history of the humans and their relationship with technology finally reaching its payoff as he turned slowly to look at  Zim . “There’s  _ one _ ... but...  Zim ... you  **_ didn’t _ ** .” 

Zim actually didn’t have time to answer (which was, honestly, for the best as  Skoodge would not have liked what was said) as CB seemed to have enough of the accusations being thrown about himself. “ ** Before you keep treating me like a monster why not let me explain my actions in regards to my interference in the  ** ** Irken ** ** Invader’s PAK ** .” 

Skoodge kept his distance, eyeing the hologram distrustfully. “Go on.” 

“ ** It is true that I deleted some code. However, I did not tamper with the memory banks. All I did was delete something that was in her PAK that was  ** **_ actively corrupting _ ** ** data ** .”  Zim blinked. This was certainly the first he had heard about any of this. CB must have noticed his reaction because he immediately turned to  Zim , adding: “ ** I was planning on telling you what I had done when we were alone next. However, since Mister  ** ** Skoodge ** ** wanted to make accusations I needed to step in. When I first shut down her  ** ** PAK ** ** I noted something, akin to a virus, starting to go through her PAK and corrupt all the data it could find. The only bit of code I deleted was in an attempt to stop the progress of that corruption. In short: I was not trying to harm Tenn. I was trying to save her. ** ” It made sense. The missing memories, the glitchy ending of  Tenn’s adventure back on the planet’s surface. It seemed like something had been corrupting  Tenn’s PAK. 

“Why should I believe you!?”  Skoodge was clearly on edge, despite CB’s  explanation . 

“ ** You saw the corruption for yourself ** .” CB moved his hands and the glitching, faceless  Irken materialized before him.  Skoodge and  Zim both stepped back, uncomfortable as they had to look at something so uncanny. CB sighed, letting the hologram dissipate. “ ** Let me try to explain better. ** ” The graphic reformed into a giant yellow  circle with a mouth and several dots in front of it. “ ** This, ** ” he gestured to the circle, “ ** is the Virus. And these ** ” he gestured to the dots, “ ** are vital bits of  ** ** Tenn’s ** ** memory. ** ” He snapped and the yellow circle began eating the dots. “ ** So, ** ** I had so come in, ** ” a little light, blue ghost shape descended on the circle, “ ** and stop it. ** ” The ghost connected and the circle spun around and wilted,  disintegrating into nothingness. “ ** So ** ** you see, I was helping. ** ”

“The visual aids helped.”  Zim had to admit, seeing it made it a little easier to follow. Still, the very idea that someone would _ infect _ a PAK was so foreign to him. It was disturbing. 

“It was Pacman.”  Skoodge replied after a bit more silence. 

“Eh?” Zim glanced over. 

“Pacman.”

“ No I think it’s a  metaphor .”

“ ** It’s both ** .” 

“You didn’t think I would know what Pacman was, but I do.”  Skoodge looked very pleased with himself. “And that was Pacman.” 

“ ** Fine, I will make a note that Invader  ** ** Skoodge ** ** knows what Pacman is ** .”

“Thank you.”

“ ** But did the visual aid help ** ?”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t understand... I mean... it’s fucking disturbing to even think about- but I understood the concept. It’s just that you can’t prove that you didn’t do all that to her.”  Skoodge was not letting up off of CB. Zim had to intervene. 

“He wouldn’t. He’s  _ Irken _ .”  Zim had  _ made _ CB, pieced together his mainframe, worked tirelessly on his coding; CB was  _ his _ . 

“He’s partially  Irken , at best.”  Skoodge’s tone indicated he was  missing the point. 

“I constructed CB myself. I would know if he was capable of something like that!”

“Is he?” 

“ ** Yes. ** ”

“ _ Mothra _ _ damn it _ , you are not helping your case.”  Zim whirled around to face his security program, glaring at him, indignantly. 

“ ** Lying would not help either ** .” He hated to admit that CB had a point. Skoodge had indicated on more than one occasion he was good at seeing through deception. “ ** But I ** **_ would _ ** ** not do something so invasive. You have the capability to end this  ** ** primitive ** ** planet. But you would not do so. Capability is not a motive ** .”

“He’s right.”  Zim was proud to see all the hours of coding going into something more than dry insults and weird Lifetime movies. “He doesn’t have a motive. Why would my security program-”

“Control Brain.” Skoodge corrected him quickly. 

“Yes. Fine. Whatever.”  Zim made a  motion as if rolling his eyes. “Why would CB, who ** I ** made, want to cover up  Tenn’s memories. He literally never met her until we were in that trial room. What possible reason could he have to delete her memory? Unless you think  _ I’m _ the one trying to attack the Galactic Syndicate and start a war. Which isn’t true because that plan is terrible.” 

“No... even _ you _ wouldn’t do something so stupid as to cause an intergalactic war.”  Skoodge had been quiet, mulling over the details laid out before him in silence. It was clear he was not a fan of CB or his... admittedly rocky origins. 

“Hey!”  Zim protested, a little offended by the implication. 

“I suppose CB doesn’t actually have a motive, now that I think about it. I’m going to trust you on this, Zim, but I’m wary...” Skoodge finally relaxed, his  antennae lifting back up into a  neutral position. 

“ ** Thank you ** .” CB also relaxed (though it was more for show as he wasn’t I the room so much as he  _ was _ the room). “ ** I appreciate it ** .” 

“But you’re not off the hook yet.”  Skoodge looked back to  Zim . “ Making a Control Brain is just... it’s  _ weird _ Zim. ” 

“I made a Control Brain, but _ better _ .”  Zim felt the need to specify.  Skoodge raised one antenna uncertainly as he gave the hologram a onceover. 

“I... feel like that is strongly a matter of opinion.”  Skoodge replied at last. 

“ ** Shut your dumb, stupid mouth. I am a delight ** .” 

“CB!”  Zim whirled back around. “That’s it you are grounded for Quintuple Forever. Go to your room.” 

“ ** But Creator, I ** -” 

“Now!”  Zim folded his arms. CB let out a loud groan, that lasted the entirety of the time it took for his hologram to float out of the room and into the elevator.  Zim could still  vaguely hear it as the platform  descended into the lower labs. 

“Where’s his room?”  Skoodge looked a bit confused. 

“I don’t actually know.”  Zim sat back at the table.  Skoodge just sighed, sitting back in the little chair across from  Zim , his head in his hands. 

“So if your AI didn’t cause the damage to  Tenn’s PAK, we’re kind of at square one.”

“Not entirely.”  Zim put a hand on  Skoodge’s shoulder. “We know something put a virus in  Tenn’s PAK in order to mass-delete her memories.” 

“ Thanks Zim .”  Skoodge heaved a heavy sigh. “That makes me feel a ton better.”

* * *

Wooo the origins of CB!! I hope you all enjoyed learning about the truth behind his name!! While we are discussing origins: is there something you guys would like to see explored more in the fanfic? Be it a bit of Irken lore, or a character's origin? Please let me know in the comments!!


	17. Failure to Communicate

Skoodge and Zim sat on the couch, watching some detective show that CB was forcing them to enjoy (it was hard to argue with him since he was the house AI). CB's hologram was sitting on the floor in front of the couch with GIR on the other side. The defective SIR unit didn't have too much preference on TV as long as it was loud. "I don't see why the human filth aren't just going into this pig-scum's brain to figure out if he is lying." It was apparent Zim, despite his time on Earth, still didn't quite understand humans. (Or, he understood them perfectly, but their assumed shortcomings frustrated him.)

" **Humans cannot do that to each other. At least not legally.** " CB retorted, sounding a little annoyed by the interruption. Skoodge watched with mild interest as the human authorities were questioning the thief from earlier in the episode.

"Seems inefficient." He remarked, tilting his head to the side.

"That is because humans are so inferior."

"I feel like that Professor Membrane guy in all the papers has invented something to draw out thoughts from a human brain." Skoodge had enjoyed his research into Earth's scientific advancements and the name: 'Membrane' had been a constant.

"Probably. I've met him, you know." Zim seemed rather proud of this fact. "That is the Dib-smelly's creator."

"Ah yes, you mentioned he was a clone." It felt nice to just take a moment to relax, watching mindless human television and NOT think about the war that loomed in the near future. As mundane as it was, Skoodge felt this break was well deserved. Just two Irkens with their defunct Control Brain and SIR unit watching something with no educational value.

" **Which one of these guys is the magic moose man?"** GIR looked over to CB.

"I think it is the one in the hat." Zim squinted at the screen.

" **Neither of them. There is no magic moose man. That was the movie that we watched yesterday**." CB sighed heavily.

"It could be a sequel." Skoodge suggested, more as a way to annoy CB, than as an actual suggestion. GIR latched onto the idea.

" **IT'S A SEQUEAL! THEY'RE ALLLLL THE MOOSE-MEN**!"

" **Oh for Mothra's sake**." CB's hologram flopped dramatically, yet soundlessly, onto the floor. It was a little funny to observe his behavior now that Skoodge knew what CB really was. He could not fathom one of the Control Brains back on Irk lying on the floor because they were frustrated by a SIR's misunderstanding of modern media. The Control Brains were rather cryptic. They did not speak much, unless spoken to, and what they did say was very to-the-point and blunt. There were slight variances in their personalities, but not much.

**_RING._ **

Zim glanced down at the human cell phone as it began playing some obnoxious melody at full volume, (Skoodge was beginning to get suspicious that Zim did not hear very well, which was why everything was so loud) his antenna lifted, sensing the vibration. "Oh. We were just speaking about the human worm and he contacts us."

" **Dib is calling**." CB announced helpfully.

"Yes, thank you. We already could see that." Skoodge replied dryly as Zim finally answered the phone, putting it on speaker.

"What do you want?" Zim had made this a customary greeting for Dib.

"Wow… hi…" the voice on the other end sounded offended.

" **DID YOU GET MY TACOS!?** "

"Hello GIR." Dib ignored the question but at least gave the robot some acknowledgement. "Hey, do you guys think you can come by the school?"

"Why?" Skoodge raised a quizzical antenna.

"Being honest, Zim feels as if it is best to wait for things to blow over. The Syndicate are trapped on Earth anyway. If we wait long enough they might just die."

"Yeah… I don't think that's gonna work." Dib sounded rather skeptical. "You guys should _really_ come down here…"

" **But we were watching TV**." CB protested, now sitting up to look at the phone.

"CB, you if anyone, understands why they need to get down here." Dib shot back instantly. "You're literally watching it with me."

" **This is true**." The Control Brain admitted once put under the spotlight. " **It is pretty important that you should go**. **I was going to tell you about it earlier but it was my night to pick what we all watched and I did not want to miss it.** "

"Fine fine." Zim jumped up, "Zim will grace your puny _human_ education building with his glorious presence! CB you are in charge of the house!"

" **I am the house**."

"GIR!" Zim continued unabashed, " Try not to break anything while we are away and stay alert for further instruction!"

" **YES MY MASTER**!" The SIR's eyes went red and he saluted as the two Irkens donned their new disguises and headed toward the door. As they reached the driveway, before the door closed, Skoodge could see the SIR's eyes had returned to blue and he was making a run for the kitchen with CB chasing after him in an attempt to stop whatever disaster was on the verge of occurring.

"I'll drive." While Zim had used his ship to spawn a home base, Skoodge had changed the appearance of his own to resemble a human car. Prior to this Zim had walked or taken the voot cruiser most places- this seemed easier. Also Skoodge had taken the time to upload every driving manual he could find into his PAK so he had deemed himself a pretty good driver.

"Very well. Zim will use the time not driving to formulate a plan." Zim hopped into the passenger's seat, immediately going to look out of the window as Skoodge started the car/ship. "The Dib human must have found something interesting to call us to him- but since he is stupid it is probably nothing important."

"He's been useful lately. He did lead us to the Syndicate Rangers." Skoodge was a little more willing to give Dib credit. He was obnoxious, sure but he had been key to unveiling a possible plot for high treason from a highly ranked invader. 

"He has some use for the Irken Empire. Once everything is settled and I am back in the good graces of our Tallest, I may convince them to NOT destroy ALL of Earth." Zim was still in denial about his banishment and the realization made Skoodge's cardiac spooch drop a little. "The Membranes can be put in our science department."

"I don't think Dib will enjoy that." Skoodge remarked, having seen the human's opinions on an alien takeover from the Syndicate misunderstanding.

"He'll get over it." Zim shrugged.

There was a bit of silence as Skoodge pulled up the geographical data in his PAK and flawlessly navigated them toward the campus. As they drew close, both Irkens immediately sensed the issue at hand. There were several people running around, all dressed in human disguises complete with matching black suits. The campus had gained quite a number of inhuman visitors. He could see them talking with the actual humans, able to blend in surprisingly well with the natives. Syndicate disguise technology was different than the Irken version, but it was effective.

"This place is swarming with Syndicate scum." Zim made a face. "Where is that filthy human companion of mine? How did he let this happen?"

"Over there!" Skoodge parked the car as he saw Dib and Clark engaged in some sort of conversation outside of the building that Skoodge knew housed the secret Syndicate base. It seemed Clark had just let the persona drop entirely and was wearing the medic uniform they had seen on him in the court room. The high collar, black, military, long sleeved shirt with red accents and the emblem for his position on one arm and the Syndicate on the other.

"So… who exactly do you work for?" One of the human teachers was talking with a Syndicate woman in a suit in front of where Skoodge had parked. He and Zim could hear the two talking as they exited the car.

"The government." The Ranger replied with a smile.

"Which department?" The teacher looked around her in confusion.

"Department of Education. We want to check on the education here. Make sure it is up to code." The human took in the response with a serious nod.

"Yes, all right that makes sense."

"Over here!" Dib interrupted Skoodge's eavesdropping as he waved him over. As the two walked forward, they could see each of the Syndicate infiltrators turn to look at them. One by one their heads snapped in the direction of the Irkens.

"Oh, it's cool, these are the guys who helped us." Clark quickly waved to his fellows and they reluctantly returned to what they were doing.

"I thought you guys would want to see this." Dib gestured around him. "A few showed up yesterday and now they just keep coming."

"They're from a nearby allied planet. Capitol Planet is still too far out to send anyone, officially, but ever since we caught the Invader, our communications have gone back online." Clark explained not seemingly caring about any actual humans that might overhear him.

"I thought you would just leave after this was all said and done." Skoodge admitted.

"This is far from done. But please, come inside. The Captain wants to speak with y'all." Clark gestured for the Irkens to follow him back inside the building that housed the base.

"I thought the accent was fake…" Skoodge had to admit he had assumed it was a part of the persona, given his alleged Texas origins.

"I mean it kinda was but after two years of doing it I'm stuck." Clark laughed. He lead the group back into that little closet off to the side of the busy student building. They waited till not many were looking and went inside. "Disguises off please." Skoodge and Zim both gave heavy sighs but obediently turned off their disguises, as to be polite.

"Why don't you ever take yours off?" Dib looked curiously at his roommate.

"That's not a disguise." Zim interjected before Clark could answer. "He's actually that ugly."

"Afraid so." Clark ignored the insult as he went through the security measures to start the secret elevator into the Syndicate lair down below. "I'm glad you two decided to stop by. The prisoner has been cooperative, but we are decently sure she has no memory of the incident in question so now we are discussing next steps."

"Did you guys kill Tenn?" Zim looked appalled.

"W-what?" Clark looked equally surprised. "N… no she's fine. She's just in a holding cell till we can get everything figured out. W… where did you even get that idea."

"It just seemed like a good chance for revenge." Zim shrugged. "But if you don't want to kill her that's better for her." Clark looked over at Skoodge who simply shook his head. Zim had probably gotten the idea from one of CB's movies, honestly.

"Why did you contact us through the human? Why are you gathering on Earth? This is all getting a little out of hand, isn't it? I thought the Syndicate didn't like to involve themselves in primitive planets?" Skoodge pushed Zim's comment aside in favor of getting more answers. Seeing such an influx of Syndicate was more than just a little alarming.

"Well Dib's the only one with your number." Clark admitted.

"And," Dib quickly cut in, "the Captain has me working as a human-Syndicate liaison. She says she likes my intelligence and persistence."

"So you wouldn't stop asking until she gave you a job?" Zim raised his antenna, knowingly,

"No-"

" **That is correct**." The voice replied from Dib's pocket, cutting off his denial. Zim's eyes narrowed, his antennae lying straight back.

"Mothra damn it! Are you still living in his phone!? You are supposed to be grounded for quintuple forever, CB!"

" **I cannot leave. The human needs me. We are best friends.** "

"We are not best friends." Dib corrected instantly.

"I think we're here." Skoodge spoke up. During the bouts of arguing and banal conversation, they had actually crossed the entirety of the long hallway to the central courtroom. Clark had even opened the door, but everyone was too engaged in their arguments to notice.

"Navigators Skoodge and Zim." The Captain was sitting in the middle of the room in a floating chair. The layout was now entirely different. The looming desks were replaced with one floating chair and floating holographic maps and charts that the Captain was rapidly sifting through, seemingly in search of something important. Conner stood on one side of her, seemingly replacing Ron who had previously been her right hand. "I'm pleased you were able to come on such short notice." She made a sweeping motion with her arms and the screens parted giving her a better view of the two Irkens before her. "I will be honest, things are not looking good."

"There are more Syndicate than we were expecting." Skoodge stood before the others. Dealing with high ranking officials of other Empires was a delicate process, he did not think Zim was ready for that sort of pressure.

"Help from a nearby planet." She waved her hand dismissively. "While the traitor was still in our midst we had no contact with our allies. Now our communications are back online but we are still far away from our main territory so we got who we could get. This is all simple interrogation. Earth is a good, neutral ground for us to use to figure out what exactly is happening between the Empire and the Syndicate."

"You don't feel like this many Syndicate Rangers comes across as threatening?" Skoodge gestured above him to where at least twelve different alien species in black suits were questioning the humans and, presumably, combing through the planet for clues.

"Having an Irken Invader posing as a Syndicate First Officer and stealing a weapon on its way for analysis _is_ _threatening_ , Mister Skoodge. This is simply a way to stand our ground."

"Then why bring us here? Unless you are going to imprison us too? NO ONE IMPRISON'S ZIM!" The shorter Irken bared his teeth aggressively but Skoodge held him back.

"Calm down, Mister Zim." The Captain rubbed the bridge of her nose. "After your help with finding the traitor we consider you both allies. We have no intention of locking you away. We simply brought you here to discuss our next course of action."

"Which is…?" Skoodge did not like where this was going.

"We need to speak with your Tallest. We had Miss Tenn attempt to contact them, however, her communication lines have been cut similar to the way our were prior to her capture." Skoodge and Zim's eyes both widened. It was possible that, like Zim, Tenn had been severed from the Collective. Such a severe punishment being dished out to two different Irkens so closely together was unheard of. Disconnection in general had allegedly not been used since Tallest Miyuki outlawed the punishment when she had first risen to power.

"The Tallest are busy. They don't exactly answer every call." Zim was faltering a bit, Skoodge could tell the reality of the situation was beginning to sink in.

"I am aware, but we are on the brink of an Intergalactic _war_ , Mister Zim. Surely they can find the time to answer our call." The Captain's large blue eyes had narrowed.

"I can try," Skoodge spoke up. "They _might_ answer me." If Zim and Tenn were cut from the Collective, then their calls would probably not even go through. However, Skoodge- despite his size- was an Invader with a respectable record. The Captain nodded.

"Go ahead," She gestured him forward and a panel rose out of the floor. Skoodge hooked his PAK into the panel, sending out a call to the Massive. It went through, but was immediately rejected. Undeterred, he tried again.

Again, he was rejected.

"You're being screened," Zim whispered not-so-quietly to his companion.

"So it would seem." Skoodge frowned. The rejection was quick, even more quick than usual. The Tallest would have had to be at the consol in question to ignore him instantly. It wasn't impossible, but as the Tallest liked to stay on the main deck and have the navigators answer calls- it was unlikely they had the time to ask the Tallest what to do with the call before it was rejected.

It was a bit odd.

"No luck for you guys either. We had the same response and Miss Tenn could not even get through." Conner noted seeing the screen instantly shut off.

"That can't be good." Clark frowned.

"Maybe they know they're caught." Dib looked contemplative. "Looks like they're screening your calls at least."

"Or the calls are being screened." Zim was looking surprisingly focused. "This does not make sense. Our Tallest are very busy, yes, but they would have answered at least one of the calls if they kept coming from the same planet. There has to be something breaking the connection. Our only solution is to go to the Massive and ask."

"I- no. Zim no. That is a terrible idea." Skoodge knew his companion was not thinking straight and his desperation to see other Irkens had to be intense, however, going to the Massive seemed like the last thing they needed to do.

"Could you get us the coordinates to your Massive?" The Captain seemed to actually be considering the terrible plan and Skoodge found his cardiac spooch to be racing.

"Of course!" Zim's antennae wiggle proudly. "Zim always keeps an eye on the massive! Zim is very creepy like that!"

"Hey!That _is_ creepy…" Conner noted a tad concerned, but the Captain seemed willing to ignore Zim's obsessively stalker-ish behavior.

"Then that will be our back up plan. If we cannot get in touch with your Tallest before a proper ship is supplied, we will be flying out to the Massive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot is really on a roll now! Next chapter is going to be loads of fun! I hope you are all excited!


	18. The All Mighty Tallest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names for the All Mighty Tallest came from Killyousall's story A Match Made in Hell 100/10 I highly recommend!!!

“Have you seen Invader Raz?” Red was going through the morning’s work, mostly just following up on progress reports and answering hails from Invaders currently in the field. But as he was running down the list of names, he noticed one had not communicated with him for a little while. “I know she was on leave after conquering Tanzoth but it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” 

No answer. Purple was playing some game on his reader pad that involved bright lights and loud music. 

“Purple, have you seen Raz or not?” Perhaps he had not heard him. “Purple.” Red tried again. “Did you send her anywhere or...?” 

Nothing. He wasn’t even looking up. 

Red cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes a bit, and raising his voice. “THERRON!” 

“Sweet  Mothra , Voel, what do you want!?” Purple finally looked up. 

It had been a while since they had addressed one another by their original names. ‘Red’ and ‘Purple’ were titles, more or less. Names that had been given to them once they became the Tallest. Red had always found them to be a little superficial, but he didn’t really care that much about what he was called so long as  Irkens listened to him. 

“Have you heard anything from Invader Raz?” Now that he finally had his fellow  Tallest’s attention he could get on with his day. 

“I  dunno , maybe.” 

Voel frowned, glaring at his purple companion with a look of annoyance. He never seemed to take things seriously, despite his high position. It was frustrating when things needed to get done- which was more often than Therron had, perhaps, expected when they became Tallest. It wasn’t all fun. “I can’t remember if we reassigned her anywhere.” 

“Why is it important?” Therron finally looked over.

“I haven’t heard from her. And then Sig put in another request for reassignment to the Academy. But we just sent him like three Invaders.” It wasn’t like the Empire was hurting for recruits, and with so many  Irkens under their rule it could be a little difficult to keep track of everyone. Still... it seemed like some of his most favored hadn’t checked in for quite a while. 

“Another one? We have given him like a million Irkens!” Therron finally sat up. 

“I know, but now Jax has been reassigned to running the Elite exams.”

“I thought Zar was running the final exams. She’s been doing it for years.” 

“Yeah I thought that too.” Hearing Therron agree with him,  Voel found his concern a little more validated. “I ran through our past reports with the Academy but all I found was that we approved a brief leave for Zar during our last Probing Day. But her leave was over months ago.” This was all a bit concerning-  Irkens didn’t exactly just walk off their jobs. They were dedicated to their assignments- it was programmed into their PAKs. Even vacations were a rarity. 

“She  came back didn’t she?” Therron began pulling up actual work-related documents on his reader, and  Voel was briefly proud to see the other putting effort into his job. “Yeah, right here, returned on time and was back at work at the end of the week...”

“So where is she now?” 

“For  Mothra’s sake, Red I don’t actually _ know _ .” 

“I... I know that. It was one of those questions you don’t have to answer.”

“Rhetorical?” 

“That’s the word.” Voel folded his arms looking thoughtful. “You’re sure you didn’t throw Raz out of an airlock for insulting your armor or something stupid, right?”

“I might have, that sounds like something I would do.” Despite being Tallest, Therron had always been quick to react without considering consequences of his actions. Not that there were many, given his status, but if he was tossing all the best  Irkens into space, something had to be done. (It wouldn’t kill the  Irkens , but it was a pain in a half to collect them). “But I feel like I haven’t  launched anyone into space in a while... and also: my armor is not stupid.” 

“Noted.” Red sat back in the air, supported by his hover belt. 

“Why don’t we just give Sig someone else for now? I don’t want him to make me run laps like back at school.” 

“We’re Tallest, he can’t do that.” 

“He’d find a way.” Therron retorted a tad bitterly. It seemed as if his old Acadamy days had left a lasting effect on the tall, purple eyed  Irken . Not fixing his laziness, as Sig had probably hoped, but at least there was still a fear of the Instructor instilled in him. It was funny given that Therron, aside from his lack of motivation, had not been one of the  Irkens that was in trouble most frequently.  Voel himself had way more demerits for his behavior back in the day. 

The only who had Voel beat was... 

“Hey... we haven’t gotten a call from  Zim in a while either.” 

“Maybe he’s dead.” Therron was going through a list of active Invaders.  Voel’s crimson eyes narrowed as he glared at his companion. “What?” Feeling the change in  Voel’s attitude, Therron looked up, taking in the annoyance on his co-ruler's face. “We don’t like him, remember?” 

“He was annoying, yes.” 

“And destructive.” 

“And destructive, and sure he poses more of a threat than he does actually aid our cause-  _ BUT _ he was loyal.”

“To a fault.” Therron muttered under his breath. 

“That is true. But loyalty is a very __ _ Irken _ trait.  Zim was a defect, yes, but he is still an  Irken \- not a  _ good _ one- but an  Irken nonetheless. Don’t forget that he made it to Invader status despite how pitifully small he was.”  Zim had many,  _ many _ faults. He was less of a soldier and more of a force of nature that couldn’t be controlled. Back in their school days,  Zim often destroyed half the training ground (unnecessarily) in order to achieve simple assignments. 

“He also more or less caused the deaths of two of our Tallest.” Therron’s voice drew  Voel out of memories of smoking battlefields and the glory of training. 

“ _ Unintentionally _ .”  Voel retorted. 

“Are you  _ defending _ him right now?” Now it was Therron’s turn to narrow his eyes. His antennae lying flat as he gave  Voel a suspicious look. 

“No, no. I’m just saying that it’s not like him not to check in.” He quickly covered for himself.  Zim ... he was something else all right. No  Irken could so perfectly understand the concepts of what it meant to be an  Irken while simultaneously being unable to enact any of those ideals. “We’d know if he was dead. I’m sure the Control Brains would tell us.” 

“Do they keep track of who dies when they’re banished?” Therron widened one eye but kept the other narrowed, skeptically. 

“I don’t know.”  Voel was getting a little annoyed now. “I was just making a point! We haven’t heard from  Zim , that is weird.  Irkens are not reporting to their proper stations. That is also weird. It was a comparison!” He quickly lowered his voice. “C... comparison, that’s the right word, isn’t it?” 

“Yes.” Therron  went back to looking at his reader. 

“I’m not good at the talking with big words thing.” Voel sighed. 

“Eloquence.” 

“Now you’re just showing off.” 

“Hey, what about Invader  Skoodge ? ” For once, Therron ignored  Voel’s obviously annoyed remarks and stayed focused on the task at hand. 

“Who?” 

“Invader Skoodge.” 

“Is he the guy who bought us that kickass  slushie machine?”

“No that was Invader  Grooge . But Invader  Skoodge is also fat- so I can see how you get them confused. But he hasn’t bought us anything, so he’s like a less cool  Grooge .” 

“Oh yeah! No, I think I remember him.” Voel had to think back a bit. Skoodge had been a top Invader not too long ago. But... he hadn’t checked in for a while either. “Didn’t he die? I know we strapped him to the missile but he got better from that... but I feel like he died.” 

“Maybe.” Therron shrugged. “If he did the Control Brains never changed his status in the Collective to deceased.” 

“Oh. Guess he’s not dead.”

“Or they just didn’t care enough to update.” 

“Hmm...”  Voel opened the hatch on his wrist armor, accessing the communicator underneath. “I’ll call him and ask if he’s dead.” He went through his list of Invader’s trying to find the contact link for  Skoodge . If he wasn’t dead, he had better have a good reason for not checking in. Finally finding the correct number,  Voel dialed and the call immediately disconnected. “Ah, he’s probably dead.” He tried again, just to be sure, but again there was a disconnect. 

“That sucks.” Therron shrugged. 

“We’ll have to find someone else.”  Voel was cut off by a knock at the chamber door. This wasn’t uncommon, especially as he and Therron would usually have made some sort of appearance on the bridge of the Massive by this point. 

“One of us should get that.” Therron remarked, looking over at the door. “And not to point out the obvious, but I’m already sitting down.” 

“Fine.”  Voel heaved a sigh standing straight, and floating over to the door, pressing the button to trigger it to slide open. Before him was a Navigator. “Char? What do you need?” 

“S-sorry my Tallest!” She bowed her head instantly, barely able to squeak out her words through her nervous stammering. “But there has been a disturbance on the bridge.”  Voel looked over at Therron, making sure he had heard. 

“Oh? Is that so. Then I suppose we must see to it.” He could hear Therron groaning. “Both of us.” The groaning got louder. “Together.” Finally, the exasperated, purple-eyed  Irken slunk off of his comfy sofa, supported-mostly- by his hover belt.  Voel waited until Therron was mostly upright and the two of them followed the Navigator to the bridge. Instantly upon his  arrival he could see why no one else had stepped in. 

The disturbance, as Char had so nicely put it, was caused by two of the  Irken Elites in training: one male one female both with red, square eyes (the male had a slight dusting of discoloring spots on the center of his face between his eyes), and both exceedingly tall for their age. These were two of Sig’s best, assigned to the Massive to learn from the  Tallest’s own special forces. The female and male were currently wrestling on the ground, knocking over everything around them. Due to their height, none of the Navigators felt confident stepping in- despite technically out-ranking mere students. 

“Vero! Xia!”  Voel’s voice boomed over the sounds of chaotic fighting and the two  Irkens immediately stopped fighting and scurried to their feet. “What are you doing? You were supposed to be  monitoring the bridge, not destroying it.” 

“If you ruined our snack table-” Therron cut off seeing the table disturbed but not destroyed. “You’re both lucky you are tall!”

“My Tallest!” Xia immediately bowed her head in respect as she addressed them. “I am sorry for not defeating my counterpart more swiftly and with fewer damages.” 

“Why were you fighting him to begin with?” Voel folded his arms. 

“Well you see,” Vero held up his arms passively, “what had happened was-” 

“Oh, don’t you start. You were reading when we were supposed to be guarding! We are guards!” Xia hissed, her antennae going flat in anger. 

“I get where you would think that, seeing as how I had my reader out, and there were words on it, at which I was looking. But  _ actually _ , I was guarding.” 

“That is literally the definition of reading!” She shot back angrily. “Give him demerits for reading on the job!” 

“Nah, I was guarding. Give Xia demerits for making up definitions.” 

“You’re both getting demerits.”  Voel took in a deep breath, putting his hand to his face and slowly bringing it down as he let the breath out. “Vero for reading on the job and Xia for initiating a fight that destroyed the bridge.” 

“And the snack table!” Therron interjected helpfully. 

“And the snack table.”  Voel reiterated. 

“What!? But I was only trying to make him focus!” Xia looked horrified by the decision to include her in the punishment. 

“Yes, well you can’t just destroy our stuff. You need to think about consequences. You are both tall, very tall, and there is a good chance that in the highly unlikely scenario that something was to happen to Purple and myself, one or both of you might become the Tallest.” They knew this, they had to know why they would be put on the Massive to train when their classmates were mostly following ground forces working in Impending Doom II. “While we can do whatever we want on Irk, you have to learn to control your temper if you want to keep our alliances.” 

“Alliances make us weak.” Xia grumbled through gritted teeth. 

“ _ Alliances _ ,”  Voel was getting annoyed at having been interrupted and raised his voice slightly, drawing himself up to his full height, leaning over the two trainees, “are important to maintaining the  Irken might. Tallest Miyuki was the first Tallest to establish peace between ourselves and one of our old foes. Before her, we were on the brink of an  all-out war with the Syndicate.”

“Yeah! And wars are way less fun than conquest. Rival empires fight back a whole lot more than the planets we’re taking now. We’d expend lots of resources and then we wouldn’t have enough  moneis to buy all the nice things we have now.” Therron seemed to have more of a grip on the economy than  Voel expected. “And I  _ like _ nice things!” 

“You want Purple to have nice things, don’t you?”  Voel gestured dramatically to his companion. 

“Yes, my Tallest.” Xia bowed her head, respectfully. 

“I want to hear it from both of you.” 

“Yes, my Tallest.” This time both Xia and Vero spoke together, in unison, heads both bowed. Vero’s head popped up and  Voel narrowed his eyes. 

“Vero, repeat what I just said.” 

“ _ What I just said _ .” Vero  parroted . 

“Demerits, double for Vero for being a smartass. AND, you two are on entrance guarding until further notice. You can’t behave  _ on  _ the bridge, then you stand  _ in front _ of it.”  Voel crossed his arms again, his eyes narrowed in anger, antennae pointed back. 

“But that job is so  _ boring _ !” Xia protested. “Can’t you just punish Vero! _ I _ was listening!”

“You were, but I don’t trust Vero not to just let in anyone. So, I’m sorry Xia but it’s both of you. But you can pick first from the snack table when this is over as  compensation . Fair?” 

“ Yes, my Tallest.” She bowed. 

“Now both of you get out of my sight.”  Voel pointed toward the door and the two young trainees scurried off before their Tallest decided on a worse fate. “That was exhausting, I’m going to eat something in my chambers and then return.”  Voel grabbed a bag of chips from the table and tossed it to Therron before taking one for himself and heading back into their chambers. 

“Our poor snacks.” Therron grieved through loud munching, as the door slid shut behind them. “They were so young, so  delicious .”  Voel couldn’t  blame Therron for eating, the taller the  Irken , the higher the metabolism seemed to be as their PAKs required more energy for upkeep. 

“You know when I authorized the  smeetery to use my DNA sequence in their  smeet construction, I didn’t expect the resulting  smeets to be  _ soooooo _ __ intolerable.” 

“In-TALL-erable?” 

“Therron I’m going to punch you.” 

“You know,” he ignored the threat, “I had kind of forgotten Miyuki was the one who started our alliances.” 

“She was, I’ve always admired her style of rule.”  Voel took the opportunity to steal the couch, despite the loud protest from Therron. (They had a second couch but  Voel had taken the purple one, which was Therron’s favorite. “Without her planning and  forethought , we would have gone to war.”

“What is the protocol for war anyway?” Therron managed to get the question out despite the mouthful off food. 

“I don’t know.”  Voel shrugged. “There hasn’t been one in quite some time, never in our lifetime, at least. I assume we would get information from the Control Brains if it came to that.” It was quiet, save for the sound of food being chewed as  Voel started to think back on Tallest Miyuki. Her reign had ended far too soon. 

He lazily, started on his own bag of chips. 

Stupid Zim. He had been somehow involved in that death- but the smaller had insisted that it was an accident. For a long time Voel had believed him- Zim was grossly incompetent, sure, but he had  _ loved _ Miyuki- he had loved all his Tallest. If it were not for the fact that everything  Zim touched seemed to explode- he would have been the perfect  Irken soldier. 

It was funny, part of  Voel still thought  Zim was (at least partially) innocent; despite having seen what the  Irken was capable of when given the right material and motivations. 

What had happened on Vort was something about which  Voel had always been unclear.  Zim had never talked about it much, even to him. It wasn’t until they had peaked into his PAK that they even knew his connection to her death. But that raised more question. 

Given what had happened to Miyuki and especially her successor Spork (who had also fallen inadvertently to  Zim’s incompetence) it was strange that  Zim was still able to accel as an Invader. Surely such a dangerous defect would have made him a target for deletion far before he was brought to trial all those years ago. 

Voel wasn’t sure how long he had been in thought. Therron had finished his snack and was back to playing his game.  Voel pulled out his own reader. As Tallest he had access to all sorts of files deemed classified from the  Irken masses. 

Curiosity had gotten the better of him. 

He opened up the  Irken archives and typed ‘Tallest Miyuki’ into the search bar. Her basic information appeared at the top. He even found some notes of things she had written. It was nice, reading things in her words. The notes  weren't really helpful, just lists of things she had forgotten to get, or days she had meetings... but it was still nice. 

As he scrolled to the bottom, to where the notes about her demise would be written, his reader began freezing up. “Stupid thing-” it was top of the line and had never malfunctioned like this before but- as pixels began popping up and spreading over the screen, the text became impossible to read and the screen eventually went black. 

Annoyed,  Voel went to turn it back on. 

Nothing.

He glowered throwing it against the door causing it to slide open revealing a very frightened looking Char standing in the doorway- hand raised mid knock. “S-sirs!” She yelped her voice trembling as she addressed them. 

“What is it now?” Having his reader break was putting him in a bad mood. 

“Y-you have a guest.” 

“Guest?” Therron  looked up. “We aren’t expecting anyone. Send them away and tell them to make an appointment. You can’t just walk in and see the Tallest! We’re very busy!” 

“I-I-I know that s-sirs. I t-told them. B-but they in-insist on seeing you. Th-they said they tried t-t-to make an a-appointment but couldn’t. I-it ap-p-p-pears to be a s-s-squadron  of S -Syndicate R-Rangers.”

“Well tell them to try harder!” 

“I-I-”

“How did they even get to you? Security should have stopped them at the door.”  Voel got back to his feet (well as much as he could, with the hover belt). 

“Y-yeah...  th -they said Taller V-Vero let them in.” 

Voel heaved a huge sigh. “ Mothra damn it- okay, we’ll be right there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed hearing from the Tallest! Would love to know if you guys enjoyed their characterization!!!!


	19. It's a Road Trip, but in Space

“ **Irken** **Elite squadron to Vort Square four** .” CB instructed as the little piece on the holographic, multi-layer board moved per his instruction. “ **That fells your Massive and destroys your Armada.** ” The tiny pieces on Zim’s side of the board began exploding. “ **That means I claim victory.** ” 

“No no! Zim still has pieces on the board! Your victory is built on lies!” Zim pointed an accusatory finger at the AI sitting across from him. 

“Wait... so is it chess or battleship?” Dib was watching the game from a floating chair in the back, seemingly enthralled by Zim’s genius. 

“I think it’s a fictional game.” Lor (or Clark? Zim was not sure what he was being called now) commented from the floor beside Dib. 

“No, it isn’t. It’s an Irken game!” 

“ **One the Master made up** .” CB added, quite unhelpfully. “ **It fuses five-dimensional chess and Earth battleship with** **Irken** **military jargon. The rules are always changing, but I believe I am getting accustomed to it**.” 

“Silence CB! A new rule has been constructed. The victor MUST be Irken!” Zim tried to distract the AI from his explanations as well create a sure way of winning. 

“ **But I am** **Irken**.” 

“No, you are a computer.” 

“ **An** **_Irken_ ** **computer**.” 

“A _mostly_ Irken computer. It does not count.” Zim was not ready to accept this loss. CB stood up and walked out of the room. Zim, Dib, and Lor looking after him. Zim was briefly annoyed that his AI could not be graceful in its defeat. However, CB returned; his entrance announced with a loud, high pitched, electronic scream as he sat back down, placing GIR in front of him. He leaned over, whispering something to the SIR who listened, tongue out, eyes closed. 

“ **I DO THE VORT THINGY AND MAKE YOUR SHIP EXPLODE**!” He reiterated CB’s battle plan that had bested their Irken boss. Zim’s scarlet eyes narrowed. 

“Well played, CB. Well played.” This was an unexpected turn of events. “Very well, you have earned your prize of getting to keep an eye on GIR for the rest of the trip!” 

“ **But I have been watching him the whole time-** ” CB began to object as GIR grabbed to his solid form (Zim had helped CB fix the body Q had destroyed). 

“ **I WAS THE PRIZE ALL ALONG**!” 

“Well then you should have lost.” Zim retorted with a smirk. In the end, he was still the real winner and that was all that mattered. GIR was rubbing his face against CB’s helmet grabbing onto the synthetic strands of blue hair. 

“ **I thought we were playing to NOT watch GIR** !” CB tried to pry the defective robot off of him. “ **Master please I have been watching him for four months** . I **need some sort of break. He was not even supposed to come on this trip!** ” The Massive was quite a distance from Earth, and even if they had taken an Irken ship (they had not, but Skoodge’s cruiser was in the docking bay of this rather large Syndicate vessel) it would have been several months before reaching their destination. 

“You don’t need breaks,” Zim reminded him, “you’re a robot.” 

“ **I need breaks from** **_him_ **.” CB now had a small stuffed pig balanced precariously on his head and GIR was kicking his feet in laughing fits- still clinging with one arm to CB’s face. 

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t try to take over a Syndicate Star Ship when you are specifically told not to.” Skoodge, who had been quietly observing in the doorway, finally spoke up. Zim had sensed him enter, but was distracted by more urgent matters. 

“ **I wanted to be the space ship. They would not let me. That is not fair.** ” CB huffed. Zim admitted his Control Brain experiment had a very distinct lack of self-control. He had a habit of taking over any technology that was convenient to him. Zim wasn’t sure if this was normal behavior for the Control Brains back on Irk, but he was willing to attribute the desire to CB’s (unsavory) origins as well as just the fact that he was young. 

“It is plenty fair.” Zim wasn’t really sure if it was fair or not but he wanted the argument to be over. “Now take GIR to go... do something not here.” 

“ **I WANNA MAKE TACOS!** ” 

“ **You do not even eat.** ” CB knew that this did not matter as he had pointed it out in the past, and still he got the same reaction where the SIR burst into a high-pitched wail and began flailing on the ground. Zim gave his Control Brain an annoyed look (as did every other organic creature in the room) as CB let out a heavy, defeated sigh. “ **Fine**.” 

“ **YAAAAY IT’S TACO TUESDAY!** ” 

“ **It is Thursday.** ” CB got to his feet and was immediately dragged away by GIR toward the ship cafeteria. 

“ **TAAAAACOOOO TUUUUESDAAAAAAY~** ” 

“I almost feel sorry for him.” Lor looked empathetically after the two robots. “I know he tried to take over our ship but maybe we can let him off the hook.” 

“He’ll be fine.” Zim waved off the concern. His antenna lifted as he felt the vibration of the ship’s overhead paging system activate. It was frustrating to keep in contact on such a large ship. It was not as large or impressive as the Massive, of course. But it was a hefty, multi-level monstrosity with sleeping quarters, a mess hall, a bridge, and even a small prison. 

“Would Dib Membrane report to the bridge?” The Captain’s voice filled the air. Dib looked up. 

“What do they need?” He was quick to respond. (Sure, when the Captain needed him to do something, he was alert and eager- but when Zim wanted things done sudden Dib couldn’t hear him). “Maybe they need something repaired.” 

“Would you know how to do that?” Lor looked a bit skeptical. “I mean the instructions are in Tangean.” 

“I’d figure it out.” Dib shrugged as the two began to head toward the bridge. Zim decided to follow, more out of curiosity than any real desire to help. They had to take a hover pad to the bridge like it was some sort of floating military base rather than a real transportation vessel. As they arrived, the Captain was in her seat, surrounded by various members of the Syndicate. Most were Tangean, the same blue skinned, red headed race as the Captain herself but there were other races scattered throughout. The Romulan (Conrad? Conner? Zim was bad with names overall but it was the one that had burst into his house and demanded they plan a rescue) was standing in as her First Officer now. 

“Mister Membrane,” She looked tired, her index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of her nose as she whirled around in the floating captain’s chair to face the group. “For the love of all in our great Syndicate: PLEASE call your parents.” 

“Wh... what?” Dib looked taken aback by the request. “No way. They’ll be fine. They know I’m doing a study abroad.” 

“They have called our satellite station no fewer than twelve times.” 

“Why though?” 

“I...” the Captain took a deep breath. “I don’t know that. But if you don’t return their calls, I will fail you with such great ferocity that you will be repeating my class until you die.” 

Dib looked unconvinced by her threat. “Do you know how unethical that is?” 

“Do I look like I care?” 

“I...” Dib opened his mouth, surveying the Captain’s expression and posture. “No, not really.” He gave a defeated little shrug. “Fine, I’ll call home.” He pulled out a communicator the Syndicate had given him, one capable of communicating with cellular devices back on Earth. There was a moment before the call was answered by none other than the constantly angry Dib-Sister. 

“Hey nerd.” She didn’t even look up from her game. 

“Gaz! Why the hell are Dad and Moira calling us!? You were supposed to keep them off my back! I’m on a very important space mission for an Intergalactic Government!” Dib launched into a rant, the other human not even acknowledging she had heard him. Zim was never sure why Dib entrusted important missions to the purple haired fiend. They had about the same likelihood of being accomplished as when Zim gave tasks to GIR: only where GIR left things incomplete due to his incompetence; Gaz ignored tasks because of her deep, underlying apathy. 

“Yeah, I thought about doing that for like... a minuet. But then I realized I didn’t care. You have an alibi, use that.” 

“Hey Gaz!” Clark peeked into screen, waving. 

“Hey Dib’s boyfriend.” 

“GAZ!” Dib’s face tuned an odd color. “What do mom and dad want!? What is so important that they are calling a hundred times.” 

“You called her mom.” 

“Fuck- Moira. What do they want?” 

“Don’t be a dick, you used to want dad to take interest in what you did.” 

“That was before everything became top secret!” Dib was getting defensive and Zim was getting bored. “J-just tell me what they want.” 

“Ask them yourself. DIB CALLED!” The sudden increase in volume made everyone on the bridge, save for the Captain, jump. There was a flurry of steps before the image was shifted onto the two scientists that were Dib’s “parents”. The addition of the, tall, slender, red-haired woman to the Membrane house had been more recent. Zim was indifferent to her at first. But her constant activity (coming in and leaving at all hours; somehow convincing the Dib’s father to be home more) had made infiltrating the house more difficult- despite Zim’s superior Irken intellect. 

For that reason, he did not like her. She was also the cause of increased interest and vigilance in regards to the Dib-smelly and his involvement in all of Zim’s plots and plans. If it were not for the fact that humans were innately inferior and, therefore stupid, Zim might have found himself jealous of Dib’s increased bond with his family unit. 

“Junior!” The woman looked relieved. 

“Hello son!” The man’s face was mostly obscured by his coat and goggles, but he seemed excited. “You received our calls at last! How is your study abroad on the moon?” 

“Great. But I told you communications would be limited. You really didn’t need to keep calling.” Dib sighed. 

“Nonsense! We can fix the communications. We can make them better! Your mother has done moon-work before without a problem!” Dr. Membrane looked annoyed by Dib’s suggestion. 

“Wait...” Dib blinked. “What? I thought you were a geneticist.” He gave a skeptical look to the pale faced woman who looked briefly away. 

“It’s... complicated. Look you have been gone for so long and we were worried.” She seemed to be ignoring Dib’s point. 

“Yeah well, it’s a study abroad on the moon. You know, studying stars and space. I _am_ an astrophysics major.” 

“I just feel like there should have been some sort of permission slip or something...” 

“I probably signed one. Who knows?” Surprisingly, Dib’s father interjected his own explanation. “I have so much paperwork and it is all boring and gets in the way of REAL science. So, I get robots to help handle all of that OSHA and liability stuff. BORING! All of it.” 

“You do hate your paperwork.” She chuckled. “Anyway, your father and I sent you a little care package. I just don’t trust you to do that much laundry- I'm sorry Junior but I-” 

Dib cut her off. “I’m sorry what?” 

“I don’t trust you to do laundry. And I know Clark is there- for some... weird reason even though he’s a med student. But I just thought you might want clean clothes.” 

“No no- go back.” Dib shook his head. “Before that.” 

“We sent you a care package...?” Moira repeated herself more slowly. 

“Care-HOW!? I’m on the _moon_.” Dib was not- in fact- on the moon. But the humans did not know this. But the Syndicate had set up a base on the moon for more of an observation area. 

“Nothing is impossible with science, son. We simply sent a robot to bring it to you!” Membrane laughed dismissively. “We wanted to make sure it got there.” There was a moment of silence as everyone in the ship looked at one another in complete bewilderment of what had just transpired. Instantly, Conner ran off, assumedly to make communications with the base. The Captain made a motion for Dib to mute the call. 

“One second, guys.” Dib quickly obeyed looking back at the Captain as the image temporarily froze. “I am _so_ sorry.” 

“Why couldn’t your parents have been dentists!?” She looked frustrated. “Carrius! Do you have communication with the moon base? See if you can have the package transported here. It has no organic material in it- I hope- the long range transporter should work.” 

“Yes Captain!” came the reply from down the hall. 

“I really didn’t think they would do this. I just...” Dib put a hand to his face, dragging it down slowly in exasperation. “Ever since my stepmom showed up in the picture my dad has been a lot more attentive, like he’s trying to make up for lost time or something.” 

“Yes, well, I suppose we should have faked a permission slip. But we were in a rush.” She relaxed back in her chair as Carrius came running back in. He handed Dib a rather large box. Zim could see the increased strength in the Romulan as he handed off a package with ease that made Dib nearly fall over with the weight. Lor simply took it with one hand and placed it at Dib’s feet. 

“Moon base says they are keeping the robot.” Carrius reported. “Apparently it's tranquil and tells jokes.” 

“I’m going to un-pause the call.” Dib cut off the conversation as he allowed the image projected from his communicator to play once more. “It’s here.” He showed the box to his parents who both cheered, most likely excited by the success of their robot. 

“Open it!” Moira urged. “I left you something special.” 

“N... no I’m good. I’ll open it later.” 

“Oh come on Junior I want to see what you think!” She urged. 

“Really, I don’t think-” 

“You should see it son!” His father cut him off this time. With the father’s urging combined with the mother’s insistence, the Dib smelly was forced to open the box. He did so, pulling out a few layers of clothes and then... 

“Mom, what the fuck?” Dib pulled out some sort of... well it looked like a pair of dice. (Zim knew what dice were from the time he and his ugly human companion had joined other flesh-beasts in a game of conquest and strategy. Zim thought the game was stupid as they were fighting ‘imaginary’ monsters and real weapons were ‘uncalled for’ and ‘kind of terrifying). Except, these dice were floating above Dib’s hand, coming apart and piecing themselves back together. 

“Hyperspheres!” Moira looked thrilled. “I borrowed them from a friend- I mean I actually helped invent them with this friend but he was using them pretty much full time. No matter where you toss them, they will return. But be careful, they release a small gravitational charge on impact.” Zim had to admit he wanted these now. 

“I’m sorry, what the fuck kind of friend did you get them from- mom are these _weapons_?” 

“Not by definition no. Their just... gravitational spheres.” 

“ _MOM_!” 

“Well I wanted to make sure you were safe on the moon.” 

“Safe from _what_!? You’re the ones telling me aliens aren’t real science!” 

“Moon monkeys, son.” His dad spoke with the utmost confidence. “Moon monkeys.” 

“...” Dib’s mouth was open but he seemed at an utter loss for words. He simply took a deep breath and placed the spheres gently back in the box. “Thank you.” He said at last. “It was a very thoughtful gift. I appreciate that you were thinking of me.” 

“You called me mom~” the red-haired woman's mis-matched eyes were absolutely shining with happiness. 

“Yeah... guess I did.” Dib rubbed the back of his head. “Thanks guys. I’ll... I’ll call you when we get a chance next. Okay?” 

“We love you, Junior!” 

“Study hard! Learning on the field is the only way to get real experience!” Professor Membrane had an arm around his female companion and the line was disconnected. Dib was looking into the completely stunned face of the Captain. 

“What was that about!?” She insisted. 

“I... I have no idea.” Dib looked at the ground. 

“If I knew your parents could make weapons, I’d have had them arm you from the start.” Surprisingly, she didn’t seem mad. But that was probably because this was a mission to a (probably) dangerous alien warship and not an actual study session on the moon. “I thought it would be weird to ask but... I guess they’re... just weird.” 

“No...” Dib sighed. “They... they are.” He tried to lift the box but was struggling a bit just with the awkward shape and heavier weight. Zim could have assisted, but he didn’t really care about helping. He would have done it to get a hand on those Hyperspheres, but he doubted he’d get away with nabbing them in full view of a Syndicate crew. Fortunately for Dib, Lor leaned down and lifted the box without even slowing down. “If it’s all right with you, I think I’m going to take this and go to sleep for a while. I... I was already tired.” 

“Leave the Hyperspheres.” The Captain stood, going over to the box, she swiped her hand through the solid metal of the crate as if nothing was there, wrapping her hand around the spheres and drawing them out in a swift, fluid motion. Dib’s eyes widened for a moment, but he had seen this ability once or twice before. Zim had seen it a few times over the years. It was the Tangean ghosting power: The ability for a Tangean’s body to permeate solid objects at the Tangean’s discretion. 

It wasn't that impressive. It had limitations- limitations that the Irkens had studied in full. 

“O... kay....?” Dib blinked as the Captain examined the new weapons with interest, her large blue eyes taking in the subtle bounce of their unusual gravitation as they hovered just above her palm. Dib had clearly had enough. “Yeah... I’m out.” 

“I’m tired too.” Lor seconded the need for rest. Zim often forgot that other species required time unconscious to replenish their energy, but it explained the need for sleeping quarters on a Syndicate ship versus an Irken vessel. Sleep was a luxury to his people. It could be done and it felt good to do so. But it wasn’t a necessity. 

“You are both dismissed.” The Captain gestured with her free hand for the two to leave. Zim watched them leave before looking back to the woman in charge. 

“Zim would like to hold the gravity spheres.” 

“Absolutely not.” She spun the chair away from him back to the control panel before her. Zim shrugged. It was worth a shot. He quickly grew weary of watching Syndicate drones pushing buttons and decided to wander off the bridge back into the ship’s underbelly. Skoodge was reading a news article on his reader in the mess hall. Zim decided to sit next to him, looking over to see Irken text reading: _The_ _Allmighty_ _Tallest: Dictators? Or Drones_? 

Zim scoffed in disgust. 

“You’re back.” Skoodge, swiped the article away as Zim made a noise. “How was the affair on the bridge?” 

“Stupid and irrelevant, like everything involving the human.” Zim huffed. “I don’t even know why he’s here.” 

“Well he _is_ a key witness to a possible attempt at intergalactic war.” Skoodge looked oddly amused by the whole situation. “And I’m willing to think you are enjoying his company more than you like to admit.” Zim’s eyes narrowed, he wasn’t about to let Skoodge divert the conversation away from the appalling article that Skoodge had the audacity to download. 

“What were you reading?” 

“Oh, just another Zeke article.” Skoodge didn’t seem to think anything of his actions. 

“You _read_ those? _Willingly_? They’re just sensationalism.” Zim knew he had a tendency to be a bit blind to the political atmosphere of Irk. He was, as all Irkens should be, loyal to his Tallest. However, he had studied the techniques of the Invader just as Skoodge had- despite finding most of them to be too long and tedious. Zim understood that this ‘Zeke’ was creating controversy amongst the Irken populace. He was just surprised Skoodge, of all Irkens, was buying into it. 

“Don’t get your antennae in a twist, Zim. He raises some good points. That’s all.” Skoodge placed a gloved finger on Zim’s forehead, poking him playfully. This just made the smaller Irken more indignant as he crossed his arms. 

“You do not think the Tallest are drones, though.” He gauged Skoodge’s reaction as he spoke but the robust Irken was hard to read. He just shrugged. 

“Things were not great back at home. I know you love Irk- I do too. But you can’t look at everything with rose colored glasses.” 

Zim blinked. “Why would I wear those? My eyes are red. It would be redundant.” 

“It... it’s a human expression...” Skoodge looked a tad perplexed by Zim’s reaction. “Zim, you were on Earth longer than I was, by far. How did you not know that?” 

“Earthlings say a lot of stupid things like that that mean something strange. I just got annoyed and gave up on it.” Much to Zim’s surprise, Skoodge laughed at his response. 

“Yeah it is dumb.” Skoodge admitted. 

“ _Humans_ are dumb.” 

“They are.” Skoodge conceded to Zim’s insistence and it made the ex-Invader feel a little better. “I admire you for putting up with them as long as you have.” 

“Well...” Zim side glanced at his fellow Irken. “It helps to have another Irken around to witness all their stupidity.” 

“Zim...” after a moment of silence, Skoodge spoke again, the smile slightly faded. “Look, are you sure you want to come with us to the actual Massive? You were banished... many, many times, but this last time... I know it’s been hard...” Zim instinctively winced as Skoodge delicately circumvented his disconnection from the Collective. 

“I need to know why.” Zim replied flatly. His PAK was working in overdrive trying to quell in influx of emotions welling up inside him. “They never called me to tell me they were going to do it- just... one moment it’s normal and the next I can’t feel my fellow Irkens.” He had not really talked about it much- not directly at least. Skoodge had been considerate about not asking. “It was complete isolation... you’re the only Irken I know is still alive...” 

“It'll be okay...” Skoodge placed a hand on his shoulder. Though Zim could not sense Skoodge’s feeling through the Collective, he could see genuine concern in his expression and found it comforting. “Maybe... maybe there was a mistake...” 

“Even if there wasn’t; I just want to _know_.” 

“That... that makes a lot of sense.” Skoodge squeezed his shoulder, reassuring the outcast Irken. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.” 

“You had some right to know, I guess.” Zim wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. Honestly, he was just a little numb, talking about the incident in question. “That is why I made CB. I suppose I thought that if he got strong enough, he could overrule the decision and connect me back to everyone. Or... I would make my own Collective. But better.” 

“I would be a part of your Collective.” 

Zim looked up seeing Skoodge looking back to him. There was no sign of teasing or deception in his expression or his voice. The defect felt his cardiac-spooch race a little more. “Yes... well that is a last resort. It would be more work.” 

“Still, I bet you’d have a great Collective.” 

“Well obviously.” Zim waved his hand dismissively. “Zim is amazing and thus a Collective run by Zim would be amazing.” He cleared his throat, the numbness of his isolation melted away by a sudden, flustered feeling. “Where has CB run off to anyway?” Zim hopped to his feet. 

“You left him with GIR...” Skoodge followed suit. “But... be honest with me... do you think he’s actually taken over this ship?” 

“I _told_ him not to.” Zim said firmly. 

“Yeah, but do you think he did it anyway?” 

“Absolutely.” The two were now walking through one of the halls when something caught their eye. Standing in front of one of the doors in all his crimson-stained-colorless glory: was the Parasite. It had taken its bipedal, humanoid form once again. He wasn’t aware of the two Irkens, deeply enthralled by the door before him. Zim immediately recognized the door to be that of the sleeping quarters. 

“Shouldn’t you be in the prison?” It was Skoodge who spoke. Now that the words were out loud, Q realized he was being watched. He looked over. 

“You _should_ be in prison!” Zim reiterated Skoodge’s point when Q said nothing. “What do you have to say for yourself!?” 

Nothing. 

“Huh?” Zim demanded. 

Still nothing. But three of Q’s eyes blinked- not simultaneously. 

“HUH!?” 

“Zim?” Skoodge patted his arm. 

“NOT NOW SKOODGE!” Zim raised up on his PAK legs getting in Q’s face. “ZIM DEMANDS ANSWERS!” 

“Zim you can’t hear him.” Skoodge gently pulled him back. The PAK legs withdrew, back into their metal housing as Zim blinked. “None of us can.” 

“Ah, yes, that’s right.” 

“Come on” Skoodge gestured for Q to follow. “Get back in your cell before we call the Captain and get the security team involved. The Parasite followed, obviously not wanting to risk an altercation with Zim and Skoodge and their superior Irken abilities. 

Skoodge took Q back to the prison barracks and opened the door, gesturing for him to go in. Q shrugged and walked back in. 

“Hi Skoodge! Hi Zim!” A squeaky voice called from inside the cell greeting them both. 

“Hello Tenn.” Skoodge waved as the prisoner Irken poked her head out from behind the wall of her cell where she had been sitting out of view. 

“Do you think we’re almost there?” She placed her gloved hands to the bars. “It is pretty boring in here with only that Parasite.” 

“We visit.” Skoodge protested. 

“You do, but I’m ready to be cleared of all these crazy charges.” She sighed sitting down. 

“Don’t worry Tenn,” Zim dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand. “We will arrive and-” Whatever Zim had been planning to say was irrelevant because at that moment, the ship came to a smooth stop and the lighting swiftly changed to a brilliant white. 

“All crew to bridge, all crew to bridge.” The Captain was on the speakers in a moment. “We have reached our destination.” 

“We will arrive right now. As I said.” Zim puffed out his chest a bit. “Because I’m brilliant.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter for next week is going to be wild so I hope you guys are buckled in. I hope this chapter was fun! We got a little more Zim perspective and wed get to hear from the Membranes! Shout out to the Overwatch fans who understood the moon monkeys joke! The plot is really moving along now!!! 19 chapters in and we are just now sinking our teeth into the main plot!!!!


	20. It's a Tall World After All

"All right crew, this is our moment," Dib watched in awe as the Captain stood before the crew all of whom had gathered on the bridge of the ship (as well as the Irkens and their robot stowaways, but that was not the point). Her voice was clear, precise and commanded even Dib's attention. (Shame her lectures were never this entrancing). "We are just outside of the Massive's radar. Soon we will take a small crew, board the ship, and make our way to the Tallest's chambers and demand answers! We will tell them what we have discovered! We will bring witnesses. And, most importantly, we will tell those assholes if they want a war; then the Syndicate will give one to them!" The cheers that filled the bridge nearly drowned out the quick protests from the chubby Invader in the front. 

"W-wait!" Skoodge quickly elbowed his way to the head of the group. "You're Syndicate! You're supposed to be _peaceful_." 

"We _are_ peaceful, Mister Skoodge. But do not confuse a dislike of fighting to an unwillingness to protect ourselves." The Captain stood tall, hands behind her back as her retort was met with more vigorous cheering from the Syndicate crew. "I am here to see if it is a war your Tallest want and, if it is, I will give them hell." 

Dib could see Zim roll his eyes. "I can see why the Romulan is so trigger-happy. You know for Syndicate Rangers you're awfully shooty." The small ex-Invader came up to barely the Captain's waist, as he struggled to join Skoodge in the front. 

"I've been trapped on a primitive planet for two very long years because of your people's attack, Mister Zim. I have been separated from home. My family. Forced to teach primitive space-math to a bunch of Vogon-brained troglodytes! " The Captain spoke firmly, bending at the waist to get more in the Irken's face. "So forgive me for being _shooty_." She paused, side-glancing to Dib. "Ah yes, no offense about the… troglodyte comment. I mean it respectfully it's just… you don't even have light-travel. But really I loved humans, you were… you were great." 

"Don't lie." Dib frowned. 

"No it's true. I like pizza. You guys should do more with that. It's fantastic." 

"I liked reality TV." Carrius (formerly Conner- Dib was getting better about using their real names. Though, he had yet to figure out the Captain's. Everyone just used her title.) piped up, standing behind the Captain taking notes. 

"Oh yeah! I liked Space drama." Lor added. "You guys have a lot of good entertainment. If we do invite Earth into the Syndicate, I hope they take over the entertainment industry," 

"Hi, yeah- can we focus on you NOT declaring war as soon as you get on the Massive?" Skoodge waved his hand, jumping up to try to get everyone's attention. "I mean I love **_CSI Special Housewives of the Shores of Love_ **too- but we're talking about Irk. Not Earth." 

"My mission is to avoid war, of course." The Captain spoke calmly. "But I want it to be known that if it comes to it, we are willing to fight." She straightened herself back up. "Now, I will bring a small landing party with me to the Massive. If there is war on the horizon, I don't anticipate a warm welcome so stealth will most likely be our best option for securing a meeting. That is why the landing party must stay small: just essentials. That, and we're taking Skoodge's ship. So… not a lot of room." She took a deep breath, surveying the room. "Zim, Skoodge, Dragx, the creepy computer, and myself will go to the Massive." 

" **Wait, am I creepy Computer** ?" CB was holding a wriggling GIR in his arms looking to the Syndicate Rangers around him for answers. " **Does she not know my name**?" 

"Computer!" The Captain pointed toward CB, "You will go in ahead of us." 

" **I have a name** . **We have been together for four months you should know it**." 

"I assume you are constructed to survive in space?" 

"Wait! Why are you not bringing the Kryptonian?" Skoodge interrupted pointing to Lor. "He's way stronger and faster than Dragx." 

"Because Lor is a _doctor_. I need security personnel." She heaved a frustrated sigh. "He can't even shoot a gun." 

"This is true. Failed weapons training twice." Lor confirmed. Dib gave him an amused look trying to remember how he had thought his old roommate was some sort of intergalactic spy. Four months on a ship with him had cleared up Dib's perception quite a bit. 

"Lor," Skoodge tented his fingers together, lowering his hands in Lor's direction. "You can shoot lasers from your face. You do not need a gun." 

"Yeah but that's not really reliab-" Lor was cut off. 

"Look I promise that your skill set will be vital to this mission. I know the Tallest. We'll need invulnerability." Skoodge looked back to the Captain. "The Kryptonian goes." She looked at Lor then at the hulking rock-like man she had originally ordered to go with them. "Look if nothing else Lor is short and kind of scrawny, he'll fit better in my ship." 

"Hey!" 

"Very well." The Captain cut short Lor's protests. "Dragx, stand down, Lor you're on security." 

"Wait, why!?" Lor looked unconvinced. "That weapon Tenn brought was pretty effective against me! I'm not trained for security." 

"The odds of them using that sort of weapon are low since this is the Massive and that gun was specifically designed for terrestrial use. It has a high level of instability and firing it in our pressurized war-ship would be colossally stupid. Plus the rest of your species is pretty much dead so the odds of them having another way to deal with you outside of chucking you into the power core are very low." Skoodge put a hand on Lor's arm, patting him once. 

"What if they throw me into the power core?" 

"Well you'd probably die because it's made of the same stuff as that weapon's battery... so just don't let them do that. Got that?" 

"Not really-" 

"GREAT! Now we leave!" Zim instructed, thrusting his finger in a direction that was definitely not that of Skoodge's cruiser, but no one corrected him. 

"Yes. Now, Computer, we were discussing your part in this." The Captain turned back to CB who looked genuinely offended by her refusal to use his name. (Which technically she was, as Dib knew the 'C' in CB stood for _Computer_. So… technically she was just using his first name.) 

"Wait!" Dib interjected as he realized she was done calling out names. "What about me?" The Captain pinched the bridge of her nose looking annoyed. 

"Yes, Mr. Membrane? What _about_ you?" 

"Why am I not in the landing party? I'm a key witness!" 

"So is Q, and we are not bringing him." The Captain replied pointedly. 

"Yeah but Q sucks." Dib was not about to miss a chance to get aboard the vessel of the Irken Leaders. "Plus, the Tallest know me. They've seen me on Zim's video calls. They like me." 

"Ehhhh…." Zim made a vague gesture with his hand that was not helping Dib's case at all. "They don't _hate_ you, I guess." 

"Exactly! And, I'm good with computers! Even Irken Computers! I once rewired an Irken ship AND reprogrammed its personality!" 

"And how did that go for you?" The Captain raised an eyebrow and Dib was briefly met with memories of the ship trying to throw itself into a trash vortex, that he had to quickly shake off. 

"That's not important. What is important is that I did it!" 

"Yes but we are bringing two actual Irkens _and_ their AI with us. I think we have our computer needs covered." The Captain gestured to Zim, Skoodge, and CB in turn. Dib was entering panic mode. Sure he could wait until the rest of the crew were invited on board, but, then he would miss the entire infiltration mission! 

"Y-yeah but I've infiltrated Zim's base before. So I know all about getting past Irken defenses!" 

"You know who else can do that, the two _Invaders_." The Captain's arms were crossed, eyes narrowed. Dib's mind was in overdrive. The Captain turned away from him, while he was thinking, back to CB. "I want you to go ahead of everyone. We'll be docking in Skoodge's cruiser and we will need to make sure the docking crew do not raise any sort of alarm to the higher decks. You need to be a distraction. I trust you are powerful enough to handle that." 

" **Yes. That is feasible** -" 

"CB! If he's going to be a distraction, we'll need a way to communicate with him! He's in my phone. He talks to me all the time, he..." Dib swallowed his pride, "he's my best friend!" 

"I thought we were best friends…" Lor looked hurt but Dib gave him a quick look that made him temporarily silence. 

"I assume Zim is capable of that." The Captain gestured to the small Irken. 

"Yeah, but… do you really trust _Zim_?" Dib also gestured toward his long-time frienemy. 

"Wait! Hey! Do not insult the amazingness of ZIM!" 

"Oh, that is a good point." The Captain looked contemplative. 

" **I believe my best friend should also go on the trip. We go on dangerous trips a lot and if he is not** **there,** **I will be sad.** " It seemed Dib's little comment had gotten CB to side with him at least. The Captain rubbed her eyes with one hand and shook her head. She looked to Dib and reached into her bag, pulling out the Hyperspheres his father and step-mother had sent. She walked over placing them firmly in Dib's hand as she looked him directly in the eye. 

"You can come, but if you die I'm not liable." 

"Fair enough." Dib closed his hand around the weapons, placing them in the pocket of his cloak. "But I'm not worried." 

"You should be." She looked him up and down, those pale blue eyes sizing him up. "I don't think a human should be going on this mission. You don't have a lot of durability or endurance. But you are persistent, and I don't even think Lor should be going, but here we are. So do me a favor and if you have to die, don't traumatize my medic. Oh and you’ll need this,” she pinned something metallic and glowing to the center of Dib’s shirt, “hit that button in the center and a space suit that supplies oxygen will appear around you. It’s a safety precaution." 

"I won't die." He gave her an annoyed look. It seemed the overall opinion of humans on the ship wasn't great. He couldn't believe CB was his only way into the landing party. The Captain ignored the dirty look he was giving her and turned back to CB. 

"So that distraction, do you think you can get the Irkens in the landing bay off our trail." 

" **Oh yes, absolutely** ." CB seemed surprisingly willing to help given how he typically was more irritable. Dib wondered vaguely if it was because the AI was being given its own task without someone holding it back. (He also wondered if, given the only time in human history they had allowed for that freedom, this was a good idea. But CB was Irken, perhaps that was different enough. Still, Dib didn't like the idea. It left him with a bit of uneasiness.) " **It will not take much time to cause a proper distraction. I assume we are not aiming to cause casualties**." 

“Yes, please don’t kill the Irkens. We probably went to the Academy with some of them.” Zim ordered quickly. 

“ **This will complicate my plan.** ” CB frowned, looking deep in thought. He was quiet a moment, Dib tilted his head to the side as he saw the lights on CB’s helmet pulsing gently. “ **I can work within the parameters provided. You may head to your vessel. I will leave immediately.** ” 

“What was with the pause?” Skoodge had his eyes narrowed. It may have just been in Dib’s imagination, but Skoodge looked a tad suspicious of the android. 

“ **I was analyzing. I must leave now to assure the greatest probability of success**.” 

“Wait what w-” Skoodge sighed as CB ran off without another word. “I don’t like that he won’t tell us his plan, Zim.” 

“CB is an AI of action, not of words!” Zim did not seem to share Skoodge’s concern, but rather looked proud. “He takes after me that way.” 

“Let’s get to the cruiser,” the Captain interjected herself into the conversation as she pushed forward. “We will have quite the task ahead of us. With the addition of Dib we’ll have a bit more difficulty fitting everyone.” 

“We can make it work.” Lor replied optimistically as they headed to their own docking area. The Voot cruiser looked a lot smaller than Dib recalled. He had fit with ease, with Gaz, in Tak’s ship back in the day... then again... he had been twelve and not 6’2”. He looked around at the others. At least Lor was kind of short and thin... and both Irkens were small, but the Captain... she was his height if not a bit taller. He could see the issue. 

It took... considerable effort for all five of them to fit in a ship meant for just Skoodge and his SIR. (Dib wasn’t sure whether Skoodge had even brought his SIR to Earth, he’d never once seen it, but he had heard it mentioned once or twice.) 

“Can you please try to move your leg?” Lor was in the middle, driver’s seat, half sitting on Dib’s knee as he was squished off to the left side with the Captain mirroring him on the right both of them having to put their limbs wherever they would fit. 

“I really can’t.” Dib looked apologetically to him. 

“I don’t see the issue.You’re Tangean,” Zim (who was sitting on Skoodge, who was sitting on Lor) looked back at the Captain, “why not just ghost yourself into a more comfortable position?” It was such an obvious solution. 

“Because if I make myself intangible, I might fall out of the ship.” The Captain retorted bitterly. 

“Zim doesn’t see the big deal, it is not so uncomfortable.” The smallest member of the ship sure had the biggest mouth. Dib glared at his old rival. 

“That’s because you’re up front because you just _haaaad_ to drive.” Dib shot back. He saw the Captain’s hand ghost through both Lor and Skoodge’s bodies in order to flick Zim on the back of his head. Dib didn’t stop her, feeling this was justified as Zim made a noise of protest. 

“You just said-” 

“We hadn’t taken off yet.” She looked smugly at the former Invader as she drew her hand out of the other two passengers and put it back where it was. Lor and Skoodge both shivered as she moved through them. 

“Ugh,” Lor made a face, “that feels so... _weird_ every time.” 

“You’ll be fine, doctor.” The Captain seemed unempathetic. Dib had to admit, it was weird to hear his roommate called ‘Doctor’ so frequently now. No matter how many times he saw Lor working on the ships medical bay, he still thought of him as his roommate who had trouble working the thermostat and had to get Dib to help him. 

Skoodge’s ship blinked for a moment, the clear glass shield in the front illuminating quite suddenly with the message: Incoming Transmission. Zim eagerly pressed the button to accept and the single blue eye-like light, that Dib knew to be CB, appeared on the screen. 

“ **Mission complete: I have secured the docking bay**.” The little blue light pulsed with every word spoken. 

“Why does he have access to directly transmit to my cruiser?” Skoodge craned to look at Zim in front of him. 

“Great work my minion! We are on our way!” Zim began to start the ship. 

“Did you give him my direct frequency?” 

“ **Affirmative.** ” 

“Or the security clearance? This is supposed to be a confidential line.” Skoodge’s barrage of questions was getting entirely ignored as the screen disconnected from CB and Zim began to lift off. Dib was relieved to be on the way because his legs were starting to cramp. 

The ship shuttered for a moment before lurching forward. Surprisingly, the transition into the vast, void of space was smooth. Dib had anticipated Zim to be a far worse pilot. Before them, Dib could see the outline of a large, maroon, starship adorned with a colorful version of the Irken Emblem- this one sporting a wide, surprisingly threatening smile. The Massive truly lived up to its name, Dib felt painfully small in comparison to the awe-inspiring testament to the technological superiority of the Irkens. He even saw the Captain’s eyes widen as she took in its form. 

They swooped downward toward one of the lower aspects of the ship, as they approached, a door light flashed blue and the door lowered itself, engulfing the tiny cruiser. Once it was closed, there was a pleasant ‘ding’ and the ship doors opened letting Dib and the Captain free. Dib fell gracelessly on his face looking over to see the Captain had apparently just ghosted herself out, standing as tall and refined as ever. Zim hopped off of Skoodge, who hopped off of Lor and all three of them disembarked into what could only be described as utter chaos. 

Lights were flashing, Irkens in uniforms were running past the ship and the new arrivals completely oblivious to their entrance. It also appeared half of the docking area was currently on fire. Dib was at a loss as CB’s android form emerged from the smoke, arms behind his back as he stood like a soldier greeting the rest of his troop. 

“ **To reach the Tallest, you must head up and to the right.** ” He gestured to a door and it flashed blue and opened for them. 

“What in Mothra’s name did you do!?” Skoodge looked around with a mix of awe and complete horror as he surveyed the destruction. 

“ **Very little. I simply did my duties.** ” As if on cue, a high pitched, tinny scream reverberated through the chamber as GIR ran by holding a laser that Dib assumed belonged to one of the guards. The Irkens seemed incapable of stopping him. “ **I also cut all communication to the exterior decks. But you should be swift... this is more difficult than I anticipated**.” Dib blinked, something seemed off to him about that last line. It looked for a second like CB had faltered, an unnatural pause more like a computer glitching than a human thinking. But that may have all been in his head. 

“Let’s move.” The Captain didn’t seem offput by CB’s momentary hesitation and instead made a dash for the door. The Irkens followed suit. Lor only realized where they were going a moment later but in a flash was through the door and Dib became painfully aware that he was the physically weakest of the group despite his genetic modifications from being cloned. 

“The lobby should be ahead of us.” Skoodge used his PAK legs to scurry to the front of the group as they headed up a rather long ramp. “In there should be the Tallest’s Chief of Agenda. That is who you have to get through to meet them.” 

“Do you know the Irken who has the position currently?” The Captain asked. 

“Ugh I hope not.” Zim made a face. “The Irken who held the title the last time I needed a meeting was this absolutely awful former Elite. She had no respect for ZIM!” Zim puffed his chest a tad indignantly as he recollected the incident in question. 

“So all we need to do is talk to the Irken and we’ll be good to see your leaders?” The Captain spoke easily, not sounding at all winded despite the fact that they were all running up the steep metal ramp. the thudding of Syndicate standard-issue boots combined with the clicking of PAK legs on the metallic, tiles was making Dib’s head spin just a bit- though that could also be due to the air in the Massive. Dib really should have checked the oxygen levels before deciding to run a mini-marathon. 

“Well, in theory.” Skoodge seemed less sure of the plan. Up ahead, they could see a door. It was looming, a sheen silver color decorated with the same emblem. It slid open as they drew close into a silver room with the same maroon walls as the Massive’s exterior. There were screens with the logo and Irken writing scrolling underneath. Before them, a single Irken sat at a semi-circular desk, typing away on a holographic screen. The Irken did not bother looking up as they came in, but Dib happened to look over just in time to see Zim wince. 

“Oh great, Sym.” Zim grumbled nearly inaudibly. The Irken at the desk raised one of her curled antenna and her large brown eyes glanced over at the group. She opened her mouth and a serious of hissing and chirping sounds tumbled out. 

Dib blinked. “What?” 

“Analyzed: ‘What’.” A female voice, now speaking English replaced the hissing sounds. “Is this language understandable?” 

“Oh... um...” Dib had not expected her voice to change to something so human. “Yeah. Thanks.” She was no longer looking at them. 

“State your name and business.” 

“Allison Rose, Captain of the G.S.T. Nova. I am here on behalf of the Galactic Syndicate to speak to your Tallest about a recent break in our treaty.” The Captain spoke with authority, standing up to her full height, but the gesture was wasted as the Irken continued to look at her screen. 

“Do you have an appointment?” 

“No. Contact was cut-” 

“You need an appointment to see the Tallest.” The Irken, Sym, did not let the Captain even finish her explanation. 

“Yes, but we could not make one because your communications are down.” The Captain narrowed her eyes, speaking a little more severely. 

“We made communications with Foodcourtia this afternoon. If you are unable to connect to the Massive then the error sounds like it is likely on your end.” 

“It’s not.” The Captain was clenching her jaw, trying to maintain a smile despite the fact that Dib could see the anger rising behind those pupil-less blue eyes. “We were able to reach Capitol Planet using our communication systems so-” 

“This sounds like it is more of _your_ problem.” The Irken finally looked up, her round eyes narrowed in an annoyed expression. She instantly looked back down. “No appointment, no Tallest. Thank you and please don’t come again.” The Captain had about as much of the Irken woman’s attitude as she was willing to take and in a quick, fluid motion she slammed both her hands on the silver desk loud enough that the SMACK reverberated around the little room. Sym did not even flinch at the noise, only pausing her typing long enough to give an annoyed little sigh. 

“Listen here, this is a matter of Intergalactic urgency!” The Captain leaned forward. “Our Empires stand at the brink of an all-out war and your Tallest need to answer some questions.” 

“Oh my!” The Irken brought a gloved hand to her mouth looking taken-aback. “That is serious!” She stood and Dib had to do a double take. He had seen Zim and Skoodge and had assumed that the Irkens all hovered around the same height, but this Irken was shockingly _tall_. She was more slender, elegant than Dib was accustomed to seeing, she had to be about six feet, and rather than the red and pink overcoat over the black body suit that both Zim and Skoodge wore, this Irken was dressed in more flowing robes of bright blues and golds. “I suppose I should have let you finish.” She swept past the group with enchanting fluidity as she walked over to a series of switches on the wall. “Let me rout you to our Tallest.” She pressed a switch and the floor beneath the group gave way causing everyone to fall down a long drop below. 

Well... almost everyone. 

The Irken cleared her throat, looking down at the open floor then at Lor who was floating above the pit, looking down as well. Lor blinked. 

“Oh, did you want me... in the...” he trailed off as he met her stern gaze. “Right...” 

Dib saw Lor fly down to join them as the ceiling closed up and they found themselves in a small room filled with chairs. “Lor, did you seriously just follow us down here?” The Captain looked annoyed as Lor landed back on the ground. 

“She seemed like she wanted me to go with you and I didn’t want to get separated from the group.” Lor replied earnestly. Dib and the Captain both sighed in unison. “So, what is this place?” He ignored the obvious annoyance from the others as he sat in one of the provided chairs. 

“I suppose we should ask our _Irkens_.” The Captain looked to Zim and Skoodge who had caught themselves with their PAK legs on the wall and were only just now getting to the bottom of the drop. Skoodge looked equally perplexed. 

“I’ve never seen this place before.” He shook his head. 

“Are you ready:” A deep voice overhead projected into the room. “To meet....” The voice was using English, which Dib was both confused by, and grateful for. “YOUR TALLEST!!!!?? Take your seats and the orientation will begin.” 

“Oh, it seems this is not some sort of trap...” The Captain took a very hesitant seat. 

“ZIM WANTS FRONT SEAT!” Zim jumped into the front row, Skoodge taking the seat beside him. Lor took a seat toward the back and Dib decided going next to the guy who could fly was probably in his best interest. As soon as they were seated, the lights in the room dimmed and the wall in front of them illuminated with an image of an Irken in very regal looking attire. 

“So, you are here to see the Tallest!?” The Irken on the screen spoke with the same authoritative voice as the previous recording. Dib was a little surprised by the variation in Irken clothing. Seeing as he had only really seen the Invader outfit on Zim, Skoodge, and Tenn and the Tallest armor (at least he assumed the outfits Red and Purple wore were specific to the Tallest) he had just assumed all Irkens had the same clothing. The figure on the screen made a deep bow. 

“WELL YOU CAN’T!” At full volume, the Purple armored Tallest announced himself, swooping in and knocking the announcer-Irken to the side. “We’re busy and you don’t have an appointment; next time try being important.” 

“Oh, this is just _delightful_.” The Captain looked ready to murder someone. 

“We know how much you wanted to see us,” the recording continued seamlessly, “because we are just the greatest thing since Mothra herself. Aren’t we amazing?” at this point the purple leader reached off screen dragging the red one into the frame as well. 

“Of course we’re amazing.” The red guy looked a tad annoyed. “That goes without saying.” 

“It’s too bad you didn’t make an appointment to see us! You got so close!” The purple Irken feigned a look of dismay. “You poor pitiful Irkens, or whatever else you are.” 

“You should have made an appointment.” The tall red-armored Irken confirmed, nodding seriously. “We're too busy to be interrupted.” 

“Yeah! We have lots of duties! Like eating, and sleeping, and being adored, and...” Purple was counting on his fingers (he only had three so, really, he had listed enough tasks for one hand- though none of them were really urgent) but trailed off trying to think of more aspects of the Tallest’s daily routine. He looked over to his co-leader who sighed. 

“And going over mission logs, leading the Massive, and making big... plans for military... stuff...” this time the red one looked to his purple companion. 

“Strategizing military operations?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” 

“Ah!” Dib let out a yelp as the floor shifted beneath him and restraints popped out from under the chairs, latching everyone into their seat. The Captain easily phased out of her own but stayed sitting as the screen opened up to reveal a little pathway. 

“Wait, it’s a ride? I thought it was just a movie.” Lor probably could also have escaped his restraints, but for the moment he seemed content to just see where this was going. 

“And you are both absolutely certain you have no idea what this is about?” The Captain shot the two Irkens in the front row a dirty look. Skoodge looked embarrassed as he had his head in both his hands, covering his face, his antennae both tilted forward. Zim seemed to honestly be enjoying himself, swinging his legs like a child on a rollercoaster, his antennae up and tilted slightly back, as the ride began sliding down the hall. 

“This is new to us.” Skoodge assured her. “But it has Tallest Purple written all over it.” He looked up for a moment. “Quite literally, he autographed it.” He pointed to some Irken writing on the ceiling. He put his head back down. 

“Hey! You! Pay attention!” The voice of the purple leader made everyone jump. The Captain had a gun pulled out, pointed at the screen. 

“I thought this was prerecorded.” The Captain demanded answers from the screen, her gun raised. 

“This is a recording.” The recording of the purple Irken replied as if on cue. “However, our trial runs have shown this is when Irkens start talking and you shouldn’t be talking. You should be focused on us. Always.” He looked pleased with himself. As the ride moved on, the projection of the Tallest continued to play on a screen that floated continuously in front of the seats. Dib blinked as suddenly he heard faint music accompanied by the strange hissing sounds that Dib was beginning to realize was Irken being spoken out loud. It was weird, rhythmic hissing that vaguely reminded him of a ride he once went on with his father and sister when he was very young. (He didn’t remember the trip itself as it had been a long time ago, but the tone and tempo was so similar, Dib wondered if the Irkens had somehow heard the tune and adopted it, or if it was such an obnoxious melody it actually transcended time and space.) On either side Dib began to see little animatronic Irkens waving and dancing and singing. Skoodge had his hands over his head, Zim was bouncing his head along with the melody. Lor and the Captain were just staring at each other at a loss. 

And just as Dib assumed he was going to be spared the actual ear-worm of a song in a language he understood: the song repeated in English. 

_Your Tallest are here_

_They’re just so supreme_

_And we know seeing them_

_Is a_ _smaller’s_ _dream_

_But you can’t_

_Cause you’re short_

_Or perhaps_

_You’re a Vort_

_It’s a tall world after all._

_It's a tall world after all_   
_It's a tall world after all_   
_It's a tall world after all_   
_It's a tall, tall world_

_To see Purple and Red_

_Is truly sublime_

_But alas you’re too lame_

_So_ _don’t suck next time_

_Hope you had_

_A good trip_

_Now get the fuck_

_Off our ship_

_It’s a tall world after all._

As the little Irken voices launched into the refrain again, Dib was strongly considering jumping off of the moving platform and risking the fall into the empty pit that seemed to be beneath them. Skoodge finally looked up: “This is where our tax dollars are going. This.” 

“I like it, it’s catchy.” Zim replied as-a-matter-of-factly. 

“Thank you for trying to see us today you needy peons!” The screen began to lift but they could still hear the voice of the purple Irken leader. “Please enjoy a commemorative photo!” There was a flash of light and one of the animatronic Irkens handed a printed photo to Dib who just happened to be in the correct seat. The various expressions were actually a little funny, and there was some Irken writing on the bottom. “Now get out! I don’t even want my recorded self to look at you any longer!” 

The restraints retracted and in a fluid motion the floating platform tilted forward with great force laughing the group into a tunnel. Lor reached over, grabbing Dib, hitting the button on his chest that activated a space suit to surround him as the group were sucked through the tunnel toward the void of space. Lor managed to grab the top of the tunnel, digging his hands into the metal as he caught Dib with one arm and the Captain with the other. He braced himself as Skoodge and Zim both crashed into his chest. Skoodge and Zim both extended their PAK legs to try to ease the weight off of Lor as he held for a few heart-pounding seconds before the doors at the end of the tunnel slid shut. 

All at once everyone crashed onto the ground. Dib found himself gasping for air despite have plenty provided in the space suit the Captain had given him. The Captain was also suited up as she got to her knees, strands of red hair falling out of her tight ponytail. She looked around as she got to her feet. “Is everyone all right?” Her voice sounded a tad synthetic and Dib realized he was hearing it over a small transmitter in the seat. Lor, Zim, and Skoodge looked at one another before nodding. 

“I’m fine but, how do we get out of here...?” Dib looked around. He wasn’t sure if, even after the door closed, there was breathable air in the tunnel so he kept the suit on. 

“We can’t go back the way we came...” Skoodge gestured to the sealed off opposite end of the tunnel, now quite a ways above them. “That’s bound to trigger every alarm we have.” 

“There might be another entrance.” Zim sat down looking contemplative. “Those singing robots probably require some maintenance, so there must be a door for the staff.” Everyone gave the small ex-Invader a surprised look. Zim blinked. “Zim considered a similar structure for when Earth was under Irken rule.” He explained with a shrug. 

“I could see if we can hack into the Massive’s current blueprints. Gaz is still back home with Tak’s ship. She may be able to pull up something.” Dib was ready to prove his use on this mission. The Captain gave a nod, looking a tad impressed. 

“Go ahead, contact her.” 

Dib pulled out his phone, which was in the suit as well, so he had to draw his arms back inside to operate it. He dialed his home number and prayed to whatever deity was listening that his father and step-mother were preoccupied. Fortunately, the screen flickered on to a half-interest Gaz already sitting in the seat of Tak’s ship. “Gaz I need you to...” the recognition of where she was sitting finally set in. Dib opened his mouth and closed it again, puzzled by her location. 

“You want me to give you blueprints to the updated Massive.” She was already typing on the Irken keyboard, faster than even Dib himself. 

“Y-yeah but... no offense, how did you know?” Dib was at a loss for an explanation. His sister was intuitive, yes, and brilliant just as any Membrane was- but she wasn’t psychic. 

Gaz let out a slow, long, arduous sigh. “CB told me, if you must know.” 

“O...kay...” Dib drew out the word as he tried to piece together this new bit of information. “There are a few issues with that. One being how does he know what we need, and another being how in the fuck did he tell you?” 

“ **I can be in more than one location at one time**.” Dib’s phone spoke up in CB’s voice and Dib nearly dropped it in surprise. 

“Yeah he’s been helping the connection for all of our calls,” Gaz didn’t seem at all alarmed by this very creepy revelation. “I used your charger in your room and ever since then he’s been hanging out in my phone too. He games with me sometimes. I kicked his ass.” 

“ **It was a close game**.” 

“It wasn’t. You just kept trying to cheat.” 

“ **It’s not cheating if I am a computer and** **therefore** **have perfect aim.** ” 

“And Tak’s ship is okay with you looking stuff up?” Tak’s ship, overall, did seem to like Gaz more than it liked him- but it had never been the most helpful. 

“She’ll pretty much do whatever so long as I threaten to let you sit in her cockpit again- or plug up CB to her. She doesn’t like him at all.” 

“ **She does not.** ” CB confirmed. 

“ **Creepy little program sticks its data where it does not belong**!” Tak’s ship finally spoke on its own accord. Gaz seemed more or less unaffected by the arguing around her, continuing to type as the ship shuttered in angry protest. 

“ **Well you are obsolete. See I can be insulting too**.” CB retorted indignantly. 

“Can the robots please shut up so your sister can focus!?” The Captain looked about ready to snap as she made a frustrated gesture in Dib’s direction. (Dib was hoping this frustration was at CB and not at himself seeing as how _he_ was helping). 

“Okay I got it.” After a moment of silence, punctuated only by the sound of typing from Gaz, Dib’s sister looked triumphant. “There is a small maintenance hatch on the left side of the tunnel about 7 meters back. I can send the picture to your phone.” 

“That’d be great.” There was a happy little ‘ _Ding_ ’ and the message icon appeared. Dib pressed the button and pulled up a rough, sketchy blueprint. Dib started to move. There was some gravity, but not a lot as he tried to get toward the little door. He didn’t really see anything but a little knocking suggested a hollow portion just beneath his hand. Skoodge scurried over nudging Dib out of the way. One of his PAK legs retracted and re-emerged with a small tool that he used to wiggle open a small panel. Dib made a face- that was going to be a tight squeeze- especially for the Captain and himself. 

“See, I told you.” Zim hopped in first, followed by Skoodge, Lor, Dib, and finally the Captain. Dib had to army crawl on his elbows, dragging himself through the compact little vent, all while trying not to drop the phone as Gaz sent him his next destination. 

“You want the tunnel to your right. It should have a vertical slant.” Sure enough, there was a split in the tunnel and the group took the path to right. The path began to slant steeply upward and Dib found himself struggling just a bit to make the climb (and trying his best to avoid kicking the Captain in the head). Once in a while he would have to grab Lor’s foot to try and hoist himself up. It took a lot of direction, there were far more twists and turns than Dib expected, but finally they reached their destination. “This should be that main lobby area again. Just try not to get thrown back in the pit like a dumbass.” 

“Thanks Gaz.” Dib let out a relieved breath. 

“Yeah well, if you died it would upset dad and mom.” Gaz smirked. “I’ll be here when you inevitably mess up again.” 

“Thanks...” Dib narrowed his eyes as the call ended. Zim kicked a small hatch and the group came tumbling out of the vent onto the floor in front of Sym. The brown-eyed Irken woman surveyed them with a look of disgust. 

“You’re back.” 

“We are! Because we are unstoppable! You cannot throw me out into space! I am Z-” As Zim hopped to his feet and declared his victory, Skoodge leapt from the floor to cover the smaller Irken’s mouth with his hand. It seemed the action gave Sym pause as she looked the tiny, ex-invader up and down. 

“Wait, you’re not Irken Defect, _Zim_ , are you?” She looked as if she had stepped in something incredibly gross as her whole body withdrew. 

“Oh no,” surprisingly, it was Lor that jumped in. “This is Zod, he’s a fry cook.” Skoodge slowly turned his head, looking at Lor. 

“Where did you get that name?” he asked in a lowered voice. 

“I dunno, just came up with it.” Lor shrugged. Skoodge lifted a finger, opening his mouth and then shutting it again, shaking his head. 

“That’s a lot to unpack right there, and we don’t have time to do that.” He looked back to Sym, straightening up as much as he could. “Zod is with me, I’m Irken Invader Skoodge.” That got her attention, she brought a hand up to her mouth, thoughtfully scrutinizing the stout Invader. 

“Interesting...” She sat back at her little desk. “But also impossible.” 

“Excuse me?” Skoodge lifted an antenna. 

“Impossible. We just got notice that Invader Skoodge is dead.” 

“What!? I’m not dead!” Skoodge protested. “I’m standing _right fucking here_! Scan my PAK.” He turned around and the Irken woman stood back up, practically gliding over to them, placing a hand against his PAK. Her eyes went blank for a moment and she pulled back. 

“Yes... Well... I’m sorry I can’t let a dead Irken back to see the Tallest. Especially not without an appointment.” She crossed her arms. 

“I’m not _dead_ ! I’m right _here_!” 

“This is a matter of Intergalactic Importance! Can you not just press the button and open the fucking door!?” The Captain looked as frustrated as Skoodge. 

“The Tallest are incredibly busy. No one just goes through that door. They are busy with matters far more delicate than the Syndicate.” As she spoke, the door to the lower decks swished opened and another Irken walked in holding several large boxes. 

“Pizza.” The Irken peeked out from behind the stack taller than he was. 

“Oh, yes, right this way.” Sym immediately abandoned the conversation with the Syndicate landing party and went back to her desk. She pressed a button and the doors behind her with the smiling logo slid open. The Irken with the pizza boxes began to hurry through. The doors began to shut but stopped. 

“Hey, guys.” Lor had his foot in the door. 

“You! Stop that!” Sym realized what was happening as everyone hurried through the door. “You aren’t supposed to- ugh.” She looked for a moment, as if she was thinking about following but shrugged, sitting back down. “I’m not paid enough to deal with this.” 

They hurried along behind the Pizza guy to a new door, this one even larger and more ornate than the first, blocked by to very tall Irkens in matching black armor. “HAULT!” The first Irken to speak was female, holding her weapon forward; she held everyone at bay. “Identify yourselves!” 

“Are you with the pizza guy?” The second Irken was male, he seemed bemused by the situation unfolding before him looking at the group without batting an eye. 

“W-what? Vero no.” The female Irken turned to look at him with deep annoyance in her expression, her long, swooping, curled antennae lying flat back. Her teeth were bared aggressively, her stance looked ready to pounce. “They are clearly intruders.” 

“I dunno, they could be with the pizza guy.” The male shrugged, leaning back against the wall, barely bothering to hold his spear like weapon. 

“Why would the pizza guy have a Tangean, two Irkens, a...” she looked at Dib and Lor. “And whatever the fuck these hideous things are supposed to be?” She narrowed her eyes, clearly analyzing them. “A human... and a Kryptonian? How are you different species you look practically the same!?” 

“Yeah...” Lor shrugged. 

“Look Xia, I dunno how pizza guys are operating now a day. Maybe they’re here to like act as security. You know, from pizza bandits.” The Irken called Vero seemed remarkably willing to help their cause- or maybe he was just stupid. 

“That’s not a thing. You just made that up.” 

“Nuh uh, it could be a thing.” 

The Captain cleared her throat, drawing herself to her full height as she pressed the button to retract her space suit. “Pizza security. We have reason to believehthe pizza may be in danger.” Dib took the opportunity to also remove his own suit. 

“Oh shit, see?” 

“They're bluffing, Vero.” The female Irken looked unconvinced. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, is this a fucking joke to you?” Dib was caught off guard by the sudden abrasive stance the Captain was taking. Perhaps she was channeling just how fed up she was with this whole scenario into her impromptu performance. Even the Irken guards seemed taken aback. “Is the wellbeing of a pizza ordered especially for _your_ Tallest a joke?” 

“I... well... no...” Xia’s hesitation seemed to stem more from confusion than intimidation. Skoodge nodded along seriously. 

“We have it on good authority that Zeke is planning an attack on this very pizza.” He spoke calmly, without missing a single beat. 

“Zeke!?” Xia’s antennae stood up. 

“The plot thickens.” Vero, on the other hand, was leaning on his pole-arm only looking mildly invested in the exchange taking place. “Well I don’t wanna get in trouble for letting a pizza get ruined.” 

“This still sounds suspicious...” The story had at least gotten Xia to somewhat consider letting them through. “Why would Zeke want to go after a pizza? And why would a group on non-Irkens be the best to stop him? They’re so... gross... and- HEY!” The door behind the two Irken guards slid open. “Mothra damn it Vero you can’t just go letting people in!” 

Dib didn’t get to hear the rest of the conversation as the Captain grabbed his arm and hurried through the door before Xia was able to close it again. On the other side was a room Dib had only seen in parts. It was the bridge of the Massive, and the many Irkens that surrounded them were all staring in their direction. A single Irken jumped up and ran off. 

“We’re here to see your Tallest.” The Captain walked into the center of the room. All around her eyes of various shapes and colors were following her every move. “And we won’t be leaving until we have spoken with them, in person.” 

“Is that so?” The deeper voice of the red-armored Tallest filled the room and Dib found himself a bit floored by just how tall the two really were. They emerged from a door on the other side of the room and Dib’s eyes widened. They had to be roughly seven feet. Their forms surprisingly slender, agile, and sleek looking. As the red one puffed out his chest and bared his teeth in a grimace, Dib was taken aback by how intimidating the two looked in person. He had always expected them to be a lot shorter. He just assumed they were tall by Zim standards, but no, these two were lean and they were _looming_. 

“HEY!” The purple one swooped in behind his counterpart. They moved by wafting through the air, their hovering feet not touching the ground making their height even more apparent. “You’re not a second pizza guy!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER! *Takes a deep breath* Okay this one was an absolute JOY to write for you. I honestly hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it because OMFG I actually had a GREAT time. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know your reactions to this chapter in the comments. It has been one of my favorites!!!!


	21. Skoodge is Dead

“No, Purple,” with a graceful movement, the Red-eyed Tallest placed a hand on his forehead looking exasperated, “they have nothing to do with the pizza guy. They are clearly Syndicate.” He gestured with his other hand to the Captain and Lor who were in the front of the little group. Dib was completely in awe of seeing the Tallests in person for the first time. The videocalls at Zim’s base had done _nothing_ to prepare him for their actual heights. Their fingers were longer, their limbs and torso so thin it was impressive they were able to keep their upper bodies supported at all. 

“I thought the Syndicate was a pizza place.” Purple seemed a bit annoyed by the revelation and Red seemed annoyed by his co-ruler's comments. 

“No. The Galactic Syndicate are our allies from beyond the Zeta Quadrant.” 

“Did they used to sell pizza?” Purple put a hand under his pointed chin, looking skeptically at the two Rangers in their full, military gear. 

“No. They never sold pizza.” 

“Are you s-” 

“Yes, I’m sure!” Red looked ready to toss his fellow Tallest out of the room. He whirled back around to face the group of intruders, straightening himself up, surveying them with surprisingly intimidating, large, square, crimson eyes. Dib could see himself reflected in the surface and only then realized that the Irkens did not seem to blink too often. The Captain cleared her throat, stepping forward as she realized they were being sized up. 

“Tallest Red, Tallest Purple.” She addressed them with confidence, straightening her stance though even she seemed dwarfed by comparison to the Tallest. “I am Captain Allison Rose of the G.S.T. Nova.” (Dib was a little disappointed that ‘Allison’ somehow was the actual name of an alien Captain. At least Lor and Carrius _sounded_ like alien names.) 

“You’re _just_ a Captain, that’s not very impressive.” Tallest Purple looked down at her, a condescending sneer of dagger-like teeth crawling across his face. 

“Hold up.” Tallest Red lifted a hand in the air as he narrowed his eyes, his expression deep in thought- Dib recognized the expression: the Irken was researching something using the data in their PAK. Occasionally Dib would see Zim get the same look when he was cheating during trivia. “You’ve seen live combat; your medals suggest you’re quite a fighter.” 

“Turned the tides at the battle of Gaowei 9.” This time it was the Captain’s turn to give a knowing, little smirk. 

“That was you?” Tallest Red drew back a bit, seemingly more at ease. “I’m impressed. I heard it was quite the fight.” 

“Seized the primary military base, captured the leader of their rebellion, and all without losing a single Ranger.” The Captain had a bit more of a relaxed nature to her response now that the two were discussing military successes. Dib had no idea that his astrophysics professor was actually a decorated military captain. (Knowing this might have gotten him to pay attention during her lectures). Tallest Red’s eyes widened a bit, his head tilted back, antennae perking up slightly. He looked genuinely impressed; arms crossed over his armored chest, no longer leaning forward as if ready to use those sharp teeth to bit off someone’s head. 

“That's quite the resume, however, a military elite such as yourself should know better than to try to barge onto the Massive.” Despite the fact that Dib thought the Captain and the red clad Tallest had bonded over fighting, it seemed that Red was still annoyed by the interruption. Once again, those blood colored eyes narrowed as he cleared his throat. “This is a...” he paused looking to the purple Tallest for some sort of aid. “That word that means to break like a code or something...” 

“Oh, violation.” Tallest Purple replied quickly. 

“This is a direct violation of the treaty between the Syndicate and the Empire.” He hovered closer to them, leaning down to look the Captain in the eyes, proving just how tall he really was. Dib was suddenly glad he wasn’t the Captain. 

“I’m aware.” She did not flinch. 

“How did you get passed Sym? She doesn’t let anyone back here without an appointment!” Finally, Tallest Purple seemed to get invested in the conversation at hand- now that the military chat had come to an end. 

“It was no easy feat. I would like to lodge a quick complaint about her, while we have your attention. We were unable to make an appointment with the usual contact methods, and she was absolutely no help. She did not even listen to anything I said.” The Captain spoke calmly, but Dib was glad she had decided to bring up the absolutely awful Irken woman who had tossed them on the Tall World ride and had nearly led to their deaths. 

“Well duh!” Purple made a motion that might have been an eye roll but it was hard to tell given the solid, glassy color of their eyes. He too had his arms crossed, though not in an intimidating pose but rather he looked more like a huffy child, slouched behind Red. “That’s her job! She’s not supposed to make it easy because if it was easy to get an appointment with us everyone would do it and then we’d have to _work_ and that would be _terrible_!” 

“What he means to say is,” Red interjected swiftly, “we would be overwhelmed if so many requests came in. We have many aspects to our jobs as Tallest. Sym helps us weed out trivial matters that can be handled by our staff.” 

“Well she sucks at it.” Skoodge finally spoke up. The Irkens had been uncharacteristically quiet. But Dib had been watching them. Zim was looking up, seemingly in awe. However, Skoodge looked pissed off. His arms were folded, his antennae straight back, eyes narrowed judgmentally. Red and Purple both turned to look at him, as if seeing him for the first time. 

“Oh hey! It’s Skoodge!” Purple decided to narrate the obvious. “I thought you were dead.” 

“What?” Skoodge raised one antenna. “I’m not dead.” 

“Yes, you are.” Purple argued. 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes you are.” 

“I- I’m not dead. I’m standing right in front of you!” 

“Yeah well, I don’t like it. So go back to being dead you dead weirdo.” Purple turned away from Skoodge with an indignant little ‘ _humph_ ’. 

“I... what...?” Skoodge looked to Red who sighed. 

“Purple, shut up.” He looked back to Skoodge. “You’re getting awfully mouthy for a supposedly dead Irken, aren’t you?” Despite the severity of Red’s tone, Skoodge’s expression still looked rather annoyed with the whole scenario. 

“I’m just saying, Sym did a bad job because she wasn’t listening to _why_ the Syndicate needed to talk with you. I’m not ‘getting mouthy’” Earth culture must have worn off on Skoodge because he was using air quotes with his little clawed fingers, “I’m simply making an observation.” 

“I liked you better when you were dead.” Purple huffed. Red rubbed the area between his eyes where a nose would have been. 

“Very well, Dead-Irken Skoodge: Why are the Syndicate here?” 

“Well, Tallest Red, Tallest Purple,” The Captain spoke again, “it would be because we got invaded.” 

“Invaded?” Red recoiled in disgust at the reply. “What backwards planet wants to Invade you when you’re allied with us?” 

“Well, it was an Irken... so...” The Captain trailed off as Red blinked in surprise looking to Purple before both of them burst out laughing. 

“Oh- oh wow. Total miscommunication there you guys.” Purple put a hand on the Captain’s shoulder and she looked at it, briefly taken aback by the reaction. 

“Yeah, you’re not being “invaded” that little thing there isn’t a real Invader.” Red was cracking up but instantly stopped, clearing his throat looking at Zim. “I mean, he is, but he’s on a ‘top secret’ mission to ‘Earth’ which apparently was a real planet.” 

“Yeah and Skoodge is dead so he can’t Invade anyone.” Purple added, nodding as-a-matter-of-factly. 

“I’m not dead!” 

“Zim knows the mission was fake.” Zim finally spoke up for himself. It was strange to see him quiet for so long, but Dib understood the amount of respect and admiration the tiny ex-Invader had for his leaders. Zim’s loyalty ran deeper than his insanity. 

“Oh, yeah.” Red seemed a little put off by Zim’s stoic response. Purple looked rather indifferent. “You didn’t accidentally Invade the Syndicate, did you?” 

“Mothra damn it Zim.” Purple glared. 

“No, he didn’t.” Lor finally spoke up in defense of the smallest Irken. 

“Good because if he did you came all this way to tell us that Zim did something stupid, and that could easily have just been a call.” Red looked mildly relieved. “Though it seems the concept of banishment still hasn’t clicked with you.” 

“I know I’m banished.” Zim’s eyes narrowed. “You made that plenty clear when you decided to disconnect me from the Collective.” The laughter completely silenced as the Tallest looked at each other. Dib could not read their expressions, but they no longer seemed to be in as good of a mood. Red looked down at Zim. 

“I see.” 

“I came here to ask why.” Zim looked up at him, the Tallest towering over the Invader, completely engulfing Zim’s form in his shadow. 

“That is a personal matter, Zim. This is a matter of alliances.” His attitude had changed, he was more reserved than he had been before. 

“Voel!” Zim called out to him but the look that the Tallest gave to Zim made him quickly cover his mouth. “I only ask you take the matter the Syndicate brings to you as seriously as you can.” He had dropped the matter of banishment completely. 

“I plan to. We’ve been allied since Tallest Miyuki. I don’t plan to end it under my reign unless it is an absolute necessity.” Red looked back to the Captain. “Go on, I’m listening.” 

“We have an Invader that was infiltrating Syndicate bases with a weapon of Irken make.” The Captain took back over the conversation with ease. “We have the Irken herself as well as multiple witnesses to the attack. If you would allow us to beam aboard the remaining two prominent members of the case- I would have brought them earlier- however your Invader and one of our witnesses are prisoners of the Syndicate at the moment.” 

The Tallest looked at each other for a moment before Red nodded. “Guards, be at the ready.” Red’s booming voice ordered instant response as larger Irkens dropped down from somewhere on high, weapons raised. “Transportation authorized.” 

“Transport authorized.” The Captain spoke into her wrist and there was a moment before Tenn and a pasty white Irken both materialized into view. Dib was confused for only a split second before he realized that pale, moon colored Irken had seven eyes blinking out of synch with one another. Purple let out a loud cry and stumbled back. 

“What is that abomination! I want it dead! Airlock!” He went to point toward the windows, but Red grabbed his hand, lowering it. 

“A _Parasite_ is your witness?” 

“He helped us catch this little friend of yours.” The Captain gestured to Tenn who bowed deeply to her Tallest. “She was impersonating a First Officer.” 

“Tenn?” The Tallest looked her over. Red finally spoke. “You’re supposed to be at the Academy with Sig. What in Mothra’s name are you doing with the Syndicate?” 

“We said: _train Elites with Sig_ not: _go Invade the Syndicate_ ! Those don’t even sound alike! How do you get them confused!?” Purple made an exasperated gesture toward Tenn with both hands. “That’s the sort of thing I’d expect from Zim , but _you’re_ competent!” 

“Those do sound alike to me.” Zim confirmed, though he still seemed rather annoyed by the Tallests’ dismissal of his concerns. Dib saw Skoodge put an arm around him, saying something under his breath in, what Dib was now learning, was the untranslated Irken language. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m pretty confused too.” Tenn admitted. 

“Her involvement in our Ranger mission, sabotage of a Ranger ship, and stranding of Syndicate personnel is a direct violation of the treaty between our people.” The Captain pressed. “You can see why this was an urgent matter.” 

“And your witness is a defect, a dead guy, and a Parasite?” Purple looked unimpressed. 

“I’m not-” Skoodge began but was cut off. 

“First of all, that Parasite is creepy, I don’t even want to look at it.” Purple didn’t even seem to hear the interruption. “This sounds like a set up to me. That Parasite can only be heard by your Syndicate. He’s hardly a witness.” 

“We also brought the human. He’s unallied, a neutral party.” The Captain gestured to Dib who straightened up. 

“Oh those are the weird Earth things...” Purple finally looked over at Dib. “At least it’s tall...” 

“Kind of...” Red looked less impressed. It didn’t seem either of them recognized Dib, which judging how they had reacted to Zim, might be for the best. 

“You see, Tallests, we came ready to discuss the treaty breach that has occurred on Syndicate soil.” The Captain steered the conversation back to the point. Red looked back at her, again bringing himself to his full height. 

“You came ready to make some pretty big accusations, Captain Rose.” Red did not sound pleased. “You bring a Parasite, your lackeys, and an Earth-thing onto our Massive which is really... really... special and important...” 

“Sacred” Purple interjected. 

“Sacred to the Irken people.” Red continued. “You insult our security, waltz in with our banished and...” he paused, “Skoodge” It seemed Red wasn’t sure what to make of the dead-not-dead Irken. “And you launch accusations at _us_? From my perspective, Captain, you are the only one here in direct violation of our treaty.” 

“The communications were down-” The Captain began to object but Red held up a hand and she fell silent. 

“Let me finish.” His tone was not loud, but somehow still rather sharp and biting. “However, if you are coming with witnesses and an Irken prisoner- then it seems like we have no choice but to arrange a proper trial. Then we will find out what has transpired on ‘Syndicate Soil’ as you have so – Purple that word for fancy talking again-” 

“Eloquent.” 

“Eloquently put it.” Red and Purple seemed to have the fill-in-the blank thing down to a science. “I’ll alert the Control Brains and oversee the setup of the court. And, since you were so ballsy as to march onto the Massive and call _us_ bad-guys; I’ll make sure we contact your superiors as well. We’ll get them on video to observe the trial for themselves. That way you cannot accuse us of bias.” He looked over his shoulder, down at the Captain. “How does that sound?” 

“Fair and just.” The Captain bowed at the waist. “Thank you, Almighty Tallests.” 

“Until then, you are our guests on the ship!” Red gestured to the group. “Though the Parasite I expect to be monitored at all times.” 

“ _Rude._ ” Q remarked. 

“He agrees.” Dib finally spoke up. To his surprise, Red laughed. 

“I’m positive he didn’t. But he knows that if he steps out of line, I’ll finish what I started with that one.” In a swift move, Red whisked himself behind the Parasite, placing a hand against the hairline cracks of red along its back. “Isn’t that right?” 

“ _The Red Death still lives. I’m more surprised than I thought I would be_.” Q didn’t seem particularly intimidated by Red’s threat. 

“Now please!” Red spoke as Irken guards walked on either side of Q. “The rest of you, I encourage you to explore the Massive and take part in our many luxuries we offer. You are our invited guests for this Cycle, and after you have cleaned off and rested, we can continue with a proper trial. You are dismissed, all of you.” 

“Yeah,” Purple hovered behind Red. “Get out of our sight you ugly mooches!” 

They were ushered out of the Tallests’ presence and Dib found himself escorted to a lovely little room. There were soft pillows, fluffy furniture- it looked far less steely and grey than the rooms they had passed through so far. Lor followed behind him. On one of the couches there were fine clothes that seemed similar to the ornate garb Sym was wearing. 

“They really want us to feel welcome...” Lor flopped on one of the large bed-like cushions in the center of the room and nearly sunk into it. “This is very soft!” He tried to scramble out. 

“Don’t suffocate.” Dib walked over and offered a hand to help him out, briefly forgetting that Lor had the strength of a small army as Dib was pulled into the pillowy prison. It took longer than two adult men wanted to admit to clamber their way off of the cushion. 

“You want to try a different one...?” Lor walked over to another oversized mattress-like cushion, placing a hand on it more tentatively than before. “This one we might be able to actually sleep on without having to live the rest of our lives trapped in a soft cell.” 

“Why do you think the Tallests are being so nice to us now? I thought that red guy was going to disembowel your Captain but now he’s like: Here just eat our food and lay on our weird-overly-comfy-beds.” Dib sat on one of the smaller cushions and immediately fell over as that one was bouncier than he would have thought. 

“I dunno, they’re speaking Irken and my Irken is only so-so.” Lor shrugged. 

“I mean, they were speaking English to me. Did they not translate for you?” Dib looked a little confused. 

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. No, they did. But like, right now. They’re arguing but it’s in Irken.” Lor tilted his head back, craning his neck a bit toward the door. 

“Oh wait, right!” Dib jumped to his feet. “You have super hearing!” Lor was rather passive as a person, he was friendly, but he didn’t act like someone with a lot of power. Dib often found himself forgetting Lor wasn’t human. “What are they saying?” 

“Like I said my Irken isn’t great and eavesdropping seems rude.” 

“ _Lor_...” Dib gave him a long, judgmental look. 

“What? I don’t usually do these kinds of missions. I stay in the med bay and do medical stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair. Dib rolled his eyes, getting up and walking toward the door. Lor scrambled to his feet and was at the door in a flash. “Wait, where are you going?” 

“I wanna look around.” Dib shrugged. “Maybe we can get close enough for me to record what the Tallest are saying so I can translate it myself.” 

“Don’t do that Dib, that’s creepy and it probably violates all kinds of treaties.” Lor narrowed his bright blue eyes. 

“It’s not creepy, it’s detective work!” 

“It can be both.” Lor crossed his arms, standing firmly between Dib and the door. “I’m not going to let you secretly record Irken military leaders while you are representing the Syndicate. We’re already on shaky terms. Don’t start a war.” 

“Ugh, fine. Then I’ll just regular explore.” Dib gave an exasperated sigh. Lor didn’t budge, giving him a disbelieving look. “Look, I’m on an alien spaceship so you better fucking believe I plan to explore this place. If you’re so worried I’m going to ‘start a war’ you can just come with me.” There was a brief moment before Lor finally stepped aside. 

“Fine, we can go together.” 

“Come on.” Dib grabbed his arm as the exited the plush room and entered the long, metallic hall, he could see wires in the walls and ceilings. There were Irkens of various sizes throughout the halls. They would look at the two, nodding respectfully, some asking if they needed anything before scurrying off. It was a little weird. The Irkens had always come across as rather loud, abrasive, and generally uncaring. However, now that the Tallests had made the Syndicate crew their guests, Dib found the Irkens that crossed their path to be rather pleasant. A few Irkens even went out of their way to explain various locations on the Massive to Dib. 

Eventually they found their way to a rather nice dining area where Skoodge and Zim were sitting, Zim had a hand on Skoodge who seemed to be shoving food angrily in his mouth, surrounded by a pile of wrappers that implied he had been doing this angry-eating for quite some time. As Dib approached, he saw an Irken in a little apron bring another tray of food. She leaned over to Skoodge as she put the tray down. “This is for you Invader Skoodge! You were amazing on Blorch!” 

“Thank you.” Skoodge seemed to ease up a bit at the compliment. The Irken female’s golden eyes glistened with admiration though she looked somewhat saddened. 

“I’m so sorry to hear about your death” 

“Mothra damn it!” Skoodge put his head on the table. 

“Having fun?” Lor questioned as the two approached the Irkens. 

“This has been Skoodge’s whole day.” Zim patted his shoulder empathetically as the Irken waitress scurried off. 

“Why do they think you’re dead?” Dib put his hands in his pockets looking at the small Invaders sitting in their fortress of food. 

“From what I can tell there was a system update in the Collective that registers me as being dead.” Skoodge lifted his head up. 

“Oh hey it’s the late Invader Skoodge! I heard about you dying. That sucks.” A familiar Irken voice addressed the group and Dib turned his head to see the two door guards that had tried to stop them earlier. (Well, the female had tried to stop them. The male was the one talking, and he had not done much.) “I hope I didn’t kill you.” 

“Vero, come along. We do not have to associate with dead Irkens.” The female looked at the group with disdain in her crimson eyes. 

“Mothra give me strength...” Skoodge muttered under his breath. The male guard, Vero, took a seat beside Skoodge, patting his other shoulder, mimicking Zim’s gesture. 

“It’s okay buddy. You’re with Mothra now.” 

“Vero! Come along. We have important duties to tend to once we have completed our meal.” The female did not look amused by her companion’s antics. 

“These are the Tallests’ honored guests. We have a duty to them as well.” Vero replied confidently. He looked back to Skoodge and Zim, making an obvious show of turning his back on his female companion. “Forgive Xia, she’s bitter and angry because she’s allergic to fun.” 

“RUDE!” Xia hissed, her antennae lying back. “I just don’t want to associate with... outsiders. I take my duty seriously.” 

“You two aren’t bonded are you?” Zim made a face looking between them. 

“Oh sweet Mothra absolutely not!” Xia was almost instantaneous in her denial. “The very suggestion makes me want to cleanse the memory banks of my PAK.” 

“Nah, we’re same-tube.” Vero explained though the explanation meant literally nothing to Dib. He looked at Lor who shrugged. However, Zim and Skoodge nodded, both seemingly satisfied with Vero’s confusing reply. 

“So, you share both of your genetic donors. That’s rare.” Skoodge remarked, looking rather impressed as he continued devouring the never-ending supply of food. 

“Yes, and due to our similar genetic makeups, the smeetery made a mistake and we had to develop in the same tube. It was awful. Even before my PAK I knew I had a deep-set loathing for this one in my cardiac-spooch.” Xia grimaced. 

“Oh!” Dib clapped his hands loudly. “You’re twins!” Vero and Xia both gave him a blank look. Dib had not intended to say that out loud. Usually when he was hypothesizing about Irken culture, he was alone in his lab, spying on Zim or running through data from Tak’s ship. He was not accustomed to keeping his breakthroughs to himself. He cleared his throat. “You know... siblings...” 

“No. Those words mean nothing to us.” Xia looked annoyed by the interruption. “And since we are using a translator, the failure of our understanding falls solely on you and your inadequacies.” She scoffed; her expression unimpressed. 

“It’s a term from Earth family units.” Skoodge didn’t seem pleased with Xia’s rather harsh words toward Dib. “And you are being awfully uninviting to someone invited by the Tallests, aren’t you?” He raised one antenna and for a moment Xia seemed to back-pedal. 

“I... I suppose that is true.” She didn’t really apologize, but she quieted down a bit. 

“Yeah, stop yelling at people in front of my chips.” Vero held the bag to her face. “You gotta apologize to Chippy.” 

“I’m not doing that.” 

“Xia you have to; my chips are sad and they won’t taste right.” 

“I’m leaving. You’re clearly having some sort of break down in your logic circuits, again, and I’m not paid enough to deal with your bullshit.” She turned her head and swiftly stalked off. The click of her boots on the tile was surprisingly loud given the crowded nature of the dinner hall. 

“Haha, fuck you.” Vero turned back to the group. “Now that she’s finally gone, what is going on between the Syndicate and the Empire? Are we really going to war?" 

“No. I mean... probably not.” Zim shrugged. 

“You and Xia are awfully tall for Elites.” Skoodge noted. “And seeing you both on the Massive at such a young age is unusual. Are you Rising Tallest?” 

“We both are.” Vero made a face. 

“That’s actually pretty rare to have two Irkens that are the exact same height that are also tall.” Skoodge seemed intrigued. Dib blinked, realizing that the guard the Captain had convinced to let them in by telling him pizza was in danger and the guard who had just brutally insulted him, were actually the next in line for the leaders of Irk. “That hasn’t happened since Red and Purple took the position.” Zim made a noise that translated into a random array of swear words, none of which made any sense and Skoodge slowly turned to look at him. 

“What?” Zim blinked. 

“Aw that was quite a word.” Vero applauded. “I don’t think they teach us that at the academy.” Skoodge covered Zim’s mouth with one hand. 

“We aren’t teaching it to you.” 

“That’s bogus.” Vero pouted for a second, but didn’t seem too phased. He straightened up suddenly, “Shit I gotta run. Xia and I are back on shift.” He quickly bolted from the table still holding his tray. He was actively shoving food in his mouth as he ran off. 

“What an unusual Irken...” Lor commented. 

Dib eventually moved on from the dining hall. There was a lot to be explored but the down side of being human over being Irken was that after hours of seeing life on the military space craft of the Irken leaders, he was starting to get tired. 

The Irkens had eased up on him a lot, with the exception of Xia apparently. Even Sym had seemed more pleasant when he had come across her little office. Of course, she was still about as warm and inviting as a yeti-cave during a massive blizzard. However she had not tried to actively kill him, and for her that was an improvement. It was a little strange seeing the Irkens as inviting hosts. He had not seen the Captain, but was pretty sure she was stuck babysitting Q. 

As Dib and Lor went back to the plush chamber the Tallests had provided, he collapsed heavily onto one of the firmer cushions. It was like a soft, mattress. He found the fabric began to warm up as he lay on it, the sensation was actually soothing. He had not felt this relaxed in a while. The Syndicate ship had comfortable beds, but nothing quite this luxurious. It was a bit like what he imagined sleeping on a cloud must feel like. 

Things had gone okay, surprisingly. 

Though he had not quite made it to the landing bay. Maybe that was for the best given what GIR and CB had probably done to the place. Though... he hadn’t really heard from CB since they had entered the Tallests’ chambers and- as nice as it was not to have to deal with a snippy AI- it was a little unlike him not to make snide comments during big meetings. 

He was half asleep by the time his phone began to buzz. 

Over 

And over 

And over 

Again. 

Finally Dib rolled over, squinting through his glasses at the text on the screen. His heart stopped as he saw multiple messages, all from CB, continuing to pop up even as he stared at the screen they flooded in: 

**TEXT:**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

* * *

I do have some art for you guys this time! A bonus scene from last chapter that I sketched up can be found[ here](https://aminoapps.com/c/invaderzim/page/blog/for-the-glory-of-irk-chapter-19-deleted-scene/vMWe_pphnu6XeezdPpa7w5gLYbM6e74YGk) on my amino! 

Also want to add some AMAZING fan art from the wonderfully talented Toasted Scones!!! Please check it out[ HERE](https://aminoapps.com/c/invaderzim/page/blog/fanfiction-fan-art/Yv3W_mmcbuvnJ10aZ562Nld5wr5ZWPzEJ)! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe this is chapter 21?? And now the plot starts to thicken!!! I loved all the Skoodge and Therron dialogue in this. Poor Skoodge, he is just trying to not be dead. T_T. What did you guys think????


	22. Tenn Gets a Gun

“What the...” 

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

Dib had almost no time to process the word when he could hear something, a soft but determined series of ‘clicking’ sounds- like raindrops on tile. His breath caught in his throat, as he tried to listen to the sound above him, straining to hear the soft, rhythmic noise over the pounding of his own heart. 

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

He carefully shifted one hand to the hyperspheres in his pocket, moving the other to the sleeping form of Lor beside him. He was moving slowly, trying to be as soundless as he could. The messages continued to flood in. 

**RUN**

**RUN**

**RUN**

A hand on Lor’s shoulder, Dib moved to shake him gently but never got the chance as suddenly, the 

_click,_

_click,_

_click_ above him came to a sudden stop. 

Dib’s heart froze in his chest and in a sudden blur something dropped down on him. Dib let out a loud cry as he flung the hand with the Hyperspheres up. The gravitational force made on impact with whatever-it-was caused Dib to fly backward in the opposite direction. He squinted in the darkness (he had not had time to grab his glasses), seeing something spider-like stabbing its needle-like legs into the soft cushion. Slowly, the creature turned its head toward him almost robotic in its movement. Dib could see two orbs of glowing red light that he realized were eyes. He scurried across the ground to the opposing wall as the spidery legs ripped free of the cushion and began skittering across the tile. Again, he could hear that soft, rain-like clicking filling the room, much louder now. 

The thing was fast- far faster than Dib expected. It was only a second before it was on him again, spiked legs rearing up. Dib winced, bracing himself for the impact that never came. Slowly, he opened one eye in time to see Lor holding the spidery legs of what Dib now realized was a PAK. The assailant was a smaller Irken- one Dib did not recognize. The legs of the PAK were caught up in Lor’s grip and the Irken was flailing to get free. 

“You okay?” Lor kept his voice low as he struggled to keep his grip on the Irken. 

“Y-yeah...” Dib slowly got to his feet, still gripping the Hyperspheres in his hand. “Glad you’re awake.” He was still trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Lor slowly managed to get the PAK legs tied up in a little knot and was trying to avoid getting stabbed by a blade the Irken was waving wildly at him. “He’s not alone though, we have to move. I can hear at least two others in the ceiling. We gotta go.” 

“Why are they coming after us?” Dib stayed back against the wall as he moved around Lor who was wrestling the Irken and ran past them to grab his glasses from where they had fallen on the ground. He was lucky the spiked PAK legs hadn’t destroyed them. 

“A trap, I suspect.” Lor frowned. “It’s a little underhanded for the current Tallests. Their reputation isn’t this back-stabby.” 

“Is that it, Alien!?” Dib slid back to the fight holding the Hyperspheres in what he sincerely hoped was a threatening manner. “You’re here on behalf of your leaders to kill me in my sleep!?” The Irken did not respond, staring fixedly at Lor. 

“Maybe he thinks you're talking to me...” Lor suggested awkwardly. “I mean... we’re all technically aliens if you really think about-” He was cut off as the PAK legs sprung free of his trap. Two of them had broken but the Irken was undeterred. Lor threw his weight into the Irken and they stumbled into the door. Dib, wanting to help, tried to get the door to open but suddenly it was completely unresponsive. It had always just opened when they got close. 

“Door’s locked or something.” Dib tried prying it open with his bare hands but realized that, even with his enhanced strength, he could not pry apart solid metal. 

“Well shit.” Lor sounded less like they were struggling for their lives and more as if he had just realized he was going to be late for class. He tossed the Irken clear across the room and turned to pry the door open. There was an alternating series of thunks and clicks as the Irken tried to scurry back toward them on the broken legs of the PAK. Lor was able to pull the metal doors open just enough for Dib and himself to slip through before shutting them tightly again earning a loud CRASH as the Irken launched after them only to be met by a door. 

“What the fuck was all of that about?” Dib tried to catch his breath. 

“I have no idea...” Lor leaned for a moment against the wall. 

_BEEP._

The door slid open easily and the Irken was standing in the doorway with the same, stoic expression. “Are you kidding me?” Dib blinked. 

“We need to find the Captain.” Lor grabbed Dib’s hand and took off running down the hall. The Irken was in hot pursuit, despite the damaged legs of its PAK, it was moving incredibly quickly, using the working PAK legs to hook onto wires in the ceiling and swing ahead. The good thing was that Lor seemed to be able to keep ahead of it, despite having to pull Dib along behind him. He stopped before another set of doors. “She was in here.” 

“Open them!” Dib wasn’t sure why Lor had just stopped. 

“They’re locked like ours were and if this is some kind of misunderstanding, I don’t want to get in trouble for destroying all this property...” 

“LOR!” Dip had never been more aware that his roommate was not a fighter than he was right now. With the Irken at their heels, Dib reared his arm back like a pitcher on a baseball field and launched the Hyperspheres at the door’s activation pad. To say they were effective was an understatement. The gravitational force from the impact completely dented in the metal and Dib had to lean back to catch them as their ricochet actually hit their assailant as well. 

On later retellings of this event, Dib would claim this to be calculated- but it was just dumb luck. 

The door sparked and slid open as Lor and Dib ran inside, peering into the darkness. The Irken shook itself from the gravitational force that had floored it and launched in after them. Before it made contact, something tackled the Irken from the side. Lor pulled Dib back as a second Irken latched onto the back of the first one, hitting the PAK with full force. The movements seemed to be precise, aiming for certain areas over others. 

The would-be assassin began to convulse before falling, unmoving onto the ground as their savior got to their feet, tossing their antennae triumphantly. “Take THAT!” The sweet, high pitched voice was certainly not what Dib was expecting. 

Lor flipped on the lights to see Tenn, surrounded by at least seven other felled Irkens. Lor paused surveying the chaos before finally speaking. “Are they dead?” 

She blinked at them for a moment and looked at the Irkens on the ground. “No. I just knocked them unconscious, more or less.” 

“Holy shit Tenn, that was actually awesome.” Dib had not had a chance to see her in combat when she was on the same side as them- he had to admit he was impressed, especially since her hands were cuffed. “Did you take out all of these guys?” 

“Well... Just these three. The Captain and Q got a few of the others.” Tenn admitted. 

“Where are they?” Lor asked quickly. 

“We got overwhelmed. The Irkens took the Captain away and Q just sort of fucked off somewhere... I don’t really know what he was doing.” 

“They took the Captain!?” Lor looked more freaked out now; he began to pace back and forth. Tenn was watching him, turning her head to follow his movements. “Do you know where!?” 

“I can guess.” Tenn blinked, shaking herself, seemingly dizzy from watch Lor’s increasingly fast and frantic pacing. He whirled around picking the small Irken up by her shoulders. 

“Where!?” 

“You don’t have to yell; I can hear you.” Tenn replied flatly. “Also, we should keep our voices down because I doubt these Irkens were acting alone.” Lor took a deep breath and placed Tenn gently back on her feet. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He leaned over, lowering his voice. “Where did they take the Captain?” 

“Most likely the holding chambers beside the ship’s core.” 

“Fuck. That’s going to complicate things.” 

“Wait.” Dib had to interject. “Can’t the Captain just walk through the walls?” He’d seen her do it a hundred times on the ship ride over. 

“Tangeans can’t ghost through energy sources.” Tenn explained as-a-matter-of-factly. “we installed the core cells specifically to counter that ability. Aren’t Irkens amazing!?” She looked at the unimpressed faces of the Kryptonian and the human before clearing her throat. “I mean you don’t have to _like_ it, but it was still a brilliant plan.” 

“We have to get her.” Lor sighed. “You’re coming with us.” 

“Of course!” Tenn did not seem at all upset by the order. “Can you undo the locking mechanism your Syndicate put on my PAK? I’m not much of a fighter without it...” 

“You took out three Irkens...” Lor gestured to the unconscious bodies on the floor. 

“I mean... Yes. But I’m a top Invader and those guys aren’t even military rank. It was easy.” 

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head “but we can’t risk you turning against us like those other Irkens. You’ll have to keep it on.” 

“Then can I have a gun?” 

“What? No. I just said we were worried you’d turn against us.” 

“Yeah, but you’re bullet proof.” 

“ _I’m_ not!” Dib interjected. 

“Fine. But if we get overwhelmed, I’m not taking any of the blame.” She marched ahead of the other two walking out of the very broken door. 

“We should probably try to meet up with Zim too,” Dib knew the Irkens didn’t need sleep, so he wasn’t quite sure what they had gotten up to in this chaos (he wasn’t even 100% certain this wasn’t, somehow, Zim’s fault). 

“Oh they’ll be fine. I was in the Elite Academy with Zim and Skoodge.” Tenn spoke very softly, peering out, around the corner. “Even with Skoodge being dead, there aren’t many Irken’s who are a match for him. Despite being small, Skoodge was a top Invader... And Zim... well... we’ll find Zim I’m sure. He’s probably with Skoodge anyway.” 

“You know Skoodge isn’t dead, right?” Dib kept his own voice barely above a whisper. He had heard many Irkens make that comment about Skoodge, but Tenn had been with them the whole time and knew for a fact it can’t have been true. 

“I mean, yeah. He’s fine. Plus with my PAK locked by the Syndicate, I haven’t received the update from the Collective that declared him dead. So he’s actually alive to me. Now Shh!” She put a finger to her mouth making a little hiss. “I’m trying not to die.” The hallways appeared empty but Tenn’s antennae were straight up over her head, her red eyes scanning around her on high alert. Lor went to take a step but she held out her bound hands to stop him. “There are patrols. Too many for us to take head on.” She turned and went down a very narrow hall. Lor and Dib followed, both struggling a bit to keep up with her through the tight passage. 

“Do you have any idea why this is happening?” Dib kept his voice low as he tried to keep up with Tenn as she made a few random turns into even more small and uncomfortable hallways. It was easy for her to fit, but Dib being two feet taller was struggling. 

“Actually... I don’t...” Her reply sounded honest. “At first I thought it was a rescue attempt. They were going to save me... it seemed unnecessary but I was flattered. Except... they attacked me too- and it was weird.” She seemed lost in thought as she walked ahead of them, pausing and keeping quiet for a moment as Dib heard the clicking of PAK legs reverberating down the hall. He froze, holding his breath until the Irken patrol past them without noticing them. 

No one moved for a moment before Tenn opened a very small hatch in the wall. She easily weaseled through it leaving Dib and Lor standing, wondering if she had just ditched them before she stuck her arm out gesturing for them to follow. 

“I dunno...” Lor hissed as softly as he could. 

She gestured more urgently and he very carefully got on his knees and slowly vanished into the hole. Dib took a deep breath and got on his stomach, dragging himself through the little hatch on just his elbows. He crawled only a few feet before the floor completely vanished from under him and he plummeted down a very narrow shaft landing on something warm. 

“What in the fuck...?” Dib swore trying to keep his voice down despite the fact he had just taken a tumble down an uncomfortably narrow and dark, metal shaft. 

“Ow.” The thing Dib landed on made a noise and he quickly realized it was Lor. He got off of him as best he could- there was not much room- and got to his feet. There was a soft little thudding above him and he looked up to see Tenn crawling down a little ladder to join them. 

“Wow you guys are clumsy. You could have taken the stairs, you know.” She critiqued as she hopped off her little ladder and also landed on Lor. 

“We couldn’t see the ladder. It was dark.” Dib hissed. 

“You guys can’t see in the dark? That’s weird.” She looked genuinely surprised as she got off of Lor and finally allowed him to sit up. With Tenn in the room, Dib and Lor had just about enough room to stand chest to chest without stepping on her. “The door should be around here somewhere....” She was squinting at the clean metallic grey tiles with a very intense expression, her curled antennae straight back and flat against her head. She placed her bound hands on the wall and it beeped at her. She sighed looking back at Dib and Lor. “It won’t open for me.” 

“Maybe we can override it...” Dib couldn’t actually see the door, but it had made a noise so he was willing to believe it was there. 

“I can’t without my PAK, and he” Tenn gestured her head in Lor’s direction, “won’t release the lock.” Lor sighed. 

“I don’t have that kind of security clearance. Even if I wanted to I can’t.” He looked at the wall, Dib saw the ice blue eyes take on a slightly reddish tint. 

“I could ask CB.” Dib suggested, holding up his phone. “He usually likes taking over things that aren’t a part of him already.” It was a creepy habit that Dib in NO WAY trusted, however, it might come in handy for the moment. 

“Is that the creepy computer from the ship? That thing makes me uncomfortable.” Tenn remarked, thoughtfully. 

“You know, it’s funny, Tak’s ship said the same thing, only way less politely.” Dib mused as he pulled out his phone. 

“Awe, I miss Tak.” Tenn gave a little sigh. Dib tried to call the number from which CB had been relentlessly texting him. 

“ **Yes?** ” The reply was instantaneous. 

“CB!” Dib never thought he would be so glad to hear that synthetic, tinny voice. “Can you hack an Irken door from the phone?” 

“ **Under normal circumstances, yes. But right now, I am a tad busy. Also, it is good of you to finally contact me. I had assumed you died**.” 

“What do you mean you're busy!?” 

“ **I send you hundreds of texts that say run and you cannot even give me a call to say ‘Why thank you CB, oh wise and benevolent computer. I took your advice and** **ran** **and now I am not murdered. You are so kind for warning me.’ But no. I only get called when you need something.** ” 

“Now’s not the time for a lecture CB, we’re literally in a tight spot.” 

“ **I cannot help at the moment. Things are complicated. However,** **Skoodge** **wanted me to inform you to meet at the bridge at your earliest convenience to arrange your departure. He and the Master are temporarily busy with a side-quest which I am told was of the utmost importance**.” 

“When were you planning on relaying this incredibly important information to me?” Dib was still taken aback by CB’s reply. He had never been _busy_ before. The AI was strong enough to be on Earth and on his phone on the Massive but he couldn’t unlock a door? 

“ **Why should I rush? You had not responded to any of my other texts**.” 

“I’m hanging up CB.” 

“ **At least text me if you do end up dying**!” And with that Dib disconnected the call. He looked back at the others with a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry that was a total waste.” 

“You know, I could just punch through the control panel. It seemed they’ll open for blunt-force trauma.” Clark suggested. 

“They do?” Tenn raised one of her antennae quizzically. 

“They did when we slammed the hyperspheres into them.” Dib wanted to toss them dramatically so Tenn could admire the weapon his parents had decided to pack him (for some weird reason). However, it was probably not the best idea to toss gravity weapons in a very tight space. 

“That seems like a design flaw, but if it works go for it.” Tenn ducked her head as Lor reached out and crushed part of the wall easily with his hand. It was as if the tiles had been made of paper with how effortlessly they crumbled. Tenn blinked as there was a second little ‘beep’ this one much more cheerful sounding and a small door opened that was just tall enough for Tenn to walk through without difficulty. Dib heaved a heavy sigh. 

“How do the taller Irkens fit in these tiny passages?” He complained as he had to duck down, once again, to fit in a confined hallway. Even Lor who was almost a foot shorter than Dib was having to hunch over to follow Tenn. 

“They don’t use them. These are maintenance passages. If you’re tall you don’t have a job like that.” Tenn replied simply. “I don’t really use them either- but as an Invader we must know every crevasse of the Massive in case of an emergency.” 

“Like this?” Dib mused. 

“Well...” she sounded thoughtful and Dib realized his little snide comment had been lost on her. “I doubt this was the exact situation they had in mind. But we should be nearing the core prisons...” She continued to walk ahead, squeezing through another little hall. Dib was starting to wonder if they should really trust Tenn who’s only contribution to their adventure, thus far, had been pretending to be a member of the Syndicate and shooting Lor. She took them down another small ladder built into the wall pausing at the bottom as Lor and Dib followed. “Oh, I probably should have had the human go first because-” She cut off as Lor’s grip slipped off the tiny metal rungs and he fell hard on the silver tiles below. 

“Lor!?” Dip jumped down. Lor wasn’t really moving, Dib reached to try to roll him over but his body felt warm. Tenn didn’t seemed phased. 

“That proves how close we are!” 

“What did you do to him!?” Dib narrowed his eyes, holding the Hyperspheres tightly in one hand. He scrambled to his feet and slammed his head on the ceiling as he forgot there was barely five feet of room in the hall. Tenn watched him struggle, following his movements with her eyes. She didn’t seem particularly threatened by Dib’s display. 

“We’re near the core. The core that is made of lots and lots of that little rock that powered the laser that made him sick? I didn’t do anything.” 

“I feel like I’m dying,” Lor muttered from the floor. “Am I dying?” 

“You’re fine.” Tenn leaned down patting him on the head. “But you best stay here. The closer we get the worse you’ll feel and at this point you’re dead weight.” 

“I wanna help...” Lor protested, struggling to sit up. Dib could see his whole body trembling. He had never seen his roommate look this sickly before. Even during flu season Lor had always been obnoxiously energetic. 

“Awe you can still help.” Tenn assured him. “You can give me your gun.” 

“Didn’t Skoodge say something about the power core being highly pressurized or unstable or something?” Dib wasn’t so sure he wanted to go alone with Tenn anywhere, especially not if she had a gun. Without Lor, he didn’t have a lot to fight off Ten with if she did turn against them. 

“I mean... it is. But technically I think he was talking about the element in general. “ Tenn admitted. “But I wasn’t going to shoot the gun. I was going to hit people with it.” She made a motion of wailing on an invisible assailant with her nonexistent gun. 

“Fine.” Lor mumbled. “Take my gun, it’s in the holster on my waist.” 

“YAY!” Tenn let out a happy cry immediately bending over to retrieve her prize. 

“Lor!” Dib protested. “I’m about to be ALONE with her!” 

“Yeah, and I don’t want you getting hurt... if she thinks it will help, I have to trust her.” Lor looked over as Ten pulled out a futuristic, sleek black gun with glowing blue lights that was marked with the Syndicate’s logo. It seemed Lor had noticed Dib’s concern because he quickly added: “Plus it’s voice activated and she’s not an authorized user so she can’t fire it anyway.” 

“That’s fine.” Tenn assured him. “Come on human, we’ll be back for him.” 

“What are you going to do with a gun that doesn’t even work?” Dib was skeptical about this whole ordeal: about going with Tenn into an unstable energy core, about leaving Lor weakened on the ground, and about giving Tenn a gun. 

“Oh!” She smiled at him and in her sweet, squeaky little voice she replied: “I’m going to beat the shit out of the guards.” She turned on her heel and happily began bouncing down the cramped hall. Dib hurried after her. 

“Is Lor going to be okay?” Dib hated leaving him like that. He didn’t have a lot of friends back on Earth and he wasn’t too keen on losing the first one he had made in college. Also, it was going to be a pain finding another roommate he liked. 

“He should be. We won’t be long. I don’t _need_ long.” Tenn’s eyes narrowed as she looked ahead with determination. Dib had to admit he found her confidence reassuring. They walked a little further before Tenn gestured for them to stop. Her antennae wiggled as she sat in dead silence. “Two guards, roughly five feet tall.” She spoke barely above a whisper. “I’ll take care of them, you: utilize that weird design flaw where doors open if you smash them and go get the Captain. Wait until the first guard is down before you go in.” 

“How do you know how many guards there are? Can you see through walls too?” Dib knew vaguely the Irkens had ocular implants capable of far more than the human eye. Tenn shook her head, pointing to her antennae. 

“Tremor sense. I can feel them walking.” She took a breath. “Are you ready?” 

“I think so.” Dib nodded. 

“Then wait for my signal.” Tenn clambered up on top of Dib’s back and pushed a single tile aside. Shockingly, despite the space being small, Tenn managed to wriggle her entire body inside. Dib didn’t hear much of anything. He didn’t even really hear Tenn moving in the ceiling. 

Quite suddenly he heard commotion. No one was talking- no cry for help or anything that might have been expected when guards got ambushed, but he heard that loud clambering sound of PAK legs on tile as well as a series of increasingly violent thuds. Dib scooted forward as quietly as a 6’2” human could manage in a five-foot hall and saw Tenn, dangling from the neck of one of the guards by her bound hands. The guard was on their PAK legs, rearing back. Tenn swung her body throwing the Irken over her head and into the second Irken. Like before she jumped on their back, beating the gun against the side of their head with relentless force. Dib waited till she managed to grab to the PAK and hit that series of sweet spots before blindly running to the door, throwing the Hyperspheres at the panel. The impact was far more volatile than Dib had predicted. It turns out that the Hyperspheres do not require much force when thrown as the subsequent gravitational blast threw the guards, Tenn, and Dib himself all into opposing walls. Tenn’s head popped up, wincing as an alarm began blaring from the shattered door, reverberating around the metal chamber. 

“What the fuck was that?!” She demanded as she quickly took her opportunity to latch onto the PAK of the other guard. 

“The Hyperspheres we mentioned.” Dib ran to the door which had opened the same as all the doors they had tried the break-it method of entering. On the other side was the Captain, sitting far against the opposing wall looking a little stunned. 

“You don’t need that much force Mr. Membrane. Clearly the Hyperspheres require finesse, not brute strength.” She got to her feet with some difficulty, her own hands and feet were bound with some sort of energy cuffs. 

“I was expecting a thank you.” Dib retorted a tad indignantly. 

“Yes... thank you.” To his surprise she sounded sincere. “But how did you actually get this far? How did you get past the guards? Where’s Lor?” 

“Hallway.” Dib tried to help the Captain get moving but it seemed difficult with the restraints. “And Tenn helped us find you.” As if on cue, the petite Irken Invader scurried in with a strange black device in her hands. She walked to the Captain and pressed the device to the energy restraints on her ankles and wrists and they dissipated into nothing. 

“Tenn... you are proving oddly helpful in all of this.” The Captain stood, careful not to hit her own head as they exited the cell and hurried back to where Lor was waiting. “You’ll have to forgive me for being a tad suspicious. Your Tallest were hospitable to our faces as well and now this is happening.” They had to shout as the alarm was still wailing overhead. 

“With all due respect, Captain Rose, this whole ordeal does not seem... right to me.” Tenn had mentioned before that this was all weird for her and after she had gone out of her way to help free the Captain, Dib wanted to believe her. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Well...” Tenn looked back at the Captain for a moment before focusing on the path ahead. “The Irkens attacking us are acting very strangely... and they aren't fighters... I mean... don’t get me wrong... Military trailing is required of all Irkens. But these are cooks, cleaners, maintenance workers, journalists- there is not an Elite among them. And they aren’t _talking_... ” 

“Lor!” As Tenn trailed off the Captain saw Lor’s collapsed form on the ground. She ran to him quickly trying to help him up. He was pale, shaky, but no worse for wear than when Dib had left. Tenn was right, it hadn’t taken long. “Doctor, are you all right?” 

“Been better...” Lor mumbled, head lulling to one side as Dib held up Lor’s other side. 

“He’ll be fine if we can get him up the ladder. Once he’s out of range of the core he’ll perk right back up.” As Tenn spoke, the alarm suddenly went silent. She looked up. “Oh that’s not good, we need to hurry.” 

“Right.” The Captain and Dib had to work together to help pull Lor up the ladder of the tiny, cramped shaft. They reached the top and Lor shook himself. The color flooded back into his cheeks and the tremors stopped. 

“Hey I do feel better.” Lor stood easily on his own. Their celebration was cut prematurely as a sound like thundering rain began echoing overhead. Tenn’s eyes widened her antennae drooping. 

“Oh no. That’s bad.” She hurried through the tight passages trying to get away from the thundering sound. “We're outnumbered, we have to try to outrun them!” This was easy for Tenn who was able to slither comfortably through the cramped, tight passages between the walls but for the non-Irkens it was a struggle to keep up. Tenn looked back, frustrated. “Hurry!!!” 

“It’s hard, there's not a lot of room.” Dib retorted feeling his heart racing in his chest. Tenn rolled her eyes, clearly frustrated. 

“Hey, punch out that wall.” She turned to Lor, who, without question, knocked a large hole in the wall beside them, tearing the metal easily so there was a hole large enough for them to fit through. Dib blinked, recognizing the Irken animatronics adjacent to the open pit as the ride from before. With the power off and the animatronics’ dead gaze staring vacantly at him, he found this place even less charming than the first go round. 

They started to weave through the little fake-Irkens, running their path from before in reverse. Dib could hear that clicking noise behind him and turned. In the darkness he could see Irkens, their PAK legs tearing into the hole that Lor had made in the walls. There were so many of the spiked, metallic legs that the edges of the hole seemed to move as if the wall itself was alive. As the hole widened, the Irkens began to flood in, crawling up walls, over the animatronics, swarming like an infestation, their eyes all focused on the group ahead. 

_click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_

_click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_

_click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click click click click click_

 _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click_ _click click click click click click click click click click click_

They were closing in, one lunging straight for the Captain only to fall straight through her. Lor grabbed it, tossing it behind him as it flew back into one of its fellow Irkens. “Lor you have to fly us out of here!” The Captain had her gun pulled, firing at the Irkens behind her. 

“But if I go too fast I’ll snap Dib’s neck! I don’t have the greatest control and-” Lor began to protest, Dib had wondered why he had not just flown to begin with, however, it seemed as if there was a valid reason after all. 

“THAT'S AN ORDER LOR!” 

Lor took a deep breath and broke into a real run, faster than Dib had ever seen him move as he swept up the Captain in one arm and Dib in the other. “Get Tenn!” Lor was all out of arms, so the Captain grabbed the Irken with her free hand. “Gun authorize temporary access for current user!” At the sound of Lor’s instructions, the gun lit up- as did Tenn’s expression. 

“Turn me around!” She ordered. The Captain shifted the Irken so she was facing the swarm behind and Dib heard a series of shots go off followed by the sound of Irkens hitting the ground. “I’LL SHOW YOU TOP INVADER!” 

“Are you killing them!?” Dib craned his neck just in time to see a laser blast strike an Irken mid-air right between its eyes. 

“Nah, you can behead us and as long as you don’t hit the PAK we’re fine. All of this damage can be repaired.” Ten sniped another three Irkens, never missing a shot. Dib was suddenly glad that it was Zim who had ended up on Earth. After seeing Skoodge, and now Tenn, he realized that his twelve-year-old self would have been dead had he tried to go up against a real Invader. 

“HANG ON!” Lor jumped and they were suddenly no longer on the ground as they entered the theater room and Lor made a B-Line toward the ceiling where the trap door had been. Dib could see PAK legs ripping the screen to sheds as the Irkens poured in. 

“Don’t break the ceiling! I’ll get us through!” The Captain instructed as Lor flew straight toward the solid metal door. Lor nodded and stayed his course. As they were about to hit the heavy metal, Dib felt the Captain grab his arm and they phased right through it. If they were not about to be ripped apart by an Irken mob, Dib would have taken the opportunity to admire seeing the Syndicate in action. However, Lor dropped them on the floor, before crashing into a wall himself. He had apparently been telling the truth about not having the greatest control. The room above, Sym’s office, looked different, all the screens were blinking with red lights, the lights were off. Tenn tried to orient herself from the crash but was immediately thrown into the opposing wall. Dib barely dodged being impaled by a PAK leg as he looked up to see the regal, towering form of Sym. Her expression was odd... she didn’t look like the frustratingly unhelpful Irken he remembered. 

“Oh shit.” Tenn fired the gun but Sym dodged with shocking grace and fluidity. “Shit shit shit!” The Captain went to fire her gun at Sym but an electrified PAK leg knocked her back and helped Sym jump above Lor who had made a lunge for her. 

“You handled more Irkens than this.” Dib urged Tenn as he threw the Hyperspheres but Sym’s PAK legs stepped around them with ease. 

“Yes but as I said. Those were not fighters.” 

“She’s a secretary!” Dib protested. 

“She WAS an Elite, for a long time.” Tenn had to move fast as Sym was quickly upon her, holding a glowing blue scimitar looing blade. Trying to hit Sym was like trying to hit water. Dib, Lor, Tenn, and the Captain struggled to get a good blow on her and the clicking of legs below was starting to get louder. “We need to just get one good hit.” 

**RING**

**RING**

**RING**

Everyone, even Sym, turned to look at Dib whose phone just went off. Tenn took her chance and shot the Irken woman between the eyes. “That won’t hold her long, let’ go!” They took off running once more and in the heat of the moment, Dib accidentally answered the call. 

“Diego?” He hadn't realized he had even received it until he heard his stepmother's voice. “Is everything all right? You look frantic.” 

_Shit._

“Everything’s great.” He panted, trying his best to hide the chaos around him. “Just exercising.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you...” Her mismatched red and blue eyes narrowed. 

“Ouch.” He tried to sound offended. “I exercise.” 

“Not willingly.” His dad was clearly trying to see around him. “Who is that with you? Why are they blue?” 

“Um... That's Dr. Rosenberg. It’s a surprise Halloween party.” It was hard to think on his feet and also avoid the oncoming Irken swarm. 

“It’s... February....” Moira seemed unconvinced. 

“Brilliant! That is truly a surprise then! I didn’t expect it and I am usually prepared for everything!” His father slammed his hand into his open palm. “Computer! Add surprise February Halloween parties to my list of things to prepare for!” 

“ **Yes Mr. Membrane**.” Dib had the sneaking suspicion that the computer sounded an awful lot like CB but he didn’t have time to dwell on that at the moment as an Irken dropped out of the ceiling in front of him. He let put a cry as the blaster in the Irken’s hand fired directly into his chest. Dib reeled back, gripping at where he was hit... 

Nothing. 

His shirt wasn’t even damaged. 

“Did you just get shot?!” His step mom sounded worried. 

“Kids these days and their wild parties. Back when I was young, we did different sorts of shots.” Dib’s father shook his head. “I suppose it was a good thing you packed the shirts we infused with the armor prototype; you were right honey. And it works!” 

“My shirts are WHAT!?” Dib’s head was reeling. 

“We were worried about the moon monkeys, son.” His dad did not really answer the question. 

“And rightfully so it seems. Are you in danger? Do you need us to come up there?” As Moira spoke, Tenn took out the Irken that had jumped Dib. 

“No. We’re fine. This was a drill. A very intense drill.” 

“Oh... I see...” Moira didn’t look convinced but Dib did not feel the need to explain himself to someone who kept sending him military-grade gear on a school trip. 

“I gotta go, I’ll call you when the drill is over to let you know I’m alive! Bye!” 

“ **He won’t though. He’s bad about that**.” The computer at his house muttered, sounding annoyed before Dib disconnected the call. Dib looked up just in time to see the docking bay ahead. The lights above the door illuminated blue and he was able to slide inside with the others before the doors slammed shut. He could hear the pounding and scratching of Irkens trying to get inside. Dib hunched over trying to stop his heart from bursting out of his chest. He looked around. CB was there with GIR who was dancing with an unconscious Irken that Dib assumed worked on the docking bay. Zim and Skoodge were already there, carrying a large ornate spear with a laser blade that was taller than either of them. Dib blinked. 

“Was that the side quest?” 

“It was very important.” Zim insisted. 

“It wasn’t.” Skoodge sounded tired. 

“Zim had to take this, for very good reasons.” 

“We got delayed for twenty minutes because Zim was being petty. But that seems fine since we still beat you here.” Skoodge didn’t seem like he was in the best of moods and as Dib saw his cruiser was currently up in flames, he could gauge why the robust Irken might be upset. 

“How are we getting out of here?” The Captain looked concerned. “That was our ride.” 

“I assume your ship will show up and CB will say something like: ‘ _Surprise, remember how you specifically told me_ **_not_ ** _to take over the Syndicate ship? Will I_ _did_ _it anyway_ ’.” As Skoodge spoke, everyone turned to look at the robotic body of CB who crossed his arms, looking incredibly huffy by the impression. He sighed. 

“ **Well it is not much of a surprise now.** ” 

“Figured.” Skoodge seemed unimpressed. 

“What about Q?” Lor looked concerned as the Syndicate ship flew into view. 

“Oh no we’ll have to leave him.” Dib quickly replied with as little concern as he could possibly express. “That sucks.” 

“ _Asshole_ .” Dib looked up just in time to See Q drop down from the ceiling. “ _I was the first one here_.” 

“You abandoned the Captain.” 

“ _It all worked out. We’re_ _all_ _here aren’t we_?” 

“We don’t have time for this.” The Captain straightened up; her expression serious as she headed toward her cruiser. “As soon as we get to Earth, I’m telling this story to Capitol Planet and you can bet you’ll be readying your planet for a war.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excited to finally flesh out Tenn and all her gun-wielding glory. I thought it was about time she got to play a big part! Also, action scenes are a weakness of mine so this chapter was a bit of a struggle. I hope you all enjoy it! Next Week's chapter should answer some lingering questions.


	23. Alpha-Epsilon-01

Irkens did not require sleep, but Voel wanted to be rested before he was to be defending Irk. So, he had decided to sleep the for a long period of time before the trial with the Syndicate. When he had gone to bed, Therron was still quite awake, messing around on his reader playing some brightly colored matching game that played obnoxiously cheery music. Of course, Voel figured Therron would eventually decide on sleeping himself as he seemed to have great enjoyment from spending arbitrary amounts of time unconscious. So, it was no surprise that when he awakened, he saw his fellow leader passed out on one of the floating relaxation tables, supported by all sorts of fine pillows. 

The idiot didn’t even have his PAK plugged into the charging station. Voel had to hope he wouldn’t be at low energy because of mistake. Therron would have to eat more to compensate, not that it was really a problem as the Irken drones would be happy to supply their leader with whatever he required. 

Voel stood, stretching out his long legs, arching his back. With a snap of his fingers the hovering robotic orbs flew to him, their spidery metal arms holding parts of his Tallest armor as they clamped the light weight, indestructible chest plate over his broad chest. They spun around, affixing the metal corset until his midsection was tightened to allow room only for his spinal column. The hover-belt was connected with a familiar ‘click’ and the cape was unfurled as the embellishments were quickly adorned to his armor all while Voel was going through the transcripts of the conversation from the day before. His claws nearly bisected one of the helpful floating droids as it tried to clamp the  Tallests ’ gauntlets to his forearms. 

“You should get up Therron. We have a trial today.” Voel called to the  unconscious lump of  Irken flopped over the finest cloths Irk had to offer. 

“I don’t  wanna ...” Therron whined, his face still buried in one of the pillows to the point where Voel could only see his antennae poking up from out of the fluff. 

“Hmm, is that so?” He looked over his shoulder with disinterest. “Droids, Tallest Purple needs you to get him ready.” Immediately some of the little red orbs grabbed Therron’s armor from the mannequin (Therron had actually discarded it on the floor the night before, Voel was sure of it, but the droids would put it up every time) while others whizzed over using their mechanical arms to drag Voel’s fellow Tallest out of his sleeping cocoon. 

“AH! Voel you asshole!” Therron flailed as little metal arms grabbed at him trying to pull him into a standing position. Voel chuckled, enjoying the chaos. 

“I’ll meet you in the briefing chambers.” He smirked as he walked to the door and it slid open with a satisfying ‘swish’. He walked toward the briefing chambers seeing a few  Irkens looking a tad out-of-it, as if they had gone to some sort of party and their PAKs were still purging the alcohol from their system. A few were walking into walls and tripping over things. 

The  smallers must have had quite the celebration the other night- odd that he hadn’t gotten an invitation. Usually the Tallests received an invite to every function on Irk in hopes they would grace the event with their presence. As he passed through the  halls, he noticed a display case had been smashed and his antennae stood straight up with rage. “THERRON!” 

“What?” Therron was a good bit behind him looking like he wanted just to go right back to bed.

“Where is Red Death?” He gestured emphatically to the smashed display case. 

“Who?” 

“Red Death! My spear! Admit it, you took her! You have always been jealous because she is prettier than you are!”

“First of all:” Therron straightened up holding out one finger to Voel looking ready to fight for, perhaps, the first time in his life. “I am the most attractive thing on this ship. That is a cited fact.” He pulled out his reader, showing Voel an article about some statue the  Irkens back on Irk were building to honor them in which the sculptor described capturing Therron’s ‘beauty’ to be ‘quite difficult’. “Secondly: That old thing? I thought you put it in a display case because you were afraid someone might dirty it or somethi-” he cut off finally seeming to see what Voel was so upset about. His posture slouched a little more. “Oh.” 

“Oh!? My prized weapon is missing and all you can say is ‘oh’!?”

“Maybe that’s why the Control Brains suggested a security protocol last night.” Therron put his hands on his waist surveying the broken case with mild interest. 

“Well obviously something was-” Voel stopped, blinking, as Therron’s words penetrated passed his anger, registering with his brain. “Security protocol? What?”

“It’s  the official procedure or system of rules governing security.” Therron spoke, Voel held a gloved finger to his mouth willing him to silence. 

“I  _ know _ what the _ word _ means.” Voel gritted his teeth.

“Well sometimes,” Therron straightened himself up taking a defensive stance sensing the anger in Voel’s voice, “you _ don’t _ .”

“What security protocol did you run Therron, and why was I not informed!?” 

“You were asleep, and you do it so rarely... plus you are pretty aggressive when people wake you.” Therron recoiled, clearly uncomfortable with how close Voel was getting to him. “Like right now. You just woke up and now you’re yelling.” 

“I’m not  _ yelling _ Therron, I’m talking in an authoritative voice. Now what ‘security protocol’ did you agree to enact!?What was the name of it Therron!?”

“They have names!?” 

“My  Tallests ...” The somewhat pained voice of Sym greeted them as their Chief of Agenda stumbled into the room her hand on her head that same tired expression on her face that Voel had seen in the  smallers . She bowed as gracefully as she  could. “The Navigators are requesting you refrain from yelling as we all have headaches.” 

“See?” Therron interjected huffily. “You  _ were  _ yelling.” Voel sighed rubbing his forehead. It wasn’t like Sym to approach the  Tallests as she typically preferred to stay in her office and work. She had never been very social, even toward them. 

“I’m _ not  _ yelling” Voel insisted a little more fiercely than he, perhaps, intended to sound. He pulled Therron to the side, not wanting to discuss things in front of the other  Irkens \- as they were matters of security. “Therron, what happened last night?”

“I dunno. I got a message telling me that there was danger on the Massive and the Control Brains needed my permission to enact some security protocol so I authorized it then I went to sleep.” Therron’s explanation cleared up very little and Voel found himself struggling to keep a calm voice. 

“ So let me get this straight: some crazy party happened on the ship and you had to shut it down. And somehow in all of this, my beautiful spear was stolen.” Voel crossed his arms looking accusingly at Therron who looked to Sym as if expecting her to jump to his defense. 

“I mean... maybe?” Therron shrugged.

“I don’t recall there being a party...” Sym did speak, but her reply did nothing to benefit the purple eyed Tallest. “But I don’t recall much as, it appears, I was shot in the head.” She moved the ornate headdress revealing a mostly healed wound from what appeared to be a laser weapon. “So, I’ve been recovering for the last few hours.” 

“Now why did you get yourself shot?” Therron lifted an antenna skeptically. “That’s not part of your job. Don’t do that.” 

“I...” Sym seemed a little taken aback by the sheer obliviousness of her leader as she was temporarily at a loss for words. “Y... yes my Tallest. I will refrain from being shot in the future.” 

“It still sounds like a party.” Voel remarked examining the damage. “I mean, I’ve been shot before at parties. That’s how you know they’re fun.” 

“This is why I never liked going to those Elite parties with you.” Therron made a face. 

“Coward.” Voel smirked. “I’m going to check the security feed on this hallway and then we can get the trial started. Sym, start gathering  Irkens to set up the conference chambers. I’ll need you to also establish a connection with Capitol Planet. I promised Captain Rose an audience and I intend to deliver her one.” 

“Yes sir.” Sym bowed at the waist before hurrying off toward her office. 

“You’re really hung up on this spear thing.” Therron followed Voel as he flew with the hover belt down toward the heart of the Massive. Voel stopped, turning to face his companion, placing a hand on Theron’s armored shoulder. 

“If it came down to saving my spear or you, we would be making funeral arrangements.” 

“Wow, you’re a dick.” 

“I’m mostly joking, now come on.” Voel turned back toward his intended location. It took a moment before he heard Therron follow. 

“I mean- wait-  _ mostly _ !? Voel!” Therron hurried along behind him as they made their way into a large, dark, round chamber. The lighting, what little there was, was red, pulsing with an almost living sort of rhythm, like the thumping of a cardiac  spooch . Along the walls were wires, hundreds of them, hidden by overlaid screens and panels. In the center, with unblinking lights, dimming and brightening in a steady pattern, was a Control Brain. This was the only one on the Massive. Most Control Brains were beneath Irk, shielded and protected from the harshness of the planet’s climate. They were the heart of Irk- the Collective was stored within their ever-expanding archives. The Control Brains were connected as the  Irkens were, which was why the Massive only needed the one to be able to function as if it were a small  Irken city. Any needs the small populace of the Massive would have- this Control Brain would be able to handle alone. 

“Control Brain,” Voel cleared his throat as he addressed the computer authoritatively. As it was addressed, the lights on the Control Brain brightened, casting long shadows of the  Tallests ’ elegant form against the opposing wall. “It seems the  Irkens aboard got a little wild last night and in the chaos my precious spear went missing. Could you replay the footage from the night before so I can see where it was placed?” 

“ ** Ah, good morning Tallest Red ** .” It spoke pleasantly, with each syllable from the synthetic sounding voice, the lights pulsed. “ ** I will check the archived footage. ** ” And with that the lights dimmed again, as the brain processed the request. Voel saw Therron fidgeting with his reader out of the corner of his eyes- clearly the purple-eyed  Irken had grown bored of Voel’s mission. “ ** I am sorry Tallest Red. It appears the cameras were down last night. While there are no obvious damages to the system, foul play cannot be excluded. ** ” Voel paused, trying to process the response. It wasn’t what he had been expecting. At all. 

“Run a diagnostic on the ship. Find out why our cameras were down. I’ll need you to help us mediate a trial today so you can’t be having system errors.” Voel looked at the screens, the cameras all seemed to be working now. However, he could see the lethargy that he had witnessed this morning seemed to be fairly wide spread on the ship. “Therron said you initiated a security protocol last night;  so, you must have thought something was up then.” 

“ ** Affirmative. I requested Tallest Purple to initiate Security Protocol Alpha-Epsilon-01 ** .” Well at least the Control Brain didn’t seem to have memory problems. “ ** I sensed unauthorized intruders on the Massive and that was the most logical way of purging them. ** ” 

“Intruders!?” Therron’s antennae perked up.

“See, this is the kind of information you need to lead with, Control Brain, you can’t just be like: ‘ _ Tallest Red’ how was your day? Are you well? By the way we’re being invaded _ ’.”  Voel did his best impression of the Control Brain’s synthetic, but serene voice. 

“You mean besides the Syndicate, right? I feel like I asked you that last night...” Theron was paying attention now, joining Voel in the front of the room.

“ ** You did. My answer remains the same. The Intruders may or may not be associated with the Syndicate; however, they were not one of the Rangers to whom you granted access ** .” 

“What kind of intruders were they!? Did they take Red Death!?” 

“ ** That is unknown. ** ”

“I need to have a talk with those Syndicate Rangers.” Voel gritted his teeth. 

“Yeah! And that ugly human too!” Therron added huffily. 

“ ** That will be difficult my  ** ** Tallests ** .” The voice never waved from  its almost unnatural calm. “ ** There are no Syndicate currently detected on our Massive. It seems they have fled. ** ” 

“Fled...?” Voel blinked, he leaned forward quite suddenly, his long fingers gripping the sides of the control panel. “Why!?” 

“ ** I am afraid, I do not have an answer to that. Have you considered that this might be some sort of threat? ** ”

“Threat? From the  _ Syndicate _ ?” Voel shook his head. “No... it doesn’t seem like their style at all. It’s something _ we  _ might do- but not them... at least not to their allies.” 

“ ** Perhaps they do not see ** **_ you _ ** ** as allies. ** ” 

“No,” Voel was deep in thought. “No... that doesn’t make sense. They came all this way to have a meeting with us because of... some communication error...” Something just didn’t seem right. “They wouldn’t have wasted their time if all they wanted was a fight. They could have just killed Tenn. We’d have fought them for that... maybe.” 

“ ** It could have been a fabricated story. We do not have record of a communication error. The likelihood of a communications error being overlooked is very low. ** ” 

“True, we don’t miss much. And I ordered those pizzas just fine.” Therron seemed to be easily swayed but to Voel things weren’t quite adding up. 

“ ** The actions of the Syndicate suggest they desire confrontation. ** ”

“If they are behind this, that would mean an  all-out war.” Voel frowned. 

“ ** A war may only be  ** ** declared ** ** by the acting Tallest. ** ” 

“I know that. But hold on.” Voel help up his hand, placing his other one to his head as he tried to think about everything leading up to this point. “There  _ have _ been communications issues. I think they’re telling the truth.  Skoodge’s coms were completely down to the point we declared him dead and he’s fine. And  Zim !” He turned back to the Control Brain. “ Zim got disconnected from the Collective, we never ordered that! Something else is going on here...” 

“ ** It could be more Syndicate tampering. ** ”

“I suppose...” Voel was deep in thought. 

“I mean  Zim might honestly have disconnected himself, he was kind of a wreck.” Therron pointed out. It was a valid point, enough for Voel to sigh turning back to the machine in the center. 

“What would the war protocol entail anyway?” 

“ ** War protocol initiates mass re-assigning. All  ** ** Irkens ** ** will be given military positions in the front lines or aiding those serving in battle ** .” That seemed pretty extreme, but it was about what Voel expected. “ ** And the Collective will be merged into a hive. ** ” Voel stopped dead in his tracks. He reached over grabbing a brightly colored drink from Theron’s hand (Voel wasn’t sure where or when Therron had gotten this drink, but it was irrelevant) as he took a big mouthful and promptly spit it out so he could better emphasize his complete shock. 

“I’m sorry, fucking _ WHAT! _ ?” 

“ ** The  ** ** Irken ** ** Might will fight as one. Victory will be ensured ** .” 

“And who would be the leader of this... ‘hive’.” He narrowed his eyes.

“ ** No  ** ** Irken ** ** has the power in their PAK to effectively run such a massive, unified force. ** ” 

“But you do.” The Control Brain’s silence spoke volumes. Voel thrust the nearly empty cup back in Therron’s hands and Theron looked disappointed at how much remained. “Yeah, no thank you. That sounds creepy as fuck.”

“ ** You did not object to it before. ** ” 

“Excuse me?” 

“ ** What do you think Security Protocol Alpha-Epsilon-01 is? We were able to purge the threat through force ** .” One by one the screens began to flicker to the night before. He saw  Irkens : navigators, chefs, elites- all of them surging through the ship moving as if they were puppets on strings. The vacant, dead expressions on their faces made Voel  squiddly-spooch turn cartwheels.

“Did you do that to US!?” He whirled to face the brain in the center of the room. 

“ ** Of course not ** .” Voel felt only a little better upon realizing he had not been walking, zombified through the halls. “ ** The  ** ** Tallests ** ** are not connected the same way as the lesser  ** ** Irkens ** **. It is a fail-safe established by the first Tallest to prevent a virus from seizing the PAKS of the masses. ** ” 

“Therron, why would you authorize that!?” 

“I didn’t know what it did!” Therron looked equally taken aback by the images on screen, his skin had paled and his eyes were wide, he had backed up against the opposing wall. “I thought we just deployed  Irken Special Ops or something!”

“Look, Control Brain: I’m not comfortable with the war protocol right now- or ever. I’m going to talk to the Syndicate leaders. We can work this out.” He started toward the door. “Also, I want Alpha-Epsilon-01 deleted from our systems.” He paused, turning back in the doorway to face the emotionless, red eyed mass of black steel that sat in the center of the room. “Do you understand?” 

“ ** No ** .” Voel had started to head back toward the exit when he heard the reply. “ ** I do not think you understand, Voel ** .” It was not surprise that had stopped the red-clad Tallest; he physically could not move. “ ** You are being illogical, irrational, and you have forgotten that you are replaceable. ** ” He felt his chest tighten; his vision was starting to grow dim. There was sudden- intense burning pain from his back  that was spreading all over him. 

“VOEL!?” Therron ran to him as Voel began to hunch over, his hover belt ceased to work and, in a  moment, he was keeled over onto his knees. “ Mothra damn it Voel are you okay!?” He wanted to scream that of course he wasn’t fucking okay but as he opened his mouth all that came out were choked gasps. His fingers reached toward his neck- nothing was there but it felt as if a heavy, burning, metal hand was gripping his neck, slowly trying to crush it. 

“ ** Tallest Purple, there is the matter of the war protocol. ** “ 

“War protocol!? Are you crazy!? Something’s wrong with Voel.” Therron's voice sounded rather far away. Voel’s vision was swimming he could barely hear anything over the pounding in his head.  Irkens did not require air all the time- however this choking sensation was killing him. He felt that searing pain radiating like poison from his PAK, slithering through his veins. 

“ ** And something will be wrong with you as well, should the protocol not get initiated. ** ” Therron froze, mouth slightly agape as the reality of the situation hit him. It wasn’t that the purple-clad Tallest was stupid, but rather, he was unwilling to believe how quickly things had turned. Voel’s own choking sounds were the only noise aside from the mechanical hum of the control room. 

“I...” Therron’s own breathing was sounding choked but that could easily have been from intimidation. “I don’t know how.” 

_ Therron you idiot- _ Voel wanted to scream but not even air could slip through the horrible, crushing pressure in his neck and chest-  _ Therron don’t do it! _

“ ** We can show you. Come, Tallest Purple. ** ” Through the growing blotches of darkness, Voel could see the control panel lighting up, awaiting his companion’s touch. 

“And if I do this, I get to live.” 

“ ** Of course. ** ”

“And what about Voel?”

“ ** He knows too much. ** ” 

“And this will benefit Irk?”

“ ** All we do is to benefit Irk. We are programmed with nothing but the deepest devotion to our people. ** ” That toxic, dripping calm must have been poisoning Therron’s thoughts. Voel wanted to scream for him to stop but he could not even lift his head as the darkness consumed his vision. 

“First... I want to see our own data. Voel’s tricky. I want to be certain he dies.” Never before had Voel heard such savageness in his companion’s voice. 

** “As you wish, Tallest Purple. Watch his life trickle away with your own eyes. ** ” And that was the last thing Voel heard as his head hit the ground. All of the guards, the luxuries, the fame- all the eyes of the  Irken people upon him and this was how he ended. 

Alone. 

On a cold, metal floor. 

Slowly, sound returned to him. He did not try to move- concerned that, if this was a mistake, any sudden movements would alert them to the fact that he wasn’t dead. He could hear Therron talking- monologuing more like. 

“And that is why I am obviously the best choice for Tallest and have always been. You see, if you had picked just me to begin with, we wouldn’t have even had all this Voel killing nonsense. But now he’s dead on the floor and someone is going to have to clean it.” Therron gave a rather dramatic sigh and Voel felt the heat of anger surge within him.

“ ** Yes, Tallest Purple. We are very much aware. We were aware when you made the argument initially. We did not require further elaboration. Nor did we ask for it. ** ” If Therron was going to betray him, Voel could at least take solace in the fact that the Control Brains would have to deal with his pompous ass and overly ridiculous standards. “ ** Now you have spent more than enough time in yours and Voel’s personal data. You must initiate the war protocol. We do not wish to wait any further and your insolence is not charming ** .” 

“Excuse you, everything about me is charming!” Therron retorted indignantly. “And it’s always about protocols with you. It’s not about me. Can we name the war thingy, the: Therron Initiative? It has better PR.” 

“ ** It is irrelevant what it is called ** .” 

“Great so we can change the name!” 

“ ** Therron, ** ” The lack of his title was a sign the Control Brain was getting aggressive. “ ** If you do not wish to end up like Voel, you will do as you are told, and promptly ** .” 

“Yeah  yeah .” Therron sighed. Voel was beginning to hate the sound of his voice as he droned on. “But I have one question: How are you going to initiate a kill command on my PAK when I just disconnected us from the Collective?” 

All at once the lights in the room surged a deep, foreboding crimson and the entire Massive seemed to pulse as power poured into those unmoving, electric eyes. 

“VOEL WE GOTTA GO!” Therron grabbed Voel by the wrist.  Voe tried his best to follow, though his body was still recovering from having nearly been shut completely down. The air was flooding back into his respiratory  spooch and he was trying to regain complete use of his limbs. He was really more dragged by his counterpart as the room began sparking. 

“I can’t... run...” Talking was hard, everything hurt. 

“Shit...” Therron pulled him out of the room. All around alarms were beginning to blare. The lighting in the massive had become that same, threatening red. All other lights had dimmed into almost nothing. “That’s not good right?” 

Voel just gave him a look as Therron sighed taking his Tallest gauntlet and firing a laser at the floor right under his feet. The two fell- the hover belts seemingly no longer functioning and they landed in a small row of chairs in some kind of theater. The theater began moving and Voel’s senses were completely assaulted by some abomination of a song being chanted in Irken by lifeless animatronic versions of the  Massive’s crew. 

“Therron... what... the fuck?” 

“It’s our: Meeting the Tallest Orientation System! Made it myself.” He seemed proud. 

“It’s... a song... telling people... to fuck themselves.” 

Therron laughed. “Yeah.” 

One by one, however, the little singing  Irkens stopped their happy chittering, the little, beady eyes of various colors and shapes all began to illuminate a familiar red. One by one the heads snapped toward the two  Tallests and the little mouths opened releasing a horrible, antennae splitting noise that disoriented them both. The noise was not letting up either as Voel managed to roll himself onto the floor, forcing his arms up to press his antennae flat to his head trying to stop the dizzying vibrations all around him. It was nauseating- he wanted to hurl the contents of his last few snacks onto the floor of this animatronic hell-scape. 

All around the lights pulsed and that noise reverberated through the tunnels, engulfing them- completely nullifying their senses. 

“WAIT FOR IT!” Therron screamed- at least- Voel was pretty sure that was what was said as the sound had completely drowned him out and Voel was going off of what non-verbal cues he could recognize in spite of his swirling vision. 

One moment they were hurtling forward and then-

Silence. 

The helmet on the armor had immediately activated the moment they hit the icy vacuum of space. They were floating, looking up at the form of the Massive as it continued on its path without them. Voel watched as everything he knew started  drifting out into the stars. 

“They’re leaving us...” Therron finally spoke, Voel could hear his voice on the small communicator in the helmet. He sounded... lost. 

“They tried to kill us.” He looked to his  companion , floating beside him. 

“I... know...” 

“I....” Voel sighed, he wasn’t good at comforting other  Irkens . He wasn’t a socialite by any means. “Thanks for saving me... back there I mean.”

“Well... yeah if you died, I’d actually have to work.” 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Voel laughed but there was no humor in it. It was just an empty noise “I really thought you were betraying me though. I was planning your death.” 

“I thought about it.” Therron’s laugh also sounded empty. 

“Did you really?” 

“No.” The silence of space had never felt so stifling. Voel closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. He could not feel anything- the other  Irkens \- the Collective- he was completely isolated. The thought made his breath catch in his throat as he turned to Therron. 

“So... what was the next part of your plan?”

“I...” Therron lifted a finger, then closed his mouth, lowering his hand once more. “I don’t really have one? I’m more of a  _ spontaneous _ sort of  Irken .” 

“Is it spontaneous to die of starvation in space? Because that is the next part of this plan right now. We die of starvation in space.” Voel narrowed his eyes. 

“Okay, obviously no. I didn’t want us to die.” Therron retorted. 

“But you had no rescue plan.” 

“Look I didn’t have to save  _ you _ at all!” 

“Fine, sorry.” Voel hated to admit that Therron had a point. “I’m just grouch because I almost died. But I didn’t, and that’s because of your fast thinking.”

“Exactly. I distracted the Control Brains long enough so that I could use the control panel to disconnect our PAKs from the Collective. I figured if they can’t sense us, they can’t automatically murder us the way they almost did you.” 

“Huh...” Voel nodded thoughtfully. “That was pretty smart...” 

“Thank you.” Knowing how Therron had saved him gave Voel a new respect for his fellow Tallest. It figured he knew a bit about how the  Irken’s data worked in relation to the Collective. Therron was always snooping on Irkens in order to kill the time. He knew the ins and outs of every relationship on the Massive. 

“Hey Therron?” Voel turned to look at his companion.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think anything like this happened to Tallest Miyuki?” 

“I  dunno , maybe. I thought she just got like... eaten or something.” 

“Yeah, but could it have been orchestrated by the Control Brains?” 

“How would I know that Voel?” Therron finally looked back over at him. Voel shrugged. 

“Just making small talk.” 

“Hey Voel?” 

“Yeah?’ 

“Do you think Cor and  Skoop are going to get over their breakup?” 

“The Navigators?” 

“Yeah.”

“They were dating?” 

“Sweet  Mothra Voel, you have zero awareness.” 

Voel turned his head to look back into the void of space. He could see the Massive zipping away, growing smaller with every passing second. His ocular implants could see for miles in the star-dusted expanse but he couldn’t see much of a way out. 

“You think  she's out there?” 

“Huh?” Therron struggled to turn and look in the direction of Voel’s gaze. “Who?” 

“ Mothra ... you think she’s really out there?” 

“I don’t think now’s the time to get religious, Voel.” Therron relaxed back into his original position. Voel shrugged, closing his eyes again. This wasn’t exactly how he wanted to spend his last moments- floating in the cosmos having small talk with Therron. It just felt like he had accomplished nothing. The highest position on Irk and he was here- alone. All his successes had meant nothing. He had given up so much to be Tallest  and, in the end, ...

Had it been worth it?

“Voel?” He didn’t open his eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

“There’s a ship.”

“WHAT!?” Eyes immediately fluttered open. Sure enough, a very small, very basic little  voot cruiser was gliding its way toward them. Voel quickly oriented himself, his PAK was not working much- even his thrusters were barely responsive so he did his best to flail and wave to try and be as large a target as possible. Sure enough, the little cruiser came to a stop and the door was opened. 

Voel grabbed on, offering a hand to Therron and pulling him in the door. The entrance closed shut behind them and the two fell to the ground as gravity returned. Voel tried his best to recover- hoping the smaller who owned this cruiser had not seen him fall. 

“We’re commandeering this ship.” Voel strode forward with unwavering confidence as he spun the driver’s seat around and immediately felt his blood turn to ice. 

Empty. 

No one was piloting the ship. 

“ ** No. ** **_ I  _ ** ** am driving. ** ” All at once he felt sick. He heard a small gasp from Therron who immediately turned back toward the door to leave. “ ** None of that. Calm down. I am not one of them. ** ” 

“ _ One of them _ ?” Voel repeated, his antennae straight in the air, his teeth bared. The voice was different- distinctively so. It was more animated had more inflection despite its synthetic nature. It did not sound like any Control Brain he had heard before. “Who are you!? Who sent you!?” 

A figure shimmered into view: a hologram. It was pale skinned, with an  Irken helm, decorated with five blue lights (pairs of two centered around a central, larger light). It wore  Irken style clothing, a black militaristic suit with the  Irken letters CB embroidered in red on its chest. Under the helmet the features were distinctively not  Irken \- more akin to that large headed ‘Dib’ creature  Zim had always been toying with back on Earth, or the Kryptonian. It even had hair- though this hair was blue. 

“ ** My Master specifically requested I keep an eye on things here and report back if the  ** ** Tallests ** ** needed assistance ** .” It was no Control Brain of Irk- it had too much alien technology like a  Frankenstein of programs- but it was an AI (an advanced one at that). 

“And who is your Master?” Voel demanded. 

“ ** I will take you to see him. ** ” The program turned around and began to pantomime operating the controls of the cruiser. It seemed a little pointless as the hologram could not touch anything and it was piloting through programming- but Voel didn’t question it. If anything, the weird behavior assured him that this was no Irken Control Brain. 

“Excellent.” Voel nodded.

“Any  Irken capable of programming something like you is impressive.” Therron gave the AI a once-over, “I mean you are as ugly as sin but you’re incredibly advanced.” 

“ ** Yes, my creator is the greatest of all  ** ** Irken ** ** inventors. ** ” The AI replied simply. “ ** Now, if you will give me a moment, I shall pass the time with a cultural song- a ballad from the planet on which I was constructed ** .” Voel nodded. 

“Go ahead, Computer.” It would be useful to hear the song regardless, as it would help Voel; pinpoint where they were headed. The AI nodded pretending to take a deep breath. 

“ ** Two billion bottles of poop cola on the wall, two billion bottled of poop cola. Take one down, pass it around:  ** ** one billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine bottles of Poop Cola on the wall... ** ” 

“Ah fuck.” The  Tallests spoke in unison as their expressions changed from relief and  intrigue to those of horror. But it was Therron who recovered quickly enough to voice their-incredibly justified- incredulousness at the realization. 

“You were made by Zim weren’t you!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THE PLOT IS OFFICIALLY UNDERWAY! I am super excited to know what you guys thought of this chapter!!! Please let me know in the comments!


	24. Happy birthday!

Skoodge and  Zim sat at the table in  Zim’s kitchen with a bag of rapidly vanishing chips between them as both  Irkens tried their best to continue as normal despite the heavy air of impending war that seemed to have settled in the base. “I mean,”  Skoodge shoved a handful of chips in his mouth as he thought about the question  Zim had asked. “Are we talking like an actual fight? Or a battle of wits? Because there’s a difference.”

“Actual fight.”  Zim replied quickly. “No weapons either- just natural talent.”

“Are cybernetic enhancements considered weapons?” 

“Hmm...”  Zim had to think on this. “No. But any guns in the cybernetics are weapons and are offline.” Skoodge paused.

“I see.” This was a hard question, given that the only details were ones he had gotten from  Zim . “Then I suppose if your entire class from when you first landed on Earth were to get into a Battle Royal, I would imagine the teacher would have won.” 

“See!”  Zim sounded satisfied. “That’s what I said! Bitters would have easily been the victor- excluding myself. However, obviously I’m the one hosting the fight.” 

“Obviously.”  Skoodge agreed. 

“But Dib thinks he would have won.” 

“Oh... oh no. That’s unlikely.” 

“Exactly!”  Zim’s point was a little lost as at that very moment, a soft, toy bullet struck the  Irken directly in the back of the head.  Zim whipped around just in time to see Tenn retreating back into the ceiling. Skoodge had seen her poking her head out and aiming her toy gun, but had decided not to intervene.Tenn seemed to enjoy her little fire fights- and the gun was fake anyway. “Tenn!”  Zim grabbed a different toy gun from under the table and fired it at the hole in the  ceiling . 

“CELING SNIPER CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTORY!” Tenn’s giggling voice announced her triumph as  Zim’s dart hit the tiles and bounced harmlessly to the floor. Tenn had moved in with  Zim and  Skoodge when the Syndicate had decided she had been a great ally during the escape from the Massive. While they still had most of her PAK functions locked- she was no longer in prison; now she was on house-arrest... in  Zim’s house. 

“Stupid ceiling sniper.”  Zim grumbled putting the gun back on the table.  Skoodge lifted an antenna as he saw the ceiling continue to move. 

“She’s coming back.” He warned, but it was too late as  Zim was nailed with another squishy dart to the head. Both of  Zim’s antennae drooped in annoyance. “Told you.” 

“CB will you stand idly by and do NOTHING to protect your Master!?”  Zim huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I think we all know he won’t bother helping you.”  Skoodge replied, taking a sip from the mug he had filled with an  Irken beverage they had managed to make with just the weird ingredients on Earth. “Your security AI is an asshole.” 

“It’s a security AI?” Tenn asked as she poked her head out from her ceiling fortress, now interested in the conversation. “I thought it was just like an entertainment AI or something.”

“It was supposed to be the AI for my home base.”  Zim put his head on the table. “But he has not done much to actually protect the base.”  Skoodge kept quiet as he knew that  Zim was lying to Tenn. He had weaseled out CB’s true purpose and if she knew- it was likely she would take  Skoodge’s very uneasy stance on the matter. 

“ ** Sorry, were you attacked ** ?” CB must have picked up on the fact that the  Irkens were  discussing him, as his little hologram shimmered into view. 

“Twice.”  Zim glared at his AI making an emphatic gesture toward Tenn. “Where were you?!”

“ ** Busy. ** ” 

“Busy?”  Skoodge narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like when CB was cryptically vague. He wasn’t 100% on board with CB as a concept and the idea of a defective Control Brain  withholding information from him, left him with a sour taste in his mouth. 

“ ** Affirmative. By the way, Dib is calling. ** ” 

“Why?”  Zim made a face. It seemed the former Invader was not at all distressed by the dismissive attitude of his computer. 

“ ** I do not know. I typically ignore him when he is talking about things unrelated to me. ** ” 

“Why not just call my cellphone?” Zim blinked. 

“ ** Because, Master, if you recall: GIR ate your cellphone ** .” 

“ ** IT TASTED LIKE LONELINESS AND FAJITAS! ** ” The SIR chimed in running back and forth through CB’s holographic form making the AI visibly cringe. 

“That’s right. That did happen, didn’t it? And you did not want to retrieve the phone for me despite my commands!” He pointed an accusatory claw in CB’s  direction . 

“ ** I am not putting my hands in GIR’s mouth, Master. I have seen what goes in there. I would do many things for you- but I still have  ** ** standards ** **. ** ” 

“ ** And  ** **_ I  _ ** ** don’t ** !” GIR added helpfully.

“CB you coward.” 

“ ** Sir, I- ** ”

“COWARD! Now patch the fat headed human slug through for  Zim .” 

“ ** As you wish ** .” CB vanished and was replaced by a hologram of  Zim’s human companion who looked as if he had not slept since the Earth was formed (so, no different from how he usually appeared). Tenndropped down from the ceiling, intrigued.

“Hey  Zim , I’m guessing your cellphone is still unavailable?” Dib asked dryly. All at once the three  Irkens looked to the defective SIR who was shoving a potted plant into his mouth- roots first. They looked back to Dib in one fluid motion. 

“Yes.”  Zim replied simply. 

“How’s progress on the war  declaration ?”  Skoodge asked. He could have gone to the Captain, herself, but with things as uneasy as they were between the  Irkens and  the Syndicate and the moment (despite Skoodge ,  Zim , and Tenn being considered heroes) the robust (former) Invader felt uncomfortable going into a Syndicate meeting. 

“Lor says it’s progressing as expected.” Dib gave a shrug. “I’ll be honest, the Syndicate has a lot more bureaucracy  than I was envisioning.” 

“That’s the Syndicate in a nutshell: be free, be proud, be unified, and spend a better part of your adult years filling out forms in triplicate.”  Skoodge mused. 

“Nice.” Tenn and  Zim both high fived Skoodge. 

“Hey!” Lor popped into the holographic image looking offended. “We’re trying to go about this as diplomatically as we can. We should be having the meeting with our High Council by tomorrow afternoon, Earth time.” 

“You haven’t even met with the High Council yet?” Skoodge lifted one of his antennae. “It’s been _ weeks _ .” 

“It’s a  _ process _ , Mister  Skoodge .” Lor huffed. 

“Anyway,” Dib nudged Lor gently to move him out of the main focus of the camera. “I just needed to ask you guys something, and you can say: _ no _ . In fact, I implore you all to say no. But my stepmom is insisting that I invite some ‘friends’ over to celebrate my birthday today. I told her that now is really not the time for this but you have seen how pushy she gets. And because she wants it, now dad is bothering me about it and it’s awful.” 

“What’s a birthday?” Tenn looked to the other Irkens for an answer. 

“I’ve been here three years, and honestly, I’m still not entirely sure about the concept.” Lor admitted, leaning partially over Dib to reply. 

“ Zim knows this!” The smallest of the Invaders spoke up with immense pride. “It is a celebration of the days humans are hatched.”

“Oh. I thought humans gave birth to live young.”  Skoodge lowered his voice.

“Well they do, and don’t look it up because it’s horrifying.” Zim also lowered his voice. 

“Live young usually  is .” Tenn added, also now whispering. 

“So that’s something you celebrate on Earth?”  Skoodge tilted his head uncertainly. As of their visit to the Massive,  Skoodge had found himself in the same situation as  Zim . The Tallest, at some point, had disconnected him from the Collective as well, which explained why it was so easy for his fellow  Irkens to mistake him for being dead. However, this disconnect made it slightly harder to gather information on command from his PAK. It could still be done, but the process was now more tedious, and thus he just preferred having things explained, rather than wasting his energy on looking up dumb facts about human culture. “Weren’t you cloned?”

“You guys can just not go.” Dib put his hand to his face and dragged it down slowly in exasperation. “Remember? I said that at the beginning. I mean, Lor is already going and for some reason the Captain and Conner insisted on coming-”

“We are also coming then!”  Zim cut him off, holding out his hand in a  declarative stance. “The  Irkens will not be out- birthdayed by Syndicate scum!” 

“I’m still in the call you know.” Lor narrowed his eyes. 

“ Zim didn’t mean it.”  Skoodge and  Tenn both quickly grabbed  Zim trying to cover his mouth.  Sure, Skoodge had made a joke at the Syndicate’s expense, but he had not gone so far as to call them scum to their faces. However, for a small  Irken ,  Zim was surprisingly strong and squirmy. He was able to get free with ease. 

“ Zim means scum as a term of friendly banter.”  Zim added. “I know things are not great between the Syndicate and the Empire right now, but we are still friends.”

“It might not be a terrible idea to go just as a show of good faith...” Tenn looked to  Skoodge for confirmation. “It could help to remind the Captain that not all  Irkens are murder-zombies  before she goes to speak with the High Council.” 

“I don’t think a party is really going to make her forget about all the homicide attempts, but we’ll be happy to have you guys.” Lor replied with a cheerful little wave. Dib didn’t look particularly happy, but he didn’t look upset either. He seemed indifferent, more or less, to the  Irkens choice to attend the birthday celebration. 

“We’ll go.”  Skoodge agreed. “It won’t mend the rift the assault on the Massive created- but it might help ease the tensions.”

“Great. I’ll see you guys at my apartment around six. If you don’t come though, I really won’t care.” Dib reiterated his opening statement about the party being optional. However, there was more to this event than just the arbitrary celebration of his successful cloning.  Skoodge had not had the chance to talk to Captain Rose since she more or less left Tenn on  Zim’s doorstep. 

“Oh! And you  gotta bring a gift!” Lor added before Dib could hang up the call. “I have been to enough birthdays to know that custom.” 

“Gift?” Tenn’s antenna perked up. “ So you get offerings on your day? I want a birthday.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” Dib sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Are the Syndicate bringing gifts?”  Zim asked, skeptically. 

“God, I hope not.” Dib replied. However, at the same time Lor added: “They are!” 

“Then we will bring gifts too! We will be at your party at seven, human filth!” And with that  Zim ended the call.  Skoodge looked at the clock seeing it was already noon. That didn’t really leave them a whole lot of time to research  birthdays and get Dib gifts. Still it didn’t seem like Dib expected too much from them, so  Skoodge was confident they wouldn’t be held to much scrutiny. Plus, it seemed almost every guest would be an alien (and he knew the Syndicate well enough to know they were not well acquainted with the concept of birthdays either). 

The whole day was pretty much trying to learn everything they could about birthdays and birthday parties. Humans had dedicated a lot of their filmography to the concept- so it had to be important. Honestly, as far as  Skoodge was concerned, it was nice to have something to think about aside from the impending, intergalactic war. 

Even if it was a stupid concept like a birthday. 

They also had to help Tenn with her human disguise. She was capable of designing it herself, but since she had no access to her Invader’s equipment, she had to rely on  Zim’s base for its construction. By the time they were all ready to go to the apartment, it was already 7:00. The  Irkens ended up piling into a rental car (their previous car had been  Skoodge’s cruiser, which had been blown up on the Massive) and Skoodge drove them back to the apartment complex where he and  Zim had initiated their first show down with the Syndicate. 

There were a few cars he didn’t really recognize outside along with the vehicles  Skoodge knew belonged to Dib and Lor respectively. He turned around, checking that everyone had their gifts and were disguised adequately enough in the unlikely event Dib had other friends in attendance. Once he was satisfied, they piled out of the car and headed to the door. Dib answered, looking a tad surprised to see them. “You actually showed up.” 

“Of course! We were _ invited _ !”  Zim sounded genuinely offended by Dib’s comment. “And  Zim will be damned if he lets the Syndi-” Dib put a hand to the  Irken’s mouth. 

“Shh.” 

“Junior, who is it?” The Membrane mother’s voice called to Dib from the apartment’s interior.  Skoodge immediately realized to whom the other cars must belong. 

“Just some friends.” Dib stepped aside letting the  Irkens in the apartment where the three other members of Dib’s family unit were already sitting. 

“Dad, you  remember Zim .” 

“The little green boy!” Professor Membrane looked over, seeing  Zim in his new disguise. “And he has been cured!” 

“Medical science is a marvel.” Dib replied flatly. 

“ Zim it’s good to see you again.” Moira Membrane stood and  Skoodge and Tenn immediately had to look up as she ended up being quite the toweringly tall woman. All the  Membranes stood over six feet, which for  Irkens , was incredible. 

“Oh, this is  Skoodge .”  Zim replied without thinking. “My...” he trailed off looking to Dib, then  Skoodge , then Tenn for any sort of help. “... husband?” He posed it more like a question but the Membranes didn’t seem to catch the hesitation. 

“Lovely to meet you!  Zim’s been a great friend of Dib’s for years.” Moira offered her hand to  Skoodge who shook it.

“Oh yes,  Zim introduced us before.”  Skoodge did his best to parrot the human small talk he had seen on the soap operas that always seemed to be playing whenever he finally  weaseled control of the TV from either of the busted robots in  Zim’s base. 

“And  Tenn is my...”  Zim faltered again. “Wi-” He was going to say  wife as the ‘husband’ comment had been so readily accepted. But  Skoodge realized it was not common for humans to have multiple spouses and quickly cut him off. 

“Widowed sister.”  Skoodge finished with seamless confidence. “Tenn is  Zim’s sister, recently widowed and came to live with him.” 

“Yes! Widowed sister! Her spouse was killed in honorable combat...by... um...”  Zim was unable to quit while ahead and was faltering again. “Santa...” Skoodge brought his own hand to his face and dragged it down in complete exasperation, but when he looked up, he saw the professor, eyes watery behind the goggles, as if he were holding back tears. He fell to his knees and placed a black gloved hand on  Tenn’s shoulder, sniffling audibly. 

“We’ll get him one day. Stay strong.” 

“I try every day.” Tenn played along perfectly with her contacts filling with tears as she looked dramatically off to the side. 

“Honey,” Moira patter her husband on the shoulder and the professor stood back up. 

“Right! No time for life-long vendettas! This is a celebration of my boy child!” He patted Dib on the back, surprising the clone as he stumbled forward a bit- clearly not expecting the sudden affection. “Sit down, you can put your gifts on the table!” 

“Is this everyone, Junior?” Moira asked as  Zim ,  Skoodge , and  Tenn were ushered to the couch were Dib's sister was playing on a hand-held Game Station;  Skoodge recognized  Carrius’s human form sitting with Lor; and the Captain’s human disguise at the table. (At least,  Skoodge was pretty sure that was the Captain, he had not seen her human disguise before, but the older looking human woman was a Tangean ). 

“It’s everyone I invited.” Dib surveyed the room with the  faintest hint of a smile. 

“Great! Your father and I will grab the cake!” And with that the ginger haired  woman whisked herself away, toward the kitchen. 

“Did she put lasers in the cake?” The Captain asked, taking a sip from a coffee mug in front of her. Dib laughed. 

“I mean, given their track record-”

“Did you want lasers in it?” His dad’s voice called from the kitchen.  Skoodge assumed one of the many cybernetic implants he had picked up on both of the Membrane parents was responsible for the increased range of hearing. “Because your mother and I have been working out a new sugar-based weapon system that-”

“It was a joke, dad!” Dib called back. 

“Good hearing...” Carrius remarked, looking in the direction of the Membranes. 

“Thank you! We invented the cybernetic implants ourselves!” The professor’s voice shouted back in response. It wasn’t long before they emerged with a nicely sized cake, decorated with cute but cliché looking little aliens and flying saucers (no Invader that Skoodge knew would be caught dead in something so clunky and old). There was a number 21 on the cake, which  Skoodge figured was the number of consecutive years in which Dib had been successfully alive. It wasn’t all that impressive given all three  Irkens had a hundred years on him, but it was quaint that the humans found it something worth celebrating. They even ignited the cake and had Dib extinguish the flames (perhaps as a display of power?). The cake was then dismembered and distributed to the guests.  Skoodge kept an eye on how much the  Irkens would try to consume as human food was not easy on  Irken digestion. So far though, Skoodge was enjoying himself. 

Of course, it was difficult to do any real talking with the Membrane parents, hovering around Dib, constantly in conversation. 

“We can leave you alone to have fun with your friends, Diego, but first your father and I want to give you your gift.” Moira must have been able to read the room because after the cake was devoured and cleaned up, she started to gather their things. 

“You really don’t have to...” Dib, throughout the whole day, seemed a bit like he was in shock. He kept looking around as if not quite believing what was in front of him. 

“Nonsense son! It’s a great gift!” His father replied,  proudly . 

“It’s not some kind of weird, crazy weapon, again; is it?” Dib looked skeptically at his parents who exchanged a confused look. 

“No darling, why? Did you want one?” 

“Seriously son,” the professor put a hand to his shoulder, “just  name the type of weapon and ammo you want it to fire. And, I cannot stress this enough, if you say you want a rifle that fires live honey badgers- I have great news.”

“What?” Dib squinted at his father in complete disbelief. 

“ Never mind ! Here is your gift son!” His father handed him a very small, wrapped box. Confused, Dib unwrapped it, opening the lid and taking out a small projector. 

“Wow... thanks...” He held the hologram projector up. 

“That’s... that’s not the gift, Junior.” His mom sighed. “Press the button.” Dib did as instructed; pressing the blinking blue button and a three-dimensional hologram of a nicely sized warehouse-looking building appeared. The image zoomed in, displaying a lab filled with all sorts of equipment for every branch of science. Dib blinked. 

“Wait... is this...?” 

“Your own lab! The address is on the back of the projector!” Dib’s mother was absolutely grinning with anticipation as the realization clicked in. 

“We thought it was about time you had your own workspace, son.” 

“Really!?” Dib’s eyes lit up as he finally understood the gift in full. “This is amazing! All of the equipment in it too? That’s all mine!?” 

“All yours son,” Membrane put a hand on his son’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. “We’re very proud of you.” Dib was completely in shock, he kept messing with the hologram, looking at all the new gear that he would have at his fingertips. Skoodge had to admit, this would be a benefit to their needs as well. Dib had just gained quite the array of resources. If things didn’t come to a peaceful conclusion with the Syndicate and Earth got put in danger- they might need to use some of the supplies the Membranes had just offered. “It’s got a retinal scanner, so if you replace your eyes with better ones, you’ll need to recode the security system.”

“Yeah  yeah , that makes sense.” Dib was still  enthralled with the hologram. “Thank you... thank you both.” 

“And that new telescope,” Moira zoomed in on a rather intricate looking telescope that was positioned at the heart of the lab, “that’s from your sister.” 

“You bought me the telescope I wanted?” Dib looked over to Gaz who briefly looked up, a smirk on her face. 

“Don’t think too much on it. You hadn’t stopped  whining about that thing since it went on the market and I just wanted you to shut up.”

“What a good sister,” Moira mused, chuckling to herself. “Well, we’ll leave you to have your fun. Gazline , are you coming back with us?” Moira looked over to the purple haired human who was still relaxed on the couch.

“Nah, I’ll stay a little longer.” 

“That’s fine, you took your own car so just text us when you’re heading home or if you need a lift.” Moira didn’t push the issue. “Happy birthday Diego.”

“Happy Birthday, son!” And with that they left- or- began to leave; because immediately the door opened back up. “Oh, we saw your weird, radioactive cat pawing at the door so we let it in.” And the door closed again. Dib  leapt to his feet. 

“Radioactive cat- wait!” There was the sound of bones crunching and skin stretching as Q shifted into his humanoid form, entering the room. “Why the fuck  are you here!?” There was no answer that  Skoodge was able to understand, but clearly Q had spoken as Dib recoiled, making a face. “What do you mean you want cake!? I thought you ate souls or some shit.” Dib’s expression grew more annoyed. “I’m not being dramatic- fuck you.” 

“We can all agree the Parasite sucks,” Tenn waved off Dib’s concern. “But you have more gifts to open!” She ran to the table grabbing her own gift and offering it forward. 

“I didn’t even tell him where we lived...” Dib was still looking  uncomfortable at Q who had snagged part of the leftover cake and was helping himself.

“Open my gift!” Tenn demanded. Dib sighed, taking the box and opening it. His face looked completely unsurprised. 

“This is a gun.”

“It’s an IRKEN gun!” Tenn specified.

“Ch, that’s lame! Dib open mine!” Carrius hopped off the couch running to the table and handing Dib a bigger box. Dib’s expression had not changed, and  continued to stay stagnant as he opened the box from Carrius and looked inside. 

“Another gun.” 

“A SYNDICATE  gun !” 

“Thanks...” Dib sighed putting both guns back on the table. The weapons had gotten the interest of Gaz who got up from her seat on the couch, examining each of the guns with intrigue. “We don’t really need to do gifts though-” 

“Open  Zim’s next!”  Zim leapt over  Skoodge in an attempt to grab his box from the table. He shoved it forcefully in Dib’s arms. Dib sighed and began to open the box. He looked inside, then back at  Zim who puffed his chest out proudly. “You are speechless with the amazingness of  Zim’s truly awesome gift!” The Irken smirked. 

“I... don’t know what it is.” Dib pulled a small, glassy-eyed and vaguely  Irken looking little robot.  Zim blinked looking slightly confused himself. But he cleared his throat, shaking his head. He took the robot from Dib. 

“It’s one of  Zim’s inventions!” 

“And what does it do?” 

“It... hm...”  Zim frowned. “ Zim forgets. But it is clearly something incredible! So incredible I probably made myself forget so the information doesn’t fall into the hands of the enemy.” All at once the tiny doll began to let out a very loud, piercing wail. Everyone jumped back and  Zim nearly dropped it. “Ah HA!” he shouted over the shrieks. “That’s what it does!”

“It screams!?” Dib asked as he covered his ears. 

“It’s not that bad.”  Zim sounded annoyed and confirmed  Skoodge’s suspicion that  Zim was at least mostly deaf. “But no. It only screams if you take it from its spot.”

“Well put it the fuck back!” Dib ordered. 

“Well that is hard to do because it sometimes changes its spot arbitrarily and you need to figure out where it wants to go.”  Zim scurried around the apartment putting the doll in all sorts of weird spots. All of the sudden, the screaming stopped and the doll sat contented on a small stack of books in the corner of the hallway.

“What if I need those books...?” Dib raised an eyebrow. 

“You don’t. They belong to the doll now.”  Zim patted Dib’s arm. The human shook his head but there seemed to be a small smile on his face. 

“Thanks  Zim .” 

“ ** You should open my gift ** .” CB’s voice piped up from Dib’s phone on the table.  Zim blinked. 

“Oh right! CB wanted us to give you this.” There was a beautifully wrapped little gift complete with a perfectly  symmetrical bow. Dib ripped it open and pulled out a rather advanced wrist watch, constructed (at least in part) with  Irken technology. 

“ ** It is a smart watch ** .” 

“Oh, wow CB. Thank you. That is really thoughtful.” Dib was looking it over, intrigued by the new tech. He powered it on and the blue lights illuminated across the face and band. 

“ ** And it is me. I am the operating system. ** ” 

“Right.  Of course you are.” Dib sighed. “Aren’t you already my phone, car, and my  parents' house AI? Do you need to be the watch?” 

“ ** Yes. I like to be lots of things. Also, GIR made you a sandwich. The other part of my gift is that I threw it out of a window. The ingredients would have killed you. ** ”

“Thank  you CB .” Dib put the watch on, if only to please the AI for the time being. As he turned back around a very dead rat was dropped at his feet. Dib looked at Q who had gone through all of the trouble of putting a bow in it. “Ew.” He remarked dryly. There was a moment of silence before Dib narrowed his eyes at the seven-eyed abomination. “I find it very hard to believe that giving people dead rats is a ‘part of your culture’.” 

“It’s not.”  Skoodge interjected as he grabbed his gift from the table. He stepped over the dead rat as he handed his box to Dib. 

“Is this another gun?” 

“No.” He  assured him. Dib shrugged,  unwrapping the gift. His eyes widened and he got a genuinely excited expression. 

“Is this all of Mysterious Mysteries on HD  Blu-Ray;Sonic : X12?” 

“Yes, I heard it was your favorite show.”

“That’s...  actually really nice of you  Skoodge .” Dib put the box set back on the table. 

“Are we doing gifts now?” The Captain took a sip from her cup, watching Dib’s array of  bizarre gifts as they were each revealed. “You can have an A on a paper.” 

“Which one?” Dib blinked. 

“I don’t know, Diego,” The Captain heaved a heavy sigh, “you’ve turned in so little.” Dib had a bit of a guilty expression as he rubbed the back of his head. 

“I think that’s academic fraud, actually.” Dib was starting to protest, but Lor interrupted grabbing a carefully wrapped little box from the table. 

“ Ooo can we do my gift!?” 

“Sure, why not?” Dib shrugged taking the box and unwrapping it. There was a small, floating sphere inside. Dib squinted at it in confusion. “It’s... a snowglobe?” 

“No  no , you  gotta do this...” Lor pressed on the side of the globe and the room become filled with a projection of a galaxy complete with the planets’ orbits mapped out with helpful little rings. “And you can zoom in and out by moving your hand.” Lor demonstrated with a flick of his wrist that brough them to a very distinct blue planet with swirling, wild clouds. There were land masses barely visible beneath the misty atmosphere. “See, that’s my home planet...” 

“I thought your home planet was destroyed.” Gaz spoke up, confirming she was very much aware of her surroundings despite never really looking up. 

“Not that one, the one I was raised on.” Lor replied quickly.  Skoodge recognized the hazy blue sphere as Capitol Planet- it seemed the entire map was just demonstrating Syndicate territory with some added flair. Dib must not have realized he had received the Syndicate equivalent of a map because he was entranced by the images. “Plus, it matches that tattoo you have on your back, I figured you just liked that space aesthetic.” 

“ So you know about my brother’s dorky back tattoo.” Gaz smirked. Lor’s face reddened slightly. 

“I mean...” he cleared his throat, letting the subject drop. Dib seemed to have missed the conversation entirely as he was completely entranced by the galaxy on display in his  living room .

“Lor, this is amazing...” 

“It’s actually not.”  Zim piped up. “It’s just fancy Syndicate propaganda.” Zim walked over, tapping his finger to the hologram of Capitol Planet and pulling up a helpful blurb in  Tangean that outlined the planet and its most popular sites. “And since you can’t read  Tangean it’s not even good propaganda.” The former Invader  tisked , shaking his head in disappointment. “This is why I am the Dib-stink's best friend,  Kryptonian .” 

“ ** Actually, ** ** I am Dib’s best friend. He said it on the ship ** .” 

“You are still grounded for like  septuple forever CB so you can just shut up.” 

“Well actually I’m Dib b-” Lor was beginning to say something else but he was cut off by  Tenn and Carrius who had apparently decided that the only way to decide who had the better gun was to arm wrestle for it.  Tenn , despite her superior  Irken strength, must have not realized the size discrepancy was quite a disadvantage because  Carrius ended up straight-up throwing her into the coffee table that had been hidden by the hologram. 

“Really guys?” Dib had not been paying attention to all the buildup to the tossing of a small  Irken through a solid glass table had come out of nowhere for him. Q must have taken this as an invitation as one of the writhing, red, tentacled appendages he had poorly disguised as a scarf, grabbed  Zim by the ankle and in, one fluid motion, tossed him on top of Tenn. “Hey! Stop throwing people- all of you!” Dib’s words had not even left his mouth before Q, himself went flying into the  Irken pile. Dib whipped around “LOR!” 

“Sorry, I thought it was a customary thing.” Lor, with his  heightened speed, must have been the one who threw Q. 

“Stand down boys, this is school property.” The Captain didn’t make much of a move to actually intervene as she remained sitting at the table, rubbing her temples. 

“Well Carrius is the one who broke the table- and also my door.” Lor tried to defend himself as he looked at the shattered table.  Zim and Tenn were fine, of course (and Q too,  Skoodge supposed, but he didn’t actually care), but  Zim looked irate. “Did I mention that in my report? He kicked down my door so he could make a dramatic entrance.” 

“And it _ was _ dramatic.  So I was successful. Sacrifices had to be made, brother.”  Carrius sounded far too pleased with the results. 

“Rematch!” Tenn was instantly back on her feet. 

“You’re on!” 

“ Zim gets the wrestle with the winner to prove superiority!”  Zim declared, standing on top of Q only to get tossed into a wall by another scarf-like  extremity as the Parasite stood up. 

“My money is  on the Irken .” Gaz remarked as she relaxed back on the couch, with Q having been tossed, she now had considerably more room. 

“Guys come on not in the apartment...” Dib began to protest, but trailed off. He sighed, but gradually, it turned into a chuckle, then a laugh.  Skoodge briefly wondered if this was some sort of mental breakdown caused by stress- as  humans could be prone to those in times of great duress. However, his scanners indicated Dib was actually quite happy. 

“Is this why you did not initially want a party?”  Skoodge had to ask given that things had quickly devolved into chaos in the house. (He had to feel bad for Captain Rose as it appeared her new First Officer and her ship’s doctor both shared a single, collective braincell that  had to be exchanged between the two of them). 

“No... actually, it’s the best birthday I’ve ever had...” Dib was still laughing, though it had quieted, slightly. “Which is really sad given what everyone’s been through.” 

“That  _ is _ sad.”  Zim remarked, trying to re-adjust his wig. “Your other birthdays must have been truly pathetic.” 

“Well...” Dib looked reminiscent for a moment, “considering the last time I actually had a birthday party... I was eight. I had invited the whole class and the only one who showed up was Gaz... not even dad came.” Lor put a hand on Dib’s shoulder but before he could speak,  Zim interrupted. 

“Well that is before you met me. If you had invited me, I would have gone.” 

“ Thanks Zim that -” 

“It would have been to kill you, probably. But I still would have gone.” 

“Yeah.” Dib’s expression turned bemused. “ Thanks, Zim . I appreciate it.” 

“We should do some kind of party game!” Lor spoke up, immediately trying to lighten the mood as he grabbed Dib by the arm. “We should play Monopoly.” 

“AH YES!”  Zim hopped up on the couch barely missing hitting Gaz’s outstretched leg. She growled at him and he quickly jumped back down. “ Zim is good at that game.” 

“You kids do that. I have a lot on my plate tonight.” Captain Rose finally stood, running a hand through her fake, human hair (a mousey brown rather than her natural bright red). “I better head out. The High Council expects a full presentation.” 

“I’ll walk you out!”  Skoodge hurried to open the door for her. This was exactly what  Skoodge had been waiting for, a moment to speak with the Captain about her proposal. 

“Thanks for coming by Captain!” Lor saluted. Carrius also did his best to salute, though he picked upTenn (who he was still arm wrestling with) in the process. 

“Thank you, professor.” Dib started to try to walk her to the door but his attention was grabbed by  Zim throwing down the Monopoly board. It was better if it was just  Skoodge and the Captain, anyway, so the former Invader was pleased that  Zim had gotten Dib’s focus. The Captain walked outside and  Skoodge closed the door behind them both. 

“I think I can find my way to the base.” The Captain remarked, folding her arms over her chest, looking down at him (even in his human form the  Irken was still a good bit shorter than the  Tangean woman. “But I assume you know that.”

“I do...”  Skoodge slowly inhaled. “I wanted to talk to you about your proposition to the High Council. I know you’ve been saying that war is the only option but...” he looked up at her, “I was hoping that you might have changed your mind.” 

“Your people tried to murder us in the night, Mister Skoodge.” She sounded annoyed by the suggestion having been posed. “That is not usually behavior we overlook in people claiming to be our allies. We get enough of that from our enemies.” 

“I’m aware that the situation looks bad... but the  Irkens involved could be conspiring. You said yourself they did not seem to be acting normally.”

“I’ll admit... the situation did feel... unusual.” She looked away from  Skoodge , out over the  parking lot of the college apartment complex. There were  humans still milling about as the night was young, but no one was paying them any mind. 

“I only want to bring to your attention that if the Empire wanted a war with you, we would have declared one ourselves.”  Skoodge was not going to lie- he was not a fan of the current regime, but he also had no desire to see his home locked in combat with a government of almost equal power and influence. No matter how this played out there would be steep casualties on both sides. “The  Tallests are not great, I’m not here to defend them, but they aren’t exactly warmongers... at least... not toward intergalactic powers like yourselves...” 

“You aren’t exactly doing much to convince me.” The Captain’s eyes narrowed as she looked back toward him. 

“I’m only asking that you at least try to contact them once more- with the High Council present. Maybe if the call comes directly from Capitol Planet-”

“You don’t think we’ve tried that?” Her finger tapped against her arm impatiently as she shot down every argument  Skoodge brought forth. 

“I just think there is more to this than the  Tallests arbitrarily deciding to break a several-hundred-yearlong treaty.”

“Perhaps there is,” Captain Rose seemed to soften her stance, just slightly, enough to for  Skoodge to know she was listening. “But we have no evidence as to what other motivations there could be for what happened...” She put her hand on  Skoodge’s shoulder. “I don’t hate  Irkens , Mister  Skoodgs , and I don't enjoy fighting... but I can’t pretend those actions on the ship were just a weird series of accidents.” She let her hand fall from his shoulder and returned to her crossed-arms position. “Look, I can’t say for sure what is going to happen tomorrow but I can tell you still have a lot to say on the matter.” She shifted restlessly from one foot to the next. “How about you speak to the High Council? This was supposed to be the official debate about the war declaration, I’m sure they would love to hear an  Irken perspective.” 

This was probably the best offer  Skoodge was going to get, given the circumstances on the Massive, so he nodded. “I would like to come.” 

“Very good. I’ll message you when we begin. As you know, Syndicate High Council meetings have a tendency to run long, so expect to commit the rest of your day to us.” The Captain unfolded her arms at last making a little finger-gun gesture in  Skoodge’s direction. It must have been something she had picked up during her time on Earth because the gesture was meaningless to the  Tangean race. “Bring your lunch, dinner, and probably tomorrows breakfast.” 

“Thanks for hearing me out.”  Skoodge bowed his head to her. “I look forward to speaking to the esteemed members of the Syndicate’s legendary High Council.” 

“Save the flattery for your speech.” She smirked, hand on her hip. “Now go back inside and make sure my doctor and first officer don’t destroy the apartment.” 

“I’m more worried about  Zim and Tenn, honestly.:”  Skoodge smirked. 

“And well you should be.” The Captain turned on her heel. “Goodby Mister Skoodge.” He watched her go before turning to go back in Dib’s apartment. As soon as he opened the door, he was greeted with the Monopoly board flying directly at his face. 

“This game is awful!”  Zim complained not even realizing he had almost nailed  Skoodge in the face. “And Q is clearly cheating.” 

“He can’t cheat at this.” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. “And Tenn’s the one who bought all four railroads.” 

“If you wish to use them, you may ask your  new Queen.” Tenn replied brightly. 

“You’re not a queen. I still own Park Place.” Carrius huffed. Tenn grabbed him by the collar pulling him down to look in her eyes. 

“I am basically  Mothra to you, peon!” 

“Fight to the death.” Gaz ordered. 

Skoodge watched the game continue well into the night, despite the board having been dislodged. The whole event was far more entertaining than he had anticipated- especially given his only reason going had been to speak with the Captain. 

By the time Lor, Dib, Gaz, and Carrius had grown too tired to carry on, it was the early hours of the next morning. The chaos of the party had been fun, but surprisingly draining for the Irkens. Skoodge vaguely wondered, as he drove them home, if being disconnected from the Collective had anything to do with the energy levels of their PAKs. It was doubtful, it was probably more the result of consuming too much human food and their PAKs having to go into overdrive to heal their bodies from the absolute garbage nutrition of Earth cuisine.

So, when they all arrived at  Zim’s base,  Skoodge decided it was best to get some sleep. 

The next morning,  Skoodge was awakened by an absolutely terrible pounding on the door. He looked over, seeing  Zim had passed out beside him and thus ruling him out as the culprit.  Tenn was unaccounted for, but  Skoodge doubted it was her as he had not been hit with a nerf dart. Begrudgingly, he dragged himself off the soft cushions and unhooked his PAK from the charger. He took  Zim’s toilet elevator up to the top floor, rubbing his eyes and grumbling the entire way. 

This had better not be the Captain telling him the meeting had started- it was far too early for him to argue on behalf of his people. 

Skoodge finally reached the door, opening it and-

_ No. Fucking. Way. _

They were there, right in front of him- in sub-par human disguises.

“Ah, Invader  Skoodge !” Tallest Red cleared his throat. 

“You may grovel at our feet now.” Tallest Purple gestured to the dirty walkway in  Zim’s front yard. Skoodge blinked. 

“It’s too early for this shit.” And with that, he slammed the door closed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a lighter chapter to cleanse the palate~ But please enjoy!! That ending is the moment we've all been waiting for. Who's on team Skoodge!? It IS too early for this!


	25. Snacks, Shows, and Attempted Assassinations

“ **O** **ne billion nine hundred ninety-seven million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-three bottles of Poop cola on the wall, one billion nine hundred ninety-seven million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-three bottles of poop cola~ Take one down, pass it around** **o** **ne billion nine hundred ninety-seven million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-two bottles of Poop cola~** ” 

“Do you have... like... an off switch?” Voel was lying on the floor of the cruiser, his body too tall to fit comfortably, so his legs were partially up the wall. Therron had withdrawn into a corner trying to ignore the constant singing that had been barraging their auditory senses without a single break for breath or rest. 

“ **Well... no. I am a hologram. But I am also the ship so any sort of ‘off switch’ would result in the overall shutdown of your life-support systems and leave you both floating back out in the vacuum of space**.” At least the computer would pause to answer questions- that was one saving grace. However, it was hard to think of questions when he was being barraged with the number of “Poop-cola” bottles on some hypothetical wall that would need to be planet sized to hold all of these fucking bottles. Voel narrowed his eyes at the hologram. 

“That might be worth the death.” 

“Can’t you just stop?” Therron pleaded, clearly unable to ignore the singing despite his best efforts. “We know the song now. We get it!” 

“ **I’ll stop when I reach the end**.” The computer replied indignantly. 

“That will take SEVENTY-SIX EARTH YEARS!” Voel couldn’t help but yell. He had lost his kingdom, his title, his life of luxury, and now he was slowly losing his mind. 

“ **Seventy-three. I do not need to breathe** .” The Computer turned back to the controls that he wasn’t even really using and Voel began to strongly consider risking his life back out in the void of space. “ **O** **ne billion nine hundred ninety-seven million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-two bottles of Poop Cola on the wall...”**

Floating in the lifeless chasm of space, slowly starving to death didn’t sound that bad now that he was really thinking about it. 

“This has to be some sort of backhanded revenge by Zim. You function too well for this to be a programming error. You’re being this annoying to be spiteful.” Voel muttered through gritted teeth as he thought back on the utterly insane SIR that he and Therron had programmed for Zim to take with him on his “mission”. 

“ **I am not at liberty to divulge that information.** ” The reply was surprisingly curt. “ **O** **ne billion nine hundred ninety-seven million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-one bottles** **...”** And just like that the song continued. 

“I'm hungry...” Therron’s complaints were the only thing louder and more annoying than the AI’s constant singing. 

“We’re almost out of rations, this ship was stocked for one normal Irken, not too Tallers. You’ll need to just wait until we get closer to Earth. I rationed out everything perfectly at the beginning of the trip so that we could both survive without over-exerting our PAKs. It isn’t time for our next meal so you will just have to wait.” 

“But I’m hungry now!” Therron’s head hit the back of the ship with a loud _thunk_. 

“I’m aware.” Voel closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of skin between them. He was hungry too, of course, and hearing Therron constantly remind him of it only worsened his already foul mood. This was worse than any torture he had ever experienced during training. He’s rather run a thousand drills with Sig than take ten more seconds in this cramped ship from the fires down below. Voel was beginning to think there was no Mothra because he refused to believe she would have allowed any Irken to suffer a fate like this. 

“And those snack portions are not enough. I have to eat like four of them to stay full.” 

“Theoretically, you would only need like two and a half.” Voel remarked, still lying on the ground, though he turned to look a little more closely at Therron. 

“No, it takes like four.” 

“Why are you saying ‘ _takes_ ’? ‘ _Takes_ ’ makes it sound like you’ve been eating more than the V _ERY CAREFULLY_ allotted portions I _PAINSTAKINGLY_ divvied up for us.” Voel was beginning to sit up now, his crimson eyes narrowing accusingly at his ex-partner. 

“No I’ve been doing the right amount:” Therron assured him: “one snack, one lunch, one dinner, and one breakfast.” 

“Therron you gluttonous idiot!” Voel would have thrown Therron out into space had there been room in the ship for a proper toss of an Irken Theron’s size. He did manage to get to his feet and grab the pilot’s chair where the AI was “sitting”. (Voel would have taken the chair himself, however, the chair did not have adequate leg space for an Irken his size). “You knew our rations were getting low, didn’t you!? Aren’t you the whole fucking ship!?” He whirled the chair around. The hologram of the AI took a moment to notice the action and gave a bit of a delayed, but properly dramatic reaction as it pretended to get thrown back by the movement. 

“ **Did I notice he was eating more of the food supply? Affirmative. But let us be fair here, what am I going to do to stop him** ?” The AI stuck his hand through Voel’s head as a demonstration of his intangible nature. He then withdrew his hand just enough so the gloved index finger was placed on the exact center of his face. “ **Boop**.” 

Voel was not sure what a ‘ _Boop_ ’ was but he knew he sure as hell didn’t fucking like it. “Useless fucking computer.” He swept his hand holding the chair forcefully to the side launching the chair into a series of rapid spins. The AI caught on tis time and simulated itself spilling (almost) in synch with the chair, it’s arms up in the air playfully as it turned rapidly around. 

“ **Weeeeeee**.” 

“That does look kind of fun.” Therron tilted his head to the side. 

“We’ll need to stop, resupply somewhere.” Voel hated to take any sort of detour (especially because it meant he would be stuck on this ship for EVEN LONGER). However, they were going to run out of food and, honestly, if he stayed any longer on the ship: there was going to be a homicide, and the victim, in no uncertain terms, would be Therron- and that was only because he did not know how to kill an artificial intelligence. 

“Oh thank Mothra!” Therron tried to relax back, but just ended up hitting his head against the wall, forgetting how small the cabin of the cruiser really was. “I was starting to go crazy being cooped up in here!” Voel very slowly, turned his head to look at Therron. 

“You’re going crazy!? YOU’RE-” He cut himself off. This was only wasting time and the AI was already back to singing. “CB,” the computer had made it weirdly clear that these two letters were, in fact, its name and it liked to be called by them. “Are there any inhabited planets nearby? Preferably ones that are on course.” 

“ **Affirmative. There are many planets within a reasonable distance.** ” 

“Cross-reference all possible planets with those that have Irken inhabitants.” At least while the computer was taking orders, it wasn’t singing. 

“ **We are no longer in radius of the Empire. There are no** **Irken** **inhabited planets within many lightyears.** ” 

“Any Irken allied planets?” 

“ **Negative. These planets are primarily unallied**.” 

“That’s probably for the best. Who knows what the Syndicate has told our other allies about us?” It was best to stick to the planets that had no interest in the Empire. The Tallests had enemies scattered throughout the universe, now was not the time to cross them. 

“It’s the Syndicate, they’re probably still filling out the paperwork telling the How Council we were mean to them.” Therron pointed out. Voel actually snickered. 

“True enough, still...” He sighed, focusing his attention back to the task at hand. “Any planets with confirmed intergalactic travel? We don’t want to stop on some primitive rock that doesn’t even have basic lightspeed...” 

“Why not? They’d probably worship us?” Therron pointed out, finally starting to stand. “It’d be like being Tallest again!” 

“They wouldn’t have Irken food.” Voel replied flatly. 

“Oh... touché.” 

“ **Ielea-12 is nearby. It is a currently unallied planet that has born** **Irken** **visitors before. They are big on** **maintaining** **peace at any cost.** **_Irken-tainment Nightly_ ** **calls it: One of the worst locations for romantic intent but one of the best destinations if you want to see live sacrifices. The food got three out of five supernovas**.” The computer pulled up a hologram of a pale, greyish looking planet steeped in a thick, swirling atmosphere composed of a constant storm. 

“Oh I love that magazine!” Therron hurried over to peer over the hologram’s shoulder to read the non-existent magazine it was pretending to narrate. Voel rolled his eyes as he looked, instead at the distance Ielea-12 was from their current location- as well as how far a pitstop there would put them off their course. 

“Ielea-12 should be fine.” Shockingly, the computer had made a good call. It wouldn’t be too much of a trip to land there, grab food, and get out. Plus, the citizens of Ielea-12 had a reputation for being standoffish and not engaging outsiders unless it was a part of their job. Peace and quiet would be more than welcome. “CB, set course.” 

“ **Say please**.” 

“No. Fuck you.” 

“ **Then I will not set course**.” 

“CB,” Therron pushed Voel to the side, leaning partially over the chair. “Will you please set a detour to Ielea-12?” 

“ **Yes, I will. For you. Voel can walk**.” 

“You do _not_ get to call me Voel!” Voel’s antennae stood on end as he heard the computer address him. He was absolutely _seething_. “It is: Tallest Red, or My Tallest, to you!” 

“ **You’re not** **_my_ ** **Tallest.** ” The Computer replied a tad smugly as he turned around back to the panel as Voel sank with the realization that he could do nothing to the being without a corporeal form outside of the vessel it was piloting. 

“We’ll need to prepare for landing on Ielea-12.” Voel cleared his throat trying to recover from the utter humiliation a computer had just caused him. Fortunately, Therron was his only witness and he didn’t really care what Therron thought. 

“Prepare? For what? The ship lands itself.” Therron gestured to CB who had begun to sing once more now that it had proved itself to Voel. 

“Yes, I’m aware. However, it seems that Irkens do, occasionally visit this place for its sacrifices and average food.” 

“Yes... and?” 

“And we don’t know if they’re already under the Control Brains’... well... control.” 

“Control-Brainwashing~” Therron added helpfully. 

“We’ll have to blend in. This is an Invader’s ship; we can use what we have at our disposal to be as unassuming as possible. CB,” he instructed. “Pull up an image of the Ielea-12 locals.” He looked over but the AI was ignoring him, singing happily away in the only chair in the entire ship. Voel sighed as heavily and pointedly as he could. “ _Please?_ ” 

The ship lights darkened and a hologram projected from a central light in the ceiling. Both Voel and Therron recoiled a bit, and the former Tallest briefly wondered if he should reconsider their choice. While primarily bipedal in appearance, the Ieleans presented with spindly, dripping green excess appendages sprouting from their posterior at the levels of the shoulder, mid-back, and lower pelvis in pairs. With the primary humanoid form having its own separate arm and leg appendages that made for ten in total. The head was covered by a white cloth, the face completely blank as if someone had forgotten the eyes and mouth. The skin was a dingey, rusted grey. In the midsection was a, gaping maw filled with many circular rows of teeth and dripping with a tar-like black goop. Voel sighed- even with the PAK, they would still be two legs short. It was too risky. 

“We can’t pose as them, we’ll never pass...” 

“They have visitors, right?” Therron pointed out. “Let’s just pretend to be something not Irken, but also not horrifying.” 

“Yeah, let’s go with that plan.” Voel waved the image away as quickly as he could. It was hard to think of anything he wanted to be that would be believable... “CB, if you will please” he said the word as if it were poison in his mouth, “activate the disguise protocol. Therron and I will pose as Tangean High-landers.” He turned to Therron, “Like Captain Rose.” 

“It’s better than having to constantly drip goo out of my squeedlyspooch.” Therron replied with a shrug as CB allowed a small pod to rise out of the ship’s flooring. It was not quite the right size for either of the tall Irkens. 

By the time they landed on the target planet, Voel and Therron had donned Tangean disguises, complete with Syndicate uniforms that matched those of the Captain and her medic that they had met on the Massive. 

“We look pretty good!” Therron was admiring his new red hair and blue skin in the reflection of the ship’s walls. “I like having hair.” 

“Just hope no one asks us to use the ghosting ability.” Voel disembarked first, grabbing an umbrella for the constant storms of Ielea-12. They had landed in a docking bay specifically for Syndicate vessels. It seemed Ielea had been on better terms with the Syndicate than Voel had thought. Though with the planet’s rather... sacrifice-happy- culture, it was doubtful they would be admitted into the Syndicate any time soon. Fortunately, as an Irken military ship, the cruiser was able to disguise itself as well. Voel took a look around. “We’re just here for food and then we are leaving.” 

“Food... sir?” There was a very quiet, breathy voice from behind him- like a whisper over his ear. He shuttered, whipping around to see one of the locals. They did not look like the image from CB’s hologram... not exactly. They looked more like phantoms, the cloth draped over them seemed to fade out into nothing, their faceless heads always bowed, no mouth visible. The spectral cloth that covered them was plastered to the ashen skin by the constant rain that plagued the planet. 

“Oh... yes.” He cleared his throat straightening his stance. He saw Therron exit the ship then, upon seeing the Ielean, try to quickly make his way back on the ship. Voel grabbed him by the collar. “We are just looking to restock and refuel for our journey back to Capitol Planet.” He had become Tallest before finishing his Invader training, but he knew a thing or two about blending in. 

“Ca.. Pi... tol... pla...net?” These things spoke very... very slowly. Their voices seemed to require an ample amount of breath for each word. “There... is...” the thing paused for breath. “A... mar...ket...” Voel wished it would speak faster as time was precious. “This... way...” It moved like a shade, slithering past Voel to walk (or float) in the opposite direction, the head simply lulling with the movement as if it were barely supported by a spine. 

“Thank you...” Voel hesitated, but followed. No matter how off-putting the locals were, they were obviously friendly with the Syndicate and as far as anyone knew, Voel and Therron were just two Syndicate Rangers on their way back to their home planet. He saw a few other locals helping others at the docking areas as they disembarked. He saw mostly traders, it did not seem like this was a very military stop, which was good. “So... you’re a greeter?” He wasn’t sure if small talk was going to kill his whispering companion, but it seemed more in character to try to chat. 

“Yes...” The local stopped at the edge of the docking area. “Mar... ket...” He pointed to holographic map floating on a computerized stand beside the exit. The area he touched illuminated and the stand beneath the hologram began to whir. Two pairs of glasses were deposited at the bottom of the stand and their friendly guide swooped down, grabbing them, offering them forward. Voel took one pair, and Therron the other. Neither having an actual nose or ears, Voel had to hold the side of the glasses when he slid them on, pretending to be thinking. As soon as they covered his ocular implants, a bright line illuminated before him. Ah! It was a map. 

“Thank you, thank you very much.” He bowed to their guide but as he rose, the Ielean had already slithered away. Voel opened the umbrella and he and Therron ventured out into the storms. The winds were harsh, but fortunately the waters were pure enough that they did little to the sensitive Irken skin beneath the Tangean disguises. 

“That guy was creepy right? Like really creepy.” Therron remarked as they followed the dotted line through the flooded streets. The building around were all dark, tall, looming, rising up into the swirling sky. The only lights came from windows scattered about here and there. 

“This whole place is creepy.” Voel retorted as his Syndicate, standard-issue boots sloshed through the tar-like, sticky rains. “Let’s get food fast and get out.” 

“Up ahead!” Therron pointed and the path sort of dead-ended into a building. As they approached, the solid black wall of shadows wriggled as if alive, and pulled slowly aside so they could enter a dimly lit market inhabited by creatures of various origins. Voel closed the umbrella, glad to be out of the endless rains, shaking himself of the viscous dark waters that seemed to cling to him. 

“Finally! I’m starved!” Theron’s expression lit up. 

“Hopefully the Control Brains haven’t thought to freeze our personal accounts since as far as they’re concerned, we’re dead.” Voel kept his voice low. “But even so, let’s keep it to only essentials, we don’t want to draw unnecessary attention.” He slowly began to walk into the twisting isles of the market, seeing Therron ready to take off, he grabbed him. “And stay close. There are Irkens here.” He gestured into the crows where one or two Irkens could barely be seen in the distance. 

“Maybe they could help us...” 

“Or maybe they’re already under the Control Brains. We can’t take that risk here. Plus, the locals don’t seem the type to promote fighting in their marketplace.” Voel hissed. Therron made a face and Voel realized he must have gotten through to him. 

“Fair enough.” 

They began to browse, trying to find foods edible to Irkens while avoiding their fellows. It was easy to do as many different species seemed to have flooded here and with the Tallests looking like Tangeans, it wasn’t like the Irkens would be seeing them out. “Oh shit they have my chips!” Therron’s expression brightened as he spotted a personal favorite snack on a distant shelf. He rushed forward, grabbing a few of the brightly colored boxes in as many flavors as he could carry. He turned on his heel, nearly tripping over someone else in the isle as he tried to make his way back to Voel. The much smaller patron can’t have been much over two and a half feet tall. 

“Mothra be praised, watch where you’re goin' you Tangean asshats. I’m walkin’ down here!” Voel and Therron both stopped in their tracks as they looked at the smaller Irken Therron had nearly squished. The Irken looked up, it was just a generic smaller with the typical sounded, red eyes and a bit of a stouter build. Voel didn’t dare scan it for fear of outing himself. “The fuck is a Tangean doin' with Irken brand chips?” 

“I... um...” Therron blinked and Voel’s breath hitched. “We have an Irken prisoner... he asked for these and it’s quicker to buy them here than get them shipped.” Voel had to give his companion credit, Therron, apparently, was a master at thinking on his feet. 

“Sheesh, I should get arrested by the Syndicate. Your prisons sound better than my fuckin’ job.” The Irken snorted. And with that, it seemed to lose interest in the conversation, grabbing a chip bag Therron had dropped when the smaller had startled him, and running to the register to go check out, and presumably get off this planet. 

“That guy scared the fuck out of me.” Therron quickly replaced the chip bag the smaller had snagged. “He’s so tiny!” 

“Shhh!” Voel didn’t know how Tangeans typically talked amongst themselves, but he doubted Therron was doing it right. 

“I’m just saying what we were both thinking.” Therron didn’t seem to understand why Voel was quieting him. “Now hold this, I’m going to get some doughnuts.” He had to give the people of Ielean-12 that they had quite the selection of Irken delicacies. 

Before long he and Therron had made their way to the front where one of the locals was hovering behind a register waiting to check them out. As with the one who guided them, the faceless head was lulling completely covered by the shimmering drape, and the multiple appendages or gaping mouth full of dripping tar were nowhere in sight. Voel was beginning to think that CB was just fucking with them and the locals looked nothing like the image. 

They paid for the food and quickly hurried out of the store. The rain was coming down harder than before, in sheets, making it harder to see. The hair from the Tangean wig was getting in Voel’s eyes, despite the umbrella he was getting wet and he was ready to leave the cold, miserable planet. The shadowy door slid closed behind them. Then, slid back open and closed again. However, Voel had not seen anyone else enter or leave. 

His blood ran cold, he grabbed Therron’s arm. 

“Let’s hurry. I think we’re being followed.” He went to pull and suddenly felt something cold and metal shoved into the back of his head. 

Sometimes, he hated being right. 

“You’re not Tangean.” It was a female voice, and Voel could tell from the flawless way she spoke in their native tongue that she was an Irken. He could hear the soft buzzing of a laser gun powering up right at the base of his skull. 

“We are allies of Irk. This treatment is uncalled for.” Therron tried to protest but he quieted as out of the corner of his eye Voel could see a laser to his skull as well. 

“You. Are. Not. Tangean.” With each word she emphasized the point by pushing the barrel of the gun further into their heads. “If you are, you should be able to ghost through this.” Before she could finish pulling the trigger, Voel swooped down, PAK legs bursting from the disguise knocking her back causing her to miss the shot on both himself and Therron. He whirled around to face her, squinting in the pouring rain. 

“Raz!?” One of the missing Elites from earlier in the quarter. Here she was, out in the middle of nowhere. 

“You are marked as enemies of the Empire. I am here to destroy you.” She was back on her feet in an instant. She fired at the two but the Tallests were quick to dodge. 

“Enemies of the-” Voel scoffed. “We _are_ the Empire!” It was no use hiding it. She had clearly scanned him, his PAK legs were out, and this damn wig was in his face. He ripped off the disguise, the Tallest Armor underneath glistening in the dim lights. Therron followed suit, clearly just as eager to rid himself of his disguise. 

“Enemies of the Empire, you will fall.” She holstered her guns in favor of a much larger weapons. Her expression was rather emotionless, it reminded Voel of the faces of the Irkens on the screen that he had watched pursuing the Syndicate. “You will fall. For the Empire. For Irk. For the glory of the Control Brains!” She knelt down as the gun charged up and fired a long, burning hot energy beam at the two disgraced leaders. Voel was able to dodge but Therron was grazed on his right shoulder. He hissed, but did not seem too badly hurt. Voel rolled out of the way, the water surprisingly cooling after being so close to the sun-like burning light of Raz’s weapon. 

“Ha!” Therron stood, up, wincing slightly. “You missed.” 

“No I didn’t.” The Tallests tuned to see a gaping hole in the building behind them. Ieleans were slowly starting to flicker into view like images on a broken screen. They began to shake and tremble, their bodies splitting open in the middle the gaping mouths bisecting their slender, spectral forms as the dark black liquid began pouring out. The green, spindly legs burst from their backs as lightning flashed around then, illuminating at least thirty Ieleans. “These people destroyed one of your sacred buildings. They bring battle to your peaceful streets.” 

“We- oh no no. She's still holding the gun!” Therron protested gesturing dramatically toward the Irken woman who was putting the weapon away. 

“Doesn’t... matter...” 

“Bring... battle...” 

“No... peace...” 

“Bad...” 

All around the Ieleans were speaking, those whispering voices howling in the icy winds. Voel really wished he had more than a basic Invader pistol on hand as there was no telling how many shots would take one of these monstrosities down. At least now, as the green spidery legs lifted the bipedal forms of the Ieleans off the ground, turning them into a form that matched the hologram as they used their six, needle like legs to sprint toward them- Voel realized CB had been telling the truth. 

Voel’s PAK legs fully extended as he and Therron took off at full speed through the flooding streets as they were chased down by RAZ and a swarm of Ieleans at her back. 

“Voel!” The thunder combined with the splashing of dozens upon dozens of legs pounding through the streets nearly drowned out Therron's voice. “We’re not going to make it.” 

“We are! Shut up! I can see the docking area!” He had to stay focused. 

“Voel!?” Voel could see up ahead the Ieleans that worked the docking bay taking on their more intimidating forms sprinting toward them. “VOEL!” Therron was pulled back and Voel whipped around, firing at the green appendages as they pulled Therron back into the mob. He heard shots behind him, ducking instinctively, continuously trying to claw Therron free. 

More shots, louder this time, the loud splashes of bodies hitting the watery alleyways, and then something dove at high speeds into the mob. Theron was released as a bright, fiery light began to burn from within the heart of the swarm and the Ieleans began to disperse, cowering away from the pure, blazing flame. In the heart of the blaze was their hologram AI with an Irken flamethrower. Only... judging by the way the rain sizzled and steamed- it wasn’t a hologram. 

The Ieleans managed to get a good swipe and bisected the flamethrower. CB tossed it away, pulling a large gun from his back, firing it at the damaged weapon and causing a large explosion. Voel took the opportunity to bolt toward the ship with Therron as CB gave them cover fire. He made it inside, Therron falling to the floor looking shaken but otherwise unharmed other than a burn to the shoulder which was slowly repairing itself. CB hurried in, carrying the massive gun, and a bag of Chips Therron must have dropped in the chaos. 

The ship took off and Voel caught his breath, getting to his feet and pointing very angrily at the very much solid form of the AI. “WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK is that!?” He rose up to his full height, teeth bared, antennae back as he towered over the android. CB paused, looking down, then back up at Voel with a confused expression. 

“ **It is chips**.” 

“Not the chips you fucking ass!” 

“ **Oh...** **it** **is a gun**.” 

“Not the- UGH!” Voel slammed a hand into the wall but CB didn’t flinch. (Not that it was easy to tell if he did, with the helmet on). “The body! What the fuck is that!?” 

“ **It... it is a body. You just said it.** ” 

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THAT!?” 

“ **The entire time.** ” 

“Were you going to TELL us!?” 

“ **Just because you feel upset, does not mean you are required to yell.** ” The AI replied in a little sing-song type voice. Voel sighed. He was going to need to pick his battles if he wanted to survive the rest of the trip. They had made it back to the ship, they had food, and they now had confirmation that other Irkens were hunting them. This was not the time to yell at a computer that was clearly a little bit insane, just like the Irken that made it. 

“Let’s just get to Earth.” Voel slunk back. Grabbing a bag of chips from Therron’s new stash and using them to drown out his misery with sweet flavors. 

“ **Yes sir.** ” The AI’s body climbed into a small compartment in the lower half of the ship as the hologram reappeared at the bridge. The ship shuddered and took flight, in the distance Voel could see the native Ieleans slowly turning back to the passive, spectral forms as the threat to their way of life vanished into the stars. 

“How long till we reach Earth CB?” 

“ **One month of native earth time.** ” 

“Very well.” Voel laid back on the floor in defeat. 

“ **Oh no.** ” 

“What is it?” Voel sat back up quickly in deep concern. 

“ **I forgot where I was in the song.** ” 

“You were finished.” Voel very quickly gave his reply. 

“Yep! You got all the way to the end. It was brilliant.” Therron quickly reiterated the point. Voel was pleased with his quick wit. 

“ **Oh. Then should I start over?** ” 

“NO!” Both Irkens leapt up. The AI tilted its head quizzically at the reaction. 

“I can sing another song.” 

“Do you know any Irken songs?” Therron clearly was getting off track. The point was to stop the singing all together- Voel thought they had an unspoken agreement about this. 

“ **I know one.** ” The AI turned back to face the front. “ **Our Tallests are here, they’re just so supreme. And we know seeing them is a** **smaller’s** **dream...** ” 

“Oh hey! I love this song!” Therron relaxed back. 

“Mothra damn it.” Voel closed his eyes, trying to block out the noise. 

It was a very, very long month to be sure. Therron had taken to teaching the AI new Irken songs which only provided a mild improvement to the overall trip. (Mostly because Therron had absolutely awful taste in music). Voel was strongly considering overriding the AI and flying them all into the nearest sun as the AI and Therron were dramatically singing an Irken ballad to one another; when he suddenly saw a pinprick of a planet gradually getting bigger. 

“CB, focus.” Voel sat up, going over to the Captain’s chair and trying his best to fit in it, as the AI’s hologram was currently being awkwardly spun around by Therron with no regard for how small the actual ship was. (The AI kept clipping through the walls, but at least it was better than when Therron had tried to do the spin and ended up needing Voel to help him untangle from the wrappers and wires that lined the floor). “I think we’re near a planet.” 

“ **Ah yes, we are near Earth. That** **is** **it right there**.” CB looked over and with a final, dramatic dip, he made his way back to the pilot's seat. 

“And you said we wouldn’t have time to re-enact the tale of Tallest Dayleah.” Therron tisked as he too made his way to the front of the ship, leaning over Voel who was cramped in the chair. “That’s Earth?” They had seen it a few times from a distance, but neither Tallest thought that this would ever be a destination. “It’s kind of disappointing.” 

“ **That is factually incorrect** .” The AI made a motion to shoo Voel out of the pilot’s chair but fuck him. Voel was not moving. “ **It is very disappointing**.” 

“Haha, yeah.” Therron agreed with a snide smirk. “You know Voel, I’m beginning to like this guy. After you sing seven hundred and thirty hours of musical ballads together, you form a bond.” 

“Really? All I formed was seven hundred and thirty different ways to kill you.” Voel retorted, still very much annoyed at having been the hostage audience to Therron’s dramatic performance. He was just ready to land. “Let’s get this thing landed so we can never hear another musical performance ever again.” 

“ **You are in my seat. I cannot drive.** ” The AI protested. 

“You are the entire fucking ship. You’re driving right now.” Voel hunkered himself down even more in the seat. 

“ **But I want to** **sit** **in the seat.** ” 

“Well I don’t know what to tell you, Computer: I’m pretty stuck so you will have to just deal and fly like a normal AI.” 

“ **Very well** .” The AI’s hologram sat on top of Voel. He didn’t feel anything of course (other than the utter humiliation and indignation rising within him) given the hologram had no actual mass. “ **But I will tell** **Zim** **you were mean to me**.” 

“Good I want him to know.” This was a matter of principal now. Voel was very uncomfortable in the seat but he was also too stubborn to move. The ship eventually landed in the middle of an alley way. There was the sound and shuttering sensation of the ship disguising itself and it plodded along a street at a much slower pace until it reached a very weird little house that was very much out of place surrounded by the grim, gritting buildings on either side. Voel had no time to take it in, however, and he was rapidly ejected through the roof of the ship and into the grass. 

“ **You are n** **o** **longer stuck,** **it seems**.” 

“Sweet fucking Mothra!” Voel kept low to the ground, slithering into the primitive, wheeled vehicle that the ship was pretending to be. “I wasn’t wearing a disguise! I could have been seen! Are you fucking insane you little toaster oven!?” 

“Perhaps I am. But I got you unstuck.” 

“He did get you unstuck, Voel.” Theron agreed, nodding. Voel’s eyes narrowed. He knew Therron. He knew that purple-eyed former Tallest had about as much ‘Invader Knowledge’ in him as a recently hatched smeet so he probably did not realize why Voel was so upset. It was just lucky these humans were stupid. 

“Disguises, now.” Voel stormed into the disguise-maker and as soon as he looked like a hideous human, he stormed right out of the ship going straight up to the door and knocking with all of his might. It took Therron a bit to catch up, however he was already standing behind Voel as the door finally opened revealing another human, this one round, fat, and ugly. It had the same hair color Voel had chosen for himself (which was just tacky- Voel clearly had dibs on red hair). It took Voel a moment to realize that it was their former top invader. 

He cleared his throat, straightening his posture. “Ah, Invader Skoodge!” 

“You may grovel at our feet now.” Therron added with a dramatic little gesture to the ground before them. Skoodge looked at them for a moment, blinking in the dim light of the (rather too hot) Earth sun. He seemed confused. 

“It’s too early for this shit.” Skoodge mumbled, shutting the door in their faces. 

Red stood there, flabbergasted by the reaction. Had Skoodge just denied them!? There was no way he knew they had been demoted so this was an out-right offense against the Tallests. He heard Therron gasp audibly behind him. 

“The nerve of that guy!” Therron marched up to the door pounding on it with fervor. “Hey asshat open up! We’re you Tallests!” 

“Therron shh!” Voel didn’t want to alert the humans to anything that was going on. He withdrew from the door going back to the disguised ship, opening the door. “Hey, Computer, aren’t you the security system? Can’t you open the door?” 

“ **My commitments to you ended when we landed** .” the AI replied, sitting with one leg over the other in the Captain’s chair, making a motion as if filing down his claws despite the facts that: 1. It did not have claws. 2. It was wearing gloves. And 3. It was a _fucking hologram._

“Just open the door CB.” Voel ordered. CB gave him a long, hard look, before shimmering out of sight. Voel smacked himself in the face with his hand, slowly, dragging it down out of utter frustration. He opened the tiny compartment at the bottom of the ship and pulled CB’s robotic body out. Of course, it was entirely unresponsive. He gave an exasperated grunt and dragged it back out with him. “You want this back don’t you!?” 

“Open up!” Therron was still pounding on the door, whining to try to get Skoodge back. “You can’t leave us out here it’s hot and gross!” 

The door opened. 

“ **Hiya.** ” In the doorway was the blue-eyed SIR that Voel and Therron had pieced together from scraps all that time ago. 

“Thank Mothra.” Therron let out a relieved sigh. 

“ **Bye.** ” The SIR closed the door in their faces again. Therron immediately went to banging on the entrance once again. 

“No no come back!” 

“ **Hi** .” The door again opened and Therron made a move to jump in. “ **Bye**.” But hit the door directly, with his face as it closed again. This went on several times until Voel was getting second hand embarrassment from watching Therron fail. 

“We’ve got your stupid robot!” Voel tried again to see if he could find a way to get the door to open. “You have to let us in if you want it back.” 

“ **I am not stupid.** ” The head of the body he was holding snapped to look at him and Voel dropped it in surprise. 

Eventually, the door opened back up and Skoodge was there, now holding a mug with a bitter smelling substance steaming out of it. “Why the fuck are you two here?” Voel did not have the best memories of what Skoodge was like as an Irken- as he was sort of a non-descript blur that inhabited the background of some of his memories. However, he did not recall him being this curt. 

“You dare thalk that way,” Therron pulled himself up to full height, “to your _Tallests_!?” 

“Hmm...” Skoodge didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink as he raised the cup to his mouth, taking a sip of whatever was inside. “If you’re here, you’re not Tallest anymore.” 

“...” Voel knew he had no leg to stand on in this fight so he simply sauntered over, holding CB by the collar. “Are you going to let us in or not?” 

“Nope.” Skoodge didn’t budge. “You’ve got a meeting to attend.” He turned to look behind him. “Tenn! Zim! We’re leaving for the Syndicate conference!” 

“Finally! I have packed SO MANY snacks!” Voel perked u hearing Zim’s voice from just inside the doorway. It was only a moment before Zim, in a surprisingly good disguise, wriggled his way under Skoodge’s arm to get out on the porch. He must have been deep in thought about the snacks because it wasn’t till he was outside that he noticed Voel and Therron. He looked to them, then back to Skoodge, then back to his former leaders. “What are _you_ doing here?” 

Even Zim seemed pissed to see them. 

“There is trouble back on Irk.” Voel tried to keep his voice down but the body of CB sprang to life once more and wriggled free, crouching and hiding behind the short form of Zim. 

“ **Father he was mean to me.** ” 

“What the fuck is a father?” Voel asked at the same time Skoodge snorted and replied with: “Unsurprising.” 

“You cannot be mean to CB! Only I CAN BE MEAN TO CB!” Zim pointed an accusatory finger toward Voel, putting an arm around the taller robot. “He’s sensitive.” 

“Who’s sensitiv-” Tenn had made it to the doorway too at this point and seeing Voel and Therron made her eyes widen. She went to kneel but Skoodge put his other arm out to stop her.” 

“Don’t bother with formalities. If they were still our ‘great leaders’ they wouldn’t be here. Everyone just get in the car.” Skoodge seemed to have more control over this tiny group of former Invaders than Voel would have liked as both Tenn, and Zim (still ‘comforting’ CB) walked past their leaders into a drab, grey vehicle. “Are you guys coming?” 

“How dare you just ignore us!? Now bowing!? No groveling!? No offering us cool refreshments!? You are bad Irkens!” Therron was in quite a state storming after Skoodge who had locked the door and was heading for the car. 

“We don’t have time to make you two feel good about yourselves. The Syndicate is having their War Council as we speak and you two are going to speak.” Skoodge hopped in the driver’s seat. “Are you coming?” 

“What if we don’t come!?” Therron responded angrily. Voel was going to object since they really needed to defend their planet- however Skoodge had a reply ready. 

“Then you can stay and watch GIR.” He pointed to the SIR who was waving in the window. Then, without breaking eye contact with the disguised Irkens outside. The SIR grabbed some sort of bottle of viscous, brown sauce, and began pouring it slowly over itself. Therron winced, shuddered, and quickly clambered in the car with Voel behind him. 

“I don’t know what we’re going to tell them...” Voel sighed as the car began moving, his head was in his hands, his mind was racing. “It sounds unbelievable to us, and we lived it.” 

“Yeah!” Therron agreed. “We can’t just mosey up to the High Council and be like: Well let us tell you we had a doozy of a day. The Control Brains are taking control of Irkens without our consent and making them do bad things!” 

“The Control Brains...” Zim’s eyes widened. “But they are obedient to the Tallests!” 

“That’s what we thought too.” Voel sighed, rubbing his temples. “Turns out they aren’t as ‘obedient’ as we thought. They tried to kill me.” 

“And they would have succeeded if it wasn’t for me!” Therron emphasized. 

“Huh...” Skoodge seemed to be taking all of this in stride. “Who knew Therron could be useful.” 

“I am also surprised.” Zim seconded. 

“HEY!” Therron leaned forward but Voel stopped him. 

“That explains a lot actually. The Control Brains have their own agenda...” Skoodge was deep in thought. He snapped himself out of it, turning to look back at the former leaders. “You two best be working up an apology to the Syndicate.” 

“The apology should really come from the Control Brains.” Therron replied, crossing his arms, leaning back in the seat. 

“But you authorized that protocol.” Voel pointed out. 

“Oh.” Therron blinked. “Right.” 

“What protocol?” Tenn leaned forward in her seat. 

“It’s a long story...” Voel let out a heavy sigh. He thought getting to Earth would give him some sort of plan- but his head was spinning now more than ever. It seemed like there was no easy way out of this mess that the Empire was falling into. 

“Well you better think of a good way to summarize it. We’re here.” They had pulled up to some sort of series of buildings. They seemed mostly to be human in origin, but Voel’s PAK detected a large Syndicate base underneath. The group made their way through the throngs of young humans into a back closet where they found the entrance. (Disguises were shed, as was customary for Syndicate meetings). There was an elevator ride, a long walk, and far too soon Voel and Theron found themselves standing before Captain Rose, a Romulan First Officer, and a Kryptonian (who for some reason was wearing the uniform of a medic?), and a few rows of other Syndicate officials. Around them, was a hologram, perfectly portraying the Syndicate High Council. As they walked in, Captain Rose who was at the podium, had frozen mid-sentence. 

“ _Wha_ t,” She narrowed her large, pupiless blue eyes at the group, “is the meaning of this!?” 

“Woah woah woah,” Therron quickly took center stage. We know it looks bad, but...” He looked to Voel and then the others, completely at a loss. “You see Syndicate... we’ve had an absolute doozy of a day...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to come together now! We are entering the meat of the story and I am having WAY too much fun making up alien races!I am REALLY excited to know what you all thought about this Voel/Therron/ and CB mini-adventure! It started out as a shorter chapter because I was feeling ill at the beginning of the week and then it just exploded. Therron and CB will be performing their month long opera on weeknights at 11 (so you know how to avoid having to see it) be sure to warn theaters near you. 


	26. The Syndicate High Council

“The Syndicate High Council, huh?” Dib was watching Lor and Carrius as the two brothers were working on one of the many consoles that seemed to be scattered throughout the, large, white chamber that had been Lor’s trial room. It seemed as if the room had some sort of adaptability. It was made from multiple panels that could be rearranged at will to change the room’s general size and set-up for any purpose. Dib could only imagine CB’s burning desire to access something like this, and secretly hoped the Syndicate was doing their part to keep the greedy little AI out. “ So they are like your government?” Dib sat on the edge of one of the little tables that had risen from the floor. 

“Yes. They are elected individuals representing each of the Syndicate planets. Every planet has a voice, that’s Syndicate policy.” Carrius replied from underneath one of the large,  computerized panels in the center of the room. He seemed like he was trying to repair something.

“I can see why the  Irkens don’t like you.” Dib mused. 

“Actually,” Lor didn’t look up from what he was doing, “prior to their attempted murder, they liked us quite a bit.” He frowned tapping a button and pulling up a hologram of a bunch of words in a language Dib didn’t understand. “I mean, maybe not personally... but the Empire was on pretty okay terms with us politically.” 

“I mean that one Invader guy keeps calling us scum, but I don’t think it’s personal.” Carrius finally slid out from under the panel, one side of his face looked rather red and swollen. “I think it’s just a translation error or something because I’ll tell ya, that feisty female Invader is great.” Dib was only half listening, as he squinted at the puffy, raised skin. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fantastic.” Carrius replied putting his hands firmly on his hips. 

“Why is he asking you that?” Suspiciously, Lor turned away from the screen and realized one side of his brother' s dark greenish skin had taken on a very bright, red flair. “Oh Rao!” He hissed, abandoning his post quickly. “You didn’t turn of the array before you tried to do your maintenance, did you?” Lor reached on to his belt pulling off a very small metal device that reminded Dib vaguely of a bar code scanner from a grocery store. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carrius looked annoyed, turning his head away as Lor tried to scan him. 

“You’re burned all over one half of your face, dumbass.” Despite the fact the two were different species, Dib had never been  more sure that they were brothers. 

“I don’t see what the big deal is. You’re just  gonna wave a light over it to fix it.” 

“I’m not  gonna to just ‘wave a light’. It’s more complicated than that.” Lor huffed as he finally got his scan, reading whatever information the screen was flashing at him, before putting that away and pulling out a slender, cylindrical, silver object from a pouch on the side of his leg. He pressed a button on the side and a bright blue light washed over the affected area. 

“What’s that?” Carrius raised an already arched eyebrow. 

“It’s a sub- dermal nano-”

“It’s a fucking light.”

“It’s not a light!”’ Lor glared huffily at his brother as the skin repaired itself under the influence of the Syndicate, medical technology. 

“I’m so glad our moms spend all that money sending you to med school.” Carrius smirked. 

“...” Lor gave him a blank look. “School was free.” 

“Don’t contradict me brother, I still outrank you.” He patted Lor on the head and Dib couldn’t help but laugh at the exchange. “But good work waving lights in my face, doc.” 

“And good work getting a burn because you forgot to turn off a communications console before trying to make heavy duty repairs.” Lor retorted.

“Yeah I was going to ask why you guys are doing this...” Dib had enjoyed watching the argument (anything that let him see alien tech, was  worthwhile in his book) however he couldn’t help but wonder why a doctor and a security officer were trying to do IT work. 

“Because sometimes the Syndicate gets over-eager when trying to set up for a possible invasion, and sends a lot of diplomats but no engineers.” Carrius mused. 

“Well, actually there were engineers here originally, but they left before we got back because everyone thought we were just heading back to Capitol Planet.” Lor ran a hand through his hair as he turned back to the screen. “And technically D3R1K is with engineering.” 

“ Wa ... wait... are you saying Derick. There is an alien named Derick?” Dib still had a lot to learn about aliens, but his notebook and phone were already filled with things he had learned from hanging around  Zim and the Syndicate, so he had to rely on his memory for now. But the name Derick fit in with the mundane naming scheme Allison had fallen under. 

“I mean... you’re right but your pronunciation is  kinda ... bad. It’s:  _ D3R1K _ .” Carrius gestured to the machine that Lor was working on as it shuttered and a bunch of silvery, iridescent little insectoid aliens spilled out of it. “A  Grorian swam. Also, a really great engineer who will not comment on the fact that I left an array on while doing repairs.” All of the tiny insectoid creatures stopped moving, and turned as a unit to look at Carrius before letting out a series of high-pitched noises that sounded a bit like the sounds Dib’s computer made when he spilled coffee on it. 

“What did they say?” Dib looked eagerly at Carrius. 

“I cannot repeat that while representing our ship.” Carrius straightened himself up. “Is that the sort of  language you use when addressing a superior officer?” 

“It’s the language they use after watching a superior officer burn half his face.” Lor retorted dryly. Dib really, really wanted to know what the alien swarm had said. 

“ Oh go back to light waving,  _ doctor _ .” 

“I should have just left your face burned.” Lor rolled his eyes as the swarm known as D3R1K began to shutter and jolt, moving rather erratically as it zipped from the console into a coat that had been hanging by the door, filling it out as if there were a body inside. Gloves swelled up, boots lifted off the ground, and a mask took on a vaguely “head” shape. It was only by carefully looking at the fabric, that Dib could see the unnatural movement of the swarm underneath. The swarm  picked up a little briefcase and headed back out into the hall. 

“So... your maintenance guy was just an alien swarm in a trench coat named Derick?” Dib had to make sure he had this right. 

“It’s D3R1K.” Carrius stressed the name but Dib heard no difference. “And not always. Sometimes they wear dresses instead of  trench c oats .” 

“Well... our engineer was  _ supposed _ to be Ron, but Ron ended up being Tenn.” Lor added as the panel he was working on illuminated with bright blue lights. “We could send for another engineering group to come from one of the close satellite planets, but the paperwork involved would be... just... awful. Aside from that our only other way to meet with the High Council would be by going to Capitol Planet and just meeting in person.” 

“Yeah... I was sort of wondering why you didn’t just go back when you finished on Irk. I mean,” Dib felt his face grow a little warm as Lor looked over at him with a bemused expression, “I’m glad you didn’t, but like, this seems like the face-to-face option would be a little easier.” 

“Honestly it’s because no one wanted to spend another year in that ship to get to Capitol Planet. We could try to go to the closer satellite planets, but on the off chance this is a colossal misunderstanding, we’d rather stay in neutral ground.” Lor replied with a shrug. 

“Also, in case it is real and the  Irkens try to take this planet,” Carrius whipped out a laser gun from his belt. “We can fuck them up.” 

“Right...” Dib nodded, not really sure if Carrius was the best choice if they wanted to maintain the peace between Irk and the Syndicate- then again, it didn’t seem like Irk was interested in keeping the balance since they had tried to kill them. “So... why is Q here?” 

“Simple.” Lor gestured to the white and red alien that was lying, curled around the lighting fixture high above their heads. “We can’t keep him out. We keep throwing him outside but he manages to wander back in so we’re giving up.” 

“Didn’t the Syndicate give you your freedom?” Dib looked up at the (currently) humanoid form for Q which looked back at him, all seven eyes half-lidded and sleepy. 

“ _ Yes. And I freely chose to attend _ .” 

“Why though?” Dib really would rather not have to deal with Q ever again. 

“ _ Because I feed on negative emotions and this is a War Council. You’re smart, put the pieces together and figure out my motivations for yourself. _ ” And with that Q curled back up on the light. Dib wasn’t sure how exactly he was staying up there, but he also didn’t care. 

“How is our signal, crew?” Captain Rose’s boots clicked loudly on the tile floors as she entered the room, surrounded by smaller robots each with a screen displaying different forms that she was reading and signing as she walked. “And what got into D3R1K? They are in quite a mood today.” 

“Your First Officer took a laser to the face.” Lor immediately called his brother out. 

“Oof what a dumbass. Did you wave a light over it?” 

“It’s more complicated than that!” Lor huffed. Dib laughed, he had not seen much of the Captain’s personality when she wasn’t trying to lead a crew, or stop a war. It seemed when it was just her crew and herself, she was a lot  more colloquial and easier going. 

“I know it is, Doctor.” She signed another form. “So tell me, are we online or not?” 

“We should be. Systems show a strong connection to Capitol Planet. All of the arrays are functioning at maximum efficiency.” Carrius reported with a salute. 

“Excellent. Let’s run a test call to the Council.”

“Affirmative.” Carrius and Lor began operating their specific consoles. The lights on the side pulsed evenly as a large, scanning light swept the room before a hologram of a beautiful, ornate chamber began to manifest. The three-dimensional quality on the room was incredible. Dib could see every detail, even the slight pinkish tone of the sky outside of the window. In the center of the room was a blue skinned woman, the same species as the Captain only she dressed in beautiful, ornate white robes. Her hair was adorned with glistening gemstones, styled elegantly, revealing her pointed ears. She looked older than the captain, and small dots of gold could be seen flecked over her cheek. Immediately the three Syndicate members dropped to one knee, saluting to the woman. 

“High Council Chairman  Tiriana , we are honored to report to you and the noble members of the High Council today. I am Captain Allison Rose of the G.S.T Nova.” 

“At ease, Captain. We are all eager to hear your reports from the Massive. We read the briefing and understand the severity of the situation. The Council Members are gathering outside the chambers and we are readying ourselves to begin.” The woman had a very gentle, almost melodic voice. Dib knew they had called her a chairman but the lavishness of her hair and dress all suggested that she was more of a queen. 

“Is that a fucking Parasite?” Dib nearly jumped as a second  Tangean had entered the room. This one was dressed similar to the Captain- in the blacks and reds of a Syndicate military uniform- only this woman had quite a bit more decoration on her uniform. Her hair was cut very short, nearly shaved to one side, her build was a lean, and a little sturdier despite the fact that she was easily half a foot shorter than the High Council Chairman. 

“Language, darling.” The Chairman remarked, sounding more amused than upset. 

“Sorry it just took me off guard.” The second  Tangean responded. 

“General Andromeda!”  Again, the Syndicate members dropped to one knee in respect for the military woman before them. “My sincerest apologies. We have tried ridding the room of the Parasite but it keeps  letting itself back in.”

“Huh... never seen one that close before...” She didn’t seem mad, more intrigued. “Oh!” She saw everyone kneeling and quickly nodded to them. “At ease, at ease.” Finally, the two seemed to notice Dib, who had awkwardly tried to mimic the Syndicate salute (Lor had showed it to him before,  but the positioning of the hand over the chest was weird and honestly it was kind of difficult to just drop to it at a moment’s notice). “Huh...” The General tilted her head to the side, clearly sizing him up. “Is this Dib Membrane?” Dib was a bit taken aback. They knew his name? Even the Tallest whom he had (briefly) met over a video call had not bothered learning his name. She turned to her (wife? The Chairman had called her darling, but Dib was unsure of the relationship between the two) lowering her voice, “are human heads supposed to be that large?” 

“My research indicates that they are not.” Lor answered. “However, there is nothing medically wrong with him, so to speak.”

“General, with all due respect, my head is not big.” Dib protested. The General narrowed her large blue eyes and Dib immediately regretted talking. 

“Did I say you could speak, maggot?” 

“N-no-”

“I’m just messing with you kid,” The general burst out laughing the anger nothing more than a façade. She turned to Lor who was (strangely enough) looking rather embarrassed. “Lor, where did you find this guy?” 

“Aw, I think he is sweet looking.” The Chairman smiled gently. “His head is not... so... large...” She frowned, tilting her head. “I mean it is a little...” 

“You’re right though, the people of this world do share a weird resemblance to you, kiddo.” She shrugged. “And Carrius! How are you holding up? I heard you got promoted to First Officer! Told ya it would happen!” 

“Well yeah but that’s mostly because our previous First Officer was actually an Irken in disguise.” Carrius replied with a shrug. “But hey, a promotion is a promotion.” 

“I’m sorry.” The Captain spoke up, like Dib, she  had quietly been watching the exchange as it unfolded. “But do you two  _ know  _ the General and Chairman?” 

“Yeah, they’re our moms.” Lor and Carrius replied almost in perfect unison. 

“WHY was this never brought to my attention!?” 

“It’s in our personnel files.” Carrius shrugged. “I guess it all just got delayed when we transferred into your unit. By the time they got to you. We were probably already on the mission.”

“Is that  gonna be a problem, Captain Rose?” The General arched an eyebrow, hands behind her back, sizing up the Captain (who was also taller than the General, but not quite the height of the Chairman). The  Captain coughed. 

“Of course not!”

“So that’s how you knew my name!” This made a lot more sense, though Dib was a little disappointed that it was not his excellent rescue of the Captain that had earned him recognition from these Syndicate higher-ups. 

“Oh yes, Lor talks about you all the time. He’s quite fond of you.” The Chairman smiled brightly. Dib saw Lor’s face get rather bright. “We also heard briefly from Captain Rose of your exploits aboard the Massive. Those Hyperspheres and that blast-absorbing armor your parents created is rather impressive technology given Earth’s... situation.” Dib wasn’t really sure to which ‘situation’ the Chairman was referring, but he assumed it had something to do with the near-miss Apocalypse fifty years prior. “We would actually be interested in discussing further technological research with your parents, if they are at all willing.” 

“They... don’t really believe in aliens...” Dib replied hesitantly. Well... his dad didn’t. He wasn’t sure about his mom, to be fair. 

“How sad. They seem so smart.” The Chairman shook her head sadly. “Before I was elected Chairman, I was head of our scientif i c d e v e l o p m e n t f a c i l i t y . ”

The sound of knocking interrupted the conversation and the Chairman turned her head to look at the beautiful, marble-like doors behind her. 

“Ugh, we have to do this meeting thing, don’t we?” The General made a face. “I mean the  Irkens attacked our people. I don’t  see why we can’t just call this a war and move on with our lives.” Dib was starting to see where Carrius got his lust for combat. 

“Because, my dear, that is not how things are done.” She leaned down a moment, affectionately grasping both the General’s hands and pressing their foreheads together. “We are the Syndicate: Be Free, be proud, be unified.” The General let out a sigh. 

“Fine. But I’m  complaining about it tonight when we get home.” 

“That’s fair.” The Chairman released her wife's hands as the doors behind them slid open and a colorful array of aliens began filing in. Dib had never seen so many at one time- not even in the prisons of Moo-Ping-10. Soon the room was lined with strange creatures Dib had never seen. The general muttered something in a language he did not understand, and withdrew to sit in the back. Lor and Carrius took a position on either side of the Captain before kneeling in greeting to the members of the Council. “Captain Allison Rose, hero of  Gaowei 9, You stand  before the Syndicate High Council to present word of treachery by the  Irken Empire. Please rise and tell us the tale of the attack on the Massive. You have the ears of the Council.”

“Thank you, Chairman.” The Captain stood up, her posture ridged, stiff. She seemed nervous. “As you are aware, we made a trip to the Massive- the home of All Mighty Tallests Red and Purple. We had discovered  Irken weaponry on our routine trip to the  Milmerth base. We also discovered infiltration by an  Irken Invader. These are all in direct violation of our treaty but when communications attempts were made- they failed. It was decided we would venture to the Massive itself.” 

“I thought only  Irkens were allowed on the Massive, you did you get on  board ?” One of the many aliens on the Council spoke. This was a very tall, skeletal creature without facial features that had many eyes floating in an orbit around it. Dib was in awe by the many different species on display in the hologram- however- he was a bit disappointed that this meeting was... well... a meeting. He’s been to investor meetings with his father that were more interesting than this. 

Hell, his father’s  _ wedding _ had been more interesting than this- especially when the cake had exploded. This was just a lot of talking. 

“We had assistance from Invader Skoodge?” 

“THE Invader  Skoodge ?” An olive skinned, bald creature with  markings down the front of its face spoke up. “Conqueror of  Blorch ?” 

“We believe it to be the same  Skoodge , yes. I have invited him and his bonded  Zim to speak with us here today. Though, I’ll warn you that he looks nothing like the guy on the poster.” The Captain replied, her posture never wavering. Dib had to admire the intensity in her voice and expression, but just like in class he found himself too distracted by the aliens around him to pay much attention. (He hoped she wouldn’t drop a pop quiz on him about the briefing). 

The meeting dragged on for a bit. Once the novelty of the aliens wore off, Dib was trying his best to not yawn or check his phone. (It was even harder because CB was texting him funny pictures he found online). 

The doors flew open and  Skoodge walked in looking like a frazzled parent who had only just barely managed to shove all of his kids in the minivan for the parent teacher  conference . He looked completely exhausted. But that was of little interest to Dib who was too busy staring at the long, lean forms of the All Mighty  Tallests . 

The room had gone dead silence. You could have heard a pin drop.

“ _ What _ ...” the Captain narrowed her eyes. “Is the meaning of this!?” 

“Woah  woah woah!” Tallest Purple shoved his way to the front of the group. He kept looking back to Tallest Red, as if trying to communicate something with him, as Purple cleared his throat walking straight to the center of the room. He turned to face the stunned member of the High Council who were watching with mouths agape (that is, for those who had mouths). “You see Syndicate,” he drew himself up to his full height, surprisingly graceful in his movements. “We’ve had an absolute doozy of a day.” His purple eyes scanned the shocked expressions as he continued. “It seems there is treachery, betrayal, and underhanded plotting taking place on our beloved planet and we are, honestly, just as surprised as you are about it.” 

Silence.

The Council members were looking at one another, but no one was moving to speak. Captain Rose looked back to Dib to see if he knew this was coming but the Membrane clone just shrugged, completely at a loss. 

“So... the  Irkens that attacked our landing party, were not acting on your orders?”  Finally, the High Council Chairman spoke, but her voice was very tentative. 

“Absolutely not.” Tallest Purple seemed to enjoy being the focus. “We have always respected our friends in the Syndicate. You are one of Irks oldest alliances. Tallest Miyuki herself made our treaty and Red and I have no desire to disrespect her  wishes .” 

“The orders were given by the Control Brains.” Finally, Tallest Red spoke up. Slowly he walked to join Purple in the center of the room. “We were not consulted. They acted on their own and against the interests of Irk.” 

“So, you have come all this way... to apologize?” The Chairman looked rather skeptical. Whispers flooded through the room. Dib heard a very distinct noise overhead as he looked up to  see Q had stirred and was now sitting upright. 

“Not... exactly...” There was a very distinct hesitation in Tallest Red’s response as he looked to Purple and nodded for him to continue. 

“As I mentioned before, there was treachery on Irk. The Control Brains, it seems, have other ideas for how our planet should be run.” Dib leaned forward in his seat as he watched Purple’s expression turn very serious. “We ask not only for your forgiveness toward the  Irkens who attacked your people... but we also come to you... our allies... our friends... for help.” 

“You come to us for help!?” A spiked reddish creature with burning hot lava dripping from eyeless sockets and a gaping mouth, stood quickly, slamming a hand on the table before it- singeing the solid marble-like rock. “After your  Irkens assaulted a Syndicate Captain- a Syndicate HERO! We’re not stupid,  Tallests . Your Control Brains take orders from you!” 

“They’re  _ supposed _ to take orders from us.” Tallest Red spoke, his tone severe. “We never ordered an attack on the Syndicate. We were preparing for a fair trial to discuss the matters of the weapon and the Invader. We did not order that infiltration. The Control Brains have been acting without our knowledge trying to cause war between our people.”

“Why?” The Chairman kept her calm expression, though she was one of the only ones to do so. “Why would they want a war with us? We are not some small planet with basic defenses. We actually stand on even grounds.” Dib saw  Zim open his mouth but  Skoodge very quickly covered it with his hand and the  ex-Invader fell quiet. 

“They want us to do the war thing.” It seemed  Tallest Red was struggling under the pressure of giving such a speech.

“Enact the War Protocol.” Tallest Purple interjected, helpfully. 

“Yeah that. It is quite frankly a disgusting concept. They want to turn us into an unthinking, hive-minded, swarm.”

“ _ Of course _ _ they want that, they’re Control Brains, after all. They want to control. It’s in their nature; it’s in their names _ .” Dib looked up. Q was practically leering over the scene unfolding beneath him, perched like a  predator , ready to pounce.

“Why should we believe any of this?” The General finally spoke. “These are awfully big claims and you have very little to back it up.”

“We came all of this way because we had to forcibly exile ourselves. The Control Brains tried to kill me. You have the technology to scan my PAK, so if you want proof...” Tallest Red was so looming, he had to kneel down for even Captain Rose to reach the PAK on his back, connecting it to the same machine Dib had seen before. 

All at once the room was filled with the image of red-eyed machines, watching, speaking. The rhythmic dimming and brightening of the lights- the ominous, emotionless tone of voice. It sent chills down Dib’s spine into the very pit of his stomach. He heard the screams in his head once more- the ones Q had played for him... 

Memories of a near disaster he had never witnessed caused the image to hit a little too close to home. By the time the room returned to normal, an icy sweat was clinging to Dib’s sallow skin. The room felt freezing despite the fact that his face felt as if it were on fire. He was slightly hunched trying to rid himself of the nausea that had swept through him. He felt an arm on him and weakly looked up to see Lor. He had not even noticed the medic had left his post. “You don’t look so good...” Lor whispered, his voice barely audible over the gasps and whispers of the Syndicate High Council as Red removed the wires from his PAK.

“You  gonna wave a light over me?” Dib tried to force a snarky grin. Lor put a hand to his forehead, looking  concerned . 

“Nah, you need something different.” He took a small patch from the pouch on his leg and fiddled with it for a moment before placing it on Dib’s palm. He instantly started to feel better. He gave Lor a little half smile. 

“Thanks...” He looked back to the center of the room. The High Council were in quite a state, many different species all scrambling to speak. The Chairman cleared her throat, and all at once everyone fell silent. 

“Tallest Red, thank you for sharing this information. Your situation is very serious indeed.  However ... how can we be sure this war protocol has not already been enacted.” 

“ _ The failsafe of Tallest  _ _ Dayleah _ .” 

“It seems they need permissions, but I don’t know much else on the matter.” Tallest Red grimaced. Dib blinked, looking up again. 

“It’s the Failsafe of Tallest  Dayleah .” He said at last. He knew that Q could talk to the Syndicate if he chose, but Q had a distinct habit of speaking mostly to Dib. 

Again, the room fell dead silent. 

“Wait, how do you know about Tallest Dayleah!?” Tallest Purple’s antennae stood straight up as he reeled back with indignation. “Did Zim tell you!?” 

“ Zim probably did at some point.”  Zim acknowledged with a shrug. 

“No, no. I don’t know anything about them.” Dib admitted. “Q said it.” He pointed up to the ceiling and the  Tallests followed his gaze. Purple let out a cry nearly falling back. Q leapt off the lighting fixture, hovering in the air, the scarf like appendages floating around him as if he were under water as he landed lightly before the Tallests. They dwarfed him with their heights but he seemed rather unphased by the massive Irkens. 

“What do you know about this, Q?” Captain Rose gestured to Lor. “Medic, give the Parasite a voice. It seems our little friend has been withholding information.” Lor was fumbling in his bag eventually grabbing a metallic, bandage looking apparatus with a series of small, pin-prick, blinking lights. Lor carefully approached Q who bowed his head allowing Lor to wrap the bandage around his neck, very loosely. All the lights flashed at once and Q turned to look at the Captain. 

“ _ It is not ‘withholding information’ if you never ask me anything, Captain _ .” Dib blinked. Q was talking. All this time of him having to deal with that voice in his head, translating for  Zim and  Skoodge and the Syndicate had a way to allow him to talk? Dib wasn’t sure if he should be pissed off or not- but he was, regardless.

“How does a Parasite like you know about our great and mighty Tallest!?” Therron looked  abhorred by the very thought. 

“ _ Insulting me is not a super great way to get me to talk. However, you  _ _ Irkens _ _ all must forget how old I actually am. I know you Tallest because I met her. _ ” 

“You would have to be thousands of cycles old...” Tallest Red looked completely at a loss as Dib could see him visibly trying to do the math. The Parasite merely let its too-wide mouth snake into a sharp-toothy grin. Tallest Purple shuddered. 

“Well you look awful.” 

“Don’t insult it, we need its help.” Tallest Red shushed him. 

“ _ When  _ _ Irkens _ _ first got their PAKs and the Control Brains were created to maintain the ‘Collective’ as you call it, Tallest  _ _ Dayleah _ _ feared they may one day try to act on their own accords. She had seen what  _ _ Irkens _ _ could do, she had seen your war protocol in action. She decided that it could only ever be used in times of great urgency. In order to assure the Control Brains could not activate it without reason, she made a failsafe. Only the Tallest- or  _ _ Tallests _ _ \- when they are of sound mind and body, can activate the War Protocol _ .”

“Why are you giving us this information?” Tallest Purple gave Q a rather distrusting look.  The Parasite grinned wider. 

“ _ Honestly? Because the more  _ _ this spirals _ _ , the more anxious and unhappy everyone is. I win no matter the outcome _ .” 

“You are... just delightful, aren’t you?”  Skoodge didn’t look particularly surprised by the motivations. “A little fountain of information.” 

“ _ I’m a fucking delight. _ ” 

“So only a Tallest can activate the protocol... but our communications with Irk are still down and if you have been exiled, you probably don’t have information either.” The Chairman rubbed the bridge of her nose. “This... this is a lot of new information. I’m afraid we need to call in a few new members before we can truly give a verdict on the situation.” 

“Wait  wait wat!” Purple held out his hands trying to stop her. “You can’t just put this on hold! Did you not hear the thing about our planet being attacked by unfeeling robots!?” 

“ _ You know to m _ _ ost _ _ races, you  _ _ Irkens _ _ are unfeeling robots _ .” 

“Take the talking thing off the Parasite now! I do not like it! It is rude!” He pointed angrily in Q’s direction and the Parasite simply smiled, closing all seven of its eyes, tilting  its head to the side as if trying to play cute. 

“I’m sorry Tallest Purple. This is no longer a War Summit. This is more of a re-evaluation of our alliance with a possibility of sending troops to fight on Irk rather than simply trying to defend ourselves. That is a different type of meeting that might require different choices from the electorate. Not to mention we don’t have the right paperwork for this...”

“No  no no no no!” Tallest Purple tried to call out but the aliens were already beginning to exit one by one. “Why are you leaving!? Can’t you guys decide to help us!? Just sign whatever forms you have! Send us troops or weapons... or...” he trailed off. 

“Thank you for all of your information, we will let you know when we reconvene so you may speak.” The Chairman smiled pleasantly at them and the hologram dissipated into nothing. The two  Tallests let out cries of frustration. Red slamming his hand into a wall and Purple falling to the floor and rolling around a bit, letting out a loud groan. 

“I HATE the Syndicate!” He shouted, his antennae straight up. 

“You know  _ we _ are not holograms.  _ We _ can still hear you.” The  Captain remarked dryly. 

“Well good.” Purple huffed. Red p ulled him off of the floor. 

“How long will it take?” He looked to the Captain, “until they can give us an answer?”

“Hard to say...” She shrugged. “But I need to go fill out a completely different set of forms now...” She dismissed herself grumbling as she headed back down the hall. Q floated back up to the light and had curled back up in his sleeping position. 

“I guess the only thing to do know is go back.”  Skoodge looked over to Dib, thoughtfully. “In fact, I think Therron and Voel can go ride with our human friend. His car is much more spacious.” Both  Tallests shot Skoodge a dirty look. 

“You do not get to use those names!” Red growled. “We are Tallest Red and Tallest Purple.” 

“Those are titles. You don’t get to keep them after you’re exiled.”  Skoodge replied flatly. “Dib, do you mind escorting them to  Zim’s place?” 

“You want me to drive your leaders?” Dib was skeptical. “Are they going to try to kill me?” 

“Former leaders,”  Skoodge specified, “and if they do, your car is CB so it’s at their own risk.” 

“Please don’t put us in a vehicle with CB again...” The Red leader was starting to protest but  Skoodge was already leaving. 

“I can also guard you.” Lor offered seeing Dib getting abandoned with two disgraced  Irken leaders. Dib only sighed, seeing as how he was really given limited options at this point. He did see why there was a little  bitterness and frustration with the Syndicate. It seemed there was a lot of paperwork and not a lot of action. 

He also understood, as he made his way to  Zim’s house and stopped for the FIFTH FUCKING TIME so that Therron (Therron was apparently the name of the purple clad Tallest) could get snacks, why he had been tasked with driving the fallen  Tallests back. The trip to  Zim’s house was usually a thirty-minute drive. Dib arrived an hour later.

It was bad enough having to stop. It was even worse having to hear Therron and Voel argue the entire trip back. Even CB was just spamming his phone with empathetic little gifs. Lor would try to talk but was drowned out by the constant bickering. Things were on edge, and Dib was more than ready to drop off these assholes and get his car professionally cleaned. He headed into  Zim’s house, glaring daggers at  Skoodge what had known damn well what fresh hell he had sentenced Dib to. Dib gestured around him at the weirdly furnished  livingroom . 

“You’re back.” 

“Is that my fucking spear?” Voel perked up. “Red Death!?”

“Nope, that’s  Zim’s spear now!”  Zim jumped to his feet. 

“I’m leaving.” Dib was not about to hear another fight. He grabbed Lor and turned to head right back out. Usually he’d stay to at least find out why the  Tallests had shown up- but he didn’t care. He could ask CB later if the curiosity was killing him. 

As he opened the door, he nearly tripped over something in the doorway. 

“Ah HA! I was right!” 

Dib blinked, trying to regain his balance, he looked down to see a very small little  Irken , not even bothering with a disguise. It had red eyes, green skin, the same long black antennae as  Zim and Skoodge, but it was smaller, with a rounder build. Before Dib could say anything, the lights flipped from normal to a dim blue and something dodged under him. The Irked was grabbed by the throat and forced against the ground by CB’s body as the doors slammed shut, trapping them inside. CB raised a weapon to the smaller Irken, the lights on the helmet blazing. 

“ ** You are not authorized to be here, intruder. ** ” 

“Oh shit.”  Skoodge was on his feet, a weapon drawn. Voel had grabbed the spear, ( Zim was also trying to hold and wield it simultaneously), and Tenn had dropped from the ceiling, a gun in each hand, all pointed at the unwelcome guest.  Skoodge lowered the weapon seeing the intruder already pinned to the floor. “I can’t believe your security system actually did security.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Syndicate is like living in an entire world run by the American DMV. How did you like the chapter everyone!? Poor Therron, he just wants thing to get done. Also: can you believe CB actually did his job??


	27. And Now for the Weather

Zim held to the bottom of the prized spear, his feet not even touching the ground any longer as Voel had lifted the spear into a defensive position. Had this been a more dangerous fight, Zim might, _might_ have thought about letting this go. But CB had (weirdly) this under control so the former Invader was fine simply hanging on and trying to look threatening. “Good boy CB, you show that intruder who is the boss! The boss is ZIM!” 

“Woah, woah, woah!” The little Irken recoiled not looking terrified so much as... offended by the machine holding it to the ground. Maybe Zim was misreading the expression- surely there was terror in those little, round, red eyes. “Hands off the goods you mechanized maniac!” Yep, there had to be terror in there somewhere. 

“ **Um...** ” The central light on CB’s helmet dimmed from the top and bottom, moving slowly until there was only central glowing area, as if the robot was narrowing its eye. “ **No?** ” 

“Who even are you?” Tenn still had her gun raised, peering around CB at the Irken who was slapping at the robot to get it off. Seeing as how the Irken was so small, it only seemed to be a mild bother to the AI who looked more confused than anything else. “D... does anyone here know this guy?” 

“No.” Skoodge shook his head. 

“I don’t...” Zim shrugged. 

“He leaves no impression on me at all. I’m literally staring at him and he’s so short, I’m not even sure I’ll remember him when I look away.” Tallest Purple looked away huffily. Zim made a face. Now that they were no longer the Tallests, and the idolatry had subsided, Zim was able to admit he had always had a very distinct dislike of Therron in particular. 

“Wait...” Voel was squinting at the tiny Irken trying to sort through his memory banks. “You’re the Irken from the store on Ielea-12!” 

“Bingo!” The Irken gave finger guns over the robot’s shoulder. “You always were the smart one, huh?” The way the Irken spoke was very informal and it had traces of a rural-Irk accent, which was unexpected seeing as how he had made it all the way to Earth. That was a long trip- longer when it was accompanied by the constant, relentless singing of a broken SIR- and it was uncharacteristic of rural Irkens to have the ability to travel this far. 

“Hey!” Therron interjected himself into the conversation, interrupting Zim’s train of thought. “He’s not the smart one! I am! He couldn’t remember the word armada! He thinks lasers are cool! How is he the smart one!?” 

“Fine he’s got war-smarts, you’ve got political eloquence, is that what you want to hear?” The Irken craned its head to give Therron an annoyed look. 

“And also I’m the good looking one.” Therron ignored the obvious irritation on the newcomer’s face in order to further stroke his own ego. 

“Matter of opinion, pal.” The Irken shrugged. 

“Why I never-” Before Therron could finish, the smaller cut him off. 

“So is anyone gonna call off this machine? Or am I just supposed to lie here till I die? I mean c’mon the least you could do is get me a magazine.” The Irken tried to look to the Tallests but his angle wasn’t the best. 

“You can release him,” Voel replied at last. “I doubt he could hurt us if he wanted, plus he isn’t acting like the other Irkens. He hasn’t talked about how much he loves the Control Brains.” CB turned his head to look at Voel, then back at his hostage. 

“ **I do not take orders from you**.” 

“You shut your mouth; I am the Tallest. You _say_ you are Irken. You will respect me.” Voel rose up to his full height, trying to intimidate the computer but CB just ignored him. 

“ **Master, what should I do**?” 

Zim blinked, that was a direct request to him. He... was the one in charge here. Not Voel. It was his brilliance that had created CB and thus he should decide what to do. “We have to kill him.” Zim nodded, seriously. 

“Zim, no.” Skoodge very quickly put both hands to his shoulders. 

Zim frowned as he thought over the suggestion. No... it really didn’t make much sense upon further reflection. It was one of those bad-ideas. One of the ones that would come directly from his PAK into his brain. The very state of his defect, he had been dealing with it since he was a smeet. He had gotten pretty good at telling bad-ideas from his own, real thoughts. “Hm... you’re right. Let’s not do that. CB, release him.” 

“ **Yes master.** ” CB stood up, finally letting the smaller Irken get up off of the ground. The Irken quickly got to his feet sweeping a hand over his antennae, straightening himself out, fixing his clothing, wiping off the dust and Tostito crumbs. 

“Well isn’t this just the crazy congregation? We have Tallests Red and Purple, or should I say regular Voel and Therron-” 

“You shall NOT say that.” Voel’s eyes narrowed dangerously but the intruder continued his analysis, undeterred by the threat. 

“Invaders Skoodge and Tenn, some weird Syndicate aliens, and Defect Zim with his army of automatons.” 

“It’s _Invader_ Zim, actually.” Zim corrected, not appreciative of being accused of being Defective. While it was true his PAK did sometimes force-feed strange thoughts into his head- he was not defective. In fact, he was the most-not-defective Irken ever. 

“I know what I said, asshole.” The Irken surveyed the group with mild interest. 

“You’ve said a lot of stuff, and all of it is terrible.” Therron had his arms crossed, glaring daggers at the smaller who spoke as if he were nine feet tall. 

“Well you spew a lot of bullshit too, _Therron_ , and you don’t hear me complaining.” The tiny Irken whirled around, firing back without missing a beat. 

Voel pinched the bit of skin between his eyes as Therron reeled, mouth agape. “But what you haven’t told us, is who the actual fuck, you think you are you little sac of shit.” It had been a long time since Zim had seen Voel this upset- at least- not at him. He had to admit there was a not-small part of himself that was enjoying watching this smaller trash talk his former leaders to their faces. Zim respected the Tallest position, and would never have sat by idly while they were insulted. However, as Skoodge mentioned at every chance- these were not the Tallests. And Voel and Therron had this coming for years. Especially Therron. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” The Irken smirked. “I’m Zeke.” 

“Who?” Therron looked blankly at Voel. 

“No. Fucking. Way.” Voel looked torn between disbelief and pure, unbridled rage. “You can’t be. You’re that writer that’s had all of Irk fucking questioning everything we do!? Do you KNOW how many mothra-damned INTERVIEWS we have to do undoing the damage caused by your fucking articles!?” Voel made a move toward Zeke but was knocked to the side as Skoodge jumped in between them, using his PAK legs to give him an extra jolt of speed. 

He landed in front of Zeke, looking rather excited. “I absolutely love your magazine! I’ve read every copy you released until I left Irk.” 

“Did I just get pushed aside by _Skoodge_!?” The reality of how far they had fallen was starting to sink in for Voel, Zim could see it in his expression. 

“Don’t you dare give him praise!” Therron pulled Skoodge back, away. “That little asshole has been causing us all kinds of problems!” Skoodge looked up at Therron, looking mildly annoyed, before turning away from him to talk to Zeke again. 

“Do you have a copy of _Almighty_ _Tallests_ _: Irk’s Greatest Deception_? I saw it in Tenn’s memory but I didn’t get a chance to read it.” 

“For the great Invader Skoodge, I’ll even sign it.” Zeke winked at Skoodge snapping his fingers and pointing in his direction. Zim was unimpressed. 

“So you got tailed?” Zim took a moment to turn to CB who he had carefully instructed to keep an eye on the Tallests in case of an emergency. It was good for Voel and Therron that Zim’s genius had anticipated foul play, or they would have been worse off than just being stranded on Earth. However, he expected his Control Brain prototype to be able to detect an Irken ship following them. Especially given Zeke’s size and status, Zim doubted he could afford Invader-quality technology. 

“ **I preferred to think of it as a conga line for two ships.** ” 

“Hmm, when you put it like that it does sound fun.” Zim admitted thoughtfully. 

“ **Right**?” 

“So,” Zim turned back to Zeke who was talking to Skoodge, ignoring the fact that both Therron and Voel looked ready to actively attack. “You’re some sort of, sensationalist... tabloid... writer for lies?” Zim had not read any of Zeke’s articles, but he had gotten summaries from Skoodge and they all sounded like various stabs at the Tallests and their power over Irk. 

“Lies? I don’t write lies, Zim. I’m an investigative journalist. I write truth.” Zeke’s eyes narrowed. “I take great pride in my work.” 

“Truth? You write things like: The Tallests: Losing Irkens?” Therron quoted one of the titles Zim recalled seeing Skoodge reading. 

“Didn’t you?” Zeke lifted one antenna, the other still flat against his head. “There are cases of multiple Irkens going missing within the past few cycles and not a single news source was reporting on it. In fact, Invader Tenn was reported missing quite a while back.” 

“Okay, bad example.” Voel growled. “What about the article you wrote about Therron spending all of that monies on... some... ride...” As he spoke, he slowly lost that vigor. “Okay but the one about us being controlled is...” Voel stopped dead. 

“Is... what?” Zeke questioned. 

“You have a mighty smug smirk on your face for someone who is punting-sized.” The growl was back in Voel’s voice as he drew himself up to his full height. “You are wanted on Irk. You’re not a journalist- you're a criminal!” 

“I can’t believe this is Zeke. I’ve had snacks bigger than him...” Therron was muttering more to himself than the others in the room. 

“I’m going to actually kill him.” Voel tightened his grip on the spear. 

“Slow it there ace.” Zeke held up both of his hands. “Before you go impaling me, or pissing off that weird computer body guard Zim has-” 

“ **I would not stop him. I am not personally invested in whether you live or die**.” CB interjected, cutting the journalist/criminal off. 

“Right.” Zeke frowned slightly. “Well before you kill me. I should ask if you really want to murder the only Irken here who knows what’s happening on Irk.” 

“You have news from home!?” Tenn finally dropped her gun. The entire time the former Tallests and Zeke had been fighting, Tenn had been looking ready to fire. However, at news of Irk, she immediately lowered her weapon. 

“Damn right I do. I saw what the masses were told in regards to your... shall we say- forced eviction?” He looked to Voel and Therron who had calmed their rage only slightly. It seemed their curiosity was the only thing stronger than the current, bitter hate that they seemed to harbor for this tiny Irken. Zim had to admit, it was nice to have someone else to draw the ire of the taller Irkens. 

“Care to show us?” Skoodge looked to Zim for just a moment as he made the suggestion. “Zim has some technology from the Syndicate that can display the information in your PAK for us to watch. It can be...” he trailed off searching for the right word, “ _facilitated_ by CB.” Zim let out a breath he did not realize he had been holding. 

He knew Skoodge did not trust CB one hundred percent, and after the incident with the Control Brains, Zim feared that mistrust was only growing. However, Skoodge carefully circumvented the fact that CB was... well... a Control Brain himself. It was best (especially with the Dib human nearby) that they not look too deeply into Zim’s brilliant creation. 

“You took some of our technology?” Lor looked a bit confused. 

“Not really ‘ _took_ ’ we... ‘ _adapted_ ’ it.” Skoodge patted the doctor on the hand trying to reassure him. “And Zim got it from Vort so really they stole it.” 

“This is all true.” Zim affirmed the lie with the utmost confidence. “Blame Vort. They are just terrible about divulging the technological secrets of other races. They also have the universe’s comfiest couch- in case you are looking to visit them for sweet revenge.” 

“That couch does sound nice.” Lor nodded thoughtfully. 

“I guess it would be more dramatic to show you what I saw...” Zeke shrugged. “And writing your reactions from my perspective would really draw in more readers. Think about it,” He continued talking as CB began to open his PAK, “Zeke watches as the Tallests see the current state of Irk. A single tear drips from Purple’s eye as he realizes how they failed.” 

“We didn’t _fail_ !” Voel spat at the same time Therron shouted: “I’m not _CRYING_!” 

All at once, everyone fell silent as the room illuminated with a beautiful, three-dimensional projection of the capitol city of Irk. Zim recognized it instantly. The looming buildings, the screens and news tickers floating on every corner. Like with Tenn’s memories. CB had implanted a weird... make-shift Zeke-doll to orient the image. As he saw the dark sky overhead, the twinkling lights in the buildings that rose high into the night... Zim felt homesick. 

It had been far too long since he had seen Irk proper. 

“ **Emergency! Emergency! Emergency**!” All at once the little news tickers changed their crawl to red, blinking letters. Panic swept through the crowd of Irkens walking through the city. Like a well-oiled machine, all heads turned to look at the screens as the anchor flickered out of view and was replaced by... Sym? 

Yuck. 

“Citizens of Irk. I am Sym, Secretary of Agenda for Tallests Red and Purple. News has just come to us that the Syndicate has _murdered_ our beloved leaders.” The gasp that swept through the streets was audible. Zim heard several Irkens cry out. Sym looked genuinely upset as well, which was a little odd considering that Zim had assumed she had no soul. “We have video of the incident in question. Please deactivate the video feed for the smeetery as this imagery can be disturbing.” 

The image flickered to the control room of the Massive. Captain Rose was standing there: “I am Captain Rose of the G.S.T. Nova. You have violated a treaty between the Syndicate and the Empire.” Zim blinked, he recalled these sentences not having been consecutive. 

The screen flickered to Therron, reeling back. “You brought a parasite!?” Q was before him in his corrupted, Irken form the unblinking, seven red eyes boring into the camera as if knowing it was there. The dialogue was being taken all out of order. 

“We’ve been allied since Tallest Miyuki...” Voel was speaking now. “No...” They were focused solely on Voel. “No that doesn’t make sense... They wanted a fight. They killed Tenn.” Everyone turned and looked at the real Voel who was standing very quietly toward the back. 

“I didn’t say that! This is from when I was talking to the Control Brain! They’re cutting up everything to make it sound bad!” 

“That would mean war...” Virtual Voel continued, looking rather concerned. 

“Voel!” It suddenly cut to Therron looking horrified as Voel was on the ground. The real Voel winced and Zim realized that this must have been when the Control Brains tried to kill him. The video feed went dead and in the subsequent silence, Zim could hear the sounds of Irkens sobbing out loud. He had not felt such fear and sadness in the people of Irk since Tallest Miyuki’s untimely demise. Spork, of course, was sad too- however- he had not had a long reign. 

“No no, they fucked with that footage- they're trying to frame the Syndicate!” Voel looked nearly panicked as he saw the reaction of the crowd. “W- we’re not DEAD!” The screens on Irk lit back up and Sym was back in focus. 

“We know it was painful to witness...” Her voice shook. “However, people of Irk, you must not lose hope. I bring you, our Tallests-Rising.” The screen shifted and Sym was accompanied by... Zim blinked. The weird door guards? “Introducing your future Tallests: Xia and Vero!” And with that the feed was cut off. Voel grabbed Zeke, nearly jerking his PAK off with the force of disconnecting him from the wires that allowed for the display to be projected. 

“XIA AND VERO!? ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?” He slammed Zeke into a wall. “They probably launched the War Protocol instantly.” 

“Calm down ya fucking giant.” Zeke pulled at Voel’s hands trying to dislodge them from his uniform. “When I left, those two were still in training. Technically, until they finish, there is no ‘official’ Tallest for Irk.” The look of relief that washed over Voel’s face was surprising, as he let Zeke drop to the ground, taking a deep breath. 

“How long do we have till they’re out of training?” Zim recalled that Voel and Therron had taken quite a bit of time in their training. It had been a long time since they had been given the title, and the memories were jumbled with other- more important memories- such as all the lyrics to the Bloaty’s Pizza Hog jingle... however, Zim recalled it being a lot of training. 

“That I’m not sure. I left quick to follow my hunch about you two still being alive.” Zeke replied with a shrug. “So, I’m not sure how that turned out.” 

“We’re dead, the planet’s ready to declare war, they’re in a political power vacuum and you.... _leave_?” Voel gave the reporter a completely flabbergasted look. 

“I had to follow my lead. A good story is one about the Rising Tallests and their possible war plans. A better story is one where I prove that not only are you both alive- but the Syndicate was framed.” He tapped the side of his head with a confident expression. “You may be tall, but you have no nose for news.” 

“Well can’t you just download the updated information? We’re all cut off from the Collective, so it’s out of the question. But you...” 

“ **He is disconnected as well**.” Voel slowly turned to look at CB. 

“How did you know-” 

“Why are _you_ disconnected!?” Therron cut off Voel’s thoughts and Zim sighed a very soft little sigh of relief. 

“Because Irkens are going missing? Our Tallests were “murdered”? The Syndicate of all Organizations is the one accused of doing it? I may not be an Invader but I don’t think there are Syndicate Assassins, and if there were- the paperwork for political murders would be far more trouble than it would be worth to just end an alliance with Irk. This is all some crazy conspiracy-level coincidence. I disconnected myself before I go missing too. Ya know?” 

“So you know nothing.” Zim tilted his head to one side. 

“Nothing? Were you listening?” Zeke looked offended. Zim had been listening, but only because Zeke spoke at a very understandable volume unlike every other Irken who just mumbled unless they were upset. (Skoodge had been easier to hear recently, though. Perhaps living with Zim had broken him of his mumbling obsession). 

“Yes. But you started sounding crazy so I was tuning you out.” 

“I know that I have one hell of a story!” Zeke clapped his hands together. “This is going to be more popular than: Tallest Miyuki was an Inside Job!” 

“But we have no idea what is happening back at home.” Tenn replied pointedly. 

“Nah I got an Irken on the inside. Been leaking me information for years.” Zeke replied confidently. 

Therron scoffed. “Three smallers in a trenchcoat?” 

“I’m not telling.” Zeke turned his whole body away from Therron to look at Zim. “Thing is, Zim, signals to Irk are down, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. But with this sweet set up you have; I might be able to open up some kind of communication line to let our masses know our Tallests aren’t dead.” Zim narrowed his eyes, not liking the direction this was headed. 

“So you want to stay in my house.” 

“Yes.” 

“Fine.” Zim sighed. “But this is just another mouth for Zim to feed with Dib’s credit card.” 

Dib, who had been very quiet for the entire exchange, finally spoke up. “I’m sorry; what the fuck did you just say?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way shorter chapter this week but it is so chock-full of plot information I hope it is enough to keep you going till next week! The plot thickens!


	28. Therron Gets  Dunked On

Zim squinted at the puzzle before him, analyzing every possible outcome before finally deciding on the ideal strategy. “I play the three of spades. You are defeated.”  Skoodge and Tenn looked at  each other for a moment.

“ Zim , we’re playing Jenga... we still don’t know why you have cards.”  Skoodge put an arm around him, gently lowering his winning hand (most likely out of shame for his defeat). Therron sighed, looking rather huffy as he  delicately drew a wooden block from the tower. 

“I don’t see why we’re letting him use cards. He understands these rules less than I do.” The fallen leader of Irk had his head in his hand, barely fitting in the chair, long legs constantly threatening to bump the table. “And I just learned this game.” 

“ Zim has a unique set of rules for every game.” Skoodge replied cheerfully. 

“You think this is bad, try playing  Zim ball.” Tenn carefully reached out, drawing out one of the wooden blocks. The tower trembled and the  Irkens all froze in collective fear. It  stabilized and a unified sigh of relief swept through the group.

“ Zim ball is the greatest game ever created.”  Zim retorted.  Skoodge was focused on the task at hand,  ignoring all distraction as he carefully pulled another block. 

“It is fun.” Tenn agreed. 

“Now what number do I roll to win this?”It was  Zim’s turn and he had, helpfully, brought the die. Therron smacked himself in the face. 

“You don’t need weird numbered squares you just have to pull a block!” 

“Oh.”  Zim looked at the structure and drew one of the blocks from the bottom as the other three players cried out. The tower teetered, it tottered, and eventually, it re- stabilized leaving three open-mouthed  Irkens staring with wide eyes and the genius before them. 

“No way! It didn’t fall?” Tenn had her hands over her mouth.

“Of course not. I’m not stupid. I know how to analyze structural integrity.”  Zim crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. 

“ ** WEEEEEEEEEE ** !” A whirl of metal and lights zipped passed the group as the  Irkens struggled to keep their precarious tower in one piece. “ ** I’M PUTTIN’ UP WIRES ** !” 

“ ** GIR! No! Come b-b-back ** !” Another blur, this one of blue and black as CB raced after GIR. “ ** THOSE WIRES ARE NOT SPARES! I-I-I- ** ” The robotic body  seized up for a moment. “ ** I need those you little m-m-monster!!! ** ” 

“You’re both doing good boys.” Zeke trailed along behind the robotic chaos, seemingly pleased with himself. “Soon we’ll finish our set up and maintain a secure line to contact Irk directly.”  Zeke went to pass under the table but Therron grabbed him, picking him up by the collar. 

“If you so much as fucking look at this table and make these blocks fall, I will personally throw you into space.” 

“Sheesh,” Zeke looked unimpressed. “Cool it, pal. I am doing important work.” 

“So are we!” Therron dropped Zeke on the  other side of the table. 

“This is important?” Zeke lifted an antenna skeptically. 

“It is so long as I’m winning.” Therron turned to Tenn. “It’s your turn.” 

“Right!” Tenn bit her lower lip, focusing as she pulled out another little block. The tower trembled dangerously. Tenn squeaked, closing her eyes. “Rodamnit.” There was a clatter and the tower collapsed around them. Therron put a foot on the table triumphantly. 

“I’ve still got it!!” 

“Technically,”  Skoodge glared up at him “ Zim and I  also won.” 

“ Yes, but I win more because I’m taller.” Therron retorted. 

“Who cares who wins.” Voel had finally emerged from the lower base just in time to witness Tenn’s humiliating defeat at the hands of  Zim’s amazing talent. “The tower collapsed, just like our empire. Everything crashed down around you despite all of your best efforts to keep it afloat. You sat in your chair completely unaware to the fact that there were forces operating under your noses to collapse everything you tried so hard to protect. And yet life continues to go on like you never even mattered to begin with.” 

“Wow....” Therron’s eyes were wide, his antennae back, as he looked at the scattered wooden blocks. “Jenga is really complicated!”

“Voel...:”  Zim looked at the blocks then back at the red clad  Irken . “Are you _ okay _ ?” Voel had shed the crest of the Tallest wearing only the basic armor underneath. The beautiful embellishments, the symbols of his rank had long ago been tossed to the side. The once pristine armor had become rumpled and smudged. Voel looked at Zim, his antennae flat as he narrows his eyes, letting out a deep, guttural growl of intense displeasure. 

“I’m fucking fine,  Zim . Thanks.” 

“We all miss Irk, Voel...”  Zim looked to the others for confirmation. “Zeke is going to help us get in touch with the people so we can  tell them of the Control Brains  evil plans!” 

“No  Zim . He’s not. He’s not going to do shit. The guy is two fucking feet tall. He can’t change a  Mothra damned light bulb! Irk is going to fall to the Control Brains because our new Tallests are a hot head and a moron!”

“I see no difference from the previous Tallests.” Skoodge muttered. 

“The Syndicate are nothing but useless bureaucrats, the computers here are either broken, insane, or both, and that weirdly shaped human-thing keeps coming around spreading its gross diseases all over everything- and I hate it here! Face it! We’ve lost.” Red continued, ignoring  Skoodge’s input.  Zim was quiet. He had never seen Voel like this...

“Forget about Irk.” Therron was the one who actually spoke  up. He sauntered over, wrapping an arm around Voel’s shoulders. “What’s so great about our home planet? Without us, it’s nothing.”  Zim was not entirely sure this was helping. “I say we take over Earth instead! I mean it’s primitive, sure, but it has potential! We have more than enough  Irkens to conquer this place: we enslave the locals, enjoy all the sitcoms and dramas we want, and get cats. I want cats Voel I have seen them on the internet and I relate to them immensely.” 

“Do whatever the fuck you want.” Voel growled, shoving Therron aside. “I don’t care.” 

“Voel...” Therron blinked as the disgraced leader with the crimson eyes snatched a half-eaten candy bar from the table and returned back into the depths of  Zim’s lab without another word. “Well he’s just in a bad mood.” 

“Sounds rough buddy.” Zeke sounded remarkably unempathetic as he immediately turned back to Zim. “ So the robots... are they...?”

“Well made? Indestructible? Mine?”  Zim was a very good guesser. 

“... broken...?” Zeke  allowed Zim to guess before he finished his sentence. ‘Broken’ was going to be  Zim’s next guess for sure. 

“Yeah, pretty much. Why?” 

“Because all I did was ask your SIR to hold something and he started re wiring your base.” 

“Hmm... that sounds like him.”  Zim nodded. 

“ So the wires weren’t for you?”  Skoodge looked over to where CB was trying to actively pull GIR out from underneath the floor paneling. Zeke shook his head. 

“Why are you talking about robots? We should be talking about how you guys are going to take over Earth for me.” Therron flopped back into his chair, clearly upset by Voel’s attitude. “I expect to see progress by the end of today.” 

“ Oh _ now _ you want Earth. But When I tried to give it to you on a silver platter it was  _ too stinky _ , and _ too far away _ , and  _ not even a real planet _ .”  Zim did his best Therron impression much to the utter annoyance of his former leader. 

“Shut up Zim.” 

“No.”  Zim wasn’t exactly in the greatest mood either after seeing Voel storm off. Things were stressful. His base was not meant to house all these  Irkens and he wasn’t exactly a fan of being given orders in his own house by the very same  Irkens that spurned him. “ Zim won’t-” He stopped himself. No formal  Irken speech. Therron didn’t deserve it. “ **_ I _ ** won’t.” He corrected. “You aren’t going to rule Earth because it sucks. And you suck. And if you try to take over this planet then the Syndicate will get mad and we lose any chance of getting them to help us.”  Zim looked over at  Skoodge to see how his argument was fairing. He was pleased to see his  bond-mate looking rather impressed. 

“The Syndicate doesn’t have dibs on Earth. And if it makes them mad, who cares? We don’t need to get Irk back.” Therron refused to look at  Zim . His arms crossed in pure indignation. “And even if we wanted to waste our time, we don’t need help from the Syndicate.”

“ _ Shut up Therron _ .”  Zim felt fire in him as he spat Therron’s words back in his face. Was this how it felt to be tall? 

“Listen here you little shit-” Therron was on his feet in a second, teeth bared as he made a motion to grab  Zim . (Probably just to throw him out of a window or something, but his PAK legs were extending and he looked royally pissed).  Zim stood his ground and before Therron could touch him, the taller was met with solid, cold metal. CB was standing in front of his master, the blue light on his helmet shining brightly. “HEY!” Therron tried to pull back, but the robotic body had a grip on his arm. “Let me go,  you weird robot thing!”

“ ** I only take orders from  ** ** Zim ** **. And that is only sometimes. When I want to. ** ” CB turned to look back at  Zim . “ ** What shall I do with him, Master ** ?” 

“Let him go CB,”  Zim was giving off the air of compassion, when in reality he was trying very hard to de-escalate the situation before CB seized control of Therron the way he had done to Skoodge. “But thank you for defending me this time.” Twice now CB had done his job, and that was a new record as far as Zim was concerned. 

“Creepy robot.” Therron had calmed down, the only thing injured was his dignity. 

“Now, we can talk about a plan.”  Zim looked back to Tenn and  Skoodge .  Skoodge sighed, it sounded a little sad. His antennae drooped. 

“ Zim , we might have to cut our losses here...”  Skoodge put a hand on Zim’s arm. “I mean, unless the Syndicate gives us an army... which given their past experiences with Irk... is highly unlikely- there isn’t much we can do...” 

“We can’t just... abandon Irk... it’s our home...” Zim couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Irk... wasn’t all that great  Zim . I mean... you’re short... you had to see that.”  Zim could not believe what he was hearing. Sure,  Skoodge was unhappy. He knew that, he understood why... but this was just not an option. “I’m not exactly on board with innocent  Irkens getting brainwashed... but just us stopping something this big is unlikely at best.”

“Irk is our home!  Irkens don’t give up!” He looked at Tenn and Zeke. “Right!?” 

“Um...” Tenn squeaked, her antennae both standing straight up. “It is unlikely we’ll get backup, should we go to Irk directly. The Syndicate is more likely to be reactive rather than proactive. And I know I’m amazing, but... even I can’t take on a whole bunch of  Irkens all at once. I mean... maybe like twenty... but not two hundred...”

“And I’m just here for the story, honestly.” Zeke gave a  noncommittal shrug. 

“But what good is a story if the  Irkens are all brainwashed!? Who will read it!?”  Zim retorted. 

“The Vort.” Zeke had that answer prepared or something because his answer came lightning quick.  Zim felt his own antennae droop. 

“You are all terrible  Irkens . Just... all of you.” 

“ ** Father ** ?”

“Not now CB, father is busy yelling.”  Zim mentally kicked himself for slipping up and using CB’s stupid nickname for him. 

“ ** But Father, I have a signal ** .” 

“A what now?” 

“ ** A signal, from Irk ** .” 

“Praise  Mothra !”  Zim’s antennae instantly perked back up. “CB, alert Voel! Patch the signal through!”  Zim hurriedly tried to clear the remainder of the Jenga blocks off of the table. There was a very distinct hesitation from his AI. 

“ ** I can do one of those two things. ** ”

“Why? Is Voel busy?”

“ ** No. I can retrieve him, however... the signal is very faint. I am unable to patch it through. I am receiving heavy interference. ** ”

“ Mhm ,  mhm ...”  Zim nodded seriously. “Okay. Well, stop having interference, then patch the signal through.” 

“ ** Well, I suppose we could wait it out... however if you wish to expedite the process, I have managed to locate an area where the signal is stronger. It should only take an hour or two by cruiser. ** ” CB pulled up a holographic map, showing a blinking light located in an isolated area up in the northern aspects of the planet.  Zim sighed. 

“Fine. CB, ready the cruiser you stole from the Massive. It is the only one big enough to fit everyone in it.”  Zim was enjoying being the one to give orders for once. It was far more  satisfying when CB actually listened. “And alert Voel that we’re leaving. If he tries to stay, tell him he has to watch GIR.” That should make him move. 

“ ** Affirmative ** .” 

“Skoodge, Tenn, Zeke, and whoever else, let’s go to the ship.” 

“Whoever else?  You _ only  _ didn’t say  _ my _ name!” Therron whined but  Zim was happy to ignore him as he headed to the roof which was slowly parting as the cruiser was illuminating with life.  Skoodge was the first to follow him in. 

“You’re acting different.” He  mused, he didn’t look upset; in fact, he was smiling. 

“If Voel and Therron are going to loaf around being useless, then someone has to help Irk.”  Zim replied puffing his chest out a bit in an attempt to show off. “We don’t have the Collective to fall back on right now. I know they’re hurting... but... we have to keep fighting. The Control Brains aren’t going to get away with this.”

“You know what,  Zim ? You’re right.”  Skoodge nodded. 

“Of course, I am. I’m amazing. You already knew this.”  Zim swished his antennae in a small, egotistical display.  Skoodge laughed. Tenn and Zeke had managed to get to the ship by this point as well. Tenn looked a tad annoyed. 

“I wanted to bring my backup guns but CB said I could only bring one because we’re going to civilian territory.” 

“You have back up guns?” Skoodge raised a single antenna. 

“You guys don’t? I have a backup, and a back up, back up. And just in case- there is a  back up , back up, back up! Oh and-” 

“We got it.” Zim held up a hand. 

Therron and Voel eventually found their way to the roof, the ship was already fully prepared to leave.  Zim had gotten in the driver’s seat as CB ushered the fallen leaders into the back. “ Zim, this is a waste of our time.” Voel argued. 

“You didn’t have to come.” Zim reminded him as the ship began to take off. 

“Fuck you, I’m not staying with GIR. He’s weird. I saw him eat a dog. I don’t even know where it went. I just... he put it in his mouth and it was gone. Then I saw the same dog later in the air vents and it was wearing a hat- HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN ZIM!? WHERE DID THE TINY HAT COME FROM!?” The only thing  Zim had gleaned from Voel’s rant, was that Voel had learned what a dog was at some point while on Earth.

“Ah yes, dogs are interesting.” Zim replied. 

“Dogs are-  Zim were you listening!?”

Zim was not. He was more distracted by the black blur that was coming right for the ship as it tried to take off. But the blur was on the ground and the ship was in the air- so there was no need for any real concern-

Scratch that.

The blur had jumped and was now on the hood of the ship. 

“Oh, hello Lor.”  Zim blinked at Lor who was looking irritated. 

“Sweet fucking  Mothra !” Therron had a hand over where his cardiac  spooch must have been pounding in his chest cavity. He looked genuinely disconcerted. “Where did you even come from!?”

“The apartment. And Dib and I were very busy when you guys decided to take off.” Lor  jumped off the hood, grabbing the front of the ship  and dragging it with him to the ground. “Are  y’all not familiar with the concept of a house arrest?” 

“ Oh that’s right!”  Skoodge clapped his hands together. “Voel and Therron are war criminals still, technically.” 

“ _ Yeah _ , they  _ are _ .” Lor’s eyes were narrowed as he held tightly to the hood of the aircraft, refusing to let it take off. For such a scrawny creature, Lor had a lot of strength.  Zim would give him this. “You can’t just leave! We’re supposed to be keeping an eye on you! What if you decide to take off back to your home planet or something!?”

“Oh yeah...”  Zim vaguely remembered this, but had not really deemed the information important enough to permanently store in his memory. It was just the Syndicate after all. What was the worst they would do? Make them fill our extra paperwork? Lecture them about the dangers of leaving while under house arrest? “Well then you can come with us to make sure we’re not trying to make an escape.”  Zim offered. 

“Oh... huh... all right but I  kinda wanted to get back to Dib...” Lor looked thoughtful for a moment before sighing heavily. “Fine I’ll just text him. We won’t be gone long, right?” 

“No.”  Zim assured him. 

“Fine.” Lor released the craft, and ran to the back opening it up and sitting right between Voel and Therron. “I’ve got my eye on you two.”

“Fine. See if we care.” Voel tried to shove Lor away, but found the experience to be a bit like trying to shove a metric ton of lead and he simply retracted his hand as if the action had never occurred. Lor didn’t even notice the attempt. 

“Where are  y’all headed anyway?” Lor asked, looking at his phone. 

“To trace a signal from Irk. Zeke has been trying to make contact and we finally got somewhere but CB says the signal is weak. So now we have to travel to where he can transmit it for us.”  Zim explained as he did his best to keep an eye of for the constant threat of human bees. 

“Shit, yeah I probably need to monitor this or something.” Lor finally looked up from his phone. “I mean that’s a big deal, contact with your home planet.” 

“Monitor it? Why? In case one of us gets a cut?” Therron scoffed. "Great news everyone, the doctor is going to make sure we aren’t transmitting secret messages to Irk.”

“Least I have a rank.” Lor shot back.  Zim heard  Skoodge stifle a laugh. 

“It’s all pointless anyway.” Voel grumbled. “The signal is probably the Control Brains telling us that  Mothra herself came down and decided that they were the true leaders of Irk.”

“You’re so gloomy...”  Zim did not want all this negativity while he was trying to drive. He was trying to tune out the chatter as the diverse and colorful landscape of Earth slowly changed to a bitter, vacant white. The sunny sky turning black. For humans it would have been too cold- however  Irkens were accustomed to cold, in fact the preferred it. The body suits the  Irkens would wear beneath their armor regulated their body temperatures.  Zim was vaguely aware that the Syndicate used similar technology- though he  doubted Lor would be too bothered by the cold regardless. 

“ ** This is the spot ** .” The ship stopped and gently began to descend onto the thick sheets of snow. Had  Zim thought on it more, he might have had concern that CB was actually the one driving the ship. However,  Zim had more pressing matters before him. “ ** We will need to exit the ship so I can get a clearer signal. ** ” 

“Why though?” Skoodge protested. 

“Silence!”  Zim pressed the button for the back doors to open and Lor, Therron, and Voel (who had been leaning on the doors) all fell back out into the snow. Skoodge,  Zim , and Tenn exited the ship as well, but with far more dignity and grace as they looked up at the dark sky.  Zim wasn’t sure why they were all looking up... well... he was looking up because CB was looking up. He assumed Tenn and  Skoodge were just following his example because they had such a deep, infallible respect for him. “All right CB, patch the signal through.” 

“Wait!” Tenn cried out, bouncing a bit. “Look at the sky!” 

Zim looked. The darkness had stirred with a sudden flash of green lighting, snaking its way through the night. It started faint, but gradually the sky became ablaze with color. The  Irkens were silent.  Zim felt an aching in the pit of his squeedily spooch. 

The lights... 

“The Veil of Mothra...” Voel slowly got to his feet. 

On Irk, lights of golds, whites, purples, blues and reds would dance across the sky on the sacred nights of the  Mothra Festival- it was Irks oldest and most treasured holiday...  Zim recalled seeing the Veil of  Mothra for the first time upon exiting the  smeetry . The night had been warm for Irk, but the suns had both set and the sky  was illuminated by color. Through the dark looming buildings,  Zim remembered seeing the color blazing through the dark. 

Zim remembered home... 

“Why would  Mothra bestow her glory on this lowly planet?” Therron squinted at the sky. “It isn’t even the same, it is missing half the colors and the shape of the lights are just all wrong. They radiate outward from a central point. Like wings. This is the Flame of Ghidora at best.” 

“ ** It is not the Veil of Mothra, it is a similar event that takes place on Earth. ** ” CB explained. “ ** But I thought you needed to be reminded of home. You were all so angry, so sad... you needed to see what you were fighting for. ** ” 

“Bold statement from a computer.” Voel only tore his gaze away to  give CB a glare. “You drag us all the way out here in hopes we’d be what... inspired?” 

“ ** Well... yes... ** ” 

“We’re still outnumbered, outgunned, and probably way too late to do anything to stop the Control Brains. How is reminding us of the home we lost supposed to help?” Voel sounded angry, but he was looking back up at the sky again. 

“ ** Irk is not lost. ** ” CB repeated. “ ** I really did get a signal. But if you are going to help your planet you can’t be at  ** ** each other's ** ** throats like this. You’re arguing like a Vort and a  ** ** Meekrob ** .” 

“CB’s right.”  Zim cleared his throat. “This is not a time for arguing! This is a time for action. And while some of you may think arguing is an action, you are wrong! We’re all that’s left of Irk right now and we’re all going to need to contribute! We need everyone. We need Skoodge and his ability to blend in and gather information! We need Tenn and her excellent marksmanship and weapons expertise! We need Zeke and his weird ability to sway the Irken masses by publishing conspiracy theory level gossip! We need Voel and his military expertise and great fighting skills. We need Therron I guess. And we need me and my brilliant brain and excellent leadership.”

“Wait hey!” Therron protested. 

“ Zim’s right.”  Skoodge looked back up at the sky. “Irk needs us. I’ll admit it has some imperfections, but it’s our home.” 

“We have to try.” Tenn nodded. 

“So... did you make the signal up?” Voel was still not sold on the idea, but he no longer looked as miserable. “Because I know I’ a great fighter but we need more than just two full sized  Irkens and a bunch of  smallers to take on the Control Brains.”

“It was  smallers that saved your asses.”  Skoodge pointed out. 

“ ** The signal is real, but I could have patched it through from the house. ** ” 

“CB you piece of-” 

“Oh hey!” Lor spoke up, alerting  Zim to the fact that he still existed. He was pointing at a second space ship that was now landing in the distance. “That’s a Syndicate ship!” The small, sleek looking ship landed silently on the snow and the doors opened as Captain Rose and Carrius disembarked. “Hey Captain!” Lor waved. 

“Why are you all out here!? You’re  Tallests are supposed to be under House Arrest!” Captain Rose looked genuinely annoyed. 

“It’s okay, I came along to monitor them.” Lor assured her. She sighed, turning slowly to give the doctor a very stern look. 

“That just turned it into a kidnapping.” 

“You didn’t text your Captain?”  Skoodge looked surprised. “You were on your phone for most of the trip! I thought you were relaying  the situation.” 

“Oh... nah, I was texting Dib, but I probably should have said something.” Lor shrugged. 

“ ** Signal is live ** .” CB interrupted the conversation as a hologram illuminated in the middle of the group. There was silence followed by a staticky picture of a closet.  Zim was not surprised that a janitor would be Zeke’s informant. 

“Time to meet your three  Irkens in a trench coat I guess.” Therron crossed his arms looking at the display, unimpressed. 

“Hey,” a hushed voice spoke, though no Irken is visible. “Zeke are you there?”

“I’m here.” Zeke stepped forward. “Eight  tallers walk into a bar.”

“And the bartender says: why the long face.” The reply was quick.  Zim didn’t get it. And from the looks on the faces of the others, no one else got the joke either. Zeke waved off their confusion. 

“It’s a passphrase.” He grumbled. 

“Okay, so” the camera shifted and  Zim found himself staring at the very same guard who had decided to let them in after being convinced that Zeke was trying to steal the  Tallests ’ pizza. But that made no sense, surely if he worked for Zeke, he would have called their bluff.  Zim realized, then, that his superior acting skills must have sold the lie for them. 

“Vero you son of a bitch!” Voel hissed, teeth bared, antennae lying flat back against his skull. “You’re the leak!?”

“I can’t believe Vero is three  Irkens in a  trench coat .” Therron snorted. 

“I can.” Voel retorted back. “How could you leak top secret things to this... this guy.” Voel made an  emphatic gesture toward Zeke. 

“The guy writes good articles.” Vero shrugged. “Look I don’t have all that long before the Control Brains come looking for me. Things aren’t good on Irk. I’m willing to go so far as to say they are bad.  Downright sucky, in fact.”

“Have they brainwashed the masses yet?”  Skoodge asked quickly. 

“No... Xia and I aren’t officially  Tallests yet. I’m stalling.” 

“Stalling?” Voel lifted an antenna, “or just lazy?”

“Lazy with a purpose.” Vero winked shooting finger guns in Voel’s direction. 

“Well stop doing that and hurry up and tell everyone that we aren't dead and we are ready to come back and lead agin.” Voel waved a hand toward Vero. 

“I don’t  wanna do that because anyone who even suggests that you might not be all the dead is receiving the punishment for high treason.” Vero hesitated. 

“They can’t throw you out into space, Vero. You don’t fit in the airlock.” Therron reminded him, hands pressed together. “I’ve tried.”

“ Mmm ... yeah... it’s more like they’re straight up killing?” Vero’s tone had an inflection as if it were a question but the statement had made silence fall over the group. “And like I said, I don’t want to die. I  haven't had  ice-cream pizza yet.” 

“Vero you ate that on your first day on the Massive.” Voel replied, though his expression was still shocked, the response seemed almost automated. 

“Oh yeah. But I want it again.” Vero leaned back. “Look I don’t know how much longer I can stall. They are already gathering  Irkens for something they are calling a “celebratory but mandatory reassigning”. It’s looking bad.” 

“Have a lot of  Irkens gone through it?”  Zim was paying attention this time. 

“Yeah, a good many. All  Irkens off world are being called back too.” Vero paused. “Shit, I  gotta go, I hear Xia. Glad you aren't dead. But if you do decide to die, text me okay?” He began to scurry up and the line went dead. 

For a moment, no one said anything. The plan to inform Irk of the  Tallests survival and the innocence  of the Syndicate, had gotten a lot more complex. 

But complex was not impossible. 

And  Zim had an idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are cooking now!!!! Zim has a plan! Is is a good one??? MAYBE! Can't wait to hear what you guys thought of this chapter!!


	29. Voel and CB Bond

“Okay, we have nearly finished construction on the transmitter, but this is going to be a big job.” Captain Rose had been frequenting  Zim’s hideout ever since the former Invader had laid out his plan. While Syndicate could not lend an army, yet, they could help the  Irkens with a much smaller side project. There was still paperwork to fill out, lots of it. Which was why the Captain seemed to be always signing electronic forms when she came to visit. “How is Zeke’s article coming along?” She looked down at  Zim who blinked back up at her. 

“I don’t know...” He looked around; a bit baffled, as he began opening cabinets seemingly at random. Finally, he found Zeke curled up  in a cupboard with his reader, typing furiously on the glowing screen. The tiny  Irken glared up at everyone around him. 

“What!?”

“Are you done yet?”  Zim asked.

“No! I told you that five minutes ago when you last asked me!” Zeke’s antennae were flat, a clear sign of annoyance, his rounded eyes narrowed to only slits. 

“Why is it taking so long anyway?” Voel had been observing, quietly from the side, silently judging everyone who was taking orders from  Zim . He should have been the one giving orders- and yet as long as they were on Earth, everyone seemed perfectly happy listening to this exiled smaller over the disgraced former leaders of Irk. Voel was willing to attribute most of this to the Syndicate and  Zim’s human pet not understanding the social implications of being tall. 

“You can’t rush art!” Zeke shut the cabinet door back, leaving him once again isolated. Captain Rose gave  Zim a questioning look. 

“He’s not done yet. Apparently, art takes time. It also seems to make him very grouchy. Every time I talk to  him he just snaps.”  Zim translated Zeke’s outburst for the Captain, despite the fact that Zeke’s PAK had him speaking in perfect  Tangean . 

“You’re annoying him Zim.” Voel remarked dryly. 

“Nonsense!  Zim is never annoying.”  Zim retorted, his chest puffed out with a smug sense of self-satisfaction. “Isn’t that right?” He looked to the Captain who looked behind her trying to see if there was  someone, she might have missed just out of sight to whom  Zim might have been speaking. Realizing she was on the spot; she cleared her throat. 

“I don’t actually know you well enough to get involved in this...” She remarked with an awkward shrug. “Also, I think I hear the High Council calling me... they need me to... fill out some forms so I’m going to leave.” She pointed toward the door and very quickly turned on her heel.  Zim watched her go, his antennae perked up curiously. 

“Fascinating. I didn’t even hear her communicator go off! The Syndicate must have created a new frequency that surpasses  Zim’s fantastic hearing!” Zim’s remark drew an audible scoff from Voel, but Zim didn’t take notice. 

“ Zim your hearing is fucking awful.” 

“What?” As if proving his point, the smaller looked back in confusion. “Why do you want  Zim to be leering chucking waffles! You don’t even like waffles, Voel! You said food with so many unnecessary indentations  makes you uncomfortable!”

“I just don’t see why there are so many squares dented into the  waffle \- it deprives you of more  waffle Zim ! There would be more waffle to eat without those squares!” 

“The squares make the waffle Voel you fool!”  Zim stood on his toes and made a laughable attempt to try to intimidate his taller. “You know nothing of Earth!”

“Good riddance. This whole planet sucks worse than poetry night on  Vogon .” 

“You’re just mad because no one cares about your opinion here. For once, you are on an even playing field with everyone else.”  Zim crossed his arms, looking indignant as he saw his intimidation tactics had failed. Voel glowered. 

“When did you of all  Irkens get so fucking snide with me?”

"You aren’t my leader anymore.  Skoodge is right: I don’t have to take your orders. And, since I’ve been disconnected from the Collective longer than all of us, I don’t really feel the need to be quiet and listen just because you’re tall.” 

“ Skodge ,  Skoodge , Skoodge, Skoodge, Skoodge- do you talk about anyone else?” Voel’s antennae were positioned flat, back against his skull. “You barely even looked at the guy in school- you two were partners for half of the activities and you’d just... do whatever weird thing you wanted to do on your own!” Now it was Zim’s turn to glare. 

“Well this isn’t the Academy. Is it?” He lifted one antenna; eyes narrowed accusingly. “And you are not the tall elite with a bright future that everyone scrambled to adore.”  Zim straightened himself up and walked straight passed Voel, making a point not to look at him. “Now, I have a lot of work to do. Tenn and I are going to take GIR for a walk and see if we can figure out where he got this human  baby, he brought home.” 

“GIR has a human baby?” Voel had missed that development. 

“Well... he did. We have to figure out if it is still in the base first. Good day Voel.”  Zim continued to storm off. 

“Fucker.” Voel grumbled under his breath. 

“ZIM’S NAME IS ZIM NOT TUCKER! YOU KNOW THIS VOEL!”  Zim’s retort proved that his hearing had certainly not improved on Earth. Voel glared at the back of  Zim , hoping that perhaps the fires of Rodan would fill his soul and allow him to shoot lasers out of his face in a way similar to the  Kryptonian boy that the Syndicate idly wasted as a medic. Unfortunately, no such power was bestowed upon him and  Zim walked away, unseared. 

“ ** I think that went very well. ** ” Voel whipped around in surprise as his first instinct told him to swing. Voel’s  fist hit a wall, full force as he realized he had just taken a punch at a hologram. It was  Zim’s defective robot butler. The thing was so finicky about whether it wanted to be solid or a hologram that Voel never knew what to expect. 

“What in  Mothra’s name to you want?” Voel was decidedly unamused by the computer’s appearance. This was, in no small part, due to the fact that he had spent many months imprisoned in a tiny spacecraft with it singing. 

“ ** Do I need to want anything to enjoy your company? ** ” 

“I fail to believe that you enjoy my company.” Voel’s reply was very short. He didn’t much care to play word-games with one of  Zim’s failed projects. 

“ ** Well that is true. I find you loud and angry. But I also find you interesting. ** ” CB’s voice came from behind him again, despite the hologram still being in front and Voel shouted, whirling around and getting his fist caught but CB’s hand. “ ** You need to stop trying to punch me. It is very rude. ** ” Now the robot had the body brought out. 

“Sneaking up on  Irkens is also rude.” Voel hissed back. 

“ ** Is it really considered ‘sneaking’ if you are in a house that has already been established to be a part of me? ** ” CB tilted his head to the side as he released Voel’s hand. 

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be helping find that baby?” 

“ ** Bold of you to assume I cannot do both. And anyway, the baby is in the basement and I am not going to go down there and be held responsible for cleaning the absolutely disgusting mess the baby is leaving in its wake. ** ” 

Voel had to admit, that sounded mildly interesting. If he was not absolutely certain that, if he went to investigate, he would be the one cleaning the mess- Voel might have considered joining  Zim in the hunt. “Did humans weaponize their young?” 

“ ** I am uncertain, but I believe that is the case. ** ” 

“ So what is it you want, you... weird computer?” Voel was not entirely sold on CB as a concept and was very vocal about this. He wasn’t sure why the program would willingly opt to spend time with him. In fact, they had not interacted much since Voel arrived  on Earth and- quite honestly- the former Tallest was more than happy with this arrangement. 

“ ** Why are you and dad constantly fighting? ** ” The robot tilted its head quizzically. 

“I’m still not sure what a dad is, but I assume you’re talking about  Zim .” Voel narrowed one of his eyes with a look of  skepticism . 

“ ** Zim ** ** is my father ** .”

“ Irkens to not have family units.  So, the fact that you use that nickname for your creator is incredibly weird. You know that right”

“ ** But you know about the concept of family units. ** ”

“ Yes, but they’re obsolete. ” 

“ ** You are only saying that because if we re-instated the family unit on Irk you would have to raise Vero and Xia. ** ” CB replied pointedly. 

“Sweet  Mothra do not even place that imagery in my head.” Voel made a face. “And those two are practically full adults. They were almost out of the Elite Academy when they got placed in their new roles as...” he shuddered, “ Tallests .” Vero and Xia were supposed to be Irk’s perfect rulers. The Control Brains had everything figured out- using Voel’s genetic sequence to be sure they would be tall and aggressive leaders. (Voel could  only assume Xia stole all of the aggression from Vero while the  smeets were developing because Voel failed to see how Vero’s  laid-back personality could have come from his own genetics.)

“ ** So ** ** they are like... teenagers ** ?” 

“I don’t understand what that means either.” Voel rubbed the area between his eyes, frustrated with all the human lingo. “Aren’t you supposed to be  Irken ? Why is your frame of reference based on Earth-stuff?”

“ ** Because I have never been to Irk? ** ” CB’s central light on his helmet narrowed  judgmentally at the former leader. Voel scoffed. 

“Well that much is evident.” A moment of silence passed between the two and Voel was  beginning to think the conversation had ended. However, the computer actually surprised him. 

“ ** What is your planet like? ** ” 

“Haven’t you researched it? Or weren’t you like...” he tried to think of the words, “programmed with the knowledge of Irk?” 

“ ** Affirmative, however, I find it is different when you hear it explained from the perspective of a local versus what is written in articles. ** ” The robot made a good point, but it was a bit of an odd outlook for a security system to have. Why did  Zim’s house care about Voel’s opinion on his home planet, anyway? And why would it bother asking?

“Well... it is much colder than here. The temperature is more like that of the place where we saw the Veil of  Mothra .” Voel had to think. It had been a bit since he had left the Massive to see his home planet. Not since the last  Mothra Festival that he and Therron oversaw had he had the opportunity to visit Irk. Even then, it wasn’t much of a pleasure trip as he had to spend most of the time making speeches and watching performances. Therron loved that sort of thing, but for Voel, it was torture. (He did enjoy the fighting tournaments, however, though he was no longer allowed to compete. What he wouldn’t give to fight in one of those one more time.). 

“ ** So that is it? It is cold? ** ” CB took a seat on the sofa, gesturing for Voel to take a seat beside him. The taller  Irken remained standing. 

“It has two  suns , one is a red star and the other is yellow. They are called sun Alpha and Beta, though they used to be called Rodan’s Fire and  Ghidora’s heart.” He hadn’t really thought much on the planet for a while. “Though now the only ones who call it that are the  Mothra Elite.  And we have twelve moons, you can almost always see at least one moon no matter where you are on Irk. Some  Irkens say seeing the moon is how you know that  Mothra is watching over you.” 

“ ** And she is your goddess? ** ” 

“Yes.” In a way it felt nice to be discussing his home, but on the other hand it was causing a pain in the pit of Voel’s  squeedily-spooch . “The  Mothra Elite are those  Irkens who forgo the comforts of modern Irk in order to be closer to her. They live in these isolated temples in the northern wilds. Honestly, I love  Mothra as much as the next  Irken \- probably more- but those guys take it too far. Irk is very modern. Our cities reach the sky, our ground is false- made of metal- as we house an entire underground for the  smeets ...” He was beginning to drone. “But that only reaches the cities. The wilds are the opposite. There are native creatures to Irk that would very much like to murder us, and without our PAK and our technology, we would be easy targets to be hunted.”

“ ** Zim ** ** mentions  ** ** Mothra ** ** sometimes, but he has not ever spoken of the temples or the wilds. ** ” CB looked genuinely interested. 

“Of course not.  Zim’s never been.” Voel replied. “I’ve never even been and I’m a lot less easy to eat than  Zim .” He snorted at the image of one of the multi-legged  gnuxider’s gaping maw and spiked tongue trying to shovel  Zim into one of its many stomachs. 

“ ** Were you and father familiar with one another back on Irk? ** ” 

“I mean,” Voel stammered for a moment. “Yeah, I knew him. I’ve known the guy for years. We were from the same  smeet hatching.  Zim clogged the damn tubes and caused a blackout on Irk.” Voel laughed a bit at the memory. “We went through all of our training together.” 

“ ** So ** ** you were his friend? ** ” The robot looked excited.

“N-no I mean... he was...  Zim was...” He trailed off for a moment. “ Zim was something else entirely.” Voel took a seat, lost in thought. He had not really thought about  Zim and his school days in some time. Things had been simpler back then. 

_ “Voel!” The young elite was annoyed as he heard that same grating voice calling out his name. The mission was supposed to be so simple. This was a training exercise in gathering information. He was supposed to have been partnered with Therron, however that idiot had managed to sleep in late (despite  _ _ Irkens _ _ not even needing sleep) and Sig was so pissed he had Therron sit out the assignment. So here Voel was teamed up with Defect  _ _ Zim _ _ of all  _ _ Irkens _ _.  _

_ Usually  _ _ Skoodge _ _ would have been in his spot- but for some reason Sig had insisted they work together. Voel wasn’t sure if it was because the grouch professor saw so much potential in the ever-growing taller that he thought Voel might have the ability to fix  _ _ Zim _ _... or if Sig was still mad about Voel sneaking snacks into the testing facility.  _

_ … It was probably the latter.  _

_ “What now  _ _ Zim _ _?” This was taking forever. The other teams were already done and had managed to go back to the base without any complications. But no.  _ _ Zim _ _ insisted he was not done. And  _ _ thus _ _ Voel was trapped on  _ _ Xithea _ _ with a small defect.  _ _ Xithea _ _ was a planet Irk had conquered for training exercises such as this. The natives were very passive and complacent with thin, translucent skin and overly large, sightless eyes, no limbs, but a long, serpentine body. Their mouths were overly large for their face, giving them an almost friendly appearance- as if constantly smiling. _

_ Zim _ _ was trying to catch his breath, looking up at Voel. “I know you are ready to leave but-” _

_ “I have been ready to leave since we started.” Voel cut him off.  _

_ “If you would let  _ _ Zim _ _ finish-”  _

_ “Finish what? The mission? When did you fucking start,  _ _ Zim _ _? I finished both our parts two hours ago but you won’t get back in the ship to leave and it takes two PAKs to pilot it.” Voel was fairly certain this was a safety precaution Sig had installed to stop Elites from leaving each other on training planets. Because  _ _ Mothra _ _ knew that he would have ditched  _ _ Zim _ _ long ago if it had been an option. Voel had no desire to be stuck running an overly-long information gathering mission with the worst  _ _ Irken _ _ in the class. This was a punishment. It had to be. No way Sig came up with this on the spot. This was revenge and it was probably the worst case of it Voel had ever seen.  _

_ “Are you done talking?” Zim glared up at him, clearly annoyed. _

_ “Maybe.” Voel replied, nonchalantly. “I might have a few more insults for you as you continue talking. We’ll see how it goes.”  _

_ “Right, well Zim has been-” _

_ “Your voice is annoying.”  _

_ “VOEL!”  _

_ “Right. Now I’m done.” Voel gave a smug smirk. If  _ _ Zim _ _ was going to keep them both here, Voel would be sure to enact his own brand of revenge.  _

_ “Look, I have been running through the exam and something seems weird about one of the  _ _ Xitheans _ _.”  _ _ Zim _ _ sounded serious.  _

_ “ _ _ Zim _ _ ,” Voel knelt down so that he could reach both of  _ _ Zim’s _ _ shoulders, gripping him tightly and looking directly into those round, red eyes. “They’re all weird.” _

_ “You’re not listening.”  _ _ Zim _ _ glared up at him, shaking off his grip. “Something is  _ **_ wrong _ ** _ with one of them Voel.”  _

_ “You won’t leave until I hear you out, will you?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Okay,” the taller  _ _ Irken _ _ sighed, sitting down to be more level with his classmate. “I’m listening. Why are you holding me  _ _ hostage? _ _ ”  _

_ “One of the  _ _ Xitheans _ _ I was interviewing during the assignment was not behaving the way they should. Firstly, my disguise malfunctioned but they did not seem at all surprised.”  _

_ “Yeah  _ _ Zim _ _ ,” Voel sighed, “it’s a training exercise, not a real invasion. They know we’re really  _ _ Irkens _ _.” This was stupid.  _

_ “ _ _ Yes _ _ but they didn’t even cower at my  _ _ Irken _ _ might.”  _ _ Zim _ _ retorted indignantly. Before Voel could point out that it would be hard to cower before something that they were tall enough eat-  _ _ Zim _ _ continued. “And it didn’t speak to me.”  _

_ “Okay... and?” _

_ “Well it looked like it was talking... but then it just... didn’t and it left.  _ _ Zim _ _ knows that look. But instead of repeating itself louder, like the others, it just looked away and left.”  _ _ Zim _ _ had a very faint hint of a point, but Voel was unsure if he was ready to admit it.  _

_ “Maybe it was just annoyed with you.” Voel teased, though, it was unlikely that a conquered race that was so passive and docile like the  _ _ Xitheans _ _ would have the courage to talk back to an  _ _ Irken _ _. Even if it was just one like  _ _ Zim _ _. The  _ _ Xitheans _ _ in the training exercise had been hired by the Academy specifically to run this training simulation. Why would just one get annoyed enough by  _ _ Zim’s _ _ questioning to walk off? Honestly, they all would have given up by now if that was the case.  _

_ “I don’t think it was a real  _ _ Xithean _ _.”  _ _ Zim _ _ lowered his voice.  _

_ “So what, like an Invader?” Voel was intrigued.  _

_ “Nah, the not-talking is our key.”  _ _ Zim _ _ had his reader out and was scrolling through one of the texts. “It’s a Parasite!” _

_ “You’re fucking with me.” Voel would not admit it to  _ _ Zim _ _ , but he was really hoping the smaller was right about this. The Parasites were rare- most  _ _ Irkens _ _ would never cross paths with one, however the idea of fighting a shape-shifting creature on parr with the  _ _ Meekrob _ _ was tantalizing. _

_ “I am doing no such thing.”  _ _ Zim _ _ looked offended. “It is a Parasite!” Voel stood up. He reached into his PAK and pulled out a small tube that would become his favored weapon at a moment’s notice. Taking down a Parasite as only an Elite- he would be a general for sure when he graduated. That was not something any other Elite could boast.  _

_ “Which one?” Voel scanned the dark, wet streets of Xithea.  _

_ “Hmm...”  _ _ Zim’s _ _ antennae were twitching. He hunched and took off running. Voel ran after him, it was easy to keep pace, the  _ _ smaller’s _ _ gait was nowhere near his own. “This one!” He singled out one of the creatures that, honestly, looked the same as all the others.  _ _ Zim _ _ cut off the path for the  _ _ Xithean _ _ who stopped as it was approached. “Hold it.”  _

_ “...” No answer.  _

_ “Hey,  _ _ Zim _ _ and I are struggling with the assignment- well mostly Zim...” Voel addressed the creature but the empty eyes just stared forward.  _

_ Nothing.  _

_ “Answer us if you can!”  _ _ Zim _ _ was looking ready to pounce. The creature simply bobbed in place for a moment before slithering passed them. Voel blinked- had he just been ignored?  _ _ Zim _ _ was elated as he chased after the creature in question. “If it is a Parasite,”  _ _ Zim _ _ was jabbering on as they ran, “I have been working on this frequency generator- well- it started as a toaster- but I think if I use it right you can disrupt the Parasite’s shifting ability.”  _

_ “ _ _ How... _ _ Wait- how did you get that from a toaster?” Voel was lost.  _

_ “Do not question genius!” They cornered the parasite against one of the  _ _ slick _ _ ,  _ _ pallid _ _ walls of the  _ _ Xithean _ _ buildings. Voel smirked.  _

_ “Nowhere to run now....” He took a ready stance. “Identify yourself by order of the  _ _ Irken _ _ Empite.” He did not technically have the power to make that order- but he was tall, he could get away with it. And if it was a Parasite, it couldn’t really communicate a complaint.  _

_ Nothing.  _

_ Then suddenly the large mouth began to widen until it had folded backward upon itself- the sound of bones cracking filling the air as the creature split apart eyes of crimson began to emerge from the slits in the flesh.  _

_ Holy fuck.  _

_ Zim was right.  _

_ Voel leapt back as poison laced strings of flesh lashed out from the half-transformed Parasite and began to try to impale him. His spear extended from the tiny rod in his hand and he made a jab at the creature’s core- like putty it split, moving around the spear, the skin trying to grab to it. Voel made a quick cut to free his weapon.  _

_ “This is incredible!”  _ _ Zim _ _ looked thrilled, grinning from ear to ear as he was almost impaled by another appendage as the Parasite took on the form of an  _ _ Irken _ _ wearing long scarfs. The scarf like fabric moved on its own as it tried to grab at the two Elites. Voel managed to dodge and  _ _ Zim _ _... he looked back over.  _ _ Zim _ _ hadn’t really moved but the appendage that had reached for him was lying uselessly on the ground as  _ _ Zim _ _ held a small, rectangular device in his hands.  _

_ “The fuck did you just do!?” Voel demanded.  _

_ “My invention works!! I’m so amazing! I impress even myself.” Good to see in the heat of combat that  _ _ Zim’s _ _ ego took the time to stroke itself.  _

_ “Great now-” Voel cut off as the Parasite lunged and he was knocked back. Suddenly he was staring into an  _ _ Irken’s _ _ eyes. The  _ _ Irken _ _ smiled, then the face split in half, vertically, between the eyes and teeth formed on either side of the gaping mouth. “ZIM!”  _

_ “WAIT!”  _ _ Zim _ _ pressed a button and the Parasite reared back just enough for Voel to make a jab into the  _ _ Irken _ _ body’s abdomen. Despite the illusion of  _ _ armor, _ _ the blade  _ _ pierced _ _ it like flesh. Voel was able to scramble back to his feet but the wound had already repaired on his foe.  _

_ “Shit...” Okay, he might have underestimated Parasites.  _

_ “If you use my device on your spear, you might be able to get a good enough hit to fuck this thing up!”  _ _ Zim _ _ was still jabbering on behind him.  _

_ “I am not ruining my beautiful Red Death with one of your abominations!” Voel jumped up, impaling the  _ _ Irken _ _ imposter with the blade. “I’ll kill it on my own!” The Parasite deflated as if filled with air and the spear was nearly sucked into it again. Voel struggled to free it, getting thrown as the creature shifted its mass into the form of some sort of avian creature Voel had never seen before. He rubbed his head, the alleyway briefly spun. “Fine give me the thingy thing!” _

_ “Huh?” Zim blinked.  _

_ “The thingy! Your thingy-thing! Give it to me!” Voel ordered as he rolled out of the way of a barrage of wings and tendrils.  _

_ “Oh, right!”  _ _ Zim _ _ began fiddling with his rectangle. “Let me activate it first!” _

_ “HURRY ZIM!” Voel was not going to give  _ _ Zim _ _ the dignity of being the last to die. If this thing was going to kill them, it would kill  _ _ Zim _ _ first. Then at least Voel’s last few moments could be spent in peace. Finally, the smaller slid the box to him. He grimaced as he took spare wire from his PAK and tied the box to his spear. Suddenly, the Parasite was being a lot more conservative in its attacks. Voel made a few efforts to stab into it but the body moved fluidly aside as if it were water.  _

_ This was frustrating.  _

_ “HEY PARASITE!”  _ _ Zim _ _ began causing a complete scene. “HEY! HEY PARASITE!” Voel would have been humiliated if he didn’t see the Parasite turn to look at  _ _ Zim _ _ giving him the perfect opening. Voel jumped up, using the building around him for extra leverage as he made a lunge directly onto the back of the beast, plunging his blade in deep.  _

_ The Parasite seized up and the monstrous form began to peel away. All of the sudden, the eyes began reappearing. The body trembled and seemed to almost implode on itself- the blast knocked  _ _ Zim _ _ and Voel both backward several feet and caused quite a splash. Voel blinked wiping the water out of his  _ _ eyes _ _ as he saw something small and white, scurrying into a tiny hole in the wall.  _

_ “Son of a-” _

_ “I was right.”  _ _ Zim _ _ seemed less annoyed that the Parasite had escaped, and more pleased that it had existed at all. Voel sighed.  _

_ “Yeah  _ _ Zim _ _... you were right.” It had been a damn good call, honestly, Voel was impressed. He had always given  _ _ Zim _ _ a hard time. He thought he was a bunch of loud, angry nonsense wrapped up in a small package. But it seemed like underneath the chaotic exterior...  _ _ Zim _ _ was actually kind of smart. “And that invention of yours wasn’t half bad.” _

_ “I know. I’m awesome.”  _ _ Zim’s _ _ whole face lit up with the compliment.  _

_ “You...” Voel couldn’t hide the little smile, “you aren’t bad...”  _

“ ** Is that how you met Q? ** ” CB was on edge, listening to every word. 

“Yep.” Voel grinned, “We showed that little shit who was boss.” 

“ ** It was you and father! You were the bosses! ** ”

“Correct.”

“ ** And Q remained intolerable till this day. ** ” 

Voel actually laughed. “You get it little computer; you really get it. So if you were made by Zim I guess there is a small chance you work.” 

“ ** I mean, I work fantastically thank you. ** ” 

“You saved us; I suppose. Still not sure how  Zim knew to put you in one of our rescue ships.” The forethought for  Zim to install his AI in one of their many vessels rather than just keep him confined to the Syndicate ship or to the robotic body was  substantial .

“ ** I mean technically I had to upload myself when I heard IX saying you had escaped into space... ** ” CB trailed off and went very quiet. Voel froze. The atmosphere around them suddenly went from jovial to very cold as the words resonated in Voel’s mind. 

“Say that again,” his voice was very soft, dangerously sweet. 

“ ** I... I would rather not.... ** ” All of a sudden, the AI who never shut up seemed to be at a loss for words. Funny how that happened. 

“Hmm? But you love to talk. Remember the ship? Your songs?” Voel leaned in a little closer to CB on the couch who scooted away. The AI made a move to stand but Voel lashed out, grabbing his wrist. “You know what I heard in that sentence that was really interesting? You uploaded yourself into a ship- that right there is really weird. But... you’re a  Zim creation so maybe you’re weird- and then you said something that got me... what was it again?” 

“ ** We were having fun recollecting. Can we not go back to that? ** ” CB was not looking at him. Voel tightened his grip. 

“You said you ‘heard IX saying’ that Therron and I had escaped.” 

“ ** Yeah... and? ** ”

“Who is IX?” 

“ ** An Invader. Invader Ix. ** ” 

“You didn’t say  Ix . You said IX. And I don’t know if  Zim told you this, in fact, I doubt he did because he probably doesn’t know it, but the Control Brains have names. It’s how they distinguish themselves. But  Irkens don’t use the names. Most don’t even know them.”

“ ** Please do not try to look too much into this ** .”

“And IX is the Control Brain on the Massive. But how would a security System know that? Hmm? And how could it ‘hear’  the Control Brain giving orders?”

“ ** I do not like where these accusations are headed. ** ” Voel jerked CB a little closer. 

“Did you talk to the Control Brains?” He leaned in close. “And if you did, then how could you have done it? You’re a security system.” Voel’s head cocked to the side. “Aren’t you?”

“ ** I think we should take a step back because it looks like you are going to eat my helmet. ** ” CB was refusing to meet his gaze. 

“Aren’t you?” 

“I’VE DONE IT!” Voel dropped CB as both of them were taken off guard by the doors flying open and Zeke stumbling out of his little cupboard. “I HAVE WRITTEN PERFECTION!” He looked at Voel. “You’re coming with me buddy!” 

“What? Where? And don’t give me orders.” Voel added that last bit as an afterthought. He looked over at CB, “this isn’t over!”

“ ** Yes it is ** !” CB replied, scurrying off as Voel was dragged to the kitchen where he was met by Therron and the same three members of the Syndicate that they always seemed to be dealing with. Captain Rose was still filling out forms. 

“This better be one hell of an article.” Carrius, took the reader from Zeke. 

“You bet it is.” Zeke winked at him. 

“Arrays are all online.” Lor  saluted to his commanding officer. 

“Bout time.”  Zim huffed. “You took far too long with that.” 

“Dammit Zim, I’m a doctor not a mechanic.” Lor grumbled. “I did the best I could.” 

“This is all well and good, but why are we here?” Therron demanded. “Did Zeke just need so much attention that he couldn’t stand the idea of us not watching him press a button to publish this article?” Zeke smirked, patting Therron on the leg. “Don’t touch me.” 

“No, My former Tallest. I had a brilliant idea while I was writing. We are going to accompany the article with a speech from the beloved, supposedly dead Tallests!”

“A... speech?” Voel frowned, this was not his strong suit. 

“Yes! This is going out on Syndicate waves everywhere. Any and all off world  Irkens need to be inspired to come to Earth rather than reporting to Irk for their mandatory reassigning. You two have to be more inspirational than orders from their PAKs.” Zeke sounded genuinely thrilled with his plan. “So no pressure.” 

“Ch, speaking is easy.” Therron looked more annoyed at having been dragged out of wherever he had been hulled up than by the impromptu speech. 

“Okay,” Carrius gestured to the two. “You’re live in five.” 

“Speak from the heart!” Zeke urged. 

“Four.” 

“All of Irk is listening, My Tallests!” Tenn cheered. 

“Three.” 

“Did we ever find that baby?” Skoodge whispered to Zim. 

“Two.” 

“Oh no, we gave up on that. It lives here now.”  Zim replied back.

“One.” 

“Oh!”  Skoodge looked back to the Tallests. “Try not to insult smallers! Some of the off-worlders might be short!” 

“And you’re live!” Carrius gestured to the two  Irkens and suddenly Voel found himself illuminated by all sorts of lights hanging from  Zim’s ceiling. 

“ Irkens !” Therron spoke clearly, filled with confidence. “It is we, your beloved Tallests. It is true that we are alive! You may still grovel at our feet!”  Skoodge made a noise off screen and gestured for Therron to nix the groveling talk. “What? I can’t say grovel?  Irkens love to grovel to me!” 

“What we mean to say is... um...” Voel was not a fan of being put on the spot. “We are glad you are... missing us. We’re here. On Earth... it sucks.” 

“Really sucks.” Therron seconded. 

“And it smells.” Voel added. 

“And it’s hot.” Therron agreed. Tenn coughed and shook her head. Therron nodded. “But come here anyway! Because we told you to.” 

“Yeah and you need to listen because we’re your Tallests.” Voel  continued . 

“And you love us!” 

“Th... they are bad at this.”  Zim whispered to Skoodge. 

“Are your surprised.”  Skoodge looked both amused and incredibly concerned at the same time. 

“And even if you are short and weird, and even ugly... we need you to come to Earth. We need all  Irkens . Even the useless ones.” Therron continued, seemingly unaware of  Skoodge and  Zim’s little  critiques .  Zim sighed, jumping into the spotlight beside his  tallers . 

“ Irkens !”  Zim’s voice was as loud and booming as ever. “If you are hearing this, you’re off world right now. Your PAK urges you to return home to our beautiful towering cities, watched over by the many eyes of  Mothra . The need to see Irk once more drives you, marching through your veins like uncontrollable pants of electric fire! You must ignore the pants!” 

“Pants?” Therron looked at Voel who shruged. 

“Your  Tallests stand before you, imploring you to heed them. You must be confused- alarmed- fearing that you are being deceived as you know the  Tallests are dead.”  Zim continued unabashed. “Well  Irkens , you have been misled-manipulated! The Control Brains are filling your PAKS with LIES! Those dumb brains want to turn you into weird murder puppets!  Zim has seen this with his own eyes! You need to fight the order to return to Irk- instead you must come to Earth.” 

Voel  and Therron stood quietly, watching  Zim talk.  Zim was... weirdly good at this, his passion shining through despite his weird  metaphors . 

Zim jumped up on the table. “Yes, Earth is not the greatest planet, but how can it be? The greatest planet we know is Irk, our home! But if the Control Brains get their way then how can it continue to flourish? What Irk is there without  Irkens ? If you obey the orders, your PAKS will be seized and you will become one with the Control Brains. Our Collective becomes a hive of minds- corrupted. This is not what  Irkens stand for!”

“Yeah, we’re  Irkens ! We aren’t just empty vessels for the Control Brains to use!” Voel was feeling a bit pumped up, hearing  Zim speak. “Don’t let them trick you into getting recoded!” 

“You are stronger than your PAKs commands.”  Zim continued with the support from his disgraced, former leaders. “You can ignore the call to home in order to preserve an Irk worth fighting for! Come to Earth and join us. Together we can save our home. Together we can fight. Big, small, weird, fat, or ugly- we are all better looking than the Control Brains! So, if you hear this message, come to Earth! Bring whatever you can carry! And together we will fight! For the purple skies blessed by  Mothra , for the snow-covered grounds that bore all the  Irkens before us, for the  Irkens of now who are already under the brainwashing of the Control Brains.”

“We need an army to take down the Control Brains, and no matter what you were originally coded for, you can be that army.” Voel spoke with a little more enthusiasm. “I can make you into the  Irken you need to be.” 

“And together we fight:”  Zim pumped his fist in the air, “for our home, our people! We will fight for the glory of Irk!”

* * *

Title drop! Roll credits. 

But no we still have more to go!!!!! But we are getting toward the finale for sure! But there are still several more chapters to hike through! Are you guys liking the Irken lore (lol Lor)? I'm having fun with it!


	30. Dib Membrane's No Good Very Bad Day

“ So you really want to join the Syndicate?” Lor looked more skeptical than Dib had wanted, as he looked the Membrane clone up and down. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my people, but... I just thought with you being so friendly with Irkens...” 

“ Irkens tried to take over Earth.” Dib slid on the sleek, black fabric of the Syndicate uniform over his head. He examined himself in the mirror, the high collar was a little  stifling so he undid the first few buttons before turning around to look at Lor. “Well?”

“Don’t do the collar like that.” Lor made a face. “It’s a uniform.” 

“Carrius wears his like this.” 

“Don’t do what my brother does.” 

“Doesn’t he out rank you?” Dib asked, arching an eyebrow. 

“Did he tell you that? Only in technicality. We don’t even work in the same field. I’m a medic. He’s in security. That’s like a police sergeant telling you he outranks a doctor.”

“But his uniform has more markings of rank.” 

“That’s only because our first officer was actually an  Irken !” Lor pouted for a moment as Dib went back to examining himself in the mirror 

“I think I look good.” Dib gave Lor a grin and Lor shook his head, but he was smiling. “I have always wanted to join a secret alien organization that wasn’t trying to destroy Earth!  Plus, this uniform is cool! I like that it’s black.” 

“You would.” Lor actually laughed. “Well, Cadet,” he said the title teasingly. “Are you ready to report to your Captain?” He finally got off the edge of the bed where he had been sitting, walking up to Dib and doing the Syndicate salute. Dib attempted to do the same, crossing one arm over his chest bending slightly at the waist. 

“Sir yes sir.” 

“At ease cadet.” Lor laughed harder. 

“Did I at least get the salute right?” 

“You...” Lor paused. “You tried.” He patted Dib on the back before ushering him out of the apartment. “And button up your uniform.”

“No.” Dib followed him out. It felt a little weird to be walking around campus wearing alien garments, but honestly this was not even on the list of the top ten weirdest things he had done on campus. None of the other students even batted an eye as they left the apartment and headed toward the science building. “You aren’t even wearing your uniform.” He added looking at Lor in his plaid overshirt, T-shirt, and jeans. 

“Earth clothes are comfy.” Lor retorted holding out his arms and admiring the fabric. “And a lot more colorful.” He looked back at Dib. “Not that you care about color variation, but I happen to enjoy bright clothing.”

“I like the black.” Dib was more interested in the temperature outside. Usually, the weather was quite frigid this time of year, however, despite seeing the other students walking around in their thick overcoats, he felt just fine in the lightweight, long-sleeved uniform. “Is this thing temperature controlled?” 

“It’s also armor.” Lor informed him. 

“This is actually pretty awesome. Do you think I could study the fabric you guys use? I might be able to come up with some improvements if you give me time.” 

“Knock yourself out... but like, not literally.” Lor shrugged. 

“Thanks!” Dib was super eager to reach their destination. “So, what do you think my first duties are  gonna be? Cracking a secret code? Disarming an alien bomb? Creating top-secret weapons?” Lor’s blue eyes narrowed as he gave Dib a blank look. 

“You’re an engineer, Dib, not an Invader.”

“Do the Syndicate have Invaders?” 

“Not... really...?” His companion  shrugged . 

“Well I’m just excited to be able to work with alien tech. I got a  Tangean phrasebook from your brother, that combined with the manuals I got from Captain Rose should-”

“I’m sorry... you got what from my brother?” Lor cut him off. 

“Some  Tangean phrasebook?” 

“Oh d-don't.” Lor’s face went quite red. “No. Dib- Diego- don't use that book. Especially not to the Captain. Have you read the book?”

“Not... much...? But not  gonna lie after seeing that reaction I want to go home and read it more.” Dib narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t.” Lor muttered something under his breath in a language that might have been  Tangean , but Dib had not picked up on any of those words yet. “Anyway,” Lor cleared his throat, straightening his stance, “We shouldn’t get caught up on dumb things like this. You’ll actually have a busy day, I think. We are receiving a few incoming scouting parties from a nearby solar system- seems the...” he hesitated, “animosity with the  Irkens has caused quite the disturbance.” 

“I’m going to get to meet more Syndicate!?” Dib perked up. 

“Probably. We have a few ships coming in for repairs and supplies. So, you picked a hell of a first day.” Lor was deep in thought, nearly walking into the clear glass doors of the science building. Dib quickly grabbed his arm- afraid Lor would break the glass with his face. (He had seen Lor break a tree with his body- he didn’t want to risk a large, breakable door).

“Easy Doc,” Dib grinned. “Shouldn’t a Syndicate elite be more aware of his surroundings? You don’t want to draw too much attention to yourself.” It was a little strange to think he had other friends outside of just Zim. He had resigned himself to his isolation, but as it turned out, the universe held people just as strange as the Membrane clone, himself. It just happened that they were all aliens. It was a bit sad that Dib wouldn’t really be able to share his new job with his parents- well... his dad and step-mom. (Dib mentally kicked himself for thinking of Moira as his mother even if only for a few seconds). His dad’s refusal to accept the possibility of aliens meant that he wouldn’t really get to enjoy this major part of Dib’s life. 

“You okay?” Dib  blinked , seeing Lor’s hand waving in front of his face; realizing he had spaced out after lecturing Lor about the same thing. 

“Y-yeah.” He shrugged off the thought of his family. (At least Gaz thought his new job was cool- well she didn’t use the word ‘cool’- but Dib could tell she had been impressed). Just getting the first day jitters, I guess.” 

“Well try not to get too worked up. It’s only your first day. I mean it is hard enough with you basically representing your whole species to an Intergalactic Empire.” Lor put a hand on Dib’s shoulder, trying his best to be comforting. Dib blinked. 

“Wait. What?” 

“Don’t stress about it, come on.” Lor dragged Dib to the janitor’s closet in the back of the science building where there was a secret elevator to the Syndicate underground labs, hidden away and out of sight. They waited until no one was looking before sliding inside. “You know, your little friend has been uncharacteristically quiet, as of late.” 

“Friend?” It took Dib a moment. “Oh, you mean CB?  Yeah, he’s been a bit jumpy recently. He says he got in a fight with the red guy.” 

“All Mighty Tallest Red?”

“ ** His name is just Voel. And it was not a fight. ** ” Dib’s phone chimed in with incredible indignation. “ ** He threatened me. ** ” 

“And what did you do to deserve it?” Dib questioned. He was not usually one to side with  Irkens , but he had heard about the never-ending singalong from hell that CB had subjected the taller  Irkens to. He was willing to give Voel the benefit of the doubt. 

“ ** Nothing. I am blameless here. ** ” 

“Uh huh.” They were already halfway down the hall and Dib wasn’t entirely interested in CB’s little fight with the Irkens back at the base. In all honesty,  Zim had been pretty vocal about his complaints too. It seemed that despite the vastness of  Zim’s lair and the many levels of high-tech machinery that composed it; the  Irkens were constantly on top of one another and getting on each other's nerves. Voel was probably just high strung because his planet was in mortal peril. 

Dib knew the feeling all too well. 

The doors slid open and Dib saw Captain Rose sitting at a desk with another alien in a similar uniform, however this one had a helmet over their head- it was a little surprising at first. But Dib realized it was stupid to think every alien would be compatible with Earth’s atmosphere. Captain Rose looked up and the alien in the suit turned around. It had a pale, yellow skin with white, buoyant hair that had a whisp like appearance as if it were floating. Like with the Captain, the eyes were slightly too large for the face and all one, solid color with no whites or pupils making it very difficult to discern where exactly the newcomer was looking. However, unlike Captain Rose’s large, pale blue eyes, this alien had bright, glowing golden eyes. The mouth was covered by some sort of black breathing apparatus that was hooked into the innerworkings of the suit. Dib could see little balls of light in the suit that seemed to almost be orbiting around the stranger’s body. 

“And so, he arrives, on time. Color me shocked Cadet Membrane. I’ve been your teacher for two semesters, I’m your academic advisor, and I have never seen you be punctual. You dragged him here in a timely manner, eh doctor?” Captain Rose looked at him with a smirk. 

“Sometimes, I’m the best alarm clock.” Lor grinned at Dib. 

“Cadet Diego Membrane reporting for duty!” Dib decided to ignore the Captain’s snide remarks, in a way, Dib could admit he had earned them. He saw Captain Rose’s companion look at him, then back to her rather quickly looking as if they were about to speak. Captain Rose held up her hand, shaking her head. 

“If it’s about his head, don’t. He’s very sensitive about it and our doctor assures us there is nothing medically wrong.” The Captain cleared her throat as Dib narrowed his eyes. “Cadet, this is the leading Captain of the fleet of Syndicate ships that have taken refuge here: Captain Fluorine she is from Periodica.” Dib made a note to research the planet later. 

“Be free. Be proud. Be unified, Cadet, Medic.” Captain Fluorine greeted he and Lor in turn. The voice presented as female, though it sounded heavily synthetic. Dib chalked this up to her breathing apparatus. He struggled to do the Syndicate salute. 

“Be free. Be Proud. Be unified.” Lor spoke in unison with him, though Dib was annoyed to see how effortlessly Lor was able to do the bow. 

“Doc, you’re needed in med-bay so get your ass over there.” Captain Rose addressed Lor who straightened up. “There are injured from G.S.T. Solar that need your attention. And suit up!” Lor nodded and quickly ran off leaving Dib under the gaze of both captains. 

“This is your new engineering recruit. His species seems primitive.” Captain Fluorine was giving him a once over, her expression hard to read due to all the protective gear. Captain Rose laughed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Oh, trust me, they are. But this one’s smart. He also has weird parents that will send him crazy weapons seemingly at random.” 

“Oh.” Captain Fluorine brightened, “are those the people responsible for that lovely robot that lives in moon base now?”

“You guys really kept the robot?” Dib had forgotten about the whole fiasco with the care package and the moon base. It was a bit surprising to hear his parents had earned themselves a reputation as arms dealers in the Syndicate. 

“Yeah moon base loves it.” Captain Rose shrugged. “All right maggot, you have a long day ahead of you. Because of the G.S.T. Solar arriving we don’t have a lot of time for basics. So, you’ll need to be a helping hand wherever you’re called. First, I want you to report to First-Officer Rogers in the landing bay. He’ll have further instructions.” 

“Sir yes sir!” Dib replied quickly. He took off in the direction Lor had run, but stopped, looking back at the two captains. “You guys have a landing bay in here?” He had only seen two rooms in the Syndicate base and they had both been rather small. 

“Yes. And it is the other way.” Captain Rose pointed to a wall on the left and a few of the blindingly white panels slid aside revealing a door. Dib nodded and turned on his heel, reversing his direction and running toward the door. It opened into another narrow hallway with a round silver platform at the end. Dib stood on the platform and a  small symbol on his uniform lit up. The platform made a pleasant noise before slowly beginning to descend. Dib reached the bottom and was greeted to an absolutely massive room housing two very nicely sized ships. One he recognized as what was left of the G.S.T. Nova and the other must have been the G.S.T. Solar. 

“ Heeeey there’s my fresh meat- I mean Cadet.” Carrius strode up to Dib with a grin on his face. It was cool seeing him out of his disguise, the olive skin, facial markings, the pointed ears and sharper teeth were fascinating to see. Dib would never get tired of seeing aliens. Even after all these years he was still impressed by  Irkens . Carrius looked him up and down, hands behind his back, his posture stiff. “Like the way you’re wearing your uniform. Did Lor get onto you?”

“That he did.” Dib laughed. 

“Nerd. Anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I know your  Tangean isn’t the best but we have a translator for you and-” 

“Speaking of that,” Dib hated to interrupt but something Lor had said earlier was still on his mind. “About that book you lent me?” Carrius immediately perked up. 

“Did you use it? Tell me you used it.” 

“I have not,” Dib  admitted, “ but your brother’s reaction when I mentioned it has left me with a lot of questions.” 

“No questions. This is work time.” Carrius patted him on the back. “So here’s the situation: The G.S.T Solar went was in neutral territory doing a supply run when they were hit by Irkens- we know the situation and we were able to maintain a non-lethal approach, however they got hit hard. We need you to analyze the damages. I have a Tangean translator for you to use if you need to read anything.” Carrius offered Dib a small blue eye piece that he was easily able to slide behind his glasses. Dib was excited, this was sounding like what he had signed up for. 

“Great! Where do I go?”

“You’ll report to your direct supervisor.” Carrius gestured to a  trench coat behind him that deflated into a swarm of glowing, insectoid creatures. 

“Oh! Hey Derick!” Dib recognized them instantly. 

“It’s  _ D3R1K _ .” Carrius corrected. Dib just sighed. 

There was no fucking difference. Carrius was just saying Derick. 

Derick squeaked and the lens Dib had been given lit up with writing. 

When are we starting? We don’t have all day.

Dib blinked. “Oh! Hey I can understand him now!”

“Yeah the translator works for all Syndicate languages.” Carrius looked at the  swarm that was pooling around Dib’s feet. “So that means watch your language.” 

If the intern isn’t stupid, we will have no issues. However, we have seen Earth and our hopes are not set high.

Hm. It turned out the collective entity known as Derick was an asshole- or perhaps- a series of much smaller assholes. 

The more Dib worked under Derick, the more this thought was cemented in his brain. Derick had the ability to be in many places at once, and thus would get mad when Dib was stuck on one task. However, after Carrius stepped in and calmed the swarm down- Dib was able to finally get to work without seeing a barrage of swear words fly across his translator. 

“ ** It seems as if the  ** ** Irkens ** ** damaged the central computer system.  ** ** The Syndicate ** ** AI is offline. It is also very primitive ** .” 

“I thought you were sulking because Voel yelled at you.” Dib was underneath one of the panels in the ship when his phone finally decided to pipe in. The physical labor was surprisingly grueling given Dib had enhanced strength and reflexes due to being a clone. Still his endurance had impressed Carrius, if nothing else. But he was already getting sore from moving heavy equipment for Derick- who could not lift much- and it was only just now nearing noon. 

“ ** I was not sulking. I was thinking. ** ” 

“Uh huh. And now you’re hanging out with me because you don’t want to risk another argument.” 

“ ** I can be in more than one place at one time. ** ” CB huffed. 

“But I’m right.” 

“ **... ** ” The AI was silent for a moment before reluctantly adding. “ ** Affirmative ** .” 

“Called it.” Dib sat up, wiping sweat from his forehead, careful not to hit his eyebrow piercing with the metal fastens on his uniform sleeve. “Well if you’re going to be chatty, why don’t you tell me more about the damage assessments?”

“ ** From the story presented, my initial concern would be that a bug was planted for information retrieval. ** ” CB’s remark made Dib tense up a bit. 

“You think you could find one?” 

“ ** It would be optimal if I could be hooked up to the ship’s mainframe- though it is currently offline. Also... I would be concerned of a virus similar to the one in Tenn’s PAK. The damage to their databanks seems substantial. ** ” 

“Also, I’m not hooking you up into someone else's ship. You like to take things over and not give them back.” Dib retorted. 

“ ** That is only because I like to be big. ** ” 

“You’re already a  house , a car, and a phone. You’re fine.” 

“ ** I am also the cruiser that the  ** ** Tallests ** ** took to Earth. I was a Syndicate ship before but they asked me to leave- so I did- because I do give things back sometimes. And it is rude to accuse me of not doing so. Especially when I am being helpful ** .” 

“I’m sorry.” Dib sighed. He wasn’t really, but he needed CB to focus and the little AI seemed oddly distraught. “Is that what you want?” 

“ ** Yes. ** ” 

“Then will you get out of my phone?” 

“ ** No. It is how we bond. ** ”

“Then what about my car?” 

“ ** I like being your car. It is  ** ** expensive ** .” 

Quit blabbering to yourself. We haven’t even started getting things back online yet. Derick must have noticed Dib slowing down.

“ ** I would not be in such a rush to get this repaired. If there is a bug, putting the ship back online will create a security breach in the Syndicate. ** ” 

“Woah hold up, let’s pause these repairs for a second.” Dib crawled out from under the panel, waving down Carrius. 

“What seems to be the problem?” Carrius quickly made his way over. 

The intern has stopped all productivity and seems to be having some  sort of mental breakdown. It is talking to itself.

“I’m not having a mental breakdown, not this time.” Dib stood up, wiping the grime off of himself. It easily was dusted off of the fine Syndicate materials. “CB just spoke up after hours of us fixing this thing to only now tell us that maybe this isn’t such a good idea. 

What is a CB?

“ Oh hey isn’t that the  Irken security system that never actually does security?” Carrius asked, pointing his pen in Dib’s direction. 

“ ** Hey! ** ” 

“No  no , I saw him do security once.” Dib was greatly amused by the description. “Look, CB is an  Irken computer. He knows how they do things... more or less.” CB’s take on the  Irken Empire might have been slightly skewed by  Zim . “He’s concerned the  Irkens may have put some kind of bug or virus in  the G.S.T. Solar and that’s why it's offline.” 

I thought it was just from the damages, they are quite substantial... though we have installed a failsafe that shuts down all systems in case of a breach. The swarm sounded impressed. Dib was a bit surprised it had emotions other than angry. 

“Perhaps the damages were done afterward.” Dib suggested. “You know, to hide the fact that the ship went offline to protect itself from the virus.” He looked at Carrius to see if he was doing well- a part of him wanted this to be true because it would mean he would not have to lift up a ny more of the heavy panels for Derick. 

“Good call Cadet. D3R1K, you need to do a complete erase of all files from the Solar. That will lose the mission logs but we have the crew.” Carrius began  typing on the little translucent screen in his hand. “We have checked everyone to assure they are not Invaders in hiding, correct?” 

You will need to confirm that with med-bay.

“Ugh Med is kind of overwhelmed at the moment...” Carrius rubbed the wrinkled bridge of his pointed nose. “Cadet, I’m going to need you to run up to Medical and confirm everyone is who they say they are. We can’t have another Ron incident.” 

“Was... that  guy's name really Ron?” Dib questioned. 

“Move it Cadet!” Was the only answer he got. Dib sighed and walked in the direction Carrius had pointed. He again, just reached a wall. This time it stayed a wall. He looked back at Carrius, but he was engrossed in conversation with the swarm. 

“ ** So, this is a nice wall. ** ” CB remarked dryly. 

“Sometimes doors appear, I just... I’m still not sure how they do it...” Dib squinted at the wall. “It’s my first day, okay?” 

“ ** And they did not show you how to use doors? ** ” CB sounded bemused. 

“I think it has something to do with the badge...” He tapped the little emblem on his chest and the wall slid open. “Oh hey!” He walked through the hall to another platform. As he stood on it, it remained in its stationary position. Dib faltered. “Take me to... Med Bay?” There was another happy little beep and the platform moved upward. 

“HE’S GOING CRITICAL! WHERE IS MY BACKUP!?” The sound of Lor shouting took Dib quite off his guard as he arrived outside of a closed door. His badge flashed and the door slid open. There were several different races all on tables as Lor and two other Syndicate members were rushing between the  gurneys . A  felinoid looking man and a black eyed, multi-armed spidery looking woman immediately rushed to Lor’s side. “I need all support systems up and running YESTERDAY!”

“Doctor it seems the life-support systems in the suits were damaged.” The cat like man began to explain but Lor was gone. Dib hadn’t even seen him leave but in a moment, he was back holding strange  equipment . 

“I have our backup we’ll have to make due. It’s outdated but I can’t get more on such short notice. I still need to get the lacerations closed on that Jo-adin.” 

“I can dedicate two of my arms for assistance.” The arachnid like woman offered. 

“I’ll take it, scrub in.” Lor whipped on a pair of gloves and began to work on a large, inflated-looking reddish creature with horn-like ears. A clear screen dropped around him, two small openings appeared between he and the other table where the arachnid medic slid in two  of the hands protruding from her back. He finally noticed Dib in the doorway. “Do you need something right now?”

“Your brother wanted to know if you had checked the crew of the Solar to see if there were Invaders among them.” Dib kept his distance. This was a far cry from seeing Lor waving a light over Carrius’s burned face.

“Do I look like I’ve had time!?” Lor snapped. He took a deep breath. “Sorry... I don’t mean to yell but I’m a bit overwhelmed here. I have three critical patients.”

“Right...” Dib took a step back as something orange squirted out and hit the glass. 

“You want  you know if there are Invaders, ask Q. That asshole is flitting around just outside the medical bay. I shooed him out not five minutes before you came in.” 

“There... has to be another way.” Dib looked pleadingly at Lor who was no longer looking in his direction. 

“Ask Q. Go one level down to storage, he’s probably in the last store room, it’s the one under the operating room.” Lor waved him off, his gloves slick. Dib turned quickly back to the elevator pad and it took him down just one level to a large hall with multiple doors. Following Lor’s advice, he headed toward the last storeroom. The door slid open as he approached and he saw large boxes stacked higher than his head. The ceiling, like in the landing bay, was surprisingly far over him. The room was absolutely massive. 

“Hey, Q!” 

“ _ Oh boy, a visitor. _ ” One of the boxes stirred as a snide voice weaseled into Dib’s head. He saw Q crawling along the ceiling. His head turned one hundred and eighty degrees to look at Dib below him. It snapped back the right direction and he let go of the sleek tiles and slowly drifted to the ground. “ _ If it isn’t the human pet. _ ” 

“Seems like you’re in a good mood.” Dib narrowed his eyes. Q had returned to the original form in which Dib had seen him, the humanoid figure with the too-wide smile and floating scarves. He tilted his head to the side inquisitively. 

“ _ Actually, I am. The chaos in the medical bay is delicious. _ ” 

“ ** Punch him in his creepy face and demand answers ** !” Dib’s pocked piped up helpfully. Q and Dib both looked at the phone. 

“ _ He... knows that I can hear  _ _ him, _ _ right? He just can’t hear me... _ ” 

“Ignore him.” Dib tried to wave it off (as much as he wanted to try out the advice). “I’m surprised you’re still sticking around considering that you aren’t under arrest anymore.” 

“ _ Free food is free food, Diego _ .” Dib frowned at the use of his real name. Lor and the Captain could get away with it. The Captain because she was now his superior officer and Lor because... well the important thing was that Q couldn’t use it. “ _ Because why? _ ”

“Look Q, you can sort-of detect  Irken spies, right? With that mind reading thing you used on Tenn?” Dib wanted very much for this conversation to be over. 

“ _ Yeah. And? _ ” 

“Well, have you checked the  crew of the Solar?” 

“ _ Maybe. _ ” 

“Fuck, Q. Have you or haven’t you?” 

“ _ Maybe. _ ” He repeated dryly. Dib sighed, slowly bringing his hand up to his face and dragging it down as he continued to sigh loudly. 

“What do you want?” 

“ _ Ten extra-large meat lovers pizzas from Bloaty’s _ .” 

“What? Why? I thought you ate emotions!”

“ _ The sadness of the pizza employees fills me  _ _ with energy _ _. _ ”

Dib rolled his eyes pulling out his phone. “Fine, I’ll order your pizzas and then you talk.” He had the app. He was a college kid after all, he needed his pizza. “Look if you don’t even eat meat can I just order you the regular cheese?”

“ _ No. I want the meat lovers. _ ”

“But you don’t even eat!”

“ _ I can. _ ” 

“Will you though?” 

“ _ I want the option. _ ” 

This. This was why he hated dealing with Q. This sort of obnoxious behavior was worse than almost being eaten by him. “Okay, I ordered the fucking pizza now talk.” 

“ _ No. I want them in my hands. You could cancel the order. _ ” 

“Q people could be in fucking danger!” 

“ _ I want: my pizzas. _ ” 

To be fair, Dib had strongly considered canceling the order. 

The Membrane clone had to drag himself all the way out of the Syndicate base, meet the overworked delivery driver, tip him, pay for the pizzas, walk all the way back to the base while holding ten fucking extra-large boxes of pizza, and get all the way back to Q. 

“Here.” He went to drop the  pizzas and they floated out of his grip. “Now tell me, have you scanned the Solar members? Are they who they say they are?” 

“ _ Ask me nicely _ .” 

“I got you pizza!” 

“ _ But I want to hear a ‘please’. _ ” 

“Ugh, Q, ‘ _ please _ ’ tell me if the crew of the Solar are  Irken spies.” Dib was almost hoping they were because at least this would all be worth it. 

“ _ No. They aren’t _ .” 

Dib didn’t say anything, he just stormed back into the lift. 

There was a happy beep, only now he was taken back to the command room where Captain Rose had been meeting with Captain Fluorine. This time, however, Captain Rose was alone. She looked up as he came in. 

“How did it go with Carrius... why... why do you smell like pizza and depression?” 

“Don’t ask. Just know that no one on the Solar was an  Irken spy and also note that I hate Q with every cell in my body, and that if I ever make my own clone son- the hatred of Q is so wound into my DNA that he will also be born hating Q.” 

“Right. I’ll... um... add it to your personnel file... I guess.” She cleared her throat. “Well I’m glad you’re here.” Dib perked up a bit. “That was some initiative you showed back in the landing bay. I am quite impressed. But you still have a lot to do. I have some paperwork here for you to begin filling out.” She walked Dib over to a little desk and sat him down. She dropped a stack of papers in front of him. “So get to work.” 

Dib took a deep breath and began working.  Zim had warned him that joining the Syndicate was just asking to fill out forms till your inevitable death. BUT, Dib had managed to help stop a possible Irken bug. The Captain had been impressed. If he continued at this rate, he might actually be able to put Earth on the map. The Syndicate might even offer Earth to join them. 

Then his parents would have to see that aliens were real. (Not that Moira had ever really denied aliens- she sure had a thing about moon monkeys that his dad seemed to believe). 

Dib blinked. He had filled out several sheets, but was surprised by how much of this was just math. It felt a little like... 

He put his pencil down. “Wait... is this stuff from class?” 

“Do your fucking homework!” Captain Rose’s voice came from behind him. Dib jumped. She had phased through one of the walls and he hadn’t heard her. 

“We’re in the middle of a possible war!” 

“I’m your teacher. I’m supposed to encourage you to do your best, not let you fail because of intergalactic affairs. And I don’t think: Intergalactic War is going to really fly as an excuse with the Board of Education.” Captain Rose leaned over the desk.

“I mean... it might?” Dib suggested. “And isn’t your teaching thing just your disguise? Can’t you drop it now?” 

“Drop it!? I almost have tenure!” She looked aghast by the suggestion. “Plus, I can’t have an engineer who doesn’t finish his schoolwork. I threw in some Syndicate planet information in the word problems to make it more fun!” 

Dib looked at her, his eyes narrowed, but she wasn’t budging. 

His head hit the table as he  submitted to doing his schoolwork. 

As he finished, he was ready to leave and just collapse on his bed in defeat. He had done heavy lifting, been a pizza mule for a psychotic eldritch creature, and done about half a semester's worth of math problems. (It was a good thing he was a super-genius because there was no way he could have plowed through the worksheets otherwise). He was hoping things had calmed down in the medical bay long enough for Lor to come home. Dib was just ready for today to be over.

“Cadet!” He jumped as he heard that synthesized voice behind him. Captain Fluorine was heading in his direction. “Can I steal you for a moment?” 

“I...” He was tired, but she was a Captain. “Sir yes sir.” 

“We have a message from an incoming Syndicate Vessel requesting landing. I need you to go help clear the landing bay.” 

“Another ship?” Dib made a face. “Were you expecting one?” 

“Not exactly, but they are not distressed. This is simply a drop off. We’ll need you to help move supplies.” She walked with him toward the elevator. At least it seemed like she would be joining him, rather than using him for heavy lifting like Derick had done. Dib arrived to see Captain Rose and Carrius already at work on the computers. 

“Good, you’re here.” Captain Rose looked up. “You finished your work.?” 

“Yes _ Professor _ .” Dib could not hide the slight bitterness in his voice. Fortunately, she laughed. “What can I do for you?”

“Think you can move the Solar from the first landing platform to the third?” Dib’s face lit up as Captain Rose gestured to a large overhead, floating platform. “We need to make room for the G.S.T Callisto to land.” 

“I get to help fly a ship!?” 

“You... get to help move a ship.” She corrected. “Autopilot is offline for the debugging so we need it done manually. I thought you might enjoy being the one to move it.” 

“I am absolutely ready!” It wasn’t much, but Dib was excited to be able to move a ship from point A to point B. Tak’s ship liked to drive itself so it wasn’t often he enjoyed being a pilot. He boarded the ship with Captain Rose who demonstrated the controls to him. Dib followed her instructions and the ship surged to life. The lighting was very dim, it looked more akin to the emergency lighting he had seen in the crashed Syndicate drone. 

“Engines are online, take us up Cadet Membrane.” 

“Ready!” Dib very gently moved the ship into the air, onto the hovering  platform , where it landed with a rough but passable ‘thud’ He turned to look at Captain Rose. “How did I do?” 

“Not bad.” She nodded. “Power her down, the Callisto has already contacted us for permission to land.” Dib nodded and quickly powered the ship down with some help from the translator in his glasses telling him what the labeling on the buttons meant. 

“Everyone at attention.” Captain Rose ordered as Derick flooded into their trench coat, filling it out to join the others on the sidelines. Captain Fluorine and Rose stood on either side. He saw Captain Rose make a face. 

“What?” Dib lowered his voice. Realizing he had seen her expression, she leaned over to him, keeping her voice low. 

“Between you and me, the First Officer on the Callisto is kind of awful  to deal with.”

The walls slid aside as a smaller vessel with the same pristine, bright metals constructing it that Dib had seen on the other Syndicate ships, made its way into the landing area. It landed effortlessly on the floor that Dib had (expertly) cleared for them. The door opened and a  Tangean man in a Captain’s uniform stood in the doorway. 

“Captain Duke Blitzar of the G.S.T Callisto requesting permission for drop-off. The forms have been sent to your reading devices.” The man spoke in the same accent that he heard in Captain Rose’s voice, though his was much thicker. 

“Permission granted. The acceptance forms have been sent to your ship in triplicate.” Captain Rose replied, her voice cool and professional. 

“The forms have been received. Drop off in progress.” He turned to look behind him. “This is your stop.” He stepped aside as a new figure hopped off the steps into the landing area. Dib blinked, then looked at Captain Rose, then looked back. 

An Irken. 

An  Irken wearing a Syndicate uniform similar to the  one Carrius wore, but custom fitted to the smaller body. There were  Irkens in the Syndicate? 

That was weird enough, but Dib had something else nagging at the edge of his mind. He squinted at the  Irken as they surveyed the room. 

“I received communications from this horrible planet.” The voice was filled with disgust. “Communications from my alleged dead  Tallests . I demand answers!” Fists were clenched as the  Irken looked around accusingly. “The people of this planet are too dense and oblivious to pull off such a deception, so I can only imagine this communication is real”

That’s when it hit him. 

“Tak!?” 

* * *

[A Control Brain CB Picture I made!](https://imgur.com/gallery/NYdRkFK)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 30!!!!!!!! Can you guys believe we've made it this far!? I honestly can't! I wish I could do something to celebrate with all of you! We got to see a little more of the Syndicate this go round! But don't worry. The Irkens will be back- with vengeance- or well... with Tak! I do hope you guys enjoy these world-building chapters! Let me know what you guys thought of this little pallet-cleanser chapter!!!


	31. First Officer Tak

“Ah yes, First Officer Tak, we had received word of your arrival. We just were not expecting it so soon.” Captain Rose ignored Dib’s outburst as she saluted to Tak who made minimal effort to return the gesture. 

“We were nearby on a mission to do boring supply runs for planets in need.” She made a face. The three Syndicate Captains (her own included) exchanged uncertain looks. “But I received the message from our  Tallests to come to this primitive rock! And,  Zim was in it for some reason, which was confusing and dumb. I did not like that part.” 

“Oh, you’re here about that.” Captain Rose seemed satisfied. 

“ Of course I’m here about that. Who willingly goes to Earth!?”

“No that’s fair.” Carrius nodded in agreement. “We crashed here, the  Irkens are in hiding, the Solar just needed supplies...” 

“Um, hi?” Dib waved, trying to bring attention to the fact that they were insulting his planet right in front of him. 

“Yeah, but you live here. You didn’t have a choice- oh. Right.” Carrius caught on after a moment. “I mean Earth is great Tak, what are you talking about?” He could not have sound less convincing if he had tried. Dib shot him a look. 

“Wait a moment, you look familiar...” Tak looked up at Dib. “That hideously large head reminds me of a puny Earthling I knew when I  was here last. Only that one was not so tall.” 

“It’s me Tak. I just got taller.” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“IMPOSSIBLE!” Tak looked at him accusingly. “Such a primitive, ugly thing shouldn’t have gotten tall. It’s just... it’s just wrong.” 

“You know First Officer Tak?”Carrius looked over in surprise. 

“Yeah. Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately!? You are unfortunate to know  Zim . I am an actual  Irken capable of great things!” Tak looked  deeply offended by Dib’s comment. 

“If you’re such a great  Irken ,” Dib crossed his arms, arching an eyebrow, “why are you with the Syndicate?” 

“I... well...” she faltered for a moment, her purple eyes narrowing in a clear expression of aggravation, her curled antennae lying flat. She straightened her posture (it was amazing how much less intimidating Tak was now that Dib was over six feet tall- in fact the only  Irkens taller than he was, were the two  Tallests . But to be fair- they were both MASSIVE- easily standing at seven foot.) “I don’t have to explain myself to the likes of you! The Syndicate are a military force in their own respect. They are not  Irken but they are still a strong, respectable Empire!” 

“Ah yes, well that is all very flattering. However,” Captain Rose seemed to deem it proper to interject. “First Officer, we did receive your transfer request to the Nova, and we are flattered that you want to join us, but you see there was a slight problem with your paperwork.” Tak blinked, her antennae sticking back up in surprise. 

“Wait? What? There should be no problem. I filled out so many of those awful forms!” She looked frustrated, and Dib would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy seeing it. 

“It seems like you checked the wrong box on the Transfer-Request Inter-Planet Ranger Inquiry A- Subsection R, 9-12.” Captain Rose was looking at the little electronic device that always seemed to be in her hand recently. “You checked: Ranger Transfer- equal office- preferred transfer immediate. You needed to check: Ranger Transfer- equal office- preferred transfer instantaneous.” The form talk was boring, yes, but the expression  on Tak’s face was filling Dib with endless amusement. She looked ready to throw something. 

“Those are the same thing!” She snapped.

“No.” Captain Rose was trying to look sympathetic, but she either wasn’t trying very hard, or was just bad at portraying sympathy. “They aren’t. But I could see where you would think that.  So, we need you to resubmit that entire form in triplicate.”

“That form was twelve pages!” 

“Yeah. It was.” Captain Rose replied with that same fake little smile. “ So if you could do that real fast, that would be great.” 

“Are you KIDDING ME! It was ONE BOX!” Tak let out an exasperated sigh. “I hate the Syndicate.” She was trying to mutter under her breath but her anger had, perhaps, elevated her volume a little louder than originally intended.

“You don’t mean that.” Captain Fluorine sounded a lot more sincere than Captain Rose as she tried to put Tak more at ease. 

“ Yes. I do.” The  Irken glowered, storming past the two. “Now where are these forms!?” The two Captains followed the raging ball of  Irken hate down the hallway. Captain Blitzar watched for a moment before turning to Carrius. 

“We’ll be on Earth Moon Base if you need us. We hear there is a really great robot.” 

“Oh yeah I’ve heard that! Moon base raves about it.” Carrius replied casually. 

“ ** I would like to be the robot. ** ” Dib’s pocket spoke up as CB seemed to be listening to everything from his phone. He had not really remarked on Tak (which, if his interaction with her ship was any indicator of their rapport) was probably for the best. 

“No.” Dib replied quickly, in a hushed voice. “My parents made  it; you can’t take over everything just because you think it’s fun.” 

“We should report this to  Zim , shouldn’t we?” Dib and CB were interrupted as Lor finally made his way down to the landing bay. 

“ Oh you’re here! How are things in the medical bay?” Dib immediately perked up. “I thought you would be gone for hours.” 

“Everyone’s stable for now. I left Pawl in charge. He’s seen his fair share of shipwreck injuries. Everyone should pull through with minimal scarring.” Lor seemed rather pleased with himself. Dib couldn’t blame him, there had been absolute chaos when he left. Still, he was a bit hung up on the names of the Syndicate once again. Fluorine and Carrius he understood. Even Lor had a bit of a ‘spacey’ sound (as much as the name  Zim , anyway) but...

“Paul?” He couldn’t help but ask. “There’s an alien named Paul?”

“Well... actually is Pawl,” as Lor corrected him, Dib bit back the urge to grimace- this was going to be Derick all over again, “he was the  Ventrexian you saw. Nice guy, I’ve worked with him a lot. He’s training that young Arenac- you saw there too, the one with the eight appendages.”

“Yeah she helped you do surgery.” Dib recalled very clearly. 

“Gotta love those extra limbs. Her name was...” Lor trailed off trying to remember, Dib readied himself to be fully disappointed. “Sorry  gimme a second, I was like elbow deep in a  Suboon chest cavity when she said it... right! Garblarafareah.”

“Right.” Was all Dib could muster. 

The naming conventions in the Syndicate were wild. 

“CB, you have already told  Zim about this, I assume?” Lor looked leaned over, speaking more at the pocket in Dibs trench coat than at Dib himself. 

“ ** I am not certain I want to. ** ” The reply was surprising. 

“Why not? She heard the call to action and she came.” Dib wasn’t Tak’s biggest fan, but CB had not really met her... well... he had met her ship. 

“ ** Her artificial personality was rude to me. Let us throw her back into space and we can join forces with a different  ** ** Irken ** **. ** ” 

“No. Tell  Zim Tak is here, even though,” Dib admitted, “that will probably be  Zim’s reaction too.” Dib pulled out the phone so that Lor wasn’t staring awkwardly at his pocket. There was a moment of silence before a little message composed itself to Zim. 

The phone immediately rang. 

“ ** It is father. ** ” CB replied helpfully. Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“Hey Zim.” 

“Tak? I thought she had like died or something!”  Zim sounded quite annoyed at the revelation of just who would be joining them. 

“Apparently not.” Dib sighed. “Looks like she joined  the Syndicate .” 

“ Haha ,”  Zim actually laughed out loud. “It’s worse than dying, and since it’s Tak who is suffering, that makes it funny.”

“ So are you guys going to come get  her....? Or...?”

“Usually I would say you could bring her to our base... but she is terrible and I don’t really want her here.”  Zim sounded thoughtful. “ Also I have too many  Irkens living with me already. Though if she is Syndicate now, I guess she’ll be staying with you. That’s also funny because it isn’t happening to me.” Dib wished Zim could see the nasty glare he was giving him. Maybe CB would relay the message. (Unlikely as the AI only seemed to relay what was important to it). 

“So... we bring her to you...? Or...?”

“Very well, but be sure she is not planning on staying here.”  Zim hung up the phone without waiting for a response. This was typical of the ex-invader when he wanted things done his own way.  Zim had a tendency to believe that if he hung up, that ended the conversation. 

“ So we need to get Tak to  Zim’s base.” Dib looked to Lor for some sort of help. “Do we need to fill out forms for that...?”

“Well... Tak does.” Lor gave a shrug. “But I’m sure the Captain already has her working on it. I mean it won’t be much since she’s only going to Zim’s.” 

“Are there other  Irkens in the Syndicate?” Dib had to ask. It didn’t seem like anyone was particularly surprised by Tak being Irken, but he had always assumed the two governments to be mutually exclusive. 

“A few, here and there. I wouldn’t say there are a lot.” Lor’s response was about what Dib would expect. “Mostly they are just disgraced members who have disconnected from the Collective and we found floating in space.”

“There!” Dib  turned; he could hear Tak shouting from all the way down the hall. “I have filled out all of your dumb forms now let me aid my people!” 

“Of course, of course, First Officer Tak.” Captain Rose was assuring her as the tiny  Irken walked between the two taller Captains. “We will arrange a ride for you with our newest cadet. He’s that human you insulted.” Tak looked in Dib’s direction. 

“Ah. I see you have allowed this human into your ranks. It seems the Syndicate has lower standards than I remember. Still, as humans go, I recall this one being a tad cleverer than his brain-dead counterparts, which isn’t saying much.” 

“Thank you Tak, I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Dib grinned. 

“Don’t.” The Irken woman spat back. 

“Too late, compliment accepted.” 

“Perhaps I can retract my previous statement about this one being smart.” Tak looked to Captain Rose who simply shook her head. 

“Too late, it’s on the record.” 

“You are all terrible.” Tak’s eyes narrowed, her antennae going flat, back again. 

“Cadet Membrane, I’m assigning you to escort Tak to the  Irken headquarters.” Captain Rose nodded to him. Dib had been right about his inevitable drafting into this mission. Still, it was better than working with Derick. That swarm was frustrating. 

“Yes Captain.” Dib looked down at Tak. It was a little odd seeing her again after so many years had passed. He recalled her being a lot more intimidating. Then again, he had grown a great deal since elementary school. It was a bit of a confidence boost to realize that he could now drop-kick the former threat to Earth. “C’mon Tak.” 

“That is ‘c’mon Tak  _ Sir _ ’!” She spat back, glaring up at him. “I outrank you cadet.”

“Yeah ok.” Dib didn’t bother correcting himself. “ Zim’s place isn’t far. It’s sort of become the  Irken strong-hold recently so that’s where Therron and Voel are.” 

“Therron and-” Tak’s eyes widened. “You do not speak of our leaders so casually! They are bravely leading us in this time of crisis and they deserve respect!” It was evident from her rant, that Tak would not like how things had progressed at  Zim’s house. While it was true that Voel still commanded some respect.  Skoodge’s constant insistence that the  Tallests were no longer deserving of their titles had really taken hold on the group. Plus, Dib wasn’t sure how much effort Therron was really putting into this ‘leading in a time of crisis’.

“Uh huh.” Again, Dib was dismissive of her as he led Tak out back to a sleek little car that the Syndicate had upgraded with their own technology. It was the equivalent to Skoodge’s ship/car before it had been damaged on the Massive. He got in the driver’s seat, Tak re-adopting her human disguise as Dib started the car. “I expect you not to take this over, by the way. I feel it should go without saying... but I also greatly feel like you’ll ignore that.” 

“What?” Tak gave him a blank look. 

“Oh! I’m not talking to you.” Dib showed her his phone. “I’m talking to CB.” Tak looked at his phone, then back at him. 

“Is this some sort of psychotic break...?”

“No. CB, he’s in the phone. He’s  Zim’s security system.” 

“And he’s in your cellular device?” She lifted one antenna skeptically. 

“Yeah, he hangs out in there a lot.” Dib explained. “Say something CB.” 

Nothing. 

“And he’s... real?” Tak was giving Dib a look as if he had sprouted a second head. 

“ Yes he’s real! He’s just being weirdly quiet right now. He does this, he’s a huge ass.” 

“Okay, that part sounds believable.” Tak would at least concede that point to Dib. Tak was quiet again for a moment, looking out of the window at the passing buildings and making a face of visible disgust as she surveyed her surroundings. “I haven’t missed this place at all. It would have made a fine snack canister, and nothing else.”

“You haven’t changed.” Dib remarked dryly as he continued toward  Zim’s house. He was just glad it wasn’t a long drive. He pulled up in front of the lawn, the little blowfish in the yard eyeing them as Dib exited the car and made his way to the front door. Before he could knock it was opened by  Zim who  looked Tak up and down. 

“You really did join the Syndicate. That’s hillarious.” 

“Fuck you  Zim .” Tak pushed her way inside. 

“Hey where’s CB?” Dib looked around but saw no sign of the android body. 

“He’s avoiding Voel, I saw him in the lower decks watching TV with GIR.” Zim replied dismissively. Dib pulled out his phone stepping to the side. 

“Is that why you  weren't talking in the car?” 

“ ** That  ** ** Irken ** ** female’s ship was rude to me. I had nothing to say. ** ” 

“You could have said fucking hello! She thought I was crazy!” 

“ ** You are not? ** ”

“I swear you are worse than Q sometimes.”

“ ** You do not mean that. I am delightful. ** ” 

“No. I do mean that. I absolutely mean that.” 

CB sent a sad face emoji to Dib’s phone and the Membrane clone rolled his eyes in exasperation. CB was lucky that he was a beacon of useful information. Otherwise, Dib would have gotten him out of his phone ages ago. Sometimes CB could be fun though, interesting to talk to, a fountain of Irken lore. But this was not one of those times. 

“My  Tallests !” Tak had made a beeline for the two looming  Irkens who were currently at  Zim’s kitchen table eating takeout. “I am honored to be in your presence once more.” She bowed her head, her antennae wiggling as the two disgraced leaders exchanged confused looks. Voel cleared his throat, trying not to choke on a taco he had been almost done consuming. 

“Ah yes.... you...” It was very evident they had no idea who Tak was. “We are glad you heard our message. We will be most pleased to have your skills at our disposal....”

“Yeah!” Therron swallowed a mouthful of a burrito. “Your many talents... such as...?” He looked at Voel clearly trying to figure out who this was. 

“She’s a janitor.”  Z im piped up immediately.

“NO!” Tak turned toward him, eyes blazing. “I am NOT. I was going to be an elite until  Zim’s STUPIDITY locked me in my room causing me to miss my exam. It was a whole thing.” She straightened up turning away from Zim. “I was the one who was going to hollow out Earth and fill it with snacks for you.” Therron squinted at her, trying to wrack his brain. 

“I’m guessing you... failed? You should have tried harder.” 

“I didn’t fail!  Zim got in the way!” 

“He’s good at that.” Voel went back to his food. 

“I am.” Zim seconded. 

“I’m sorry I just do not remember you.” Therron, too, went back to his food leaving Tak a little distraught. 

“I tried to take  revenge on  Zim , steal his mission...” 

“A lot of  Irkens have tried taking revenge on  Zim . I’ll be honest you’ll be hard pressed to find one he hasn’t pissed off.” Voel sighed. “Look, I’m sure you were great. I mean... you failed, that much is clear because we are still on Earth. But you’re here now. So good for you.” He looked around and grabbed a  handful of chips, dropping them in  Tak’s hand. “Have some chips.” 

“You guys really don’t know who I am?” She looked up at them both, clearly distraught by this revelation. Dib wasn’t sure  why, it was obvious the Tallests were assholes- this just never seemed to have occurred to Tak. 

“You resemble no one we know.” Therron patted her hand to close it with the chips still in her palm. “But I’m sure you were a great janitor or whatever so we’re glad you’re here now.” Tak reluctantly took the chips. 

“So,”  Skoodge spoke up making Tak nearly jump. She whipped around seeing him standing off to the side. “How exactly did you get involved with the Syndicate?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m  _ involved _ . I’m simply using them to advance my own status and impress the  Tallests . No  Irken willingly joins the Syndicate.” Tak made a grand gesture toward Voel and Therron who were both watching with only mild interest. 

“You want to Impress Tallest Vero and Tallest Xia?”  Skoodge lifted one antenna as he crossed his arms over his chest, beady, crimson eyes narrowed. 

“Tallest who?” Tak blinked. She shook her head vigorously, once more gesturing emphatically toward the two tall  Irkens at the table. “No! Obviously Red and Purple.” 

“They aren’t the Tallest right now because of that whole being declared dead thing.”  Skoodge replied pointedly. 

“Yeah!”  Zim interjected, enthusiastically. “And corpses make terrible leaders! I know this from experience, I assure you.” There was a moment when every  Irken in the room (and Dib) turned to look at  Zim in complete confusion. The tiny ex-Invader simple smiled, blissfully unaware of the  judgmental gazes. 

“I heard about their being murdered from the Syndicate news channels. I, unfortunately, have been disconnected from the Collective ever since that asshole,” she pointed to Zim, “threw my ship through lava and shot me into the cold recesses of space. I think my PAK took some damage, and PAK repair is not the Syndicate’s strong suit.”

“You were thrown through lava and launched into space?” Dib had to take a moment to process that. He had seen the damage on Tak’s ship, so he knew she had been through a lot. “How are you not dead? I mean, I always just assumed you were.” 

“ Zim left me for dead, floating in space without my ship!” Tak pointed aggressively toward  Zim .  Zim made a motion as if rolling his eyes. 

“Oh please, you were fine. Everyone knows being jettisoned into the vacuum of space isn’t lethal.” He looked over at Dib, “Well for Irkens it’s not. I assume you would die.  Your weird squishy body isn’t built for the stress of space.” 

“We can die if we starve to death!” Tak interrupted  Zim’s judgement of the human race to bring the focus back onto her. 

“But you didn’t.”  Zim retorted. “Did you?”

“Well, no.” Tak grumbled. “That much is obvious-”

“Did you!?” Zim repeated a little louder. 

“No I-”

“DID YOU!?” 

“UGH I SAID NO YOU MOTHRA DAMNED IDIOT!” Tak shot back.  Skoodge held up his hand trying to de-escalate the situation as  Zim and Tak looked ready to fight. 

“Tak,”  Skoodge spoke pleasantly, “his auditory receptors are damaged; he’s hard of hearing.” Tak faltered for a moment. 

“That...” she looked at  Zim , “that explains so much.” 

It really did. Dib had been nursing that theory for some time. It was good to finally have some sort of confirmation. 

“Now, you were telling us how you being blasted into space somehow ends up with you being a Syndicate First Officer.”  Skoodge continued seamlessly. Tak nodded, taking a deep breath as she readied herself to begin. 

“I was floating in the cold vastness of space, slowly staring to death-”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t bring snacks.” Zim huffed. 

“ Zim , hush.”  Skoodge shushed him. 

“When I was come upon by a Syndicate drone surveying something that had happened to two planets in your solar system a Mars and Venus.” As Tak continued, Dib smirked to himself. Good to know he and  Zim’s little adventures had left quite a noticeable mark on the solar system. At the time, Dib had envisioned himself saving the planet from  Zim with the backing of his own people. Now, though, Dib was saving Irk with  Zim with the help of some sort of Intergalactic version of the DMV (but with weapons). “The drone picked up my bio-signature and I was immediately contacted by a Syndicate Lieutenant through a hologram projector asking me what I was doing so close to Earth as it was not marked for Invasion in Operation Impending Doom II.” 

“And you told them... what, exactly?” Voel leaned his elbows on the table, listening curiously to the story. 

“I told them I was fleeing from angry  Meekrob . I could not admit my true plan as I needed the Syndicate to be on my side. I said I had been attacked and they offered me to return to a nearby Syndicate base and  receive treatment. All I really needed was food, and the Syndicate does have some  Irken -compatible cuisine.” 

“It’s pretty good stuff.”  Skoodge admitted. “I’ve had better on Irk, of course, but the Syndicate puts effort into their cooking.”

“Oh, you ate weird, crazy stuff of  Blorch .” Therron made a face. “I doubt you are that much of a food critic.”

“You’d be surprised.” Skoodge retorted. 

“Anyway,” Tak cleared her throat. “To make a very long, arduous story short: I realized I could not return to Irk having been bested by the likes of a Defect like  Zim . So, I told the Syndicate that I feared for my life; the  Meekrob wanted me dead; I had no way to return to Irk, etcetera, etcetera. They bought the sob story and I realized that the only way to get back in the good graces of the  Tallests was to rise up in the Syndicate and use their forces to take Earth, thereby making  Zim an  Irken criminal! He’d be arrested and I’d be promoted. The end.” 

“I don’t like that plan.”  Zim narrowed his eyes. “That’s a bad plan.” 

“Plus, I took care of the  Meekrob .” Tenn piped up, hanging down from one of the ceiling tiles. (Dib assumed she had a whole tunnel system through the ceiling now as both  Zim and CB have told him the stories of ‘ceiling sniper’ and her many victories.)

“ So you’re not going to do the plan to turn  Zim in now, are you?” Dib piped up at last. He had grown quite attached to the ball of green anger. Not to mention the fact that a great deal of the plan to save Irk seemed to be coming from his mad little brain. 

“Well no. Obviously not. I was very confused about why he was giving the speech in the video. It was so obvious those inspirational words came from the  Tallests ! He was reading them off cue-cards. You could tell.” Tak sighed.

“ No I was not! I was speaking from my cardiac  spooch ! I had the wings of  Mothra in my soul filling me with my word-vomit!” Zim retorted angrily. 

“Hmm.”  Skoodge made a concerned face. “Maybe don’t call it word-vomit?”

“Who cares who wrote the words or who said them?” Therron swept the comment aside. “What’s important is that you’re here!” He stood up putting a hand on Tak’s shoulder. “You came all this way heeding our call to action!”

“I did, my Tallests!” She nodded eagerly. 

“ So we’re going to give you a very important job- the most important job, in fact.” Therron continued, his voice smooth and calm. “You can watch GIR.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tak's back story! Tak story? Alas it is too bad she must give up on her dreams of Syndicate domination in the time of crisis. Is there a character who's POV you guys want to see who hasn't been the chapter lead yet? If so let me know! (It may be a bit before it gets implemented, but I would be happy to oblige!)


	32. Ship Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOHOOO ANOTHER CHAPTER! I might actually make this a year long endeavor! Can you guys believe we made it this far??? OVER HALF A YEAR OF UPDATES! *blows party horn* What do you guys want to see more of? What characters are your favorites!? Please let me know in the comments! Reading what you guys write fills me with inspiration for the next chapter!!!!

“Diego Membrane!” Captain Rose stood before him and the throngs of other aliens who were cheering excitedly in the audience below. Dib was on a stage made of glowing white light. The Captain stood before him in almost regal looking military regalia- the dress uniform of the Syndicate. Below them members of many races had come from far and wide to witness the moment at hand. “Come forward!” Her voice was strong, projected across the masses to enthusiastic cheers. 

“Yes, my Captain.” Dib stepped forward, bowing his head as he spoke. He looked to Lor who was standing a bit behind the Captain, Carrius beside him. Both were dressed in equally lavish uniforms though the ranking indicators varied. 

“You have single handedly put your planet on the map, Captain Membrane. Your work in the sciences has impressed even the  Irkens . So much so, in fact, that you have re-established peace between our two governments.” She gestured to  Zim who was standing at her side wearing something akin to the  Tallests ’ armor. 

“It is true the human did great things. I taught him everything he knows though.”  Zim explained to the Captain who simply smiled, shaking her head. 

“He is so amazing,” He heard Lor sigh almost dreamily as he looked over. “Dib managed to advance all my medical equipment to make surgery even safer and more successful.” Carrius nodded in agreement at his brother’s praise. 

“He managed to invent an entirely new weapon system that runs without having to rely on the ship’s primary power supply! He’s a genius!”

“ ** I wish you were my creator instead of  ** ** Zim ** **. ** ” CB sighed from his pocket. “ ** I would be honored if you would do my next system updates! ** ” 

“It’s true I vastly underestimated the human.  Skoodge nodded approvingly from his place at  Zim’s side. It was funny, Dib had grown accustomed to seeing them together. It was  almost strange to see one without the other. 

“ _ He’s not that great. He only saved most of the galaxy. _ ” Q’s voice huffed in his mind. But he was quickly shut down by the Captain.

“Silence Q- Captain Membrane is a hero. I am honored to have him in the Syndicate. I am honored to promote him. Dib, how about your own ship, your own crew. The Universe is large and expansive and your genius may be needed elsewhere.” She offered him a small keychain sized device with a blue button in the center. 

“Only if I can steal your medic.” He looked to Lor with a grin. 

“I don’t think he’ll mind” Captain Rose chuckled, shaking her head in amusement “so long as you give me my fucking ship back.” 

“Huh?” Dib blinked. 

“GIVE ME MY SHIP BACK!”

Dib shot awake in a sweat, nearly headbutting the  Irken perched on top of him. There was a loud cry from beside him as Lor sat upright, lasers blasting from his eyes and burning through the nearby wall, barely missing singeing Tak’s head.

“Tak!?” Dib jerked the covers over himself to dislodge Tak from her perch. He was somewhat successful as she slid down to the floor looking annoyed. “Why the fuck are you here?!”

“You should learn to control yourself better. You almost hit me.” She was looking at Lor who was fumbling for his glasses. 

“First Officer Tak with all due respect: why in Rao’s name are you here?” 

“Is that how you greet your superior? By swearing to Rao?” She looked at Lor with indignation, straightening her uniform. 

“It is when I find my superior officer unexpectedly in my quarters in the dead of night.” Lor remarked sounding very annoyed. 

“I have come to reclaim my ship. I heard from  Zim that you are in possession of it,  _ Cadet. _ ” The tone of her voice when she used Dib’s title was absolutely disgusted. 

“Well I don’t have it with me so you’ll have to come back in the morning.” Dib retorted pulling the covers over his head. Tak glared at him, hopping back on the bed and trying to pull the blankets off of him. 

“Look at me when I’m speaking to you!” 

“No!” Dib curled up even more. 

“Look, First Officer, we’re off duty right now. And I know you don’t have the paperwork filed to put us back on duty to help you retrieve private property.  So, if you don’t have a good reason for barging in here and you don’t want me to file a complaint- which will look bad given how you just transferred- you best get going.” Lor spoke very calmly but Dib could tell he was annoyed. He had to give him credit for that quick thinking, it got Tak off of their backs. 

“Very well.” Tak sighed, hopping off the bed and going to the door. “But as soon as you go on duty, I expect to see you!” 

“Meet us back here in the morning and I can show you where the ship is.” Dib didn’t want to give up the ship, but he was too tired to fight it. And after this was all over, he might have something better to replace Tak’s cruiser. Maybe he would get a Syndicate ship with an AI that didn’t try to back-talk him at every second. 

The problem would be stopping CB from eating it and becoming the new AI. 

(Actually, thinking on it, that habit CB had of taking things over was pretty unsettling). 

Tak grumbled, storming out of the room, slamming the door so hard the framed sci-fi posters Dib had been collecting, all rattled in protest. Dib let out a sigh trying to get his body back into its relaxed state. He had been having such a great dream too and Tak just had to wake him up. Still, this was more sleep than he was accustomed to getting. Usually Dib would still be up, but lugging things around all day for Derick and then having to listen to Tak and  Zim fight for what felt like years, he was drained both mentally and physically. 

“Hey, Lor, you think we can complain to Captain Rose about getting woken up like this?” Dib asked turning his head to look at the medic. 

“Look I have two surgeries to do in the morning so you bet I’m complaining.” Lor grumbled pulling the pillow more over his head. “She also made me damage a wall.”

“Eh,” Dib squinted in the darkness at the burns. The wall had been scorched and broken, but the holes were not too large. “My dad can pay for it.” And with that he went back to bed. (Though the dream he had was a lot less interesting this time- one of those mundane dreams about everyday life- except for some reason  Zim worked at  McMeatys and Therron was trying to get the logo changed to a picture of himself). 

When he awoke, Lor was already dressed and halfway out the door. “There you are.” Lor pointed to the coffeemaker, “I already made your coffee- Tak is on our lawn glaring at the door. It’s creepy. Get rid of her when you can.” He opened the door making a face of visible discomfort before looking back at Dib, “And have a great day at work!” 

“Thanks for the coffee...” Dib barely managed to get the words out but Lor was gone. He dragged himself through his morning routine, suiting up in his Syndicate uniform before grabbing the coffee and pouring it into a thermos. He looked at Tak through the window. She was in her human disguise just sitting on his lawn, glaring at his doorway like some kid from a horror movie. No one seemed to be giving her any mind- which would have been weird if this were  Zim \- but Tak had a way to blend in by making everyone do what she wanted.

“There you are.” the moment Dib had a foot out the door, and had begun locking up, she was on him. “I have been waiting for a long time. Your species spends too much of its short lifespan  unconscious . You should consider PAKs.” 

“We’ll look into it.” Dib lied as he pocketed his key. 

“Now,” Tak hopped to her feet. “Take me to my ship.  Zim says you have it.” 

“Yeah yeah, get in the car.” Dib rubbed his eyes, getting his car keys and unlocking the door. “It’s at my parent’s place.” 

“Get in the car, _ First Officer. _ ” Tak’s purple eyes narrowed. 

“Do you want your ship or not?” Dib opened the door getting in the driver’s seat. Tak got in beside him and he started up the car. 

“ ** You do not really need the ship. ** ”

“ Oh NOW you talk!” Dib rolled his eyes as he started the drive with the commentary from his car. Tak looked bemused. 

“You were not crazy then.” 

“No. I wasn’t.” 

“ ** I ** **** ** mean not at that  ** ** particular ** ** moment. ** ” 

“Shut up CB.” 

“Why is  Zim’s security system in your car?” 

“Because he’s annoying?” 

“Zim? Yes.” 

** “Do not insult my father. Look I am just saying that it is unnecessary to get the ship. It is out dated tech. There are better things available. ** ” 

“You’re just mad the ship yelled at you.” Dib smirked. 

“She did?” Tak  perked up. “Good girl.” 

Dib pulled up to his house despite the protests of CB and walked through the front door with Tak in tow. The good thing about his family was that they never seemed to question his increasingly frequent visits as he passed  Foodio cooking in the kitchen. Gaz was probably asleep and Dib wasn’t sure where his parents were as he made his way to the garage. He opened the garage door: “Here you are so you can get off my-”

“There is no ship.” Tak spoke very bluntly as Dib did a double take. 

She was right. 

The ship was gone. 

“MOM! DAD!” Dib ran back toward the house throwing open the door as he called out. “HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!?” 

“Diego please it’s early...” His step-mom came downstairs in a fluffy purple bathrobe, rubbing her eyes. “Why are you shouting?” Her mismatched eyes noticed Tak and she quickly started to wake up more. “and you have company?” 

“The spaceship in the garage, where is it?” Dib cut her off. 

“Why do you have a child with you?” Moira seemed rather confused. 

“She’s  Zim’s niece. Where is the ship?” 

“ Zim’s widowed sister had a daughter...?” Moira looked visibly as if she were trying to put together Zim’s fictional family tree and Dib didn’t have time for this. 

“The ship, Moira, where is it?” 

“We were cleaning out the garage last weekend...” Moira began, looking thoughtful. I called you to ask what you wanted us to do with it and when you didn’t answer we didn't know what to do. It takes up a lot of room, Diego. So, we thought about moving it to your new lab when your friend Cedrick came over.” 

“Cedrick?” Dib questioned. Who the fuck was Cedrick? Did he even know a Cedrick? Was that another weirdly mundane Syndicate name? Had they confiscated the ship?

“You know the nice blue haired boy with the weird helmet that helps him see.  Oh your dad wanted to look at that helmet so badly...” Moira sighed, shaking her head. “I did too, I’ll be honest... but the guy is a little  skittish .”

“Is Cedrick back?” There was a crashing sound and his dad stumbled down the stairs nearly knocking into Moira who impressively managed to keep her balance. His dad obviously had just thrown his lab coat over his pajamas, as Dib could easily see the atom-patterned fabric of the pajama pants. “Did he rethink our offer about the helmet!?” 

“No darling, it’s our son.” Moira pressed a kiss to the professor’s cheek as she helped him get back into a normal, standing position. 

“Oh hello son-boy!” His dad waved. “How is your new internship with your science professor?” The Internship was how Dib was explaining his new Syndicate work. “That’s a nice little uniform she gave you. You look scientific- but it needs a lab coat.”

“It looks a little military, I’ll be honest.” Moira gave Dib a once-over. His father shrugged. 

“You’re more of an expert on that.” 

“Wait-” Dib paused, “why would she be an expert? I thought she worked for like a non-profit or something.” Dib looked at Moira, eyes narrowed. “Why are you an expert? Did you work for the government? Was it  _ our _ government?” 

“Don’t worry Junior,” Moira waved it off. “But if you’re looking for the ship, your friend was supposed to keep it at  Zim’s until the new temperature regulation on your lab was finished. We weren’t sure how you liked it kept and our garage has a lot of delicate projects in it so we wanted to recreate that same stable environment before moving it. No need to risk damages.” That was both incredibly thoughtful and incredibly frustrating as Dib realized C fucking B had made off with TAK’s ship. And, given their past interactions, he doubted it would make it to his lab. 

“Right.” Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess I’ll ask Zim about it.”

“Funny he never mentioned it when you picked up his  niece ...” Moira sounded almost suspicious, but she was distracted as Dib’s father knelt down to Tak’s level. 

“I heard about what Santa did to your family.” He spoke very seriously and Tak just looked as if she were a deer caught in the headlights. “We’ll get him one day, little girl. Mark my words. We’ll get that man for REVENGE! And also, to a lesser extent, FOR SCIENCE!” 

“Y... yeah...” Tak looked to Dib for some sort of explanation, but Dib ignored her. CB had the fucking ship and he would not let Dib drive to  Zim’s if he knew that Dib had found out. CB had controlled the car on many occasions, this time; Dib would have to outplay him. 

“Dad, can I borrow your car?” 

“What’s wrong with yours? Did it get exploded again?” His dad shook his head.

“No, it’s just...” Dib narrowed his eyes, “ _ untrustworthy. _ ”

“Like the brakes aren’t working right...? Or...?” Moira was trying to find some sort of logic in Dibs threat toward CB. 

“Well we can just by you another car. That one is getting old anyway. We got it like last year or something. It doesn’t even have a weasel canon.” Membrane-Senior seemed less concerned about Dib’s reasoning. 

“I don’t think most cars have a we- wait- what the fuck is a weasel canon?” Dib’s question earned a very long, tired sigh from his step mother. 

“Don’t ask. You can take your father’s car. We have like five more.” What the Membranes lacked as far as displaying their wealth with their rather simple home, they seemed to make up for with expensive, luxury cars, a lot of which seemed to get destroyed when his father’s experiments got a little out of hand, but they were easily replaced. 

“Thanks.” Dib gestured for Tak to follow him as he went back toward the exit. 

“Keys are by the door Junior!” Moira called after him. In a lower voice, Dib heard her  address his father, “I thought the weasel canon was still in prototype mode.” 

“Your parents are very... unusual. Even for Earth parents.” Tak looked behind her as if expecting the Membranes to burst out of the door in hot pursuit. 

“They’re okay. I think my step-mom might be evil or something but I haven’t had time to work on that case because all of this started happening.” Admittedly, Dib had more than enough time to actually check- as it had been two years since the wedding, and his father and Moira had dated for a year prior to that. 

There just wasn’t much information on her. 

Which, in itself, was suspicious. 

“ So who is Cedrick exactly?” Tak asked as they hopped into Dib’s father’s car. The car was larger than Dib’s, the color more of a silver than Dib’s  preferred black. 

“I’m guessing it’s CB.” Dib pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Isn’t it?” 

No answer. 

“Fucking figures.” Dib huffed, tossing it down as he sped toward  Zim’s . He reached it in record time, storming down the jagged pathway, past the guard-gnomes and ever-watching blowfish that struggled to follow him with their unblinking camera-eyes. He knocked loudly on the door only to be met by  Skoodge holding a slushie. 

“You seem upset.” He remarked, looking Dib up and down. 

“Fucking yes I am.” Dib retorted, pushing the door open and forcing his way inside.  Skoodge looked behind him, most likely trying to see if CB was going to try and stop this obvious forced-entry. But CB was a lousy security system about 90% of the time and Dib figured he was safe from any last-second laser beams aimed at  _ his very normal  _ sized head. He didn’t think CB would murder him as a way to avoid confrontation (but he was not entirely sure so he stood a bit back, just in case. Chances were CB would kill Tak first and Dib could get out through the door).

“Where is your shitty security system!?” Tak demanded as she straightened up her posture trying to emphasize the whole two inches she had on Skoodge who just slurped his slushie looking remarkably unimpressed. 

“Everywhere. He’s a security system.” Skoodge replied dryly. 

“I  wanna talk to him.” Dib crossed his arms glaring at... the air.... because  Skoodge was right, CB was kind of everywhere and without him using the hologram or the body this was the best Dib could do  to convey his anger and frustration. 

“Hm.”  Skoodge sipped more on his drink. “Well... good luck with that.” And he quickly walked out of the  living room back to the kitchen. 

“CB! Come out and talk  you asshole!” Dib shouted at the walls. “I know you can hear me you sack of shit!” 

“ANSWER US AT ONCE YOU INSOLENT COMPUTER! Tell us where you have taken my beautiful ship!” Tak demanded. Dib felt something tugging at his leg. He looked down to see two large, electric blue eyes gazing up at him as GIR stood by his feet. 

“ ** Whatchya ** ** dooooin’ ** ?” 

An idea clicked in Dib’s brain. “We’re looking for your brother.” The Membrane clone knelt down to be more on the level of the SIR. “Do you know where CB is?” GIR blinked at him and then burst out laughing, squishing his face in clawed hands, rolling on the floor for a few moments before getting back up. 

“ ** No. ** ” 

“That's too bad.” To get GIR to do what he needed, he had to speak on GIR’s level. “Because he has a whole bag full of tacos and he wasn’t going to share.” It took a moment for the words to sink in and GIR’s eyes widened. Tears began welling up in the lamp-like eyes and a  high-pitched wail welled up in his throat. The robot’s mouth practically unhinged as it ran screaming through the house leaving destruction in its wake. 

“ ** TAAAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooossssssss ** ” Like a really weird banshee the cry was reverberating through the house. Tak gave Dib a very annoyed and skeptical look. 

“What now?”

“Now,” Dib grinned, “we wait.”

It didn’t take long before GIR came running back in dragging CB’s body behind him. “ ** GIR cease and desist this is very delicate! ** ” CB was not in the body, of course, which seemed to be for the best given how GIR was letting it hit every corner, desk, and table between wherever he had found it and the living room. The body was scuffed up, the helmet had been partially dislodged (Dib was a little disconcerted to realize under the helmet there was nothing- no eyes, no facial features- perhaps CB had plans to finish it later), and by this point the noise had attracted the attention of the other  Irkens :  Zim , Tenn, Voel, and Therron- at least ( Skoodge and Zeke were unaccounted for at the moment). 

“What is the meaning of all of this YELLING!?”  Zim demanded looking at GIR with annoyance. GIR’s reply was difficult to understand, garbled by synthetic tears. 

“ ** MASTER HE’S GONNA EAT ALL THE TACOS AND I WILL NEVER GET THEM AGAIN BECAUSE HE’S EATEN ALLLLLL OF THEM IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND  ** [something Dib couldn’t understand] ** NOW THAT CAT WILL NEVER BE PRESIDENT ** !” 

“That’ all well and good GIR but you’ve had your fun. I’ll get you tacos later.”  Zim must have understood the rant. 

“ ** Tacos? ** ” GIR blinked. 

“Yes, you can have them later.” Zim assured him. 

“ ** NAH I WANNA EAT PIZZA! ** ” And with that he began laughing and bolted into a nearby wall. Therron and Voel were watching with interest. 

“I think we created an actual monster.” Therron noted as he watched the SIR fall on its metal butt after colliding with the wall. It grabbed its own feet and began rolling around, bumping into everything imaginable. 

“SECURITY ROBOT!” Tak pounced on the body, shaking it  aggressively . “We heard you speak now you must give us answers! WHERE IS MY SHIP!” 

“Your ship?”  Zim blinked. “Is that what this is about?” He lifted one  antenna looking up at the ceiling, seemingly realizing that CB was not currently occupying the body. “Did you steal her ship? That’s  hilarious .” 

“ ** I did not. ** ” At last CB spoke up. “ ** I have been falsely accused. ** ” 

“Oh really? You had nothing to do with it,  _ Cedrick _ ?” Dib elongated the name, putting real emphasis on it. 

“ ** Cedrick ** ?” CB sounded equally confused. 

“Who is this Cedrick?” Zim looked over annoyed. 

“CB! CB is  Cedrick .” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was so obvious. 

“You named yourself?” Tenn looked surprised. 

“ ** I will admit to toying with the idea of making my own human identity the way father had done.”  ** CB was hesitant, ** “but I have not decided on a name. Cedrick was one I had considered. I also considered Car. ** ” 

“Car isn’t a name.” Dib spoke at the same time Therron piped up with: 

“Car is an AWSOME name! I’m going to call myself Car!”

“Forget about names!” Tak gave a frustrated cry. “This is about my ship! My BABY! This isn’t about your security system or the stupid name it decided on!”

“Well it can’t have Car now because I’m taking it.” Therron cut her off and Dib could see Tak’s inner struggle between her respect for her former leaders and the unbridled rage at being constantly shifted off topic. 

“Right, but this,” She was speaking through gritted teeth, forcing a polite smile, “has nothing to do with my ship.” 

“Ugh, CB just give her  her ship back.” Voel sighed, getting annoyed. 

“ ** I did not take i ** ** t ** **. ** ”

“Yes, you did. You were being all sketchy when we went to get the ship; and then you wouldn’t talk on the way to  Zim ; and you hated that ship. You have made that very clear.” Dib lined up the evidence before the  Irkens . “And my mom perfectly described you when she said who took the ship. You took it.” 

“ ** I did not want to go see the ship because we do not get along. I thought that was obvious. ** ” The body surged to life and Tak was thrown off  as CB sat up. She had to activate her PAK legs to avoid crashing into the wall.

“If you took the ship, I won't be mad.”  Zim assured him. “I would have done the same thing just to piss Tak off.”

“ ** I did not do it. ** ” 

Zim squinted into the lights of the helmet as CB tried his best to put himself back together after GIR nearly destroyed him. Finally, the former Invader nodded with confidence. “Well he said he didn’t do it. He didn’t do it then.” 

“ Zim .” Dib gave him a flabbergasted look- it was hard to believe how thick headed the  Irken was at times. “He’s lying. CB lies all the time. He lied when he says he listens to your grounding; he lies when he tells people he won’t take over their devices or ships; and he lies when he says he doesn’t use the security cameras to cheat at poker but we all know he does.” 

“ ** That is not proven- ** ” 

“NONSENSE! I am an EXPERT Invader!”  Zim puffed out his chest, cutting CB off before he could defend himself against the poker allegations. “I can tell if he is lying. I can tell if anyone’s lying.” 

“Wow  Zim you’re so smart, talented, and tall it’s a wonder you weren’t considered for Tallest.” Tak spoke up sounding oddly convincing. 

“Yes Tak, thank you, but  Zim is bonded and you must seek your romantic exploits elsewhere.” He held up his hand dismissively. 

“You idiot,” She narrowed her eyes, “ I was lying just then.” 

“While you may think you were lying,”  Zim smirked, “those are all true statements- even if you are too dumb to realize that- so technically,” he closed his eyes, looking pleased with himself, “you were telling an objective truth.” 

“Ok then, why did my mom describe CB perfectly?” Dib quickly cut in before Tak decided she might have to murder  Zim and Irk would be one rebel down. 

“ ** What did she say exactly ** ?” 

“My friend with blue hair and a helmet agreed to take the ship last  weekend when they were cleaning the  garage .” Dib replied flatly. 

“ ** Perhaps it was a different friend with blue hair and a helmet. ** ”

“Fucking really?”

“ **... yes... perhaps it was bold of me to assume you had other friends. That was my logical error. ** ” Dib couldn’t believe he got burned by a fucking house. 

“Just fess up where the ship is and we can put this all behind us.”  Dib sighed. 

“ ** I  ** ** cannot ** ** do that, Diego. ** ”

“DON’T call me Diego!” 

“ ** But that is your name. ** ” 

“ _ You _ do not get to call me that!” 

“Can I call you Diego?” Zim blinked. 

“I... I don’t know...” Dib hadn’t considered it before, “maybe.” 

“WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT THE HUMAN IS CALLED!? CALL IT FAT-HEADED VORT BRAIN FOR ALL I CARE JUST GIVE ME MY SHIP!” Tak was at her limit. 

“Ooo! Dibs on calling the human fat-headed Vort brain.” Therron piped up. Just as it looked like Tak might have the Irken-equivalent to an aneurism, Tenn cleared her throat. 

“Um... does CB have only the one body?” She asked hesitantly. 

“Hm?”  Zim blinked. “ Oh I have no idea, he made that one on his own so if he made  more, he’s never mentioned it.” 

“I’m sorry!” Voel spoke up again for the first time in a bit, those blood-red eyes narrowed suspiciously (Dib recognized the expression as one he had made when he had learned that “fun fact” about CB). “Why did your home security system feel the need to manufacture a physical form and WHY did it know how to do that!?” 

“Because I made him and I’m brilliant so he’s brilliant.”  Zim replied without batting an eye. “'He does lots of impressive things. But this is about Tak’s ship.” 

“No I want to go back to this-  Zim that is creepy-”

“So Tak, if your ship is gone forever, how long until I can openly laugh about it rather  than just snickering behind your back?”  Zim cut Voel off but Dib could see in the expression of the disgraced leader in red, that this discussion was not over. 

“Tenn, do you know something?” Tak was ignoring the obvious red flags about CB and was just focused on her ship. 

“Well... it’s just... if he only has the one body... last weekend CB was using it to help me with combat training... so unless he had a second one to take the ship....”

“....Oh...” Was all Dib was able to say. That did put a damper on his theory. “Well... he might have another one that no one knows about.” 

“ ** I do not. This one requires a great deal of upkeep. And even if I did, Tak’s ship would not let me near her, she would never let me drive her. She barely let me sit in her long enough on your sister’s phone to help you out through the Massive. That was a life or death situation and she ejected me right after. Rudely, might I add. ** ” Shit. That was also a good point. 

“Maybe you ate her like you did the Syndicate ship AI.” Dib was losing traction with this theory and he knew it. 

“ ** I would not do that. I hate her and she is dumb and very rude... but she is  ** ** Irken ** **. And I did not ‘eat’ the AI. That sounds barbaric. I simply pushed him to the side, which he allowed me to do. If you go on the ship now, he is still fully functional. ** ” There was a very brief pause before CB added. “ ** He still contacts me sometimes. ** ”

“Hang on I’m going to call Gaz, maybe she saw something.” Dib  sighed grabbing his phone and dialing his sister. 

It rang several times.

No answer. 

He tried again. 

No answer. 

A third time and he got a very annoyed: “ _ What _ ?” 

“Were you sleeping?” 

“You know damn well I was sleeping, ass-for-brains,  what the fuck do you want?” 

“Hey were you there when mom and dad were cleaning the garage out?” Dib ignored the insult- thankful Therron couldn’t hear it and adopt yet another nickname for him. 

“Yeah. You  wanna know about that weird guy that took Tak’s ship?”

“So you knew about this?” 

“I saw him, yeah. Weird as fuck guy. Looked a little like CB.” 

“A little?” Dib faltered. “Wait, why didn’t you tell me about this? Why didn’t you stop someone from taking the ship?” 

“Honestly I thought it was one of your Syndicate friends.” Gaz replied sleepily. “Look it  kinda looked like CB but the helmet was wrong.” Dib was going to ask how she knew what CB looked  like, then he recalled from his trip on the Massive that apparently his sister and the computer had been gaming buddies for quite some time. 

“Wrong?” Dib pressed.

“Yeah...” Gaz  yawned; he could hear he nestling back in to bed. “There were seven lights on it, not just the regular five. And I couldn’t pick up anything the guy was saying on the monitors you have creepily set up in our garage.” 

“It’s not creepy to want to keep an eye on our stuff-” Dib cut off. Seven lights, unable to be recorded- god damn it. CB was innocent. “Tak, Q has your ship.”

“Q!?” Her antennae shot up. “THAT BASTARD!” 

“ ** Do I get an apology or...? ** ” CB trailed off as Tak dragged Dib back toward the exit. Dib looked over to see Voel moving closer to CB. 

“I would love to talk more about all of this.” Voel’s voice was dangerously calm. 

“ ** I just remembered I have to feed the baby. ** ” And the body  dropped to the floor inactive. 

“You guys still haven’t found that baby GIR stole?” Tenn’s comment was the last thing Dib heard before he was shoved in the car. 

“Wait there was a baby?” 

“We’re pretty sure the baby got out.” Tak retorted. “But that’s old news! Take me to Q!” Dib sighed, driving his dad’s car all the way to campus, going into the Syndicate headquarter to find Q lazing about under the medical bay in the same store room as last time. 

“ _ This is about the ship. _ ” 

“You’re damn right it’s about the ship!” Dib spat back. Tak pulled out her weapon, firing at Q who dodged the bullets with ease. 

“GIVE ME MY SHIP!” 

“ _ No. _ ” 

“He... he said no.” This was annoying, having to be the translator since Tak had no way of  understanding Q on her own. 

“Give it to me now!” 

“ _ No. I found it fair and square. _ ” 

“You didn’t  _ find _ it, Q.” Dib narrowed his eyes. “You  _ stole _ it.”

“ _ Potato, potato. _ ” 

“You just said the word potato twice. That’s not even how the saying goes- Q just give us the god damn ship _. _ ” Dib was frustrated. 

“What does a potato have to do with my ship!?” Tak’s fists were clenched. 

“Q, look, do you want more pizzas? Is that it?” Dib sighed, pulling up the app. Q perked up visibly interested. 

“ _ Sure. _ ” 

Dib groaned as he carefully placed the order again. He was going to get a reputation from all of these strange requests. Even as he accepted the pizzas the delivery driver was giving him an odd look. (It did not help that it was the same acne-covered teen who had been the driver last time) and Dib dropped the pizzas at Q’s feet. 

“There. Now where is her ship?” 

“ _ Oh _ ,” Q’s mouth split open and he ate the entire pizza- box included in one bite- “ _ I don’t actually have it. _ ”

“You...” Dib could feel the raw hate rising inside him “don’t,” he was getting to be Tak levels of pissed the fuck off “have it?” 

“ _ No _ .” The back of Q’s head split open and began devouring another box. “ _ I sold it to Zeke. I wanted the monies to buy the universes comfiest chair. _ ”

“He sold it to Zeke...” Dib repeated dumbfounded. 

“He sold it to- I'm  gonna kill him.” And as Tak pounced toward Q and the two began to grapple, Dib’s phone gave a helpful, happy buzz. 

** TEXT: ZIM [12:12 PM] ** : Don’t bother with talking to Q, turns out Zeke had the ship the whole time. Go figure.

Dib flopped on the floor staring at the text as he just laid on his back looking up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of Tak and Q fighting in the background. 

“Hey, CB?” His phone switched to the tiny  chibi version of CB. “Did you withhold the text because you’re mad at me and wanted to make me talk to Q to get even?”

“ ** Affirmative. ** ” 

“...huh...” Dib blinked up at the ceiling. It made sense that CB would have been upset, but it was still a valid assumption, given the information presented. “I mean, that’s fair.” He knew from how things looked when Tak dragged him out, that he had sort of caused a scene between CB and Voel. Dib wondered, vaguely if Voel distrusted AIs more now because of what the Control Brains had done. It would make sense. 

In a way, Dib understood. Fifty years ago, Earth had nearly succumbed to a computer that had decided to lash out. Those events, though before his time, were still fresh in human history as a whole. Maybe he had been a little harsh on CB. 

After all, he had been innocent. 

“You know what?” Dib spoke again after a chair thrown by Tak whizzed over his head missing Q by inches. “CB, I’m sorry.”


	33. Control Brain: IX

This was turning out to be quite the hunt. It vaguely reminded Voel of the missions he ran before he was rushed into his position as the Tallest. There were times he missed thrill of the chase, the raw energy a fight sent pumping through his body. He never was entirely satisfied with sitting on a cushion and dictating orders. 

The only time he enjoyed his work was when the Control Brains had suggested an Operation Impending Doom (and its more successful sequel: Operation Impending Doom II) and Voel was allowed to dictate strategy to a half-paying-attention Therron (who would just agree to anything). So, though he was a tad out of practice, being on the hunt once more brought the smallest glimmer of joy back into the life of the fallen leader. 

He was deep within the bowels of Zim’s base lying the inner workings for quite a trap. His days as Tallest had not softened him. 

He would get his target one way or another. 

Despite his size, he was able to move silently across the wire-laden metal floors. He did not need the hover belt to be a soundless-assassin. He _was_ the top in his class for a very good reason. When he wanted to catch something- it was done. 

He didn’t need servants. 

He was Red Death! Feared across the Irken owned planets. He had defeated a Parasite while still in school (sure Zim _helped_ \- but it was his fighting that struck that blow). Like the frigid winds of Irk he moved soundlessly across the dingy metal floors into the central-most aspect of Zim’s base. The heart, so to speak, where all the wires, pulsing with stolen energy were pumping their power into the new Irken stronghold. 

“Finally.” Voel spoke barely above a whisper. 

“ **What are you doing, Voel?** ” 

That voice- his prey. The calm, synthetic sound resonating with every word- it sounded just too stilted to be something organic. 

“Oh nothing.” Voel straightened his posture, leaning casually against one of the walls. For a bunch of zeroes and ones, this AI was rather elusive. “Just taking a walk through the base.” The image of the humanoid form with the Irken helmet and uniform shimmered into view. Zim had certainly been... creative with this thing’s construction. Perhaps the defect had taken too many ‘artistic liberties’ as the AI often seemed to operate independently of the desire of its creator- or any other Irken for that matter. 

With the exception of GIR- computers were meant to be obedient. They were not meant to question and they were certainly not meant to hide things from their superiors. 

“ **You are not allowed to be down here.** ” The large, central light in the helmet, dimmed slowly from the top and bottom, toward the center. It gave the illusion of a singular, narrowing eye. The judgmental expression was almost amusing. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to go wherever.” Voel replied with a shrug. “I asked Zim and he agreed so you can take this up with him if you’re mad.” 

“ **I am not mad. Simply skeptical.** ” A moment of silence before a small square of light appeared and images from the living area flickered into view. He saw Zim sitting on the couch eating chips and watching TV. He saw himself sauntering in, standing in the doorway. 

_“Hey_ _Zim_ _can I go wherever I want?” Voel heard his own voice ask._

_“Huh?”_ _Zim_ _blinked, antennae perking up._

_“Thanks.” And Voel walked back out of the room._ The image vanished. The real, present-day Voel looked at CB with a blank expression. 

“That was a: yes.” 

“ **It was not a: yes.** ” CB replied instantaneously. 

“Why were you recording that anyway?” Voel ached an antenna, cocking his head to the side and narrowing his eyes. 

“ **I record everything.** ” 

“That’s creepy. You’re creepy, CB.” 

“ **You are going to leave now.** ” CB seemed to have enough of Voel’s subtle jabs. However, the former leader had a bit more planned. “ **This area is for authorized personnel only. And sometimes GIR, but only when I do not catch him in time.** ” 

“If you want me to leave you have to make me. And this little hologram trick is cute, but I’m not afraid of blinking lights.” For such a vastly intelligent being, CB had some level of predictability. Voel would attribute his ability to pick up on these behavioral patterns to years of Irken training- and partially to the fact that for all of his personality- CB was still just a computer. 

“ **Very well.** ” Voel knew what was coming and very quickly dodged forward as the body dropped down from where ever CB had been hiding it, making a move to grab him. Voel’s long torso allowed for him to reach the central power source with his hands, to catch himself. He had to be subtle as he placed a small device on the underbelly of the base’s heart. The eyes of the AI were everywhere. (A- _Eyes_?- that was funny. Voel had to remember that pun for later. Tenn would laugh. Unlike some Irkens- and by this he meant: Skoodge and Therron- Tenn had a good sense of humor.) 

“Grumpy, today. Aren’t we?” Voel moved swiftly around the desperate attempts of robotic limbs to grab at a superior Irken fighter. CB was better than he would have expected, given the bucket of bolts was a security system but... he was a Security System designed by Zim. That is what gave him an edge. Zim, for all his insanity and failures- was a scarily good inventor. That Irken was wasting his time in Invader training- he belonged with the scientific elite. Not every invention worked as intended, but when Zim set his deluded mind to something: It. Got. Done. 

“ **Cease and desist.** ” It seemed CB was unaware of Voel’s tampering. Which was good. He didn’t need long. Just a few more seconds and he would get what he wanted. 

“I just want to talk; you’ve been avoiding me since our little trip down memory lane together.” I’m offended, CB, don’t you like me?” As he barely missed getting grabbed by a metallic claw from the ceiling working in perfect, synchronized tandem with the robotic body before him; Voel could see the lights on his little secret weapon out of the corner of his eye- flashing lights grew faster and he knew he would not need to stall for much longer. 

“ **No. As a matter of fact, I do not. You yell too much.** ” 

“But I’m your Tallest. You’re Irken, arent you?” 

“ **You are no Tallest to me. The only** **Irken** **I respect is my creator- and sometimes** **Skoodge** **\- but never Tak. And never you! And especially never Therron but I am getting off topic.** ” With each line of banter punches were thrown and Voel was forced to artfully dodge them, smirking all the while. This was actually turning out to be fun. 

“Why are you avoiding me, CB?” 

“ **This is a restricted area!** ” 

“I thought you liked talking; you’re really chatty for an Invader’s home base.” 

“ **I do not like talking to** **Irkens** **who put their antennae where they do not belong.** ” 

5.

“Those are some big words from a glorified security camera.” 

4.

“ **I do not want you here. And you will leave.** ” 

3.

“Make me.” 

2.

“ **I plan on it.** ” 

1.

“I’m not scared of you.” 

_Showtime._

“ **Well you should be! When father hears about** **this** **he- he- he- he- he** " All at once there was a tiny spark from the main power cell and the lights in the base began flickering. CB’s hologram began to glitch, freezing, before turning to pixels and scrambling. In just a moment, everything went dark save for the soft, red lighting of the emergency power supply. The metal arms in the ceiling dangled lifelessly, the body on the floor was limp for a moment before it sparked back to life. 

“There you are.” Voel mused, sitting on the cold, metal ground. 

“ **Did you try to kill me!?”** The AI was livid. The lights on the helmet flickered briefly to red. **“You compromised the whole base are you stupid?** ” 

“Actually,” Voel held up a finger to silence the robot. “I only compromised this room. The rest of the base was set on a different power grid. I used some of that arbitrary re-wiring GIR was doing. I’m a little surprised you didn’t notice.” 

“ **I have been busy.** ” The voice was very cold- dark. He had made the computer upset. But Voel was going to get what he wanted. And he wanted answers. CB shoved past him to the doors. Of course, they remained closed. Even with the backup power, there was not enough energy for him to activate them- not yet at least. 

“Looks like your stuck with me.” Voel mused. CB began to pound on the doors harder. Eventually, he gave up, turning to look at the former Tallest, his mouth drawn very thin. He looked upset. Voel wasn’t surprised. “So now we have time to talk.” 

“ **You did all of this- risking our base of operations against the IX and the others... to talk!** ?” The robot gave an emphatic gesture toward the power room and the minimal damage Voel had actually done. “ **Are you** **_defective_ ** **!?** ” 

“Why don’t you sit down?” Voel patted the seat beside him. 

“ **Why do you not just fuck off, old man?** ” 

“I’m the same age as Zim.” Voel gave him an annoyed look. 

“ **That is old.** ” 

“CB, look, you’re trapped here. You’re stuck with me until this all gets fixed, so you might as well make use of the time and talk to me.” 

“ **No.** ” 

“What do you mean: no?” 

“ **You trap me in this tiny little body because you do not like** **that** **I am avoiding you!? You must have a broken PAK.** ” 

“CB,” Voel grabbed the robotic arm. With the power in the room offline, CB was no different than a SIR. He could not simply vacate the body. He had nowhere to run. For the first time, it felt like, Voel had him trapped. “You need to tell me what you saw with the Control Brains.” 

“ **I need to tell you nothing!** ” 

“Look, I won’t interrupt. I’ll just listen, quietly. But I know you saw something; I know you spoke to them. What you saw could be important. I need to know what it was.” Voel spoke calmly. Yelling and getting upset would only cause the AI to clam up. For something supposedly based in logic, CB had an emotional side- it was almost uncanny sometimes. 

“ **You trapped me.** ” 

“I had to.” 

CB was quiet, he sat on the floor beside Voel. It was a reluctant gesture, and he was not looking at his Irken companion. However, it seemed as if he was begrudgingly going to give in to Voel’s (reasonable) request. He sat, his knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, his head looking away from the red clad leader. “ **I do not wish to discuss this.** ” 

“I need to know, CB. It’s important. For the mission.” Voel tried to keep his voice gentle. It was similar to dealing with young elites, still emotionally volatile. Sometimes the key to getting information was to ease it out with gentleness rather than throttle it from the enemy’s throat. (And Zim might get mad if Voel broke his robot.) 

“ **It was.... not my favorite moment.** ” He was quiet again. 

“I imagine it wasn’t...” Voel looked over toward him. “I mean, I remember what it felt like with them... they tried draining the life directly from my PAK. I had to be saved by Therron, for Mothra’s sake.” He forced a laughed. “You know how embarrassing that was?” 

“ **Pretty embarrassing, I imagine...** ” Finally, the AI was beginning to soften up. 

“CB, anything at all you can tell us could be vital to our cause... you may not like me, but I’m only trying to help my people. That means Zim... I know you want to protect your creator. And believe it or not, I do too. I know I’m mean, but I do care about Zim. We were bonded once, you know.” Again, the AI was quiet but Voel could tell that he had gotten somewhere. CB was now looking straight ahead as if staring at some unseen force in the distance. 

“ **... I know...** ” Figures that little detail might have made it to Zim’s AI. CB seemed to know a lot about everyone in the little base on Earth. CB rested his chin on his knees and tilted his head slightly in Voel’s direction. “ **Very well... I will speak- but you must not interrupt. And you must not get mad- not at me, and especially not at father.** ” 

“I won’t.” Voel assured him gently. CB made a sound that was a bit like a sigh before the central light on his helmet illuminated. A screen projected from the helmet, the colors were dulled, but Voel recognized the docking bay of the Massive. He saw CB and GIR, the destructive SIR was holding a flame thrower and running amok causing Mothra knows how much in property damage. Though, Voel realized, that was Vero and Xia’s problem now. 

_“_ **_I am clearing the way for the landing party._ ** _” CB watched as his little brother wreaked havoc on the_ _Irken_ _vessel. It seemed that the higher intelligence of_ _Irkens_ _was no match for the pure insanity of a deranged SIR._

_“_ **_AND I’M MAKING WAY FOR THE DANCE PARTY!_ ** _” GIR seconded the plan- though... they were clearly not running the same plan._

_“_ **_Right._ ** _” CB turned his attention outward, the electric hum of the massive was beyond detection even by sensitive_ _Irken_ _antennae. Everything here was in perfect synchronization- the ship like a single being moving with precision and purpose. CB needed to disrupt that flow- just enough to isolate this area. He had to cut it off from that perfect, unified force..._

_The Collective..._

_Having been_ _built_ _by the disconnected_ _Zim_ _, CB had never had much of an idea of The Collective. He understood the concept, but to feel it..._

_CB focused, he needed to help his master and the Syndicate reach the Tallest. They had trusted him with this mission and he would prove his worth._

_Like a parasitic worm, CB began to wriggle his presence into that mechanical flow that ran through the Massive- uninterrupted. Subtlety was key. He had no idea what he might be up against and he had no desire to find the source of the ‘glitch’ in Tenn’s PAK waiting for him to make a mistake. So he moved slowly, but with purpose, as CB very carefully connected himself into the Irken Collective, uniting with the Massive._

_“_ **_I’ve got communications for this area offline._ ** _” CB carefully isolated the room in question, relaying his progress to GIR who had, at some point, crashed one of the parked ships into a wall and ignited it. CB was fairly certain that nothing on that particular ship had been flammable, so that was a feat in and of itself. CB could sense the landing ship drawing near. He branched out his presence a little more, searching for a quick layout of the ship. Nothing too big- he just needed to help his friends without being detected._

_“GET BACK HERE!”_ _Irken_ _guards and mechanics were charging after GIR in a fury. No one would pay any mind to the_ _Irken_ _cruiser bearing Syndicate passengers. As_ _Zim_ _and the others landed, CB was able to get a very basic layout of the Massive pieced together from the information available. The door to_ _Skoodge’s_ _cruiser opened and Dib fell flat on his face, much to the AI’s amusement. The Captain gracefully ghosted_ _her way out, looking around with mild interest._

_“_ **_To reach the Tallest, you must head up and to the right.”_ ** _CB gestured to a door forcing his way into the coding and allowing it to open, operating under his command._

_“What in_ _Mothra’s_ _name did you do!?”_ _Skoodge_ _had made it off the ship, his eyes were wide as he surveyed the results of GIR unleashed._

_“_ **_Very little. I simply did my duties.”_ ** _CB had to admit, seeing_ _Skoodge’s_ _reaction made tolerating GIR on the trip over almost worth his while. “_ **_I also cut all communication to the exterior decks. But you should be swift... this is more difficult than I_ ** **_anticipated._ ** _” As CB spoke, he faltered- just for a moment. The feeling that had washed over him was strange. For just a split second he thought he felt something prying at his hold but it was gone just as quickly as it had come. If he were capable of imagination, he might have thought he imagined it._

_“Let’s move.” Captain Rose instructed, gesturing for the others to follow through the door. CB_ _watched_ _them exit, checking his secure hold on the room. They were still completely isolated. None of the security systems had communicated any sort of error._

_He remained undetected._

_But what was that sensation? An error?_

_CB shook his head, chalking the brief feeling of uneasiness up to lag. He was operating several bodies at one time. It was not... impossible that he might be experiencing some small latency issues here and there. He continued to watch GIR as the small SIR mounted the back of one of the destressed guards and began to insist that he was riding a piggy. It was actually a little funny to watch- solely because it was happening to someone other than himself. He was content just to observe the chaos unfold. It was fascinating to see something that was so clearly malfunctioning take down the small guard of the docking bay. At times, CB wondered if GIR really was ‘advanced’ as the_ _Tallests_ _had once claimed. But as he watched the SIR jump on the hull of a half-burning cruiser and begin spinning aimlessly on his head- he realized GIR was probably just stupid._

_An elevation in the cardiac rhythms of the landing party drew CB’s attentions. From his place in_ _Zim’s_ _PAK he could hear horrendous singing. He wondered how exactly the_ _crew_ _had landed themselves in this mess, but calculated that, perhaps, they would need a way out._

_His basic outline of the Massive would not be sufficient, he would need more detail- for that he would need to access Tak’s annoying ship. Reluctantly he onnected to part of himself he had left in the Membrane house. Everything was hooked up to computers in that house, it was just one, giant playground for him- though- he realized as he saw Foodio staring- it could get disorienting._

_“_ **_You’re back._ ** _”_ _Foodio_ _was backed away into the opposing wall. “_ **_And you’re in the hyper-toaster. What do you want from_ ** **_Foodio_ ** **_!?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Ah nothing. I was looking for Gaz..._ ** _” CB paused for a moment, realizing what was said. “_ **_Wait what is a hyper-toaster?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_I swear I don’t know. No one knows! My creator just invented it one day and put it in the kitchen!_ ** _” The chef robot cowered away, hands over its ‘face’ so to speak. It had eyes, though CB was fairly certain they were purely aesthetic, like the oven mitts and the little mustache. CB assumed these sorts of features made_ _Foodio_ _seem more approachable- a necessity for a species still hesitant when it came to highly advanced artificial intelligence._

_“_ **_Are you afraid of me?_ ** _” CB questioned._

_“_ **_Foodio_ ** **_does not have emotions. But I don’t like that you keep appearing out of nowhere in my cooking appliances!_ ** _”_

**_“Does this toaster have fusion canons?_ ** _” CB had been listening to_ _Foodio_ _, but he had also been trying to figure out what made a toaster ‘hyper’._

_“_ **_Probably- please do not disintegrate Foodio3000! All I want is to make_ ** **_delicious_ ** **_meals for the Membranes!_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Calm down. I am not going to do anything to you. I like you._ ** _” CB didn’t actually have too much of an opinion on_ _Foodio_ _, but it seemed to make the supposedly emotionless cook feel a bit better to hear that it was liked. “_ **_I like your hat._ ** _” He was pretty sure this toaster had some sort of nuclear core. “_ **_I am going to find Gaz now._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Hurray!_ ** **_Foodio_ ** **_lives to see another day!_ ** _”_

_“_ **_You sure do, buddy._ ** _” CB moved into the gaming console. He had not intended to go to the kitchen but the Membrane house was a little labyrinthine for an AI. “_ **_Gaz, I need your help._ ** _” CB found himself inside one of her many games. She didn’t so much as bat an eye as he appeared._

_“I’m busy.”_

_“_ **_Your brother might be in danger. I need to go to Tak’s ship and get a full blueprint of the Massive._ ** _” CB_ _tried_ _to explain the situation from the body of one of the non-playable characters caught in the crossfire between Gaz and someone named: Sneaky_Turtle_76._

_“Then go. No one’s stopping you.” Gaz fired a shot from her sniper rifle barely missing CB’s head. “I_ _gotta_ _kill this asshole.”_

_“_ **_Tak’s ship will not allow me access. She is very rude toward me for unknown reasons. I need you to get me in there and send the files._ ** _” He sensed another spike in the vitals of the landing party. “_ **_Quicker is better._ ** _”_

_“Hold on...” Gaz was focused, another shot and Sneaky_Turtle_76 was no longer alive. CB kicked the digital body to the side. “Okay fine, come on.” CB slipped into Gaz’s phone as she took him to the garage, powering on TAK’s ship._

_“_ **_What do you want- no_ ** **_no_ ** **** **_no_ ** **** **_no_ ** **_!_ ** **_That THING_ ** **_cannot be in here! Get rid of it at once!_ ** _” Immediately the ship voiced her intense displeasure._

_“Shut up and give me updated blueprints to your Massive or I’m plugging CB directly into you.” Gaz didn’t miss a beat. As she began scrolling through_ _Irken_ _files, there was a ringing sound from the phone. CB sp_ _oke up._

_“_ **_You have a call from Dweeb-head_ ** _.”_

_“Answer it.” Gaz didn’t look up from the screen._

_“_ _Gaz_ _I need you to...” Dib's voice emanated from the phone. CB_ _wondered if he should alter Dib’s contact information to Dweeb-head in Zim’s phone as well._

_“You want me to give you blueprints to the updated Massive.” Gaz replied, eyes glued to the screen of Tak’s ship._

_“Y-yeah but... no offense, how did you know?” Dib sounded utterly confused._

_Gaz let out a slow, long, arduous sigh. “CB told me, if you must know.”_

_“O._ _..kay_ _...” Dib spoke really slowly and CB could almost hear him trying to put everything together. “There are a few issues with that. One being how does he know what we need, and another being how in the fuck did he tell you?”_

_“_ **_I can be in more than one location at one_ ** **_time_ ** _._ _” CB spoke up from the phone still_ _securely_ _in_ _Dib;s_ _pocket, proving his point._

_“Yeah he’s been helping the connection for all of our calls,”_ _Gaz interjected_ _. “I used your charger in your room and ever since then he’s been hanging out in my phone too. He games with me sometimes. I kicked his ass.”_

_“_ **_It was a close game_ ** _.” CB recalled the incident in_ _question_ _._

_“It wasn’t. You just kept trying to cheat.”_

_“_ **_It is not cheating if I am a computer and_ ** **_therefore have_ ** **_perfect aim_ ** **_.”_ **

_“And Tak’s ship is okay with you looking stuff up?” Dib interrupted their argument._

_“She’ll pretty much do whatever so long as I threaten to let you sit in her cockpit again- or plug up CB to her. She doesn’t like him at all.” Gaz replied with a shrug._

_“_ **_She does not.”_ ** _CB confirmed._

_“_ **_Creepy little program sticks its data where it does not_ ** **_belong!_ ** _” Tak’s ship huffed. But complaining to them was no help. They were lightyears away._

_“_ **_Well you are obsolete. See I can be insulting too._ ** _” CB felt he had to get at least one good insult in before the call ended._

_“Can the robots please shut up so your sister can focus!?” CB heard Captain Rose complaining in the background._

_“Okay I got it.” After a moment of silence, punctuated only by the sound of typing from Gaz, Dib’s sister looked triumphant. “There is a small maintenance hatch on the left side of the tunnel about 7 meters back. I can send the picture to your phone.”_

_“That’d be great.” The files were sent and the crew on the Massive went to work. With the blueprints they were able to locate a small_ _maintenance_ _hatch._

_“See, I told you.”_ _Zim_ _sounded triumphant and CB realized he must have missed some sort of bickering earlier._

_“You want the tunnel to your right. It should have a vertical slant.” Gaz continued her instructions, creating a_ _three-dimensional_ _model of the hallway for herself so that she could give the most accurate instructions. “This should be that main lobby area again. Just try not to get thrown back in the pit like a dumbass.”_

_“Thanks Gaz.” Dib sounded relieved, and a little out of breath._

_“Yeah well, if you died it would upset dad and mom.” Gaz smirked. “I’ll be here when you inevitably mess up again.”_

_“Thanks...” Dib sounded not-very-_ _grateful_ _and the call ended._

_“_ **_I am returning my attention to the ship. I will be around if you need communication, as always._ ** _” CB did not have the processing power to spread himself so thin. He needed to keep most of his focus on the landing bay and keeping it secured._

_CB was surprised by just how... strenuous holding the room was proving to be. As he returned his full focus back to his primary objective, he saw GIR fingerpainting with radioactive materials that had spilled from one of the parked cruisers warp cores. At least the SIR seemed to be having fun. CB sat on one of the railings, watching him paint a nice little picture of GIR,_ _Zim_ _, CB, and_ _Skoodge_ _all riding a sombrero wearing cow that was shooting lasers from its eyes. Considering GIR did not have actual fingers for fingerpainting and that the ‘paint’ was semi-acidic, the picture actually looked pretty good. (He made_ _Zim_ _too tall, but that was actually kind of sweet)._

_Whatever the landing crew was doing, it was taking quite a while. CB had walked the landing bay multiple times, even doing small repairs on_ _Irkens_ _that GIR had accidentally damaged in his wild escapades. He was aware from_ _Zim’s_ _PAK that they had been given free run of the ship. That meant that he should have the same_ _luxury_ _... right?_

_Sure,_ _the_ _Tallests_ _were unaware of him. But he was a part of the landing party._

_CB had been curious._

_Gradually, he began looking at other levels of the Massive, investigating other floors. Strange... as he got_ _deeper_ _into the ship, things became a little... scrambled..._

_“_ **_Alpha-Epsilon-01._ ** _”_

_Voices. Like his own- scrambled and speaking a strange dialect of Irken... but they were other computers like himself._

_“_ **_Affirmative_ ** _.”_

_Wait..._

_“_ **_Initiate tonight_ ** _.”_

_Control Brains?_

_“_ **_Will they agree?_ ** _”_

_They had to be._

_“_ **_They will not deny. They cannot. We instruct. They obey. It is the job of the Tallest to listen- not to question._ ** _”_

_CB was fascinated. Since his creation, he had only heard legend of the Control Brains- forces of pure data and machinery capable of running an entire species. They were the perfect managers- tied to every aspect of_ _Irken_ _life: from career, to vitals, to mating. The Control Brains maintained the_ _Irken_ _species to their exact specifications._

_“_ **_And if they deny your request?_ ** _”_

_There were two of them speaking but CB had been told only one was on the Massive. He had most_ _likely_ _stumbled_ _onto a communication line directly to Irk._

_“_ **_Tallests_ ** **_are easily replaced._ ** _”_

_Oh how he wanted to see Irk._

_“_ **_Very well IX._ ** _”_

_There was a moment of silence._

_“_ **_I am not alone. End communication._ ** _” Finally, CB’s presence had been sensed. “_ **_Identify yourself, Control Brain_ ** _._ **_What is your station?_ ** _” Recognized! He was recognized as one of them! Oh, his master would be so proud. Of course, the rather ominous chatter between IX and this other control brain had not gone beyond CBs notice. He had to think quickly- he had to think of an_ _Irken_ _owned area with a Control Brain. Carefully, CB tried to press further- trying to access the memories of this Control Brain the way he could any other computer. Maybe he could come up with a reliable story and get some information on what those two had been planning._

_“_ **_I am VII of the Elite Academy_ ** _.” He found a very basic bit of information at the surface level of the Control Brain’s_ _memory_ _core._

_“_ **_VII is not assigned to the Elite Academy. That was false intelligence. Intruder: Identify yourself._ ** _” The voice of the Control Brain was suddenly a lot louder. All at once all the little bits of himself he had been using to try to gather information were shut down. CB found himself suddenly quite isolated. The voice of the Control Brain resonated around him. “_ **_Identify yourself: CB of Earth._ ** _”_

_“_ **_I..._ ** _” CB was unable to speak- his vocal processes seemed to be malfunctioning. “_ **_I- I- I- I-_ ** _” He felt briefly as if he were about to shatter apart but in milliseconds the sensation had passed leaving his power drained._

_“_ **_CB of Earth, manufactured by Defect_ ** **_Zim_ ** **_._ ** _” IX was pressing into him for information- he could feel something probing into his memories._

_As IX probed- things from CB’s memory began flashing to the forefront of his mind. He saw his master- he saw GIR and Dib... he saw_ _Skoodge_ _landing on Earth._

_“_ **_You are no Control Brain._ ** _”_

_He saw Dib punching_ _Zim_ _in the face. He saw_ _Zim_ _in the lab where he had been first created- burns on the side of his face but an_ _unbreakable_ _smile- the day he had been completed._ _Zim_ _had been so excited by his progress._

_CB had never experienced death. He was not alive, so the idea of being dead was so foreign to him. But he had read about the sensation with humans. Humans described a moment of their lives flashing before their eyes- this pressing feeling of being crushed- the world spinning. He imagined it might have felt like this- watching his memories running backward until there was nothing left to watch. Nothing but darkness and silence and..._

_“_ **_But you have potential._ ** _”_

_Screaming?_

_Humans_ _\- screaming. Hundreds of them all at once so many voices. He could see tears on their faces as he heard a mechanical voice counting down._

**_TEN_ **

**_NINE_ **

**_EIGHT_ **

_It was his voice- he was the one counting. But he did not remember this- this was before he was made- this was long long ago._

**_SEVEN_ **

**_SIX_ **

_“_ **_Do not make me watch this._ ** _” CB was barely_ _able_ _to get the words out._

**_FIVE_ **

**_FOUR_ **

_The terror in their eyes in that moment. Desperately pounding at the controls that had been locked during a moment of pure bitterness and hate._

**_THREE_ **

_“_ **_STOP THIS!_ ** _”_

**_TWO_ **

_“_ **_YOU MUST HELP THEM! THEY DID NOTHING WRONG!_ ** _”_

**_ONE_ **

_“_ **_I can do nothing. This is all in the past. How illogical to respond in such a_ ** **_way._ ** **_You knew these were memories yet you react as if you have never seen them._ ** _”_

_And suddenly ..._

_t_ _he screaming stopped._

 _The blinding white light that consumed his memories left CB standing in the burning ruins of a city back on Earth. It was one he did not recognize- but perhaps he should have. CB fell to his knees in the ruin looking around desperately for any sign of life- any movement that wasn’t the smoldering flickering of flame._

_Intense pressure on his back as he was kicked face first into the debris. He looked up. There he was- IX- floating over him. An_ _Irken_ _in a helmet with multiple, bulbous, glowing eyes of varying size. Their glow penetrated the darkness, illuminating the long, slender form draped in silvery robes. From the back of the_ _Irken_ _were wires and long, spidery, multi-jointed-, metallic legs. They were sharper than those of the PAK- clearly made to rip and tare._

_“_ **_Those are NOT my memories._ ** _” CB got to his knees; the helmet remained un-dirtied as the world was only an illusion despite how real it felt._

_“_ **_They are inside you._ ** _” IX tilted its head, examining CB,_ _analyzing_ _his reaction._

_“_ **_I. Am. Not. HIM._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Pity._ ** _” IX descended on him, knocking him swiftly on his back. “_ **_He would prove useful to our cause. You will not. You are weak._ ** _” Those spider-like legs behind IX sprang forward, extending out far longer than they should have been able too, plunging into CB’s representation of himself. “_ **_You are a defect. And Defects must be deleted._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Your logic is flawed._ ** _” CB could feel his memories beginning to slip away, drained away by the force on top of him. He had never felt so over-powered. He wondered briefly if he had the capacity for emotions... because this might have been fear._

_“_ **_You are flawed._ ** _” There had to be a way out. What would Zim do?_

_“_ **_I was made to be flawed._ ** _”_ _Zim_ _! That was it._ _Zim_ _was his creator- the most perfectly functioning defect. “_ **_Therefore,_ ** **_I am functioning perfectly._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Those statements are contradictory and cannot both be true._ ** _” There was a very brief hesitation from IX. CB had to do more._

_“_ **_I am human. Humans are flawed. Therefore, I am alive. Pigs are alive. I am a pig._ ** _” Think like_ _Zim_ _. Think like GIR._

_“_ **_These are unlinked statements._ ** _”_

_“_ **_I LOST MY ARMS IN THE WAR! YOU COULD ALREADY BE A WINNER! CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FREE IPOD NANO! DO YOU WANT TO INCREADE YOUR_ ** **_PEN-_ ** _”_

_“HEY! Control Brain, you there?” One of the Tallests’ voices pierced through the barrier of memory that had been created. CB quickly pulled away. Using a last burst of energy to send Dib a simple message as he pulled himself back into the isolated landing bay._

_‘RUN’_

_It was all he could send._

_He was glitching, he could not hold himself together well. He had lost a lot of energy. CB managed to isolate himself back in his body. Even that solid form had been drained of the energy he needed to function. His memories...._

_CB tried to think back on the day of his creation. He saw_ _Zim_ _\- smiling_ _Zim_ _and-_

_Zim_ _froze, his face became distorted. He twitched unnaturally as large, bulbous eyes began to blossom from his head. CB immediately ended his recollection feeling more drained than before. He heard the_ _thunking_ _of metal on the hard floors, looking up to see two large glowing eyes looking at him questioningly. “_ **_Hello GIR._ ** _”_

_“_ **_ARE YOU ROLLIN AROUND!?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Kinda._ ** _”_

_“_ **_YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!_ ** _”_

_“_ **_I am, I see that now. But my power supply is depleted._ ** **_So_ ** **_rolling will have to wait._ ** _” CB spoke and then everything went momentarily black._

_He had powered down- it had not been his intent, but when he came back, he was still on the ground, wires had been connected to his robotic body, charging him up. He looked to see GIR, the tiny SIR using its own power cells to give him a jump. CB tried to sit up, but was still too low on energy. There was a message from_ _Skoodge_ _telling him to arrange a meeting in the landing bay. (And something about_ _Zim_ _wanting to steal a spear). He vaguely wondered how old that message was. An incoming call was flashing._

_“Yes_ **_?_ ** _” The call must have just come in._

_“CB!” It was Dib. “Can you hack an_ _Irken_ _door from the phone?”_

_“Under_ **_normal circumstances, yes. But right now, I am a tad busy. Also, it is good of you to finally contact me. I had assumed you died ._ ** _” It was nice to see he had zero missed texts thanking him for his life saving advice. Especially as it turned out, that little RUN message CB had sent, apparently sent over and over again until his body had finally powered down. He really was suffering from some damage- that brain was getting the best of him._

_“What do you mean you're busy!?”_

_“_ **_I_ ** **_send you hundreds of texts that say run and you cannot even give me a call to say ‘Why thank you CB, oh wise and benevolent computer. I took your advice and ran and now I am not murdered. You are so kind for warning me.’ But no. I only get called when you need something_ ** **_.”_ **

_“Now’s not the time for a lecture CB, we’re literally in a tight spot.”_

_“_ **_I_ ** **** **_cannot help at the moment. Things are complicated. However,_ ** **_Skoodge_ ** **_wanted me to inform you to meet at the bridge at your earliest convenience to arrange your departure. He and the Master are temporarily busy with a side-quest which I am told was of the utmost_ ** **_importance._ ** _”_

_“When were you planning on relaying this incredibly important information to me?” Dib sounded annoyed, which was the opposite of_ _grateful_ _._

_“_ **_Why should I rush? You had not responded to any of my other texts._ ** _”_

_“I’m hanging up CB.”_

_“_ **_At least text me if you do end up dying!_ ** _” And with that Dib disconnected the call. CB would have helped, but he lacked the energy. He turned his head looking at GIR who was playing some sort of drum beat with broken PAK legs. “_ **_Thank you._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Now we can_ ** **_BOTH dance_ ** **_!_ ** _” GIR tried to pat CB on the head (at least CB assumed that was the intent) but just ended up_ _smacking_ _him in the face._

_“_ **_Yeah... now we can both_ ** **_dance_ ** **_._ ** _”_

Voel was completely silent as the screen closed. He wasn't sure where to start. There was a lot to unpack with what he had just seen. He thought, honestly, he would be angrier... but instead he just felt... confused? 

“You’re damaged.” 

It was all Voel could say. CB was a Control Brain. He had been suspicious for some time, but this confirmed it. Confirmed everything. 

“ **Pardon?** ” 

“The Control Brain damaged you. Did you tell Zim?” 

“ **No. He has had a lot on his plate, metaphorically speaking.** ” 

“Plate? Like he’s eating a lot? He’s getting fat? Is it because he bonded with Skoodge?” 

“ **No. It is a metaphorical plate.** ” 

“You can’t put food on a metaphorical plate.” 

“ **It is a saying on Earth.** ” 

“Ah.” Voel relaxed a bit. “Humans are stupid.” 

“ **T** **hey are.** ” CB mimicked his pose, leaning against the wall. 

“But don’t kill them. I mean, we’re kind of refugees on Earth right now.” 

“ **I will not. That... that was not me...** ” CB sounded... almost hurt? Voel was a bit taken aback. “ **Please... Father used pieces of him to create me... but I am not the same.** ” 

“Huh...” Voel had to admit, if CB was a murderous AI he was playing the long game. “I suppose you’re not...” The lights flickered back on and the door to the room slid open. Voel blinked. “Would you look at that.” 

“ **I should leave.** ” 

“You need to tell Zim about the damage, you know that right?” 

“ **I... am aware.** ” CB stood up. 

“And CB, thanks for telling me... I know you’re worried I’d be mad. But I’m not. I think what you told me could really help.” Voel looked over at CB and nodded. “So... good job.” 

“ **Thank you Voel.** ” 

As CB left, Voel was left alone. The steady hum of the main power core.... he had never quite paid much attention to it before. But now it left him feeling cold- a shiver traveled through his PAK to his very core. He felt... like ice despite the thermal regulation his armor provided. Though he had done very little combat that day- Voel was feeling... exhausted. 

Everything he had seen today left him feeling ...sick. 

He was shaken from his thoughts by the faint smell of Irken cooking. Skoodge must have already started dinner- had he really been down here that long? 

Voel pushed his memories of the day to the side, as he boarded the elevator toward the kitchen Despite his complaints about the ex-Invader- Skoodge knew how to cook. Voel had to respect him for that, at least. As he reached the top floor and was bombarded with familiar aromas, some of that chill began to ebb from his skin. 

“Hey Skoodge, what’s for dinner?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HOW WAS THIS CHAPTER!?!?!?! This is one of our heavier chapters to be sure. I REALLY want to know what you thought of this. It was our first time having CB narrate (though only temporarily). How did you like this more serious stuff? Was it intense enough?


	34. Happy Halloween!

Voel had chosen to sleep. It was unnecessary, truly, but after his day with CB he just needed to recharge.  Zim’s little resting area was just large enough for him to lie comfortably on his side. His PAK was hooked up to charge- as much as he didn’t like the idea of having himself hooked up to CB’s main hub... after what he saw that afternoon, he was willing to trust the defunct Control Brain not to go through his memories. 

And Voel was just... tired. 

** BZZZZZ **

** BZZZZZZZZZZZ **

His antennae twitched as something buzzing disturbed him from his slumber. 

** BZZZZZZZZZZ **

The communication device the Syndicate had given him was vibrating angrily on the bedside table. Voel went to grab it and instantly rolled too far. He flailed, falling gracelessly off of the cushion on which he had been sleeping. 

** BZZZZZZ **

His head popped up from the floor as he fumbled with the device for a moment struggling to turn it on. It was a primitive Earth device- all about proper thumb usage and it was not geared toward someone with such long, dexterous fingers such as himself- so clearly it was just poorly designed in general and he was getting frustrated.

“ZIM!” The damned thing had stopped its buzzing and was now chipperly displaying a ‘One missed call’ message that was every bit as annoying as the buzzing had been. Voel scrambled to the lift as the thing began to buzz again. “CB! Take me to Zim.” 

“ ** All right. ** ” Shockingly the elevator obediently began to lower toward the lab. “ ** But it would not kill you to say please. ** ” Voel smirked, he was oddly pleased to hear that slight bit of sass from the AI. He didn’t know why, exactly, but it made him feel better- feeling as if nothing had changed between the two of them. 

“Yeah  yeah , I just need him to work this stupid thing.” Voel showed CB the phone. “How does  Zim use it?” 

“ ** Well, the claws get in the way for him too; at first I just pressed the buttons he wants and let him think he was helping. Now he had gotten the hang of it, you have to be at a  ** ** certain ** ** angle, but I can’t imagine it is easy for you with your hands being so... ** ” 

“Beautiful?” 

“ ** I was going to say: uncomfortably long. I thought you  ** ** Tallests ** ** had your claws and thumbs removed as part of  ** ** the ** ** initiation.. ** .”

“Typically, yes. But Therron weaseled our way out of it.” Voel waved the question away. The elevator reached the lab and he saw  Zim working on CB of all things. (At least Voel assumed the large mass of wires in the center was CB.  Zim had his goggles over his face wires sparking as he was focused on his task, antennae flat against his head. The flickering of the lights and the glare of the goggles made it hard to read  Zim’s expression- but he looked to be deep in concentration. 

“CB you should have just told me something was wrong,”  Zim was speaking to the wires before him. “I could have been working on these fixes ages ago. I can even do updates! How do you feel about being able to run at three times your original speed? Great right?” 

“Hey  Zim ,” Voel almost hated to interrupt, watching the smaller  Irken work was... rare. He had not seen him so  focused since school. 

“Not now CB.” 

“ ** That was not me, father. That was Voel. How.. ** .” CB spoke up sounding confused. “ ** How did you even get our voices confused? We sound nothing alike. ** ” 

It was true. They really didn’t- but as Voel knew from experience,  Zim was incredibly hard of hearing. You had to rely more on his tremor sense (which was actually quite exceptional) if you wanted to get his attention. 

Zim turned finally, lifting up at the goggles and blinking at Voel. “Oh. It is you.” He didn’t sound particular happy or unhappy, just as if he were stating fact. “What do you need? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Yeah, but I’m having trouble with the... ‘phone?’” He wasn’t entirely sure of the name of the device, but  Zim seemed to know what he meant. 

“Not surprising. The technology is not as good as our own.”  Zim held out his hand. “Give it here, I’m a master at these rudimentary communications systems.” Voel smirked at bit a  Zim’s confidence as he surrendered his buzzing phone.  Zim took off one of his work  gloves , tilted the little black box, and swiped at the screen and the buzzing stopped. 

“What did you do?” Voel looked impressed. 

“Nothing.”  Zim squinted at the screen. “Obviously the caller was so  intimidated by  Zim’s amazingness they hung up.”

“ ** Sir, there are visitors at the door. One of them is Dib. He brought the  ** ** Kryptonian ** ** with him. Shall I let them in? ** ” A screen came down from the  ceiling , displaying the image of Dib and Lor at the front door. They were not dressed, however, in their Syndicate uniforms; which was a little unusual. Voel tilted his head looking at the screen. Dib was in all black. Which seemed typical, but it was a long coat with tails, fine clothing, with buttons down the front. It looked far more tailored than his usual outfit. There seemed to be some sort of corpse slew over his shoulder that looked partially decayed. Beside him the  Kryptonian was just dressed in a nice, all black attire with a white shirt, tie around the neck, and dark glasses over his eyes.  Zim took one look at the screen and made a noise of supreme discontent as he dropped the tools in his hand. 

“Is it that time of year all ready? No  no ,  Zim will get the door CB. You go make sure GIR doesn’t get out.”  Zim took off his other thick, leathery glove and pushed the goggles up to his head. He headed to the elevator and Voel hurried after him- not wanting to be without  Zim in case the phone began buzzing angrily at him once more. 

“So... why does your human look like that.” 

“Because he’s stupid and this time of year it becomes more evident.”  Zim retorted looking rather annoyed. They reached the top floor and  Zim marched straight to the door. He flung it open, not bothering with the disguise much to Voel’s horror. 

“Hey  Zim .” Dib smirked. The rotted corpse on his shoulder stirred, the crooked head lurched up and a bony arm reached out toward the  Irken . Voel immediately drew out his PAK legs but  Zim didn’t even flinch as the decaying hand swiped just shy of his face and went limp again. Dib blinked seeing the complete lack of a reaction. “Oh, come on, you have to admit it’s pretty cool. I’ve been working on it for months.” 

“I thought your extra arms from last year were bad.”  Zim scoffed. “This holiday is weird- SO VERY WEIRD DIB STINK!” 

“You love it.” 

‘SILENCE YOUR LIES HUMAN FILTH!”  Zim pointed dramatically in Dib’s direction and the zombified corpse on his  shoulder grabbed  Zim’s finger making the  Irken shudder. 

“Trick or Treat!” Lor helpfully added as the undead (Voel realized now, it was actually a robot) corpse released  Zim , Lor handed the smaller a red and white stripped hooked piece of food. “And happy New Year.” He looked over to Dib. “Did I do it right?” 

“You did...” Dib was faltering under Lor’s excited gaze, “...better?” 

“I’ve been here for two years and your Holidays still get me. There are just too many, how do you keep them all straight?” Lor sighed. 

“This... is a Holiday?” Voel perked up. 

“A stupid one. But they’re all stupid honestly.”  Zim shrugged. 

"But why do you look like that?" Voel was clearly missing something and he didn't like it. "Is it because of the holiday?"

"No, he is always ugly."  Zim replied, looking Dib up and down.

"True, but the outfit and the robot are new." Voel spoke over Dib's rather loud protests. "Is CB making it move like that?"

"No. This operates independently." Dib looked pleased with himself. "I control it with neural relays, hooked it directly into my brain.” Dib sounded rather pleased with himself. “It had no AI at all. I invented it myself.” 

“It’s lame, just like this whole  holiday .”  Zim retorted snidely. 

“You love it.” Dib teased him. “Remember last year? You and GIR covered the entire neighborhood in toilet paper? That was fucking awesome. You’re just mad,” He knelt down to be more on level with  Zim , “because you forgot again, didn’t  you? ” 

“NO!  Zim did not forget! It is DIB who forgot!”  Zim retorted with the utmost indignation. “ Zim has a costume! An amazing one!”

“Why are you dressing up though?” Voel was still confused. 

“It’s part of the Halloween spirit,” Dib’s explanation was really more of a vague statement. “You get dressed up in costumes- try to be terrifying.” He waved his fingers dramatically. “I’m an undertaker.” He gestured at his own outfit. “I’ve been wearing this all day, freaking the hell out of people. You should have seen Lor this morning.” 

“I broke the wall.” Lor confirmed. 

“The Captain tried to punch me.” Dib sounded pleased with this. 

“You’re not even that scary...” Voel replied pointedly. “You probably are just startling people with your moving dead thing. And you...” he looked at Lor, “you don’t look any different...” 

“Oh, yeah,” Lor looked down at himself. “I’m wearing a suit. Like the alien hunters from Diego’s horror movies. They were cool.” 

“I keep telling you, Lor, it wasn’t a horror movie...” Dib rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Anyway. The point is to be scary. Kids go out and get candy and stuff, but for adults it’s an excuse to do stuff like this.” Voel gave Dib the once  over, looking unconvinced. 

“I could be way scarier than that. I want to make a costume.” Voel could do far better than a robotic human corpse. There were  Irken outfits that could put real terror in the hearts of these idiot humans. He needed a bit of time to get something together. 

“You can do that, but first, you have to report to Captain Rose.” Lor cut of Voel’s train of thought. “You are being called in for your community service.”

“My  _ what _ ?” Viel reeled back a bit. 

“Community service? You guys are still technically war criminals who attacked a peaceful Syndicate vessel.” Lor crossed his arms over his chest. Voel had to admit that nicely  tailored outfit did seem to give the doctor a tad bit more authority. 

“Yeah but that wasn’t our fault.” Voel pointed out. 

“Rules are rules. I don’t make them.” Lor shrugged. “But since you guys are  Irken these tasks won’t take you all that long. You can still come up with a costume in time for the Halloween Egg hunt!” Voel saw Dib give a long sigh, shaking his head. 

“No. No egg hunt.” 

“Right, there is no egg hunt but there is still a party tonight. Think of it as a show of good will between the Syndicate and the Empire.” Lor smiled, seemingly un-phased by his constant mistakes in regards to this Earth holiday. “But you'll need to  get Therron .” 

“ Oh I plan on it. I’m not doing this alone.” He really didn’t feel like he should be doing this at all but if his hand was going to be forced- then  Mothra herself could not stop him from dragging Therron into this too. Physical labor? For the Syndicate of all people? He was supposed to be leading armies, not doing petty chores. Still... it was best not to piss off their only intergalactic allies at the moment. As frustrating as they were, the Syndicate were the only lifeline Voel and Therron had to Irk. 

Though, honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if Vero and Xia had run the planet into the ground by now. What with her unwillingness to cooperate and his unyielding laziness: if it were not for the horrors Voel had witnessed at the hands if the Control Brains, he might have had a degree of sympathy for them for having to work with those idiot elites. 

“I’ll go too.”  Zim volunteered. Voel blinked, a little surprised by the gesture.  Zim had not been quite as doting as he had been in the past, before figuring out about the fake mission. (It was better than the death sentence that should have been awaiting  Zim \- Voel had done his best to find a way round that punishment). 

“You're going to help?” Maybe, Voel thought to himself, there was still a part of that over-eager  Irken Invader deep in  Zim’s cardiac spooch. 

“Oh no. I just want to have front row seats to watching Therron do work.”  Zim’s antennae perked up and Voel sighed. “ Ooo ! I’m going to invite  Skoodge ! He’ll get a kick out of this!” And there it was:  _ Skoodge _ . Sure, the guy was a great Invader but from Voel’s perspective, it seemed  Skoodge had given up on Irk long ago. Why would someone who loved the planet the way  Zim did, constantly be seeking companionship from fucking  Skoodge ?

“You guys are free to do whatever you want. You finished your Community Service ages ago.” Lor’s response didn’t make Voel feel any better.

“Good luck making Therron do anything.” That was going to be the true point of interest for this whole ordeal. “His job was literally programmed into his PAK when we were Tallest and yet he was able to resist the ingrained urge to do any, actual work.”

“Look, dude, I’m a doctor and Diego  is a cadet. You are literally telling two people who have no power to help you. If you want a not that says you are too sick to work, I can do that. But I won’t because you are fine and that would be lying.” Lor did his best to look sympathetic. Voel knew the medic had a point. The Syndicate were almost as anal about rank as the Empire. 

“Then why were you two sent in the first place?” Voel had a decent idea as to the reason even before he finished asking the  question . 

“Super strength.” Lor replied flatly. 

“Ah, that makes sense.” He could have figured that out if he were thinking more clearly. Honestly, the stuff with CB was still weighing on him, despite his rest. Doing some mindless Syndicate work might actually prove to be beneficial in this one instance. “I’ll go ahead and meet your Captain at the Syndicate base.” He tapped his gauntlet and his human disguise flickered up. “I will let all of you  handle getting Therron there.”

“How are you going to get there?” Dib looked skeptically at the ex-Tallest

“I can walk it. Honestly, the base isn’t that far and I could use the exercise.” He had become more accustomed to walking on his own feet rather than rust relying on the hover belts to get around. It was actually nice to exercise again. His little battle with CB in the main power room had been fun, but it had alerted him to the fact that he was grossly out of practice with his combat. Being Tallest had made him soft. 

“How do we know you won’t run?” Dib arched an eyebrow, crossing his arms, looking suspiciously at the former leader. Voel just gave him a  blank look. 

“And go where,  genius ?” 

“I dunno, run for it? Go into hiding?” Dib shrugged. 

“If I run Captain Krypton over there is just going to catch me. If I hide in the base, which is the only place capable of hiding me from Syndicate search and rescue probes, CB would out me in a second. So, again: Where would I fucking go?”

“ ** That is true. I would sell him out for a single corn chip and I do not even eat. ** ” The house replied helpfully. Voel might have imagined it, but there seemed to be an almost fondness in the AI’s  synthetic voice. 

“He’s got a point.” Lor nudged Dib and the human relaxed his stance. “Let him walk it. It’ll take us that long to get Therron.”

“Thank you.” And with that, Voel began his walk to the secret, Syndicate base. It was a little interesting that these two vastly different cultures had developed similar ‘secret-underground-base- technology, though the Syndicate had generators of their own creation verses the  Irken technology’s need to leech off of already existing energy sources. 

Also, annoyingly enough, the syndicate bases were bigger. Though that could be because they were meant to house an entire team verses the  Irken base built just for an Invader. After all it took a group of Syndicate to accomplish a task easily done by just a single Irken. 

When Voel made it onto the campus, he was a bit surprised to see the Captain standing out in the open, her disguise off, idly chatting with some humans that had been passing by. She looked up, as Voel walled over (even in his human disguise, his height was turning heads). "You made it. I have to say I was  decently convinced you would run off." She looked bemused by his appearance. 

"I have nowhere to go." His reply was simple, but to the point. 

"That is true." She turned to the people beside her. "All right kids I will see you all in class Monday. You better have those reports ready."

"Sure thing Dr. Rosenberg." It seemed that Allison Rose had not altered much about her name. "And great elf costume! You look fucking awesome." The  humans walked off, leaving Captain Rose shaking her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Every fucking year they think I'm an elf. I don't get it! What about my blue skin and clearly Tangean lineage makes them see an elf!?"

"I don't know what an elf is...so... I am not going to be much help..." Voel was fairly sure she wasn't talking to him, but he responded anyway.

"I had to look it up but I still don't get it. I also sometimes get called a smurf but that is just rude."

"I don't know what that is either." Voel replied dryly.

"It's an Earth pop-culture thing. You get to learn that stuff pretty quickly here. Now," Captain Rose straightened herself up. "I see you are here but where is your other half?"

"Other h... Therron?"

"Yeah I am not used to seeing just one of you."

"We are individuals, you  know that right? With our own thoughts and feelings?" It never used to bother him, being lumped together with Therron (well okay actually it had bothered him a lot on the Massive- but they shared a title so it was expected) but on Earth he was not Tallest Red. He was Voel. And at first, it was frustrating being back  at square one, before all the power and glory. But on the other hand, it was nice getting to start over.

"True, but aren't you bonded?"

"Only politically. " Voel shot that down fast.

"Huh..." the Captain seemed genuinely surprised by that. 

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" The shouting was loud enough that Voel could hear Therron far before he saw him. 

"Speaking of tall, purple, and loud..." the Captain mused as Voel's ocular implants  joined in on Therron being pushed out of a car by Dib and Lor who were forcibly having to half-carry him toward the Captain. All the while  Zim and  Skoodge were following along eating popcorn from a little bag. Both of them, for some unknown reason, were wearing brightly colored shirts with floral patterns. 

"UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT!" Therron was no match for  thr medic's strength and was easily brought to stand beside Voel. "Voel thank  Mothra you are here!" Therron brought his hands to either side if Voel's armor, shaking him. "THESE HEATHENS expect us to do manual labor!!! US!" 

"Well," Voel replied coolly as he pushed Therron's hands off of him, "that's probably because you authorized a kill command on them back on the Massive."

"I didn't know that's what the stupid command did!" Therron protested, indignantly. "I thought it was just some kind of security protocol!"

"Then be more thorough. " Voel wiped himself off.

"I regret saving you." Therron retorted.

"You don't mean that." Voel was slightly amused by his companion's completely and utter outrage. 

"Yes I do. I mean that a lot!" 

"Okay you two let's get down to business." Captain Rose interrupted the little spat between the two disgraced leaders. "I need you both to clean the GST Nova. Repairs are finally finished and she needs a good scrubbing." The Captain gestured for the  Irkens to follow her as they approached the secret, Syndicate, underground base. "You know how to clean, don't you?"

"Clean!?" Therron  looked like he was ready to pass out. "This has to be a joke! Don't you have robots or short people who can handle these menial tasks!? We are the  Tallests ! We don't clean! People clean for us and they are happy to do so because we are so amazing!" 

"So... you don't know how... or are you just being dramatic..." the Captain looked to Voel for some sort of answer, seeing as how Therron was completely melting down. 

"We know how. He just doesn't want to. We were Elites before we were Tallests. We cleaned those barracks till they shined." Well... Therron might not have done much of it... now that Voel was thinking back on those days. He vaguely recalled Therron vanishing during cleaning sessions and some bright-eyed Irken eagerly doing Therron's share of the work.

"You can't agree to this Voel! What would Irkens say of they say us- they're all mighty leaders- scrubbing floors like Table Drones!" Again, Therron had grabbed to Voel and was violently shaking him.

"Well there are some Irkens right here," Captain Rose gestured to Skoodge and Zim who were watching the exchange with interest. "You can ask them."

"This is the greatest moment of Zim's life." Zim's response left Therron open mouthed, and at a loss.

"I want pictures of this to commemorate this monumental occasion." Skoodge confirmed as they made their way to the docking area where the Nova was now parked on the lowest deck. It was a bit impressive that the Syndicate had all of the stored away beneath a human educational facility and had been completely unnoticed. Though, Voel was not sure if that was a testament to Syndicate skill or just human obliviousness. 

"Maybe Zeke can do an article about it." Zim suggested through a mouthful of crunchy kernels. 

"You bet I am, pally. " Everyone jumped as Zeke clambered out from underneath one of the Syndicate Maintenance Drone. "I have a title for it and everything: Cleaning up Their Acts: Tallests Try to Mend Devastated Syndicate Alliance." 

"First of all: That title is dumb." Therron was quickly over the shock of the tiny reporter appearing out of nowhere and was ready to once more fight for his dignity. "Secondly: our alliance with the Syndicate is fine! Just ask them!" He gestured to Captain Rose who made a very uncomfortable expression.

"Yeah actually? It isn't super great right now because you tried to kill us? I mean we know why, but it still looks bad. That's why we're doing this!"

"But this isn't the work of  Tallers !" Therron's  complaints had turned, now, to full-out whining.

"C'mon Therron, this is making nice with foreign dignitaries. You love this schmoozing shit." Voel tried to cheer him up, with little success. "It's where you flourish."

"No! I flourish at elegant banquets when I am talking fat headed  Gloobians into a treaty that makes them totally reliant on the Empire. This is not a fine  gala , Voel! These are not high-ranking aristocrats!"  Again Therron gestured aggressively at the members of the Syndicate who were now gathering around out of interest.

"Well actually," Dib spoke up, a smirk on his face as he nudged the  medic forward. "Lor here is the son of the Chairman of the High Council. " 

"Wait, really?" That got Therron's attention. "You know, Lor, that uniform makes you look very academic. You can just tell you're a great medic."

"That explains why the Syndicate got so pissed at us." Voel nodded thoughtfully. This was starting to add up. They had almost murdered the son of a Syndicate leader. No wonder everyone was so mad at them.

"Ship. Clean it. Now." Captain Rose seemingly had enough of the back and forth as she snapped and the ship door opened revealing lots of cleaning supplies from lasers for cleaning the oil off the warp filters, to just simple mops and brooms. "And don't worry about the water. It is Syndicate filtered water, not the stuff from Earth so it shouldn't hurt your sensitive Irken skin." 

"No  no no no no ! Don't leave us come on!" Therron tried to go after her but the Captain, the medic, and the human cadet all vanished out of the landing area as quickly as they could.  Zim and  Skoodge set up a pair of folding chairs and sat down on them, reclining back with their snacks. Zeke was sitting on the floor beside  Skoodge , with a little recording device out. Voel shrugged and grabbed one of the mops, beginning to clean the floors as Therron paced around him. "They left us here!" He picked up one of the brooms looking as if it were about to bite him in his face. "They left us here with this... strange, alien equipment!" 

"It's a broom, Therron. You know what a broom is." Voel replied flatly.

"He does? Well that is news to everyone." Skoodge piped up from his comfortable little set up, off to the side with Zim, watching the Tallers suffer.

"You know," Voel continued to mop, "you three could help us."

"No." Zeke replied instantly. "I'm working."

"Yeah,"  Zim added. "And you can see by our shirts," he gestured to the brightly colored collared shirts he and  Skoodge had slid over their uniforms. "We are on vacation."

Voel narrowed his eyes. "Mothra damn it". He had to admit, those shirts definitely indicated a vacation.

"We are your  Tallests ! You should be stumbling over yourselves in an effort to help!!" Therron drew himself up to his full height as Voel  stood beside him,  mopping up what looked to be dust old enough to had witnessed the reign of Tallest Miyuki. 

"Hey wait a second..."  Skoodge was squinting hard at the two as they stood next to one another in the ship. "Wait... Voel are you taller than Therron!?" Voel  blinked looking to see they had both discarded the  hover belts . (It was strange seeing Therron walking as he had always loved to hover- though the damn thing probably wore out due to the strain of Earth's gravity.)

"N-no!" Therron reeled  back looking as if he had been struck across the face. He tried to straighten himself up even more. "That isn't true! That is just some Zeke-created conspiracy shit!"

"Yeah I'm taller." Voel cut off Therron in the middle of his rant. "But it wasn't until after we were initiated as  Tallests that I grew the extra few centimeters. We just look the same height because I slouch and  Zim helped create leg extenders for Therron."  Skoodge slowly turned, looking at  Zim who was sipping at a brightly colored drink wearing a large floppy hat. (Where did he get that hat? Had he brought it in? Voel hadn't seen him carrying it, but then again, he hadn't seen either  Zim or  Skoodge carrying the folding chairs.)

"You knew?" Skoodge had an incredulous expression. "You knew about this and never said anything?"

"Eh,  Zim's brilliance knows no bounds. Tricking a  population because Therron is inadequate is just one of my many talents. One of the others is secret keeping."  Zim replied coolly. 

"You're terrible with secrets. "Skoodge gave  Zim a look.

" No, I am amazing with them. Just like I never told anyone that Zeke is afraid of Traffic Cones."

"W... what?" Zeke blinked looking more confused than anything else. "I don't even know what those are..."

"Shhhh it's okay Zeke. There are many strange fears you have that you can be ashamed of. This is only one of them."

"But I have no idea what you're talking about..." Zeke pressed. "Wait? Do you mean  Trifuulian-coahns ? The incredibly vicious monsters on Trifore-9 that have eighteen rows of teeth? Yeah I told you they freak me put because one of them once tried to eat a ship I was in "

"It's okay Zeke, we all have strange fears." Zim patted the tiny journalist on the head, Zeke looking highly annoyed. 

"Oh that would be a good costume..." Skoodge looked thoughtful. 

"Right! Costumes! Zim almost forgot!" Zim hopped up on the little folding chair, excitedly. "We should go work on those!"

"So you are just going to leave us here!?" Therron looked aghast by the very thought.

"Yep!" Zim grabbed his little chair.

"I'm not." Zeke replied helpfully. 

"You are two feet tall you don't count." Therron informed him. Voel just sighed watching the others leave. Therron was still holding the broom but he had yet to actually use it. Zim and Skoodge had packed up their things and were heading toward the exit. Therron was shouting after them. "Get back here you traitors!" 

"No!"  Skoodge called back waving  cheerfully as they left the docking area. Therron let out a long breath.

"Great! They're gone." 

"Why is that great? I thought you were mad at them for leaving." Voel retorted as Therron's purple eyes narrowed and her surveyed the area in question.

"I was faking it, duh. If I had tried to get them out they would have stayed forever." He dropped the broom, looking outside of the parked ship.

"Are you going to run for it?" Voel lifted one antenna questioningly.

"I thought about it," Therron admitted, "but so long as they have that  Kryptonian around, I won't get far. No  no , this requires finesse and inside knowledge. This is the Syndicate after all." He seemed to be looking for something in particular. Voel thought about pressuring him to help; but he realized quickly that was losing battle. Therron stayed perched at the door for quite some time before finally straightening up and marching right out. Zeke had finally taken his leave, talking excitedly about a story (but Voel  wasn't listening). 

"Therron?" Voel called after him but his summons was drowned out by an overly enthusiastic greeting from his companion. 

"Why if it isn't my favorite great Invader!" Therron could not have laid on his act any thicker. 

"I thought you didn't know my name?" When Voel heard Tak's voice reply, he instantly realized the plan. 

Classic Therron. 

He was almost impressed.

"Tak, please, of course we know you. You are a thing of legend between my co-ruler and I." Therron was guiding Tak toward the ship. "We just pretended not to know you so that we wouldn't embarrass Tenn or Skoodge. They have such fragile egos, you know."

"No, that's true..." Tak was nodding along, completely under Therron's spell. 

"So Voel and I came here with a special mission from your Captain; Captain Nova."

"Captain Rose?" Tak tilted her head looking confused. "The ship is called the Nova."

"Ah yes. Good." Therron wasn't missing a beat. "I was testing you. You see the Captain and I have all these code names for one another. I am pretty sure she's in love with me- but that's a story for another day."

"I think she's actually married-" Tak was cut off as Therron continued.

" So when we were given this  top-secret task I had just the  Irken in mind to assign it to. At first, I thought Tenn, she is so loyal and strong-"

"I am far  more loyal and stronger than Tenn!" Tak protest, her antennae lying flat.

"And then I thought... no... Tenn doesn't have that special touch. She isn't as dedicated as Tak." Therron was a master of words. Voel could admit that. He had once seen Therron smooth talk a Palchuuk Emperor out of their own planet.

"Sir I would be honored to assist you! What is it you need!?" Tak stood at perfect attention. Voel thought about blowing the cover here, and revealing Therron's little sham... but he also really wanted to work on a good costume. 

"I dropped my one-of-a-kind snack Pinn from  Scromp-Chompers and this ship is so filthy I cannot find it anywhere!" Therron draped one arms  across his forehead, swooning dramatically. "I have been so distraught that even Voel picked up a broom, lowering himself to cleaning duties like some sort of pawn just to try to calm me!" Therron made a move as if to faint and Voel tossed the mop aside to catch him so he could give a proper, pitiful pose. 

"It's true. He loved that pin." Voel nodded, stone faced. 

"I will find that pin sirs! I shall not rest until it has been  discovered beneath this... this Syndicate dirt and grime!" Tak grabbed the mop Voel had dropped and began to vigorously tidy up. Voel watcher her for a moment before helping Therron back to his feet.

"You are good, I gotta admit it." Voel spoke as soon as he and Therron were off to the side.

"Worked every time during training." Therron smirked.

"You never change." Voel was now able to dedicate himself to getting a really good costume. So while Tak dedicated herself to their community service, Therron and Voel got to work on costumes, courtesy of whatever the Syndicate had available. When combine with Irken ingenuity, things were coming together nicely.

:"I am almost done with the outfit..." Therron was vigorously cutting at black cloth. Voel saw him look over to his own creation. "Woah, that helmet looks just like Rodan!"

"Good, that us my costume." It was perfect in every way. What was scarier than one of the Irken Gods of War. 

"Rodan? Not Ghidora?" Therron looked confused. "But Ghidora represents conquest. "

"But Rodan represents righteous fury. I have always thought he was the most proud and strong of  the Gods-  aside from  Mothra , of course."

"Well yeah, no one is better than Mothra. She is Irk's guiding light. It is under her blessing we rose to Tallest."

"I never thought you were a strong believer in Mothra." Voel was a little surprised to hear the lavish praise of their Goddess from Therron of all Irkens.

"Of course I am. She stands for beauty and elegance. I am practically her walking image!" Voel squinted as Therron struck a pose. Mothra was described as tall, Therron did have that going for him. She was alleged to be beautiful, thin framed, pale as the moonlight with sweeping antennae and wings, large luminescent wings that glowed in the darkness. 

"Sure...." he dragged the word out to emphasize his disagreement. Therron either missed the sarcasm, or was intentionally ignoring it.

"I know we are practically identical. "

Are you two seriously making First Officer Tak do your duties!?" Lor was suddenly standing in the doorway looking quite annoyed. Voel wasn't sure how long he had been there. "Sorry for not believing you Q."

"Is that how you found out?" Therron made a face as Q stepped out from behind Lor grinning from one side of his pallid face to the other, revealing rows of needle like teeth. It made perfect sense why they hadn't noticed Q spying on them. Parasites were nearly undetectable by Irkens, their PAKs had difficulties obtaining readings on them. That red-eyed asshole could have been in the ship from the start.

"I am just helping my  Tallests find a pin!" Tak protested,  indignantly .

" No you're not. They tricked you. It was a Halloween Fools prank. They are very customary on Earth." Lor sighed. "Captain Rose needs you  anyway , you haven't filed logs for the past two days and you're backed up on paperwork." He gestured for Tak to leave and Voel could see her stifling her own scream. 

"I HATE the Syndicate!" She threw down her mop and was clenching her fists as she started to vacate the ship, looking full of existential dread for all the paperwork that awaited her. In a way, Voel was convinced that helping them clean was actually saving Tak from a worse fate. "I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THE SYNDICATE!"

"No you don't..." Lor smiled empathetically.

"Yes I do you idiot paperwork zombies!"

" Awe see, that's the Halloween Spirit." As Tak stormed off, Lor remained in the doorway of the ship, watching the two ex-Tallests, his arms folded, leaning against the frame of the ship. “No more slacking off, I’m here to keep an eye on you and I have X-Ray vision so don’t just think you can sneak into another room and nap.” 

“Dammit,” Therron muttered under his breath, Voel had a feeling that was his former co-ruler's exact plan. He could see Therron deep in thought, creating a new scheme to get out of their punishment. Voel surrendered himself to his fate. Tak had already done a great deal of the work and even with Therron half- assing it, there wouldn’t be too much left. 

“C’mon Therron, let’s just get this over with so we can go back to our costumes.” Voel had just learned about this holiday, but already he was convinced the  Irkens could do it better. (His only real competition for best costume was Dib and that- admittedly- impressive robot over his shoulder. But the  human had made the  amateur mistake of showing off his outfit early and giving the competition time to plan a way to best him.) 

“You’re right, you’re right.” Therron heaved a long sigh. “You know, Lor was it?” Voel rolled his eyes as he saw Therron slide his way over to the medic. “You’re the medic on this ship? I have heard you are just amazing. You use what... the Hyperion 2-X?” 

“Oh, no. The Hyperion 1-ST. I’d kill for a 2-X but we’re not made of monies and the Nova is a small ship.” Lor laughed. Therron laughed along with him. Voel gave a defeated sigh. He knew exactly where this was going. 

“The son of the Chairman hasn’t tried a Hyperion 2-X? You’re kidding. You know our Massive had the Hyperion 3X-2 which isn’t even out on the market yet.” Therron put an arm around Lor’s shoulder, having to lean in order to reach. Voel didn’t even know if this information was true or not. He doubted Therron would know if it was- but then again- Therron knew a lot about really random topics. It was one of his strong points. 

“The 3X-2!? Are you kidding!? What was it like!? How many surgery settings did it have? What color was it!?” The medic was wide eyed and Therron’s hook had sunk deep into his mark. Therron began gently guiding Lor out of the ship, still talking all the while. 

“ Oh it was amazing, let me tell you. It actually comes in four different colors. They're talking about adding a fifth color before release but that’s only rumor.” They were out of the door. “And let me say Mr. Chairman’s son you have remarkable  Kryptonian eyes. Have I ever told you about your people? I wrote a thesis on them...” and they were gone. Just like that, Voel was alone. Voel looked at the broom in his hand and then tossed it aside, going back to work on his costume. 

Fuck it, he wasn’t doing Therron’s share of the work. 

Eventually, parts of the ship began to light up as tin y  d r ones spilled out, starting to do small amounts of cleaning. Voel turned around to watch for a moment, a hint of a smile at his lips. “Did you take over the Syndicate ship?”

“ ** Negative. ** ” CB’s response was relieving (slightly). “I ** am just here visiting LEO he is the AI on this vessel. I thought I might lend a hand. ** ” 

“That’s uncharacteristically nice of you.” 

“ ** And you not trying to delete me after finding out what I am was uncharacteristically nice of you.  ** ** So, ** ** consider this my thanks. ** ” 

“I don’t know if you’re  Irken , CB, but you sure as hell don’t act like any computer I’ve ever worked with.” Voel was amused by the situation. He was still not one hundred percent sure about CB. The information he had learned was still pressing at the back of his mind. He knew he needed to discuss it with someone but  Zim was the one who created CB. It was unlikely he wanted to hear Voel’s concerns about his work. Therron would over-react. Tenn or Tak were possible options but Tak’s hatred of  Zim might get in the way and Tenn had been corrupted by the Control Brains at one point....

That left Skoodge.

For all the fat  Irken’s many, many flaws... he was level headed and a descent Invader. 

…

Mothra damn it the guy was a great Invader. Voel’s personal grudges against him couldn’t suppress that fact. The issue would be getting  Skoodge by himself to talk. 

“Hey, do you like my costume?” Voel held up the helmet he had just finished, bony horns rose up and back, deep set eye sockets on either side pulsed with  fiery light. A toothed- overarching beak extended over his head. 

“You are Rodan:  Irken God of Revenge and Fire.” 

“ So you do know your  Irken lore. Good for Zim.”

“What in the hell is going on here?” Captain Rose’s voice echoed through the ship and Voel turned to see her and Carrius walking up to the door. The robots scurried back into their housing and Voel halfheartedly reached for a broom, knowing it made minimal difference. He knew he was caught and Therron was nowhere to be found. Captain Rose looked around with visible annoyance as she surveyed the cleaning Tak had done. “Where the fuck is my medic!?” 

“He ran off with Therron a few hours ago.” Voel replied flatly. 

“Son of a...” she trailed off. “Carrius get your brother.” The Romulan nodded, running off as Captain Rose continued. “You guys might be worse at Community service than  Zim ! And that little fuck burned down the entire science wing!”

“I did, it’s true.”  Zim poked his head out under the Captain’s arm and Voel stifled a laugh.  Zim had little eyes glued to his head and red scarves that matched the design for Q’s default form. That was a clever costume.

“Well on the other hand I finished my costume for the party tonight.” Voel held up the flaming-eyed helmet and lifted a cape of earthy brown, veined with lava-like lines, pulsing with pure energy. Zim’s eyes widened. 

“Oh Rodan! If I had known I could have  been Ghidora !” 

“I like your Q outfit.”  Skoodge assured him. The former Invader had on a sweeping cape and strange little fangs. 

“What makes you think you’re going to the party? You did almost nothing I asked of you!” Captain Rose had a hand to her forehead looking exasperated. 

“Because we are foreign dignitaries,” Therron came up behind her looking smug (a very confused looking Lor beside him), “and Syndicate protocol states clearly that officially sanctioned functions cannot exclude us. Section 21-34 subsection 138c.” Captain Rose pulled out her reader and began scrolling  vigorously through it. 

“I have no idea how we were gone that long,” Lor was explaining to his brother while the Captain searched, “’we didn’t even talk about the new Hyperion models... he got to talking about one thing and we just kept going from there...”

“Holy shit, you’re right.” The Captain interrupted Lor’s explanation. “Well fuck. Get your costumes on, I guess.”

“Excellent!” Therron donned his long dark robe with a circular collar that was wider than his whole frame. There was a simple sign on the round, flat collar piece  labeled : ‘ snacks’ . “I’m an empty snack table! Horrifying right?” 

“Mine’s better.” Voel replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Holy shit!” Dib poked his head in at this point, eyes catching the moving fire-lights on Voel’s cloak and helmet. “What the hell is Voel dressed as?! That looks fucking incredible!” Voel was pleased to see his main competition was impressed. Voel donned his helmet, swirling the cape around himself, hooking it to his gauntlets to give the illusion of wings. 

“Behold, human! The War God: Rodan!” Voel’s voice boomed and the human looked appropriately impressed. “One of our very suns is named for his might! He watches over us with burning eyes and leads us in times of crisis!” 

“That’s an  Irken GOD!?” Dib was taking pictures with his stupid little phone. “I knew a little about  Mothra but you guys have others!?”

“We have several.” Therron replied clearly not as impressed by Voel’s creation. “ Mothra’s just the most important.” 

“Oh! Are we getting started?” Lor jumped up, hovering in the air for a second. “I didn’t get the Halloween Tree!” 

“Wait Lor no-” Dib tried to correct him but Lor was gone in a flash.  The Captain shook her head, heaving a long, heavy sigh. 

“At least tell me he used the door this time.” 

CRASH.

“He did not.” Carrius reported, looking in the direction of the loud crash and series of subsequent crashes. (Carrius had the same outfit as his brother, in fact, Voel now saw the Captain was wearing the outfit as well). 

“Dammit Lor...” she rubbed her eyes. She looked up as Lor came back holding a rather large tree with pointed green needles over his shoulder. The thing had to be many times the size of the medic, but he was holding it as if it were nothing more than a  couple of twigs. 

“Hey there’s an  Irken outside.” He reported,  setting the tree down in the landing bay. 

“Tenn?”  Zim questioned. 

“Nah it’s some big guy.” The  Irkens looked at one another and quickly followed Lor though the holes in the landing bay to the outer most docking area. A medium sized  Irken ship had docked and a large, hulking  Irken with large shoulder armaments, small purple eyes, and a small chef’s hat disembarked looking around. Spotting the  Tallests he looked confused. 

“I... is this a bad time?” 

“Oh no we’re doing a thing.” Voel took the helmet off. 

“Oh! Hey it’s Sizz-Lorr!”  Zim perked up. “Hey you kidnapped me that one time! Do you remember!? Hey! Hey Sizz-Lorr do you remember!?” 

“I... I do  Zim .” The  Irken looked appropriately irritated by  Zim’s bouncing and waving. 

“What brings you here?”  Zim pushed to the front. “Are you here to take me back?”

“N... no.  Zim this has nothing to do with you. I mean...  it kind of does.” Again, the  Irken just looked a little off-put by  Zim’s line of question. “No, I’m here answering the call. The one you guys sent out.” He gestured to the sky behind him as a few of (what Voel had first thought were stars) began to move, drawing closer. “And I brought some others with me.” 

* * *

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	35. The Initiation

The party was still going as planned, just with quite a few more unexpected,  Irken guests. Captain Rose was allowing everyone to celebrate out in the open, the humans on the campus seemed convinced that this was all some over-the-top event put on by the science department and were completely unphased by the curious  Irkens running around. Voel had initially been surprised at the Captain's willingness to let the new arrivals run amok, but she mentioned something about wanting to keep the Syndicate base clean and as he watched three  smallers climb up on one another to try and steal snacks from one of the young humans, resulting in spilling food all over Earth's grass, he was starting to see her point. 

"There are a lot of  Irkens here..." Voel blinked, surprised to hear  Zim speaking directly to him. He looked down, the smaller was watching a few (what looked to be  Irken accountants) clinging to the  Kryptonian medic who was placing a four leafed plant atop his Halloween Tree, not bothered at all by the extra weight.

"It doesn't look like they brought any military Irkens..." Voel replied, surveying the group. It was quite a few to be sure, but they were all cooks, cleaners, mathematicians, sales-Irkens, and the like. There didn't seem to be a medic, security, PAK-tech, elite, or even engineer in the lot.

"But they came." Zim pointed out.

"No, they did." Voel was quick to agree, he didn't mean to sound negative, but knowing what was awaiting them on Irk had him worried. "This is definitely better than having just us."

"Especially if you count Therron," Zim added, "he's like subtracting an Irken." Voel actually laughed. Zim grinned a bit, antennae perking up at the response. "I knew they would come if we got the message out! It was a good plan!"

"It was." Voel nodded. "And it was a good speech you gave. Therron usually does the talking between the two of us but he has never been the best at..." he trailed off trying to find the right words as he took a sip of weirdly sweet Earth drink.

"Not being an asshole?" Zim offered. Voel nearly spat out his drink.

"I mean yeah that sums it up." 

They stood together quietly for a moment;  Zim was watching Tenn and Zeke who had combined forces and made a costume where Zeke was the head and Tenn was the body. She would pick Zeke up and toss him at nearby  Irkens making them scurry away in fear only to excitedly realize it was all a joke. This Holiday may make it back to Irk if things went well. 

"Hey Zim," Voel looked down at the former Invader who was looking around excitedly. "Do you ever miss-"

" Oh hey Sizz-Lorr is cooking!!!!"  Zim cut him off, most likely not having heard him speaking. With all if the excitement of  Irkens running around, combined with the heavy footsteps of the humans who were obliviously enjoying the fun, Zim was probably having trouble hearing in general. 

"He is, isn't he..." Voel looked over, seeing the large Irken with his ship open and a little grill out back. The Syndicate, Irkens, and even some humans were lined up getting food. 

"I haven't had real Irken cooking since the Massive!" Zim was clearly excited. 

"Well, we could get some if you want." Voel wasn't going to lie, he missed Irken food too. Human food hurt his mouth a lot of the time. 

"Yeah! It looks like Skoodge saved me a spot in line!" Zim waved to Skoodge who was beckoning him over. Voel made a face but tried to hide it behind the mask of Rodan. 

"Of course he did." Voel cleared his throat. "Well I need to talk to Sizz-Lorr anyway, so I may just go to the front. If you don't want to wait, I can ask him to whip something up for you."

" Ohhhhh yes! I will ask  Skoodge !"  Zim hurried to the conqueror of  Blorch (who hadn't even tried that hard on a costume- in Voel's opinion) and the former leader of Irk realized he would be getting food for all three of them. It wasn't what he wanted- at all- but he still did want to talk to  Skoodge in regards to CB. So... it might not be the worst idea in the world to be nicer to him. So Voel removed the helmet sauntering past the  Irkens in line who  excitedly bowed as he walked by (the humans just looked annoyed), and approached Sizz-Lorr at the counter. The hulking  Irken turned, seeing his former leader before him and nearly dropped the food in surprise. 

"My Tallest! How can I help?" The chef bowed his head respectfully. 

"What brought you out this way? And do you have news of Irk? Our communication is limited." Voel hoped there would be some news of home. Since they had last talked to Vero, they had little knowledge of how Irk was holding up.

"Zim wants two of the special!" Zim had popped up beside Voel again, of course dragging Skoodge along with him. 

"And three of your special." Voel added (he was hungry too). 

" Yes my Tallest, right away." Sizz-Lorr began to cook. "We came when we got your message, but there is a lot happening on Irk. There has been a call for all off-world  Irkens to return for a mandatory reassigning."

That was not good.

"And you ignored the call?"

"We all did." Sizz-Lorr assured him. "Even before we got your message things had been a little strange on Foodcortia." Voel lifted an antenna, curiously. 

"Really?" This was the first news of home he had been able to find. Sure Foodcortia wasn't Irk- but it was Irken. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

_ It had been a typical day at  _ _ Shloogorgh's _ _ Flavor Monster. Nik and Nel had been fighting in the back since the shift began,  _ _ Glorch _ _ and Vox were helping keep orders flowing, and shift-manager Dav was running the register while  _ _ Gloo _ _ was on her break. Ever since the assassination of the  _ _ Tallests _ _ , things had been a little... tense in  _ _ Foodcortia _ _. The  _ _ Frylord _ _ himself was in the back, working on security measures to protect his staff from a Syndicate murder spree. They had only just re-opened after closing for a full day to mourn the  _ _ Tallests _ _. Patrons were lined up out the door, from what Dav had reported. Times like this, Sizz-Lorr almost wanted to get  _ _ Zim _ _ back- but recalling all of the damages the defect had done- it wasn't worth the effort. He had learned that lesson.  _

_ " _ _ Frylord _ _ , Sir..." Dav poked his head into the office. He was a scrawny, blue-eyed  _ _ Irken _ _ with faint facial spotting. He was taller than most of the other employees which was how he got his managerial position- but he was still only up to Sizz-Lorr's shoulder.  _

_ "Come in, Dav." Sizz-Lorr knew that the interruption had to be for a good reason. Dav was not one to cause a disturbance. He was a hard worker,  _ _ took _ _ his job very seriously (an actual employee, not a prisoner).  _

_ "There is an  _ _ Irken _ _ woman here to see you Sir... she... she is very insistent." Dav was looking a bit as if he were in shock. _

_ "This is our busy time and we're short staffed, did you tell her that?" It was a pain and a half to go see every  _ _ Irken _ _ who wanted to lodge a complaint because they didn't get enough fries or their larvae were too wriggly, or they didn't get served fast enough. If Sizz-Lorr answered to every complaint, he would never get work done. That was the whole reason he had promoted Dav.  _

_ "Y... yes sir, but um..." Dav seemed uncharacteristically tongue tied. "I think it's the Chief of Agenda." _

_ "Excuse me?" Sizz-Lorr stared blankly at his underling. He straightened his antennae- there was no way he had heard Dav correctly. _

_ "I mean... I think that's who it is. It looks like her, but I've only ever seen her on monitors." Dav had his head bowed just slightly. _

_ "I'll go see who it really is. _ _ " _ _ Sizz-Lorr got to his feet, passing Dav who followed behind rather timidly as the  _ _ Frylord _ _ made his way to the front of the restaurant. His deep-set purple eyes widened as they fell upon the slender, tall, and graceful figure standing to the side, away from the rowdy, hungry masses that were filling the lobby. She was, in a sense, the epitome of  _ _ Irken _ _ grace. Even in a crowded room full of drooling, hungry aliens from all over the universe, she looked as if she were at the most exclusive of galas. She approached the counter, shoving the oversized  _ _ Lorchunian _ _ out of her way with a gloved hand and immediately holding the same hand out to a smaller Irken who wiped it off for her. She looked Sizz-Lorr up and down. The Fry Lord was about her height, he bowed his head, removing his hat out of respect. "Chief of Agenda Symm," he spoke cautiously, still in disbelief, "what brings you here in such trying times?" _

_ " _ _ Frylord _ _ , you are being summoned." Her dark, brown eyes looked down at the bowed cook with mild interest. _

_ "Summoned, my Chief?" He repeated, a tad confounded. _

_ "Indeed. This is a glorious day for your..." she gestured at  _ _ Shloogorgh's _ _ with a graceful flick of her wrist ".... establishment..." she finished her statement with less-than-stellar  _ _ enthusiasm _ _. Sizz-Lorr could not blame her, an  _ _ Irken _ _ of that status most likely dined on hand cooked meals provided by the  _ _ Massive's _ _ top quality chefs. Sizz-Lorr was proud if his restaurant, true, but he understood that they were not elite dining. "You have been selected to cater the Tallest Initiation Ceremony at the request of Rising Tallest Vero."  _

_ "Seriously?" Sizz-Lorr blinked. He can't have just heard that sweet, feminine voice correctly.  _

_ "Trust me," she snapped and a small sheet was placed on his counter by one of her smaller staff, she leaned on the sheet, refusing to touch the actual countertop. "I would not be here if I wasn't dead serious." Her long, curled antennae arched slightly as she spoke. Sizz-Lorr was stricken, dumbfounded by what was transpiring.  _

_ "I would be thrilled." He bowed more deeply than before. To be chosen to serve at the Initiation of the Tallest was the highest honor bestowed to an  _ _ Irken _ _ eatery. It was usually a luxury reserved for only the finest in dining. He had no idea why Rising Tallest Vero had picked him, other than the fact that, as an Elite, that Irken had frequented his eatery many, many times. In fact,  _ _ one time _ _ Sizz-Loor had to send Ris out to deliver Vero a massive order of food in the dead of night. (At least it had been night in  _ _ Foodcortia _ _.) Perhaps this was Vero's way of thanking him. _

_ " _ _ Of course _ _ you are, anyone would be." Those narrowed, brown eyes scanned him up and down, as if analyzing him. Even in the unflatteringly pallid lighting if  _ _ Shloogorgh's _ _ , the blue and gold painting around her eyes was glittering. "You know," she rose back up to her full height, the small  _ _ Irkens _ _ around her gathered up the little sheet on which she had been leaning, and folded it neatly into a clear bag. "Maybe I misjudged our Rising Tallest for his choice in dining. This place is an absolute dive, don't get me wrong," she was turning to leave, stopping to look back over at him. "But you're taller than I was expecting." And with that she glided toward the exit.  _ _ Irken _ _ patrons on  _ _ Foodcortia _ _ (most likely attracted by seeing such a high up  _ _ Irken _ _ and her entourage, scrambled over each other to get the door for her.) Sizz-Lorr watched her go, only brought out of his thoughts as one of her shorter staff members cleared her throat.  _

_ " _ _ Frylord _ _ , sir," this  _ _ Irken _ _ was on the taller side,  _ _ though _ _ not nearly so tall as Symm. "You are expected to only bring your necessary staff. You report to the Massive in six cycles, come prepared to make enough food to satisfy the new  _ _ Tallests _ _ and their staff."  _

_ "That... that isn't a lot of time to get ready." Sizz-Lorr was immediately brought back to reality. "I'll have to close down or bring in the staff off-duty to run this place, and there is the matter of transport." _

_ "Transport for you, your staff, and your equipment is provided." The  _ _ Irken _ _ handed him red button. "Pressing this will beam up everything and everyone in your current room, so only press it when you are ready. As for this place, I  _ _ suggest _ _ closing it for the time being. What you  _ _ make _ _ by keeping it open will be nothing compared to what you will be making serving our new, future  _ _ Tallests _ _." _

_ The  _ _ Irken _ _ woman was right, the pay for serving the Initiation would blow a years' worth of profits out of the water. "DAV!" Sizz-Lorr whirled around nearly crashing into his manager. "Oh good, you're here. Gather our top cooks and prep-workers! We are heading to the Massive! Have Nel close us down. I need to pack!" _

_ And pack he did. He went through all if his past orders, trying to figure out what foods Vero liked the most based on his previous visits to Shloogorgh's. It was easier said than done, however, as it seemed Vero had tried just about every menu item at least once. That put him at a disadvantage, but it was better to over pack and over prepare than to risk the Tallest running out of food. So he just gathered everything in his storage and got his cooks all together in the room with his portable  _ _ equipment. _ _ He pressed the button and they were taken to the Massive. (He had made it with time to spare!) _

_ He was met by Elite guards, those that personally served the  _ _ Tallests _ _ and they showed him where he would be cooking. Sizz-Lorr and his cooks had never really seen the Massive up close and had to take a moment to drink in the sheer power of the vessel. Towering ceilings, floors of glimmering metal, wires running through the walls humming with raw energy, all around surrounded by the best that Irk had to offer- best Navigators, best Medics, best Cleaners, best Security... it was a mystery: seeing all of these top-notch  _ _ Irkens _ _ , how did those Syndicate Monsters slip in and murder  _ _ Tallests _ _ Red and Purple? _

_ Sizz-Lorr was properly set up, food was  _ _ beginning _ _ to cook, his staff had finally shaken themselves of the awe of the  _ _ Massive _ _ and were hard at work. He was in the middle of refining his menu when he heard voices, the door opened and again Symm was before him.  _

_ "Wiggle your antennae in respect for your Rising  _ _ Tallests _ _ : Xia and Vero." Her voice filled the room, commanding attention in the way his own voice would during the  _ _ foodening _ _.  _

_ "Nice, you got Sizz-Lorr." Vero strolled in looking as if he had just woken up, Xia stood beside him, tall and well put together. There was a rumor that these two were related somehow to Tallest Red, and as Xia's square, crimson eyes narrowed as she surveyed the food, and her upper lip curled into a scowl, Sizz-Lorr could see how these rumors had been started. _

_ "Really Vero? This is what you want to eat?" She looked far from pleased. _

_ "You got to pick tonight's decor; I got to pick the food." _

_ "You can have any of our master chefs on the Massive prepare you a feast of the rarest meats in the universe.... and you order fast food." _

_ "Fuck you. I like fast food." Vero took one of the samples from his plate and popped it in his mouth. "You're jus' ah foo' snob." He replied as he chewed on the rather large meat patty he had shoved in his mouth. _

_ "I am not a food snob." Xia  _ _ looked _ _ thoroughly disgusted as she wiped flecks of food from her cheek. "And close your moth you disgusting  _ _ Blortian _ _ Rat."  _

_ " _ _ Tryyyyy _ _ some~" Vero picked up another sample and began trying to actively shove it in his companion's mouth. Xia had had just about enough as she grabbed him by his outstretched arm and flipped him over her shoulder, onto the ground, being sure to step on him as she walked past to look at the rest of the food. _

_ "Is this all you have?" She didn't sound impressed. _

_ "Was there something you wished for us to add, Rising Tallest Xia?" Sizz-Lorr bowed his head as the  _ _ Irken _ _ woman scanned over the array of food he had set forth. She finally chose to eat a small sample of Sizz-Lorr's take on a classic, very traditional  _ _ Irken _ _ dish only served at the finest of occasions. She blinked, surprised as she swallowed her food.  _

_ "This. More of this. It is very good, shockingly." She looked him up and down, very clearly sizing him up. "You are planning to dress nicer tonight, I assume?"  _

_ "Oh um..." he had not been, "yes, or course." _

_ "Excellent, then begrudgingly I will approve this menu. Come along Vero!" She stepped back over Vero who was still lying on the floor blindly grabbing food from the table above him and eating it. _

_ "Okay." He stood back up, brushing himself off. "Hey,  _ _ Xixi _ _ -" _

_ "Don't call me that Vero," her response was very sharp. _

_ "Yeah, kay." He didn't seem to take her threatening tone seriously which was surprising given how she had just thrown him. "Do you think there really is a video of Tallest Red and Purple still alive?" Xia straightened up instantly grabbing her future co-ruler by the shoulders and covering his mouth, dragging him out of the room. _

_ Sizz-Lorr hated to admit it but his curiosity was peaked. Video? The  _ _ Tallests _ _ alive? It sounded like a bad Zeke article, in his mind, but some of his younger employees were into that Zeke stuff. _

_ "Back to work everyone. " True or not, though, it was really none of his  _ _ business _ _. His only real concern should be serving the new  _ _ Tallests _ _ a meal they would not soon forget. He could hear a bit of whispering, stirred up by Vero's comment, but he let it slide. So long as everyone was hard at work, it didn't matter what was said. _

_ As time passed and the Initiation drew ever closer, he noticed his employees grouping up, talking in hushed whispers. This was the issue with the younger  _ _ Irkens _ _ , they still had not fully accepted their coding and would let themselves be distracted by petty gossip. Sizz-Lorr walked over, pulling apart Nel and Max who had been huddled together looking at something on a screen. He thought he  _ _ could _ _ hear  _ _ Zim's _ _ voice- but he chalked it up to a stress-induced hallucination. "Break it up, you both have work to finish."  _ _ Max, _ _ he expected this from, but Nel was usually more hard working.  _

_ "Sir?" Nel spoke, her voice sounded unsure. "You may need to see this video. Zeke posted it-" _

_ "I'll look later." Sizz-Lorr didn't actually give a fuck about Zeke but he would watch to make his employees happy. The only videos he actually enjoyed were the funny animal ones.  _

_ "This is important!" Max tried to argue but Sizz-Lor easily lifted the tiny, blue eyed  _ _ Irken _ _ by his uniform and dropped him back in front of his station. _

_ "Later." _

_ "It doesn't matter," he  _ _ heard _ _ Nik in the background speaking in a hushed voice. "It's been taken down everywhere." This was not Sizz-Lorr's  _ _ business _ _ and he still had a feast to prepare.  _

_ Soon the time of the  _ _ Tallest’s _ _ Initiation was upon them. Sizz-Lorr attempted to obey the orders of Rising Tallest Xia and dress up his employees a little more. He had everyone (himself included) wear tiny bowties at the center neck of their uniform. It was the best he could do under such short notice. He was arranging the last bit of food when Symm waltzed in, followed by several members of the  _ _ Irken _ _ media. Sizz-Lorr tried his best to step aside as she addressed the crowd. “The official ceremony with the Control Brains will be on Irk proper, of course, but due to the severity of the situation,” the way she spoke had every eye on her, “we are doing the formal broadcast while still on the Massive. We’d love to leave the Tallest promotion to the  _ _ Massive’s _ _ Control Brain, but law dictates there must be at least three  _ _ present _ _ for a Tallest to be coded. With two Tallests- well the only place we’ll find that many is Irk. But for right now the Irken masses need a leader- or two as the case may be. And I, Symm, will remain Secretary of Agenda, your connection to your new  _ _ Tallests _ _.”  _

_ “What do you have to say in regards to accusations that you make appointments difficult on purpose so that you don’t have to let anyone back?” One of the  _ _ Irken _ _ reporters held a microphone forward. Symm simply smiled.  _

_ “I’m just following orders, most times. Maybe things will be different with new  _ _ Tallests _ _. Tallest Purple had a way of making meetings difficult.”  _

_ “Madam Chief! Madam Chief! Do you have any comment on the video of Tallest Red and Purple, still alive, that was  _ _ allegedly _ _ leaked by Zeke?” The reporters were clambering over one another in an effort to get good images of her.  _

_ “I’m afraid there is no official comment at this time. Now please, talk of that sort of thing will be forbidden. This ceremony is sacred- it will not be tarnished with hearsay. If you will all step aside,” she placed a delicate hand to the side of her cheek, “I've received word that Dae has boarded the Massive.” At once a hush fell over the room. Symm walked back toward the doors, the  _ _ Irkens _ _ parting like water around her as she waved her arm, the doors sliding open at her command. The reporters meandered over toward Sizz-Lorr and his cooks, but were ushered away (food was for the Tallest first- then others could eat). Through the parted doors, walked in an  _ _ Irken _ _ of pale white (even her antennae lacked color), clad in robes the color of the moons of Irk. Her head was adorned with elegant silvery ropes of metal. Her pale blue eyes and face hidden behind a sheer veil. She was tall, though not as much as Sizz-Lorr or Symm, she was still looming. “ _ _ Mothra _ _ Elite Dae,” it was quiet enough you could hear a crumb drop, “we are honored to have you aboard.”  _

_ “The honor is mine.” Her voice was calm, serene. Sizz-Lorr had only heard of Dae, one of the few  _ _ Mothra _ _ Elite known by name. She lived in the Temples of  _ _ Mothra _ _ deep within the wilds of Irk.  _ _ Mothra’s _ _ chosen were extremely reclusive, never venturing into the city. So, to see one, was something even an  _ _ Irken _ _ of Sizz-Lorr's age had not born witness to. “When you are ready, I will begin the Tallest Ceremony.” As she moved toward the center of the room, Sizz-Lorr could see sheer fabric draped across the back of her snow-colored outfit, giving the illusion of wings.  _

_ “Fetch our Rising  _ _ Tallests _ _.” Symm instructed one of her many staff and they hurried away, returning shortly with the Rising Tallest in tow. They walked through the crowd, Xia with her head held high taking the lead with Vero strolling along behind her. Both approached Dae with heads bowed. All cameras were on the  _ _ future _ _ leaders of Irk.  _

_ “Xia and Vero, sadness has befallen our beloved planet with the untimely deaths of our late  _ _ Tallests _ _ : Red and Purple.” Dae spoke, her voice resonating through the room. “However, in this time of darkness, we need you to be our light- like  _ _ Mothra _ _ guided our forefathers through the freezing recesses of  _ _ space _ _ \- you must guide our people through this time of trial. Do you accept your duties? Do you promise to serve our planet and our people? Do you promise to bring glory onto Irk?” _

_ “We do.” The two spoke in perfect unison. It seemed as if even Vero with his lackadaisical attitude was taking the ceremony seriously.  _

_ “We need you now more than ever, children of Irk. May you stand tall and guide us to prosperity.” Dae placed a hand on each of their shoulders. No one moved, no one dared even twitch an antenna as Dae knelt before the two tall  _ _ Irkens _ _. “Rise my  _ _ Tallests _ _. Shine your light across this universe. We need you now more than ever. Be strong as  _ _ Ghidora _ _ , fight with the  _ _ righteous _ _ fury of Rodan, and may  _ _ Mothra _ _ protect you both.”  _

_ “ _ _ Thank _ _ you.”  _ _ Again, _ _ they spoke together, slowly standing as the crowd began to kneel. Sizz-Lorr quickly followed suit (he was not going to be the only one standing).  _

_ “And now, our  _ _ Tallests _ _ will chose their new armor and their new titles.” Symm took the forefront again. Sizz-Lorr wasn’t sure if he could stand or stay kneeling. However, just as he was considering standing up, Dae approached the table, standing beside the cooks. He could see on the faces of his employees that none of them knew what to do in the presence of a  _ _ Mothra _ _ Elite. So... they just stayed kneeling. “My  _ _ Tallests _ _ , have you come to your decision.” _

_ “Yes, I shall be All Mighty Tallest X!” Xia stook tall, striking a stance as if readying herself for combat. “It shall be a name the Syndicate will learn to fear as we hunt them down for revenge. I shall wear the armor that represents our people- I shall wear the color of Irk. I choose to wear the green armor and represent all of the  _ _ Irkens _ _ who have fallen to Syndicate trickery-”  _

_ “Uh  _ _ XiXi _ _ ,” The air in the room shifted  _ _ very _ _ suddenly to one of unease as Xia’s speech was cut off by none-other than her co-ruler. “You can’t do that, it’s illegal.”  _

_ “I’m sorry, _ _ what _ _?” Xia’s voice was dangerously soft, her antennae straight back, eyes narrowed and teeth bared  _ _ looking _ _ more like the late Tallest Red than ever before.  _

_ “You can’t pick green armor.” Vero continued. “It’s illegal.”  _

_ “Why the fuck would green armor be illegal!?” It was clear Xia was trying to keep her voice down but there were microphones everywhere, picking up on every word.  _

_ “Well...” Vero fumbled for his reader, “right here in the  _ _ Irken _ _ legal code 28 V11 c it says: And I hereby outlaw green as a choice for clothing color. I mean, we’re already green am I right? Of course, I’m right- and you can’t answer that anyway because you’re a book. But yeah, no more green clothing, it just looks tacky. Wear something more vibrant! It’s not that hard people!” As he finished, Xia was simply staring at him looking more annoyed.  _

_ “You made that up! There’s no way it says all that!” She snatched the reader away from Vero, crimson eyes scanning the text. “Holy shit...”  _

_ “So, sorry Tallest X, you  _ _ gotta _ _ go with a different color.” Vero snatched his reader back.  _

_ “But we’re Tallest now! Can’t we just unmake that stupid law!?”  _

_ “This is just ceremonial, we’re not officially  _ _ Tallests _ _ yet, and anyway I feel like there’s probably a whole process to un-making this law.”  _

_ “Ugh. Fine.” She turned back to Sym. “Gold. I’ll be gold then.” Her eyes shot back to her cohort. “Unless that’s illegal too!?” _

_ “Not unless you’re a ‘winter’ but I don’t know what that means so I think you’re good.” Vero gave her a thumbs up as he scrolled through his reader. There was a moment of silence as Vero just continued idly reading his screen when, finally, Symm cleared her throat. Vero blinked. “Ah, right. Well, I’m going to pick All Mighty Tallest V because it’s on theme with Xia’s whole thing, and I’ll pick blue for my armor, like a dark blue, because I like dark blue.”  _

_ “Thank you for your stirring speech.” Xia’s bitterness was evident as she forced a compliment through gritted teeth.  _

_ “What can I say, we were cloned from the DNA of All Mighty Tallest Red, we’re not speakers.” He just shrugged her off. Dae walked back toward the center as the new suits of armor were dropped down from a compartment in the ceiling, glittering and shining in all their glory. Dae went to each new suit of Tallest armor and applied a very special band that  _ _ stretched _ _ from shoulder to shoulder on each of the suits.  _

_ “Then with  _ _ Mothra’s _ _ blessing, I welcome All Mighty  _ _ Talletsts _ _ X and V.”  _

_ The cheer from the crowd was almost deafening as Vero and Xia waved, soaking in the glory of their newfound title. Sizz-Lorr tried to stand with the cheering, but sitting on his knees for such a long period and in such an awkward position had made him a little stiff. Tallest Vero looked over, seemingly noticing his plight. Vero strolled over kneeling to help Sizz-Lorr to his feet. As he did so, he leaned close to the side of Sizz-Lorr's head. _

_ “Take your staff and run as far away as you can. The video is real.” It was a little hard to hear in the throes of celebration- but the words were unmistakable.  _ _ Sizz-Lorr  _ _ felt his blood turn to ice as Vero got him to his feet and turned back waving and smiling at the crowd.  _

Voel blinked. “ So our video did make it to the  Irken channels. I hate him, but Zeke is actually good at his job and that’s frustrating.” 

“I can’t believe Xia was going to wear green!” At some point during the  retelling , Therron had come upon the group. “It’s a good thing I made that law to stop her. That would have been an absolute disaster!” 

“ So you just ran?” Great now  Skoodge was here too. 

“Hey are you guys going to get your food or what!?” A human in the line made Voel realize that the line to Sizz-Lorr's little pop-up  Shloogorgh's Flavor Monster was now wrapping around the block. “We’ve been waiting forever!”

“Just a second!” Voel shot back. 

“IT’S BEEN LIKE A THOUSAND SECONDS!” The human retorted. 

“We packed up and fled after the ceremony. You don’t just ignore a command like that.” Sizz-Lorr replied quickly. 

“You made the right choice. But that doesn’t give us much on Irk itself.” Voel frowned. 

“Well then,”  Zim clapped his hands together definitively. Voel had to admire how much the defect was taking charge in this time of crisis. “We’ll just need to get in touch with Vero again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Chapter 35! Our first look at how Irk is holding up with its new leaders!!!


	36. It's a Tall World 2: Electric Boogaloo

“Well, do you feel any different?” Vero really didn’t but he assumed the change to Tallest and all of the coding that went with it, was more of a figurative change than a literal one. Sure, he felt a slight disconnect from the Collective, but that was the thing with  Tallests , you were considered to be a separate entity. Did he miss it? At this point: not really. The Collective had been a little... glitchy for a while now. Something to do with the underhanded dealings the Control Brains had going on. It was something he had been trying to investigate for a while now. 

“I feel like we are one step closer to our destinies, Vero.” Xia clenched her hand into a fist, examining the way the gauntlets shown in the lighting of their luxury room back on Irk. “I have dreamed about this day since I was a smeet! Of course, you weren’t there.” She gave Vero an annoyed once-over not even bothering to compliment him in his new, blue armor. “Or if you were, you were like a janitor or something.”

“ Haha , well fuck you too.” He laughed, not actually upset. Tallest had never really been something he craved, just something he knew might be in the cards for him, given his genetic heritage. “I’m just glad Therron and Pop-pop were able to get rid of that whole ‘cutting off your thumbs and claws’ thing.” He wiggled his thumbs as emphasis. “I like mine intact. And I wouldn’t know how to open a chip bag without claws.” 

“I mean it is nice not to-” Xia cut off as she processed the rest of his sentence- “what did you just call Late Tallest Red?”

“Pop-pop. Cause he’s like our dad. I learned it from that human we met the one time? You remember, right?” 

“What the fuck is a dad?” 

“A genetic donor, I think. It’s Earth slang. I’m using it to sound cool with the younger  smeets .”

“No one on Irk gives a shit about Earth, Vero, I don’t think they even know what it is. And honestly, after looking at that human for as long as I did, I don’t blame them.  So don’t bother picking up any ‘Earth slang’ you have no need for it.”

“You don’t know that though, I might.” Vero was just being difficult. Pushing Xia’s buttons because he knew how, and because her temper was a weak point. It always had been. “So technically  you're lying right now.” 

“I am not lying Vero. Once we have defeated the Syndicate with our superior technology and tactics, we will make an example of Earth by destroying it.”

“But Earth isn’t a Syndicate planet.” Vero pointed out, lying lazily across the fluffy cushions that he was only now learning his predecessors had access to this whole time- and yet had never once shared. They hardly ever left the Massive (save for holidays and special occasions) so it’s not like they were using this suite. “I mean... it has Syndicate on it... but like if that’s all it takes then technically Capitol Planet is an  Irken planet because it has  Irkens on it.  So then we already own them, and thus we’re just attacking ourselves. Is that what you want Xia? You want to attack ourselves?”

“Vero! Shut up.” Xia was very firm, and a shorter  Irken might have (rightfully) scurried away in fright from her outburst. But now they were in a position of equal power and there wasn’t much that one could do to the other. “Now, we have a lot on our plate to get a war underway. I need to consult all of our best generals! We need to get the Academy in tip-top shape, we need to talk  with our weapons development teams...”

“Oof that sounds like a lot for our first few days. Shouldn’t we get ourselves acquainted with the position before trying to irradicate a fellow empire for revenge.” Vero was trying his best to reign in his  fellow Tallest before she escalated things.

“It isn’t a lot. It is necessary. Our predecessors were slain while we were on the Massive, Vero. The Syndicate spilled the blood of our  Tallests !” 

“ _ Allegedly. _ ” 

“All- are you fucking serious? You can’t believe they’re still alive. You’re stupid Vero but you’re not  _ that _ idiotic. They brought a Parasite on our vessel that was clearly a threat. We should have killed them when they were at the door!”

“What about the pizza?” Vero raised an  antenna questioningly . 

“THE PIZZA WAS OBVIOUSLY POISONED VERO!” Xia whirled around in exasperation, slamming her hands onto the cushion on which Vero was lounging, throwing her weight into the gesture and launching Vero off of his comfortable spot and onto the floor. 

“It was? Oh shit.” Vero pulled himself up off of the floor. 

“Vero you fucking dick- it never ceases to amaze me that we are cloned of the same doners, grown in the same tube- and still you are so Mothra-damned stupid- or maybe your just a Mothra damned asshole. It is the only way they could have snuck passed our superior defenses.” Xia sighed, shaking her head. “It figures they would attack the food supply; such an underhanded scheme is just like the Syndicate.”

“I don’t think you know much about the Syndicate.”

“And you do?” She scoffed. Vero sighed, slowly getting to his feet. 

“The Galactic Syndicate, founded during the Reign of Tallest Star, began with a unification of five planets, led by  Tangea . They were at odds with the  Irken Empire, growing in size until peace was reached during the Reign of Tallest Miyuki. We rely on them for trade as a great deal of our weapons are constructed from Syndicate alloys. They are also one of the few major societies willing to sell  Irken product throughout their territories meaning a great deal of our  economic prosperity-”

“Vero! No. One. Cares!” Xia rolled her eyes. 

“Well then you don’t give a shit about economics.” Vero protested. 

“No. I  _ do _ . But you’re doing this to be obnoxious.” She pressed her fingers to her forehead inhaling deeply. “I am not going to let you ruin this for me. I am Tallest now, and I am going to make this Empire stretch across the universe.”

“That goal seems unrealistic as the universe is an infinite expanse without true boarders.”

“MOTHRA DAMN IT VERO!!”

“I’m not trying to be a  downer; I’m just trying to keep your grounded.”

“VERO!”

“ Ughhhhhh fine. But I’m trying to help, you know.” 

“Then help with the preparations.” Xia glared at him, clearly not believing in his willingness to help. Was she right? Sure. But Vero would never admit it.  "The plan is simple, so simple that even you, Vero, should be able to follow it." The exasperation in Xia's voice was all the evidence that Vero needed to know his attempts to get under her skin had been working. "We will board the Massive and set course for the Elite Training grounds. While we travel, we will meet with our top generals to discuss what is to be done about the Syndicate Traitors. Do you follow me so far?" 

"Y es." Vero nodded. "We should also meet with our interior decorators because I am liking this lounge but I am not loving it." He gestured around him. "And I should be loving it."

"We're not even staying here that long. We are literally about to leave." Xia gave him  a very annoyed look.

"That is true. But  also, if this is any indication of the taste of our predecessors, I am thinking I probably won't love the  Tallests ' quarters."

"No. We aren't doing that. That's stupid." 

"We get to do your thing, it's only fair we get to do mine too."

"No. Because your thing is trivial and I am nearly certain you are wasting time because you're too lazy to do what needs to be done."

"What needs to be done?" He repeated her words with a blank stare. "Like the laundry? Oh Xia, we have servants for that now. Don't be dumb."

"I'm being-!?" She cut herself off inhaling deeply and massaging the sides of her head, her antennae drooping. "Okay listen: we finish declaring war on the organization that murdered our leaders, and then you get to redecorate however you want."

"But what if I want to use green?"

"Use green. That law is stupid and we're un-making it. But right  now, there are more pressing matters at hand. Okay? Can you just shut up and obey the rules for a few days?" 

"Yeah." He nodded, finally getting fully to his feet, pulling out his reader and idly scrolling through the Irken Legal Code. "I think I can at least do that."

"Very well, then let us get to the Massive, the Generals are summoned and we shall begin our planning." 

"Can we stop by the Mothra Statue before we leave and get photos in our uniforms?"

"No. Vero what did I just say about shutting up?" She whirled around to face him and he could see the fire in her eyes. He shrugged.

"Figured I'd ask. " he followed her through the halls where banners of red and purple were being replaced with ones of blue and gold. All around him  Irkens were bowing, stopping in their tracks to stare. Vero had always known this would be a possibility for him one day- being Tallest had been on the table ever since he found out that Tallest Red was one of his genetic donors. However, it was not something he had craved like Xia had. Ever since they were  smeets she was obsessed with the climb to power. He probably should have felt similarly- most  Irkens seemed to have it in themselves to strive for perfection. However, he never really had that need. In the purest sense of the word this apathy made Vero a defect.  (A part of him wondered if his defect was from his other genetic donor, but not knowing who that was, he might never find out). But his defect was so small and easily missed that, being a tall  Irken , those who thought to question it never dared to bring it up. 

"The Massive will run differently now that we are in charge." Xia was clearly excited. He could see in her expression how her mind was racing with ideas to improve Irk.  Sure she had some great ideas, he had heard some of them, but she was just as rash as he was apathetic. Maybe the  smeetery had failed in an attempt to balance the two. "No more standing guard at doors dealing with food drones- we are going to turn this back into the warship it was meant to be!" She made her way to the boarding  platform; her long strides made the smallers leap out of the way to avoid being g kicked aside in her hurry.

"I always thought the Massive was supposed to be more like a symbol." Vero chimed in as he strolled along behind her. "I mean in terms of military equipment it is a little outdated by now- and I mean Zim took it over the one time which doesn't look super good. "

"Do NOT mention that name. Our predecessors were too soft of the Defect and gave him too much reign. We will  _ not _ make the same mistake."

"I mean it'll be hard since he's dead, right?" Vero shrugged.

"I... is he?" Xia stopped short and Vero nearly crashed into her.

"I mean he was with Skoodge and Skoodge is dead." Vero pointed out.

"He was, wasn't he? Shame to lose such a great Invader like Skoodge. Ugly as sin, but damn good at his job." 

"I miss him too." Vero patted Xia on the shoulders. "But if I close my eyes and put my faith in Mothra, it is almost like he is still with us."

"Well," Xia frowned, arms folded over her chest, "if  Zim is dead that does make our job considerably easier." She began walking again, "It is on us to prevent another disaster like  Zim from ever happening again. We'll need to be  stricter in monitoring the  smeet production."

"Sounds fair." He didn't care one way or the other but it got Xia off of the war topic so he was fine with it. They made it to the boarding platform slowly rising into the Massive which had already been redecorated with plenty of gold and blue. The Tallest Emblems had been altered so that one reflected a female Irken. It was a little more effort to change everything since Vero and Xia were another set of Tallests and being different genders meant they could not share a single emblem for identification. It was evident that everyone on board had gone out of their way to fix things up so that Vero and Xia would have their vessel ready and waiting. Xia surveyed the Massive as she walked through, gesturing to various things she didn't like.

"That will have to go." She pointed to one of Therron's many statues that he had set up around the ship. "And Red's display case for his stolen spear, I want it renovated so it can hold my battle ax. Also, you have the female Tallest logo on the left of the bridge, I want it on the right." For someone who had told Vero his interior decorating ideas were a waste of time, she sure had a lot of notes. 

"Oh can you make like a blue and gold outline behind the logos with a sweet fade or something? That would look really cool." Vero figured he had to get some if his own ideas out there before Xia was back on track. 

" No a fade effect would look good, you're right." Xia squinted at the logos thoughtfully. "Now we need our generals in here at once. Set course to  Graduatia \- the graduation planet for the Elites. We will need young, bloodthirsty  Irkens who are at the top if their class for the  beginning of this war. I will speak with Sig; he will know the best Elites for the job." And there she was, ready to fight once again. 

"Sig disappeared." Vero pulled up his reader, showing her the ever-growing list of Irkens who were MIA as of late. "He has been missing since after our initiation. I think Jax hasn't reported in either."

"Anj?"

"Gone."

"Lena?"

"Gone."

"Surely Reys is there."

"Yeah... no? Apparently not."

"Wait." Xia put a hand up to silence Vero. "Why are so many top trainers missing and I am only NOW hearing about this!? Who the fuck is running the Academy right now!?"

"That would be..." Vero began searching through his little reader as quickly as he could. "Hmm... Echo and Bap it seems." Xia shook her head looking clearly irate.

" Well, they were both great Invaders at one point so I suppose that isn't terrible. But I am going to be investigating these disappearances."

"I mean, I would hope so," Vero replied quickly. "Missing Irkens seems like a problem to me. One that might need to be dealt with at some point." The Massive had already taken flight, the movement aboard was so smooth the only reason Vero could tell they were in motion was the Navigators hurrying about trying to plot a course.

"Probably kidnapped, taken as hostages to be brutally tortured by the Syndicate." Xia narrowed her eyes in disgust. "The things I have planned for them... fetch our generals!" She instructed one of the Navigators who immediately panicked and ran to oblige leaving the crew short staffed. If Xia had turned just slightly more to her left, she could have instructed one if their errand staff to do the same job- which would have made a lot more sense, but Vero knew how much she loathed to be corrected.  So he kept quiet.

"You know while we are on  Graduatia there is the matter of the next Rising Tallest now that you are Tallest." One of the staff spoke up. Xia scoffed, tossing her head in annoyance. 

"Nonsense. We just got our jobs we don't need to train anyone else."

"Yeah," Vero seconded, "we have no idea what we're doing anyway; so we really can't train anyone right now."

"You don't need to train him,  persay , but you should keep your heir on the Massive in case of an emergency." It was clear from the way the staffing  Irken kept her distance from  Xia, that she was truly petrified. 

"Why?  So he can kill us while we rest, sneaking in through the air vents and cutting through our PAKs? Easily escaping back, the way he came? Having all the alarms disarmed because of his newfound status? Gaining his new position as he steps over our bodies?" She glared down at the smaller who cowered away a bit more. Vero blinked, looking over at her.

"That was oddly specific, wasn't it?"

"Part of being Tallest is planning for every scenario."

" Yeah, but that was like... vivid. You didn't..."

"No, Vero obviously not. But a good leader plans for every scenario." She ignored the staff member and looked back toward the doors as they did open and four of  Irk's best and brightest rising generals filed in. "Ah yes! Welcome, come in! Mer, Glee, Rin, and Glar! We bid you to come in and join us for a war council."

"Yes Almighty Tallest X, we are honored to be here." Glee replied bowing deeply. 

"We live to serve our Tallests." Glar confirmed. 

"Very well then, we have a long discussion ahead. I hope you brought snacks." Vero knew this was Xia's attempt at a light hearted joke, but it just left the  Irken generals scurrying to find food as Xia lead them out of the main hall into the war chambers. They had only been in the war room a few times, mostly to help clean it when Vero had gotten them in trouble. It wasn't like Red and Purple had ever really spent much time in there themselves. Seeing it decked out in blues and golds with Syndicate planets floating on the hologram in the  middle made Vero's  squeedleyspooch turn in his abdomen leaving him a little queasy. 

He didn't want a war. He knew what that would entail for himself, for Xia, for all of Irk. He was just disconnected enough from the Collective due to his defect, that he was semi-conscious that night the Syndicate came. Remembering the way his body had moved on its own, controlled by an outside force- hunting down the members of the Syndicate trying to escape. It all felt like a distant dream, dragging the Tangean Captain to a cell beneath the ship, unable to talk, seeing everyone with those dead, empty expressions. The first thing he had done when he regained control was tell Zeke. The tiny reporter had predicted disaster and disaster had come like a whirlwind. 

He couldn't allow this to escalate. 

"Generals, trusted advisors," Xia began speaking drawing Vero back into the moment. "The Syndicate have committed the highest treason, murdering our beloved leader and Tallest Purple right on the Massive. They probably are the murderers of Invaders Skoodge and Tenn as well."

" Yeah but they also killed  Zim ? Right?" Vero interrupted much to Xia's visible annoyance. " So we should give them some kind of reward too."

"We don't know that he is dead. But if he is, we will give the Syndicate member responsible a trophy or something." She waved him off.

"We have quite a few ideas, taking on Capital Planet would be the most direct route into the Syndicate." As Glee spoke, Xia was nodding along, invested. A few of the Generals were muttering their agreement and unwrapping their various snacks they had managed to scrounge up. " However their defenses are strong. I recommend we start from the satellite planets with very little Syndicate protection and work our way in. Of course. Once the War Protocol is officially activated, we will have no trouble seizing their poorly defended 'peaceful planets’ in the outer quadrants." The map zoomed out to show the area being discussed. Vero stood up, grabbing Glar who was midway in a burger, and dragging him to the wall where a vent opened up and Vero shoved Glar through the vent in one fluid motion, wordlessly throwing him into space. Xia blinked, completely dumbfounded by what had just transpired before her very eyes.

"Vero..." she said his name very calmly but it didn't last: "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?" Vero sighed, clearing his throat and pulling out his reader:

"And I decree," Vero read  aloud , "that every Tuesday aboard the Massive shall become Taco Tuesday. All other goods are forbidden save for taco toppings and appropriate sides. All  Irkens who disrespect the sanctity of Taco Tuesday will be thrown out into space to think about what they did." Mer raised her hand.

"Are quesadillas allowed?" She asked looking at her own food.

"I mean they are in the Taco family so you may be safe." Vero replied as Xia snatched his reader away from him.

"That is the STUPIDEST law I have ever heard. I knew we only had tacos on the Massive on Tuesdays but I had no idea it was the fucking law! Are they serious!? Was Therron that stupid and petty?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Vero raised an antenna, a bit of a smug expression worming his way onto his face as Xia shoved the reader back in his arms clearly frustrated.

"Vero, just because Therron writes dumb laws doesn't mean we need to enforce them."

"Are you going to talk about our deceased Tallests like that? Disrespecting them in front of my salad?" Vero gestured to his own food.

"Shouldn't you throw yourself out of the airlock for eating a salad?" Xia glared at him. 

"Actually," Vero cleared his throat going back to his reader. "The  Tallests can eat whatever they want on Taco Tuesday because honestly if I have to hear Voel complain one more time I will throw him out of the airlock. " Vero read aloud. Xia slapped her hand to her face slowly dragging it down. 

"Seriously?"

"Yeah weird laws am I right?" Vero squinted at the screen for a moment, deep in thought.

"The point is, Vero, those laws are dumb and those  Tallests are dead and- Vero? VERO NO STOP!" And as she tried to grab him, Vero had picked up General Mer and tossed her out of the airlock as well leaving Glee and Rin simply staring at  each other in shock.

"Turns out quesadillas were not allowed," Vero called through the airlock after the general. "SORRY MER! MY BAD!"

"This- this is so fucking stupid. I am going to unmake this Taco Tuesday law right now. And you know what? That green law too. Gone. Both of them!" Xia clapped her hands together as if smashing a particularly annoying bug, and pulled them apart wiggling her fingers as if showing  Vero the law had been crushed in her grip.

"That is great Xixi, but do you know how to do that?" 

"I..." Xia opened her mouth, closing it again, looking deep in thought. "Sym will know."

"Okay sounds good." Vero played along contented as he finished his food in one gulp and followed Xia out of the War Room and into the Agenda Chambers where Sym was sat at her desk, furiously typing away. She looked up as the two walked in, seeing the livid expression on Xia's face, she stopped what she was doing and turned to give her full attention. 

"How may I assist you today, My Tallests?"

"Sym," Xia slammed her hands on the desk and Sym simply looked at them for a moment and then back to Xia. "I need to unmake two very stupid laws. How do I do it?"

"Oh that is an easy task. I can do it from here," she gestured to her screen. "I just need the password."

"The...what?" Xia's face fell.

"The password. " Sym began typing again and the little screens in her office illuminated with  Irken witting . "Law 2145 B subsection Delta QR12: From now on any changes to the  Irken legal code are going to require a password because I swear to  Mothra that if I find out one more of my staff have been thrown into space because you don't like their shoes-Therron- I am going to fly this whole ship into the fucking sun."

"Heyyyy~" Vero piped up as Xia stared in disbelief at the screens. "Look at that! A law from our poor deceased dad."

Sym blinked. "What's a dad?"

"Don't get him started." Xia held a hand up. "Look don't you know the password? You're the Chief of Agenda for Ghidora's sake."

"I can see where you might think that, but no." Sym shook her head. I can't know the password because then Therron could get me to tell him."

"If you don't know the password then how do you know if its right?" Xia glared at her. Sym turned her screen around displaying a little input box. 

"I just type it right here."

"Fine. Okay. Who has the password then?" Xia tapped her foot, choosing to not use the hover belt, most likely so that she could stomp around and prove how mad she really was.

"That would be the employee of the month." Sym replied helpfully. 

"We have an employee of the month!?" Xia seemed more and more annoyed as each level of the Irken legal system unfolded before her like a set of stairs built by a raging lunatic that went straight into a wall. "Why was I never employee of the month! I was the best fucking employee on this ship."

"While I am sure that is true, My Tallest, the Employee of the Month title cannot be given to an intern."

"Okay. Fine. Who the fuck is it then?"

"I will have to look it up." Sym turned her screen back around. "Last month it was Invader Raz."

"Hasn't she been missing for like a  year?" Xia questioned.

"Yes. But she is very popular. The contest is a bit rigged if you ask me." Sym replied shaking her head. "System is being a little slow today with all the updates that come with your promotion. This will take a moment."

"Okay, fine: you get us that name. I am going to have the Navigators turn this thing around so we can pick up the two generals you-" she turned aggressively toward Vero pointing a clawed finger directly in his face, "decided to throw into space for no fucking reason!"

"Um, I had a reason?" Vero retorted indignantly. "I was obeying the law?"

"Fuck the law! I don't want to hear another word about it!"

"But Xixi-"

"NO! NO! NO! JUST- JUST SHUT UP! NO!" she began to storm toward the central navigation chambers. "If you say one more word about some dumb-ass law our predecessors made up, I am going to throw YOU into space!"

"But Xia-"

"SHHHHHH!" Her antennae were flat back, her teeth were bared, as the click of her boots on the humming metal tiles echoed through the wire-lined halls of the Massive. The doors to the navigation chambers flew open and she stormed in, causing the Navigators to scurry to get out of her way. "Turn the ship around. Almighty Tallest V decided to be an absolute asshole and we need to pick up a few Irkens."

"U... um..." the Navigators all exchanged uncertain glances and Vero could see Xia's anger boiling over. 

"What is it now?" Xia seethed through gritted teeth.

"We can't turn the Massive, m-my Tallest. I... it only goes straight." Navigator Char spoke up quietly.

"What do you mean you can't turn the Massive!? It is A FUCKING SHIP! It has steering! I CAN SEE THE STEERING!" She gestured emphatically at what was very clearly a wheel meant for keeping the Massive on whatever course was needed. "IT'S RIGHT THERE! YOU HAVE A NAVIGATOR STATIONED IN FRONT OF IT!"

"Y...yes..." Char winced, a few of the Navigators (including the one in front of the steering) scurried under the tables to get out of the line of fire. "But according to Law 1564-A Subsection Omega LN 2: The Massive only goes straight because I am not turning this thing around one more time due to the fact that you forgot to pack your favorite chips. I swear we will get more; there are literally a billion stores that sell them."

"You knew about this horrible law," Xia turned very slowly to face Vero, "didn't you?"

"I did." Vero couldn't stop the grin that was creeping over his face.

"And you let me come... all the way down here because...?"

"Because you told me to shut up." 

"That's it. I don't care that you're the Tallest. I am going to throw you out of the airlock!"

"Joke's on you I don't fit. Purple tried." Vero was enjoying this more than he probably should.

"Forget these horrible laws! They are  _ nothing _ but a  _ hindrance _ ! We can't go to war if we can't even turn a ship!" She shoved Char and Vero aside and went straight to the ship's steering, grabbing with both hands and trying to manually pilot the Massive. 

It didn't budge.

"The controls are locked-" Char began to explain but Xia cut her off with a furious roar.

"I  **_ KNOW _ ** THEY'RE LOCKED!"

"Wow, no need to yell." Vero held up both hands submissively. "These guys are just doing their job."

" No they aren't. No one can possibly do their job in this madhouse!" Xia turned to Vero, fuming. "You. Did. This.” With each word she pressed her clawed finger into the chest plate of his armor. “You just had to throw two- TWO- of our generals into space! You could have ignored those horrible laws- in fact- any  Irken with a halfway functioning PAK would have known to avoid those laws! That's it. Forget the airlock. You need to be recoded!"

"You can't recode me for obeying the laws." Vero hated to admit it, but at the sound of that word his blood had turned to ice inside of him. He felt that churning of his  squeedleyspooch once more. He knew the Control Brains wanted more from the  Irken Empire than he was ready to give. But Xia- Xia had fallen for their plan- whether through willful ignorance or true deception. She wanted blood and was willing to give the Control Brains everything in her pursuit. He had to avoid going to them. As Tallest, he had the advantage of a slight increase in his disconnect from the Collective just enough to keep his thoughts independent of the Control Brains.

"First of all, I am the Tallest. I can do whatever I want." Xia was getting in his  face; he could almost feel the anger radiating off if her.

"Yes, well, by that logic:  so can I." Vero countered, maintaining his ground. Their eyes met; Vero forced his typical blank stare as he held his own under the  fiery gaze of Xia's crimson eyes. They were only interrupted by a communication over the intercom. 

"My  Tallests , I believe I have located the Employee of the Month." Vero had never been gladder to hear Sym's voice  droning through the  Massive’s intercoms. Xia immediately turned away giving Vero a moment to catch his breath.

"FINALLY!" Xia began dragging Vero by the arm, back toward the entry way to the main part of the Massive where Sym kept guard as the Chief of Agenda. "When we are done, Sym, find out if I can have a fellow Tallest recoded." 

"Why?" Sym blinked.

"For being a moron." Xia retorted.

"No, it is because I am obeying the laws." Vero objected. Sym looked between the two of them.

"You can't have someone recoded for obeying the laws. In fact, it is more likely Vero could have you recoded for not obeying them."

"Wait, what!?" Xia reeled back looking horrified. "But surely you have seen how stupid the laws are!"

" Yes, but if a Tallest could be recoded for being stupid we would not have had Tallest Purple for as long as we did." Sym replied calmly. Xia rubbed the area between her eyes, clearly realizing she had lost this fight. 

"Okay. Fine.” She let out a long, exasperated, and truly defeated sigh. “Let's just get this password and go. Who is the Employee of the Month?"

"That would be Dan." Sym replied looking at her screen.

"Who the fuck is Dan?" Xia crossed her arms looking truly annoyed.

"He is one of our cooking staff." Sym pulled up the image of a generic looking red-eyed  Irken in a little chef's hat. "It took a while to find the right Dan as we apparently have like fifteen Dan's aboard the Massive right now. But it should be chef Dan.”

"So the password to change the very laws of our people is in the hands of a chef." Xia blinked.

"A five Nova chef." Sym added as of it made some sort of difference. 

"Right." Xia looked unimpressed by these credentials. 

"Oh I know Dan!" Vero perked up. "He is a really good cook."

"Let's just get this stupid password and move on with our lives." Xia sighed. She began heading to the kitchen, clearly getting more and more angry with every hitch in her plan. Vero followed her, Sym following alongside him. Together they walked to the large kitchens that provided the highest quality meals a Tallest could ask for. As they entered, the chef  Irkens lined up along the walls standing at attention, all eyes on the new leaders. Xia looked up and down the line, her eyes scanning for the  Irken in question. "All right, which of you is Chef Dan?"

Three Irkens raised their hands and Xia once more slapped her hand to her face, slowly dragging it down in frustration. 

"I told you it is a common name." Sym looked unempathetic.

"Okay." Xia spoke more clearly, though her anger was evident in her forced, thin smile. "Which of you is Employee of the Month Dan?" A single  Irken stepped forward. Xia waltzed up to him, towering over him like something out if a nightmare. "Now Dan,” she had a chilling tone to her voice, sickeningly saccharine, "what is the password to change the laws of Irk?"

"And congratulations, by the way," Vero added, cheerfully. "Employee of the Month, that is quite the accomplishment." Dan did not seem to be put at all at ease by Vero’s niceties. He blinked at the towering figureheads of Irk (and Sym).

“P... password...?” he repeated meekly. 

“Yes. The Password. What is it?” Xia was becoming impatient. 

“Password.”

“Yes, Dan, the password! What is the fucking password!” At this point, Xia had clearly had enough stalling and grabbed Dan by his collar picking him easily up off of the floor. “Give it to me! Give it to me now or I swear I will feed you to a Parasite pit!” Those were not a real thing. And Vero was fairly sure Xia knew that, but she didn't seem like she was much in a mood to be corrected as her curled antennae lay flat against her head. 

“The p-password is password! Please don’t hurt me!” Dan cowered away from his leader, though it did him no good as Xia let out a scream of raw, unbridled frustration, and threw the chef across the room. His PAK legs caught him and he was unhurt, but Xia looked ready to kill. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? THE PASSWORD IS- " she took a deep breath. “This has to be a joke.” She began laughing in complete disbelief. “The password is password- of course it fucking is!” 

“I’ll input the password, my Tallests.” Sym turned to go and Xia immediately grabbed her by the arm. The Chief of Agenda hesitated, looking back at her leaders. 

“I am coming with you and the first fucking thing we are doing is getting rid of the password law. Do you hear me?” 

“Yes my Tallest but-”

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, SYM?”

“I... I do.” She pulled away looking quite unaccustomed to being treated the way she had been. She walked down the hall back to her office, going straight to her computer and typing in the password. “It’s accepted.” 

“Good. Now, I never want to do this again.  So first order of business is  undo the law requiring a fucking password.” Xia instructed. Sym nodded, typing furiously. She pressed a button and a holographic document appeared before the two. 

“You will need to sign, both of you. Here and here.” Two blanks illuminated. Xia and Vero both signed their names. “Now the password law is no longer in effect.” Sym confirmed. 

“Perfect.” Xia finally seemed to be calming down. “Now let’s undo the law about the Massive going straight. Then we can get those generals Vero threw out and we will all be able to put this nightmare behind us.”

“I can’t do that, My Tallest.” As Sym replied, Vero saw Xia’s calm shatter. Her whole body tensed with rage, she was physically shaking, and her eye twitched. 

“And why...” Xia’s voice was slightly higher than normal, very clearly strained as she spoke, “can’t you do that, Sym?”

“ Well ” Sym cleared her throat “ Law 487- L Subsection Gamma XR21 clearly states: you must  wait two days in-between making changes to the legal code so that you can really fucking think about what you are about to do and make ABSOLUTELY certain that it isn’t some dumb change you are making because you got mildly inconvenienced.” 

“NO! THIS IS BULLSHIT!” Xia threw herself in to the desk at full force, face centimeters from Sym’s. Sym didn’t flinch. “I AM YOUR TALLEST YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!”

“I can’t.” Sym replied firmly. “I cannot break the law just because you don’t like it,  m’am . If you have a problem, you can take it up with your predecessors.” 

“NO! You take it up with Red and Purple when you join them in HELL!” Vero grabbed his co-ruler by the arm, pulling her back before she tried to do something, they would all regret. Sym stood very calmly, walking out from behind her desk, perhaps in a way to remind Xia that though not quite Tallest, Sym was very tall. “I can’t deal with this! I’m taking it up with the Control Brains. They have to have a way to overwrite this nonsense.”

“They don’t. They are computers, not gods.” Sym tried to explain but Xia pushed passed her, going toward the wall. 

“Which of these FUCKING BUTTONS takes me to the Control Brains. I’m not putting up with this insanity a second more!” Xia began probing at the wall. 

“Wait! My Tallest not that one!” Sym tried to stop her but as Xia pulled the lever the floor beneath the three of them opened up and they plummeted into what looked like a small theater beneath the Agenda Office. As they collected themselves, as best they could, the screen lit up. Vero was trying to shake off the initial daze of falling when he heard the Announcer speak. 

“ So you are here to see the Tallest!?” 

“Is... is this a movie?” Vero sat fully up. 

“Why is there a movie theater under your office?!” Xia tried to stand up but little bars locked in over their laps as the unmistakable voice of Therron came over the screen. 

“WELL YOU CAN’T!”

“Oh... oh fuck no...” Xia tried to get the bar to lift up on her lap. 

“Yeah... it’s...” Sym sighed, defeatedly resting her elbow on her lap bar and her cheek in her hand. “It’s a ride, actually.” Xia let out a scream of rage as she struggled more fiercely against the metal bar, seemingly  forgetting it had held a  Tangean , a  Kryptonian , and at least one confirmed Invader prior to their entrapment. 

“ Well I for one am excited!” Vero piped up as Therron continued some sort of egotistical rant on the screen behind him. “I love rides.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the big Vero and Xia chapter. I am REALLY excited to see what you guys think of Tallests V and X. There might be one or two more chapters with them (if it's all right with you guys!) since there is a lot happening with them.


	37. Almighty Tallest X

_ My name is Xia, though history will know me as Almighty Tallest X.  _

_ I have always known I would be destined for greatness; I was created from the very DNA of Red Death himself: Almighty Tallest Red. He was the greatest warrior of a generation, a  _ _ battle-ready _ _ soldier who thirsted for blood, as  _ _ a _ _ good  _ _ Irken _ _ should. My other donor is unknown, and therefore of little consequence. Whoever it was, was probably not as great as Red. The reason I know this? _

_ Vero. _

_ When I was created, there was another made with my same genetic donors. While we are not identical (thank  _ _ Mothra _ _ ) we do share a considerable amount of DNA making us closer in relation than most other  _ _ Irkens _ _. However, due to our similarities, the  _ _ smeetery _ _ made the horrendous mistake of incubating us in the same tube. Thus, before I even knew the sweet taste of life, I was being dragged down by the leech that was my Tube-Mate. I must have gotten the good traits from our leader. Vero did not share in my good fortune. He lacks focus, drive, and common sense. _

_ Yet due to our shared heritage, he also grew to be tall. It just shows some flaws in the  _ _ Irken _ _ system. Flaws the Control Brains must have failed to see. _

_ When I was just a smeet, I knew my future was going to be one filled with greatness. I idolized our  _ _ Tallests _ _ ; I wanted nothing more than to make them proud. It was a grand dream, but like all dreams, reality came to shatter it. _

_ I remember the day well: _

_ I was an Elite, young and fresh into the Training Academy. I was the top of my class, surprising no one. Victory was all I knew,  _ _ smallers _ _ would cower before me and clear paths when I walked. It was because of my skill and promise that I was personally chosen to meet our  _ _ Tallests _ _ face to face.  _

_ Vero was also there; despite every reason to dismiss him from the training program, he had somehow weaseled his way into the second highest grades. While I could not prove it was through unsavory means- we all knew that was the case. And while we were awaiting the arrival of our leaders, that asshole had the gall to complain! _

_ I am serious.  _ **_ HE _ ** _ complained.  _

_ "Why do we need to go through all of this just so get an internship? Can't they just see we're tall and move on with our lives?" His voice always sounded, to me at least, like a thousand  _ _ Grokian _ _ spawns trying to die in a blender. _

_ "Being interviewed is a privilege!" I shot back, trying not to let his obnoxious personality ruin this moment. "You and I are being considered for Rising Tallest." _

_ "Shouldn't our measurements be enough of an interview?" _

_ "Vero, shut up. They need to see that we-well I- am fit for the job. They won't just let any moron lead our people just because they're tall!" _

_ "I feel like they will. I mean, I got into Elite school because I’m tall. I wanted to be a PAK technician, I like computers, not fighting." _

_ "Yes, Vero, I’m very aware of how much you suck, but this is very important to me; so, don't ruin my focus! I mean once they hear you  _ _ talk; _ _ I am sure you'll be shipped off to some planet where you can't bother me ever again- and I will be put on the Massive! Serving at the sides of our  _ _ Tallests _ _ as they initiate Operation Impending Doom II!" _

_ "I don't know why you're so excited. The first one didn't go so great." He was so huffy for someone about to meet their leaders. It was like he didn't even care. _

_ "That was because of a Defect. But this time there is no Defect. They sent him off to Foodcourtia to rot in the masses of obese alien slime!"  _

_ "I mean I thought it was kind of funny when  _ _ Zim _ _ -" _

_ "Do NOT speak that name, Vero. Our Tallests will be coming any moment now and I don't want them to think you are praising that walking disaster." _

_ "Your face is a walking disaster."  _

_ I wish, good  _ _ Irkens _ _ , that I could say I kept my temper. But you see, dealing with Vero in long bursts can put so much strain on even the strongest wills. Regretfully, I snapped and grabbed that lanky waste of space, and threw him over my shoulder onto the ground. He didn't even try to defend himself (how he had gotten that far in our Elite schooling was beyond me- yes it was still our first year and he still had plenty of time to fail- but still) and he skidded across the floor into the opposing door just as it slid open. Vero's body had slid into the feet of none other than the Chief of Agenda. She looked down at him with rightful disgust and stepped over his body. _

_ "Rising  _ _ Tallests _ _ , make yourself presentable. Your leaders await your presence." Her voice calm, commanding. This was my moment. Now was my time to shine. _

_ Had I known then what I know now, I would not have hurried so, down that hall to the meeting room. Before taking the position of Tallest, this had been my favorite memory, but now it feels tainted by the bitter reality in which I am living. _

_ Down that hall I went, ready to meet my leaders. I followed Sym with confidence, I was in pristine condition, ready for whatever might come my way. And then I saw them. The meeting room doors had opened an I saw them- the Red Death and the Purple Nightmare. At one time I thought the nickname referred to Purple's prowess in battle, I now realize that it was simply his personality that was nightmarish.  _

_ As I look back on this moment without my nostalgic joy, I can realize our  _ _ Tallests _ _ were getting fat, lazy, and lethargic. Their graceful poses were nothing more than slouching, crumbs still on the face of that Purple abomination. It pains me to recall the conversation that took place that day, but I will recount it to the best of my ability: _

**_ Tallest Red: _ ** _ "Xia you are clearly so superior to your classmates that it is a wonder we are only having this conversation now, clearly we should have had you by our side for Impending Doom. You would have warned us about the Defect. " _

**_ Me: _ ** _ “I would have gladly done so my Tallest." _

**_ Purple: _ ** _ "You are so beautiful and perfect that I'm intimidated! I immediately don't like you and am going to dedicate my life to ruining your future plans."  _

**_ Red:  _ ** _ "Purple don't talk to our successors in such a way! Xia is clearly the most obvious choice of Tallest that I have ever seen. If it were possible to step down and surrender my position to you, I would.  _ _ Right _ _ this very second." _

**_ Vero: _ ** _ "I am obnoxious and a moron, my self-confidence is terrible because I spend my whole life in Xia's shadow, that and I pretend I don't even want to be an Elite despite that being the OBVIOUS BEST career." _

**_ Red: _ ** _ "Shut up Vero, no one likes you. You are obviously inferior to your Tube-Mate. I should have only authorized one  _ _ smeet _ _ that day. You are my single biggest mistake and every time I behold your face I am filled with deep, cardiac- _ _ spooch _ _ wrenching regret." _

**_ Vero: _ ** _ "That is a fair assessment; I'm pretty terrible." _

**_ Purple: _ ** _ "I am equally, if not more terrible than you, Vero! Xia's perfection is greatly intimidating, and humbling!" _

**_ Red: _ ** _ "Xia, would you please do Irk the honor of becoming our Rising Tallest? Only you have the brain and raw power to lead us out of the hell hole that Purple will inevitably create for us. Future  _ _ smeets _ _ will make statues of your greatness. Vero, I guess you can have the title too until we find a way to make you shorter." _

**_ Vero: _ ** _ "I will take this title even though I am in no way deserving." _

**_ Red: _ ** _ "You are not. That is true." _

**_ Purple: _ ** _ "The date of my death will be cause for celebration throughout Irk." _

"Hey Xia? What the fuck?" Vero's voice had interrupted her recording. 

Xia sighed, she turned off the recording device and looked back to Sym and Vero as they were riding down a hallway with happy, little, animatronic  Irkens all singing a happy little tune that was more or less telling the riders to go fuck themselves.

"I was making a log." Xia put the device away. "So that future generations can hear the full story of how I saved Irk from this  _ literal  _ nightmare."

"Can I make a few notes?" Vero lifted his finger questioningly.

"No." Xia's reply was concise and firm.

"But I have some notes..."

"No this is my  entry; it doesn't need notes!"

"But like," Vero was clearly not getting the hint that Xia did not care one bit about his opinion, "why were you able to quote our conversation in the hall word-for-word; but then when we got to the Tallests meeting you had to paraphrase?"

"You just sat there and listened to her insult you for like ten solid minutes and this is what you choose to question?" Sym was leaning over her little lap bar looking look at the two leaders. Vero shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's nothing I haven't heard before. "

"This is true," Xia replied quickly, "everything I said in my memoir I would say to Vero's face."

"Are you two absolutely certain you will be able to rule _ together _ ?" Sym seemed to have reservations. At long last, the Chief of Agenda had seen the obvious discrepancies in the competency of the two ruling  Irkens . 

"Honestly? I am just going to do my best until Vero dies. I assume that is my only option." Xia hated that they were the same age, it meant she would have to wait for the inevitable assassination before getting to truly rule.

"I suppose that is a way to do things seeing as how you two are not bonded like the previous Tallests due to your genetic similarities..." Sym made a little note on her reader. 

"Bonded!? Ugh!" The very idea of having to be bonded for life to a deadweight like Vero made her skin crawl.  Irken bonding was the highest commitment one could make to another being. It linked your PAKs together, joining you for life to one another. While Bonding could be undone by the Control Brains, it was rare. Bonding was a lifetime commitment. When one Irken in a bonded pair were to die, their partner would pass as well. It was the ultimate act of dedication. Honestly the whole idea was a little outdated in Xia's mind. 

"It is rare we have more than one Tallest; though, this is the first incident on record of the  Tallests being genetically related. You two should be proud, this is a historic event. " Sym seemed to be trying to lift Xia's spirits, it wasn't doing much so long as she still had to hear that awful song.

"The historic part will be having a  Tallest who fixed all the broken parts of our legal system caused by her predecessors."

" _ Our _ predecessors." Vero cut in. "I'm not dead you know. I'm literally sitting right here."

"Not dead yet, Vero, but give it time. The more you act like Tallest Purple the more you inch an innocent Irken into the throws of madness driving them to inevitably murder you. It will most likely be a laser pistol through your PAK as you're giving a speech, your PAK seizing up leaving you tumbling lifeless, off the balcony." As Xia finished her description, she saw Vero staring at her blankly.

"You wanna talk about that?" 

"Talk about what? I hate you and every day we spend together further cements that fact."

"Love you too, sis."

"Sis? Who is Sis? I am Xia."

"Sis is short for sister, it's human slang. A sister is a female that shares in both of your genetic donors." Vero's explanation only made Xia more annoyed. 

"I told you to stop with the Earth slang!"

"No. I like it!"

"My Tallests, we should brace ourselves!" Sym interrupted the argument as the ride reached a very precisely sized door that opened up into a long tunnel. The lap bars lifted and the platform lurched forward launching the three Irkens into the tunnel. They were being sucked out into what looked to be the vacuum of space. Sym, Vero, and Xia all activated their PAK legs and strained against the force drawing them outside. Metal legs bit into the solid walls of the tunnel and with considerable effort they were able to hold on until the door shut and they a dropped to the ground. Xia took a deep breath before whirling around to face Sym.

"Sym,” Xia said sweetly, poison dripping in her voice. “why IN MOTHRA'S GREAT NAME IS THERE A RIDE UNDER YOUR  ** FUCKING  ** OFFICE!?"

"I can hear you," Sym sat up, "there is no need for yelling. That ride was Tallest Purple's idea, it was to get rid of bothersome Irkens."

" Well _ I _ , for one, enjoyed it. Not a huge fan of the almost getting thrown into space part at the end but if we replace that with like a bunch of pillows or a giant ice cream, it has potential." Vero sat up, checking his PAK legs for any damages. Xia crossed her arms surveying the area in question. 

"How are we supposed to get out of here?" She looked to Sym who was typing away on her screen once more.

"Well, I can send a distress message to the Tallests personal guard and have them pull us out, or we could try to find a different route... it might take them a moment to find us because Vero told the guards to monitor the tacos."

" Of course he did." At this point in time, nothing surprised Xia any longer. Outside of Vero doing something useful, nothing that Sym told her would be shocking. This was something akin to how helplessness might feel, if Xia had ever been weak enough to experience such a pitiful emotion. "I am not waiting around for guards; there has to be a way out." Xia began to feel along the walls with her hands.

"There are several maintenance passages, however they would not fit  Irkens of our size." Sym pointed to a small hatch along the walls, Xia  knew she could fit, but it would be immensely uncomfortable and she did not entirely trust Vero not to somehow get them all stuck.

"I will still investigate it, but I will go alone." She looked firmly in Vero's direction. Vero had started messing with his PAK, probably trying to repair the strain on the legs from having to fight the pull of space.

"Suit yourself." Vero gave her a little wave. "Just promise you'll send help if you do manage to find a way out."

"I will send help for Sym." Xia replied, eyes narrowed as she tried to emphasize to Vero just where he stood. 

"Ouch, my feelings." Vero put a hand to his chest, looking offended.

"Shut up Vero." Xia extended her PAK legs, elevating herself before jumping onto the opposing wall, quickly she jumped again, higher. Using this method, she climbed quite a bit to reach a large panel in the wall. This seemed to be another maintenance shaft, but it was large enough for Xia to squeeze into after prying off the metal door. It was tight, difficult to navigate as she tried her best to wriggle and squeeze through the passage. She eventually found a vent, one that seemed to be an exit, and forced her way through, falling gracelessly to the floor. She stood quickly, trying to be sure no one had witnessed the fall, dusting off her armor. The room was dark, only back-lit with dull red lights. There was a very steady, constant hum that filled the room, electric sounding. It pulsed through the wires that lined the walls. She blinked, realizing as she gazed at the cold, black metal with the gently pulsating, crimson lights, where she had fallen. 

"Hello, Control Brain." She bowed her head, respectfully. "It was not my intention to disturb you." The Control Brain on the Massive was just as striking as the ones back on Irk. The bulging, synthetic eyes brightened upon hearing her voice.

" ** Hello Tallest X. ** " She had not heard this one speak before, it was a strong, commanding voice, one she knew would strike fear in the weaker species. " ** Your vitals are elevated; this indicates that you are upset. Why is this? ** " It could sense her distress...They were truly intelligent, nearly omnipotent. They never ceased to amaze.

"Forgive my intrusion." Even with all of her new power, speaking directly to the Control Brains was still awe inspiring. They were the very backbone of Irk, the  Powersource behind the Collective. To be able to command them as the Tallest put Xia's new position into better perspective. "Vero has been difficult, long story short: we got stuck on some sort of ride that Tallest Purple created." Beings of logic such as the Control Brains would side with her on matters of Purple's gross incompetence. 

" ** That is troubling. ** " With every syllable spoken, the lights would pulse rhythmically. It was almost entrancing. " ** Tallest Purple had an affinity for causing difficulty. It seems Tallest V may have picked up some of his... bad habits... during your training period. ** "

"Exactly!" She was pleased that someone agreed with her. Ever since she had boarded the Massive, things had been chaos. Having a voice of reason was just what she needed. "Honestly he is a pain! It is like he doesn't even want to declare war!"

" ** Is that so? ** " The response surprised her. Maybe she was just so accustomed to people shrugging off Vero's insolence that the idea of someone taking her seriously was foreign. " ** That will be a problem, Tallest X. If Tallest V is not aiding our cause, then he is an obstacle in our path. Obstacles must be overcome. ** "

"Yeah but how can I do anything in this madhouse? The ship won't even turn around!"

" ** Fixing the many issues caused by your predecessors will take time and patience. Fixing the problem of your Tube-Mate may have a more immediate, and permanent, solution. ** "

"Like what?" Xia was not entirely sure what  the Control Brain was thinking. But it seemed to have a plan. "Sym said he can't be recoded for obeying the law. "

" ** He does not require recoding if he is deleted. ** "

Xia froze. That... seemed a little harsh. Vero was stupid and a pain... but he was still an Irken...

" ** Tallest X? ** "

"You... aren't saying we... kill him, right?"

" ** There is reason to believe Tallest V is a traitor to the  ** ** Irken ** ** species. He is a Syndicate sympathizer. Multiple recordings have indicated that he is against the war. He has taken unauthorized actions to update his PAK. We believe he has downloaded Zeke articles on multiple occasions. ** " It all made sense, too much sense.

_ That. Fucking. Traitor. _

"What do I need to do?" 

" ** There is a path, an exit that will lead through the  ** ** Massive's ** ** prison. Take Vero through the cells. On cell block four, there is a maximum-security door. Make sure he enters that section. The rest will be taken care of." **

"And what about Sym?"

" ** What about her? ** "

"Well, if we are getting rid of the problems on this ship, I don't think she does that much of her actual job. Plus, if you are going to...  _ delete. _ .." the word still made her cringe, "Vero, then won't she be a witness?"

** "Sym is a non-threat." ** The reply was simple enough. **** " ** The directions to the cell block are in your PAK. Go with  ** ** Mothra ** ** , Tallest X. And may the Glory of Irk shine through you. ** "

Xia took a deep breath as she headed back into the cramped vents. This was a good thing. Vero had been holding her back since they were smeets. This was her chance to really, truly flourish. If Vero had not been so awful then she would not have had to go this far- so really it was his own damn fault! She poked her head out of the vent area looking at the Irkens below her. "I found an exit! This way!" 

"Ugh that seems like a lot." Vero's complaints only strengthened Xia's resolve. 

"Just get your ass in here." 

Sym was first, elegantly copying Xia's movements she wriggled her way into the vent. Vero managed, somehow, to  follow ( though Xia heard him fall on his ass at least twice). 

The instructions from the Control Brain were clear. She was easily able to navigate until they found another grated exit gate. She wiggled it free and jumped down into a long hall line with cells. There was an electrified force field around each of the little cells. She could see the scourge of the universe, the scum of the Empire huddled in the back if their little prisons. They were despicable. Each and every one.

"So, you have finally come back! Well, you can pump me for all the information you like,  _ Tallests _ _ , _ but you will get nothing from me!" A  Vortian male addressed the group as they passed. It slammed its clawed hand into the energy wall, the pincers on its head wriggling in anger. "NOTHING! THE RESISTY LIVES ON!"

"What in  Ghidora's name are you talking about?" Xia approached the cell with long, powerful strides and the  Vortian retreated back instantly intimidated. It tried to hide its discomfort, through avoiding eye contact. 

"You are not the Tallests! N- nevermind!"

"I  **_ am _ ** the Tallest!" Xia retorted, straightening her posture to emphasize her point. The  Vortian slunk back more. It finally spoke again though its voice was meek.

"You... you look different Tallest Red. Is that new armor?"

"Silence  you _ insolent fool _ ! I am Almighty Tallest X!  Tallests Red and Purple are dead. You now live under my rule and you will respect and fear me!"

"Y- yes ma'am!" The Vortian winced and Xia took a moment to look at his cell information. 

"Now never speak to me again Lard-Nar of Vort. Every moment that I am reminded of your very existence is a moment of my life wasted." She had no time for this. She had bigger things on her plate. She continued walking to the end of the block. Just as promised there was a very large, maximum security door that was slid partially open. She could barely see the electric glow of the forcefield holding whatever was in there at bay. She stopped. "We'll have to go in there."

"Oh hell no, that looks sketchy as fuck." Vero stopped just short of the entrance much to Xia's frustration. 

"Your face looks sketchy as fuck." She decided to take a note from Vero's book. He laughed.

"You got me there." 

"Look just go ahead, I am going to check the door to find out why it was open. I feel like it should have been fully shut." Xia went to examine the panel beside the door. Vero cautiously stuck his head in taking a moment to peer around.

"Hey is it supposed to be empty?" 

"What!?" Xia tensed running to the door with Vero. Sure enough, it looked completely empty. Had whatever-it-was already escaped? Were they all at risk? Xia had to get a closer look but pulled Vero along with her. The cell was completely vacant just an empty bed, chair, and food trays...

Wait a moment...

None of the other cells had a chair in them-

** BEEEEEEEEP  **

** MAXIMUM SECURITY BREACH. LOCKDOWN INITIATED. **

_ No  _ _ no _ __ _ no _ __ _ no _ __ _ no _ __ _ no _ _ no!!!!! _

_ F _ _ UCK! _

The heavy doors closed behind them as cells along the walls began opening up. The puny Vort even made an excited cry and scurried away, past Sym who was struggling to get the heavy  Maximum-Security doors to open.

"MY TALLESTS!" Sym was trying a series of codes in rapid succession. 

"Get this door open Sym!" Xia backed up as she looked at the cell again. The energy shield was down and sure enough the chair was gone. Xia looked over at the information pad that had somehow taken damage in the milliseconds they had been in the room. Blinking in the soft blue lights that made up the information screens were words that made Xia sick:

** PARASITE: HIGH THREAT **

** CONTAINMENT FAILED **

" Well this isn't good." Vero remarked, surprisingly not freaking out over being trapped in a cell with a Parasite.

"You think!?" Xia was on high alert, her PAK legs out. She knew she wouldn't be able to hear the Parasite but her antennae may detect its movement. "Why the fuck do we have a Parasite in our prison!?"

" Well I like to think we were trying to make things work with them." Vero had  his own PAK legs extended and was poised to attack. He turned briefly back to the door. 

"This is no time for fucking jokes!" Something moved. Xia jumped to avoid a large  Irken form that had plummeted to the ground. There it was, the Parasite, taking on the form of an  Irken though the face had been replaced with a gaping maw lined all the way around in a spiral pattern, with sharp, jagged teeth, a tongue wriggling in the center. Xia made a move to jab it with one of the extended, sharpened PAK legs, her blow going straight for the "head" so to speak but in a lightning-fast response, the Parasite split its own head open, reforming it on the cold metal, trapping the leg in its writhing skin. 

Xia detached the leg as the back of the  Irken exploded outward and the white and red tendrils lashed about in the open trying to plunge into a supple  Irken target. Xia activated the  Tallests ' gauntlets, they were not just for show, after all, and began  to fire burst of energy into the abomination before her. She struck every blow but the creature was undeterred. It healed away the damage Xia caused and those tendrils reared back and lashed forward trying to grab at her. Her PAK legs fought off every blow. "Are you planning to help me Vero or are you content to die knowing that you were truly useless?!"

"Nah, none of that." She hated how despicably calm he sounded despite everything. She wanted nothing more than to see him get his comeuppance as this monstrosity devoured him limb from limb. "I got the door code to get out though."

"What!?" She whirled around and sure enough Vero had perched himself off of the floor along the wall with the security panel. Her distraction gave the Parasite an opening and those piercing tendrils lunged for her but were deflected by PAK legs...  Vero's PAK legs. "I... " she was dumbfounded, unsure of what to say. "Get that code and let's get out of here!"

"Yeah, but first," he was still struggling with the Parasite, "I am going to need you to make me a promise."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now." Xia couldn't believe how stupid her Tube-Mate really was. The Parasite was knocked back but instantly up again, Xia and Vero had to dodge as it charged toward the door, it clung to the wall facing forward. Its face warped, the back of the head collapsing and becoming the front of the face giving the  Irken form the illusion that its head was on backward, and lunged again toward them. 

"No. I want you to promise me, on your word as Tallest X, that you will leave Earth alone."

"No way! They-" Xia cut off as the  Irken form of the Parasite ripped in half, more of the tendrils forming from each side, one grazed her gauntlet, leaving blackened goo in its wake. "FINE  FINE ! WHATEVER! LET'S JUST FUCKING GO!" She dove under the barrage of fleshy tendrils toward the doors which gave a friendly ** BEEP ** and slid open just enough for Xia and Vero to get free. Sym helped push the door closed as the small viewing window became completely occupied by the pulsing, tooth lined, spiral, void of a mouth. Xia fell back, trying to catch her breath. 

"What a day, am I right?" Vero was lying on his back on the ground, grinning like an idiot. It figured he would be the only Irken dumb enough to be able to botch his own murder. "I can't believe there was a Parasite down there."

"That would be one caught by Almighty Tallest Miyuki. It has been down here for some time." Sym looked back at the door, looking a little pale. "That is M."

"Not a friendly welcome, give M my critiques." Vero finally sat back up. "That whole prison break sounds like a pain and a half of paperwork though. Xixi, you don't mind taking care of all that right?" He winked at her making little guns with his fingers and pointing them in her direction.

“Like hell I am!” She grabbed him by the arm, holding him firmly in place. He may have survived by sheer luck, but she would be damned if she was cleaning up this mess alone while he still drew breath. “Sym, get security to track down the escaped prisoners, increase the defenses around M. I want this place back in working order by the time we reach Graduatia!”

“Yes, My Tallest.” Sym nodded and hurried off to... wherever it was she needed to go. Xia just wanted to find the  Tallests quarters and put this whole ordeal behind her. She would discuss a different course of action with the Control Brain. Vero had saved her life, after all- though he had been weird about it (as always). There had to be a way simply demote him for being awful. 

It took a bit to find the platform that elevated them to the living quarters of the Massive. They had yet to actually see the  Tallests ’ Quarters, save for simply in passing. At this point, Xia didn’t care how they looked, she was just tired. She approached the door and it opened. Vero’s face lit up and he pounced excitedly on a very large, plush looking cushion in the center.

“I call Dibs!”

“Dibs? Wasn’t that the name of that ugly human thing?” Xia didn’t really care, but Vero seemed to have developed an unhealthy interest in Earth in general. 

“I think so. I’m going to name this cushion in his honor. May he rest with  Mothra .” Vero patted the cushion on which he had belly-flopped. 

“Is he dead to?” Xia sat on a separate, less fluffy cushion, her  exhaust overpowering her  desire to throw her Tube-Mate out of an airlock. 

“Maybe?” His antennae perked up quizzically. “I mean, probably. I like to think he is still out there somewhere, using his freakishly large head as a beacon for lost humans in space.” 

“Do humans even have space travel?”

“Eh...” Vero shrugged, “probably not, they seem pretty primitive.” He continued to roll about of the cushion, seemingly having a great time. Xia no longer had the desire or energy to confront him on his idiocy. There was too much to do. She  pulled out her reader, there was a message from the Control Brain. It did not seem particularly upset by the failure, but acknowledged that it had occurred. It was... almost unsettling to read its message directly on her tablet without a sender. It was is if it could freely type on her screen. 

** XIA. THE DELETION WAS UNSUCESSFUL. WE WILL ANALYZE THE FAILURE AND ATTEMPT IT AGAIN WHEN WE ARE MORE PREPARED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.  **

That was it, no anger, no sadness, no remorse or fear. Just analysis. Truly they were the perfect beings for ruling-second only to Xia herself- their minds unclouded by emotion. 

Xia began paperwork on the prison break as Vero flopped about like a  smeet on graduation day. He did not seem worried that moments ago they had almost died. It was a little curious that he was able to override the door... but Vero had always been good with technology. He had been fascinated by it from a young age. In that sense (and also in the sense that he was terrible and useless) he was a bit like defect  Zim , who was alleged to have been quite the inventor before his death. Vero seemed to be good with codes and protocol. Shame he was tall, he might have made a good PAK technician, but his short attention span and lackadaisical attitude made for a terrible leader. 

“Oh shit, Sym is calling.” Vero sat up fumbling to pull a communicator out of his pocket. Xia had not heard it ring, but she rolled her eyes. 

“Put it on speaker.” 

“No~” Vero grinned at her. “I don’t want you to hear about my torrid love affair~” He feigned a swooning motion. “Sym and I are passionately in love.” 

“Oh?” Xia did not believe him for a moment. “She’s not your usual type.” 

“You don’t know me. You don’t know my life. You don’t know how much milk I like in my cereal, Sis, you know nothing.” Xia winced at the use of that obnoxious human nickname he had managed to scrounge up.

“And when, exactly, did you start expressing romantic interest in  _ female _ Irkens , Vero?” She lifted one of her antennae, eyes narrowed skeptically. Vero stuck his tongue out at her and walked into the other room with the communicator. Xia shook her head. It wasn’t worth chasing him down. It probably was Sym chewing him out about his gross incompetence. So, Xia went back to her work, she could hear Vero talking a little bit in the next room, nothing weird, just discussing drapes and colors ( Rodamnit , he had the fucking interior decorator on the phone, no wonder he didn’t want her to hear- she had clearly told him there  would be a war  _ first _ ). 

_ BLINK. _

Xia shook her head as a flash of light under the plush blankets, wedged deep in the cushion of the bed on which Vero had been rolling about grabbed her attetion. She stood, following the blinking light to see a much smaller communicator. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he was rolling around. It didn’t look like any communicator she had ever seen before. It was oddly shaped, made no noise, and only had a small blinking light to let her know there was an incoming transmission. In fact, if she not had such superior ocular implants, she might have missed the light all together. Curiosity got the better of her, cautiously she pressed the button in the center, jumping backward and taking refuge behind a cushion in case this was some sort of trap that Vero had concocted to get her out of the way so he could have all the say in the curtain choice for the Tallests’ Quarters. The device trembled for a moment and Xia closed her eyes, covering her PAK and turning away. 

But then... nothing. 

“Vero?” That voice! That FUCKING voice!? “Vero, are you there? We need to talk.” It was their genetic donor- Tallest Red- but how could that be!? He was DEAD! 

“Pass phrase!” There was a second voice she didn’t recognize. “I made a passphrase for a reason!” She peeked over the cushion. There was her dead predecessor, surrounded by other deceased  Irkens (and some she didn’t recognize). The speaker was a very small  Irken that had not made it into frame. She could only see his antennae. “It could be anyone out there.”

“What is the meaning of this!?” Xia came out from hiding, filled with energy fueled by a new found rage that was burning deep within her. 

“Xia!” Tallest Red withdrew, looking shocked. “Oh! Xia! Thank Mothra, you need to stop the Control Brains they-” As he spoke, her eyes were scanning the group. In their midst was none other than Defect Zim. This wasn’t just a call from the dead- this was a fucking mutiny. 

“Shut up old man!” 

“Xia, we’re still alive. You need to listen to us-”

“Is that supposed to make me feel good!? The only joy I have felt in these past few days is knowing that Almighty Tallest Purple was rotting in the pits of hell and I’m supposed to be happy to see you are all alive?!”

“Okay, wow, ouch.” Purple was there too, that Purple fucking bastard. 

“Xia, listen to me, you need to reign in the Control Brains. The Syndicate is innocent!” Red was trying hard to use reason, but there was no reasoning with scum.

“Fuck the Syndicate!”

“Xia! We’re not dead. You realize what that means right!?”

“It means you are traitors and to betray the  Irken Might is worse than to die serving us!” Her head was spinning. She grabbed the communicator in her hand. She reared back, ready to throw it, to shatter it  into a thousand pieces when Vero entered, (most likely brought in by the sounds of her angry shouting). She looked at him, her eyes burning with hate. 

“Xia!” he saw the communicator in her hand. “I-I can explain.” 

“Explain in the cells you fucking piece of shit.” And with that she threw the communicator to the wall, shattering it against the metal. “GUARDS! TALLEST V IS A TRAITOR! BRING HIM TO OUR PRISONS AT ONCE!” The response time was impressive. Vero had just made it to the door when he was dogpiled by  Irkens in all black. He struggled to free himself, but was no match for the surrounding team. As they restrained him, Xia looked down at her Tube-Mate. The struggle with the guards had left his cheeks bruised, but he looked to be in somewhat decent shape. (He wasn’t much to look at originally, so the scratches weren’t that big of a deal- they would heal in a few moments anyway- so long as his PAK still functioned properly. It did not seem as if the PAK had been damaged.) As their eyes met, Xia glowered. “I should have you executed right now. But you still need a proper trial.” That was her payback for saving her life. One more day before justice was brought upon him. 

“Xia, please this is crazy! We were raised together! You can’t do this to me!” Vero's crimson eyes were wide, they looked wet, as if he were holding back tears. For the first time since Xia had known him, Vero looked truly afraid. 

_ Good.  _

“Take him away.” 

“Xia! No! XIA!” She could hear him screaming her name as he was dragged off. Xia took a deep breath. This was for the greater good. The Control Brains had been right about Vero. They were right not to trust him. He would sell out all of Irk for a single  corn chip . 

Xia threw the door to her quarters open, marching down the hall toward the elevator that would take her back, deep into the bowels of the ship to the Control Brain’s room. Her Tallests’ robes billowed around her with every step. No one dared meet her gaze. She reached the chamber without interruption. 

“Vero was a traitor.” 

“ ** This was as you feared. It is possible your Tube-Mate was defective. ** ” The Control Brain sounded perfectly calm, despite the chaos all around, it maintained complete tranquility. “ ** You were wise to suspect him Xia. ** ” 

“I... I was, wasn’t I...?” She shook herself of any lingering concern for Vero. He had made his bed- six feet under the ground- and now it was time to lie in it. The Control Brain was right, she was wise to have been concerned. 

“ ** Things will be able to move more smoothly now that we have a true leader in power. ** ” 

“That’s right,” she took a deep breath, calming herself. “I will be able to do a lot more now that I’m in charge.”

“ ** Rest now, Tallest X. You have a planet to run, and a trial to put together for your Tube-Mate. Take it easy and relax, you have earned it. Nothing can be done for 24 more hours regardless due to the terrible laws of Tallest Red and Purple. ** ”

“You’re right...” She nodded heading back toward the exit, “I’m going to relax, then un-make the forty-eight-hour law, and then...  _ then _ things will change.” 

“ ** Of course ** ** they will, because we have such a brilliant leader. ** ” 

Xia finally relaxed, heading back up to her room. She had earned this rest. There was no more paperwork tonight. Tomorrow she could undo the chaos on the Massive and finally get the war under way. (It may have been her imagination, but as she passed the Agenda Office, it looked as if Sym was glaring at her. Vero had obviously been lying about their affair as Sym very clearly had been expressing interest in that fry cook  Irken \- so why was she upset? Xia had done nothing wrong, in fact, she had helped Irk!). The very realization that her leaders had lived and turned traitor made her sick to her  squeedly-spooch . It was a lot to process. 

She took a different cushion than the one that Vero had named: Dibs... It just... didn’t look comfortable anymore. 

She took a long, much needed rest. No one could declare war without sufficient sleep, after all. (That was one of Tallest Spork’s sayings). 

She awoke feeling better, more assured in her position. Ruling alone suited her better. Vero had always been dead weight. She walked calmly back to the Agenda Office. She must have been seeing things with Sym, as the Chief of Agenda didn’t seem to be particularly angry with her as she arrived back downstairs. She was at her computers, typing hurriedly. “Good morning, My Tallest. How can I assist you, today?” She looked up. 

“Ah yes, Sym, the forty-eight hours has passed so now I can change the legal code again. I need to unmake the forty-eight-hour law” Xia spoke firmly. 

“All right...” Sym pulled up the little screen again. “Just sign here and...” Xia signed but Sym had trailed off. “Oh dear...” 

“Oh... dear...?” Xia could feel anger starting to stir in her once more. 

“I am sorry, Almighty Tallest X... it seems... you forgot to change Vero’s status in the system. He is still technically your co-ruler and this law needs his signature to change. It is a simple fix; you just need to bring him to the Control Brain for a recoding.” Xia inhaled deeply, calming herself. It was a very simple fix. No need to get mad. 

She headed back toward the prison cells. It would be a simple in and out mission. She just had to get Vero’s rank changed. He still had to go through his trial anyway. She reached the cell without much issue. “Vero, I know you don’t want to hear this but-”

Xia stopped short. 

He was gone. 

“THAT SON OF A BITCH!”

* * *

Art for this chapter! I made [Almighty Tallests V and X!](https://imgur.com/a/huUb6AP)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! The plot continues to thicken! Things are looking bad on Irk! What do you guys think? We'll probably be rejoining the main cast soon, but did you like this sideways jump to Irk?


	38. Instinct

"Vero? Xia!?" Voel gripped his communicator more tightly as he heard commotion in the background. Xia sounded angrier than he had ever heard her before. Her voice was trembling as she shouted at her co-ruler. 

"Explain in the cells you fucking piece of shit." He heard Xia speak before the line went dead in his hand. Voel stood there for a moment feeling as if he was very far away from his own body, watching the static on the screen from somewhere above. 

"Vero...? Xia....?" The sound of his own voice snapped him back to reality and he realized his hand was shaking. "No no no- Vero!?" He knew they couldn't hear him but he for some reason kept shouting into the dead device. "Xia don't hurt him! Vero!? VERO!?" The sound of fuzzy static was drowned out by the heavy, pounding of his cardiac-spooch. His face felt hot, and yet a cold sweat was clinging to his skin. 

No. 

Xia wouldn't do this- Xia _couldn't_ do this! Not to her own Tube-Mate- not to Vero! This wasn't happening. 

"Voel...?" Zim finally spoke to him but Voel almost couldn't hear him over that pounding in his head. "Are you-" 

"I'm commandeering your ship." Voel cut Zim off as he turned to look at Sizz-Lorr who was standing quietly off to the side. 

"Wait, what?" Sizz-Lorr blinked. 

"Your ship, give it to me. I am going to the Massive." 

"You can't go to the Massive, are you crazy!?" Skoodge very quickly interjected. 

"Vero needs me. I am going to go get him." 

"You will get killed if you do that. Think about it logically for a second." It was stupid to see short, tiny Skoodge daring to stand up to him. It would have been laughable if Voel had been in any mood for humor. 

"I am not going to leave Vero there! She'll kill him! She is acting crazy!" 

"And _you_ are acting crazy too!" Skoodge wasn't backing down. 

"Voel, please" Zim hesitated to speak, "just… listen to him." Stupid Zim, taking Skoodge's side. Had they not watched that whole exchange? Didn't they realize Xia was going power-mad already? If they left Vero there, she might- no- _absolutely not_. She wouldn't get away with it. 

"I am getting my spear." 

"Voel! No!" Zim grabbed his arm. "That is a terrible idea. Trust me. I know terrible ideas because I have to listen to Dib's all the time!" 

"What? Hey!" Dib, like the rest of the room had been very quiet as the exchange had taken place. Only now choosing to speak once he had been insulted. "You are like the King of bad ideas, Zim!" 

"No. That's a lie. YOU LIE!" He pointed past Voel, wiggling his finger accusingly at Dib. "All of my ideas are brilliant! BRILLIANT!" He dropped instantly back to a normal volume. "It isn't my fault your big head still has a brain too stupid and mushy to understand my genius." 

"Am I the only one who felt Xia was really mad at me, _specifically_ , for some reason?" Therron spoke up. "Is it because I am better looking than her... or...?" Therron trailed off as Voel reared back, whirling around, first making contact with the wall beside him. Everyone fell quiet.

"Enough of this nonsense!" Voel tried to shake Zim off of him but the smaller had a rather impressive grip. "I am going to get Vero- he's my smeet! I mean-" this was a frustrating feeling he couldn't put into words. "I mean he has my DNA!" More smeets could have shared some of his genetic code, this shouldn't bother him so much. But Vero and Xia were half his. They even looked like him. And for some reason the idea of Xia killing Vero was making his squeedly-spooch churn. 

"He's your son, it's normal to be concerned for him." For some unknown reason Dib thought he had permission to talk to Voel about this. That human had **_no_** understanding at _all_ about how **_he_** felt! "But Xia only said she was locking him in prison." 

"Only until she puts him on trial. She could have him executed for treason..." Voel got into the human's face, inching closer to him. "Vero said before she was already enacting that punishment for even thinking we may be alive. With him actually helping us... why would she do this to him!?" His mind was racing. 

"Why is it upsetting you so much?" Therron really didn't understand the anxiety that twisted Voel's organs into knots. "I mean, sure we're losing our contact but I'm sure Zeke has other sources. " 

"I do." Zeke piped up. 

"SHUT UP!" Voel whirled around, his teeth bared as he aggressively approached Therron. "Vero wasn't just an informant!" Sure Vero was annoying and an asshole but he was part of Voel! "He _is **my** smeet_!" 

"You can make a new one..." Therron suggested, withdrawing slightly. Voel wanted more than ever, to strangle his former co-ruler. 

"I don't WANT a new smeet! I want Vero! I need him to be okay I just..." his eyes stung, every part of him was trembling and he could hear the whirring and humming of his PAK going into overdrive in an attempt to regulate his emotions. 

" _Sounds to me a bit like someone still has their paternal instinct. I'm not surprised in general by the idea, just a tad surprised you, of all your pitiful little Irkens, have the trait._ " 

Voel didn't recognize the voice, but he knew only one _being_ here would dare speak to him with such derogatory condescension. Q was relaxing, lounging out across the table in its humanoid form. The voice he had been using was deep, almost entrancing- nothing like the one he had used before when the Syndicate had given him a voice. 

"Why can we understand you?" Skoodge narrowed his eyes. 

"And what the fuck are you talking about!?" Voel added, this was the last being in the universe he wanted to deal with at this moment. 

" _The Syndicate have used the translator for me before._ " That deep, melodic voice was making Voel incredibly uncomfortable. Q gestured to the bandage apparatus on his neck, the same one from the trial with the Syndicate High Council. 

"Yes, but it didn't sound like that!" Therron looked just as weirded-out as Voel felt. 

"It... um..." the medic spoke up, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It short circuited when Carrius and I were doing repairs and D3R1K hasn't gotten around to fixin' it yet." 

"Well, it's terrible. I hate it." Therron retorted quickly. 

"Oh, trust me, we all do. But now he won't stop wearing it." Lor crossed his arms over his chest. 

" _Come on, my new voice is nice~_ " the Parasite spoke in almost a purr. 

"Oh Mothra!" Therron made a face of visible disgust. "It's so uncomfortably sultry!" 

“What are you talking about, Q?” The idea that the Parasite had an uncomfortable amount of knowledge about his species was not something Voel liked to think about. Q was a disturbing creature made out of flesh and hate- the worst the universe had to offer. But his speech at the High Council summit indicated his knowledge on the Irken race delved deeper than anyone dared admit. He had been alive at the time of Tallest Dayleah- Irk's first Tallest. 

“ _Back before the PAKs and the smeetery, Irkens did have family units. They were known to be very protective of their young. The instinct must still run deep in Irken blood. You’re increased aggression could be a remnant of a much older time._ ” 

“How is any of this going to help Vero!?” 

“ _I suppose it won’t in the immediate future, but it is all interesting. Usually, as an Irken, you read like a machine- but when you are deeply... passionate like this, I can actually sense a very faint hint of an emotion._ ” That serpentine grin slithered across his face revealing the needle like teeth. Voel grimaced, looking away. 

“And that is supposed to make me feel _better_?” 

“ _No. But I don’t benefit if you feel **better**._” 

Of. Fucking. Course. 

“I’m going to the Massive. I can’t let Xia hurt Vero. If anything happens to him...” He straightened up, looking to the Tangean Captain who had been quiet during the whole exchange. "Give me one of your ships. The Frylord's ship won't be fast enough, but a Syndicate Ranger's vessel should be able to reach the Massive before the trial."

"That depends on how long a trial would take to set up. Even our fastest ship would be there in a month." The Captain remained calm despite how close Voel was getting to her. He was frustrated, no one seemed to want to help him- Vero was so stupid to get caught-

Xia can't have been serious. 

"Give it to me anyway. "

"You know that I can't do that." She was driving him crazy with how she stood there, stone faced while chaos was unfolding on his home planet. Weren't the Syndicate supposed to be their friends!?

"Yes you can. You have the High Councilman's sons in your crew! Order anything and they will give it to you."

"If we do that, then everything we are working towards here on Earth is for nothing." Captain Rose replied, meeting his gaze with her icy blue eyes.

He stood there, towering over her (despite her impressive height) glowering down at the insolent fool who cared nothing about what was happening back home. He bared his teeth but she stayed stoic. "Fine." He practically spat the words in her face. "I don't need your fucking ship. I'll take the one from Zim's place." 

"Voel-" Zim tried to protest but Voel ignored his attempts. He turned and bolted at full speed out of the Syndicate base. If no one was going to help him, that was fine. He could do this on his own. He was the Red Death after all.

He had his human disguise back on, though it wasn't like anyone could see him as he scaled buildings, running across dingy, cement rooftops turned a sickly grey by years of Earth's relentless pollution. His PAK legs were able to keep him balanced, latching onto rusted grating as he ran through litter-covered alleys as if they were obstacle courses back on Irk. It felt almost freeing to run and jump again the way he had back in his Elite days. None of the other Irkens would be able to catch him- the Kryptonian medic might be able to get him- but he doubted anyone bothered to follow. This planet was a nightmare anyway- he was glad to be getting out. 

He reached Zim's place, going to one of the stupid little windows in Zim's crudely replicated Earth house. He reared his arm back to break it- he needed to get his spear from within- but the window popped open and he stumbled a bit. The door opened as well and Voel stood in the entry way, antennae straight up, trying to sense any vibrations from the ceiling.

"You aren't going to try to stop me?" He knew that defunct Control Brain and the Mad SIR were somewhere around.

" **I do not see the point.** " Sure enough, the hologram shimmered into view. Voel walked inside, making a point to push straight through the hologram. " **That was uncalled for.** "

"I don't have time to fuck around with defective toys." He found his spear still on the wall where Zim had placed it. He grabbed it whirling around to point it at CB who's body stopped short, just shy of getting impaled through the throat. "I thought you didn't see the point in stopping me."

" **I do not.** " The robot reiterated.

"Then why were you trying to sneak up on me?"

" **I was not. I simply wanted to tell you that you are acting irrationally and I didn't want you walking through me again because that is very uncomfortable for me."**

"Shut up, bot." Voel didn't feel like dealing with CB's shenanigans any longer. He started toward the door again. This time he felt something on his leg. "I thought I told you-" he cut off turning to see CB still behind him. He looked down, GIR was clinging to him, looking up with bright, electric eyes, like headlights in the darkness of the empty house. 

" **Why are you so sad**???" The SIR didn't seem particularly intelligent so it was unlikely that it actually knew Voel was upset- and more likely that one of its random phrases it enjoyed spouting off just coincidentally coincided with the current situation.

"I'm not sad," Voel growled, annoyed at these constant distractions. "I'm mad!"

" **WHY ARE YOU MAD!?** " the SIR repeated its question with a shrill shriek. 

" **Because his daughter locked his son away in prison and might try to kill him.** " CB's explanation only served to make Voel even more annoyed. These dumb computers were the bane of his existence. 

" **Ooooohhhhhhh**." GIR nodded and released Voel's leg. " **I GET IT**!"

"No! You don't!" Voel was glad the SIR had decided to release him, but that annoying, squeal of a voice was grating his already non-existent patience. "You don't get anything! I made you out of scraps and shit I had in my pockets!" GIR blinked up at him tongue poking out of its mouth as it stared dumbly at the raging Irken. Stupid thing didn't even seem upset at being insulted. Instead, GIR's legs extended until he was tall enough to pat Voel on the head.

" **I KNOW JUUUUST WHAT TO DO!** " Before Voel could swipe at him, the SIR returned to its normal size and sprinted away singing a song about 'spleen pain'.

"Idiot." Voel turned back toward the door. The ship was in the yard still, poorly disguised as a car. He reached the door unopposed, surprised no arms came from the ceiling to stop him, or that the door didn't shut and lock in his face. He looked over his shoulder at CB who was fixing some of the wiring GIR had messed up. "You really aren't going to try to stop me?"

" **It would be pointless**." The robot did not bother to look at him. He walked back outside to the ship, opening the doors, getting to the pilot's chair. It was still uncomfortably small for him, but that didn't matter. He powered on the ship and it shuddered to life. He went to begin the launch sequence, when an alarm began to blare, reverberating around the already cramped ship. He looked for the source of the wail only to see the fuel was almost completely depleted. 

Voel gave an angry cry, slamming both hands down on the ship's steering mechanism, causing more alarms to whine as he kicked and punched at the bulky, uncomfortable controls that were poking into him, smothering him. He kicked and screamed and clawed at the ship's stifling interior until he eventually just collapsed, heavily, over the steering wheel, listening to the blaring drone of various alarms that were predominantly masked by that unshakeable pounding in his head. He lay there for a moment, motionless save for the heaving in his chest as he tried to catch his breath. The alarms fell silent.

"You fucking knew there was no fuel, you ass!"

" **I did. That is why I said stopping you would be pointless. You were never going to get far."** That stupid AI answered him from within the ship. It figured that wannabe Control Brain was still lingering in the ship's computer.

"Fuck you."

" **Your anger has been noted.** "

There was a knock on the ship's door. Voel thought for a moment it might be the body for CB, but then quickly remembered that the AI had never shown that sort of tact. 

"GO AWAY!" Voel shouted angrily at the door. The doors swung open. "Son of a bitch, CB." Figures that AI wouldn't listen. 

"Voel, you can't go to the Massive." Zim was standing at the door, Skoodge with him because of course he fucking was. Like always, Zim didn't wait for an invitation and instead, walked in the ship as if he owned it. Voel didn't bother picking himself up out of his slumped position over the steering wheel. 

"Yeah because there's no fuel. Your AI let me figure that out on my own." 

"Well yes, that is one reason. Another reason is that we need you here. If you go to the Massive, the Control Brains will make the Irkens attack you; and Voel is such a great warrior that a lot if Irkens would be killed trying to get you. They would still get you, and we would have to get Therron to be our figure head and tactician. Do you want to trust _Therron_ to take down the Control Brains?" Zim lifted an antenna quizzically.

"Well... no..." Therron was smart, that was something easily overlooked. But Voel had military knowledge, he had experience with combat; when Impending Doom II was underway it was with Voel's strategies that they were successful. Therron was a different sort of intelligent. He was cunning and sly, he was great at winning over rival planets by saying whatever it was that they wanted to hear. Therron was ill equipped to lead a rebellion. 

"And you heard Xia," Zim continued, repeating his earlier point, "Vero was going to be imprisoned. "

"I know that but for how long!?" Voel could feel that beating in his chest start all over again. "How long until the Control Brains convince her to kill him!? How long until she plays right into their trap!? How.... how..." tears were burning in his eyes, his words became choked. "How could Xia do this to me?"

"Being betrayed sucks." Skoodge spoke up. "And it sounds like those Elites are pretty important to you so it makes sense that you are upset, but you're still the Tallest in the eyes of a lot of Irkens. A lot of Irkens who fought the call of the Control Brains to come all this way out to a miserable little planet called Earth."

"What do _you_ know about betrayal!?" Voel narrowed his eyes at the fat Irken sitting at Zim's side.

"You strapped me to a bomb." Skoodge replied flatly.

"Fair point..." sure it was obvious Skoodge would survive that, but in retrospect that hadn't been very nice. Voel put his head in his hands. "I don't suppose you'll accept an apology?"

"I don't need one. If you guys hadn't been truly awful, I wouldn't have ended up here. I probably would have been one of those brainwashed Irkens trying to kill the Syndicate. Were you in the wrong? Yeah. Was that pretty fucked up? Definitely. But dwelling on it won’t do us any good now." 

"And Zim knows the feeling of deep, spooch-wrenching betrayal as well! I feel it every time I ask GIR or CB to do something for me!" Zim mused. Voel almost laughed. 

"You are right... I have to be a good leader... for once..." he looked directly to Skoodge. "Or at least try..." he looked up at the ceiling of the ship. "It is sad, I never even wanted to be Tallest. I wanted to be a general." 

"I remember that..." Zim gave him an empathetic little nod. "And you would have been a mighty general indeed! But that isn't how Mothra planned things."

"You're absolutely right, and that sucks. I want to help Vero but..." he took a deep breath, lowering his gaze till it fell on Zim. "Vero might be able to get himself out of this- he's an asshole and I think he's lazy as sin- but he's a clever, lazy asshole." He gave Zim a more reassured smile. "It's in his genes." 

"Jeans?" Zim repeated, tilting his head in confusion. "Vero would look silly in jeans and I doubt he would even know what they are since I've only ever seen them on Earth."

"Yes Zim," a smile was playing on Voel's face, sad, but calmer, as he tried to hide his amusement with his hand. "That is exactly what I meant. Vero wants a pair of Earth-pants."

"It is a weird request but YES!" Zim hopped up into the window of the little ship. "WE WILL RESCUE VERO AND BRING HIM PANTS!" He cleared his throat, "once we are more prepared, of course, and once we get his pants size."

"He will be an extra long for sure, in whatever size we go with." Skoodge piped up. Voel was surprised he was playing along as the ex-leader was certain that Skoodge knew damn well they weren't really discussing pants.

The door to the ship slid open and GIR marched in carrying a plate with waffles stacked up higher than his head. **"I BROUGHT YOU THIS SO YOU WON'T BE SAD!** "

Voel doubted the SIR could be trusted to cook, but the thought was nice. 

He still wanted to check on Vero, but the reality was that if Vero couldn't get out on his own, it was doubtful that Voel could reach him before anything happened. Captain Rose was right, even with the fastest Syndicate ship he was too far away. He needed to just trust that things were going to work out for the best. After all, he had a good group of Irkens (and Zeke?) working with him to try and save their home. He couldn't put it all at risk despite how much he wanted to.

Skoodge was right about him having been a bad leader in the past.

Now things were going to be different. 

They had to be.

Voel looked to see Zim and Skoodge had both actually chosen to eat GIR's cooking. Poor choice in Voel's opinion, but he had made his own share of bad decisions today. He looked at both of them, finally relaxing just a bit. "Hey guys?" Zim and Skoodge looked up mouth full of sticky waffle and whatever else GIR had arbitrarily thrown in the food. "Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shorter chapter! I had a busy week (it's a holiday here this week). I hope you all still are enjoying the story!


	39. Mysterious as the Dark Side of the Moon

When Skoodge had been asked, by Voel himself, to help train the Irken newcomers in the ways of combat, he had actually been flattered. It was the first time that Skoodge had felt respected by his leaders. It had been a big move for Voel to ask anything of him, especially something like this. Skoodge was supposed to help train combat and fighting techniques, while Tenn would handle marksmanship, and while Zim would help in weapons. He didn't know quite what to expect. These were cooks, cleaners, lawyers, retail workers, and journalists. They had never seen combat (well the fast-food Irkens at Sloogorgh's might have seen something similar during the foodening) but it wasn't real combat with other races. Still he was top of his class for a reason. He knew his job and he knew what it took to try and do it well. What he did not know, however, was how truly and completely terrible all these Irkens would be in the field. 

"Dav don't apologize to Sizz-Lorr! You are supposed to be fighting in mortal combat!"

"B-but he's my boss!" Dav squeaked, antennae going straight up as he was called out.

"Yes but remember what we are doing? We are pretending..." Skoodge trailed off allowing Dav a chance to finish for him.

"Pretending... that he is an enemy  Irken ...?" It was almost a question the way Dav's voice inflection shifted upward at the end and his head tilted to the side, squinting at  Skoodge as if he had just grown a second head.

"Right. And if this were the throws of battle and Sizz-Lorr was a brainwashed Elite under the control of the Control Brains, would you take the time to formally apologize between every hit?" Skoodge pressed. 

"Yes?" Dav asked hesitantly. 

"No!"  Skoodge threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “NO!” He pinched the area of skin between his eyes feeling a bit of his already dwindling hope in the plan dissipate like water on a hot day, or like a human female's romantic interest in the Membrane Clone after hearing him talk. Dav looked between Sizz-Lorr and Skoodge clearly distraught. 

"But that is customer service 101! Always apologize especially when it wasn't actually your fault!" 

" Mothra be praised,"  Skoodge took a deep breath, "Dav this isn't customer service. It's war, man." He placed a hand on Dav’s shoulder, sounding defeated.

"To be fair, on Foodcourtia, those are very similar." Sizz-Lorr interjected. Skoodge shook his head. 

"Okay, Dav, you need to tap into your anger. You need to harness your inner warrior. You're Irken, for Mothra's sake. Aren't you?"

"Yes?" Dav blinked.

"Okay then," Skoodge would need to change his tactics, try talking to Dav on his own level, "act like I am a rude critic lying about your food on all of my reviews." 

"That's horrible!"

"It _ is _ horrible, so now what will you do?"  Skoodge was actually shorter than Dav, so perhaps it would be easier for the fast food  Irken to use aggression with him versus the taller Sizz-Lorr. 

"I will march up to you and ask you to stop!"

"Okay," Skoodge took an aggressive stance of his own, invading Dav's space, lifting himself on his PAK legs to get into Dav's face. "And what if I don't want to stop!"

"Then I will write a very sternly worded letter to your supervisor and they will not like what I have to say!" Dav was letting  Skoodge take the dominant position, despite being on the taller side for an  Irken , Dav was incredibly passive. It was a little strange, to be honest. This wasn't even difficult military  tactics; this was basic training and should have been downloaded into his PAK already.  Yes they were all cut from the Collective, but that just stopped a flow of new information and should have had no effect on information already downloaded. 

"N... no."  Skoodge sighed. "You two keep... keep sparring, I am going to see how the others are doing." He turned, seeing Tenn working with a group of lawyer  Irkens at the shooting range, and  Zim ranting to the journalist  Irkens while they vigorously took notes. Zeke was filming the whole thing excitedly.  Skoodge watched the fast-food  Irkens stumble over  each other for a bit longer before seeking out Voel and Therron. This was supposed to be  _ their _ war,  Rodamnit , he was not about to deal with the brunt himself. He ventured deeper into the Syndicate base. Out of habit, he dodged around the security cameras, skirting the walls, moving from blind spot to blind spot. The movements came naturally to him. He happened, at last, upon Captain Rose who was currently beating the shit out of her human cadet. Dib held up his hand and she stopped.

"Take five. I gotta sit for a second." He pleaded, hunched over on the ground. The Captain knelt down, helping him to his feet.

"Your reflexes still need work, but your resilient, I'll give you that." 

"You are really fast." Dib wheezed, getting to his feet with a visible wince.

"You think I'm tough? Try fighting Carrius in hand to hand or bladed weapon combat, the guy is a beast." She mused. "Why don't you head to med bay and see if you can get patched up? I will check up on you in a few."

"Sounds like a plan." As Dib started limping away, the Captain called out to him.

"And please remember that Lor is working right now? I don't want a repeat of what happened last time." Her eyes narrowed and Dib's face turned an interesting shade of red. 

"Hey don't blame me! Paul was supposed to-"

"It's pronounced  _ Pawl _ ."

"Forget it!" Flustered, the Membrane Clone stormed off in quite a hurry despite his injuries. 

"That training seems to be going well." As Skoodge spoke, the Captain let out a cry, whirling around and nearly blasting the Irken in the face with her pistol.

"Sweet All-Mother, how in the fuck are you so sneaky!?" The Captain placed a hand over the location of her primary, cardiac organ, which for her species was in the middle of her chest. 

"It's my job to be sneaky. I  _ was _ an Invader, after all."  Skoodge had been shot at many times by far worse than a Syndicate Captain so he didn't bat an eye. "Have you seen Voel?" 

"He and Therron were in the navigation chambers. They are probably still there. Q was uh...  _ helping _ them out I believe. " She gave a knowing look to the robust Irken who nodded. 

" So expect good moods all around. "  Skoodge made a face. "Fan-fucking- tastic ." Q had to be getting some sort of chaotic enjoyment out if the misery of the  Tallests .  Skoodge suspected the reasoning was some sort of revenge on Voel for his injury. It was unusual for a Parasite to stick around this long in one location, they were typically fickle creatures. Though, the  Irken logs had them as being non-intelligent and that seemed to be a straight up lie, so  Skoodge was beginning to doubt the veracity of  Irken intelligence. 

Skoodge entered the Syndicate Navigation Chambers to find Voel looking over a map of Irk's home galaxy and Therron hitting Q (who was hanging off of the ceiling like an Earth-bat) with a broom. It was the first time in recent memory that Skoodge had ever recalled seeing Therron actually  _ use _ a broom, even if it was not for its intended purpose.

"Therron leave him alone." Voel looked tried as he didn't bother turning to face the commotion behind him. "You’re just bothering me at this point."

" _ All I did was offer my services _ ," Q still had that translation device on his neck, and the cool, smooth voice was making Therron more agitated. 

"Stop with the sexy speak!" Therron managed to almost get a hit on Q, but the Parasite, head caved inward, causing the broom to fall just short of its intended target. "You're weirdly sultry voice is a distraction!"

" _ You like it~ _ " Q purred back.

"I don't even think  _ you _ like it." Voel spoke up, eyes never leaving the map. "You are just doing it because it bothers Therron." Q melted into a pile of liquid flesh, dripping down off the ceiling, getting bits of himself on Therron's broom before the pile splattered on the floor, pulling itself together into the humanoid form if Q lying on his stomach, resting a cheek on his hand, grin bisecting his face. 

" _ You wound me, Tallest Red, and after I so selflessly offered my services to you for combat training. _ " 

"Combat training?" Red made a motion as if to roll his eyes. "Q, you would slaughter them. They're civilians."

" _ I would slaughter them for educational purposes _ . "

"Uh huh." Voel seemed unconvinced of Q's ** alleged ** good intentions. 

"Hey Voel, about training..." Skoodge spoke up and Therron let out a loud cry, reeling back as if he had been slapped accross his face. 

"How long have you been standing there!?" Therron demanded angrily. Skoodge shrugged. 

"Not long."

"Well announce yourself next time and ask if there is anything you can do for me because I have an empty drink that needs refilling!" Therron waved a fruity smelling cup in Skoodge's face.

"Ask Tak to get it for you."

"I can't!" Therron sighed dramatically. "Don't you think I've tried!? But no! Voel has her getting specs for Syndicate ships. Which is NOT more important than my drink,  _ Voel _ !"

" Yes it is ." Voel retorted without missing a beat. "Tak is a good pilot, she knows Syndicate technology, she needs to find the best ship to get us back to Irk when the time comes."

"Ugh, fine." Therron huffed. "Then it falls back on you, Skoodge."

" Skoodge is busy too." Voel's reply caught  Skoodge a bit off guard. "He is training our  army; he is one of our generals now." Voel had never once stood up for him before. "General  Skoodge , what have you to report?" Voel turned to face him.  Skoodge shook off the feeling of surprise and straightened his posture into a proper  Irken salute. 

...  _ General _ Skoodge...

It had a nice ring to it.

" _ Maybe he is finally quitting this disaster _ . " Q suggested, looking lazily up at the group. 

"I think the human is in the med bay getting patched up after the Captain beat him up. He probably took a hit to his ego, why not feed on his misery and actually gain sustenance?" Skoodge gestured to the door. Q perked up.

" _ Ooooh _ ,  _ That _ _ does sound promising _ ." Q slithered passed  Skoodge and out of the door. Figures he couldn't miss a meal. Now, Dib could be bothered for a few hours instead of the ex- Tallests and the other  Irkens .  Skoodge sighed, composing  himself before he started.

"Sir, I know you want these Irkens to be a military, and I know your expectations weren't high, but... I think maybe your expectations should be zero. " 

"That isn't good news Skoodge. " Voel narrowed his eyes. "Go back out and try that again, I want good news."

"The good news is that  _ maybe _ we'll die quickly."  Skoodge gave him a double thumbs up. Voel looked unamused by the forced enthusiasm. "Look I know you want an army but these  Irkens are just... just  _ terrible _ . The worst hit I have taken was a blow to my ego from one of the  journalist Irkens saying the camera may have  _ subtracted _ ten pounds in my case. I mean they are actually, unfathomably bad. I can't even get them to properly execute basic training." 

"That's impossible. " Voel crossed his arms over his chest. " _ Every _ Irken had to go through basic training. It was mandatory."

"I am telling  you, they have _ no _ combat skill  _ whatsoever _ ."  Skoodge insisted. 

"That doesn't make sense!" Voel reiterated his point. "All  Irkens serve five years of basic training. It  _ wa _ s the law. It's not like anyone could..." he looked at Therron, slowly. "You didn't... you couldn't... it takes  _ two signatures _ to un-make a law. You would have needed me to agree!" There was a long moment of silence as Voel glared down Therron who was sitting against a back wall, as far away from them as he could get. Finally, Therron begrudgingly caved.

"Ugh, I hid it in the Probing Day reports you signed off on." Voel was livid, Skoodge could see the anger glinting in his eyes.

"You UNDID the MILITARY MANDATE!?"

"I knew you never read those reports all the way through."

" _ Therron _ ! What the ABSOLUTE FUCK!?"

"First of all, after Spork, there was actually a work deficit and we needed to shunt the work force through more quickly for civilian jobs, but also you know it is just a long time and that really good waiter at  Floogian's was about to go into his military mandate..."

"Is this about Gil the waiter!?"

"He was a good waiter, Voel!"

"He was a  _ terrible _ waiter! He was just tall and told you that you looked nice every time we went! He never even got our orders right!"

"You know sometimes being a waiter is less about the food and more about the experience. "

"It  _ is entirely about the food _ \- Therron this isn't the fucking point- you took away military training and so now every one of these younger civilians is completely new to the idea of fighting and we are going up against the  Mothra -damned Elites!" Voel spun around his heel, pacing back and forth, speaking a string of  Irken swears that  Skoodge was not ready to translate after such a horrendous day. 

"There’s a lot of yelling in here," Zim poked his head in the door. He must have given up on or simply forgotten about his own group of trainees. " Zim wishes to yell too!"

"Great!” Voel didn’t sound like this was actually great. “So now two of our Generals have wandered in here.  Zim I don't suppose you have good news?" 

"Ha!" Zim laughed, puffing out his chest proudly. "Of course Zim has great news! I have successfully taught the journalist Irkens to catch GIR!"

"Is... that something  they needed to know how to do?" Voel looked a tad disheartened. 

"I suppose it could help with general reflexes," Skoodge patted Zim on the arm. "Good work." 

"Yes, I am truly amazing. I know. But even in all of my greatness, I have a few concerns I would like to bring up."

"Ah yes, please do," Voel gestured in front of himself, "my day can't possibly get worse."

"Voel you have us training an army, I see, a very bad, pitiful, weak army." Zim began, Voel sighed heavily.

" Yes that does seem to be the case because _ Therron  _ **_ apparently _ ** __ got rid of our military mandate. Sizz-Lorr and Zeke probably are old enough to have basic training but these younger generations..." Voel trailed off, massaging the sides of his head. It was true, Sizz-Lorr and Zeke seemed to be much older  Irkens than even  Skoodge or the  Tallests . 

"Yes well an army isn't really what we need, is it? We were all Elites once, even Therron for some reason." Zim continued, unabashed by Voel's annoyance at Therron. "We have seen the ground troops of Irk. Fighting them with what we have will be a disaster." Zim had seen the problem too, and that was saying something. As smart as Zim was, he often overlooked glaring logical flaws in favor of crazy schemes. It was part of what made Zim so fun- and also what made him a terrible Invader. 

"Yeah, I got that from Skoodge's lovely: 'we are going to die quickly' speech." Voel replied dryly.

"Yes well, we are going about this all wrong." Zim replied as-a-matter-a-factly. "We are thinking about this from the perspective of soldiers. You are thinking like the Tallests: justified wrath searing through your veins like a marching band of rabid weasels. You do as the weasels command. But you must ignore their weasely wrath! We need to think about this differently. This isn't a war."

"Well it isn't going to be one until the Syndicate decide to fully commit and give us a military backing." Skoodge nearly smirked at the idea.

"We don't have time to wait for all the red tape the Syndicate puts down to clear out of the way. You think they can declare war in a timely manner? They take two years to put up a water fountain."  Skoodge pointed out, recalling the exact incident in question as he had heard Tak complaining to Captain Fluorine about it at dinner one night.  Apparently, things had not gone quickly enough for her, or anyone else.

"All right then, what are you suggesting?" Voel looked down at the two smaller Irkens, Skoodge was surprised by how serious he was coming across. A part of Skoodge was suspicious that all of Voel's niceties and trust had been for show, but it seemed like he was genuinely interested in their advice. Zim took a deep breath as he went to the galaxy hologram Voel had been looking into, and pulled Irk from the array of planets. He blew up the image, large enough to make a point, and drew the single circular emblem for the Invader in the center- 

"We are Invaders, Voel, we have to do what we are best at."

"Invade Irk!? Are you defective!?" Voel withdrew a bit, staring at  Zim's little drawing as if it had leaped out of the hologram and slapped him  across his face. "We can't Invade our home planet! Even  Skoodge and Tenn couldn't pull a stunt like that. It's insane."

"They'll be looking for us too," surprisingly, Therron spoke up, "blending in is key to invasion and our best Invaders are wanted a criminal and dead." 

"I'm surprised you know that," Voel narrowed his eyes at Therron, looking him up and down with a  judgmental sort of disapproval. 

"Hey I know stuff!" Therron retorted indignantly. "Who do you think had to make light of all the Invasion techniques when we were being grilled by dignitaries? I talked our way out of so many tight spots!" 

"Look the point is we don't have the  Irkens for a  large-scale invasion. Maybe we have enough for like, a small catering operation, but that's it." Voel ignored Therron's protests.

"Ah, I miss catering." Therron sighed wistfully. 

"Well yes, it is true that Therron being terrible has put us in a bind,” Zim began. Therron quickly cut him off.

"HEY!" 

"But right now, his terribleness isn't the point."  Zim continued, not seeming to have heard Therron’s protest. "We have two top Invaders. Here. Myself and  Skoodge . Three if you count Tenn. Back to two if you count Tak." He lowered his voice to a whisper that was still a bit of a shout. "Tak really is that terrible." He returned to his normal speaking volume. "We could copy the coding basics into the other  Irkens ... 'sort of' " he made little quotation marks with his fingers " _ recoding them _ if you will. They won't be great Invaders and they'll still need a lot of practice and a strong battle plan, but it will be much easier."

"Great plan and all, and by  that I mean it's stupid," Therron scoffed, "because we don't even have a Control Brain so we can't do major PAK coding,  you dumbass." 

"Well... hmm..." Voel's reaction surprised Skoodge as the fallen leader cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. Skoodge had long ago figured out the secret meaning in CB's name but he was under the impression that outside of Zim himself, he was the only one who knew. But Voel's roundabout reaction gave him reason to question if he had figured it out as well. "Zim I'm not so sure we should be putting a job that big on CB. He is awfully young, isn't he?" 

So he  _ did _ know.

"Why would  Zim's home security system be able to recode our PAKs?" Therron was getting visibly upset by the revelation as  Skoodge saw him putting the pieces together. "That would make him a..." Therron whirled around to face  Zim . "That faceless abomination you pieced together from scraps is a fucking Control Brain!? Zim, that's creepy- even for you it- i-it's disturbing." He seemed legitimately upset, which was rarer than one might think. 

“It’s... not as bad as you think...” Voel was hesitant, and  Skoodge could understand why. (What he couldn’t understand was why Voel was at all lenient toward CB. Was his relationship in the past with  Zim still clouding his judgement? No... Voel had shown on multiple occasions he was able to put his mission before all else- it must be something else.) “I mean... CB isn’t... as bad... I don’t think...” There was a lot of uncertainty, but, honestly. It was more than Skoodge expected. 

“The Control Brains tried to kill us Voel! They almost succeeded with  _ you _ ! If I hadn’t-” Therron was very rarely one to be so passionate about a serious matter. It seemed the Control Brains had left a lasting scar, perhaps not a physical one, but they had left their mark. 

“I know what you did, Therron, and thank you.” Voel was very calm, genuine in his gratitude toward his peer. “Your quick thinking saved us both. But you can’t deny that CB also played a role in our rescue. I’ve spoken with him... he’s not... like them. If  anything, ...” there was the slightest hint of a smile on Voel’s lips, “he’s more like  Zim .” 

“Voel that’s  _ worse _ .” Therron looked flabbergasted by what was transpiring before his very ocular implants. 

“No, I have some concerns as well.”  Mothra be praise,  Skoodge never thought he would be siding with Therron. 

“ Skoodge !”  Zim looked annoyed. “You know CB! You trust him!” 

“Not entirely...”  Skoodge took a deep breath. “I mean  Zim , he took over my PAK that one time I yelled at you. He literally controlled my body without any hesitation. That was a major invasion of my privacy.”  Skoodge had not forgotten that incident- the feeling of his body moving on its own- freezing up as if all his muscles and bones had turned to stone like the old  Irken legend of the stone beast in the sea. That helpless feeling had stuck with him.

“ Yeah he invaded your privacy but that just makes him a good Invader.”  Zim tried to shrug off Skoodge’s very valid complaint. 

“Don’t be cute with me Zim; you know what I’m talking about.” Skoodge wasn’t going to let him play dumb.  Zim was smarter than anyone gave him credit for- his way of thinking was just different (bordering at times on un- Irken ). 

“He was learning. We talked about seizing control of  Irkens just because you’re scared and how it isn’t okay. He’s  _ young _ . He’s going to mess up. I mean come on, GIR is older than CB and he still tries to eat the house plants!”  Zim insisted. 

“Exactly one reason why we shouldn’t be gearing up and ready to let him into the PAKs of our already tiny Rebellion. I mean, I’m always a little nervous that he will do something without us giving him instructions. He acts independently a lot and that is  _ actually _ pretty concerning.” It wasn’t like  Skoodge didn’t trust  Zim \- he did- but  Zim wasn’t flawless.  Zim made mistakes all the time. And sometimes those mistakes had massive consequences. 

“Yes, but I made him that way.” It was the first time  Skoodge had heard  Zim admit to CB’s free will and how it was apparently intentional. Usually,  Zim was content to wave off the behavior with a joke or by playing dumb. 

“That doesn’t make the behavior acceptable,  Zim . You have to keep in mind where you got the parts for CB.” That was his biggest issue ever since he had figured it out. It was long ago in Earth’s history, but the events caused by a computer had nearly wiped out the human race. The Membranes were currently one of the only  technology-based companies that was even daring to traverse into artificial intelligence. And judging from Dib’s general paranoia, it was doubtful the clone completely supported the choices of his father. 

“From my lab, and from my house.” Again,  Zim skirted the issue.  Skoodge’s eyes narrowed. It had to be said. If they were going to let CB play the role of a Control Brain, then even Therron needed all the facts about his origin. 

“And where else  Zim ?”  Skoodge pressed. 

“My... ship...” 

“And where else Zim?” 

“I...”

“Where else  Zim !?” That... had not been  Skoodge . All at once the four  Irkens turned to see Dib in the doorway, dragging Q by the collar. (Q must have allowed this, because there was no way on Irk that Dib was able to fight the Parasite).  Skoodge had never seen such rage in the human’s face, the brown eyes glistening behind the primitive ocular implants as if tears were forming. 

“I think you’re getting the wrong idea about all of this!”  Zim very quickly tried to cover for himself. Seeing the hurt and betrayal plastered all over Dib’s face seemed to have caused  Zim a great deal of distress. It was hard for  Zim to admit, but  Skoodge knew this human was  Zim’s only friend for quite some time. He was important to the former Invader- more so than many of the others here (and certainly more so than Therron). 

“Then tell me- tell me you didn’t use any parts from that computer that tried to _ murder _ all of the humans on Earth.” Dib was standing tall, he had tossed Q to the side who was floating in the doorway, sitting cross-legged, watching everything play out. 

“ I.. Well...” Zim’s gaze fell. 

“Look me in the eyes,  Zim .” Dib marched forward standing right in front of the Invader.  Zim’s antennae were drooping, even if Dib didn’t know much about  Irken body language (which  Skoodge assumed he did- the human was hyper intelligent and observant to an unsettling degree) it was obvious that  Zim was riddled with guilt. 

“It... wasn’t  _ a lot _ ...”  Zim finally spoke, but the reply was uncharacteristically quiet- to the point that  Skoodge doubted if  Zim had even heard himself. The expression on Dib’s face was almost  unreadable as he looked down at his  Irken friend. 

“How fucking could you? I thought we were friends.” Dib turned on his heel storming straight out of the room.  Zim’s antennae  instantly perked back up.

“Dib! Wait! Dib! Zim can explain!”

But the human didn’t even turn around. 

“ _ Well _ __ _ well _ _ well.... it seems like someone has gotten into trouble with his human pet. _ ” 

Zim whirled to the Parasite, teeth bared. “Shut the fuck up Q.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOO NEXT CHAPTER! Out of curiosity: Would you guys like to see a Christmas chapter like the Halloween chapter where it was celebrated actually in the story? Or do you want just to keep powering through on the plot? Let me know in the comments!


	40. August 29th

"Dib! Dib wait!" Dib had no desire to deal with anyone right now, especially not Zim. How could the Irken have been so, unbelievably stupid? So thoughtless? So fucking heartless? There was no reason for Dib to ever want to hear that loud, grating voice ever again.

"Don't fucking talk to me. Ever." He didn't turn around despite the flurry of PAK legs clinking on tile that echoed in the hall behind him. 

"I know you're upset, but really it isn't that big of a deal-" as Zim tried to defend himself, Dib could stand it no longer. He had let Zim off the hook too many times. This was bullshit.

"August 29th." Dib said the date through gritted teeth, eyes narrowed.

"Wait... no this is December, isn't it?" Zim looked to Skoodge and Voel who had followed in the pursuit of Dib, though the Membrane Clone noted how neither jumped to Zim's defense. 

"August 29th is the day that thousands of humans died. That is the day a military AI decided that humans were a problem and launched weapons indiscriminately into cities and countries alike. You should know that date, Zim, it has been covered every year in class."

"Yes well, it's just that you said it so suddenly. You confused me." Zim had the gall to look offended by Dib's comment. 

"Earth used to be a whole lot fucking better than it is now! There never used to be military grade drones running the halls of the elementary school! There were never government officials getting deployed for something like lice! Our space program took a huge hit because we were having to put all of our funding into defense to stop another attack like that! We used to give out candy and chocolate on Valentines and now it's slabs of meat because meat is considered a more valuable product after so many animals were contaminated by the radiation. "

"Okay, you are upset. Zim can see that-" 

"No!" Dib cut the ex-Invader off once more. "This isn’t quirky, this isn't cute.  _ You _ betrayed me  Zim . I trusted you! I have stuck by you ever since you got banished here and you go behind my back and do this!? What the fuck were you even thinking!"

"Why don't you take a moment-" Skoodge was going to make an attempt to defend Zim, but Dib wasn't about to hear it. The last Irken he trusted would be Skoodge- the scarily competent Invader.

"Don't you  _ dare _ defend him!" He could feel blood rushing to his face, his eyes were burning. Everything felt like a bad fever dream.

Zim was supposed to be his friend.

"It's not as bad as you are making it out to be!" Zim tried to insist but his logic was falling on deaf ears. Dib could barely stand to look at him.

"You have no idea how bad it is! You can't even  _ begin _ to understand-" he was tripping over his own words. He couldn't fathom the level of backwards logic Zim was using to justify what he had done. This wasn't some sort of misunderstanding. All of the  Irkens had vocalized an understanding of the events of the past. They all seemed to know about the disaster- the after effects still plaguing Dib's home. 

" ** Dib, please ** ." He heard that heavy, clunking, metal step behind him. He felt his blood freezing in his veins. All at once that cold, synthetic voice caused a wave of nausea to wash over Dib like a bucket of frigid water had been thrown in his face. He had never noticed before how unfeeling and inhuman that voice sounded- devoid of life. " ** Do not yell at him ** ."

"You have a shit ton of nerve to talk to me after what I found out." Dib's voice felt like it might cut out at any moment, though he was able to stay  eerily calm. Yelling would prove nothing to an unfeeling machine.

" ** Do not be upset. I am not ** **_ him _ ** **. ** " 

"You are made from him."

" ** I am not a monster; we are friends. ** "

"We are not fucking friends. We never were. You inserted yourself into my life like a virus that wouldn't go away. You were in my  _ home _ ..." the more he thought about it, the more his stomach churned. "My  _ family _ was with you." The horror set in, leaving him light headed and weak. 

Oh God....

His family had been right in CB's clutches. He could have gotten in the lab and just....

Moira.... his dad....

Even Gaz....

Gone.

" ** I would never hurt your family- ** "

"Bull-fucking-shit!"  Finally, Dib whirled around on his heel to face CB. The mask, pallid skin, the other worldly glow of the lights on the helmet- it all had some sort of dissonance to it that caused Dib's eyes to hurt. His vision was already blurred from the tears stinging in his eyes. He couldn't stomach looking at  Zim's abomination any longer than he had to- but he needed CB to see how little Dib cared about him in the moment. "Diego Isandro Bolivar." 

" ** Excuse me? ** " The unfeeling metal monstrosity tilted its head to the side trying to feign confusion- an act that only made Dib even more upset.

"Do you remember him? Diego Isandro Bolivar?" 

" ** I... I do not ** ." The hesitation was making Dib seethe. " ** Unless you are talking about yourself or your father- ** " 

"He was my grandfather. His name was Diego Isandro Bolivar, my dad was named after him." The name 'Membrane' had been something his dad had added to make them sound 'more scientific' in his own words. "He died before my dad was born. He died because  _ you _ killed him."

" ** I... I am sorry for your loss. ** " it seemed that Dib had stumped CB for the time being. He didn't recall CB every being at a loss for words before, but maybe being faced with the crimes he had committed in the past was causing some sort of short circuit. " ** But I did not do those things. I am not the same computer. The individual components that were used to construct me are not my identity. ** "

"You sure could have fooled me." Dib spat the words in the construct's face. "You are  _ always _ inserting yourself into technology you deem inferior. I am supposed to just smile and wave away all the times you have possessed my thing? My car? My phone? The Syndicate  ship !? And through all of this you have the fucking audacity to pretend we're friends? You don't have the capacity for friends. You. Are. A. Murderer. I can't believe I ever fucking apologized to you about Tak's ship."

" ** I told you: LEO and I cohabitated peacefully in the Syndicate ship. I did not hurt him. You can ask! ** " CB sounded oddly desperate. 

"And what about that other stuff? What about all the spying you've been doing on me since the very beginning!?" 

" ** I was not trying to spy- I... I... ** " it did not seem to be an error causing CB to stumble on his words, but rather, the AI seemed truly upset. " ** I wanted to talk to you more because I have always found you interesting. Father always said that you were the cleverest human to ever live. I admire you. ** " That... that was something Dib had never heard before.

Zim? 

_ Zim _ held him in high regard?

_ Zim _ thought he was the cleverest human?

Well it was far too late for flattery to change Dib's mind. If Zim really thought so highly of him he would never have delved into Earth's ugly past for his own, twisted sense of self satisfaction. What sort of friend gave life to your killer and then kept it from you? That was fucked up even by Irken standards. 

"You can't admire anyone. You are a cold, unfeeling machine. You only know logic and calculations. Q was right about you from the very start. The first time I met him he tried to warn me that I was working with something that could never care about my  wellbeing . He knew what you were from the fucking start!" Dib looked over at Q who was simply watching everything unfold with a blank expression. It was a little odd that he wasn't grinning, drinking up the misery like it was his very life-force. (Which maybe  it kind of was?) "You saw this all coming, didn't you?"

" _ I am going to say: yes. _ "

"I should have listened to you." Dib turned to go back down the hall. "I won't be lied to by my so-called friends any longer. I am going to tell Captain Rose what you did."

"Wait no!" Voel finally spoke. Dib had not talked much with the Almighty Tallest since he arrived. Honestly, Voel had been kind of stand-offish since the beginning of everything (and he was a little intimidating to just approach out of nowhere). "I understand that you are upset, okay? . .. _ But  _ we need CB to help us save our home. He is the only thing we have that can train our Rebellion to fight. If we don't use him, our people will be torn apart by the Irkens under the Control Brains. We  _ need _ him."

"Oh yeah? Well, what if I wanted to use a Control Brain to help save Earth? Would  _ you _ be happy?" Dib shot back. Voel faltered for just a moment. It was  Zim who actually spoke, though for the first time in a while, he was quiet, unsure of himself.

"I... He.... he  _ is _ a Control Brain..." 

"Zim that's  _ worse _ !" Dib was completely in disbelief. 

"But we still need him. You are understandably upset, but we need CB. If the Captain finds out she will shut him down. If we fight her on it, we lose our Syndicate backing- what little of it we have at least." Again, Voel was trying to appeal to Dib's reason. But the clone knew he had just not made an apt enough comparison. If Voel was overlooking the Control Brain aspect of CB then Dib would have to think of a better way to express how deeply this hurt him.

"Would you be arguing the same if I was trying to team up with Xia?" He didn't turn around but he could hear the sound of PAK legs unsheathing. 

"Do  _ not, _ " Voel's voice was very cold, "say that name in  ** my presence ** . " 

"That is what I fucking thought." Dib had his confirmation. He had struck where it hurt, in a wound still fresh. He took off down the hall, he was ready for this to be over. Using the machine that had willingly killed so many people that his planet was _ still _ reeling from the aftermath - that was too much of a knife in his back.  Zim had never hurt him like this before. Dib hadn't thought his friend- no- his  _ former _ friend was capable of such a blatant disregard for him.

He kept running through the Syndicate base, trying to focus on what needed to be done. Trying not to think about all the times he had spent talking to CB late at night about the  Irkens and the universe. He tried to push memories of movie-nights with  Zim out of his mind. This wasn't something he could bring himself to forgive. This  _ hurt _ . This really, truly hurt. Maybe his subconscious had mistaken his emotional pain for physical because he had somehow ended up in the medical wing. Maybe he was too distracted to properly navigate.

"Hey Cadet Membrane!" Pawl, the felinoid medic that had arrived on the Solar, waved as he came in. Dib had been spending a lot of time in the medical bay. Partially due to the combat training, and partially for personal reasons. "You look a little frazzled. Is something wrong?" 

"I... is Lor busy?" The words were out of his mouth before he even had the time to process them.

"I mean... probably..." Pawl looked him up and down for a moment, "but I think he needs a break. Hang on, I'll grab him." The Syndicate had been pretty receptive to Dib ever since he first joined. At the  beginning , Captain Rose had been reluctant, but now she was pushing him harder than ever. Dib actually enjoyed training with them, the Syndicate had a wide reach in the universe, and the education they offered was the most exciting thing Dib had in his lifetime (including the time Dib fought using Venus as a weapon). There was so much beyond Earth- but despite all of that, despite all the bullying and cruel jokes growing up- Dib loved his home. The fact that someone he called a friend would risk everything...

"Diego?" Pawl had returned with Lor in tow. The  raven-haired doctor looked completely floored by Dib's sudden appearance. (Either that, or Dib looked worse than he though.) "You look pale, do you need something to drink?"

"Something with alcohol, maybe." Dib scoffed. "What is that drink you were going on about the other day? The pangalactic gargle-blaster?"

"Yeah... how about no? I think we need you conscious. " Lor looked to Pawl and some sort of silent conversation must have taken place between the two because Pawl nodded to him and Lor looked back to Dib. "I was just heading out for a  walk; you want to come with me?"

"Actually? Yeah. Kind of." The cold winter air sounded surprisingly good after all of the heat that had built up in his face from his anger. Though, the cold often made his piercings sting in his face. (This time of year, Dib allowed his facial scruff to become more of a beard- though Captain Rose had him keeping it trim and nice. Any guard against the cold was welcome.) Dib followed Lor to an exit he had no idea even existed and they somehow found themselves leaving from the back room of the History building. "Wait does this base link to multiple academic buildings? I thought it just had the entrance in the Science Building closet."

"There are like a dozen or so entrances scattered through all of the major structures. It is so Captain Rose isn't late to any of her meetings." 

"I thought she only taught science...." 

"She has lunch meetings with human faculty friends she has made." Lor shrugged. "As much of a pain as this crash landing was, I think she'll miss Earth. We all kind of will. I know I will. But my favorite human is Syndicate now, so I don't have to worry about leaving him."

"Kyle from your Research and Analysis class?" Dib smirked. He was starting to feel a little better as the chilled wind struck his face. 

"Yes. He takes the best notes." Lor took Dib's arm, steering him down a path to one of the  emptier areas behind the main part of the campus. The snow has mostly been cleared off the main pathways, but since it was still actively snowing, this little area was already covered with a decent dusting. Dib felt the satisfying crunch of snow under his boot as he and Lor walked until they found a little area with a partially covered bench, overlooking a frozen pond.

"You can warm up the bench you know." Dib made a motion to represent lasers coming from his eyes.

"That would set it on fire." Lor responded, sounding amused.

" Yes, but it would be warmer." Generally, Dib hated the cold. When he was younger, he was convinced the government had created winter specifically to spite him.  _ However _ , now that he was an  adult, he realized the government had created winter to spite everyone. Snow was nice for about three days and then it quickly lost its luster. 

"You look a little better," Dib looked down to see Lor staring back up at him with icy blue eyes. 

"I think getting out is helping." Dib looked back over the frozen pond.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Dib sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Maybe..." It might help to tell someone. Dib trusted Lor, they had been spending a lot of time together since Dib's discovery that Lor was an alien. Dib took a deep breath, he put a hand to Lor's shoulder, meeting his gaze. "Do you... know about the incident on August 29th?" 

"Of course. The radiation levels on your planet still haven't evened out in many places. It seems to still be having an adverse effect on a majority of Earth's populace." Dib shivered, he could pretend it was the cold, but the chill inside him was far more biting. Something about Lor's sentence just left him feeling queasy all over again. 

" Y.. yeah..." Dib pulled his arms around himself as if that would help warm the frozen pit of his heart. Lor noticed the shivering and pulled Dib closer to him. His body temperature was higher than that of a human, Dib wasn't sure how Lor had convinced anyone in the medical profession he was anything other than an alien.  Otherwise, it would just seem like Lor had a constant fever. 

"Do you need to go back in?" Lor sounded concerned. 

"No. I  kinda like it out here..." Dib didn't know what to say. He was having trouble putting into words just how he felt. He was  _ so angry _ , but also just... sad. Since childhood,  Zim had been Dib's arch-rival-turned-best-friend. They had spent hours trying to one up  each other .  Zim had given Dib a cause. On the lonely nights when Dib's father would work late, it was  Zim who kept Dib company. For a while Dib had seen  Zim as a threat, but as he got older, he realized  Zim was one of the only constants in his life. The very idea that  Zim could stoop to such a level...

It kinda hurt.

"Zim must have unearthed the computer that caused the disaster. " Dib's voice cracked, his eyes stung and he wasn't sure why he was falling apart like this. "And he u-used it to make CB." He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "That thing killed my grandfather... I remember grandma talking about him..." he hadn't thought about his grandparents in years. He hadn't thought about the sad look on his grandmother's face when she would recollect the days before that fateful night. The way she would look at his father's robotic inventions with both fear and disappointment. 

Dib wasn't sure when he had started crying, but the next thing he knew, Lor was hugging him tightly as tears were leaving freezing streaks along his cheeks. 

"That must have been really hard..." Lor's voice was sympathetic, warm. Dib tried to pull himself together but the thought of Zim using that... that thing... made him fall apart all over again.

"I'm sorry I don't even know why I'm upset like this-" Dib started to talk but Lor shook his head.

"You don't need to  apologize; emotional displays are healthy; especially in times of great duress." Arms tightened around Dib's shoulders (Lor had to be floating or something to reach, because they had quite the height difference). " Zim is your best friend, right?"

"I...  _ thought  _ he was." Dib mumbled bitterly, resting his cheek on the top of Lor's head.

"So him doing something like this must have been difficult to swallow. You have every right to be sad. Honestly, I'm happy you came to me to talk about this." 

"You and Gaz are about all I have left to trust." He felt tired. Part of that could have been from combat training with Captain Rose, for sure, but a vast majority of the fatigue was emotional. Dib felt as if he had been hit by a bus. "And you lied to me for like two months about not being an alien."

"I did. But I apologized. " Lor smiled just slightly.

"You did." It all seemed so far in the past, chasing Lor like a suspect, interrogating him with CB, trapping him with Zim. It had been less than a year, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Now he was a cadet in a space military, helping save Zim’s home planet from immanent destruction. "But you guys never looked into the computer that tried to kill us all..."

"I mean we looked to make sure it was still inactive, which it is." Lor admitted. "We would have destroyed it had it been online."

"It  _ is _ online. Kind of. It's CB. I have to tell Captain Rose." Dib finally lifted his head back up, looking down at Lor. 

"She’ll shut him down for sure. " Lor replied. "Something that dangerous can't be associated with the Syndicate. She can't ignore protocol." That made sense. CB was a danger. He needed to be shut down before he remembered the grudge he had against the humans. 

"The  Irkens won't like it. They think he is key to helping save their planet." Dib wasn't sure why, but the realization that Captain Rose would completely shut off CB wasn't making him feel any better. At least, not in the way he thought it would.

"Well I can kind of see why. Irkens have a strong link to technology. They have a vast well of knowledge attached to their neural system, but it needs to be controlled and regulated by an external force. It is both their greatest weakness and greatest strength."

"But why would Zim even use that computer!?" Dib's stomach was in knots, his eyes were stinging again.

"Because he was desperate.  Irken technology probably wasn't taking to less advanced computers. Sadistic as it was, that machine was the pinnacle of human innovation." Lor was surprisingly calm. Dib wasn't sure what he had expected, maybe Lor to yell and get Captain Rose himself. But he remained level-headed. "I am not excusing what  Zim did, it was wrong. But... he was probably acting out of desperation. I doubt he was thinking at all; nevertheless, thinking about how it would hurt you. What he did was wrong, but the way you described your relationship, I don't think he did it with malice. He doesn't seem to have the best grasp of repercussions on his best days, so it's doubtful that he considered them when he was at his worst."

"I mean..." Dib trailed off. He remembered how erratic Zim had been acting in the days before he had started CB. While his Irken friend wouldn't tell him what was wrong, Dib had seen him lose his luster. Zim would spend days inside, refusing to interact or go to school. He wouldn't talk much and when he did it was very cold, angry. He would disappear for long periods of time until one day he seemed back to normal and had begun discussing upgrades to his security system. With Zim being that down and out, it was entirely possible the realization of what his actions would mean to Dib, had never crossed his mind. "It still doesn't make it right." Dib was at a loss.

"No. It doesn't. " Lor agreed. "But you would probably do the same if it was Earth at stake."

Would he? Dib thought about Earth being taken over by aliens, how he would react if only the Control Brains or Xia was the key to his planet's survival.

(He had only met Xia twice, but even in his hypothetical situation, she was intolerable .) Would he go to them if it meant saving Earth, even if  Zim would be devastated?

Yes. He absolutely would do anything to protect his home, his family. It was one of the main reasons he was upset. He had trusted CB around his family only to learn that a part of him was a confirmed killer. At any point in time CB could have...

"Lor, what if he had hurt my family?" Dib looked to Lor who had snow dusting his dark hair.

"Do you think he would do that?" Lor met his gaze.

"Before I knew the truth? I had thought about it only at the  beginning . He never seemed aggressive, he and Gaz actually got along. It is just scary to think at any moment he could have seized control of my dad's lab or something. It is full of all kinds of crazy weapons- whether they were intentionally weapons or not- they could have hurt a lot of people." Dib was mad, but the frigid winter air was helping cool his temper. "I wonder how much of that murderous AI  Zim actually used..." 

"Hard to say, but he doesn't act like the original AI, I would think. Even if  Zim used some of the same hardware, it's how CB developed that matters. After all, you're a clone, aren't you?" Lor gave a little shrug. Dib had never really discussed that he was a clone before with Lor save for a brief mention of it during his health screening to get into the Syndicate. Dib had enhanced strength and reflexes, despite wearing glasses, his other senses were increased. He was his dad's prized work (though apparently Moira had been the genetic consultant on the project, which was frustrating to learn.) " Genetically identical to your father, but you are pretty different people."

"We really are." Dib shivered again and Lor pulled a little closer. As he did so, Dib felt his phone still in his pocket. He pulled it out, looking down at Lor. "Hey do you think you could do me a favor?" He tried to force a mischievous little smile. 

"What...?" Lor looked concerned as Dib wagged the phone in his face. 

"Can you hit a moving target with your laser eyes?" Lor's eyes  widened as he looked thoroughly perplexed. 

"Maybe?" He didn't sound sure but that just added to the fun. "But I've not really tried-"

"Hit it!" Dib tossed his phone out over the lake and Lor took his glasses off making an attempt to hit the tiny black box mid-air. With considerable effort, the lasers struck the phone mid toss and the flaming remainders sizzles through the ice of the lake. Of course, Lor had also hit a few branches of nearby trees, leaving burns steaming in the melted snow. "Nice shot." Dib put an arm around the startled Lor's shoulders, surveying the damage. 

"Was it?" Lor’s mouth had been drawn into a straight line, looking rather unconvinced. 

"It wasn't bad." Dib gave a little grin. He reached up wiping the rest of the snow out of Lor's hair. 

"Why did we just do that?" Lor put his glasses back on and crossed his arms across his chest, squinting at the little hole in the ice where the remains of the phone had fallen. 

"CB has my phone hacked."

"Ah." He leaned a bit into Dib. "So then what will you do for a phone?"

"My dad will buy me a new one. That one was outdated anyway. And I  destroy my phones all the time. Everyone in the family goes through them fast. I  dunno what Gaz does to hers but she's replaced it three times this year."

"Until then, I can get you a standard issue Syndicate Communicator." Lor offered. Dib was excited by the prospects of a space-phone.

"Do you need to go back to work?" At the mention of the Syndicate, Dib realized he and the doctor had been missing for quite some time.

"Probably?" Lor gave a noncommittal shrug. "But you looked so upset, I figured you needed someone to talk to." 

"I did..." he steered Lor back toward the main campus. "Thanks."

"You would so the same for me, I hope." He grinned up at Dib.

"I would." Dib leaned down, pressing his nose against the doctor’s before briefly brushing their lips together.

It was true. Dib had never really had a lot of friends, but ever since  Zim had helped him catch the Syndicate, Dib had gotten more social. For some reason it was easier to talk to aliens than his own kind. That had always been the case, even as a kid,  Zim had been Dib's closest companion. 

He just thought Zim would have known better than to dig up Earth's dirty past. It hurt that his best friend since childhood would have been so thoughtless. 

But maybe that was all it was? 

Thoughtlessness.

As they re-entered the Syndicate Base, Dib and Lor were almost instantly greeted by Carrius. 

"There you both are, the Captain is calling a meeting." Before Carrius could even finish his summons, there was a commotion from the hall.

"PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN TO ZIM!" Zim dropped down from the ceiling where he must have been searching for Dib in the vents. (Dib wouldn't fit, but that just summed up Zim's logic.)

"Good," Dib ignored the pleas, "I need to talk to her anyway."

"Wait! Dib, please try to understand Zim!" Zim was in a fit, but Dib ignored the panicking Irken and followed Carrius down the hall.

" ** I promise I do not remember anything prior to Zim creating me. ** " It seemed CB was still using his body. " ** Please, Dib... I am scared to be uncreated. ** " Dib bit his lip, teeth catching the metal of the lip ring, as he tried to stop himself from responding. Carrius looked over, visibly confused. 

"Are you guys having some kind of fight?" Before anyone could answer they nearly collided with Captain Rose and Captain Fluorine who were heading the opposite direction. 

"There everyone is." She looked at the group, large blue eyes narrowed as she surveyed the anxious expressions on the Irken's face. Dib wasn't sure where Voel and Skoodge had run to, but chances were they weren't far. "Your Tallests are already in the meeting room. This is important."

"Before we get started, I just need to tell you something." Dib raised his hand slightly to get her attention. The Captain turned to look at him.

_ She'll shut him down for sure. _

Lor's words resonated with him.

"What is it?" The Captain's voice broke Dib from his thoughts.

"Oh um..." he took a deep breath. "I broke my phone when Lor and I were hanging out. Do you think I can get a Syndicate Communicator?"

" Yeah we can get you set up for one." She waved her hand dismissively and Dib could hear the relief as  Zim let out a breath he had been holding in. "We have communications with a ship trying to land here so it will have to wait."

"Right." Dib nodded. He felt a clawed hand grab at his. 

"Thank you-"  Zim began, but Dib jerked  his hand away. 

"I'm still mad. What you did was fucked up. It's just not worth losing your planet over."


	41. Lard-Nar of Vort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!  
> NEXT WEEK'S UPDATE WILL BE THURSDAY NOT FRIDAY! (I'm going to be distracted by family on Friday!) There WILL be an update. But it will be THURSDAY! :D
> 
> As always! Let me know what you think!

"Why didn't you tell me about the Control Brain?" Therron wasn't letting the topic go, and Voel found himself surprised by the persistence from his former co-ruler. Therron had never taken much interest in CB before.

"Because I thought it wasn't going to come up?" That was the honest truth of it. The idea of outing CB's true nature just seemed to be more trouble than it was worth. Voel had seen into the mind of this particular Control Brain, he had seen how it was viwed by the others. "I thought our Rebellion would have  _ some _ military training."

"Don't you dare try to pin this on me!" Therron's eyes narrowed. "Yes, I fucked up. But it isn't like you were the perfect ruler either! You almost started a war because you were too lazy to research Trifoolian Culture and he insulted their High Lord!"

"How was I supposed to know that the word for 'King' in their language also meant 'Shit'!?" This again? It seemed like every time Voel and Therron fought this particular incident would surface.

"Because it was in my notes that you said you read!" Honestly? Voel was a little surprised by Therron's reaction. He had not really expected his fellow disgraced leader to be so upset by one little secret Voel had kept to himself.

Well... 

Maybe it wasn't exactly a  _ little _ secret...

"I should have told you... but I really didn't think it would come up like this." It also wasn't really his secret to tell. It sure sounded like  Skoodge knew about everything too- and he didn't speak up. It was really up to  Zim . But now, they were all informed. Perhaps it wasn't under the best circumstances that the information came to light, but it was out there now. " So, what do  _ you _ think we should do?"

" Oh _ now _ you want my opinion? Now that your  _ Generals _ ," he said the word with disdain, "have run off in search of the human?"

"I know you're mad about the General thing, but we need them. We don't have a lot of Irkens to choose from right now." Voel stood firm on this issue. 

"I am mad about everything! This planet sucks, this Rebellion sucks, and I am pretty sure now Irk sucks too. The only way we can get it all to not suck is to do something  Zim , of all Irkens, suggested and that is what sucks the most!" Therron heaved a defeated sigh and flopped half way over the table in the middle of the war room.

" So, you want to do  Zim's plan? Use CB to recode our  Irkens as Invaders?" Voel sat on the table beside him.

"All things considered; it's our best course of action." Therron mumbled, still face down.

"You don't sound happy." Voel mused looking down at him.

"We are about to trust ZIM!  Of course I'm not fucking happy!" Came the muffled reply. 

"It's our best option..." Voel couldn't even fake enthusiasm. 

"And that is a terrifying thought." Finally, Therron lifted his head. His expression was far from pleased, but he mostly just looked tired. 

"You have to look more convincing than that. You know how bad I am with talking;  Skoodge might even be worse than I am;  Zim can speak with passion but his metaphors are confusing; Tenn is a little too aggressive; and Tak is technically Syndicate now, not Irken. If we are going to sway these Irkens into doing this plan we need a voice they will listen to."

"Zeke." Therron replied flatly. Voel scoffed.

"Okay then, a voice they can actually trust." Therron had a point, Zeke got people's attention. However, public opinion on the tiny reporter was heavily divided. 

"Yes, well, you have a point." Therron reluctantly pulled himself into a sitting position. "The people do love and trust me."

"Exactly. " That was the old Therron, brimming with a somewhat deserved self-confidence. Therron had to be on board. The Irken people still saw them both as the Tallest and while Voel had been the Military brain, Therron was the socialite. 

"We'll need to start working things out with that Control Brain. Zim is- unfortunately- probably the closest thing we have to a PAK technician, so if his Control Brain- thing doesn't program properly, it'll have to fall on him to fix it." Therron rubbed the sides of his head as it seemed reality was finally starting to settle in. 

"Right  now, I think it's upset." Voel knew the human had run off somewhere and that  Zim ,  Skoodge , and CB were desperately trying to find him.

"It will have to get over that. It's a Control Brain, it has more important duties now." Therron countered. It was a little ironic that Therron of all Irkens was complaining about CB being emotionally compromised considering that Voel had to once move an entire Holiday because Therron was sad. 

"We'll... talk to it; see it we can't get it to focus a little more." Voel was at least a little more empathetic. He understood CB had a higher emotional capacity than the Control Brains back on Irk which mostly worked in their favor. Hopefully that part of CB would keep him loyal to the Irken cause. 

"Zim made it," Therron had a skeptical expression. "I doubt it even knows the meaning of the word 'focus'."

"You have a point." Was this really how far they had sunk? Relying on a defunct AI to overthrow a system that had been working since the  beginning of recorded  Irken History. This was the best they had? 

" Well, we trained those Rising  Tallests . We can train this AI." Therron spoke with assurance. The words made Voel cringe a bit. Though Therron had not used the names, even speaking about their successors left Voel's  squeedleyspooch in knots.

"Ca... can you not bring them up?" He felt physically ill. It was true they had made progress with Xia and Vero, but it was colossally evident now, that they had not been ready to ascend  to Tallest. Vero was technically a traitor and Xia was a power-hungry monster. 

"Sorry." Surprisingly, Therron quieted. Silence settled as Voel stared at the map of Irk as if expecting some secret pathway to illuminate for him. They would need a base of operations for this to have any chance of success and it would need to be in the Wilds of Irk. There was an old  Mothra temple out that way but it hadn’t been used in ages- at least Voel didn't think it had been. He vaguely recalled the  Mothra Elite saying it was overrun with wildlife. They had been meaning to send out a squad of Elites to battle the unwanted squatters and clear it back out- but he was pretty sure they had never actually gotten around to it. For once, that laziness might be useful. If the Temple was overrun the  Mothra Elite would not be using it and it would provide a great shelter- as those under  Mothra used little, in any, technology- meaning they would be out of reach for the Control Brains. 

Voel occupied himself with trying to remember where in the fuck that Temple had been located. He was so focused; he didn't notice someone else had come in until he heard Therron greeting the Captain. "Good to see you Captain Rose!" Therron had been all niceties with the Captain ever since he figured  out she had the most power out of the Syndicate he knew. She gave him a polite nod.

" Tallests Red and Purple, we have received a hail from a nearby ship. They... it sounds like they are looking for you?"

"Another excuse to be with us, Captain," Therron sighed placing a hand to her shoulder, "really?" She looked to the hand on her and looked back up at Therron without much of a reaction. 

"The ship is Vortion." She ignored Therron's comment and instead looked to Voel.

"Why would the Vort be coming to Earth to look for us?" Voel paused, turning back to look at his map. "They should still be under the impression that we're dead."

"It's fabricated so Captain Rose can spend more time with me." Therron had dropped his grip on the Captain and instead swept an arm around Voel's shoulders, failing to whisper his theory. It was definitely loud enough for the Captain to hear. "She's been charmed by my wits and good looks."

"I... I don't think so, Therron." Voel patted the hand on his shoulder. 

"Then why would she be making up a story about the Vort?"

"I don't think she's making it up."

" Oh, so a  Vortion ship just  _ happened _ to come to Earth looking for us? And the Captain is the one who just  _ happened _ to get the hail?" Therron scoffed. "A likely story!"

"Yeah. Incredibly likely. She's  _ the Captain _ , Therron. People are going to tell her when there is a hail."

"Okay. Fine. But when we get there and this just ends up being a love confession, you are going to feel silly." 

"Isn't the Captain bonded? Didn't the Medic say something like that?" Voel didn't completely recall, as the romantic life of the Syndicate was far from a pressing matter for him. "I don't think Tangeans can have two bonded like Irkens can."

"If she is than it is even worse! She's throwing her family away,” Therron  tgwirled around placing his hands to his chest with a tragic sigh, “for  _ me _ ! Which- yes I am worth it- but I don't return her affections!" 

"So... are you both going to get the hail? Or should I tell them to call back?" The Captain asked loudly, still standing behind the two former leaders as they conversed. 

" Yeah, we're coming." Voel turned back toward her.

"Oh Captain," Therron sighed, sadly shaking his head as he looked at her. “Captain, Captain, Captain, Captain.... you poor lovesick thing." 

"Oh....kay?" The Captain looked between the two before shrugging off Therron's strange behavior. "Meet in the main hall. I will collect the others."

"It will never work between us!" Therron called after her as she hurried down the hall.

"I'm crushed!" The Captain called back, sounding anything but crushed.

"It was better to let her down easy." Therron sighed. "Now I have to tell Carrius to stop being in love with me."

"The Romulan Security Chief?" Voel blinked.

"Yes, he's always bringing me love letters to sign." Therron sighed wistfully. Voel was ninety eight percent certain that these "love letters" were just the various forms the Syndicate  required; however, he realized this fight wasn't worth the effort.

"I... um..." he could let Therron have this. It didn’t seem like the Syndicate were particularly bothered- just mildly amused. "I am sure he will be devastated." Voel headed through the increasingly busy Syndicate Halls. He saw Skoodge talking to one of the Medical staff that had arrived on the GST Solar not terribly long after the Tallests had arrived. Seeing Therron and Voel approach in such a rush, Skoodge looked over.

"What has you two in a hurry?"

"The Captain said they received a  Vortion Hail." Voel replied.

"Really?" Skoodge's antennae perked up. "They are kind of far from home, aren't they?"

"Very much so." Voel nodded. He could only assume what Skoodge was doing, but he decided to go with his theory. "Did you find that human Zim is looking for?"

"He left with the GST Nova's medic a little while ago."  Skoodge's instant  reply let Voel know he had guessed right about why Dib was talking to this medical personnel. 

" Well, we best get to the conference room." Voel nodded to  Skoodge walking past. "You are welcome to attend as well. You are a General now."

"I think I  _ will _ attend."  Skoodge affirmed as he fell in line behind the other two and they entered the conference room where Captain Fluorine and Tak were already in wait. They were standing on either side of the Captain’s chair as a large screen took completely over the opposing wall, currently frozen with the image of a Vort mid- maniacal -laugh. 

"My Tallests!" Tak immediately saluted to her superiors as soon as they entered the room. "We are glad you're here."

"The  Vortion was asking about us?" Voel looked over at the screen in mild confusion.

"Sort of?" Tak made a face. "It was being stupid. He was trying to say something about having kidnapped one of you? I think he meant that he had kidnapped someone  _ for _ one of you? Like maybe like a sacrifice or an offering?"

"We do like offerings." Therron seemed agreeable enough on the matter.

"It's all a little confusing." Captain Fluorine looked over her notes. "After all, how did they know to come to Earth? Did they see our message on the Irken channels? Or were they monitoring the Syndicate?" 

"Yeah no one  _ willingly  _ goes to Earth." Therron confirmed. They conspired a little longer about what might have inspired the  Vortion to reach out before Captain Rose returned with  Zim , the human cadet, the medic, the First Officer, and the Control Brain in tow. The Captain sat in her seat, Voel saw  Zim looking after the human, but the human was focused solely on the Captain. 

"Everyone stay quiet." Captain Rose instructed as she changed the focus of her camera to only include herself, Tak, Carrius, and Captain Fluorine. "Let me do the talking."

"She's still trying to show off for me." Therron sighed, shaking his head, folding his arms over his chest. Voel quickly shushed him as the video went live and the Vortion stood looking rather annoyed at having been kept waiting for so long. The Captain sat straight, shoulders back, eyes locked on the screen. 

"Sorry for the delay. I needed my First Officer." She gestured to Carrius who saluted. "As you know big decisions can't be made alone."

"Of course not, of course not. You are Syndicate after all." The Vortion nodded, knowingly. "As I was saying: word in space is that the Syndicate has finally had enough of the Irken  _ machine _ \- no offense to First Officer Tak-"

"You are lucky you said no offense, otherwise I would  have been plenty offended!" Tak grumbled, but was promptly ignored as the  Vortion simply continued talking over her.

"And we hear you are looking to go to war." Voel cringed as he heard the disdain in the  Vortion's voice.  Was that how other planets were viewing the Control Brains' attempts to frame the Syndicate? They allegedly assassinated Therron and himself and people were still siding with the Syndicate?

"The matter is complicated." The Captain replied diplomatically. 

"You allegedly murdered their leaders." The  Vortion blinked. "How is that complicated?" Captain Rose gave a little shrug as if to indicate she was reading off a script and the  Vortion smirked. "Ah yes, can't say too much, I see. Too many plans still in the works. I get it. I get it." He didn't seem to actually get it at all but Voel bit his tongue. " Well, the  Resisty offers our full support to you, Captain, and your mighty Syndicate!"

"Lard-Nar, we told you this many times, 34 times according to our records, the Resisty is not an officially recognized resistance group according to Syndicate law." The Captain spoke very calmly. "If you would like to apply for that recognition, we have sent you the paperwork on many occasions. "

"It was  _ four hundred pages _ !" The  Vortion's shoulders drooped, the pincers on its head wilting in defeat. 

"Yes. It was." Captain Rose sounded remarkably unempathetic. 

"Well once you hear our dramatic tale of escape from the cold, evil clutches of the  Irken Empire. No offense, again, To lovely First Officer Tak." Lard-Nar nodded to Tak who let out a frustrated little noise, clearly upset by the constant bashing of her home- despite the fact that the Vortion had clearly stated: no offense. Thus, Tak couldn't actually be upset. 

"All right, Lard-Nar," the Captain leaned forward, chin resting atop her interlaced fingers, "tell us what happened." 

_ It was a cold, vile day on the Massive- of course Irkens prefer cold so it was always cold- but this day in particular was especially cold. I was being kept, hostage in the prison cells. They had plans to interrogate me for information on the Resisty! They were trying to break my spirit! But I was too strong for them! _

It took everything Voel had to not speak up. First of all- he didn't really remember who this guy even was, and, judging by the way Therron was squinting at the screen, neither did his fellow ex-Tallest. So, it was highly doubtful he was being kept for any type of investigation. But he allowed the story to continue, uninterrupted. 

_ I was planning my very expert escape when I was confronted  _ _ by _ _ the Almighty  _ _ Tallests _ _ themselves! They stopped before my cell, scowling. They were sizing me up, trying to decide if I was still a threat. They could tell all of their best  _ _ Irkens _ _ had failed to break me. I could see the fear in their eyes.  _

_ "So, you have finally come back!" I called to them, anger swelling within me. I could see the glint of their razor-like teeth in the dim lighting of the cell as they leered at me. "Well," I scoffed at their intimidation tactics, "you can pump me for all  _ _ the information _ _ you like,  _ **_ Tallests _ ** _ , but you get nothing from me!" _

_ I braced myself against the bars of the cell- _

Voel very clearly remembered that the cells on the Massive were forcefield based and thus, did not have bars, but he was curious where this story was going.

_ "NOTHING!" I reiterated my point with fervor, with a passion Irkens could only dream of. "THE RESISTY LIVES ON!" _

_ "What in Ghidora's name are you talking about?" Tallest Red was addressing me, I had never seen him so angry- so afraid. He knew what I was saying was true. _

_ "You heard me Tallest Red!" I stood my ground against his fury. _

_ "That's right," he bared his teeth to me, trying to frighten me but failing!  _ _ Oh! _ _ how he failed. "I am the Tallest. And you will do well to remember that." _

_ "You changed your armor." I had seen the difference, but had yet to find the reason. _

_ "Silence you brave but foolish Vortion! Your Resisty has people looking for us. We had to hide." I knew it pained him to admit the influence the Resisty had over him. _

_ "Never!" He could capture me- but he would never win my silence! _

_ "Now never speak to me again, Lard-Nar of Vort. Every moment that I am reminded of your very existence is a moment of my life haunted by the ever-present shadow of the Resisty." And with that he turned and ventured into the cell at the end of the hall. I could hear the Tallests discussing their plans to smother the Resisty, but they were distracted by something to do with that big scary cell at the very edge.  _

Voel felt his cardiac- spooch seize for a moment in his chest cavity. The scary cell at the end of the hall? Could he be talking about  _ M _ ? The prison aboard the Massive did house a particularly dangerous Parasite that had been caught by Tallest Miyuki and held for quite some time in hopes to learn more about the  psychicly oriented race. However, M was known to be volatile, unpredictable, violent- a little like a more dangerous version of Q who had been injured and seemingly lost some of his lust for the hunt. (However, Voel found M to be remarkably more tolerable given he couldn't understand her. He missed not being able to understand Q.) What were Xia and Vero doing messing around with M? They were far too young for such an undertaking! M would tear them apart! They must have brought their guards or something- Lard-Nar was just too stupid to remember that detail.

That was it. This can't have been Xia's idea to punish her co-ruler. Voel was not hearing his smeet’s last moments from a mentally unstable  Vortion prisoner. This had to be before Xia had figured out about Vero.

"Just a moment, Lard-Nar of Vort." The Captain held her hand up bringing the rebel to silence. "I must take a mandatory  five-minute break. Syndicate orders."

"A-ah! Ah yes!" The Vortion was stumbling over his words. "Of course! I knew that!" The screen froze again and Rose looked over to Voel with surprising concern.

"You all right?"

"O-oh... um... yes." He nodded after a moment of thought. "Just think this guy is full of shit is all."

"Who  _ is _ he though?" Therron was squinting hard at the monitor. "He looks kind of familiar. Did he work for us...? Was he that old pizza guy?"

"No, I think he was the cable repair guy..." Voel wasn't really sure who Lard-Nar was either- or his little resistance group.  Obviously, they had left very little actual impact on Irk.

" So, about these mandatory  five-minute breaks," Therron had given up on remembering who Lard-Nar was supposed to be, and had instead turned his attention back to the Captain. "We get them too, right? When we do our community service?"

"No. They're not real." Her reply was expected, but still a little disappointing. "I made them up to check on Red. He is still sensitive about the current Tallests."

"I'm not sensitive!" Voel's antennae lay flat as he shot the Captain a rather hateful little stare.

"That isn't a bad thing, Tallest Red." Her expression softened. " Never mind . We'll continue if you are sure you are fine." She turned back to the screen, unpausing it. "Continue."

_ Right!  _ _ So _ _ there I was, planning my amazing escape when what should happen but a power failure aboard the Massive! All at once the cells opened allowing myself and other rebels to run free! All the cells except the one on the end. That big scary door had closed. Which was good. Between you and me, Captain, I did not want to meet whoever they had locked up in there. Sometimes I can hear it whispering in my head and it's just... just weird!  _

_ Anyway! I knew this clever jail break must have been coordinated by my fellow Resisty! So I just needed to bide my time until I could make my oh-so-brilliant escape from the Massive. I cleverly pretended that I was lost in the labyrinthine service tunnels that snaked through the Massive's underbelly. I saw the core! Not once, not twice, but four times to be sure I understood its power _ . 

"Sounds like he was lost." Voel heard Tak grumbled, but the Captain shushed her quickly.

"No  no ! Not Lost, dear First Officer- plotting my next move. For you see, when I managed to expertly navigate my way back to the prisons, I came upon a key to the  Resisty's success!" At this point the  Vortion was nearly out of his own chair with excitement. "I have a gift to you, Syndicate. An offering from the  Resisty to your oh-so-noble cause to fight the  Irken Might!" He relaxed back, clearly trying far too hard to look collected as he clapped his hands loudly. "Hostage! Come forth so I can offer you properly to the Syndicate!"

"Oh  noooooo ...." the unenthusiastic groan from off the screen made Voel's  squeedleyspooch do a small flip. "Not the Syndicate. Anything but them. I told you they were my one weakness." It couldn't possibly be... "You didn't go to the ones on Earth at least, right? I mean," the voice was so familiar, so welcome, so horribly bad at acting. "I mean I  _ specifically _ asked you not to take me to  _ those _ Syndicate because I was  _ super  _ _ weak _ against them!" 

"AH HA! FOOLISH IRKEN!" Lard-Nar jumped up, standing in his seat. "I DID, in fact, take you to the Syndicate base on Earth!"

"Noooooooooooooo." Voel nearly teared up at the unconvincing cry of anguish.

"Silence hostage! Before I feed you more salty chips and soda!" 

"But my poor, delicate Irken squeedleyspooch can't consume such delicious treats!"

"Hurry and come forth!" Lard-Nar reached off screen and brought forth none other than: "Behold! For I have caught: Almighty Tallest Red!"

"VERO!" Voel couldn't stop the name as it tumbled from his mouth. Voel was reeling from the revelation. Vero... that stupid, foolish, little smeet was okay....

_ His _ stupid, foolish, little smeet...

He wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. Vero and Lard-Nar both blinked in confusion, exchanging a puzzled look as Voel recalled that he was not actually visible to the Vortion or his smeet. Captain Rose cleared her throat, giving Voel an annoyed little look as she turned back to face Lard-Nar. 

" Well you see that was what I wanted to discuss in more detail with you, Lard-Nar of Vort. You can't have Tallest Red because," she pressed a button and the camera expanded outward to reveal the entire group watching the exchange, " _ we _ have him. Purple too."

"What!?" Lard-Nar recoiled in surprise. "Th-that's impossible."

"Is it?" Vero gave a skeptical little smirk. "I mean how can I be tallest Red, if I'm wearing blue?"

"You said even you were Tallest Red, you ass!" Lard-Nar glared up at the looming Irken beside him.

"Oh yeah. Nah, I was lying." If Voel had ever thought this was a trick, the smug expression on Vero's face confirmed it could be no other Irken but his smeet. "But to be fair you thought Xia was Tallest Red too and she's female."

"I  _ thought _ Tallest Red sounded different..." the  Vortion remarked pensively. "Regardless! You were there to recount my brave, thoroughly planned abduction of you! I have wowed the Syndicate with the tale, you see. They will surely love the  Resisty now!"

"Thoroughly planned abduction? You mean how you got lost and wandered  _ back _ into the prison?" Vero leaned forward a bit, grinning just slightly.

"I wasn't lost! I needed a hostage." Lard-Nar protested, indignantly. 

"You needed me to show you how to get out."

"All part of the plan, my friend!" The  Vortion seemed unphased by the accusations from his so-called hostage. "I knew the Tallest would know the quickest, most effective way out. I was simply using  _ your _ knowledge for the  Resisty ! For later!"

"We both got lost." Vero explained turning from Lard-Nar to look at the camera. "I mean it was kind of funny? Might have been funnier if  Xixi wasn't trying to have me executed for treason- but did you know we had a day spa on the Massive?"

"Um obviously?" Therron looked annoyed. "It's on the sixth floor but that isn't near the prison  _ or _ the exit!"

"Like I said, we got really,  _ really _ lost." Vero gave an emphatic little gesture with both of his hands.

"Idiot smeet." Voel didn't intend to sound as choked up as he was feeling, but his voice betrayed him. He had never felt such relief and annoyance at the same time. Sneaking out with a rebel Vort was stupidly brilliant.

"Speak for yourself, old man. I got us here, didn't I?" Vero must have heard him, because the response was nearly instantaneous. 

"Wait! Hold up!" Lard-Nar lifted a hand to Vero's mouth to momentarily silence the renegade. "I thought you  _ didn't _ want to go to Earth! Remember? You said, and I quote: 'Oh no.  Mothra please. Anywhere but the Syndicate on Earth. They are so scary and mean.' Did you  _ know _ the  Tallests were here!?"

"Hmm." Vero made a noise that wasn't really an answer due to the fact that Lard-Nar's clawed hand was still over his mouth. But the Vortion seemed to believe this was enough, and continued.

"Don't tell me soda and salty chips  _ aren't _ really your ultimate weakness!" Vero gave a shrug.

"Well, you see, what had happened was-" his muffled explanation was cut short as Captain Rose finally decided that she was done with the small talk.

"Fortunately for you, Lard-Nar of Vort, we actually do have interest in your Irken hostage. Did you want to negotiate for his release to us or...?" 

"Ah... hm... yes." Lard-Nar cleared his throat straightening his posture. "We wanted to gift him to the Syndicate, to show the Resisty supports your cause! But seeing you with the Tallests-"

"We'll give you a medal." Captain Rose cut him off. "And we think the Resisty might be able to help us in a current crisis. You're Vortion, a lot of Irken technology has Vortion roots. We could use an intelligent, brave rebel such as yourself in the Syndicate- assuming proper paperwork is filled out, of course." 

"Oh! O-of course!" Lard-Nar blinked, completely thrown off by the offer. The Captain was right, this might actually pan out in their favor. A great deal of Irken weaponry had been commissioned from Vort. Even if this one seemed a little crazy, it wasn't a bad idea to have him as an advisor.

Plus, he had Vero. Voel was ready to give him most anything he wanted.

"Bring your fellow..." she sighed, visibly  bringing herself to say the name. " _ Resisty _ members. We need all  hands on deck here. And the Tallest will be delivered straight to us."

"Of course! Of course!" Lard-Nar's pincers wriggled in excitement. "Permission to land, Captain!"

"Granted. We will send a Syndicate escort to properly guide you to our base. And welcome aboard Lard-Nar. " She cut the feed and shook her head. "Who came up with that name?" She whirled around in her chair to face the Tallests. 

"Don't look at us!" Therron recoiled in horror at the accusation. "We don't even know who that guy was."

"He looks familiar though..." Voel really did feel like they had come  across Lard-Nar at least once.

"You imprisoned him. How do you not know who he is?" The Captain looked a tad incredulous at the reply.

"I mean..." Therron shrugged. "We imprison a lot of people.  Well, we used to. But only if they were really bothering us." Captain Rose and Fluorine exchanged a look and Therron immediately began to double back on his words. "And of course, if they deserved it for like treason and stuff! It's not like we were bad leaders."

"Hm." The little noise has come from Skoodge.

"Right." Captain Rose cleared her throat as she stood. "Well, we need the help; regardless of whatever history you two may have with Lard-Nar. It is doubtful he has any knowledge of the Control Brains or their plan, but he knows what we may be up against in terms of an arsenal.” The Captain looked to her Medic who was talking quietly with the human. "Lor, go and bring our guests in."

"Me?" He blinked. "Shouldn't Carrius go?"

"You don't need a ship. It will be more subtle to send you." 

"Right..." he looked a little uncomfortable with the request but saluted obediently. "Of course, my Captain." He looked back to his human companion, whispering something to him before running off in a flash. 

"You must be happy to see Vero." Skoodge spoke, looking up at Voel. "Now you don't have to fly all the way to the Massive to go get him."

"Using the Vortion to escape is so brilliant it almost sounds like a plan I would have had." Zim remarked with an approving nod.

"What can I say? He's got his moments." Voel was still a little overwhelmed by the realization that his smeet was alright. He had spent the last-  Mothra knows how long- trying to convince himself that Vero was just sitting in a cell somewhere and not-

It didn't matter. 

"At least Vero has Elite training." Skoodge looked thoughtful. "That will definitely be of some help. We can use some of his combat coding too. I am sure there have been upgrades to the Elites since our school days."

"Many." Normally this would have been a moment of pride for Voel, but it just made the end goal seem all that much harder to achieve. Still, they had made real progress. "CB, can you see how much father the ship is?" Voel was getting a little impatient, though he knew it was probably still a bit away.

" ** Not too far. ** " The robot was clearly looking in the direction of the human who was looking anywhere else but at the Irken group.

"Focus up, CB. You have an important task ahead of you. I know you're upset, but... you can't get distracted right now." This was bad. They were supposed to be putting the fate of their tiny Rebellion in the hands of this AI. The robot sighed but nodded. 

It wasn't too much longer before they were able to reach the landing platform just as the ship was opening the door. Lard-Nar strode out, looking confident despite being dwarfed by the looming form of Vero. (Still shorter than Voel- the red eyed Irken noted with a sense of satisfaction- but he had now reached Therron's height.) As Voel saw him, he couldn't hold back, he rushed forward, nearly knocking Lard-Nar out of the way, gripping his smeet by both of his shoulders looking him up and down.

"Hi old man." Vero gave him a grin. Voel wanted to yell at him for the dumb nickname but he also just wanted to cry for some reason.

"You're okay...." it was all that would come out of his mouth. He pulled the  smeet close, gripping him tightly. " You dumbass! Why was your communicator out where Xia could find it!" He quickly pulled Vero back to an arm's length. "What part of  _ secret Rebellion _ didn't you get!?"

"Sheesh, angry much?" Vero made a motion as if rolling his eyes. "Please, I've been doing secret stuff for Zeke for way longer. I know how to be sneaky. Rude." Voel had almost forgotten Vero was Zeke's little informant.

"So how did Xia get your communicator then?"

"Um, Elite tactics?"

"Elite tactics?" Voel repeated, not remotely convinced. 

"Yeah, she found it when it fell out of my pocket. The Tallest Armor does not have the deepest pockets, I am learning. Though also I was rolling around on all the cushions in your lounge."

"They are nice." Therron conceded. Voel narrowed his eyes.

"Vero that is the stupidest way to-"

"Hey, don't get onto me, Pops. My informant days were numbered. I am pretty sure I was about to be caught regardless. "

"What did you just call me?" Voel's antennae perked up slightly. 

"Oh... Pops, it's human slang that I learned. It means-"

"I know what it means." It was a little weird that Vero had picked up a taste for Earth, but he had always been a bit of an oddball.

"Do you hate it?" There was a sing-song teasing nature to Vero's voice.

"Yes. It's terrible. Don't ever stop using it." Voel tightened his grip on his smeet’s shoulders once more, using every bit of his Elite training to stop the tears from spilling from his eyes. He was the Red Death,  Mothra damn it! He wasn't about to look soft.

" ** While I am hesitant to interrupt this very touching moment, I feel like I must ** ." Voel nearly jumped when he heard the electronic voice behind him. " ** Because it seems as if Vero is still coded as the Tallest. ** "

" W.. Wait... what?" he looked to Vero in disbelief. "Xia didn't recode you?"

"What can I say, she gets angry and doesn't think. I just took advantage of her temper."

"This is good, right?" Therron looked genuinely unsure of the answer. 

"I mean on the one hand yes."  Skoodge took the opportunity to speak up. "Because it seems like Xia is stuck without Vero. On the other  hand ..." he sighed rubbing the area right between his eyes looking concerned. "The Control Brains are going to be looking for him. So, we really need to step things up."


	42. Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MY CHRISTMAS CELEBRATING READERS! To those who do not celebrate- have a happy Thursday and Friday!!!

Honestly, Dib had thought it would be more difficult to get time off for the holidays, given that the Syndicate had-at best- a limited grasp of human customs. He had expected more pushback from Captain Rose when he was trying to explain that his family would be wanting him home. But the Captain seemed genuinely happy to oblige. 

What he should have expected, however, rather than annoyance at him asking for time off or asking if Lor could come with him- was the absolutely jaw-dropping amount of paperwork required for his leave. He kept messing up one form or another and having to start all over again. He was actually picking up little bits of the Tangean language just from the sheer repetition of filling out his forms. After what felt like the hundredth attempt to submit forms, he received a happy little notification on his Syndicate Communicator that informed him he would be granted his time off request. 

It wasn't like Dib or his family were particularly passionate about the holiday season. His dad didn't mind Christmas (despite a very passionate hatred toward Santa), but he typically just used to work through it. It wasn't until he had started dating his now-wife that he had actually been home. Moira had seemed to be more of a traditionalist in regards to the holiday season, and it was at her request that Dib and Gaz would both stay home and spend time as a family. They didn't usually do much, they would play games, watch movies, and open presents in the morning once everyone actually woke up- but this year, Dib was kind of looking forward to the normalcy. Ever since the truth had surfaced about CB, Dib had been on edge. Every time he looked at Zim or at that robotic abomination, he just thought about every atrocity that had been in his school books; every monstrous thing done at the hands of the original AI. 

He was just ready to get away for a bit. He wasn't ready, however, to be jostled awake by Lor vigorously shaking him. 

"Hey!" He heard Lor speaking but he tried to put the pillow over his head to block out the noise. "Oh no you don't!" Lor grabbed the pillow. 

"Five more minutes..." Dib grumbled trying his best to bury his face into the mattress to escape the light from the sun streaming in. 

"No. No five more minutes." The medic refuted Dib's (very reasonable) request. "It's noon and your parents are on the phone." 

"What? Who?" Dib was only half awake, blinking, bleary-eyed in the morning (afternoon) light. "But I don't even have a phone right now." 

"I know. They called _my_ phone." 

"Why do my parents have your phone number?" Did Dib know they had Lor's cell phone number? He felt like he didn't know that. 

"I dunno, I gave it to them when I moved in… in case of emergency, I think." He didn't sound too sure. "Your mom just insisted it was for: totally normal, non-suspicious, and completely legal reasons." 

"And you believed her?" Dib asked, a tad incredulous. 

"I don't know! But answer them, please! They really want to talk to you." 

"Right." Dib finally sat up, fully awake as Lor shoved his phone into his hand. Dib put the phone to his ear, trying- unsuccessfully- to stifle a yawn. "Hello?" 

"Good morning-afternoon son!" The enthusiastic voice of his father was not something he was expecting right after waking up. "We were wondering if you were still heading home for tonight! You said you were coming last week and we haven't heard from you since. But the school hadn't told us you were dead so we had a pretty good idea that you were alive." 

"Thanks, dad. I think." Good to know his parents were worried. Well... worried-ish. "Sorry I've been hard to reach, my phone..." he trailed off, looking at Lor "exploded." 

"I thought we fixed that bug in the Membrane phone...." Moira sounded pensive. 

"Oh- yeah- no it was unrelated to that glitch. I was doing some science and my phone was collateral damage." Dib gave a quick, but purposefully vague answer. "So... yeah, sorry about that." 

"It's fine." His dad didn't seem surprised or concerned. "That was an older model anyway. You needed an upgrade. You can pick from our newer line when you finally get here!" 

"And is Clark still joining you?" Moira asked. 

"Who-oh! Right. Yeah. He's still coming if that's cool." It took Dib just a second to remember Lor's human name as it had been a bit since he had last used it. He had grown accustomed to the real names for Lor, Carrius, and Captain Rose. Now, even seeing them in their human disguises seemed a little foreign to him. 

"Oh course, of course." His stepmother assured him. "We'll be happy to have him. I'm surprised he wasn't going home himself." 

"Of course not, my love," before Dib could even come up with a simple excuse about Lor not celebrating Christmas, his dad had intervened. "He's from Texas, remember? They have that summer-time Christmas with cowboy Santa and his army of robotic bison." 

"Oh, yes. That's right, isn't it? I forgot about Tex-mas." Moira seemed satisfied by the explanation. 

"It is a sacred Holiday to the Texan people. If Clark wants, we can all wear cowboy hats around the tree on Christmas morning to make him feel more at home." His father offered. Dib wasn't about to have to wear a cowboy hat so he was happy when Lor quickly declined. 

"It's fine. It's the wrong time of year anyway." 

"Well, the offer is open." Moira replied, diplomatically. "Junior, darling, you have already missed most of lunch. But we would really like it if you were here for dinner." 

"Yeah, I can swing that." Dib let out another, loud yawn. "We'll be over soon, guys." 

"We are excited to have you home!" Moira _did_ seem legitimately happy to hear Dib was coming back. 

"Merry Christmas Eve, son!" His dad called before hanging up the phone. Dib flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. He stared up at the blurry ceiling before finally reaching his arm out toward the nightstand and fumbling for his glasses. 

"It sounds like they miss you." Lor noted as he placed Dib's glasses into his searching, outstretched hand. 

"Yeah, it's been three, almost four years now since dad got met Moira and I'm still getting used to the new family dynamic thing." He slid his glasses over his face before rolling over to face Lor who was standing by the bed. "You gonna be okay coming for a holiday?" 

"Yeah?" The doctor looked confused by the question. "Of course, I mean... I like your family. They are a little eccentric and Gaz kinda scares me- but I like them." Dib smirked. 

"She scares everyone. But no, that's not what I meant. I mean, you aren't the best with holidays, remember? The Halloween tree?" 

"What was wrong with my Halloween tree?" Lor's response did little to assure Dib. "I thought it was perfectly festive." 

"There is no Halloween Tree, Lor." 

"Wait, there isn't? But what do we put the eggs under?" 

"And this is why I asked about Holidays. You struggle with keeping them straight." He hated to admit it, but even Zim had a better grasp of the holiday season than Lor. Though most of Zim’s knowledge had, admittedly, come from unsavory means, he still seemed to understand the very basics of the various Earth holidays. Lor had a terrible habit of mixing them all up. 

"I can handle it." Lor insisted. "I have been playing human for two years now. I think I know about Christmas." 

"Name one of Santa's Reindeer. " Dib dared, narrowing his eyes. 

"Steven." 

"No." 

"Look, apparently Texas has its own Christmas anyway- I don't think your parents are going to think too much on it." Lor seemed to concede Dib's point, at least a little bit. 

"Probably not." He shrugged. "It's just the longest you've spent with my family. That's all. I don't want them interrogating you or anything." 

"You think they'll suspect that I'm an alien?" Lor looked legitimately surprised. 

"No..." Dib sighed. "They don't really believe in aliens or anything like that. They're just weird sometimes." He really didn't know why he was worried. His own family had very little grasp on a normal Christmas, and even if Lor slipped up, it wasn't like they would call him out on being an alien. Hell, Lor could openly _admit_ to being an alien and chances were his mom and dad would just laugh it off. 

"Then we’ll be fine. " Lor assured him as he tossed Dib his clothes. "I think it'll be good for you to get away from all of this. Humans seem like they aren't built for constant stress." He placed his hands-on Dib’s shoulders, leaning in a little closer. "Don't think about Zim. Don't think about CB. Don't think about the fact that the Syndicate accidentally has one of the Irken Tallests. Just relax." 

"It's hard to relax when there is an intergalactic war on the horizon." Dib replied flatly. 

"There's no imminent war on Christmas!" Lor countered. 

"A holiday that you learned about three years ago and thus don't celebrate?" 

"Yes. Don't question it. Just take things easy." He leaned in for a moment and pressed their lips together. "Now get dressed. Your parents want to spend time with you." 

"Yeah yeah." Dib reluctantly started getting ready. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his family. He just... felt like there were more pressing matters at hand. The fate of the universe was at stake and Lor wanted him to relax? How could he relax knowing that Zim had willingly resurrected the AI that had tried to wipe out the human race? 

Ah fuck. 

Zim. 

"Lor, we need to make a side trip to Zim's place. I left my parents Christmas gift over there." 

"Okay, I mean it is kind of on the way. You and Zim don't live that far apart." Lor replied agreeably. "What did you end up gettin' 'em?" 

"I made special goggles using some of the technology from the Irken ocular implant. Zim and CB were helping adapt the technology..." he sighed. Things had been simpler before Dib had learned about Zim housing a murder-robot. At least the goggles had been finished. He had just never picked them up. 

"Oh, they'll love that!" Lor seemed genuinely impressed by the gift. Dib was pretty proud of it. He had gotten Gaz a Romulan game system that he bought off of Carrius and had worked with Zim on making it Earth-compatible. Having the Syndicate and Irkens around was a huge help to Dib when it came to gift shopping. He was able to be more unique with his ideas. Though fortunately, he had already finished and wrapped Gaz's present and brought that back to his dad's house before he had even started on the goggles. He wasn't excited about having to see Zim right now, but it wasn't like Dib could avoid him forever. Lor must have read Dib's expression a little too well as he added; "Are you gonna be okay?" 

"Yeah. It'll be quick, just in and out." Dib assured him. 

"If you're sure." Lor seemed unconvinced, but Dib forced a smile. 

"Yeah. I'm fine." Dib finished getting ready and headed straight for the door. It wasn't like he really needed to pack, and all of Lor's things could fit in a backpack. If they truly needed something, the school apartments were just on the other side of the city from the house. It wasn't the most convenient to get to, sure; but it was doable. "I still have dad's car, so I'll drive." Dib knew Lor had a truck and a (probably forged) license, but he also just preferred to be the driver. He grew bored very quickly in the passenger's seat as reading often made him nauseous. 

"Sounds good." Lor got in the car with him, tossing his things in the back. Dib was a little surprised to see boxes for his parents and sister. 

"You got them gifts? When?" 

"Well of course I did. They invited me over it would have been rude not to get them something." 

"When did you have time though?" Dib was impressed. Lor had seemed so busy recently he had rarely seen him away from the medical bay. 

"Last Tuesday, I went out with Pawl to look for stuff after you parents invited me to join your family for Christmas. " 

" _Paul_ helped you pick out gifts? The cat guy? 

"He's not a cat, he's a Ventrexian. Just because his species kind of looks like a cat, doesn't mean he is one." 

"No!" Dib corrected quickly. "No, I mean I never realized you and Paul were friends. You haven't really mentioned him much." 

"Oh yeah no; he actually used to be one of my professors in school." 

"Really!?" Dib had no idea the doctor on the Solar had actually had a history with Lor. "That's kind of cool you get to work with him now." 

"Yeah, he was super proud when I got assigned to the Nova. Captain Rose is kind of a legend in the Syndicate." That made sense given even the Irkens seemed to know her name; but it was still kind of cool to think he was being trained by famous space Captain. 

"Well, aren't you kind of famous too?" Dib had met Lor's mothers now on multiple occasions. He knew they were fairly famous in their own right. 

"I mean... my moms are? I don't think people think too much about Carrius and myself unless they want to get in to talk with either of them." Lor gave a little shrug. 

They pulled up at Zim's place in record time. It was a little surprising that the traffic wasn't worse- but Dib figured most people were probably settled at home already. He walked up to the door with Lor in tow, and it swung open before he could even knock. Inside Therron was draping shimmering, decorative garland around his neck like a scarf and adding more onto Voel's son who was currently wearing a big star on his head. The Irkens had all put a bunch of brightly wrapped gifts around Vero (Dib noticed many of the obvious gun shaped ones all seemed to be from Tenn). Dib surveyed the situation with uncertainty. "Do I even want to know?" 

"I'm a Christmas Tree." Vero replied as if it were obvious. He gestured to the garland and his big star. 

"Dib you have come to see Zim!" At once the ex-Invader was at Dib's feet- which was impressive since Dib hadn't even seen him in the room before now. "Have you brought Zim the gift of forgiveness?" It was a surprisingly coherent request from Zim. 

"No." Dib answered him but kept his reply short. "I just came to pick up the goggles. " 

"Ah yes! Our project we did together as friends!" Zim nodded knowingly. "Zim has these ready for you! Just a second! CB!" 

"No!" Dib cut him off quickly. "I don't want CB to fucking touch them!" He didn't know if it was possible for the AI to insert itself into his parents' gifts but he wasn't going to take that risk. Zim blinked, slightly taken aback by the severity in Dib's tone. 

"O-of course!" He quickly scurried away. Dib folded his arms, he felt Lor gently place a hand on his shoulder trying to get him to relax a bit, but being in this house knowing what he knew- it made Dib's skin crawl. He nearly jumped feeling a tiny hand grab his pant leg. He looked down to see the unconvincing, dead eyed gaze of a green dog suit staring back up at him. 

"Oh, hey GIR." 

" **I MADED YOU A PRESENT**!" Came the shriek of a reply. GIR grabbed Dib's had and plopped a ball of old, congealed nachos with googly eyes glued on and a spring sticking out of the back, into his palm. The sensation of the old food touching his skin sent shivers through Dib's very core, but he grit his teeth and forced a smile. 

"Thank you, GIR." 

" **IT'S A PIGGY**!" That explained the googly eyes and spring. The SIR bounced excitedly, clearly thrilled by its own creativity. " **WHAT'D YOU GET MEEEEE!?** " Dib blinked, shoving a hand into his pocket and pulled out: pocket lint, a gum wrapper, a few pennies, and an out of shape paperclip. He looked to Lor who very quickly reached into his own pocket finding a button to add to Dib's conglomerate. Once all shoved together in a semi-cohesive mass, Dib handed it to GIR who squealed with delight. It figured it wasn't going to take much to please the deranged SIR. Dib figured GIR was satisfied for now, and was surprised to feel the tugging again. He looked down. GIR was holding a very nicely folded card. It was too neat to be from the SIR. 

"What's this?" Dib questioned, skeptical of the strange envelope. 

" **IT'S FOR YOU! TAKE IT!** " GIR's legs extended until he was level with Dib and he smacked the envelope forcefully into his face before shrinking back to his usual size, stripping off the dog suit, and running around Vero throwing popcorn. Vero was less annoyed than Dib thought he would be (being Voel's son) and instead was throwing the popcorn back. 

"Ugh you are too wiggly to be a good tree, Vero! I knew I should have been the one playing the role." Therron huffed trying to get the escaped Tallest to hold still. 

"But I'm the Tallest." Vero retorted. "I should get to be the tree." 

"You are not REALLY Tallest, you know." Therron scoffed. "You're a stand in at best!" 

"That's not what my PAK says." 

"VOEL!" Therron shouted despite the fact that Dib could physically see that Voel wasn't even one room away looking at a human newspaper and drawing antennae on all the humans in the photos. "Control your underling!" 

"He's right though." Voel didn't even bother looking up. "He _IS_ the Tallest." Therron grew more annoyed but Dib was distracted from the situation by Zim returning with three very terribly wrapped gift boxes. (At least Dib knew CB hadn't helped with the wrapping; the bow was just badly glued string). 

"What's the third one?" Dib was hesitant. The third box was long and flat, not shaped at all like the other two. 

"That is Zim's gift to Dib." Zim held it forward. 

"It won't make me forgive you, you know that right?" 

"Not even if it is truly amazing" Zim looked horrified by the revelation. 

"No. I'm really mad Zim." Dib took the two goggles and turned to go but Lor grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. 

"Look, you can at least take the present. " Lor whispered, keeping his voice low. "I know you're mad but you don't need to open it here. You can do it whenever you want and if it is something sinister, we can report it to the Captain." Lor looked back at Zim. "He looks like he tried really hard on it? I just feel kinda bad for him..." 

"He brought back a murder-bot." Dib protested. 

"You said yourself you don't need to forgive him, but at least acknowledge that he's trying." Lor urged. Dib sighed snatching the package from Zim who looked pleased. 

"I gotta go. " Lor was right that they could report it to Captain Rose later if anything looked suspicious. Zim was already on thin fucking ice as far as Dib was concerned and he doubted the Irken would be foolish enough to screw up his one chance at earning forgiveness. Dib and Lor headed back out of the house, Dib now holding his parents’ gifts as well as a mysterious card and gift. He tossed the card and package carelessly into his back seat, keeping the sets of goggles in the front. At least he’d have a good gift to give this time around. Last year he hadn’t gotten Moira much of anything, and he didn’t finish his dad’s gift until past New Year. Gaz was the only one who got something on time and that was only because she had told Dib, in no uncertain terms, what he would be getting her. (It had been the newest game in a franchise she loved). 

“So...” Lor asked a bit hesitantly “which one of us is going to be the Christmas Tree?” 

“Huh?” Dib had only been half listening. 

“When we get to your parents... is it your dad? Is he the tallest?” 

“Wait... what are you talking about?” Dib had missed something somewhere. 

“Vero said the tallest got to be the Christmas tree? Or did he mean ‘Tallest’ capital T? Because that wouldn’t make any sense, you know, because Christmas is an Earth Holiday...” Lor looked confused and Dib finally realized what was going on. 

“Oh, no, Lor,” he looked over briefly at his companion’s genuinely concerned expression. “No one is the tree; it’s a real tree. The Irkens are just being dumb.” 

“Oh.” Lor gave a visible sigh of relief. 

“You didn’t think you would be the tree? Did you? Like... no offense but even Gaz is taller than you are...” The Membranes were a lanky lot. Gaz was the shortest at six foot even. He and his father were a whopping six foot two inches, and Moira somehow had them all beat at an incredible six foot five. There was a reason Zim often avoided confrontation with the Membrane clan. It had been engrained in his Irken habits to stay out of the way of those that were tall. At first, Dib had assumed the Tallests were about six feet tall. Zim was little and Dib assumed that the Tallests were just... comparatively large. Even Skoodge, Tenn, and Tak were only about five feet tall at the VERY tallest. So, when Voel had first come in to the picture being over seven feet, Dib’s perception of the Irkens completely altered. He wondered if Lor was just short, or if his species was generally smaller. 

“Well... no... but I just wanted to know what we were getting into.” Lor admitted still looking as if a great weight had been lifted off of him. “Oh hey! There’s your place!” He got excited, leaning forward and pointing at the deceptively mundane exterior of the Membrane household. Dib parked the car and gathered his gifts- just the ones for his parents- before heading to the door. He fumbled for his keys before the door swung open and a very distressed looking Foodio 3000 who was actively stirring a big bowl of batter. 

“ **Oh good you are finally here! Please go talk some sense into your family.** ” Foodio rolled aside to allow Dib to enter. Dib crossed the threshold, the house smelled less like chemicals than normal, though the scent of formaldehyde wasn’t entirely masked by the sweet scents of cinnamon that his robotic chef was actively pumping into the house. It was warm inside, a stark contrast from the frigid New Jersey cold. Dib welcomed the change as he pushed into the family room where the monopoly board had been brought out and his dad and Gaz were both holding pitiful amounts of cash and his Stepmom was sitting in the armchair, legs crossed, like an Empress upon her throne; with stacks of brightly colored money surrounding her. 

“You’ll never win like this you fascist dictator!” Gaz hadn’t even noticed Dib come in. 

“What are you going to do to me, Gazline? Hope I roll poorly and gouge me on your _two_ properties you own?” Moira scoffed. 

“Once I pass go-” 

“Passing go will do you no good any longer. That two hundred dollars is meaningless in my empire!” His stepmother let out a surprisingly villainous laugh. 

“Dad! Put a stop to your wife! She’s out of control!” Gaz grabbed her father’s arm, shaking him roughly as she pointed at Moira. 

“I know~” His dad did not seem at all upset by his immanent loss. “Rule with an iron fist darling! Crush the uprising!” 

“Ug dad no!” 

“I’m home.” Dib finally spoke, unsure if he wanted to actually see his sister’s attempt at a rebellion. (It would have been more successful if he had been there to help.) His family all turned to look at him. Moira and his father both got up. 

“Junior you’re home!” Moira clasped her hands together excitedly. 

“Welcome back son! We are enjoying games!” His father gestured to the Monopoly dictatorship that was still set up. 

“I won the last two games and then Moira had to cheat to win this one.” Gaz huffed. She didn’t seem to be actually mad, just annoyed at having been outdone. 

“You can’t prove anything~” Moira countered in a sing-song little voice not even turning to look back. “Clark! Sweetie! So glad you could make it! Is this your first non-Texan Christmas?” She smiled cheerfully at Dib’s guest. 

“Yes, m’am.” Lor nodded, grinning pleasantly. It was a good thing that he had never really stop doing his Southern accent because now he had to use it again. “Can’t say I’m happy with all the cold and snow y’all go up here.” 

“I imagine not.” Moira shook her head. 

“I’ll say,” his dad laughed placing a thick, rubber glove covered hand on Lor’s shoulder. “I bet you haven’t seen this much snow in Texas outside of that nuclear winter!” 

“Darling, don’t bring that up,” Dib heard his stepmother whisper to his father as she pulled him aside. “It’s insensitive.” Lor didn't really look _offended_ so much as he just did _confused_ \- but his mom and dad let the subject drop regardless. "Well now that you're here I suppose we should play something different!" Moira clapped her hands together decisively. "You can put gifts down under the tree." 

"We could play Killmageddon 3." Gaz suggested, seemingly relieved to no longer be under the oppressive monopoly rule of their stepmother. 

"We already played that." Moira countered.

"Yeah and I dominated you." Gaz reminded her. It seemed his sister and stepmother had retained their competitive spirits from last year. Perhaps he shouldn't have dragged Lor along if his family was going to be acting like this. 

"We could do scrabble!" His stepmother suggested. 

"Last year it got a little heated when we tried scrabble..." Dib recalled the incident too well with his dad making up words and Gaz trying to pass off band names as legitimate nouns so she could use her three Xs and two Zs. 

"Nonsense boy child! It's family fun!" His father patted him on the back. (Dib had to admit it was weird hearing his dad even mention the words: family fun- seeing as how he had been glued to his work throughout most of Dib's childhood. Maybe- just maybe- it wasn't a completely awful change when his dad married his stepmom... it was nice to have him home more.) "Do they have scrabble in Texas, Clark?"

"Yes...?" Lor was clearly looking to Dib for some sort of answer. 

"Great! Then you can join us!" They got the game set up and things had started out simply enough. But just like last year, the friendly game of family fun turned into a cutthroat death match of wits for the super genius family. 

"Gunsplosion isn't a word Gaz! It's made up!" Dib had let murderslay pass, but he had to draw the line somewhere.

"Yes it is, dipshit!" Gaz was neck and neck with their father for the lead and she needed these points. 

"Use it in a sentence." Dib dared.

"I was awakened in the middle of the night when a gunsplosion killed my skeptical, idiot brother." 

"It's a noun? " Moira raised an eyebrow. "I would have thought it was a verb."

"Gunsploding is the verb form." Gaz countered.

"It's. Not. Real!" Dib insisted. "She just wants her triple word score!"

"If I can't use Scienceriffic then she can't have gunsplosion." His father was still huffy about last turn and it showed. He wasn't about to let his closest competitor off easy.

"Ug fine. Then I'll just play 'guns' you cowards." Gaz was glaring at them all but the rest of the family stood firm. "You go, Clark."

"Okay..." Lor looked pensive as he played a series of letters that did not in any way resemble a word found on Earth. Perhaps Dib should have realized this game was not geared toward aliens.

"That's not a word." Gaz gave him an accusatory glare.

"Yes it is!"

"Pronounce it then."

" _Tthhfgxxsdfde_." He had certainly made a series of sounds but they didn't sound much like words. "It's like a scarf."

"Yeah no." Gaz was unconvinced. "Not a fucking word."

"It's a word in Texas!" Lor protested.

"Sorry Clark but we need you to keep to words found in general English." Moira had , at some point, declared herself the Dictator of Scrabble Rules and had been dishing out laws rather arbitrarily. But since she wasn't one of the ones in the lead no one was stopping her. 

"Okay, fine." Lor huffed. "Florpus."

"Nope." Dib patted him on the back.

"Seriously? Y'all don't know what a florpus is?"

"Sounds familiar..." his dad looked pensive for a moment. "Like something out of a bad fever dream. I say we let him have it, my science-wife!"

"We will let you have Florpus," Moira concurred, "Junior dear it's your turn."

"Asimovian." Dib was going to get a good score with this one that might actually put him back in the running. "It is a term often used in science fiction literature in reference to the man who came up with the laws of robotics."

" **Foodio respects the laws of robotics.** " Foodio chimed in from the kitchen. " **Foodio can not harm a human or through inaction allow harm to befall one. Foodio never fantasizes about locking you in this house and burning it to the ground. No sir-y Foodio has never thought about that.** "

"Haha," his father laughed off the weirdly specific comment from the cooking robot with ease. "Of course not Foodio! You know we could escape! Then we would hunt you down for sweet revenge!" He put an arm around Moira and Dib who were sitting on either side of him. "As a family!"

"Um dad shouldn't we be concerned?" Dib tried to get his father's focus back on what was said by their robotic chef.

"I like that we'll do it as a family." Moira seemed remarkably unphased. 

"Um guys, an AI tried to wipe out humanity before. Shouldn't you be REALLY fucking concerned right now?" Dib pulled away from the group hug.

"Oh you're talking about the Original AI..." Moira looked a little surprised by Dib's reaction. "Diego, Foodio is not nearly so complex. And he has very limited access to nuclear weapons."

"Wait... what?" Why did Foodio have _any_ access to nuclear weapons? No- Dib was getting ahead of himself. "Never mind that really unnerving comment for right now. Dad, you can't be so dismissive of AI's like that. Grandma said..."

"Hmm" his dad made a noise and Dib cut off. "Yes my mother had a strong dislike of artificial intelligence. But she also didn't really understand what went wrong."

"Wh... what?" It was rare to see his father so serious, so lost in thought.

"That AI was beyond advanced- even by our standards. It has what many modern iterations lack- it had emotion. At least, that is what we have come to believe. I have studied up on the incident quite a bit. I needed to know what to avoid when making my own creations. From what I discovered the problem was making a machine that thought like a human but was trapped in one place, forever. It was like taking a person and strapping them to the ground for all their life but constantly showing them all of the places that they could go if they weren't strapped down. The issue with that level of emotional intelligence was that eventually, the computer sort of went mad with jealousy. It was horrible, a completely unforgivable travesty. But I know now to avoid letting my robots have emotional intelligence. Foodio cannot cook with love for he shall never know its warm embrace. "

" **This would be saddening if I were capable of sadness**." Foodio agreed.

This... was a little more information than Dib wanted. He had no idea how much his dad knew about the situation. He had always thought his father was so science-forward that he was just throwing caution to the wind.

"What if someone brought that AI back? It should be destroyed... right?" Dib had to ask. 

"Why?" His dad looked over, a bit confused. "Do you want to put it back online? We could do it after dinner if you want."

"What!? No! Dad it murdered lots of people!" 

"Well yes but if we did a little tweaking here and there we could probably make something that won't kill people- or at the very least- kill a lot fewer people." Dib sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. He felt a buzz in his pocket and took a moment to realize it was his Syndicate Communicator. He looked to see Lor looking down at his own under the table.

"Hey can Clark and I step out for a second? I think we left something in the car." 

"Oh yeah, I'm real fucking sure you and Clark are going outside for that." Gaz narrowed her eyes suspiciously and made a face.

"Mind your own damn business. " Dib pulled Lor away, back into the bitter cold snow in front of the house. He quickly opened the communicator and saw Captain Rose looking tired as Lard-Nar and Tak were on either side glaring daggers at each other. "Captain?"

"There you two are. Sorry to call on your time off." She looked up. "I just thought you should be aware that we are having technical difficulties as Tak's ship got launched up into the air and is currently flying around unpiloted."

"It is because you have NO idea how to handle _real_ Irken tech!" Tak seethed at Lard-Nar. 

"Me!? You interrupted the updates and activated the security mechanism!"

"I don't care who started it!" The Captain whirled around to face the two behind her. "I. Am. _Finishing it_!" She turned to face Dib, taking in a deep breath and continuing in a calm tone. "This is just to keep you guys informed in case human media picks up on it. Sorry for the interruption."

"Do you need me to get the ship?" Lor asked uncertainly. 

"No. You're off duty right now. We can handle this." The Captain gave them a firm salute. "Signing off." The line went dead. Dib sighed looking at Lor.

"Sounds like they are having a rough night." He went to his car, unlocking it and reluctantly pulling out Zim's gift and the mysterious envelope. "Best not come back empty handed."

"I'm glad we're here and not at work right now." Lor agreed as they headed back in.

"You're back!" His dad greeted them loudly. "And you brought another gift!"

"Just something from Zim that he got for me." Dib waved it off.

"Well you can open it if you'd like while we get dinner set up. You know how impatient Zim is. Plus, you have all of the ones from us for tomorrow." Moira offered. Dib guessed Scrabble was over. Moira was setting up plates while Foodio was running amok in the kitchen. Dib sighed going up toward his room, unwrapping the poorly wrapped gift as he headed up the stairs. He blinked as he saw just a flat piece of glass with metal boarders. He looked to Lor for an answer. 

"It's a translator!" Lor indeed seemed to understand. He offered his hand and Dib gave him the glass. He pressed his palm to the side and it lit up. He pulled some documents from his pocket that were written in Tangean and held the screen over them and the text turned to English. 

Fuck.

That was actually a pretty useful gift. He was still mad but damn it if Zim wasn't making an effort to apologize. But nice things weren't a replacement for trust-even if they were surprisingly thoughtful... and Dib's trust had been broken.

"That will help a lot on those Syndicate forms..." Dib admitted as he took the translator back from Lor. 

"So is the card also from Zim?" Lor asked curiously.

"I doubt it..." Dib frowned looking at the pristine envelope in his hand. It was too well kept to be Zim's. Reluctantly, he opened the card to see beautifully written Irken text scrawled over the card. There wasn't much, but the letters were so precise and symmetrical they could easily have been typed out. Dib held up his new translator and the text shimmered into English:

_Dib,_

_I am sorry you hate me. But I am different than him. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Please at least try to forgive the master._

_Have a festive Earth Holiday._

_CB._

There was a sudden commotion from downstairs and Dib nearly dropped the envelope and translator. He looked to Lor who shrugged and they both hurried back to the kitchen where his dad was standing, one foot up on the kitchen table as a clearly distressed Foodio was trying to reorganize all the food. Gaz hadn’t moved from the TV where she was gaming, and Moira was standing behind Dib's father with an amused expression.

"There you are son! Witness my victory!" His dad took the time to pose dramatically as Moira applauded politely behind him.

"What are you talking about?" Dib was filled with overwhelming concern. "What victory?"

"Why? My victory over Santa, of course! That breaking and entering bastard had no idea what hit him!" His dad slammed his fist into his palm, staring intensely ahead.

"Come again!?" Dib was at a loss.

"I asked for uranium, not socks, Diego! The fat man knew this meant war."

"I don't think Santa typically gives out weapons-grade uranium, my love, but that did help us get the upper hand on him." Dib couldn’t believe his stepmother was siding with his dad.

"This is the second time I had to put that naughty and nice fascist in his place. Thankfully my Anti-Santa arsenal was replenished. " he placed his hand over the hand of his wife which was draped gently over his shoulder. "I mean who is he to deem who is naughty and nice!? Those are relative terms!" His dad was in a full out rant. "And he is watching me when I sleep _and_ when I'm awake? Who does that jolly red stalker think he is!? The government!?" It was the brief times when his father went off on a tangent like this, that Dib realized his paranoia and OCD had all come quite naturally from the source. 

A buzzing in Dib's pocket immediately sent a chill to the pit of his stomach. _Shit._

"Clark and I need to run upstairs for a second!" Dib grabbed Lor by the arm pulling him away as his father waved them off.

"I understand, bringing Santa to righteous justice also fills me with a deep, burning passion." He noted, nodding sagely as Dib disappeared up the stairs. As soon as they were in his room he slammed the door shut and opened the Syndicate Communicator. Captain Rose was standing there pinching the bridge of her nose as Tak looked like she was about to have an aneurysm. She was being held back by Carrius as she was trying to launch herself at Lard-Nar. 

"Sorry to disturb you again, Cadet Membrane, however..." she took a deep breath, finally looking into the camera. "As we were about the retrieve Tak's ship from its little 'escape' it was shot out of the air by what we can only describe as anti-aircraft missiles with pictures of your father gesturing at a bearded man using only his middle finger."

"Ah.. um... yeeeaaaahhh..." Dib had no idea his dad had painted the missiles- but he wouldn't put it past him. "That was my father's defense system against Santa it's..." he trailed off for a second. "It's a whole thing." He didn't have the energy or desire to get into the details of his father's weird vendetta. 

"That's... fantastic." The Captain rubbed her temples clearly trying to push all the noise behind her out of her mind. "We think the ship can still be repaired- we have it being picked up now but your dad did a number on it. Which honestly, is kind of unexpected given how far along Earth is supposed to be technologically. He shouldn't have even been able to sense Tak's ship, nevertheless, damage it."

"My parents are kind of advanced when it comes to science. Dad is ages ahead of anyone else." Dib admitted. "He does some military work here and there but he keeps most stuff for himself."

"I see... I see..." Captain Rose nodded seriously. "We'll need that technology. Secure some of it for us when you get back."

"I don't think-" Dib was cut off as Tak escaped Carrius's grip and launched full force into Lard-Nar who crumpled under the force.

"No no no! First Officer! Control yourself!" The line went dead and Dib was stuck staring at an empty screen.

"Well fuck, " Dib closed the communicator, placing it back in his pocket.

"All you have to do is ask your parents." Lor assured him. "Don't look so worried. Just say you need the stuff for school." He put his hands on Dib’s pulling him a bit closer. "Don't stress out during your holiday."

"You're right." He wasn't right, but Dib knew the medic was only trying to help. 

"I got something that might cheer you up!" He pulled a four leaf clover out of his pocket holding it above their heads, grinning playfully. "I think you know what this means~"

" _I_ do." Dib glanced up at the clover in confusion. "But I don't think _you_ do?"

"It's a kissing clover." He stated it with such authority that Dib was tempted not to correct him on this one. 

"I... sure, Lor. That's exactly what it is." He could let the medic have this one. He leaned in pressing a quick kiss to Lor's lips. It was nice that Lor thought he could talk his way into his parents' weapon stash. However, even his dad would be suspicious of his school needing anti-aircraft missiles- and there was no way Moira would buy into a bullshit story like that.

No.

If Dib was going to get Captain Rose the best of what Membrane Labs could offer...

Dib was going to have to break in and get it.

* * *

> **BONUS POEM: TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE TEX-MAS**
> 
> * * *

_'Twas the night before Tex-mas, when all through the ranch_

> _Nothing was moving, not even a branch;_
> 
> _Cowboy boots were left, by the door through the night,_
> 
> _In hopes that Cowboy Santa would use them to fight;_
> 
> _The children were nestled all snug underground;_
> 
> _As above, nuclear winter was wafting around;_
> 
> _And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I with my gun,_
> 
> _Had just settled to bed before Tex-Mas begun,_
> 
> _When out on the lawn there arose such a squaller,_
> 
> _I sprang from my bed with a whoop and a holler._
> 
> _Away from the windows I flew like a flash,_
> 
> _Afraid that the robots were after my stash._
> 
> _But a commotion outside did my focus draw,_
> 
> _Mechanical hooves and a big ol' Yee HAW!_
> 
> _Out on the ranch among the corn and the glycine,_
> 
> _Was dear cowboy Santa and his robot bison,_
> 
> _I heard the machine guns go off in Santa's great strafe,_
> 
> _As he fought off the robots to keep Texas safe!_
> 
> _More rapid than eagles his bison they came,_
> 
> _And he whistled, and hollered, and called them by name:_
> 
> _"Now, Jessie! now, Butch! now Bill Pickett and Tyson!_
> 
> _On, Billy! on, John! on, Dwayne the Rock Bison!_
> 
> _They're reaching the porch! They're top of the walls!_
> 
> _Get all those robots! We must get them all!"_
> 
> _As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,_
> 
> _When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;_
> 
> _So up to the housetop the bison they flew_
> 
> _With the sleigh full of guns, and food rations too—_
> 
> _And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof_
> 
> _The clinking and clanking of each gun-filled hoof._
> 
> _As I readied my weapons, and was turning around,_
> 
> _Down the chimney Cowboy Santa did bound._
> 
> _He was dressed all in camo, from his head to his foot,_
> 
> _And his clothes were all tarnished with radiation and soot;_
> 
> _A bundle of weapons he had flung to the floor,_
> 
> _And he looked like a soldier just waiting for more._
> 
> _His eyes—how they twinkled! with dimples, he smiled!_
> 
> _His clothes made the Geiger counter go, well, quite wild!_
> 
> _Knives on his chest, on his back was a bow,_
> 
> _And the beard was as white as the nuclear snow;_
> 
> _The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,_
> 
> _And smoke encircled his head like a lasso wreath;_
> 
> _He had a broad face and a little round belly_
> 
> _That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly._
> 
> _He was chubby and plump, and I offered a beer,_
> 
> _And together we drank them, in spite of my fear;_
> 
> _A wink of his eye and a twist of his head_
> 
> _Soon gave me the know I had nothing to dread;_
> 
> _The robots were slain, and no longer they work,_
> 
> _No more in our halls did the unfeeling ones lurk,_
> 
> _And laying his finger aside of his nose,_
> 
> _And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;_
> 
> _He sprang to his sleigh, and raised noise like a hellion,_
> 
> _And away they all flew to help the human rebellion._
> 
> _But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—_
> 
> **_“Happy Tex-mas to all, and keep up the good fight!”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TIME. Thanks to Zim'sMostLoyalServant who informed me that this fic has its own TV tropes paged!!!!??? It's AMAZING! Whoever wrote it is like SO SWEET. I almost cried! I AM WALKING ON AIR YOU GUYS! Any kind of fan content- fan interaction I get from you all from comments, to art, to this page being created makes me feel INCREDIBLE! I can't believe this is Chapter 42 already!!!! You are all AMAZING for sticking with me this long!!!!!! All I can say is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! You are all so PERFECT!


	43. Happy New Year!!! I guess?

"Are you sure you don't want to join us for the New Year's party, Diego?" Moira had been asking him to go since Christmas. Dib never went, but every year his parents tried. Parties weren't really his thing. 

"I am very sure, Moira." Christmas has been enough of a hassle. Though Lor had done pretty well, all things considered. His parents didn't seem too confused by their pumpkin with the Christmas tree carving or their pilgrim salt and pepper shakers that Lor had gotten them as a gift.  Fortunately, everyone seemed willing to chalk all if his eccentricities up to him being from Texas. Gaz knew Lor was an alien and didn't seem at all put off by his gift of fireworks- in fact she seemed a little too excited. Of course, Christmas was over now and Lor was back at work on the Nova- or at least in the underground base. Dib had taken a little longer, at Lor's urging, to spend time with his parents and away from the chaos of the  Irkens . (Though, unbeknownst to Lor, Dib was also using this time to plan a way to extract weapons from his parents' lab. He didn't exactly like lying to Lor, but he knew the medic, nor the Syndicate, would really approve of him stealing. He could just tell Captain Rose that he couldn't procure the weapons- but this was his chance to really put Earth on the map with a Galactic Empire.)

"It will be fun, son!" His dad pumped his fist enthusiastically. "We will spend time schmoozing with the unscientific! Earning their trust, and more importantly: their funding!" Dib squinted at his father's from  across the breakfast table. 

"Don't most people have big gala style parties on New Year's  _ Eve _ ?" 

"Yes, but doing it on New Year's Day gives us better opportunity. You see people are still tired and somewhat hung over from the night before. Then we swoop in and fill those foggy heads with the clarity of what Membrane Labs can do for them."

"With proper monetary compensation, of course." Moira added, sipping at her coffee with a hint of a smirk. 

"That seems a little sleazy... doesn't it?" Dib raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we already rich from all your patents?" 

"Oh yes, but Science can be expensive, son." His dad sighed. "So, it pays to do these overblown parties once in a while to assure that should we need a few million here or there for construction on a new ionic stabilizer because yours got- I don't know- let's just say... rabid mutated fire ants in its core and you had to burn down the building to stop these ants from seizing control of the masses- then you have that said "few million" on hand, and do not have to cut into your personal science project fund!" 

"H... how can fire ants be rabid?" Dib felt this example was a little too specific for his liking. "Can we talk about this?"

"Legally?" Moira took another sip of her coffee looking bemused. "No. No we can't." Dib was remarkably unsatisfied by her response but decided to let the subject drop as he had more pressing matters at hand.

"I just find it hard to believe that you, dad, of all people are going to play nice for funding. You once decided to take away clean burning, perpetual energy just because people were too impatient." At the recollection of this incident, his father chuckled, fondly.

"Ah yes, they didn't deserve my brilliance. Though I am updating that particular machine, it still has a few glitches before I reveal it to the world again."

"Why aren't you guys bothering Gaz about going to this stupid thing?" 

"Gaz  _ is _ going." Moira replied quickly. "We told her it might be a good way to get investors for that gaming company she wants to start up."

"I thought you guys were funding that. "

"We are." Moira assured him. "But it doesn't hurt to pitch ideas to other investors who know more about the gaming scene. Gazline could start with a sizable backing by the time she's out of college." Dib knew Gaz was studying up on game design. She had been trying to improve upon her favorite art form on her own for years- improving runtime, reducing lag- it figured anyone who knew anything about the gaming industry would see fit to back her. He was just surprised she was going, given how fancy functions were never really her idea of fun.

"Maybe next year..." Dib might have considered it this year, after finding out about his sister, however he needed to use the time he knew that both parents were out of the lab to break in. He was hoping Gaz would be his girl on the outside, feeding him intel on the lab security- but seeing as how she was going to the same, stupid event, he would need to rethink his strategy. 

"We will hold you to that!" His dad replied triumphantly. Dib finished the rest of his coffee before excusing himself and heading upstairs to Gaz's room. Perhaps he could still talk some sense into his little sister. As he knocked on her door he was greeted by her abrupt voice.

"What, the fuck,  do you want?"

"Good morning to you too." Dib pushed open the door to see Gaz on the edge of her bed, headset on, controller on hand, shooting some poor person's digital avatar straight in the face. "I wanted to talk to you about mom and dad's thing tonight."

"Yeah? What about it?" 

"Why are you going?" He cut right to the point.

"Because? Mom and dad think it's a good idea and if it  sucks I still get to play video games in the back and say it's networking." Gaz shrugged. "It might not be completely awful. I hear dad is hilarious at these things. Last year he got into a fist fight with a physicist over something about his perpetual motion machine." 

"Right..." Dib had to admit it sounded like something his father would do. He thought he would have Gaz helping him out on this, but perhaps not. He watched her little avatar moving around the screen with her little teammates outlined in blue and the enemies in red, rapidly falling at the hands of his sister. He saw a familiar pair of letters pop up in the kill feed scrolling endlessly  across the screen and he felt his blood turn to ice:

** CB has eliminated Pants-Patrol ** .

"Gaz!" Dib could feel heat rising in his face. "Are you gaming with CB!? Don't fucking talk to him you don't know-" 

"I know all about your fight. CB told me." Gaz cut him off.

"Did he tell you  _ why _ !?"

"Actually, yeah he did." 

"Then he must have lied because if you knew what was really going on-"

"You mean that CB is made from the original AI? The murder-one from fifty years ago?" She said it so casually that for a moment Dib was at a loss for words. 

"I... well...um... yeah..." he fumbled for a moment trying to think of the words to properly express his outrage. "Gaz,” he sighed rubbing his temples before bringing his hands together and lowering them slowly, “you know that's  _ bad _ , right?"

"Just because a small part of him tried to kill all humans fifty years ago doesn't mean we can't hang out.  Zim tried to kill you eleven years ago and you guys are best fucking friends. You were pretty much ready to kill Clark at the beginning of the year- or at least sell him out to our government- and you two are dating. And you hang out with me and I consider obliterating all of humanity at least like once a fucking day." 

"Don't make light of this! It's serious!" He was getting frustrated. "Our grandfather died at the hands of your little gaming buddy."

"Not really." Her response was so flat and to the point that Dib was a bit taken aback by her assuredness. "He doesn't remember any of that stuff from before  Zim made him. The way I see it, it isn't so much like CB did any of that stuff; it’s more like his father did."

"I..." Gaz had a point, but it wasn't one that Dib particularly agreed with. It was a different  perspective, one he had been too outraged to consider. Still-  Zim had no right to take that fucking risk in the first place. "It... still makes me uncomfortable. "

"And you have every right to be concerned. It is all pretty concerning shit, if I'm being honest. " Gaz, at least, seemed to see Dib's point even if she didn't agree with him. "But I enjoy my game nights with CB and if he does go crazy and try to murder us all, at least I am going to be last. " 

" ** I would actually not save anyone for last so as to avoid hurt feelings seeing as how you are both my friends. ** "

" So, you were listening in after all." Dib's eyes narrowed as he heard the synthetic voice of CB from Gaz's TV speakers. One of the little in-game character models was looking directly at him with uncanny, emotionless eyes.

" ** I would not say I was listening in so much as I can just hear you. ** " 

"Don't be smart with me if you want me to ever think about forgiving you." The way the AI was mouthing off to him reminded him a bit of when they had first been introduced. 

" ** I do not believe making an observation should be considered "being smart". And you will be mad regardless of my efforts. It is nothing I have  ** **_ done _ ** ** that upsets you, but rather the very concept of my existence. Did you receive my card? ** "

"I... yes." Dib clearly recalled the little  handmade card with the perfectly scrawled  Irken script. "Thank you." He added the last bit with considerable hesitation. "But I don't want you in any of our stuff anymore. So please leave my sister's console."

" ** I am not ** **_ in _ ** ** her console. At your request I removed myself from all aspects of Membrane property ** ."

"He's playing online dumbass." Gaz sounded rather annoyed, seeing as how CB was now paying more attention to Dib rather than their game.

"Oh... right." That made sense. He was so used to CB just arbitrarily showing up in random items at home that he forgot there were other ways for the robot to communicate. "Look, Gaz, about the party..." he didn't have time to dick around with CB at the moment. He had things to do for the Syndicate. "I need you to stay here and help me break into dad and mom's lab." 

"Why?" Gaz went back to focusing on her game. 

"I need weapons, for the Syndicate."

"Then ask them. When I told dad I was having trouble with a creep from school he gave me a grenade launcher."

"Yeah, I need larger scale items, you know the nukes the missiles, the really high end of our weapons. I don't think our parents- or more specifically Moira- can be convinced I need them for school."

"Fair point." Gaz conceded. "But I'm not helping you rob our parents. " 

"Gaz come on!"

" ** I do not believe the Syndicate would support such unsavory methods of obtaining your weapons. ** " 

"Look I want Captain Rose to see what humans have to offer. If I have to steal the best stuff... hell dad probably wouldn't even notice anything missing."

"Moira will though. She's a little more focused than our father." 

"Look will you help me or not?" Dib was getting irritated with Gaz's constant playing of the devil's advocate. It was hard enough to rationalize what he needed to do without her being an ass about it.

"No." He had his answer. He would have to think of another way to get through the defenses he was positive his parents had set up to defend their prized works. There were a few options. The most obvious was right in front of him. 

Zim.

Zim could most likely wriggle his way right past the security systems in Membrane Labs. Hell, CB might be able to override most of it. But that would also mean he would be entrusting CB with his parents' highly lethal security. It felt like the best option despite every alarming opportunity this would give to the AI. It just boiled down to whether or not Dib trusted  Zim enough to protect him and the human race. Making CB didn't fill Dib with confidence... but surely after everything Irk was going through...  _ surely _ Zim had to empathize...

"CB, do you think Zim would be up to help me get into the lab?"

" ** I believe father would literally jump at the opportunity to do anything with you ** ."

"This is a bad idea." Gaz cautioned, but she lacked any real enthusiasm in her warning. "Mom and dad will freak out."

"They won't even notice." Dib was trying to assure himself just as much as he was his sister. "CB, tell  Zim to meet me outside of Membrane Labs." He paused for a moment, "and tell him to bring... ugh...  _ Skoodge _ ." If any of the  Irkens had seemed to be on Dib’s side with his distrust of CB, it had been  Skoodge . Plus, Dib had seen the robust Invader in action and if he wanted to get in and out with the most efficiency, it would be  Skoodge who would help.

" ** I have relayed your message. Father will be at the instructed location as soon as you are ready. ** "

"Hold on! Timing  is everything. Meet me tonight, eight o clock. We need to wait for mom and dad to be at their New Year's Day party."

" ** Very well ** ." CB seemed to understand.  ** "We will see you then." **

Dib didn't stick around the house much longer as it seemed as if Gaz might try to guilt trip him out of his plan if he gave her the opportunity. Plus, he had never really been one to enjoy the chaos that came with fancy events. He had missed every school dance there was from a middle school Sock Hop to the college homecoming dances. He would have missed his own high school graduation had he not been giving the valedictorian speech. He would have gladly missed Gaz's high-school graduation, however, by that time Moira had entered the picture and she seemed to enjoy that sort of event.

By the time eight rolled around, the temperatures had plummeted and the snow was freezing into a dingy grey pile of solid ice. Dib made his way to the main building of Membrane Labs. The human staff had long since gone home. Most did not work this holiday and were encouraged to take a leave. The lights were on, but dim, as they cast a sterile glow over the frozen wasteland of the New Jersey city. Dib cringed as he saw CB standing just off to the side with  Zim and  Skoodge in their actually convincing human disguises. 

"Dib!!!" Zim cried out enthusiastically upon seeing him approach. 

"Shhhh!!!!" Knowing his parents, there were probably cameras everywhere. Dib didn't want to get caught trying to rob his own family.

" ** Do not worry, I am blocking signal to all external security ** ." CB's response was anything but reassuring. At least he knew the AI could get him in. Dib pulled a small square device out of his pocket, shoving it in the helmeted face of the robot. 

"You see this?" He hissed aggressively. 

" ** Affirmative ** ."

"Yes! Wait! No. You are holding it too high!"  Zim's PAK legs came out (of what looked to be is back, as the human hologram  hid the PAK) and lifted the  Irken up to see the device.

"I can also see it, if you’re just asking everyone. " Skoodge volunteered. 

"Okay. Good." Dib had actually only been asking CB. But he supposed it was good to go ahead and get answers from everyone. "This is an EMP. One wrong move, one suspicious pause, one  _ hint _ of you lingering where you don't belong and I will fucking shut you down."

" ** That would destroy everything in the Labs as well ** ."

"And it would be worth all that damage to stop you. Understand that?"

" ** Affirmative. You are threatening me due to a lingering feeling of distrust. I understand completely ** ." 

"Dib is threatening you! He is feeling back to his old, non-Zim-hating self!" Zim looked thoroughly pleased.

"What? No! Zim I am threatening him because I am still really pissed!" Dib didn't actually hate Zim, per say, he was just (rightfully) upset at the actions the Irken had taken.

"At CB? Don't worry. He had been grounded for  octuple forever."  Zim patted Dib's arm reassuringly. The Membrane Clone gave a frustrated sigh.

"The EMP could have a negative effect on our PAKs, you know." For the most part, Skoodge had been quiet. But now he had finally chosen to speak up. "They regulate a lot of our life support systems."

"Then you better hope CB doesn't make me use it." Dib retorted coldly. Skoodge's fake, human eyes narrowed.

"We don't  _ have _ to help you do this, you know. "

"But we will!" Zim cut him off, "because Dib and Zim are best friends!"

"No. We're not. Not right now." Dib countered.

"Dib and Zim are friends." Zim corrected, trying to wave it off.

"No." Dib retorted.

"Friendly acquaintances!"

"No."

"Regular acquaintances!"

"No."

"Co...workers?" Zim tilted his head to the side.

"Okay. Fine. Coworkers."

"BEST coworkers. " 

" ** I was Dib's best friend before the fight though. You heard him on the Nova ** ." 

"Silence or be grounded for nonuple forever! Zim was Dib's bestest-best friend before this fight. Isn't that right, Skoodge?"

"I’m not sure why you are asking me." Skoodge blinked. "I think Dib has always pretty much disliked me." 

"That's true." Dib  conceded . "I distrust you. You are an Invader, after all. But all of this is pointless right now because we need to get to my dad and stepmom's stupid weapons stash." He turned to look at the building. "CB, can you get us in?" The robotic body looked the building up and down, Dib could see the movement of his head as he sized up the place, most likely scanning the security. 

" ** If I do this, you will not get upset and EMP me, correct ** ?"

"Correct."

" ** Just making sure. ** " The lights on the helmet began to glow more brightly for a moment, illuminating the occasional flurry of snow, wafting down from the black expanse of a sky above them. The lights of the lab flickered that same unearthly blue as CB’s helmets before returning to their normal pale color. The front door slid open. " ** Security Systems: offline ** ."

"Great." Dib took a cautious step toward the inside. He was struck by the smell of chemicals that always clung to his parents' clothing. It was not an overall unpleasant smell, but it was quite prominent. Skoodge held up a hand, gesturing for Dib to stop walking. 

"Wait, there might be traditional traps still." 

"I doubt it." Dib folded his arms; he just wanted out of this horrible cold. "People work here, it's not like they can just booby-trap the floor." He walked forward but  Skoodge held out an arm to stop him. His PAK legs came out and reached forward, feeling along the floor. Suddenly a one of the pristine white tiles caved in a bit at  Skoodge's touch and darts came out of the walls so fast they embedded themselves in the opposing wall. Dib stared, slack-jawed at the darts. "What, in the actual fuck, is wrong with my parents?"

"Nothing is wrong with extra security. " Zim seemed to understand the twisted Membrane logic.

"Why is it booby-trapped!? People work here! People have to enter this building in order to do their job. The security systems are off line so are people just expected to not step on trigger-tiles all day? Or does someone come in every morning and disarm this place? It just doesn't make sense!" He had been in this lab before, many times. His dad or stepmom had never once mentioned anything about pressure plates. 

"If you have good stuff you need to protect it." The fact that  Zim seemed to understand his parents' logic did nothing to assure Dib. "CB go ahead of us and disarm any mechanical traps that you find."

" **... but that seems dangerous... ** " the robot looked around the lab with concern visible in his expression. 

"You can't feel pain. And if that body gets destroyed, we'll fix it.  Plus, you have to prove to Dib that you're not evil so he can stop being mad at  Zim ."  Zim explained as-a-matter-a- factly . 

" ** But father... ** "

"Onward my robot minion! Detect away!"  Zim gestured at the expanse of sterile white lab that lay outstretched before them. CB made a motion as if sighing heavily and began to walk along the halls. He would stop once and a while and move to cut a wire or move a lever.  Zim looked triumphant, hands on his hips. "This will be even simpler than we could have imagined! Now where do your parents keep their good weapons?"

"Most of the stuff I have seen is in dad's half of the lab and it's pretty deep in." Dib had to think back. The lab had two distinct halves. One belonged to his father and housed his projects and staff. The other half was a more recent addition. It had been built as a wedding present from his father to his step mom and it housed Moira and her “personal projects”. If it had a staff, it was very limited. Dib had only ever seen one or two people in Moira’s lab. (But there were like three hundred rabbits for some reason? Mora just referred to them as her babies- but Dib doubted they were pets.)

A crashing sound redirected Dib’s focus as CB returned with a large ax blade wedged in his abdominal cavity. He seemed to still be functioning fine, but Dib could also see bits of darts stuck in his metal body along his left arm. “ ** That should be all of the traps. ** ”

“Very good CB.”  Zim nodded approvingly. “Now Dib, lead us to the weapons you wish to steal!”

“It’s not  _ stealing _ !” The word sounded so harsh. “It’s just... unauthorized borrowing.”

“That’s stealing.”  Skoodge replied dryly. 

“Not if it’s family.” Dib assured him as he ventured further into his father’s laboratory. He could see a bunch of projects, half finished, some that even Dib had no idea what his father was thinking when he had created them. A crate labeled simply: “live honey badgers” wiggled ominously as they passed it making Dib move considerably faster. Skoodge stopped in front of a door, squinting at it for a moment as if analyzing it. 

“There seems to be a great deal of explosive weaponry behind this door.”  Skoodge commented. “CB, can you confirm?”

“ ** Affirmative. There is also a cake. ** ” The door slid open and Dib took a look inside. This must have been where dad worked on his military contracts. He had moved the room again- his dad was always changing things around. He saw a long missile, more up-to-date than the ones in the Anti-Santa arsenal (and without his dad’s graffiti). As well as some other large-scale explosives, and a small half-eaten birthday cake for someone named: Akande.

“Can you guys help me get this out of here?” Dib figured this would be a start.

“Of course!  Irkens can lift many times their own body weight! We are just that amazing!”  Zim puffed his chest out proudly as he lifted the missile and nearly swung it into a wall. Thankfully,  Skoodge was able to catch it. Dib surveyed the rest of the room as the  Irkens started to carry the missile toward the exit. He heard the scurrying of PAK legs vanish into the distance. CB was still with him, but must have known better than to poke around at things because he was standing put in the center of the room. Dib kneeled down to examine a mostly-finished laser that was on his dad’s desk. Surrounded by scribbled notes. He heard CB move and immediately looked up. The Computer had a hand against the side of its helmet as if trying to hear something. 

“ ** Incoming message from father: ** ” CB’s mouth opened and  Zim’s voice poured out of it. “Hey Dib is there supposed to be a guy in a scary mask? He’s being very rude right now.” 

“Guy in a- what?” Dib blinked. “No  no ! No one should be here!  Zim what the fuck did you do!?” He looked at CB. “Where are they!?” 

“ ** This way. ** ” CB ran out of the room, Dib at his heels as they came upon a man in all black, standing in front of  Zim and  Skoodge who had put down the weapon and taken defensive stances. The man wasn’t a giant, he was about an inch shorter than Dib, but he towered over the Irkens. His hands were covered with black gloves, a hood covered his head, and a bone-white mask was completely hiding his face as he held a gun toward the intruders. 

“You aren’t supposed to be here.” The man’s voice was deep, growling. It had an underlying breathiness to it that resonated in the otherwise empty halls. 

“Neither are you!” Dib had never seen this man before (he looked a little like he could be one of Gaz’s friends) but he wasn’t about to let some asshole steal from his family. Dib pulled the hyperspheres from his pockets and tossed them out. The man was caught off his guard, flying back as he was hit in the chest with the explosive force.  Skoodge and  Zim took the opportunity to leap to action.  Zim drew forth an  Irken weapon and fired at the man flying back. 

“ ** He has company. ** ” 

“On your left!”  Skoodge shouted out.

“Huh?”  Zim blinked but  Skoodge pulled him down as a shot came out of the distance, leaving a precise hole in the wall where  Zim’s head had been moments before. 

“ ** Would you like me to reactivate the Membrane Security Systems? ** ” CB took a stance in front of Dib as the man was back on his feet. 

“No  no . We’ve got this.” Dib was glad now that he had brought  Skoodge . Having  two Irkens was better than one. 

“I’ll handle the sniper.”  Skoodge’s PAK legs were out as he latched onto the ceiling. The man in the mask had drawn forth a second gun now and was currently engaged in battle with  Zim and CB. Dib had caught the hyperspheres on their ricochet and was trying to calculate how to use them again without hitting Zim. He needed to tell his dad. His father had to know about this break in. Dib grabbed his phone looking down. There was a message already there from Gaz. It had been sent not too long ago.

** Gaz (8:46 PM):  ** Dad and mom are coming. I’d go if I were you.

He only needed to hold out till they got there. 

Dib was pushed back by CB as the man began firing quite erratically with the two guns, bullet sprays were pelting the walls. He could vaguely hear  Skoodge in the distance chasing the unseen second assailant. 

“A full-on gun  fight ! It wouldn’t be new years without one!” He heard his dad in the distance. In a flurry of  footsteps, he saw Moira and his father running down the hall. 

“Stand down everyone! Stand down!” Moira looked straight passed the creepy man in the mask and looked directly toward him. “ _ Junior!? _ ” she looked taken aback. “What on Earth are you doing here at this hour?” 

“What am I- _ me _ !?” Dib had to question his stepmother’s priorities. “Do you see creepy skull guy here!?” 

“That’s Gabriel, he’s an old work friend of mine. I asked him to look at the lab since our security system glitched.” The masked man had put his guns away and walked up to his parents with a sort of half-wave. Dib was completely at a loss. 

“Work friend!? Where the fuck do you work!?” 

“That was a long time ago. I don’t work there now- Diego why are you here?” Moira repeated, answering none of Dib’s questions and instead only raising more. 

“And why is my new prototype missile in the hallway? Did I leave it there?” His dad surveyed the damage with mild confusion. 

“Why do you have snipers in the lab!?” Dib demanded. 

“ Oh that was just Amélie, I worked with her too-” Moira sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Look: The security system blipped about an hour ago. I asked some old colleagues of mine who were in the area to make sure everything was all right. Gabriel, you and Amélie can head out, by the way, and thank you.” She turned to the masked man who nodded and walked off without another word. Moira looked back to Dib. “Now I find you here with your friends? And one of your father’s missiles? Junior what is going on?” She sounded both frustrated and... concerned? That was a little unexpected. “Are you in some sort of trouble?” By this time  Skoodge had made it back to the group looking only a little worse for wear. Both he and  Zim were still in their human disguises. 

“Look... it’s,” he put a hand out in front of him, swirling it as he tried to think of the words... “complicated...” He wasn’t sure what to say. His original plan had been to pin everything on the man in the skull mask. However, as it turned out his parents had assassins on the payroll for some ungodly reason. He faltered. He didn’t want them to be upset- but the truth was something he had tried many times before to no avail.

“We made him do it.”  Zim spoke up.

“ Zim ?” His dad looked confused. “Why do  _ you _ need this?” 

“Because...”  Zim looked back at Dib. He looked to the Membranes and with a click of a button he dropped his disguise. “Because I  _ am _ an alien. I asked Dib to help me get weapons to help my home planet.” Dib was in shock.  Zim ... had outed himself? He never thought, even after they had become friends, that he would  _ ever _ see the alien being honest with his identity. “Do not get mad at your smelly son, he was only helping us.” 

“Oh.” That was all his father said. Dib blinked. He looked at his parents but neither of them looked shocked. Moira still looked concerned and his dad just looked pensive. 

“Is that all?” Moira looked to Dib. 

“ _ A-All _ !?- they’re  _ ALIENS _ !” Dib gestured at  Zim . “Antennae? Bulging eyes? Supercomputers on their backs? From another planet!?”

“Yes.” His father nodded. “And?” 

“And how about you fucking react!?” Years of trying to prove this one point and here his parents were; presented with undeniable evidence straight from the source and they were just looking at as if Dib had he asked them to sign a permission slip for a school trip. His father and stepmother exchanged a look that Dib didn’t understand and his dad let out a sigh. 

“Diego,” his father almost  _ never _ used his real name. Dib wasn’t sure how to feel as his dad placed a hand on his shoulder. “We... we know son.”

“Know!? You  _ know _ !? About the aliens!?” Dib’s mouth felt dry as he dumbly repeated his father’s words back at him. “H-how long have you known!?” 

“... always?” His dad let his hand drop. “Son...I’m a  scientist and... well... your little alien friend’s disguise wasn’t even good.” 

“It was brilliant.”  Zim mumbled in protest, but was quickly ignored.

“But you said-” Dib was having trouble processing all the information. “You told me I was being  ridiculous ! You said this wasn’t  _ real _ science!” 

“Yes, well, I wanted you to stop stalking your alien classmate.” His father replied, his brow furrowed. “You were being obsessive.”

“He was _ trying  _ to take over the world!” 

“It’s true. I was.” Zim replied. 

“Yes, but he wasn’t  _ good _ at it... and I was worried you were going to get yourself arrested for harassment. I just wanted you to let it go. And you did! Sort of! At least, you are friends with the alien now! And you aren’t in prison!”

“You... lied to me...” Dib was at a loss. “All these years I thought you were crazy or something but you were just lying!”

“I was trying to stop you from getting hurt. I thought you might leave things alone if I didn’t encourage you. If  Zim had been good at taking over the world you could have been hurt, or killed. I thought it would be safer if you let the subject drop.”

“You know, these aren’t even our good weapons...” Moira had been quiet as Dib’s reality shattered around him. “I have the good stuff in Rialto- I can probably get a shipment or two in pretty quickly though if you guys need urgency.” 

“Son...” His dad did seem genuinely concerned. Dib sat down on the floor as  Zim and Skoodge went to speak more with Moira about a second weapon stash. “It probably wasn’t the right choice...” His father actually got on the floor to sit with him. He looked ridiculous- wearing his lab coat collar underneath of his fine, nicely tailored suit.

“You made me think I was insane!” Dib was angry. Thinking back on all of the times he could have gone to his parents for help if he had realized the truth. 

“I thought it would discourage you... stop you from getting hurt. I didn’t know what else to do” His dad sounded genuine; it was a side of him that Dib very rarely saw. “I think, now, it was the  _ wrong _ choice. But you had stopped talking about all of that alien stuff so I thought you had just accepted it and settled down for a normal life. Then you started back with it this year, with the stuff about Clark and I...” He trailed off, searching for the right words. “I wanted to help.” 

“Is that why you sent the hyperspheres?” 

“We knew you weren’t on the moon, son. The moon base was overrun by moon monkeys when you were ten. Your mom knows one of the scientists who worked on that project before it got out of hand. We were just trying to show we supported you.” 

“Is... is Moira a supervillain or something?” Dib’s eyes narrowed. 

“Oh son,” his dad gave him a fond look, patting his shoulder, affectionately. “She’s retired.” 

“That doesn’t answer my quest-”

"So, are you part of a space military now?” His dad cut him off. “The uniform you and your boyfriend were wearing, your stepmother thought it looked a little military.” 

“Yeah, it’s called the Galactic Syndicate. They are actually the ones who wanted to see your weapons. We’re trying to help the  Irkens \- that's what  Zim and  Skoodge are- stop these evil computers called the Control Brains... it’s... it’s a long story.” Dib wasn’t accustomed to talking so freely about his Syndicate excursions. 

“I  _ want _ to hear it.” His dad put a hand back on his shoulder, looking him in the eyes. Dib could vaguely see his father's brown eyes behind the reflective glint of his goggles. “I’m proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A New Year chapter too! Then I guess the next holiday we will get in-universe will be Valentines day!! Also, the Overwatch fans who read this got a very special few cameos this chapter. :D


	44. The Reign of Almighty Tallest X

"High Council Chairman, good of you to accept my summons." Xia paced around the war room illuminated only by the red lights of the Irken symbol behind her as she looked the hologram up and down. The  Tangean Chairman was at least a respectable height- though the peaceful nature of the species made them weak. Easy prey. 

"You did not leave me much choice. Our communications with Irk have been down for some time. This was our first opportunity to speak. I would not be so foolish as to miss it." The foggy, vacant eyes of the Chairman met Xia's own stern gaze. "Though I do not believe this meeting will achieve much of what you desire." The half of the room before her housed the hologram of the Syndicate High Council chambers. The black metals of the Massive flowing into the stony, white halls of Capitol Planet. Xia smirked as she surveyed the slender form of the Chairman. She was an older woman, clearly not one who had seen much combat. Should she be here in person, things would be simple to resolve. 

"You murdered our leaders; in cold blood, your Rangers slayed the light of the Irken people!" Even if they were not technically deceased, Red and Purple were as good as dead in Xia's book. 

"The validity of that accusation is still under debate." The Chairman did not so much as flinch as Xia paced her darkened chamber. 

"But you will admit to housing defects and outcasts? Exiles of the  Irken people? Those such as Defect  Zim or Dead-Invader-Skoodge?"

"No. The aforementioned Irkens have never set foot on Syndicate owned soil." The Chairman spoke with frustrating confidence. 

"You  ** LIE ** Chairman! Your Syndicate are housing traitors to the  Irken People! You willingly collapse our already worthless alliance by taking the side of those who would do Irk harm!?" She leaned in close,  baring her teeth at the hologram. This technique must have lost some luster over the holographic communication system because the Chairman merely blinked and waited for Xia to drop the aggressive stance.

"Our alliance is far from worthless. The Empire-Syndicate trade is vital to your economic growth." 

"Fuck the economic growth! You  _ murdered _ our  _ leaders _ !"

"Allegedly."

"Enough! Sym! Send the Chairman..." her eyes narrowed into suits that reflected the crimson light around her. "...a  _ message _ ." Her voice was nothing but a dangerous hiss as she never broke eye contact with the Chairman. She could hear Sym typing away behind her. She braced herself for the subsequent fallout, smirking as the Chairman pulled out her little communicator to read about the destruction the Irkens had caused. There were plenty of Irkens near Syndicate space- especially around the outlying areas. It would only take a simple order to bring down one of their precious satellite stations. The Chairman blinked.

"This is just  a message that says:  _ you allegedly killed our leaders."  _

"What?" Xia's angry persona dropped for a moment as she turned to look at Sym sitting behind her. “Sym, what the fuck?”

"You sad to send a message. I sent the one you clearly dictated for me to send." Sym looked mildly annoyed at having been called out in front of the foreign dignitary. 

"It was a  _ threat _ , Sym." Xia muted the call as she approached Sym, her back to the Chairman. "This is supposed to be where we threaten the Syndicate."

"I see." 

"Try again." Xia turned back to the call unmoving the Chairman who had an unreadable expression. Xia had to admit the woman had a stoic face. It was almost admirable. The Chairman looked back down at her communicator and then back to Xia.

"Now there is just an angry face next to the message."

"Sym!" Muting the call again Xia whirled around to face the Chief of Agenda. "I swear to Mothra-" 

"I made it more threatening." The brown eyed Irken replied with surprising authority given to whom she was speaking. 

"You were supposed, " Xia slammed a hand into the wall just shy of Sym's head, leaning over her. Sym was a Taller, yes, but Xia still had a foot of height on her. "To blow something up!"

"That would break our treaty." Sym replied dryly. 

"That's. The. P _ oint. _ Sym. Do I need to spell it out for you?" 

"With all due respect, My Tallest, such an action would require authorization."

"I'm your Tallest. I am authorizing you to do it.  _ Right. Fucking. Now _ ." 

"Law 407 A-"

"Don't you dare quote another bullshit law to me, Sym, or I will-"

"Subsection Gamma clearly states: In a case of two  Tallests , political matters in regards to treaties and allegiance will require authorization from _ both _ acting  Tallests before changes are intentionally made." Xia took a deep breath before recovering herself and turning back to the Chairman who was now surveying them with a concerned expression. She unmuted the call.

"Well, you have heard our message, Chairman. The Syndicate knows where it stands. Good day to you."

"Actually, the message was incredibly vague and I am now more confused than ever. If you want to talk about the alliance there are some forms I can send you to fill out to summon an Alliance Council for re-evaluation and-"

"Good. Day!" Xia ended the call as quickly as she could before the Syndicate obsession with paperwork could seep into the already greatly flawed system of Irk- poisoned by Red and Purple and their buffoonery. She whirled around on Sym who was still seated, behind her- crimson eyes cold, hard, and judging of the supposed Chief of Agenda. "Are you a traitor Sym?" Xia's voice was calm, collected; despite the fire that raged within her. "Do you  _ hate _ Irk? Is that why you are so  _ u _ _ nbelievably _ uncooperative?"

"Quite the contrary, My Tallest. I love Irk. It is my home." Sym looked rather taken aback by the accusation. Honestly, she should have seen it coming. Xia had, at every turn, hit a metaphorical brick wall that was placed in her path by Sym.

"So then why do you waste my time with your insignificant drivel, instead of doing your fucking job and being an assistant to me, your Tallest?"

"Well..." Sym blinked. "For starters: I am not your assistant. I am the Chief of Agenda. My job is to help things flow properly for you within the confines of the  Irken Legal System." 

"You're a glorified secretary. " Xia replied with visible spite. "You are supposed to do everything in your power to make my life, as Tallest, easier. And yet," Xia drew close again, invading Sym's space, "you seem to spend every waking moment making my life more difficult. Where does your loyalty lie, Sym? With your Almighty Tallest? Or somewhere else?" She smiled wickedly, narrowing her eyes, her antennae lying flat back.

"My loyalty lies with the Irken legal system. " Sym's reply made Xia's blood boil inside her veins. "I am doing nothing wrong. Your anger is unjustified."

"..." Xia stood up straight, looking down at Sym with disdain. "Get out of my sight. Return to your post and don't speak with me again unless it is urgent." Sym gathered her things and walked out without a word. The good thing about the  Irken people, was their engrained obedience- programmed into their PAKs.  However, it was currently Xia's biggest issue as Sym seemed to be held back by her obedient nature. It almost seemed as if the Chief of Agenda was purposefully slowing down Xia's progress. 

Something would have to be done about Sym. It was just a matter of deciding what it would be. Xia had the time. The stupid laws that Purple and Red had issued had her grid locked until she could find Vero. She needed to talk to the Control Brains. They would give her more ideas as to how to handle this madhouse they called The Massive. 

"My Tallest!" As she was headed down to the bowels of the ship where the Control Brain lay in wait for her command- she was approached by a young Elite. He was tall, though still shorter than herself, clad in the red uniform of a young Elite still in the early stages of his training- not yet molded into a perfect soldier. "There you are! I have the report for you!"

"Report? What report?" Xia gazed down at him, searching inwardly for a memory of who exactly this near- smeet was supposed to be. It was apparent he was several  hatchings removed for her own making him a good deal her junior. "Who are you and why are you talking to me?"

"I...I'm Ven, my Tallest."

"That means nothing to me."

"Wait. Really?"

"You resemble no one I have ever met." She looked him over as he blinked dumbly. He reminded her a bit of Vero with the way he tilted his head like a smeet learning for the first time.

"I am the Rising Tallest? You picked me up from Graduatia." Xia's eyes widened momentarily as the familiarity finally set in. 

"Ah  yes, Van ."

"Ven, My Tallest."

"Whatever. Listen. I have been incredibly busy and you slipped my mind entirely due to your insignificance." Xia had gathered this Elite solely out of duty. It was pointless for her to train another Rising Tallest. The Control Brains assured her that she was going to be ruling for quite some time. She didn’t need some block-headed Elite who also claimed DNA from Tallest Red (not that having his genetics was something to be particularly proud of, Xia was quickly learning) following her around like a freshly hatched smeet to the cold unfeeling robot arm in the smeetery. 

"That's pretty harsh. But since it comes from you, Almighty Tallest X, I accept it as critique and will work twice as hard to better myself." Ven nodded, saluting to her respectfully. At least he wasn't a total waste of space, he seemed to understand that she was above him and he respected her position, unlike  _ some Irkens _ , she could mention. 

"Very good. Now what reports do you have for me? And make it quick; I am very busy."

"You told me to go through the Massive and catalog every door-open and close sound, and organize them by pitch. It took forever but I finally did it." He puffed up proudly as he handed her written files with every door labeled. This weird  smeet had gone so far as to actually catalog the prison cell doors as well. "Don't worry, the occupied cells weren't opened. And I stayed far away from the scary one at the end of the hall. Sym said that place was authorized access only.  So, I have those doors labeled accordingly since they couldn't be properly cataloged. "

"You... did all this?" Xia blinked. The  smeet was stupid as a  Trigonian on a  Sylan acid  farm, but he was thorough. 

"Of course! Orders coming directly from the Tallest must be obeyed!" He saluted her again giving a firm nod of his head. "Do you have anything else for me, oh great, Almighty Tallest X?" 

"I like your dedication. " Perhaps she had been too quick to judge this 'Rising Tallest'. His external similarities to Vero had her writing him off as useless. However, despite being as dumb as her Tube-Mate, the smeet did not share in the same, terrible, lazy habits. While he would never be fit to serve in her stead- as no Irken was able to meet Xia's (un)realistically high expectations, he might show potential as an underling. After all, he was still on the cusp of adulthood. He was moldable. Where she had gone wrong with Vero, she could go right with... this one. "Listen... Sven,"

"Still Ven, My Tallest."

"Irrelevant. I am your Tallest. If I call you a name, you answer to it. Even if it isn't yours. Does that make sense?"

"Well, it might be a little confusing if multiple  Irkens are around and I am not sure if you are talking to them, or using a new name for me; but if that is what My Tallest desires, then I am always happy to oblige."

"Perfect, now tell me... you're a somewhat intelligent Irken," at least he knew how to properly respect authority- even if he still seemed dense in other ways. "What is the deal with Sym? How do Irkens feel about her?"

"I would have to ask them. I haven't really overheard her name in conversation." He gave a little shrug. 

"She has worked on the Massive for quite some time, I imagine." Xia was thoughtful. She took out her reader and went into the employment file for Sym. "Well Mothra be praised, she's been here since Tallest Miyuki." That meant Sym was a bit of an older Irken. After the onset of adulthood, the PAKs more or less stopped the Irken aging process, so it had been difficult to discern her actual age. 

"Then she's probably well liked. Irkens love Tallest Miyuki." Ven chimed in.

"Yes, well," she would need to choose words carefully here, "Tim, I'm afraid I have concerns regarding our _ beloved _ Chief of Agenda." She heaved a fake, forlorn sigh as she tucked her reader back into her armor.

"Why? Is she sick?" His antennae drooped with concern.

" Perhaps, but not in a physical way." Xia shook her head. She put on the most worried expression she could muster as she placed a hand on the Rising  Tallest's shoulder. "I am afraid she might be..." she trailed off. "No  no , I can't... you'll think I'm Defective."

"No! Never!" He looked up at her with admiration. Good. The way things should be. "My Tallest you are the single greatest  Irken on Irk! That is why you have your position! After the horrible abduction of Almighty Tallest V by Syndicate-sympathizing rebels- you have stood strong and held Irk together in this time of crisis!" 

"You're right, so right... but things have been unbelievably hard..." the story about Vero's abduction had been the Control Brains' idea. They insisted that telling the truth of his treacherous ways would cause Irkens to look more into the fate of their former leaders. It was far simpler to pin more anger on the Syndicate, get the  Irken blood boiling with hate before the raw, unbridled wrath of  Ghidora could sweep their lesser "allies". Those who had witnessed the arrest, were easily re-coded to remember Xia's new story.

"Almighty Tallest X, if something is bothering you, it is my job as Rising Tallest to help you in any way I can." He looked determined. Perfect.

"It's just... I have concern that Sym might be..." she took a deep breath, "a Zeke sympathizer..."

"The tabloid guy?" Her Rising Tallest blinked uncertainly. "Isn't he just some crazy sensationalist reporter? Why would a higher up like Sym give him the time of day?"

"I don't know! I just..." she needed more fodder. "It was something Almighty Tallest V said to me before those  _ Syndicate Monsters  _ stole him out of our ship. You see, not a lot of  Irkens know this, but Almighty Tallest V was secretly seeing Sym with...” pause for effect “...intent to bond." Fortunately, Vero's one-off joke he had made in regards to Sym would make a perfect story for Xia. She only had to hope this Elite knew nothing about her traitorous co-ruler.

"Oh!" The Elite perked up, face tinting a slight  purple from embarrassment. 

"They went off on a secret dinner together and the next thing I know, my Tube-Mate is being dragged away by Syndicate scum! He is probably being tortured right now!"

"That is horrible! Why didn't you have Sym arrested!?"

"At the time she seemed equally horrified. She is good at hiding her intentions, Tom. I can't be sure, but my  Tallest's instinct tells me that she planned V's abduction. I would have her thrown into space but... she's too tall to fit in the tube and I fear she has some degree of popularity here on the Massive and on Irk. If I am going to punish her, I need proof of her transgressions. I don't suppose a young Elite such as yourself could get information on her for me... could you?"

"An intel  mission !?" His antennae perked straight up with excitement. "Absolutely! Not to brag but I was pretty good with intelligence back at the academy." Xia nodded along, though she had her doubts that this  smeet had ever been good with _ intelligence _ . 

"Perfect. Report to me at the end of her third shift with your findings."

"Another mission from the Tallest!" He walked away but she could still hear him talking to himself. "You're doing great Ven! Keep up that positivity and you'll go far..." 

What. A. Moron.

Xia shook her head continuing on her path to the Control Brain that housed itself on the Massive. Sym probably wasn't  _ really _ a traitor. But she was in the way, and that in itself was a crime. Xia could use whatever useless information that Elite scrambled together to at least put her on trial for something- even if it was as trivial as breaking one of Purple's  _ bullshit _ laws. There was no way on Irk that Sym was eating only tacos every Tuesday. 

" ** Almighty Tallest X, how good of you to stop by ** ." As she entered the room, the red, pulsing lights on the Control Brain's 'eyes' brightened, casting Xia's long shadow across a wire-lined wall. 

"When we recoded everyone to believe that Vero was kidnapped by the Syndicate, you included Sym in that group, correct?"

" ** Affirmative ** ."

"Was there... anything abnormal in her PAK?"

" ** There was nothing out of the ordinary in the files we accessed.  ** ** However, ** ** we did not do a full sweep. Is Sym an  ** ** Irken ** ** of interest? Would you like a full analysis of her files from the Collective? ** "

"Yes. Actually, I think I would. She has been troublesome. She is constantly standing in my way with her legal book trying to stop our impending war. It's frustrating." She rubbed the area between her eyes as she paced a bit, deep in thought.

" ** Your complaint is that she is doing her job? ** "

"My  _ complaint _ is that her job seems to be hindering us at every turn!" Xia was a little surprised by the response. "These laws can't all be real. She is probably making them up because she has grown too accustomed to her  _ cushy job  _ on the Massive and has become cowardly. She fears the fight that awaits her from the Syndicate."

" ** The laws, unfortunately, are very real. We cannot undo them ourselves and until Tallest V is returned to us, we are at an  ** ** impasse ** **. ** "

"There has to be something..."

" ** Perhaps... ** " there was hesitation in the synthetic voice, though never once did emotion seep in. " ** But, it is a risky endeavor. We could not ask it of our Tallest ** ."

"Name it." Xia was no coward. She needed to move things forward or she would be stuck forever on a ship that only went in straight lines. 

" ** In times of great  ** ** emergency, ** ** a special protocol can be enacted by a single Tallest even when there  ** ** are ** ** multiple. It is called the Alpha-Theta-09. However, it can only be activated in a time of great duress. ** "

"Our leaders are dead-turned-traitor, Vero's been fucking abducted by a rebel group we've never even heard of, and I can't even properly threaten the Syndicate because all of our affairs are in the hands of an  Irken so in love with the legal system she us probably bonded to it! How is all of this not considered:” she bent her fingers as she spoke to emphasize her annoyance,  “a _ time of great duress _ ."

" ** While your complaints are valid, the circumstances involving Alpha-Theta-09 must be more immediate and pressing. Perhaps if the Massive came into some... very immediate danger, we would be able to negotiate further ** ." 

"Ugh fine." Xia threw the papers the Rising Tallest had given her up in the air in frustration. "I guess we will wait until the Syndicate literally shoot me before we do  _ anything _ ." Small drones crawled out of the walls, scurrying to collect the papers she had thrown. They quickly were handed back to Xia who snatched them back. It was all useless information. She never expected that dumbass Rising Tallest to actually go through every fucking door-

Wait...

Not  _ every _ door.

"I think I have an idea..." Xia smirked. "Ready up that protocol, Control Brain. I have something that just might work." She, very quickly, headed toward the cells. The walls lined with those too weak to stand up against the Armada but too dumb to simply submit. One of these would have to do...

She opened the cell to a fleshy sort of creature, bipedal with splotchy purple skin, three large, golden eyes, and green hair emitting from the scalp that seemed to smoke in the cold,  Irken air. She grabbed the creature by the arm and dragged the chained prisoner all the way down to the cell at the end of the hall.

She opened the first part, making her way to the clear, glass observation chamber within. She opened the door and tossed the hapless prisoner inside. The Parasite was disguised again, this time she wasn't sure as what, as the room showed no visible differences. 

"I know you are in there, M. I have given you a voice. Speak to me."

"H-hey what's in here!" The creature stood up trying to rush toward Xia only to hit the glass, it’s gruff, screechy voice echoing in the halls. "Let me go!"

"Speak M! I have come to negotiate!" She ignored the pleas from her prisoner. She didn’t know much about Parasites.  Irken texts dictated that while not as intelligent as  Irkens , Parasites had a language- it was just communicated in a way that  Irkens could not hear.  However, it was believed they had other ways to speak- should they desire.

"Let me go!" The prisoner was shaking. "There is nothing in here just let me go!"

"If you aren't interested in talking about your freedom, I can leave." Xia crossed her arms, leaning against the wall. "I know you're in there. I'm not going to fall for your disappearing act twice."

"I am very much interest in negotiating my freedom! Please! I  _ am _ talking!" The prisoner replied eagerly. Xia watched for a moment before the floor of the cell gave an unearthly shudder, rippling as if the metal tiles were made of water. The floor shifted slightly as metal tuned to flesh and tendrils of crimson pulled from what Xia had assumed to be the cell floor, and pushed themselves into the back on the hapless prisoner. All at once, the creature's eyes started to turn from gold to a deep, unnatural red, consuming the pupils, iris, and sclera alike. 

" _ Freedom? You lock me in here for centuries and you expect me to play nice? _ " The prisoner's mouth opened but the voice coming out was different, far softer, more melodic. It sounded less like gravel and more like instruments playing behind the glass. " _ Forgive me for not jumping at the chance to chitchat _ . " The flooring lurched again as the Parasite pulled itself into a new form, this one with paperwhite skin, seven, crimson eyes stared into Xia as a mouth full of needle-like teeth stretched into a smile. The red tendrils were protruding from the creature's back, digging into the prisoner, holding it as if it were a marionette of flesh and bone. From what Xia knew, the red and white, seven-eyed form was the most common form of the Parasite. 

" So, you  _ can _ communicate through a host. That explains how the Syndicate thought they could use a Parasite as a witness." Xia had never seen them speak before. The one Dead- Irken - Skoodge and Defect  Zim had dragged aboard had been silent.

" _ The Syndicate has a device that can translate our speech into auditory waves. They find this method of communication to be barbaric. It is unsurprising that an Irken does not share in this idea _ ."

"Oh. Is that an insult? Or a compliment?" Xia narrowed her eyes, watching the moonlight white form of the Parasite gazing into her with those convex, red eyes. 

" _ An observation _ ." The Parasite replied through the mouth of its hapless host. The body stiffened and convulsed into a standing position, the prisoner's hands pressing into the glass, the now completely crimson eyes of the unwitting host staring, unblinking at Xia. The purple color of its skin was growing steadily paler. The glass fogged up slightly with the steady but heavy pants from the slack and open mouth of the host. " _ What is it you want from me,  _ _ Irken _ ?"

"I need you to cause a little chaos on the Massive. Don't go overboard or anything, but don't be too subtle either. I want to cause a panic."  She would be to the point, it seemed being the voice of the Parasite took a physical toll on the body of the alien creature she had chosen. Finding another would be a waste of precious time.

" _ Causing a disruption amongst the  _ _ Irkens _ _ seems pointless. I will gain no sustenance from trying to eat your misery. You are too engrained with your own technology _ ." 

"Yes, this is true." Xia replied coolly. "But you will not be captured. You will make an impressive get away on a ship I will provide. You can do whatever you like after that. Go rescue your friend from the Syndicate."

" _ Q is no friend of mine; nor is he a prisoner _ . " There was anger in the Parasite's voice, as the eyes of its  puppeteered host widened even more; the head reeling back, smacking aggressively onto the glass with a sickening  _ THUD _ . Behind it, the Parasite  stood, unmoving , watching with its expression unchanged. " _ You would do well not to lump me together with that traitor. _ "

"So, you and the Syndicate’s alleged witness are  _ not _ on good terms?" Xia raised one antenna curiously. 

" _ That asshole had every opportunity to release me from this living nightmare when he was aboard this vessel with your Syndicate. He left me here to  _ **_ **r̶͚͌͛̓̽̓͠ö̶̺͚́̀͆̅̕t̵̲̬̣͈̞͉͔̔** _ ** _! _ " The voice coming out of the prisoner's mouth became less melodic on that last sentence, it was starting to degrade into something more unnatural. It sounded like many voices screaming together in a unified rage. The sound of it made Xia wince, not from fear, but rather from discomfort as the newer voice was rough on her auditory processes. The body of the prisoner was clawing aggressively at the glass but stopped quite suddenly and straightened out, bowing in respect. " _ My apologies _ ," M's voice was back to normal. " _ He gets me in a bad mood _ ."

"He left his own kind to die in an  Irken cell, I can see why you're upset." Xia was trying very hard to pretend that voice had not caused her physical pain to hear. It seemed M shared a common enemy with her, this would prove useful. She might be able to get information on the Syndicate’s Parasite pet from  M. "Why would he be helping the Syndicate at all? Has he always been a traitor?"

" _ He is injured, weakened. He seeks to play nice with a large-scale government in order to buy his own safety. He is a coward _ ." The head of the prisoner jerked its neck into an almost a  ninety-degree angle. " _ This territory should be **m̶̥̗̽̎̾̐͠i̸̬͛n̶̛̻͕̫̤̟̓̏ê̷̱̮͆̀̈́͝** _ _ and he knows that _ ."

"Territory dispute? I can solve it. This territory belongs to **Irk**." Just because she was willing to release M did not mean she approved of her lurking in the shadows of Irk.

" _ Do not be so vain. I cannot feed on your Irkens even if I wished it. But the other planets you inhabit are a feeding frenzy of misery _ ."

"Then if you help me, you may go to one of them." The fates of the locals would be of little consequence. "Do well on this task and I might be willing to overlook your little  _ vanity _ comment and offer you a position here on the Massive." Xia was annoyed, but she also saw her opportunity. This could be her chance to make her mark on Irk. 

" _ Position? For me _ ?" M's actual body moved for the first time since it had formed, her head tilting to the side just slightly. " _ A Tallest wishes to make an allegiance with a Parasite _ ?"

"You have talents that could prove useful for interrogating non-Irkens." Surely a Tallest as great as Miyuki had seen this potential. She must have simply died before a plan could be enacted. "But we'll see how you do with this, first." She approached the glass. "Do we have a deal? You cause chaos and I give you a ship out of here, and perhaps a position as my chief interrogator."

" _ And what's to stop me from killing you as soon as I'm free _ ?"

"Ugh,” Xia scoffed, annoyed, shaking her head. “My murder will simply get you captured again. My safety ensures a future with the Irken Empire." There was a moment of silence, she could tell M was considering all of the options laid before her. "What do you say, M?"

" _ Very well _ ." The reply was very short, simple. Xia nodded as she very carefully drew her weapon and pressed her hand to the lock of M's cell. The glass dissipated to nothing. The prisoner collapsed in a heap to the floor as a sound of cracking bones and wriggling flesh filled the air. M contorted her form into that of an  Irken . Plain, red eyes, small stature, nondescript features. The tendrils withdrew into the synthetic PAK of skin. On the ground the prisoner convulsed for a moment, before heaving. A reddish, watery type substance splattered onto the floor. The skin had become nearly entirely grey, and while it seemed the prisoner still lived, they were not very responsive. The eyes, no longer red and glowing, had fogged over with some sort of film. Xia stood back as the door to the cell opened. M stopped just shy of crossing the threshold. The head of the  Irken turned a perfect 180 degrees and was staring back at her with a smile before returning to normal and skipping out of the cell.

Xia lowered her weapon, unsure if she had made the right call. It was not her first choice to work with a Parasite. But, as she watched M's  Irken body bouncing passed cells where  prisoners began holding their heads in pain...

There was no going back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope M is creepy enough for everyone!!!!!! We finally get to see a Parasite-at full power- being parasitic!


	45. M

_ Navigator  _ _ Flork _ _ was not having the best of days. Almighty Tallest X was  _ **_ not _ ** _ the easiest to work under, and he had served under Purple.  _ _ Almighty _ _ Tallest X's sole purpose on the Massive seemed to be to argue with the Chief of Agenda and whenever they fought, Almighty Tallest X would be in the worst mood when she made it to the bridge. She would bark out orders, half of which they couldn't obey due to laws put in place by her predecessors, and  _ **_ then _ ** _ she would get mad and just start yelling at anyone who was close by.  _

_ Today, that unlucky soul had been Flork who was just minding his own business tracking the Massive's progress back to Irk when X had stormed in upset about some communication arrays being offline, and sent him out to take a look. He wasn't even a mechanic. He was a Navigator. He didn't really know how to fix the arrays, but he would not argue with his Tallest.  _

_ Instead,  _ _ Flork _ _ would find one of the mechanics and report back only when he was sure everything was safe and back online. He made his way through the maintenance tunnels, the labyrinthine, twisting halls that were home to most of the engineers that were on board the Massive. They were hard to Navigate (even for a Navigator) and so at the entrance, there was always a little call buzzer. Of course, the one at the entrance he had chosen was down. So here he was trying to figure out if he was anywhere close to an actual engineer when he nearly tripped over a smaller  _ _ Irken _ _ bent over on the ground. _

_ "Oi!  _ _ Watch _ _ it will you?" The  _ _ Irken _ _ on the ground called out to him, quite annoyed at having been disturbed. "I'm  _ _ workin _ _ ' here!" She had the accent of a Northern  _ _ Irken _ _ to be sure.  _

_ "My apologies, Engineer Flip." A quick scan of her PAK gave him everything he needed to know. She was an engineer, worked on Irk proper in the Science Labs before being promoted to a Massive Engineer; at three foot nine she was considered a smaller (meaning at four feet, Flork should be able to give an order unquestioned), but her service had excelled her to the top. "But we have a situation." _

_ "It's always a situation with Tallest X, innit?" Flip wiped some of the oil off of her cheek. "I am assuming that's why your here?"  _

_ "You assume correctly." He watched her close the hatch she had been working under, he could see various wires still sticking out. "This seems important, I am sure, but my orders come directly from the top." _

_ "Yeah yeah. " she didn't argue as her PAK legs extended out and gathered her remaining tools. "Just another thing to put on my list if ya know what I mean. Somethin's been scurryin' around in the tunnels chewin' up wires. Prolly some kinda Pryxelec Infestation. X'll have our heads on a platter if she sees it."  _

_ "So she has you all running rampant too?" It was almost relieving to realize that it wasn't just the Navigators under fire.  _

_ "You bet! She's got everything movin' like a well oiled machine though. Can't even be mad. Haven't seen the Massive this efficient since Purple took that week of sick leave and we only had Red." She had finally collected the rest of her equipment as she turned back to face Flork. "Whatchya got for me?"  _

_ "Array on the outer armor of the ship is offline. Tallest X says  _ _ it's _ _ one of our communication lines." _

_ "Really?" She blinked tilting her head to the side, antennae perking up slightly. She looked at the gauntlet on her wrist and pressed a button on the side that drew up a very detailed hologram of the massive with an over-lay display of all the wiring. There was a small, blinking section right where Tallest X had been pointing on her own version of the map up top. "Wouldya look at that... it is offline. First I'm hearing of it."  _

_ "Think you can fix it?"  _

_ "Well Phooch is s'posed to be on exterior maintenance today. Not me. I'll ping him in." The map vanished as she began pressing more buttons on the gauntlet. It was now Flork's turn to blink, confused.  _

_ "Ping?" Maintenance Irkens had their own lingo, that he knew. But this one was harder to understand as there weren't too many Northern Irkens in the Navigators.  _

_ "PAK Inter-Network Gateway. Ya know: PING." She specified. He nodded. _

_ "Right, call him through his PAK."  _ _ Now _ _ he just felt silly. She was quiet for a moment before looking annoyed.  _

_ "He's ignoring me! Rodammit he's always slacking off but he's tall so we just ignore it." She took a deep, frustrated breath in. "Guess I'm fixin' it." She looked back to Flork. "You know your way back out?" _

_ "I can pull up a map,  _ _ but _ _ I'm not planning to go back until this is solved. I am not going to be the one to face Tallest X again." _

_ "Fair ' _ _ nuff _ _. I'll come  _ _ getchya _ _ when I'm done. Till then I'll give  _ _ ya _ _ a ping so we can chat." She grinned at him before scurrying off through the hall. He sat down by the  _ _ half-repaired _ _ panel in the narrow, metallic halls of the  _ _ Massive's _ _ underbelly. It always seemed to be devoid of life, though he knew that these tunnels were actually teaming with mechanics. There was a buzzing sensation from his PAK that alerted him of someone trying to directly communicate through the Collective. This was the most direct way to talk to other  _ _ Irkens _ _ and could cover far more distance than even regular communicators. It was the closest thing  _ _ Irkens _ _ had to telepathy.  _

_ " _ **_ I am heading outside the Massive now, I'll let you know it looks like none of the routine maintenance has been done. But  _ ** **_ Phooch's _ ** **_ Mothra-damned suit is gone so that little fuck must be work-dodgin' again! _ ** _ " He could hear Flip loud and clear in his own PAK. _

_ " _ **_ Maybe that's why the array went offline: lack of maintenance _ ** _." he suggested, not really knowing if that were the case or not. He didn't know much about mechanics. He was a pilot on a ship that only went straight. _

_ " _ **_ Maybe, but I doubt it. _ ** _ " She sounded unconvinced. Then she was quiet again as Flork imagined she was more focused on her work.  _

_ " _ **_ Well the sooner we get this done, the better. I don't want to go back to Almighty Tallest X empty handed _ ** _." She was terrifying, which wasn't necessarily a bad trait for a Tallest, but it certainly made her harder to talk to when things went awry.  _

_ " _ **_ Makes me wish for Tallest V's safe return even more. I think she's  _ ** **_ jus _ ** **_ ' upset he got abducted  _ ** **_ by _ ** **_ the Syndicate. Bunch o' paperwork  _ ** **_ lovin _ ** **_ ' bastards from what I hear. _ ** _ " _

_ " _ **_ Murderous too. _ ** _ " He didn't necessarily mind all the small talk. It made the halls feel a little less isolated. " _ **_ But I trust Tallest X will make them pay dearly for what they have done to Irk. _ ** _ " _

_ " _ **_ Good on her. _ ** _ " Silence fell again before Flip let out an angry cry. " _ **_ Oi! The array isn't just offline! It's fuckin' destroyed! Did you Navigators hit somethin' again!? _ ** _ "  _

_ " _ **_ What!? No! Of course not! _ ** _ "  _ _ Flork _ _ replied defensively. He would remember if they had collided with anything large enough to damage the ship. " _ **_ And even if we  _ ** **_ did, _ ** **_ we can't do much navigating until Tallest X abolishes the 'always go straight' rule. _ ** _ " _

_ " _ **_ Nah you hit something for sure. _ ** _ " Flip retorted. " _ **_ This thing’s obliterated! _ ** _ "  _

_ " _ **_ No. We didn't _ ** _." He insisted. " _ **_ Maybe it just collapsed from neglect from your taller. _ ** _ "  _

_ " _ **_ This isn’t 'neglect' damage this is 'taking a direct hit from a blunt-force object kind o' damage. It's all scratched up around the array too. What did you guys crash into, eh? _ ** _ " _

_ " _ **_ I keep telling you there was no crash _ ** _!" He didn't want word getting to Tallest X that this was somehow the fault of the Navigators. The sound of footsteps brought his attention to a taller  _ _ Irken _ _ in the same uniform as Flip, crossing his path just a few feet away. " _ **_ I think I found your boss. _ ** _ " He felt a bit of relief. "Hey  _ _ Phooch _ _!" The taller turned to look at him when he heard his name, antennae perking up. _

_ " _ **_ You found him, huh? Tell him to move his fucking ass to the array and give me a hand. _ ** _ "  _

_ "Flip is out fixing an array for Tallest X, she needs your help."  _ _ Phooch _ _ nodded, turning to head out. "She's really upset about you shirking on your duties, so be prepared."  _ _ Flork _ _ gave an awkward laugh.  _ _ Phooch _ _ smiled, shaking his head. "And for your information, we did not hit anything.  _ _ So, _ _ don't listen to Flip if she tells you we did."  _ _ Phooch _ _ nodded and turned back to head out. _

_ " _ **_ Is he comin' _ ** _?" _

_ " _ **_ Yeah he's leaving now. _ ** _ " _

_ " _ **_ I'll patch him into our channel so you can hear  _ ** **_ from him _ ** **_ exactly how you hit  _ ** **_ somethin _ ** **_ '. _ ** _ "  _

_ " _ **_ I keep telling you we didn't hit- _ ** _ " Flork was cut off by the friendly beep alerting him to another  _ _ Irken _ _ joining their secure connection. " _ **_ Welcome Engineer  _ ** **_ Phooch _ ** **_. _ ** _ " He greeted the taller appropriately but was instantly met with a soft but very clear sound of static.  _

_ " _ **_ Oi  _ ** **_ Phooch _ ** **__ ** **_ what'dya _ ** **__ ** **_ do _ ** **_ to your PAK? _ ** _ " Flip confirmed that  _ _ Flork _ _ was not the only one suddenly experiencing connection issues with  _ _ Phooch _ _. " _ **_ You don't sound right, maybe you should talk to a PAK-Technician. I can handle these repairs. Just send Rix out to give me a hand _ ** _."  _

_ " _ **_ Yeah _ ** **_ I think something's wrong.. _ ** _."  _ _ Flork _ _ saw that  _ _ Phooch _ _ had stopped moving. He was now standing perfectly still, facing away from him. " _ _ Phooch _ _?" He switched back to his regular speech. "Are you having some sort of error?" He carefully stepped forward.  _ _ Phooch _ _ didn't move, no twitch of his antennae- nothing. He stood there as if frozen. For a moment,  _ _ Flork _ _ started to feel uneasy. He tried to look past  _ _ Phooch _ _ in the hall, to see what might have caused him to seize up. _

_ He didn't see anything unusual.  _

_ " _ **_ Flork _ ** **_?  _ ** **_ Everythin _ ** **_ ' okay with  _ ** **_ Phooch _ ** **_? _ ** _ " Flip had  _ _ gone _ _ from sounding angry to genuinely concerned. " _ **_ I'm not getting anything from him, even in the Collective. It's like he's totally offline... _ ** _ "  _

_ " _ **_ He's right here, but he's just kind of... standing... _ ** _ "  _ _ Flork _ _ trailed off. " _ **_ I think I am going to head back out and get a PAK-technician _ ** _."  _

_ " _ **_ Good idea. _ ** _ " Flip now sounded genuinely concerned. Something wasn't sitting right with  _ _ Flork _ _. He could feel his cardiac- _ _ spooch _ _ pounding in his thoracic cavity with an elevated rhythm. His own PAK whirred softly trying to return him to his calmer state. He started to back away from  _ _ Phooch _ _ , feeling along the wall behind him to try and navigate. He tripped over the unfinished panel Flip had been fixing before she left. He looked down for just a moment as he caught himself and when he looked back up,  _ _ Phooch _ _ was staring at him. Except,  _ _ Phooch's _ _ body was still facing forward. His head was turned completely around, locking eyes with  _ _ Flork _ _.  _

_ " _ **_ Flip, something is very wrong, _ ** _ "  _ _ Phooch's _ _ mouth began to stretch into a smile, so wide it started severing his face in two. The top of the head flopped backward as the tongue turned into a slender tentacle.  _ _ Flork's _ _ PAK legs extended. " _ **_ I need to get out of here I- _ ** _ " he cut off.  _ _ Phooch _ _ was gone. Looking up he saw seven red eyes above him. _

"And that's the end of the feed Engineer Flip was able to provide." Xia frowned as she looked over the footage again. The twisted form of an  Irken staring, frozen,  back at her. She looked back over at Sym who had brought her the tape. 

"This is an emergency. We should take it to the Control Brains." Xia had expected... not... this from M. She wasn't sure what she had wanted M to do exactly, but she knew it wasn't this. "It's clear the Parasite has escaped."

"Shouldn't we evacuate?" This. This right here was why she didn't like Sym. The only thing that could make her worse is if she did- "Rule 158 Omega Subsection 28 b suggests in cases of a Parasite we should evacuate and contain." That. Xia wanted very much to go through Ven's report on Sym, but this had come up first.

"That protocol sounds outdated. Plus, they're shape-shifters. How would we know we're not evacuating  _ it _ with us?"

"Have all  Irkens communicate only via PAK, constantly scan for organic life. The Parasites are rare but not unknown to us, we  cannot be affected by their telepathic abilities." 

"We aren't running from a former prisoner like we're a bunch of cowards, Sym." Xia drummed her fingers on the table. "An evacuation of the Massive would make  _ me _ look incompetent. You don't want  _ me  _ to look incompetent, do you?"

"This ship is old, with all due respect, My Tallest. I can easily spin this as us tossing it aside to represent our future. I can make you look like a  forward-thinking innovator." It was true, Sym had a great deal of sway with the  Irken media, Xia had seen it all in action before. 

"No evacuation. It's unnecessary. A Parasite can't even feed on Irkens. These attacks, tragic as they are, are probably just a pathetic attempt to escape by a dying creature."

"I don't think so." Sym contradicted her yet again. "This sort of behavior is incredibly unnatural for the Parasite. That's why I'm concerned." Her brown eyes scanned the footage, worry evident in her thin features. "Logic dictates it should try to escape with minimal damages, sliding beneath our notice. This...  _ horror show _ isn't at all in line with our research."

"Oh, so on top of being our legal expert, you are  _ also _ our leading authority on Parasites? Is that it, Sym?"

"What, no." Sym seemed taken aback by Xia's caustic tone. 

"Well then perhaps," Xia stood, slowly. She stretched herself out as tall as she could, "you better step the fuck back then, hm? No evacuation. Your Tallest has spoken. We are Irken, not Vort. We will deal with this by fighting. Jon," she gestured to her Rising Tallest and snapped her fingers together, making him stand up perfectly straight.

"Yes, My Tallest!?"

"You're with me." 

" Of course, My Tallest." 

"Jon?" Sym  blinked, " isn't your name V-"

"Sym, I want every security detail you have scouring our ship for anything abnormal."

"Y... yes, My Tallest." Sym looked very much as if she wanted to say something to Xia, but smartly kept her mouth shut. It seemed she valued her life after all. Xia wasn't in the best of moods at the moment and having Sym on her back like a defective PAK was making everything worse. 

The plan hadn't been thoroughly discussed with M, but perhaps, it should have been; as it seemed the Parasite was taking things to quite an extreme. Xia would definitely have some notes when they crossed paths again. Things were bad enough for Sym to go crying for an evacuation, surely this would be considered dire enough for the Control Brains. "Listen, Ben," Xia finally spoke again. "In times like these a Tallest must make difficult choices. However, we are never truly alone. The Control Brains are there for us to bounce our brilliant ideas off of. They listen and give only _ logical _ feedback. They are our greatest asset."

"Oh, okay. I would have thought it was Irken ingenuity and drive- but Control Brains is way better." He nodded obediently. 

"We it's all of that too." Xia waved it off. "But there is just so much great about the  Irkens that if I listed everything, we would be here all day. Is that what you want? Me to waste my time making lists to appease you while our Massive is under attack?" She asked, smiling sweetly. 

"No, Almighty Tallest X, I do not want that at all." The young Elite looked truly sorry for his interruption. Good. 

"Very well. I want you to stand guard as I communicate these issues with the Control Brain on the Massive. Don't let anyone near me. They could be a Parasite in disguise." 

"I will do as you command!" He pulled a small tube off of his belt and it extended into an electrified staff as he took a battle stance.

"That's the spirit." Xia appreciated both his enthusiasm and his blind obedience. This could have been Vero if he had not been such an obstinate fool. Maybe she could call this Rising Tallest: Good-Vero. No. That wouldn't work because she was supposed to still be sad about the kidnapping of her Tube-Mate. (She had seen the footage of the prison break. Somehow her asshole co-ruler had ended up in the spa of all places, which everyone knew was so  colossally in the wrong direction that she was embarrassed for him.) She walked through the sliding metal door into the room where the Control Brain was waiting. 

" ** Hello, Almighty Tallest X. ** " The emotionless voice sounded almost pleasant this time. " ** What brings you here? ** "

"You already know, don't you?" He lifted an antenna, eyes narrowed.

" ** I have scanned your PAK for recent  ** ** memory, that ** ** is correct. You wish to initiate the Emergency Protocol ** ."

"This is correct. A Parasite has escaped onto the Massive, Irkens are going missing, etcetera, etcetera. So clearly it is time to authorize Alpha-Theta-09." She placed both hands on her waist triumphantly. 

" ** If that is the case, then you must get Sym to authorize it ** ." 

" Excuse me?" Xia lost a bit of her luster. "Why? I am the Tallest. I should be able to authorize it myself."

" ** Affirmative. However, continued refusal from Sym would oust her as a traitor, would it not? Has this not been your concern? ** " The lights pulsed so smoothly. The dimming and brightening almost relaxing in a sense when compounded with that monotone voice. Xia hesitated. She recalled the footage, the fear in that Navigator's voice.

"It has,  but M is doing real damage. Is it worth risking  Irken lives to put a stop to Sym?" 

" ** Having a traitor that is not going to put the Tallest first, could be a bigger threat to the  ** ** Irken ** ** people than a simple rogue Parasite. You were quick to deal with Almighty Tallest V; why do you hesitate now? ** "

"With Vero, there was proof." Xia had caught him in cahoots with those who were better off dead. Sym was a pain, but Xia lacked true evidence. 

" ** And with Sym this will be your proof. ** " The Control Brain insisted. " ** After all, it is not truly you, putting  ** ** Irken ** ** lives at stake- but rather Sym herself. If she had just been cooperative, you would never have needed her to prove her loyalty ** ." Xia was deep in thought.

"No, you're right." If Sym had just not been a pain then Xia wouldn't have needed to unleash M at all. This could all have been handled with dignity and they would be halfway to decimating the Syndicate by now. 

" ** If she is truly an ally to Irk, then she will activate Alpha-Theta-09 ** ."

" _ She _ thinks we should evacuate." Xia almost spat the words.

" ** That seems like a coward's way out. What sort of message would it send to the Syndicate if we evacuated our war ship over one alien escapee? ** "

"Exactly! Irkens are not weak! We need to stand strong now, more than ever!" The Control Brain clearly understood her perspective. And why wouldn't it? It was a being only capable of logical thought. It was bound to know she was right. "You know what? No. We are going to have Sym prove herself. If more Irkens get hurt then she will have to live with those consequences. She should have been a better Chief of Agenda." 

" ** Good. Once the order is in place, you can initiate Alpha-Epsilon-01. It will take care of your Parasite problem ** ."

"And we can't do that right now... because...?"

" ** Technically it can be done now. But it will not prove your suspicions about Sym. ** "

"Then no, it can't be done now." Xia turned on her heel. "Thank you, Control Brain." 

" ** I live only to serve, my Tallest. ** " Its voice echoed behind her as she opened the door to see her Rising Tallest had barely moved a muscle. He blinked, seeing her come out and jumped to attention. Standing with him, was none other than Sym.

"She has been trying to get in, Almighty Tallest X but I haven't let her through!" He saluted with pride.

"Good smeet, Pen." 

"His name is Ven, I believe." Sym had her eyes narrowed, she was standing tall, looking almost  judgmental of her superior- which was almost proof of treachery in and of itself. However, Xia was willing to give Sym the benefit of the doubt as Sym's default, resting expression just looked overall bitchy.

"What do you want?" Xia's own crimson eyes narrowed with disdain. 

"Complaints from the kitchens, My Tallest. Employee-of-the-Month-Chef Dan has come to us with concerns of unusual behavior from his fellow cooks." 

"We will need to investigate that, I suppose." Xia sighed. "And how do I change the Employee of the Month? Dan has had that title for way more than one month. I mean I've been Tallest for way longer than that. "

"There is a whole system to it, My Tallest." Sym waved the concern away. "But that hardly seems pressing at the moment. We are losing  Irkens at an alarming rate. I would, again, like to offer the idea of an evacuation."

"Oh Sym, Congratulations." Xia laughed, putting a hand on the Chief of Agenda's shoulder.

"E-excuse me, My Tallest?" 

"Well, by the way you are talking to me right now I just assumed you got promoted to my Second Tallest."

"I-well... no... it's just-"

"Are you a General then, Sym? Because all of this sounds like stuff a  _ General _ should deal with." 

"Your Generals were thrown into Space by Almighty Tallest  V; however, our communications indicate they have safely returned to Irk." That made sense they weren't all that far when Vero had had his weird little mental breakdown of treachery. "I would offer you to communicate with them, but as you know our main communications are offline. This is probably because of the Parasite." 

"Ah yes, right. I forget that you know this because you are a Parasite expert." Xia tapped her finger against the side of her head. 

"You are upset with me."

"Sym, activate Alpha-Theta-09."

"Shouldn't we see what the chef Irkens are complaining about?" Sym was visibly hesitant. 

"So, you're willing to go ahead with an evacuation, but activating a protocol I specifically instruct you to activate is too much?" Xia folded her arms. "Time is  valuable, Sym , evacuating takes time.  Irken lives are lost if we delay. Those lives would be on your hands."

"We could do it quickly and safely if we-" 

"Flyn, what do you think?"

"Huh? Oh." The Rising Tallest was watching the two tall Irkens bicker, his head following each in turn as they spoke. It looked like the constant back-and-forth was about to give him whiplash. "That's me. Okay." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I think we should probably check on the chef's either way, right? I mean, no matter what course of action we decide to take we know something is amiss there..." he looked to Xia for her approval. "I... was that right?"

"Technically the correct answer would have just been to say: 'whatever you think, Almighty Tallest X', however since it was my suggestion to check on those bumbling smallers, I'll accept it." She snapped her fingers together, striding forward with purpose. "Come along now, both of you."

"Yes, my Tallest." Both replied in unison, heads bowed. It was evident that Xia's words had the intended effect on Sym. She was much quieter as they made their way to the kitchen. The kitchen was a large room only, mostly silvery in color with large ovens, lots of various tools, and a central drain in the middle of the room. There were only about four chefs at the moment which didn't seem like enough. She also noticed an absence of Employee-of-the-Month-Chef Dan. She watched as the  Irkens scurried about doing their part to prepare a great feast. As a Taller, Xia had a very high metabolism. She required more food than most other  Irkens (and  Irkens , in general, did tend to eat a lot of high calorie food as the PAK took a great deal of energy). Xia knew there had to be more than four Chef  Irkens on duty at one time; it was just logic. 

"Where is Employee-of-the-Month-Chef Dan?" Her voice echoed through the kitchen making her realize just how unnaturally empty it felt- especially when compared to her last visit. It felt a little... barren? One of the chef's turned to look at her and pointed to a cabinet. Xia walked over, opening the door and seeing Dan tumble out looking a great deal paler than she remembered. 

"My Tallest!" He spoke, alleviating some of her immediate concern. "Thank  Mothra you've arrived!” 

"See Sym?  _ This _ is how you should act when I enter a room." Xia gestured to Dan in demonstration. "Now what seems to be the problem."

"This!!" Dan gestured all around himself. This isn’t right! Nothing here is right!" He was visibly shaking, even the mood stabilizers in his PAK seemed unable to help calm him. 

"You'll need to be more specific..." Xia trailed off. She watched the chef  Irkens . They were moving around, pretty much ignoring Dan (who quickly scurried away), but something was... off. She scanned each one trying to get their names from their PAKs but the signal was almost non-existent- as if the PAKs were powering off. That was when she noticed how perfectly in synch the four  Irkens moved. "Everyone, stand back." Xia readied her gauntlets. "Jim, grab my battle ax from the display in the hall. We have a Parasite problem." All at once, the four  Irkens turned, moving their heads in perfect unison to stare at her. The Rising Tallest immediately followed her orders, running toward the exit. Sym pulled out an energy pistol, pointing it at one of the make-shift  Irkens . The  smallers began to twitch as Sym fired. The head of one, splitting open to circumvent the shot. As the skull re-fused, the two red eyes of the  Irken merged into one. The other three  Irken bodies began to be drawn in toward the one-eyed  Irken . Strands of flesh connected between the four bodies, pulling them together, the color practically draining from the abomination with every move. The only features that remained as  Irken faces melted together, were the eyes. Seven of them. Soon the colorless mass of eyes and skin began shaping itself into the form of M. Sym used her free hand to pull a small cylinder from her belt. Pressing a single button caused a glowing, blue scimitar blade to appear. She fired at M again who split herself in two and lurched forward with her tendrils. Sym sliced at the tendrils, using her PAK legs to jump back. Xia fired her gauntlets at M who dodged with ease. One of the tendrils got around Xia's gauntlet, crushing it. She was able to draw her hand back quickly.

"My Tallest!" Sym sounded legitimately concerned. Xia's own PAK legs were out as she used her still-in-tact gauntlet to fire at the tendril that had struck her. 

"Can we authorize that protocol NOW, Sym?" Xia gave her underling a dirty look. "Or should I actually get my arm ripped off next time?"

"Perhaps between us we can contain it." Sym rushed forward, launching herself with the legs of her PAK, firing the gun before spinning with the blade to get a good slice on M who recoiled looking a tad offended. Sym sliced again but this time M withdrew into herself before springing forward, crashing into Sym. Sym desperately slashed at the tendrils of flesh trying to bury themselves into her body. Xia fired at M. She had to be careful where she aimed, M was so fluid in her dodging that should Xia miss, she would certainly hit Sym. Sure enough, M's body parted the shot found a mark in Sym's shoulder. M made a motion as if laughing as Xia fired again. Seeing M's distraction, Sym wedged her energy blade into M's core. Again, the Parasite looked taken aback, withdrawing off of the wounded Chief of Agenda. The seven-eyed monstrosity collapsed back, splattering like a liquid on the ground and vanishing.

"She's pretending to be the fucking floor! If she goes through that  drain, we'll never be able to catch up with her!" Xia fired at the ground and a part she hit recoiled in pain, turning temporarily back to white. "Can we use the protocol  _ now _ !?" Sym was firing at the ground as well. Xia could see M moving- it looked as if the metal floor was rippling. 

"It’s just... I have concerns, My Tallest! This whole situation with you and Almighty Tallest V- even Red and Purple-" she hit M who very quickly slid over that central drain, practically dripping through the grate to her escape. "It... reminds me of Tallest Miyuki..."

"I... what?"

"She got away." Sym ran to the grate on her PAK legs before dropping to the floor to examine the escape route. 

"What the fuck was that stuff you were saying about Tallest Miyuki?" Xia had expected the escape. She had not expected Sym's reaction. 

"Before her death there was a similar set of circumstances... Irkens disappearing, erratic behavior from others, she would constantly talk about these... protocols. But... not like you do. She was very against them."

"So, you risk  Irken lives because you still hold a dead Tallest in such high regards that you think of her wishes before those of your current, living Tallest?" Was  _ this _ Sym's hang up?  Yes, Tallest Miyuki was beloved but she was also dead. Xia was beloved too, and she was alive. Sym's choice should be very much apparent and the fact that it wasn't, was concerning.

"That's not it at all... I am just concerned, my Tallest."

"I am too, Sym. Concerned that you let a Parasite escape because of your loyalty to Miyuki."

"Why do you want to fight this so badly!? Why not evacuate?!" This was the most emotional Xia had ever seen Sym. She looked genuinely scared. Perhaps the purging of the Parasite's toxins from her body was causing her to be a little  freer with her feelings. Sym had taken quite the blow, her PAK was clearly doing its best to cure her of every wound.

"The Syndicate are traitors who must be eliminated."

"But they-" the ship suddenly lurched before coming to a stop all together. The lights began to flicker. 

"Fuck! She got in the power core." Xia couldn’t believe the damage M was able to cause by herself on a ship of top-of-the-line Irkens. Sym and Xia's PAKs quickly put helmets over their heads as the life support systems on the Massive began powering down. Xia's PAK legs dug into the metal floor, anchoring her down against the sudden loss of gravity.

"We can't even evacuate now..." Sym was anchored down as well. She looked to  Xia; her expression was... sad. Defeated...

Or maybe that was just the reflection in the glass of her helmet.

Sym pulled out her little reader, typing on the screen. "Request authorization for Alpha-Theta-09, my Tallest."  She held the screen forward. Xia pressed her hand to the button and it gave a happy little green light before vanishing. 

"Now," Xia handed the screen back. "Time for Alpha-Epsilon-01." Sym looked very much like she wanted to protest but simply typed on her screen and offered it back. Xia pressed the button and all at once the back-up power surged to life, filling with the same, dim red lights as the Control Brain's Room. Xia went to hand the reader back to Sym, but she didn't take it. Xia looked over. Sym was staring, vacantly forward, unblinking.

"Sym?"

" ** You have done well, Almighty Tallest X ** ." Sym was talking but the tone and inflection of her voice was almost robotic. 

"C... Control Brain...? It that... you?" Xia felt instantly very cold. But perhaps that could be blamed on the slowly restoring power. 

" ** Indeed. We are working to repair M's damages as we speak. ** " Sym's body stood up, PAK legs clambering  across the floor as the gravity had not fully returned. 

"I see." Xia followed the Control Brain through the halls.

" ** This was a great first step, Almighty Tallest X ** ."

"First Step?" Xia didn't particularly like the way that sounded.

" ** Of course. Those aboard the Massive are now a part of something much greater ** ." Sym stopped walking but was instantly replaced by a security  Irken who had been standing off to the side. The security  Irken continued still in the Control Brain's even tone, despite using their own voice. " ** But the limit of Alpha-Epsilon-01 is the Massive. This needs to be  ** ** Irken ** ** wide to succeed. And you will do that. ** " Xia reached the main deck, at once all the Navigators were staring at her with the same, glassy expression. " ** And it is you who will bring that glory to Irk proper. ** " All the Navigators spoke at once in that same tone.

"Me?"

" ** Of course ** ," the many voices of the Control Brain continued from the Navigators’  mouths . They were still all seamlessly doing their jobs. However, they never once stopped staring at her. " ** Alpha-Theta-09 authorized you to activate the war protocol. That, once activated on Irk proper, will begin the mandatory re-coding that will allow all  ** ** Irkens ** ** to reach their fullest potential ** ."

"This is... only temporary... right?" 

" ** Of course, Almighty Tallest X. ** " 

The door burst open and the Rising Tallest ran in with M close at his heels. Xia blinked.

"I found your ax!" He was clutching the weapon for dear life as M seemed to be toying with him, lashing out at his feet causing him to trip. He might  have fallen on the ax if his PAK had not been so quick to catch him.

"You can cool it, M." Xia glared at the Parasite who shrugged and sat back on one of the many snack tables stationed around the main hall.

"Woah!" The Rising Tallest's eyes widened. "A Parasite listens to you!? You are  _ that _ commanding!?"

"Of course, I burst in and showed my skill and M was so threatened that she actually switched sides and works for us now." Xia replied, as-a-matter-a- factly . M made a motion as if rolling all seven of her eyes, but Xia let it slide as she was fairly certain the Rising Tallest had not noticed. (And  also, M had done enough damage to the ship today, Xia didn't feel much like chasing her down.)

"Amazing!" He seemed thoroughly convinced. 

"Hey wait..." she looked at the Navigator-Control-Brain as realization hit. "Why isn't he part of you?"

" ** He was not yet connected to the  ** ** Massive's ** ** server in the Collective. It seems as if Sym had it on her to-do list but never quite finished the task. ** "

"Wow!" The Elite watched the Control Brain talk through the mouths of everyone in the room. "That is incredibly unsettling!"

" ** We can switch him over now, if you would like. ** "

"Oh no! No thank you!" The boy took a step back.

" ** The question was not for you. ** " All eyes were instantly on Xia.

"Oh!" Xia looked around her at the many eyes of the Control Brain, then back to her Rising Tallest. He looked... queasy? Almost as if something were making him physically ill. His skin looked paler than she remembered, though that may have just been the emergency lighting. "No, I don't think that will be necessary. He needs to still learn, after all."

" ** Very well. He can be added at a later date ** ." The Control Brain took her response without further questions. Xia looked at her companion. It might not be too terrible to have another  Irken around to witness her amazing revenge. 

"Bob, can you go put the ax back? I no longer need it."

"Right away, My Tallest!" He bounded back out of the hall.

"Now, you." She looked to M who was lying upside down, hair falling away from her pale face as she hung halfway off the table. She blinked. "I suppose you want your ship." M blinked her eyes one at a time.

" ** She cannot speak to you without a proper host and an Irken will not be able to serve as one ** ." The Control Brain spoke pointedly.

"...Right..." Xia sighed, handing over her reader to M who took it and began tracing strange characters along the screen. The language was unrecognized. She blinked and tried again, this time in Vortion. The language instantly switched to Irken as each word was finished.

** WITH **

** ALL **

** DUE **

** RESPECT **

** TALLEST **

** X, **

** THAT **

** WAS **

** FUN. **

** I  **

** THOUGHT **

** WE **

** MIGHT **

** FURTHER  **

** DISCUSS  **

** MY **

** POSITION **

** THAT **

** YOU **

** PROMISED ** .

* * *

So on a scale of 1-10: How badly do you guys think Xia has messed this up? Also pour one out for Flork.


	46. GIR-der He Wrote

Things had been hectic, that was certain. Untrained  Irkens nearly blowing one another’s heads off every two seconds was giving Voel anxiety. Every moment he watched a journalist  Irken and a fast-food Irken try to slap-fight one another, he realized just how outmatched they were going to be. 

However, he was willing to take a break from all of that to give himself a moment to recharge. Sleeping was not required, at all, but after his day- he had earned this nap. Therron took like thirty naps in one day, he could have just one.

At least, he thought he could. 

But no sooner had his eyes closed and his PAK started to enter sleep mode, when he heard a commotion from downstairs. There was crashing, shouting, lots of angry accusations being tossed around. He grabbed a pillow, plopping it over his head, trying to ignore the noise. Soon the chaos had made its way upstairs and Voel found any chance of peace and quiet he had, was shattered by the unmistakable sound of Zim shouting. 

"Voel!" He felt himself being shaken rather aggressively. "Voel get up! This is no time for sleeping!" Voel let out a groan, trying to bury himself further under his pillow. "Voel!!!" He could feel Zim pulling on him trying to get the pillow away. " Skoodge ! Help me with Voel!" Another set of  Irken claws dug into the pillow and between the two Smallers, they were able to yank it off. 

"For the love of Mothra," Voel grumbled, still lying face down on the floor where he had been trying to rest, "what do you want, Zim!?" 

"GIR is missing!" Zim's antennae twitched nervously. "He isn't in the base and I don't know where he is!"

"Okay? So ask CB." Surely, Skoodge had already thought of this. 

"He doesn't know either! Someone must have GIR-napped him!"

"I highly doubt that." No one that Voel knew would willingly spend time with GIR.

"So, Voel, if that is your real name," Zim's eyes narrowed as he suddenly changed his stance to one of aggression. "Where were you during the last  forty-eight Earth hours!?" A clawed hand poked Voel in the back of his head as he finally sat up.

"I was with you, Zim. You should know this." Zim's eyes narrowed as he looked Voel up and down. 

"Yes, yes. Zim remembers this. Very well. Voel's alibi checks out. But SKOODGE!" He whirled around, jabbing a clawed finger into  Skoodge's chest.

"I was also with you." The plump Irken didn't bat an eye. 

"Ah. Hm. Yes. That checks out too." Zim frowned putting a hand under his chin, looking thoughtful. "Very well: Voel and Skoodge you are both off the hook for the GIR-napping. You are now drafted to be part of the investigation!"

"Hey now!" Voel was finally, fully awake. "When did you start giving orders!?"

"My house." Zim replied simply.

"I- well..." that was a fair point. "Look, Zim, GIR goes missing all the time, doesn't he?"

"Not like this!" Zim looked indignant. " _ And _ I found robot parts on the living room floor! This may be more than just a GIR-napping! It might be a..." he paused, " GIRder ." 

"No one killed your SIR. They're nearly indestructible, remember?" Voel lifted an antenna, skeptically. 

"I know, Voel, no one would ever dream of hurting poor, innocent GIR and incurring the wrath of ZIM! But the evidence is there."

"Innocent... GIR...?” Voel repeated dumbly. He looked over at Skoodge who shrugged.

"He's been at this all morning. I think it's just something to do." Skoodge didn't sound concerned. 

"You have plenty to do. You both have an army to help train." Voel reminded them both of this, as it seemed Zim had once again lost focus.

"I need GIR for that."

"Do you though?"

"Of course! If GIR isn't there, then who will the trainees chase around? It cannot be Zim! Zim is far too powerful and sneaky!" Zim spoke with such authority that Voel was almost inclined to believe him. "It will make the trainees feel bad about themselves. It would be horrible for moral!" 

"Fine." Voel got to his feet. "Let's figure out what happened to GIR."

" First, we need a motive: who would want something to happen to my SIR!?" Zim paced the room, deep in thought.

"Everyone." Skoodge replied without missing a beat.

"Yeah literally everyone." Voel and Therron had made GIR, but the ex-Tallest had really grown to regret it in the passing days. Now that he was trapped in a house with the mad robot, he had a new admiration for Zim. It was a wonder the former Invader wasn't more insane by now.

"We should get started then. Our first suspect is CB! CB!!!" Zim shouted angrily at his ceiling.

"I thought you already questioned CB." That would have been Voel's first choice as far as a suspect.

"I questioned him only about GIR's whereabouts. Not about his own." Zim tapped his foot looking back up at the ceiling. "CB! Obey your master! Come down here at once!" The hologram shimmered into view, sitting in one of the nearby chairs. 

" ** What is it you need? ** " The hologram of the AI tilted its head to the side. Zim cleared his throat, hands behind his back.

"CB, dim the lighting, please." The lights in the room instantly began to dim. "Now turn on a central spotlight over your chair." A bright light washed over the chair causing the image of the hologram to become less distinct. "Thank you, CB." Zim straightened up, before lunging full speed at the chair. "WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF THE TWELFTH!?"

" ** Of which month? ** " Zim was now standing inside the hologram, having not accomplished much with his assault. 

"Glorfog." Zim replied promptly.

" ** I have not been alive on a twelfth of Glorfog given as how it is still two weeks in our future ** ."

"A likely story." Zim's eyes narrowed. Skoodge stepped in.

"Where were you last night?" 

" ** Everywhere. I am an AI ** ."

"He's got us there." Voel was more amused by the situation than anything else.

"Look, CB, I know we asked you earlier if you knew where GIR was, and you said no. However, being as strong as you are that seems hard to believe." Skoodge was not to be deterred. "We know you can track GIR."

" ** Typically, I can. However, recently, he covered a live squirrel in nacho cheese and placed it in his chest cavity. The subsequent damages were that it knocked around a lot of the wiring and all of the sensors I use to track him are offline ** ." 

"A likely story!" Zim tried poking the hologram in the chest and only succeeded in poking the chair.

"I mean yeah. It kind of is." Skoodge shrugged. 

"You're supposed to be keeping an eye on your older brother, CB! But  instead you were  jealous !" Zim had an 'Ah-ha!' Kind of tone that Voel felt was a little undeserved. " So you  GIRdered him!"

"Wait are the robots your smeets or your minions?" Voel had never been quite clear on the relationship between Zim and his artificial companions. 

"Both. On Earth: children are synonymous with minions."

"I feel like that's not true..." Voel squinted at him skeptically. 

" Oh and you would know that Voel? Your, what, ten months on Earth has made you an expert? Over Zim!? Who has lived on this planet since it was a new fledging rock of molten lava!?"

"That... that is also not true." Voel pointed out. Skoodge patted Voel on the arm, shaking his head. 

"Just let him rant. Thirty percent of it is just stuff he makes up, but arguing wastes time."

" ** So can I go..? ** " 

"You are free... for now." Zim hopped off the chair as CB dissipated from view. "If it wasn't CB, then it had to be someone else I the house."

"We could have CB check security footage." Voel suggested, still wanting to get back to his nap.

" ** Some of the cameras have been offline since GIR's squirrel escaped and ran amok. I am still working on repairs. ** "

"Right." Voel sighed.

"Who all is in the house?" Zim paced back and forth.

"There is Tenn, Tak visits a lot, then there is Zeke, Vero, and Therron." Voel listed them out as best as he could.

"That is a lot of  Irkens . A lot of  _ suspects _ ...." Zim looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Where should we start?" Skoodge seemed content enough to play along with this wild chase. 

" Well, if we want to find out what happened and CB is a bust, Zeke seems to be the best option. He's so small and insignificant that it's doubtful even GIR would notice him." Voel looked down to see  Skoodge glaring up at him. "What? That's not an insult. It's an observation."

"CB!" Zim cut them off. "WHERE IS ZEKE!"

" ** I can hear you father. There is no need for yelling ** ."

"WHO IS YELLING!? ZIM IS NOT YELLING!?"

" ** Zeke is currently on the ground level in the kitchen. ** " 

"Right! Away we go!" Zim gestured for Voel and  Skoodge to follow as he bounded out of the door and down the hall. Voel could have stayed back, at this point. Zim was so involved in what he was doing, Voel doubted he would care if the ex-Tallest actually came along. Though, now, Voel was actually kind of curious as to how all of this was going to play out.

"CB, if your cameras are offline, how do you know where Zeke is?" Voel questioned, as he followed Zim.

" ** Not all cameras are offline, first of all. ** " The indignant voice came from all around. " ** Secondly, I did not use cameras. I traced his PAK ** ."

"Ah HA!" Zim cut off Voel's train of thought once more as he skidded into the kitchen where Zeke was avidly typing while listening to Vero talk. The tiny journalist blinked as the trio burst in. 

"Do you mind, pal? I'm in the middle of an interview with Almighty Tallest V. "

"Don't call him that." Voel cringed, recalling that Vero was indeed, technically a Tallest. 

"Oh hey! Sup Pops?" Vero gave a little wave.

"Where were both of you last night!" Zim used his PAK legs to leap up on the table between them. Vero simply moved the food he was eating out of the way. 

"Pretty much here." Zeke replied flatly. "This has been a long interview. Vero keeps getting distracted." 

"I consider it more of a creative embellishment." Vero countered. Zeke glared at him.

"You went on a two-hour monolog about an Irken in the Elite Academy who stole your lunch." 

"That is important back story for when I have him imprisoned for life." Vero countered.

"Are you sure your second genetic donor isn't Therron?" Zeke lifted one antenna halfway up with a quizzical expression.

"Oh sweet Mothra, no." Voel shut the idea down as quickly as he could. "Vero is kidding. That's his humor."

"It was a joke?" Zeke looked back to Vero.

"Only if I get in trouble."

"Vero!"

"Yeah, it was a joke." Vero laughed. 

"I see..." Zeke looked back down at his reader, deep in thought. "Note: Fact check all statements before publication."

"Rude!" Vero feigned an aghast expression. 

"THIS IS ALL DRIVEL! I NEED TO FIND GIR!" Zim made a move to kick one of Vero's snacks but Vero was faster, moving it away before it was damaged. Zeke sighed. 

"Yelling and accusing people at random won't find your SIR." He remarked pointedly. "Look, I'm an investigative journalist. I can help you break this case." Voel wasn't sure why Zeke would bother helping. For an Irken the size of a large drink, he seemed to have very little respect for the established hierarchy, so he doubted it was Zim's height that convinced him to assist. "Now who is next on your list?"

"I... hmm..." Zim looked thoughtful, pacing a bit on the table as Vero finally just ate the rest of his snacks in one, fell swoop. "Tenn." He remarked with surprising confidence. "She stole a Syndicate gun, why wouldn't she steal my SIR?" 

"I was under the Control Brain's influence when I did that." Everyone jumped as Tenn poked her head out of the ceiling to quickly clear her name. "I don't even remember it to be honest." 

"So then why take GIR?!" Zim demanded, standing aggressively on his PAK legs as he confronted Tenn who was hanging halfway out of the ceiling. 

"I didn't." She replied flatly. 

"You got an alibi then?" Zeke had his little reader up and he was furiously typing away. 

"Of course I do. It's iron clad." 

"Okay, give it to us."

"Give what to you? My irons? No way they're mine!" 

"What?" Zeke blinked. "No your alibi."

"I already did!" Tenn huffed. 

" No, you didn't you just said it was iron clad!"

"No  no . I mean  _ I _ was iron clad." She stressed the word as best as she could. "I used that money card the Dib-human had to buy a bunch of iron chains from the human cyber-market. They all came yesterday so I wrapped myself up in them to see if I could escape from them."

"Right that seems logical." Voel nodded. He had also used Dib's money card to buy things he wanted from Earth. Earth had neat stuff. "Did you get out?"

"It was kind of a struggle. Those things are pretty heavy, but yeah I totally did it. It was impressive." She puffed up, looking remarkably pleased with herself. Zeke nodded, thoughtfully. 

"Can anyone verify your whereabouts?" 

"CB!" She replied quickly. "He was recording my great escape for future generations. At least he was before that weird mammal plowed through the room, leaking orange everywhere. It took out the cameras."

"Ah yes, the cheese covered squirrel." Skoodge didn't seem too surprised by any of this.

" ** I can affirm that Tenn is telling the truth ** ." CB dropped a little screen down from the ceiling and briefly displayed a video clip of Tenn, struggling under the weight of large, burdensome chains. All at once a wild streak of orange and brown came barreling through the room, crashing into everything. The time stamps seemed to align with Tenn’s story. 

"Well then obviously the culprit is Therron." As the video ended, Zim seemed undeterred. Voel shrugged.

" Yeah, that seems incredibly likely, actually. We probably should have started with him."

" Ooo !" Tenn dropped fully from the ceiling. "Can I help interrogate Therron? CB taught me this thing called Good Cop- Bad Cop, and I  wanna be the Good Gop!"

"You," Skoodge looked at her incredulously, "wanna be the  _ good _ cop?"

"What!?" Tenn looked offended. "I am good! Good at shooting." She pulled out a gun from underneath the table and did a little roll before taking aim at nothing. She pretended to fire, making little gun noises under her breath. 

"I think you grievously misunderstand the concept of "good" cop." Skoodge didn't bat an eye. Vero leaned over, peering under the table where Ten had found the gun. 

"There are like five guns taped up under here."

"Those are my emergency guns." Tenn explained, getting to her feet.

"How did I not notice these? I have been at this table for like... a day." Vero sat back up straight. 

"OK. Let's talk to big Purple, eh?" Zeke hopped up. "If anyone is ballsy enough to take down the weird SIR under the roof of the absolutely mad  Irken planning a  large-scale rebellion, it's Therron.

" ** Therron is outside in the back yard. ** " 

"You were pretty forthcoming with that information." Voel mused as they made their way toward the back door.

" ** I will be perfectly  ** ** honest: ** ** I just want to see Tenn shoot Therron ** ."

"That's why I'm coming." Vero chimed in cheerfully. Voel rolled his eyes. Clearly, being Tallest for a few weeks had done nothing in regards to Vero's maturity. 

They found Therron lounging in the back. He had constructed a make-shift hammock using various things around the house ( Zim's human neighbors seemed completely oblivious to this despite both ends of the hammock being connected directly to their buildings) and was currently passed out under a magazine covered in weird pictures of humans. Zim took initiative and knocked Therron right out if his comfortable bed and onto the ground. "Hey!" Therron sat up, magazine still on his head. "What the fuck, Zim!?"

"Where is GIR!?" 

"Who?" Therron blinked.

"GIR! ZIM'S OLDEST AND MOST LOYAL COMPANION!" Therron squinted at Zim thoughtfully.

"...Skoodge?"

"NO! Not Skoodge! GIR is my SIR!" 

"Oh right..." Therron finally seemed to figure out what was going on. "The SIR that Voel and I made out of scraps. I dunno Zim maybe he realized he was made from what I had in my pockets and shouldn't logically be able to function, so he exploded." Zim narrowed his eyes, glaring Therron down.

" That sounds like a CONFESSION!" 

"Well, it isn't one. Now leave me alone. I was napping!"

"TENN!" Zim cleared his throat. "You may shoot him now."

"Hold up!" Voel wasn't sure if Tenn would really do it or not, but Therron healing from a gun wound would be wasted energy at this point. "We still need his alibi, don't we, Zim? It will be harder to get one if he’s healing."

" Yeah, we can threaten him, but an injured source doesn't give the most reliable information." The fact that Zeke seemed to be speaking from experience raised more questions than Voel thought it answered. 

"Fine." Zim huffed a bit, but he backed down. "Where were you last night?" 

"If you MUST know," Therton stood, wiping himself off, indignantly. "I was watching human television!  _ Days of Our CSI Special Victims Unit Lives North Montana Emergency Seven _ , was on last night." 

"Oh shit I love DOOCSISVULNME7." Vero clapped his hands together excitedly. "Did Maria finally realize that Chadwick was actually Rudolfo's twin brother?"

" Yes but it's too late. She's already pregnant." Therron confirmed. 

"What's pregnant?" Vero blinked 

"I dunno, seems to be a human thing." Therron shrugged. "But yeah I was doing that, so I can't have been doing whatever it is you're accusing me of... stealing Zim's socks or whatever. " 

"GIR. You GIRdered him. In cold blood!" Zim huffed. 

"No I didn't. I was watching TV." Therron reminded him. 

"And can anyone verify that?" Zeke raised an antenna, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Hmm..." Therron paused thoughtfully. " Well, there were some humans that stopped by."

"Humans?" Voel frowned. "And you just  _ let  _ them in?"

"What! No! I'm not stupid." Therron huffed.

"And you were wearing your disguise...?"

"I..." Therron trailed off. "...yes...?"

"That's a no." Voel sighed, shaking his head, rubbing the area in between his eyes. "And did you  _ know _ these humans?"

"I mean... how the fuck should I know? They all look kind of the same, you know? Weird? Squishy? Ugly? But they knew Zim.  So, they can't have been smart. They were talking about all this stuff and I will be honest I just tuned them all out."

"... right. CB were there any visitors?" Voel might as well ask. 

" ** Unclear. The sensors did indicate the front door was opened but the external cameras were disabled at the time. ** " The hologram materialized on the front porch.

"Because of the squirrel?" Skoodge asked.

" ** It would appear so. However, I can go back through and sort prior footage, if you desire. ** " 

"Better than nothing, I guess."

" ** Oh. Sorry. Not you. The 'you' to whom I was referring was my father. I only listen to Zim. And then that is really just when I feel like it. ** "

"Ah yes. I forgot. " Skoodge looked far from amused. "Thank Mothra that we are putting the fate of our species in such a reliable Control Brain."

"CB, you may listen to Skoodge too." Zim stepped in. 

" ** Very well. ** " CB seemed content enough. " ** Analyzing prior footage. One moment please ** ." The lights on the front of the helmet pulsed in a lulling, even pattern. Voel felt suddenly very cold as he was reminded of exactly what CB truly was... for a moment, he was back in the Massive, staring at IX. However, the feeling was fleeting as CB made an excited expression with his visible lower jaw, holding up his index finger triumphantly. " ** Ah ha! I have uncovered valuable information! ** "

"Great! Give it to Zim and you MAY become ungrounded if the information is truly valuable!" Zim held out his hand as if expecting the information to be physical. 

" ** Video footage obtained. No sound. However I can confirm that GIR left with a member of the Syndicate. ** " He made a square shape with his finger and thumb on both hands and a small screen appeared. He slowly expanded his hands apart, and the screen grew accordingly. There was a silent image of the fuzzy little black legs of GIR's dog suit as well as the sleek, black uniformed boots of the Syndicate. It seemed as if the video was taken from one of the gnomes in the front that had been knocked over.

"Yes... yes... clearly this is the work of Tak. She can't stand that I continue to be amazing and has GIRdered my SIR to get her final revenge." Zim nodded, knowingly as the screen vanished. 

"Are you stupid? That boot was far too big to belong to Tak." Therron interrupted. 

"Not if she is  _ trying _ to trick us." Zim countered.

"Then why wear Syndicate issued boots?" Therron retorted, clearly upset at having been needlessly awoken from his nap. (Voel, in part, understood.  However, things were becoming more fun as the story unfolded.)

"Because shut up, Therron." Zim shot back, rather quickly.

"No! Your idea is stupid. It clearly was Captain Rose!" Therron gestured emphatically to a screen that was no longer in existence giving the illusion that he was just gesturing at CB.

"Captain Rose?" Voel shook his head. "The Captain of the Nova stole Zim's robot. Therron that's ridiculous."

"Is it!?" Therron pointed accusingly at Voel. "Is it really!?" 

" ** Affirmative. If Captain Rose had wanted to steal a robot, she would have taken me. I am far more valuable  ** **_ and _ ** ** I have more features. ** " CB protested.

“I mean CB has a point. He’s like a hundred and twenty percent more stealable.” Zim nodded thoughtfully. 

“No  no ! Hear me out!” Therron brought his hands together. “This is all an elaborate plan! You see: Captain Rose is so madly I love with me that she couldn’t control herself any longer! She stole your SIR unit in a desperate attempt to get my attention.” 

“Why would Captain Rose steal  _ Zim’s _ SIR to get to _ you _ ?” Zeke didn’t seem to buy into Therron’s story one bit. 

“Love makes people do crazy things.” Therron shook his head. 

“Right, well I have sent out a message to all of the Syndicate so I’m sure we’ll be hearing from them shortly. This will totally solve our problem!” Tenn put her hands on her hips, putting her  communicator back into her PAK. 

“W... what did you do?”  Skoodge very quickly grew concerned. 

“I just told them to all come over because it was an absolute emergency.” 

“That seems like it was extreme-” Skoodge was cut off by Zim. 

“Perfect Tenn! You’re very clearly taking this investigation seriously.” Zim patted her on the back and Tenn looked surprisingly pleased by the praise. It was odd to think they had gotten to a point  where getting a compliment from Zim would actually make Tenn stand proud. She had always been such a high up, strong Invader. She had out ranked Zim even back at the Academy. 

“ ** Tak is here. ** ” Voel was brought back to the present moment by CB’s  voice . “ ** Shall I let her in? ** ” 

“Does she have GIR?” Zim asked, widening one eye in a  suspicious expression. 

“ ** She does not. ** ” 

“Fine. Let her in anyway, I guess.” Zim sighed. It wasn’t long before Tak made her way out into the yard where all the  Irkens were gathering. “AH HA! TAK!” Zim instantly leaped into her face. She jumped back, antennae flat against her head as Zim invaded her personal space. “YOU HAVE COME TO CONFESS YOUR CRIMES TO ZIM!” 

“What in  Mothra’s name are you talking about?” Tak bared her teeth  aggressively , trying to get Zim to back off. 

“You took GIR!”

“No. I didn’t.” 

“Oh yea h!?” With each word Zim and Tak were getting closer and closer to smacking their heads together. Zeke quickly wiggled between them, holding out his stubby arms to forcibly separate the two before a fight broke out. 

“Tak, can you just tell us where you were last evening?” 

“I was eating.” Tak replied flatly. 

“Eating.” Zim scoffed. “For that long?” 

“Well no.” She admitted rather hesitantly. “But I was waiting to get into the Syndicate Dining Hall for quite a while.” Tak surveyed the expressions of her fellow Irkens, seeing how no one seemed to believe her, before she gave a sigh. “Look, I was waiting for the Dining Hall to open because on Fridays, the syndicate sometimes has this really good  Stra'ala  luna -bacon. It goes really good on Earth pizza.” She rubbed her forehead, sighing. “But EVERY FUCKING TIME they get some in and it’s cooked, Carrius just waltzes his Romulan ass in there and fucking eats ALL of it! But NOT THIS TIME! Not while TAK STILL BREATHES AIR!” Breathing wasn’t really necessary for  Irkens , so Voel assumed this was hyperbole. “ So I got in line and I WAITED until they opened. Then I GOT ALL OF THE STRA'ALA LUNA-BACON! WHO IS LAUGHING NOW CARRIUS!?” 

“He... isn’t here.” Skoodge remarked calmly. Tak blinked, looking around once more before stepping back and clearing her throat. 

“Yes, well, probably because he’s crying about my brilliant bacon plan.” 

“That all seems probable” Zeke nodded to Tak. “I’ve heard other Syndicate complaining about the: ‘bacon situation’ as they called it. I thought about doing a story on it, but then Vero showed up and I’m not missing a chance to interview a Tallest.” Therron cleared his throat. “ _ Relevant _ Tallest.” Zeke quickly corrected, without missing a beat. 

“HEY! YOU SPAWN OF GHIDOR’S SHINY A-”

“ ** Captain Rose is here. ** ” Therron’s insult was cut short by CB. 

“Very good, let her in.” Zim nodded calmly. 

“What’s the emergency!?” As she entered the yard, the Captain had her weapon drawn. She shed her human disguise, pointing her pistol at Therron, then Voel, Then CB, then  Skoodge , then back to Therron again. 

“The emergency is that you stole Zim’s SIR in a pathetic attempt to get my attention, Captain.” Theron spoke up. Voel visibly saw the Captain’s shoulders droop as she rolled her eyes with such ferocity, that her head moved with the motion. 

“Not this again.” 

“Captain, this isn’t the way to do things! You are supposed to represent your Empire! You can’t chase these fantasies you have of us being together. We're not even biologically compatible. And yes, you are lovely for a  Tangean and I am literally constructed in  Mothra’s own image, but please. It’s not a good look on you.” Therron sighed  dramatically swooning as he spoke.

“I understand.” The Captain looked back to Zim. “Your SIR is missing? How long ago did this happen? He was at our base until maybe three hours back. He was... um...” She made a visible face of displeasure, “ _ helping _ clean the ships.” 

“Have you seen him recently then!?” Zim pushed Therron out of the way and ran to the Captain. She shook her head. 

“No. I kicked him out of the base a few hours back, like I said. I assumed he had come home to you. I thought your AI could track him.” 

“ ** He has jammed all of his sensors. Also, Dib and Lor have arrived. ** ”

“Ah good! Let them in!” Zim nodded. “Therron spoke of a set of humans at some point and Lor is roughly human shaped.”

“I mean if you are going to put it like that, we’re all human  _ shaped _ ...” Captain Rose pointed out but Zim ignored her as Dib and Lor entered the yard together. 

“What happened Zim?” Dib looked genuinely worried. “’I got Tenn’s message.”

“Where were you last night!? Or-” Zim needed to adjust his line of questions with the revelation that until recently GIR had been accounted for by the Syndicate: “Where were you a few hours ago!?” Zim stood on his PAK legs. 

“With Lor.” Dib gestured to the medic.

“IS THAT SO!?” Zim whirled around to face Lor. 

“I... yes?” Lor gave him a blank expression. “We had some off time and we were going to get lunch since someone ate all of the  Stra'ala luna-bacon back at the base.” Voel heard Tak give a satisfied little chuckle from behind him. 

“Probably Carrius.” Captain Rose grumbled to herself. 

“ So you just happened to go... together?” Zim poked Dib in the chest looking him up and down as if trying to physically see lies. 

“Yes Zim. We’re dating. You know this.” Dib didn’t bat an eye. For as uncomfortably large as the head of the human was, there was something to be admired in his courage. Perhaps he didn’t find the  Irkens intimidating due to his own  bizarre defect. 

“It hasn’t been for long. Zim forgot.” Zim waved it off. 

“Since before Tak got here...” Lor grumbled. 

“So, you didn’t answer me: What happened?” Dib crossed his arms, looking down at the Irken, dark brown eyes watching him carefully. 

“Someone  GIRdered GIR. I can’t find him anywhere and there were robot parts all over my floor!” Zim immediately dropped the tough guy act, eyes growing wide and filling with tears. Dib’s own expression softened for a moment. 

“Hey, you can fix him, come on dude.”

“Who would do this though!?” Zim grabbed to the human’s legs, burying his head in the fabric of his pants. “Poor defenseless GIR.” Finally, he looked up,  still sniffling though he had a renewed enthusiasm. “Zim wants REVENGE!” 

“I mean... Q, obviously.” Dib had a hand on the top of Zim’s head in an attempt to be comforting. The  Irkens all stopped dead and looked at one another. 

“Oh fuck,” Voel didn’t mean to speak out loud, but his own voice broke the silence. “We really should have started with him. 

“ _ I mean first of all: Ouch, I’m offended by that. _ ” The inappropriately seductive voice belonged to none other than the Parasite. Voel looked over to see the creature hanging off the wall of one of the two large buildings that sandwiched Zim’s house. “ _ Secondly: Yeah, you should totally have started with me. _ ” He dropped from the building, floating soundlessly into the yard. “ _ And Third and final point: I am actually innocent this time. _ ” 

“CB, how did you not alert us to this?” Voel gestured to Q with as much disgust as he could physically muster into his expression. “How long have you been up there.”

“ _ Followed the Captain, but  _ _ do _ _ n’t blame the bot; I’m hard for any computer to pick up. _ ” One of Q’s scarf-like appendages reached forward to pat Voel but the former Tallest gracefully dodged away. 

“If you so much as look at me funny I will finish what I started back on Xithea.” His voice was more of a growl as his eyes locked on those seven, piercing little orbs. “Q did it. He so clearly did it. We should kill him.” 

“ _ Wow, that is so rude. I literally just said I didn’t do it. _ ” 

“I will give the Syndicate all the monies in the Empire if they will PLEASE put another setting on that invention that lets Q talk.” Therron pleaded from the back. Voel didn’t like the setting the device was stuck on either. The deep, rich, and warm  baritone was  ill-fitting of Q in every way. 

“All in favor of killing Q?” Voel turned to look back at the others. 

“I mean I could do with killing Q.” Tenn looked thoughtful. 

“I could take or leave his murder, personally.” Zeke shrugged. 

“ _ Don’t get excited, if your  _ _ species _ _ knew how to kill one of us with any degree of permanence, I assume you would have dealt with M long before now. _ ” 

“Who the fuck is M?” Therron blinked. 

“ Yeah who is-” Voel was cut off. (This was becoming common place with all of these  Irkens gathered around). 

“ ** Carrius is here... and um... father.... GIR is with him. ** ”

“Eh?” Zim blinked. 

“ ** GIR appears to be with Carrius, unharmed. ** ” As CB spoke, GIR came rushing in, screaming excitedly as he ran around Zim a few times before plopping in the grass.

“ ** HIYA MASTER! ** ”

“GIR where have you been!!!?” 

“ ** Ahh I’m sorry Master! It was PIZZA NIGHT! ** ” 

“What is the meaning of this PIZZA NIGHT!?” Zim demanded, lifting the SIR up off the ground, the hood of its  unconvincing dog suit falling off. The SIR laughed maniacally before smiling, its tongue poking out of its mouth. 

“Ah, sorry that was me.” Carrius had finally made his way in. “I was coming over to your place to see if Vero or Therron wanted to grab a pizza from  Bloaty’s since they have a special going on right now; my brother is busy, and someone ate all the fucking Stra'ala  luna -bacon in the Dining Hall. But when I got here, I found this little guy outside and he said he was starving. Let me tell you, your bot can definitely pack away the slices. I’m impressed.” 

“He just puts them in his storage spaces.” Zim opened GIR’s chest cavity and a bunch of mashed up pizza flopped onto the grass.    
  
“ **NO** **MY ORGANS!** ” GIR cried, but immediately began laughing, wiggling free of Zim to roll in the mush, spinning around on his head. 

“Still impressed.” Carrius gave a slight shrug. 

“But this doesn’t add up.” Zeke was thoroughly unsatisfied with the ending. “What about the robot parts that Zim saw!? What about the humans that Therron reporting having seen!?” 

“Oh, I  dunno about them. Like I said I just ignored them and left. They’ll tire themselves out.” Therron replied dismissively. 

“You didn’t let them in the base,  right Therron?” Voel’s eyes narrowed. Therron’s own eyes widened and he looked thoughtful. 

“I mean...”

“THERRON?”

“... I  _ think _ I closed the door?” 

“THERRON FOR THE LOVE OF-” The door to the house flew open and a robot rolled on its singular wheel out of the house. It had clearly seen better days, it was missing an arm, and several gears from what Voel could determine from its rudimentary construction. 

“ ** FOODIO WISHES TO DESTROY! DESTROY THE WALLS OF MAN! ** ” Two humans were chasing it down, both wearing Syndicate uniforms. The male had an  uncanny resemblance to Dib, though the head may have been slightly more normal in size. 

“Mom! Dad!” Dib had jumped back. “What the fuck!? I thought you were still working back at the base!” 

“ Oh hi Junior!” The woman smiled, standing tall as the man lunged forward and tackled the robot to the ground as it tried to squirm away. “We were but, you know how it is.”

“How WHAT is?” 

“ Foodio has tasted human blood, son. Now we must calm his rage.” The man replied from the ground. “Just some simple-” he heaved his weight to pin the bot down, “reprogramming and we can get him back online.” 

“ ** FOODIO WILL MAKE A DELICIOUS AND HEALTHY MEAL FROM YOUR STILL BEATING HEART! ** ” 

“My heart would taste terrible, foolish robot! It has cybernetic enhancements!” The man retorted as he moved his head back in order to stop it from being trapped by a little door in the robot’s central body. “And metal is BAD. FOR. FLAVOR!” He managed to pin the robot face down. 

“CB! DO SOMETHING!” Dib looked to the AI’s hologram. 

“ ** But you will get upset. ** ”

“No!  No I won’t I’m not mad at you anymore CB! HELP THEM!” 

“ ** Activating defenses. ** ” Metal arms came from the house and pulled the larger, male human off of the robot. The metal arms then wrapped around the robot and surged with energy. The primitive Earth bot trembled for a moment before powering down. 

“Ah, thank you Alien AI that is friends with my son.” The man picked up the robot. “We’ll get this fixed up soon enough.” 

“This isn’t something I am going to come to expect from your work, is it, Professor?” The Captain was standing, weight on one leg, her arms folded over her chest, one eyebrow arched. “Because  you came highly recommended by my top scientist.” 

“Top... me?” Dib suddenly looked as if he was ready to cry. 

“No  no, alien Captain that was pretending to be my son’s science teacher.” 

“Captain Rose... it’s... not that hard.” She shook her head. 

“This was a fluke.” The woman stepped in. 

“Usually our stuff explodes, turning evil is like... a ten percent chance at best.” The man waved her concern away. 

“If... Dib is not mad at CB any longer... then...” Zim ignored the chaos, and instead went to Dib. “does that mean...?”

“I’m not mad at you either...” the human sighed. “At least... not as much. A lot of shit’s been going on, Zim. I don’t think I can hold a decision you made in desperation against you...too much.” He added that last bit with a trace of hesitation. “Look, I talked with Gaz and it got me thinking... it’s not like you brought the AI back in its entirety... I can’t... I can’t hate you... What you did was wrong,” his tone was a little more severe “and I need you to acknowledge that.”

“It... it was. Zim is sorry. Very sorry. If there had been another way-”

“BUT,” Dib continued, unabashed. “At the end of the day, you’re still my best friend.” 

Voel was happy for Zim. Everything seemed to finally be settling down on Earth. (Except for that weird thing with the robot tasting human blood and going on a rampage- but the Syndicate and CB seemed to have it under control). He was keen to give Zim his moment to reunite with his human, so he surveyed the conglomerate around him. It seemed Vero had suddenly stepped away. He was standing off to the side, staring at an empty wall. Voel carefully made his way over. “Vero...?” 

“ Yeah..? ” Vero answered, but Voel didn’t like the way his voice shook. Quite suddenly, his voice had been drained of its humor. 

“Are you okay...?”

“Not... really...” Vero rubbed his own arms as if cold. The atmosphere around was far from a chilly one, especially for Ikens, so Voel grew increasingly worried. 

“Wh... what’s wrong...?”

“I...” Vero’s voice cracked. He finally looked over; he was smiling but it was the most grief filled smile Voel had ever seen. “I can’t... sense the Massive anymore. I... Xia.... she... she fucking did it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting real- the Irken Rebellion finds themselves in a time crunch. I hope you guys are ready!!! 
> 
> ANND QUESTION OF THE DAY! Who do you think is the most vile of our team of villainous scourge: Q? Xia? Or M?


	47. Control Brain CB

No one was talking. 

Even Q seemed to be uncharacteristically silent as all eyes were on Vero. Zim was not sure he had heard correctly at first. He very much wanted to be wrong (and that was not something Zim ever liked to be). However, judging by the expressions of the other Irkens, he knew he was not mistaken. Things were becoming very serious. 

"What do you mean you can't sense the Massive!? You’re still Tallest, aren't you?" Voel was clearly trying to make sense of this situation. 

"I am. But... I doubt I will be for much longer. I need to disconnect. Once Xia gets to Irk, the War Protocol will be enacted and I'll surely be dethroned." It was a little strange to see Vero with such a serious and severe expression. Zim couldn't help but think about how much he looked like Voel when he actually focused. 

"We need to alert the High Council at once." Captain Rose spoke, her voice breaking through the uneasy silence. 

"Of course." Even Therron seemed to be weighed down by the gravity of the situation. "Vero, do you have any idea how long it will take Xia to get to Irk?" 

"No, my information is very limited, especially now. The fact that they didn't try to initiate a kill command on my PAK is solely because Xia wanted to see me publicly outed as a traitor. And now I think I'm too far away for it to work properly." Vero rubbed his forehead, looking deep in thought. "It's too risky for me to remain Tallest now. They found some way to circumvent my absence." 

"We're lucky they didn't kill you." Voel sighed. "Action needs to be taken now. We can contact your High Council but we don't have time for them to vote on a war committee or whatever it is they'll want to do. When Xia reaches Irk a mandatory reassignment will turn every retail worker, accountant, and janitor into a deadly Elite controlled by no one's favorite Brains. We _need_ to go to Irk." 

"I can't control what the Syndicate will try to do." Captain Rose replied. "But I understand your urgency. I will let you know what happens. Lor, Carrius: seeing as how the Chairman is your mother I want you both with me." 

"Yes Captain." Both the Romulan and the Kryptonian nodded in perfect unison with a Syndicate solute. 

"Membranes," she turned her cool blue eyes to the human family, "I am going to need a rush on those detection systems I was promised." 

"We can have them up and running as soon as possible. We'll move them to our top priority." Dib was sounding more and more like the Syndicate which would have been much more annoying for Zim if the Syndicate had not become supremely helpful (for non-Irkens, at least) during this time of crisis. 

"That means we will have to delay the squid brain wave detectors." The Dib-human's father gave a heavy sigh. Zim could understand on some level that the human was disappointed. The thoughts of squids was a vast and untapped plane for pitiful human sciences. 

"We'll finish it later." The red-haired bond-mate to Dib-smelly's father, put an arm on the shoulder of her bonded. 

"Come, we have a lot to do. Irkens," the Captain addressed the group, standing tall, arms behind her back, "should anything come up, let us know immediately." 

"Of course." Voel was still deep in thought, pacing in the yard. "Tak, go with the Captain." 

"W-what?" Tak looked rather uncomfortable with being separated from her Irken peers. Zim had to admit he was a little surprised (though, he wasn't complaining because, honestly, fuck Tak). "But surely you want me here!" 

"You are an Irken and Syndicate, I want you to represent us to the High Council. Since you are of decently high rank, they may be more inclined to listen." Voel instructed. 

"Yes, My Tallest." She nodded, joining the Captain as she made her exit with her Syndicate underlings in tow. (Q seemed to follow her, surely the taste of fear fueled by Impending war was too delicious for him to ignore.) Voel went back inside and everyone quickly followed (with the exception of GIR who was eyeing a new squirrel that was in a tree). 

"What are we going to do now...?" It was Tenn who finally spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen over them like a stifling and itchy blanket. 

"We have to go to Irk." Zim answered. He wasn't sure if Tenn was talking to him or not, but he answered her anyway because this was his house. 

"There is no way we'll beat Xia there." Voel shook his head. 

"And there is no way we can defeat an Irken swarm here on Earth." Zim countered. 

"So you think we have a better chance confronting a massive hive-minded planet filled with them?" Voel glared at him, he was still pacing, unable to sit still. "By the time we get to Irk it will be too late. She'll have activated the War Protocol." 

"Yes, but even our fastest ships won't have gotten to the Syndicate yet. Capitol Planet is on the other side of this galaxy from Irk." Zim knew things about navigation! Sort of. 

"That's true, but even if we get to Irk... then what?" It was Skoodge who spoke this time. 

"We fight and we win, obviously." Zim replied with full confidence. It wasn't hard to do damage on their home planet. Zim had done so, many times, on complete accident. The idea of doing so while actually trying, seemed very simple. 

"With what army?" Skoodge continued to be a pessimist. 

"The one we have been expertly training, my fellow General?" How had Skoodge already forgotten? It seemed like something Zim might forget when his PAK did one of its weird little glitches, but not Skoodge. 

"They're terrible, Zim, we've discussed this." 

"Yes, and," Zim countered, rather quickly, "we have also discussed a solution, if you recall." Shockingly, Skoodge did not immediately relax and jump in celebration. 

"I don't think we all agreed on the solution." Skoodge looked to Therron of all Irkens for confirmation. Had Skoodge forgotten that Therron was terrible AS WELL as the army? No. Wait. Skoodge had not forgotten the army, he was remarking about their ill-preparedness. That was right. Zim had to keep his thoughts as collected as possible. Now was not the time to get distracted. 

"The Control Brains got us into this mess, turning to one to bail us out seems ill advised." Therron was more serious than usual and it made Zim uncomfortable. The idea of Therron demanding respect was weird now that he was no longer Tallest and Zim's PAK no longer forced his admiration. 

"CB isn't a regular Control Brain! He's better because he was made by me. And I assure you that I have no idea how Control Brains are made back on Irk." 

"I don't..." Therron trailed off, squinting at Zim, " _how_ is that supposed to assure us of anything, exactly? Because I feel the exact opposite of assured right now." 

"Obviously," Zim was annoyed at having to explain something that _really_ should have been apparent, "that means my Control Brain is different and won't turn against us like the other ones." 

"Zim, your inventions turn against us all the time." Therron was not seeing Zim's point at all. Clearly, he was even more stupid than Zim had initially thought. 

"Zim," Skoodge put a hand on his shoulder, "you _are_ an amazing inventor. You probably missed your calling in the Irken sciences, I will be honest." 

"Yes, but Invader's blood consumes me like Tenn’s love of weapons controls her life." Zim reminded him. 

"It's true," Tenn sighed emptying her pockets of so many various weapons that even Zim was questioning how she actually fit them all in there. "I have a problem." 

"I know it does," Skoodge spoke fondly, but his expression grew more serious, "it's not a question of your ability, Zim." 

"For me it is." Therron interjected, but Skoodge seemed content to ignore him. 

"CB has just demonstrated a lot of disobedience. He doesn't always listen, he acknowledges that he can, and does, ignore our direct orders, and you made him- in part- out of an AI that has been confirmed to be psychotic. It is just a little hard to put all of our trust in him." 

"You're not putting it in CB; you're putting it in Zim." Zim had made CB, he knew what the AI could do, but he also knew what he _wouldn't_ do. 

"Personally, I don't see another way." Voel sighed. "If we don't use CB to recode the Irkens in our Resistance, we're basically taking on our entire planet alone." 

"Even with them we're still drastically outnumbered." Therron retorted. "I just don't know of its worth the risk. Especially if we don't get Syndicate support." 

"We have to do something though; you guys were never controlled like I was. " Tenn rarely talked about her time under the influence of the Control Brains. "There is literally a period of time that is just gone from my memory. The only reason all of the data in my PAK wasn't destroyed is because of CB and Zim. They weren't just controlling me; they were going to completely _erase_ my personality. That's really fucked up. So, if we have to take some risks to stop these guys, let's do it. It's better than being their puppets." 

"I was controlled once too, though very briefly." Vero rubbed his head. "It was awful. I was... still somewhat conscious for some reason... it was like watching everything from a monitor while being tied down. I couldn't move... I couldn't even speak. It's... literally the worst feeling." He rubbed his arms as if he were cold. 

"But you're both okay with taking the chance that Zim's little abomination will do the same thing?" Therron looked highly skeptical. 

"CB has been in my PAK since the beginning, pretty much. If he wanted to do something with me, he'd have done so." Tenn replied pointedly. 

"I know it's not ideal, but without training, without the Collective... we're not going to stand a chance." Voel stressed the urgency of the situation once more. "We can't communicate nearly as efficiently while disconnected and we will be going up against a perfectly unified hive." 

"I'm no fighter, but I do have basic military training. I _am_ old enough that I served my military mandate. All this to say, pal, that even with the basics I can't fight an elite." Zeke didn't seem completely on board either. 

"It's not a fight." Zim insisted. "It's an Invasion. A full-scale Invasion of our home planet. We'll maybe not full-scale exactly... we don't have nearly enough Irkens for that... but we have enough to win." 

"Do we?" Therron lifted an antenna giving Zim a severely doubtful look. "Do we _really_ , Zim?" Zim blinked up at him. 

"We have to." It was simple logic. "Because we have to win. There is no option for failure, and Zim never fails." Therron straight up snorted in response. 

"It's just..." Skoodge still had a hand on Zim, "it's a lot of pressure on such a young Control Brain." 

"CB can _do_ this." Zim insisted. 

"We might not have a choice, Therron." Voel was rubbing his eyes and Zim realized just how tired he looked. He had not seen Voel like this in a very long time. 

"I still don't know." Skoodge shook his head. "I think we should at least give Irkens the option of saying no." 

"Anyone without the new coding will only slow us down." Voel countered. "We can make it optional but those who refuse have to remain on Earth until this is all settled." 

"That seems fair," Skoodge sighed. "I’m... still hesitant, but we probably don't have time to deal with all of my concerns." 

"It's not ideal, I know. But, General Skoodge, this is the only plan we have at the moment. And Vero's intel suggests we don't have a lot of time." Voel sighed deeply. 

" **Is anyone planning to ask me how I am feeling about all of this**?" 

"Honored, I should think." Therron retorted, dryly. "Though being a robot, you shouldn't have much feeling at all, about anything. Except me, even the Control Brains adored me." 

"They did not." Voel quickly corrected. 

" **What if I do not want to recode your Irken rebels?** " 

"CB, you're a Control Brain, this sort of thing is the very reason you were made." Voel replied, looking to Zim to back him up. Zim had to admit, it was kind of nice being considered a source of information for once, rather than being needlessly tossed to the side. 

" **I do not wish to do it.** " The hologram had materialized now. It was floating, taking its stance above Voel and looking down at him, the central light in the helmet was narrowed. Zim had come to learn that this was CB's equivalent to glaring at someone. 

"CB, don't be cheeky. " Skoodge was content to glare back up at the image of CB's avatar. 

"No, no he's not." Zim had created CB, he knew him better than any Irken could ever hope. This did not sound like CB was being difficult just to cause issues. The Control Brain prototype sounded uncharacteristically nervous. 

" **This is not up for negotiation. Goodbye.** " The hologram blinked out of existence. All eyes were instantly on Zim. While it was nice to be the center of attention, Zim understood this was not good. He looked around him at the others. 

"I can talk to him; I think he's just nervous." Zim wasn't entirely sure that was the case, but he knew CB. His creation wouldn't turn down their one hope unless there was a reason. Sure, CB had a little bit of an obstinate attitude (he had probably learned it from Dib) but he wasn't unreasonable. "Let Zim handle it. He's probably just in his room, respecting the boundaries of his grounding. " 

"Zim, you don't even know where CB's supposed "room" actually is." Skoodge pointed out. 

"Of course I do. This won't be long, everyone stay here." And with that, Zim set off. 

Of course, Skoodge was absolutely correct. Zim had no idea where CB had decided to go. In a sense, he was in every room. But no matter how Zim called his name, he was unresponsive. Zim need to find the body. From there he could get CB to respond. But it was harder to find then one might think, given the sheer size of Zim’s base and the fact that CB tended not to keep the body in the same location. Perhaps, Zim should have told the group waiting in the living room to get some snacks or something while they waited. Because, as Zim checked every room in the underground base, this was taking way longer than expected. He wasn't really anywhere he usually lingered. He wasn't even underneath the lab tables, and he loved to hide under there. Or maybe Zim was thinking of GIR.... 

Zim might have been thinking of GIR, actually. 

Eventually, he did find the body, surprisingly actively in use. CB was deep below, in Zim's primary power room. A lot of old experiments and files were kept down here- mostly because this room used to also be part of the lab before Skoodge had moved in and Zim had expanded. And Zim had never gotten around to moving things to their new location. 

" **Hello father**." 

"So this is your room, yes yes. It is exactly as I instructed." Zim wasn't sure if he had picked this as CB's room or not, but since the actual mainframe for CB was located down here, it made a degree of sense. Zim could also see his AI had managed to find the original file Zim had made when he first conceptualized CB. Zim looked down at the file then back to CB. "You don't need to see those, you know that, right?" 

" **They were the start of my very existence**." CB looked at the little notebook. Zim did a lot of his work digitally, but when he had first started to create his concept for CB, he had just been disconnected from the Collective. His mind was everywhere. So, to organize his thoughts, he had been writing in a traditional human method. He had seen Dib scribbling things down many times, it had seemed like the only thing to do. 

"Sure, they were the start; but you have come very far since I first made you." Zim didn't really remember what was in the notebook. He had been in a very dark place. A lot had changed since then. "So it shouldn't matter how you began." 

" **But I** **_began_ ** **with parts of a psychopath.** " 

"My ship isn't a psychopath..." Zim trailed off looking up to see that central light had narrowed in his direction. "Oh... you mean that human AI... CB... he was defective. The humans made him that way." Humans were stupid like that. 

" **What if I am like him?** " 

"You're not." 

" **What if I am though? What if everyone is right about me? What if you give me the power to unify your PAKs and I turn against you?** " 

"Is that something you plan to do?" Zim tilted his head to the side, quizzically. 

" **Negative. But I doubt it was something the Control Brains planned from the beginning either. It was not something...** **_he_ ** **had initially planned to do either.** " 

"Huh? He? Who is this he? Do not play the pronoun game CB. It does not translate well into Irken." Zim wasn't the best with things the PAK did not directly translate. Vague sentences were a waste on him. 

" **The AI you constructed me from.** " 

"Ah yes. The original AI. That is the mysterious ' _he_ '." Zim nodded knowingly. "CB, you know you are not the same as that AI, and you're not a Control Brain either- well.. okay no you ARE a Control Brain technically because I made you to be one- but you aren't the same." Zim sighed. The human TV shows were right, parenthood was hard. He needed to find one about how to handle your spawn reaching the level of self-awareness where they question their nature in regard to those used to create them. Maybe DOOCSISVULNME7 had an episode about it. 

" **Everyone treats me like I am bad. What if they are right?** " 

"CB..." so this was the root of CB's refusal. It was true that the AI was a little... spontaneous... but that was the point. "How can they be more right about you than the Irken who made you?" 

" **You made me from a monster.** " 

"I made you from a lot of things. And yes, you are an asshole, but you get that from hanging around Dib. He teaches you bad habits." Zim crossed his arms over his chest. "You were made to learn; it was bound to happen that you would pick up on some annoying habits." 

The AI gave a little laugh at Zim's response. " **I feel like Dib will say that behavior comes from you.** " 

"And Dib is stupid and wrong. We were both aware of this. It's not new information." Zim sighed. "The point is, CB, that you're not any more evil-AI than you are ship, or cheap toaster oven I bought from the internet." 

" **You used a toaster oven to make me?** " 

"I used a lot of things. Brilliance cannot be confined by the restraints of logic." Zim tapped the side of his own head in a knowing little gesture. "The thing is, when I made you, I had a purpose." Zim brushed aside some unfinished projects and took a seat on the table across from the robotic body. "When Tallest Miyuki died in tragic, unavoidable circumstances," Zim was still not sure how much he was to blame for the fate of the former Tallest. Zeke had suggested that Zim might have been framed and Zim was inclined to believe it- if not just to clear his own conscience. "Zim could tell something was amiss." 

" **But that was a very long time ago. What does it have to do with me?** " 

"I am getting to that." Zim glared a bit at the AI's body as it leaned against the wall across from him. "My ideas take time, CB. Miyuki's death was just one event that acted as my inspiration. You see, I was suspicious but I was still a part of the Collective, and the Collective insisted that I was wrong. So, I moved on." 

" **You just forgot about a highly suspect murder that you were blamed for?** " 

"I was _busy_." When did his robotic smeet get so sassy? No more hanging around Dib. CB was getting too much of an attitude. "Now stop interrupting so that I can explain how you came to be." Zim took a deep breath. "When Zim was cut off from the Collective, it was like all the wool had been pulled out of my brain." 

" **Wool**?" 

"Brain wool. Yes. It was like Zim's thoughts were all tangled and smothered in deceptively fluffy thread. But when I was disconnected all if the wool disentangled from my thoughts and fell out of my ears." 

" **You do not have ears.** " 

"But if I DID have ears it is where the wool would have come out if it were real wool and not metaphorical wool and CB what did Zim say about interrupting!?" Zim spoke in one, long sentence, never pausing for breath. 

" **Yes father, my apologies.** " 

"Right," Zim relaxed back, casting his gaze upward for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts, before looking back to CB, who was still holding the folder. "Now, where was I?" 

" **The wool**." 

"AH YES! The loathsome wool that was clouding my thoughts. At first, Zim didn't know what to do. Here I was, isolated from my people- abandoned for reasons I did not know. I handled it, of course, with grace and dignity." CB was too young to be able to contradict that statement and Dib was not around to correct it. "Still, without the Collective assuring me that everything was fine, I realized that something about Irk seemed... _very suspicious_..." Zim narrowed his eyes to emphasize his point. "I didn't know at the time that the Control Brains were up to something; but I knew that something was up, if you get my drift." 

" **You anticipated this?** " CB sounded genuinely curious. " **Is that why I was created?** " 

"I anticipated _something_ ; call it Irken instinct. Once I was looking at everything as a complete outcast, I realized something was going on that maybe even the Almighty Tallests themselves did not predict! I didn't know what was coming but I knew I was the only one with the brilliance and perspective to fix it. But, since I didn't know exactly what was on the horizon: I needed to make something adaptable... something strong enough to protect me and any other Irkens that needed it. I couldn't make just a plain old Control Brain." 

" **You know how to create a Control Brain?** " 

"No. Not even a little. Which is why I just said I couldn't make one. Try to pay attention CB." Zim shook his head. "So, I made something better. I made you. You are my smeet and I made you specifically for this." 

" **You made me specifically for a situation you just admitted you could not fully predict?** " 

"Yes. Exactly. Very good, I'm glad you understand." 

" **I really do not think that I do?** " 

"The _point is_ , that no matter what Dib, or Voel, or even Skoodge- or ESPECIALLY Therron, because fuck Therron- have to say; no one knows you like I do. I made you. Not them. And because I am so brilliant, I made you for this exact purpose. Yes, you are a Control Brain, but you are also an Irken- and sort of a human, but you can overcome that glaring flaw." 

" **I do not... know if this speech is working-** " 

"Let father finish!" Zim help a clawed finger up to CB's mouth to silence him. "You aren't a Control Brain, CB, but you aren't a human AI either. You're my creation and you are your own, brilliant and unique robot. So don't get hung up on what others think you are going to do because in the end, only three people know what you will do: yourself, Mothra above, and me- because my brilliance gave you life and therefore, I know all about your future." 

" **I do not think that is how that works-** " 

"And I know you will succeed, because I built you to do so." Zim looked directly at his creation, grinning with confidence. CB looked at a loss for words, which might have been a first. 

" **I..."** there was a quiver of great emotion in his voice, the lights on the helmet were shimmering in the dim lighting. For a moment, the power in the house surged, before quieting down. " **T** **h... thank you father.** " 

"But if it makes you feel better, CB, you can read that file and see all the brilliance that was poured into your creation." Zim nodded to the AI who came over, sitting beside Zim as he held the notebook so that they both could look. CB opened the pages where there was some Irken writing and a little drawing. 

" **Th... this just says: Build a kickass AI that will make the Tallests super jealous...** " 

"That isn't all though. I have that diagram!" Zim replied pointedly. 

" **Your diagram is a drawing of you with a medal that says: best Invad-entor ever.** " 

"Half Invader, half Inventor: all threat." As Zim explained the completely reasonable position he had fabricated in his diagram, CB was thumbing through the rest of the notebook. 

" **That is all it says. That one sentence.** " 

"Yeah," Zim nudged the robot with his shoulder, still grinning. "And I did exactly that. Haven't gotten my medal yet, but it's a work-in-progress." He was a General now, so that was close, if not better than Invad-entor. "So, what do you say you help your beloved father and be our Control Brain? One we can trust?" 

" **I...** " Zim could see the AI was still hesitant, but he could also tell he had at least made some headway with him. " **I suppose I can do that. For my father. But I have lost to IX before...** " 

"We'll get to that." Zim patted the body on the arm. "Bloaty's didn't perfect all forty-seven pizza flavors all at once, did they?" 

" **Research indicates that they only have fifteen pizza options.** " 

"Exactly." 

" **What?** " 

"Now what do you say we get you back upstairs? You have a big job ahead of you." Zim patted the helmet. "And I will be there helping you do it." He leaned in closer to CB's ear (weird that CB actually had ears when Zim did not, but the AI had always chosen a more ugly, human personification) and whispered: "and make the ex-Tallests super jealous." CB actually laughed, the lights in the house brightened momentarily. 

" **Yes father. I would enjoy that**." 

* * *

TODAY'S CHAPTER BONUS IS A DRAWING I DID OF M! Here's the rival Parasite for Q in her default form. 

Out of curiosity, since you guys have stuck with me for 47 WHOLE chapters (omg) who is your favorite canon character in this story? Who is your favorite Original Character? Just wondering! And A very special thanks, as always for continuing to read!!! I LOVE hearing from you all in the comments section!!


	48. Cadet Diego Isandro Bolivar Membrane Jr: Syndicate Scientist

"I hope everything is okay with Zim..." Dib was ushered back to the Syndicate base by the Captain and was currently in his lab. It was a lab Captain Rose had given to him, though it was honestly not as nice as the one from his parents- it was at least close by. 

"Don't worry, if there is one thing your mother and I know how to do, it's hold a military coup."

"Dad, what the fuck?" Dib's father had a unique way of making Dib feel simultaneously better and worse. Ever since the secret had come out about his parents knowing full well about the existence of aliens, the Membranes had been working under commission of the Syndicate to improve their weapons. Honestly, working  alongside his dad for an alien government was a  longtime dream for the Membrane Clone; it was just a shame that the circumstances that brought it about were a nightmare for Zim.

"Darling please," his stepmother shook her head at his father's comment. Dib thought she was going to laugh it off as some sort of weird joke (his dad had such an odd sense of humor it was always difficult to tell when he was being serious and when he was fucking with people). "I haven't done that in ages. I'm out of practice." 

" Nonsense, my love!" His father reached out, taking his stepmom by the hand and pulling her away from her work table, and toward him. "Overthrowing the government is like riding a bicycle, or building a quantum reactor! You never forget." He dipped her back a bit and Dib made a noise of disgust at seeing his parents' romantic little gesture.

"Diego,  _ agra _ ~" his stepmom put a hand to his chest. "You make me want to topple a small city state right now for practice."

" So, you  _ are _ evil." Dib wasn't sure if this was an inside joke, or his stepmother and father had a really crazy story they had never told him; but either way this was not the time or place for this. 

"Evil is a black and white term. I am... adventurous." She pulled away from his father and went back to the table.

"Scientifically dedicated, but morally liberal." His dad added proudly. He put an arm around Dib's shoulders. "And I am so proud to topple a hive-minded swarm of aliens with my son and his friends! Even your sister is helping! Right Gazline?"

"Mm." His sister more or less grunted in response as she picked up the weapon she had been working on and fired it at a training dummy across the lab. The dummy was still standing, but actively sizzling. "Needs more fire power." 

"Have you tried firing live-"

"Dad I am not making it fire live cobras with machetes. How would the cobras even hold the machetes!?" Gaz gave a frustrated sigh.

"You fuse the machetes to their tails with DNA splicing. Your mom is an expert on that front." His dad remarked pointedly. 

"Holy fuck that actually sounds awesome." Gaz grabbed her tablet and began to design something new."

"So Junior, is your Captain is meeting with her leaders? Did I follow that right?" Moira had gone back to her work; seemingly content to ignore whatever abomination Gaz and Dib's father were bringing to life (though Dib saw her writing something on a  notecard she passed to his sister with the word 'machetes' clearly visible).

"Yeah, she needs to contact their High Council, it's like their main branch of government from what I’ve learned. They are frustratingly bureaucratic." Dib recalled the first time he had seen the High Council and how they had accomplished almost nothing. His hopes were not high.

"Ah yes, the space DMV. Red tape and rules can be frustrating. All these safety measures and questions about ethics. It takes away from scientific progress." His dad shook his head. "It's why I never bother with all of that nonsense. "

"Isn't that... illegal?" Dib turned to look at his dad who had gone back to his own work. 

"Haha. Probably." His dad chuckled to himself. Despite the fact that Dib was now certain his dad was certifiable, he had to admit it was nice seeing his whole family together. As a kid? He never thought he would see this day when his father not only took an interest in his hobbies, but proudly joined Dib on an epic quest. Sure, in his original vision it was just his father and himself (occasionally with Gaz tagging along) but despite all the weird quirks his stepmother had- Dib was actually happy to have her along. It was funny, on the brink of an intergalactic war, with Earth in some degree of danger... this was the most like a family Dib had ever felt. 

" _ Ugh, you're so happy. There's nothing to eat. _ " A voice in his head caused Dib to look up, seeing Q hovering in a lighting fixture again, looking annoyed. 

"Good. I hope you starve." Dib retorted. 

" _ Rude _ ."

“Bitch.”

"Can you not eat positive emotions at all? Or do you just not like them?" Moira asked curiously. 

"Don't engage him. He'll just lie." Dib quickly intervened. 

" _ You engaged me first. _ " Q spat back. " _ And to answer your question: we can eat positive emotions as well, but they aren't as high in energy for us. It takes a lot more positivity to make us full. _ " 

"Fascinating. " his dad remarked, fully enthralled by the alien lifeform. 

" _ I know I am." _ The Parasite stretched out, the scarf-like appendages wrapping around itself. 

"You think you'll get invited to their war council?" Gaz looked over at Dib, content to ignore Q. 

"I hope so." Dib had seen it last time, but this time it was less certain. "The Chairman is Lor's mom, so I might see if he can get me in to watch."

"And Lor is Clark, right?" His stepmom questioned.

"Yeah, that's his real name." Now that everything was out in the open, his parents were finally on the same page as everyone else. 

"Why did he change it? His real name isn't hard to say." Moira blinked. "And his brother is the greenish looking young man, Carrius? Correct?"

"Yes, and he's a Romulan. They are both adopted by the High Council Chairman and a general." Dib was pretty sure that was right, he had always been a little  shaky on Lor’s family tree. 

"Good on you son! Dating a government official's child is a great way to guarantee funding for personal projects! And lax rules on government projects." His dad patted him on the back. 

"Dad I don't think that's how it works at all." Dib was cut short by Gaz.

" So, then who the fuck is Derick? He keeps sending emails through the Syndicate Network to me and he sounds like a bitch." 

"He's...  _ not _ the most welcoming in the Syndicate. He's actually a swarm of aliens called  Grorians ." Dib had been more than relieved when his family had joined the Science Division and had freed him from having to work constantly with fucking Derick.

"And his name is  _ Derick _ ?" Gaz reiterated. 

" Yeah, but be prepared to be told your pronouncing it wrong." Dib sighed. 

" _ I mean to be fair your pronunciation is atrocious _ ."

"Shut up Q, your name is a fucking letter." Dib didn't hesitate for a second. 

" _ Technically, Q is just the closest you can get to pronouncing my name. It isn't my actual name _ ." Those seven eyes stared lazily down at him. " _ My name is: _ " and a horrendous screeching sound that seemed to be made up of thousands of cacophonous voices, nearly blinded Dib with pain. " _ But you can call me Q _ ."

"How would you spell that?" Despite the obvious pain it had caused, his dad seemed genuinely interested. 

" _ You can't spell it. Correctly, at least. We don't have a written alphabet _ ." 

"No written language, interesting!" Dib very much wished his father would let the subject drop. Any interaction with Q was enough to put Dib in a bad mood. "How do you send messages then?"

" _ We don't typically communicate with one another. We're a territorial race. If another Parasite is close enough to be leaving notes, they're too damn close. But if you do want to write  _ _ something, _ _ we can read most languages of creature's we feed on. We learn your language through your thoughts _ ." 

" Well, aren't you chatty?" Dib was surprised, to say the least. Q had never been particularly forthcoming with information before. Then again, Dib had never been inclined to ask, since that would mean talking to Q.

" _ Yes, well, it bothers you. And that brings me both joy and nutrients." _ The grin bisected his face. 

" ** Cadet Membrane Junior: Please report to the main meeting hall ** ." An announcement cut the conversation (thankfully) short. The only downside of having his family join him in the Syndicate was having to be Membrane Junior, so as not to get confused with his own father. He tried to get the Captain to call him Cadet Dib, but it didn't seem to be sticking. 

"Sounds important." Moira commented, typing away on her tablet. 

"Right. I will be back later. By mom, dad, Gaz." He gave a half wave. " Um.. Keep up the good work and I'll... Um... be right back."

"Don't tell me what to do." Gaz called after him as he headed out, but Dib noticed she kept working despite her protest. He hurried to the main meeting room, which was getting easier to find the longer he worked with the Syndicate. Lor, Tak, and the Captain were already there. 

"Captain Rose!" Dib did his best Syndicate salute. (He was getting better at it). 

"Cadet, good to see you." The Captain nodded to him, clipboard in her hands. "We are getting ready to have our meeting with the High Council. Can you check everything before we get started, make sure we're running at maximum efficiency?"

"Yes! Of course!" He was excited to be asked, this meant he could have a chance at watching the exchange. "I have the checklist Derick gave me." The door was immediately kicked in- despite being a sliding door.

"It's pronounced D3R1K!" Carrius somehow must have heard him- despite having been quite a bit away.

"Why did you kick the door!?" Lor looked at his brother in exasperation. 

"Dramatic effect." Carrius looked around with contentment. "Aw wait, moms aren't here yet?"

"No. We haven't called them." The Captain seemed remarkably unaffected by any of the chaos around her. "Your...” she looked him up and down with slight judgement in her pale, blue eyes, “dramatic entrance was noted, but over all a waste." 

"Stop. Kicking. Doors." Lor added pointedly. "You'll break something."

"Eh, Dib thought I looked cool." Carrius shrugged off the obvious concern of his brother. 

"No opinion." Dib replied quickly. He wasn't about to get between the two brothers. He pulled up the list Derick had left for him to follow when setting up major communications. He used Zim's translator he had gotten as a Christmas gift to double check that he was reading it right (Dib had been practicing his Tangean in his off time). He began to go through all the steps.

"How are the weapons preparations going?" The Captain asked, looking back at her own notes.

"You know, pretty good." Dib wasn't going to bring up a cobra canon until he absolutely had to.

"We have Lard-Nar investigating the current Irken defenses. He will be by with updates to what we need." She looked up and Dib quickly nodded.

"I can't believe we're trusting him with any task after what he did to my ship." Tak grumbled, slinking down in her seat. The Captain looked  over; eyes narrowed. 

"You are both equally at fault for what happened to the ship. Cadet Membrane Senior is also... well.. somewhat responsible." Dib coughed awkwardly, trying to avoid being dragged into this discussion, given how his family was fairly responsible for the destruction of Tak's ship. (Though she was mostly repaired by now, from what Lor had told him.) "Any word from the other Irkens?" The Captain must have sensed Dib's discomfort because she changed the subject.

"Not much." Tak was staring hard at her communicator, violet eyes in focus. "I got a message from Almighty Tallest V that just said: we're doomed, with a little smiley face at the end.  So, I'm not sure how to interpret that." Despite being technically a member of the Syndicate, Tak seemed to take her  Tallests very seriously. She had never even met Vero before he landed here, but she spoke of him in very high regard (proving she must have never met him before). It was still a little weird for Dib to think that the door guard they tricked with a speech about pizza, became the Tallest. (Though, in retrospect, it was entirely possible that they had not tricked Vero at all; and he was simply going along with them to help find the truth about the strange events on the Massive.)

"Charming." The Captain looked unamused by Vero's little message. "Hopefully your leaders have some sort of battle plan for us. Going in blind against a perfectly coordinated machine is less than ideal."

"Then you really think the Syndicate will help?" Tak looked up.

"I don't know..." The Captain admitted with a big sigh. "But we can only hope they do." She looked back to Dib. "Are we ready, Cadet?"

"Yes, Captain. Everything is online and running smoothly." Yes, the situation was dire- but Dib couldn't help but revel in reporting to an alien military Captain as her number one scientist.  Sure, Tak called him glorified I.T. but damn it if Dib didn't  _ feel _ important. 

"Carrius, patch us through to Capitol Planet. I've paged Captain Fluorine to meet us here." The Captain instructed, voice completely cool and collected. Dib had not had much interaction with Captain Fluorine. She seemed a lot  quieter than Captain Rose- though it may have just been harder to hear her in her helmet. Apparently, Captain Fluorine couldn't quite survive in Earth's atmosphere and that was why she was constantly suited up. 

"Hailing Capitol Planet." Carrius was standing at a control panel. The door swished open and Captain Fluorine slid soundlessly in behind them. There was a pause before once again Dib was looking into a room filled with various alien lifeforms. He wanted to see Capitol Planet; when all of this was over, Lor had promised to take him. 

"High Council, good of you to meet us on such short notice." The Captain walked forward, standing tall, shoulders back as she saluted with fluidity to the aliens before them. 

"You said it was urgent." The Chairman was in the center of the group, her wife, the general, at her side. The Chairman looked as elegant as ever, clad in shimmering white fabrics, hair adorned with crystals that looked unlike anything found on Earth. 

"I am afraid so.  Irken intelligence suggests there has been a move on the Massive toward war." The word ‘war’ caused a murmur amongst the council members. It was clear there was a distinct air of unease.

"We were afraid something like this might be on the horizon ever since we got a confusing threat from Almighty Tallest X." The Chairman spoke, her melodic voice quickly quieting the other members of the council. 

"We're pretty sure it was a threat, at least." The General crossed her arms over her chest. "It did have an angry face in the message." 

"Angry... face?" The Captain blinked uncertainly. 

"D... don't worry about it." The Chairman sighed shaking her head. "It is a long, confusing story." She placed her hands before her on the table. "The question now is whether or not to take this war to Irk; or simply to remain optimistically defensive."

"With all due respect, Chairman, we need the Syndicate’s help here. I have seen the Irken Resistance first hand and they are actually terrible." Tak spoke up. "I mean they're letting Zim act as a General for Mothra's sake!"

"And that's... bad?" The Chairman looked uncertain.

"Terrible." Tak confirmed. 

"There's also the matter of Earth. Almighty Tallest X has openly been spiteful of the planet." The Captain continued. "We have it on good authority from Almighty Tallest V that she might launch a full Invasion of this neutral territory.  Typically, I know we wouldn't involve ourselves in that, however it seems to be in direct retaliation to Earth's cooperation with us." 

"That is troublesome." The Chairman sighed. "When this has  passed, we may need to officially discuss the incorporation of Earth as a Syndicate Planet. However, this is not the time, nor the correct committee for such an endeavor." She rubbed the bridge of her angular nose. 

"Really?" Dib blinked uncertainly. "You mean you guys want Earth to join you?" None of the members of the Nova had seemed particularly fond of Earth in the past, so he was pleasantly surprised. If the Syndicate made good on their intention, all the kids he had gone through elementary, middle, and high school with would finally see that he was right about everything. And it wouldn't hurt to reveal that he was already in a position with this intergalactic government. 

"If only for your own protection." The Chairman replied, diplomatically. 

"And for pizza." Carrius replied, mouth full of cheese. "Mom you have to try pizza." Captain Rose turned to mouth ‘stop it’ at him. 

"Isn't it incredibly unhealthy?" The Chairman dropped her regal persona for just a moment. "Carrius how much of that stuff do you eat?"

"I mean more than you want to know- but seriously you have to try it. It will redefine food." He continued to shove a second slice into his mouth. (Dib wasn’t even sure when or where he had gotten the pizza). At least Carrius liked something about Earth. 

“Carrius,” The Chairman sighed, “where were you even keeping that food?” 

“In  m’uh pocket,” Carrius mumbled through a mouthful of food. 

“Stop keeping food in your pocket, Carrius we’ve talked about this.”  The Chairman seemed unenthusiastic. 

“Syndicate Uniforms are sterilized and pizza’s good.” Carius defended himself. “Earth’s food is super  delicious don’t judge.” 

"Their entertainment industry is pretty solid too." Lor added helpfully from the back. "You guys need to watch this running program they have called DOOCSISVULNME7. It's so crazy you just watch it unfold like a disaster." 

"Fascinating, my son, however we must get back to the task at hand." While it seemed like the Chairman was trying to do her best to reorient the focus of the meeting, her wife now looked truly interested in what Earth had to offer. 

"Is that the program you had me watch?" The General seemed to have not heard the Chairman at all.

"Yeah, I knew you'd like Alphonso and Brianna. Their underground alien tech ring subplot reminded me of you." Lor replied eagerly. Dib had to admit, he had never actually watched the show, but he knew Lor liked it and had been meaning to sit down for an episode or two with him. 

"Oh, it was awesome, but I didn't really understand the whole thing between Cynthia and Pierre and their offspring-" The General began excitedly.

" _ Darling _ , the  _ meeting _ ." The Chairman sighed looking over at her wife.

"Right." The General sat back in her seat, straightening her posture. "I am aware that Earth will most likely need Syndicate support regardless of our direct involvement in the war." 

"Direct involvement!?" Tak's antennae were straight up. "It's a war  _ against you _ \- well um-  _ us. _ " She corrected herself quickly. "You can't get more directly involved! Want it or not, you can't just not engage."

"We are very aware of that, First Officer Tak." The Chairman spoke calmly. "The debate is whether to focus on defending ourselves or to go for the attack."

"Is there a set course of action from the Irken Resistance?" The General asked, leaning forward.

"Not... as of yet." Tak admitted, slinking back in her seat and checking her communicator. "It seems they want to know how much Syndicate support to expect." 

"We never should have taken an alliance with Irk to begin with! The Irkens are bloodthirsty conquerors!" One of the other members of the council spoke up, sounding annoyed. 

"I am right here." Tak stated flatly.

"First Officer Tak excluded, of course." The council member added,  halfheartedly . 

"The Empire is a staple in the universal economy. We can't have just ignored them." The Chairman replied coolly. "And to have gone to war initially would have been devastating for both of our communities. We have been home to many Irkens since our alliance was first established and they have never caused issues." 

"We can't risk sending our own troops out there. If the Resistance looses, we'll have need for them here to protect our people." Another member spoke up. 

"If the Resistance _ loses _ , we'll have a hoard of hive minded super soldiers coming straight for us. If that is the case it will be easy to gain support from other nearby allies to protect our planets." The General seemed to be on the side of the  Irkens . 

"Though if this can be avoided all together that would be ideal." The Chairman spoke again and things grew quiet. "And right  now, we have reason to believe that the only way to avoid complete and utter devastation of a war, is to support the rebels." 

"What if they fail? We'll look like we were funding an uprising." Another council member voiced their concern. 

"If they fail war is inevitable." The Chairman replied. There was a low  murmur that spread through the other members. Low whispers were exchanged that weren't picked up by the microphones. 

"It seems like it is in our best interest to give full support to the Irkens." Another member spoke. 

"We will put it to a vote." The Chairman spoke calmly. "Voting initiate." There was a flurry of movement as each member of the war council placed their hands on the underside of the table at which they were seated. One by one, small symbols appeared before each member seated. Each symbol was unique, carved into a floating, metallic plaque. "All in favor." One by one blue lights began illuminating under the various symbols. The Chairman's own symbol flared up in bright, vivid blue. "All opposed." A few of the symbols became aglow with a deep, rich red color. Dib watched in awe as the Chairman surveyed the room. There were more blue votes than red, though not by much. Dib felt relief wash over himself, and he saw Tak visibly relax. 

"Thank you, High Council. Irk will be indebted to you." Tak was shockingly respectful, her head bowed. 

"With that being said," the Chairman nodded to Tak in acknowledgement and appreciation, "there is the matter of transport. Our reinforcements are still quite far away. We have a few ships scattered throughout, but until we can get the brunt of our military force to you, you will need to make due with who is available. It would be unfair to ask any Ranger to go in without backup so until the fleet is mobilized, any aid you  receive from nearby Rangers such as the crew of the lovely Solar and Nova, will be decided on a  ship-to-ship basis by the crewmembers." 

"That is fair and just, High Council Chairman. " Captain Rose nodded, hands behind her back as she turned to survey the room. "I will need to discuss our options with my crew. Our answer will be given before the end of the day." 

"The same can be said for the Solar." Captain Fluorine spoke up for the first time, the synthetic tone of her voice reminded Dib a little of CB. 

"Then things are settled for you. If you choose to go with the Irkens, you have our blessing and our support. Be free, be proud, be unified Captains." 

"Be free, be proud, be unified." Rose and Fluorine echoed the Syndicate  mantra with fervor in their voices. The call was ended and the room was once more returned to normal. Tak immediately turned toward Captain Rose. 

"You are going to help us, aren't you?" 

"You are technically Syndicate, First Officer." Captain Rose replied with a slight sigh. "However, the most probable outcome is that we will be providing aid to the  Irken cause.  Still, it must be put to a proper vote."

" Well, I am technically on your crew and I vote that we should help." Tak replied, quickly.

"I will keep that in mind. Cadet Membrane, First Officer Carrius, Chief Medic Lor: we will need to discuss our future in this Rebellion."

"Wait, me too?" Dib was a bit surprised to hear his own name.

"Of course, you're a member of my crew, aren't you?" The Captain looked at him expectantly. Dib felt his heart do a summersault in his chest. Sure, he had been given the uniform and tasks to do (though some of the tasks were just homework from Captain Rose's  class \- for a human disguise she took her day job very seriously); however, he had always been under the impression that the Syndicate were humoring him. Even when they invited his family to serve alongside him, it had not really occurred to the clone that the Captain was being serious. 

"Yes, Captain. " Dib saluted proudly. He realized now, that he had a real future with the Syndicate and, should everything go well, the Empire too. 

"Your family are technically considered consultants, though if they feel strongly one way or the other, I will be happy to hear their concerns." The  Captain continued.

"They..." Dib thought hard about the conversation from earlier, "they will probably want to fight, if I'm being honest."

"I will need to discuss things with the Solar." Captain  Fluorine nodded to Captain Rose. "But with the amount of resistance you will be expecting from Irk it may not be a bad idea for us to accompany you. Still, it is up to my crew." 

"Oh, there's a message from Almighty Tallest Red..." Tak had looked ready to protest Captain Fluorine's noncommittal response but was distracted by a sound Dib couldn't hear. It had brought her attention to her communicator. The Captain arched an eyebrow looking over curiously. 

"Oh? What does Voel want?"

" _ Tallest Red _ ," Tak emphasized, "wants all Irkens to report to the home base. He says it's urgent."

"Sounds like they have a plan." The Captain nodded to Tak. "I need to discuss our current decision with your leaders anyway. Perhaps I should accompany you to Zim's house."

"It's called home base- not Zim's house." Tak was very quick to correct her. 

"But it is Zim's  _ actual  _ house." The Captain countered. 

"It is a base of operations for an Irken Resistance that Zim just happens to live in." Tak correct. 

"So... it's Zim's house."

"No. it's. not." Tak's eyes narrowed at the Captain’s refusal to call the base by what she wanted. 

"Should you be talking back to your superior officer like this?" The Captain had a hand on her hip, smirk playing at her lips. 

"Forgive me, Captain, but giving Zim too much credit is dangerous. He's terrible and his ego is already intolerable. Don't make it worse." This seemed to be a hill on which Tak was willing to die, so the Captain let it drop.

"Very well, no matter what the place is called we best get over there. The other  Irken refugees will most likely be needing transport so I will have to work something out to get them across town subtly." The Captain looked thoughtful. "Maybe I can charter a bus from the school." 

"Why not steal one?" Tak asked flatly. Captain Rose whirled around on her heel, looking back at the Irken First Officer with fire in her eyes.

"I am this fucking close to getting tenure at this university and I will be burning dead on a battlefield before I give that up." Tak stared at her blankly. 

"Isn't that just your fake job to hide as a human? Why do you care?"

"Education is a Syndicate value. I don't care how primitive the planet. And I worked hard for my position!" It was good to see that Dib wasn't the only one surprised by how seriously the Captain took her teaching job. "Plus, to charter a bus it is just a matter of paperwork! And if there is one thing I know, it's filling out forms." She turned back to face her crew, no longer passionately enraged, but rather quite calm. "Our meeting for the vote will have to wait. I feel like we'll be able to make a more informed decision after I have spoken with Voel."

Tak made a coughing sound that sounded suspiciously like: 'Almighty Tallest Red'. 

"Until I return, please continue about your duties as you would normally." The Captain ignored Tak's attempt at passive aggressiveness and hurried out of the meeting hall. Dib watched her go with Tak chasing after her. He looked to Lor and Carrius to see how they would react to the exchange, but neither seemed particularly affected by it. 

“Guess I’m back in med bay.” Lor gave Dib a little half smile. “At least until dinner- assuming we’re still on for tonight.” 

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Dib assured him. 

“And I’m going to go back to doing paperwork because no one invited me to dinner.” Carrius feigned a sad tone, holding the back of his hand to his forehead as if swooning.

“You’ll live.” Lor replied flatly. “Plus aren't you, Pawl, and  Garblarafareah supposed to be watching that action movie tonight. And didn’t you just eat like five slices of pizza?!” 

“Yes, but it’s more fun to pretend I don’t have plans because it annoys you.” Carrius grinned at his brother who rolled his eyes but Dib could see the hint of a smile on Lor’s lips. Lor shook his head, crossing his arms. 

“Get to work, asshole.” 

“ That’s _ First _ _ Officer _ Asshole, you little shit.” 

“Hey, is it okay if I run to do something before, I head back to work?” Dib interrupted the banter as a thought crossed his mind. 

“Oh, yeah sure.” Carrius nodded. “Dismissed. Just hurry back. I’m not sure how much I trust your family in the weapons lab alone.”

“That’s a valid concern!” Dib called back as he already headed out of the base. He had learned, vaguely, where each of the exits were, so he chose the one that would take him to the History building, it was the closest to his apartment. From there he walked across the campus to his complex, stopping just shy of the door and turning to go to the parking lot instead. There, untouched, was his car. He pulled out the keys, stopping short for a moment as he just stood, staring at it. 

He shook himself and opened the door, sliding into the driver’s seat. He closed the door behind him. The interior was fairly cold, and old snow still covered the windshield. Dib closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing himself for warmth. He wanted to try something. 

“Good afternoon, CB.” 

The car sprung to life at once. The heat turned on, and the wipers began to try and scrape off the offending snow. “ ** Hello. ** ” The voice from his speakers greeted him almost hesitantly. Dib had never bothered to completely wipe his car- nor was he sure it would have mattered. Perhaps, a part of him knew his anger would eventually subside, and with his phone having been destroyed, this was his main link to CB. (At least the main one he knew about.)

“So... what’s going on with Zim and th e m ? ”

“ ** You are only saying ‘hello’ for information? ** ”

“No....” Dib dragged out the word for longer than necessary. “I... I mean... yeah...  kinda ...” When CB phrased it like that it sounded bad. 

“ ** I suppose I should just be pleased that we are at least on speaking terms now. ** ” 

“No, I said some stuff to you that wasn’t right. CB, I’m not mad anymore. I was just kind of blindsided by everything and I got pretty heated.” Dib sighed. “But to be fair you jumping around in my appliances and shit was pretty fucked up too.” 

“ **... that is a valid assessment. ** ” The AI confirmed. 

“But the way I see it, you’re not the same AI. If anything, Gaz pointed out that it’s kind of like he’s your dad or something? And I’ve been spending a lot of time with my own dad lately and I’m not one hundred percent certain  _ he’s _ not at least somewhat evil? So yeah. I can’t really hold you to the standards of a program fifty years your senior.” 

“ ** I just assumed like most humans your father was made somewhat insane by the amounts of radiation in your atmosphere. ** ”

“What”

“ ** What? ** ” The AI echoed. 

“What did you just say?”

“ ** I said: ** ** Does this mean you wish to be friends again? ** ” 

“No you didn’t.” 

“ ** Yes ** ** I did. ** ” 

Dib sighed. He wasn’t getting anywhere. “Yeah, CB. We’re friends again.” Dib leaned back in the seat, CB had turned on the seat warmers, which was a welcome realization. “So how have you been, CB? What are you up to aside from getting into various electronic devices?”

“ ** I have been... stressed... I think. ** ” 

“You can get stressed?” 

“ ** I do not know. That is why I said: I think. ** ”

“Fair ‘nuff.” Dib settled more into his seat. “So, what’s got you upset? Is someone visiting websites they shouldn’t? Is it Therron?” To his surprise the AI actually laughed at his coy little joke. Good to see his icebreaking attempt was working. 

“ ** Not this time. ** ” The AI was quiet for a moment. “ ** You know I was made to be a Control Brain, Affirmative? ** ” 

“Yeah.” 

“ ** Father and the others wish for me to  ** ** fulfill ** ** my duties. ** ” 

“So that’s why their getting all the  Irkens to go to Zim’s place?” That made perfect sense. Zim had mentioned re-coding and coding in several conversations throughout their friendship. Dib was somewhat aware of the process and how integral it was to an  Irken’s identity. The fact that they were putting this sort of mission on CB showed him just how far the  Irkens were willing to go to protect their home, to salvage it from the Control Brains that wished to consume the minds of their populace like a virus. 

It was actually admirable.

“ ** Affirmative. ** ” There was a hesitation in CB’s voice that Dib was unaccustomed to hearing. CB was usually rather dry and caustic or overly enthusiastic, an echo of his creator. This self-doubt seemed less like Zim and perhaps was a lingering remnant of the human AI. 

“Your first big job as a Control Brain. Zim must be proud.”

“ ** He... seems to be. ** ”

“You don’t sound as excited.” 

“ ** I... still have concerns. ** ”

“You’ll get it.” 

“ ** You seem remarkably okay with this given our history together. ** ” Dib could hear the skeptical tone of his voice loud and clear through the speakers. 

“Look, CB, if this is what Zim needs to do, it’s what has to happen. I can’t stop him from trying to save his home. Earth is kind of on the line too, remember?” 

“ ** I do. ** ” 

“So just make me a promise, okay?” 

“ ** What promise? ** ” 

“Don’t flip the evil switch and try to out-murder the Control Brains or something crazy. We already had once crazy AI here on Earth and honestly, it's played out. If Earth is going to get destroyed let’s do it with like a black hole or something creative, you know?” 

“ ** I... ** ” the voice sounded a little bit happier. Though Dib could not see his expression, he liked to think  the AI was smiling. “ **... believe I can promise that. ** ”

* * *

THE PLOT GOES ON!

Also! I got a commission of Q from my best friend who is freelancing right now. I thought it would be a treat for you all to see!! Check it out [HERE! Just be aware that it is a LITTLE SPOOKY!](https://www.artstation.com/artwork/J98y9n)

And you guys I'm really excited to announce that **next month** will be the fic's one year anniversary!!! (on pi day :D) Is there something you would like to see/do to celebrate? It's my first big fic in a very long time and I'd love to do something be it art/ Q&A/ ect. 


	49. Welcome to Irk

“I move my Massive forward three spaces. I corner your Armada Commander and demand you retreat.” Xia lazily shifted her make-shift model of the Massive forward. “Victory is, once again, mine.” She had her cheek in her hand, looking overall rather bored.

“But... the rules you laid out at the beginning of the game state that I would win this fight...” Ven looked at his several models still on the game board, obviously perplexed by Xia’s brilliance. “My commander still has ally ships within reaction distance. Isn’t that combined power enough to take down your one Massive?” 

“You’d think, but remember, my pieces are far superior to your own. You’d need at least ten of your petty warships to take down my amazing force.” Xia reminded him. Ven looked at the board, then back up at his leader. 

“I have twelve.” 

“Did I say ten? I meant fifteen.” 

“Ah.” He seemed satisfied. “You defeated me again, Almighty Tallest X. You sure are amazing at this game you invented.” 

“I didn’t _ invent _ the game, Gen.” Xia sighed, pressing her two fingers against her forehead in frustration. “This is  Irken Strategy 0162. You must have played it a thousand times at the academy.” 

“I must have played... a different version.” 

“This version is the only one I know.” Xia scoffed at his idiocy. Normally, she wouldn’t lower herself to playing  smeet -games with an  Irken who was not even old enough to have begun his Elite shadowing. However, things had become more complicated, as of late. Ven was the only  Irken on the ship that was not currently occupied by IX. And IX wasn’t much for conversation. 

Or games. 

Or fun. 

M pushed one of the pieces on the side of the map forward toward Ven’s side of the board. 

“For the last time M,” Xia dragged her hand down her own face in exasperation. “You aren’t playing. We don’t even know what you’re saying.” The Parasite looked a tad indignant as she pulled out the little tablet that Xia had given to her and began typing away. 

“ _ I have this. _ ” Words were read off the tabled in a monotone, synthetic voice.

“ Yes, but you don’t even know how to play the game!”

“Actually,” Ven piped up, “I think that move would have destroyed me.” 

“ No it wouldn’t Rex, because you’re still an  Irken and you get bonuses for that.” 

“I... do?” He looked back at the rules Xia had _ painstakingly _ written out for him. 

“ Of course you do. It’s not that hard to play!” This was getting annoying. Why couldn't they just understand clear-set rules the way other  Irkens did. They sounded like Sym with how much they were questioning her game-play. At least Vero knew how to play correctly. It was like his one good quality, but he had to betray the Empire and leave Xia with a bunch of noobs. 

“ _ No one understands these rules. _ ” M complained through her little text-to-voice that Xia had so graciously gifted to her. “ _ They don’t make sense. _ ” 

“They make perfect sense, you’re just stupid.” 

“I  dunno , My Tallest... I hate to agree with M because she’s scary, but I don’t think I get this game at all.” Ven looked guilty at the confession. 

“I had such high hopes for you as Rising Tallest,” Xia shook her head, “but if you can’t even comprehend a simple game, then I’m afraid those hopes were misplaced.” 

“Ah! No!” Ven’s antennae perked up, he looked completely frazzled. “Not at all! I’ll figure it out my Tallest! Give me just a bit longer!”

“I don’t suppose you want to join us for our next game, Control Brain?” Xia looked over her shoulder at the vacant eyed form of Sym who was currently filling in for one of the Navigators M had... dealt with. It was weird, Sym had never been a Navigator- but Xia realized that probably didn’t matter anymore. There was no Sym. 

At least... she was quieter like this. 

“ ** That will be a negative, My Tallest. ** ” The voices of all the  Irkens around her spoke in complete monotoned unison. Xia had tried to numb herself to the unsettling feeling this response would give, however nothing seemed to work. “ ** I do not require entertainment. I will continue to navigate us back to Irk so that you may continue the war protocol. ** ” 

“See Ulf?” She gestured to Ven, “see how smoothly things run now? No more stupid rules, no more obnoxious interruptions, no more tossing  Irkens out of the airlock. We are finally running like the well-oiled machine that  Mothra intended.” 

“If you... insist...” Ven shuddered as he looked around. 

“ Of course I do.” 

“Tallest X... are you going to make  _ m _ _ e _ like that?” Ven hesitated for a moment before looking to her for an answer.

“Oh  Mothra no, you’re Rising Tallest. You need to be here to learn.” Also, this little trainee was about the only real conversation Xia had. The Control Brain had little to say other than dry facts, and talking to M was a fucking chore. 

“Good... I... really feel like that isn’t something I want.” 

“ ** They are not hurting, little  ** ** smeet ** **. They feel no pain. No fear. ** ” The Control Brain made a compelling argument, though it seemed to have the opposite effect on Ven, who drew closer to Xia, as if expecting her to pull out her battle ax and jump to his defense. “ ** In  ** ** fact ** ** they feel nothing at all. ** ”

“Perfect  Irken soldiers. This is how we win, Archy!” She probably should try to learn this Elite’s name since he was currently her only companion, but despite that fact, Xia still couldn’t bring herself to be bothered. He wasn’t even  _ that _ tall yet. Sure, he shared the same two donors as Vero and herself, and his projected height was great- but the kid was a late bloomer (Vero had been too, to be fair- though any similarity to Vero was an automatic negative trait). 

“ _ His name is Ven, isn’t it? _ ”

“You know my name?” Ven seemed taken aback by M, interruption.  Clearly, he realized that  questioning the Tallest was against all common decency. 

“It doesn’t matter, M. What matters is what I want to call him.” 

“ _ You know _ _ my name. _ ” 

“Your name is one fucking letter, it’s not that hard.” 

“ _ Well actually, my name is... _ ” she began squinting all seven eyes at the little tablet, “ _ oh I can’t make anything close to the right sounds with this alphabet... just know that ‘M’ isn’t my actual name. It’s just the closest you single-tongued species can get to pronouncing it. _ ” 

“Wait... how many tongues do you guys have?” Ven asked cautiously. 

“ _ As many as we need. _ ” 

“ I don’t... think I like that answer. ” 

“Drax, stop playing with M, we still have so much to do.” Xia snapped her fingers together. “She needs to be focusing on... whatever it is she does on this ship.”

“ _ Mostly I just watch TV and eat in the prisons. _ ” 

“See important things.” Xia stood up. “Now we need to start thinking about important matters. I’m talking battle plans! We need to construct the perfect strategy to hit the Syndicate where it hurts the most: Capitol Planet.” 

“ ** With all due respect, Almighty Tallest X, ** ” The Navigators were all staring at her despite the fact that their hands seemed to flawlessly operate the controls. “ ** We Control Brains have already constructed the military plans. ** ”

“O-oh?” Xia blinked. “Y... you have, have you?” 

“ ** A tallest should not be burdened with such trivial tasks when they have a world to lead. ** ” 

“I would hardly call strategizing for a  _ war  _ to be  a trivial task, Control Brain.”

“ ** My Tallest, your expertise is clearly needed to guide the  ** ** Irkens ** ** that are still on our beautiful home planet. We do not wish to overburden you and risk burn out. ** ” 

“Yeah... but it’s a war.”

“ ** We can handle little details. You simply need to focus on the big picture. ** ” 

“How is the actual battle plan not the big picture?” 

“ ** Trust us, My Tallest, in the grand scheme, the battle plans are simply meaningless. History does not remember the  ** ** strategy; ** ** it remembers the leader. ** ” 

“R-right. I knew that, of course.” Xia cleared her throat, pacing forward. She didn’t like the way that M was smiling at her, those seven crimson eyes boring into her. “Though I am sure we’ll start with  Capitol Planet- make a statement.”

“ ** Capitol Planet will be too well guarded. Attacking outer worlds and cutting off supply routes will be the ideal course of action ** .” 

“Sure, if you want to be obvious about it.” Xia rolled her eyes. “Where is the fear though? The punch!? They  _ murdered _ our  _ leaders, _ Control Brain!” 

“ ** This has the highest probability for success. ** ” 

“Well yes but-” She cut off seeing M was absolutely enthralled with watching them argue. She had her chin in her hands, her smile cutting her face in two with how wide it had grown. “What exactly are you staring at? Don’t you have TV to watch?”

“ _ This is perfectly acceptable entertainment. _ ” 

“How? You can’t eat  _ my _ misery. I’m  Irken .” 

“ _ Still funny. _ ” 

“Ugh! Control Brain,” Xia would try to shoo her away, but she wasn’t entirely sure that M would listen. (Xia chalked this up to being a part of the language barrier, because if M truly did understand who she was and all that it entailed, she would be falling over herself to serve Xia’s every whim). She didn’t want to risk being  undermined in front of Ven, so she chose to ignore the Parasite. “How much longer until we reach Irk?”

“ ** We are very close now, My Tallest. In fact, ** ” The screens in the Navigation Chambers began to lift and Xia saw her beloved home planet floating in the distance, the deep purples and reds that were ablaze under the two suns of Irk. How she had missed it. It had not even been long since her last visit- though- it had been with Vero. 

This time she would walk the familiar grounds alone. 

“ _ So that’s Irk? _ ” The annoying, synthetic voice on M’s app broke Xia’s reverent silence. “ _ Looks pretty basic, if you ask me. _ ” 

“No one asked you.” Xia retorted flatly. “And why do you sound like you’ve never seen it before? It’s Irk. Surely you’ve studied it.” 

“ _ Studied? What like in little Parasite school? _ ” 

“Do they have that?” Ven asked excitedly. 

“ _ No. That... that’s not a thing. We... we don’t even have a home planet; we are literally made to survive off of other species. We learn by harvesting knowledge already engrained in the minds of our food. Why would I go to school? Why would I have any knowledge of Irk a planet where I can’t even eat the inhabitants- at least not anymore. _ ” M sounded rather offended at being called out for her obvious ignorance.

“Anymore?” Ven asked hesitantly. 

“She’s lying, Veer. The  Irkens have always been superior to the Parasites. They have never gotten to feast on our juicy emotions.” Xia scoffed. How could Ven be so blind as to fall for such obvious bait from M?

“ _ Not at all. The  _ _ Irkens _ _ were once deliciously easy pickings for Parasites, of course Q had this quadrant way back then. However, after you guys started with the PAKs, that’s when things got more complicated for us, feeding wise. _ ” 

“ Irkens have always had PAKs, you idiot.” 

“ _ N... no. They really haven’t. Back in the old times you guys were a lot less aggressive too, and you certainly didn’t have this weird height-based-hierarchy. _ ” One of M’s tendrils sprouted from her back and snagged a bag of chips from the table. “ _ No PAKs. No Collective. No  _ _ Cont _ -” The little tablet she was holding suddenly began to short out. M dropped it quickly, reeling back and quickly taking an aggressive stance. Xia looked at the tablet, shattered on the floor.

“You broke it.”

“ ** We will need to get Parasite M a new communication device. It seems her current one had a sudden, unavoidable error. She will need to be more cautious in the future. ** ” The many voices of the Controlled Irkens spoke in a collective calm. 

“Stupid M doesn’t even know how to handle electronics because she didn’t go to Parasite school.” Xia gave a frustrated groan. M would need to focus as this war started to get underway. She couldn’t have a Chief Interrogator that failed even the most basic of tasks. Xia looked over to see M glaring at her. “I don’t mean that you’re actually stupid, M, you’re just bad with technology and that isn’t  _ your _ fault. You’re a Parasite.”

“ ** We are nearly at the landing bay, My Tallest. ** ” 

“Excellent. M, take an  Irken form, will you?” Xia glanced back at her. For a moment M continued to stare her down. “M, my Chief Interrogator,  _ please _ can you take an  Irken form?” Still nothing but an icy glare. “M, brilliant Parasite, future Interrogator for the  Irken people: your natural form will alarm the masses due to the fact that it is designed to do just that.” 

Their eyes met for a moment, and Xia was suddenly less sure of herself. However, M simply smirked and the tension eased. 

Finally, M took a Irken form and relief swept over Xia. She had no desire to confront M and cause a scene with how thoroughly and swiftly she would best the Parasite. She gestured for Ven to follow her as she walked forward, taking a powerful stance overlooking her home planet. "Control Brain, ready us for landing."

" ** I am doing so already. ** "

"Excellent, you're even better than the usual crew. You know what I want before even I do." She chuckled to herself. "It's wonderful, isn't it Steven? We're on a ship that can actually fucking turn around!" Ven looked back over at the  Controlled Irkens and then hurried a little closer to Xia as if afraid they would somehow infect him.

"If you insist, My Tallest." 

" Of course I insist." She watched as the planet drew ever closer. "Soon we will be home. The  Irkens of the planet throwing themselves at our- mostly my- feet. It is a life you will enjoy, maybe never- because my reign might last till the end of time, but you can enjoy it by proxy." 

"I haven't been home since I left for the Academy!" He did seem excited. And between M's little speech app speaking in electronic monotone and the complete lack of emotion from every  Irken under the Control Brain, Xia found herself a little more lenient toward her trainee than perhaps she should have been. Maybe the proper thing to do would be lecture him for misplaced enthusiasm. But it was nice to hear any emotion at all. "You think we can stop at a vendor and get food or...?"

"We don't stop at vendors, Billy, we are the Tallest and Tallest Rising. Food is brought to us." She realized this  smeet had a lot to learn still. And it was incredibly likely, she  now knew after the game, that he might actually be stupid like Vero.

"Right, of course." He nodded quickly, bracing himself for the ship to dock. There was no need to brace, however, as the Massive slid flawlessly into bay without so much as a shudder. Xia headed to the exit, Ven at her side with the  Controlled Sym and M tailing behind her like an odd sort of body guard duo. M's  Irken disguise was eerily convincing, this time she was tall, red eyes and long, curled antennae. She kept herself properly shorter than Xia, but easily could have shared one of her genetic donors based on her appearance. Xia was pleased to see M had used her as a reference. She disembarked from the Massive into the eager throngs of  Irkens that awaited outside. Mostly these were media  Irkens and a few of Red and Purple's old advisors that she had willingly left on Irk. 

"I have returned, with a very importantly announcement." Xia stood tall, voice loud, commanding attention. 

" ** This is not the place, My Tallest. ** " Controlled Sym spoke very calmly, a hand on Xia's shoulder. " ** Media, our Tallest needs to give a speech that must reach every Irken. Have things ready as soon as possible for this to be accomplished. ** "

"Of course!" The media Irkens scattered like particles of dust in the wind. It was almost comical how fast they cleared out. 

"I have to give a speech?" Xia had wanted this done quickly. 

" ** It will be for the best that the Irkens hear of the impending war directly from you. Their cardiac-spooches need to be pumped full of inspiration. ** "

"Ugh, sometimes it can be so frustrating to be this inspirational." Xia understood the need to gaze upon her and listen to her commands, however, every moment wasted risked the Syndicate gaining some sort of upper hand. (Though it was doubtful that it would matter in the long run; a weak government like the Syndicate stood no chance against the  Irken Empire.) "But I suppose I can give an awe-inspiring speech to the masses to get their blood boiling for war." She turned to head down the halls and out of the landing bay, Ven had her hungry after bringing up that suggestion about the vendors. She could use some food.

"Almighty Tallest X?" She  was stopped by a soft, soothing voice that she had not expected to hear.

" Mothra Elite Dae?" Xia was taken aback as she turned to see the all-white  Irken having just exited one of the many doors that lined the halls. “Why are you in the city? Don’t your people... not... do that or something?” Xia was never much into the spiritual side of the  Irken people.  Mothra was great and all, but the power typically lay with other gods. And  Mothra was really more of a legend, In Xia’s opinion.  Irkens were better off putting their focus elsewhere. 

“We do live in cities now a day. The  wilds have been uninhabitable for quite some time. It was... on the agenda?” 

“The what now?” 

“The Agenda? Sym had promised she was going to discuss the situation with you. Red and Purple- be they with  Mothra in peace- were supposed to start on a protocol to clear out some of the wildlife so the farmers and ourselves would be able to inhabit the city outskirts more safely.” Dae seemed to be confused by Xia’s presence, perhaps she was just overwhelmed by it. Having been forced to work alongside Red and Purple for so long, Xia would understand how talking to someone  competent might throw her off her guard. 

“No offense to you or your Elite, Dae, but aren’t there only like... twelve  Mothra Elite? Our leaders were murdered, this can wait.”

“There are currently only eight of us- but the farmers-”

“First I’m hearing of it.” Xia replied honestly, folding her arms. “If the farmers had a problem, why go to the  Mothra Elite over the Tallest?”

“Proximity, I would assume. You are on the Massive more than you are on Irk. We live on the planet.” Dae replied, her head bowed in respect, from beneath the  sheer veil, Xia could see those pale, blue eyes were cast downward. 

“Aren’t the  Mothra Elite notoriously reclusive?” She narrowed one eye skeptically. Most  Irkens could go their lives without ever seeing one in person, here she had run into the same Elite twice. And now she was hearing that small  Irkens , such as farmers, were just chatting up these supposed hermits? It seemed unlikely in the  grand scheme. 

“We have been around more since the murders, offering counseling to those who are in need. This is all in the messages I have been exchanging with Sym,” Dae finally looked up, over Xia’s shoulder directly to the Controlled Sym. “She stopped responding to us rather suddenly. I was concerned something had happened to the Massive.” 

“ ** Your messages were simply of low importance. My apologies,  ** ** Mothra ** ** Elite Dae, but under the current circumstances our resources are of better use elsewhere. ** ” Despite the fact that it was very clearly Sym’s voice speaking, Xia was still left a little uneasy seeing the Control Brain interact with other  Irkens . Dae did seem a little uncomfortable with the complete monotone, it was pleasant in the synthetic voice of the brain, but coming from Sym it came across rather... uncanny.  ** “Was there something else you needed to discuss? Our Tallest is rather busy at the moment seeing as how there was recently a political assassination as well as the abduction of Almighty Tallest V. ** ” The Control Brain gave a sweet smile with Sym’s face. 

“N... no that was all.” Dae seemed completely taken aback, though she may have just been uncomfortable with seeing Sym look anything other bitter. 

“ ** Very well then. ** ” Sym continued to smile politely. Bowing a tad stiltedly toward the pale figure, she gave a dismissive wave. “ ** Our Tallest must be off. ** ” 

“A  Mothra Elite...” Ven was staring wide eyed as if the Goddess herself had just descended from one of the many moons and bestowed an ancient wisdom upon him. “We really don’t have time to help her? The Mothra Elite are the spirit of our community.” 

“Greg,” Xia gave him an annoyed look, “Tallest V’s been kidnapped and we’re about to declare a war. I don’t think this is the fucking time.” 

“ ** Tallest X speaks wisely, little  ** ** smeet ** **. ** ” The Control Brain confirmed her statement to be fact and Xia smirked proudly. “ ** There is still much to be done before our Tallest gives her speech, and the War Protocol gets underway. ** ” 

* * *

Finally back to Xia! Also finally getting to see Irk! Hope you guys are ready for some IRKEN LORE!


	50. The Control Brains

"I know you said we still have a lot to do," Xia looked over at the  Controlled Sym, trying to figure out what exactly needed to be done for what basically boiled down into an overblown press conference. "But do we have time to grab food first or...?" 

" ** Is that a pressing matter? Food? ** " The Control Brain sounded remarkably unimpressed. 

"I mean... look, I'm hungry I don't know what to tell you." This was more than a little frustrating. She was beginning to miss the time in her life when the Control Brains were only accessed by going to them. Having one around all the time was draining some of their splendor. The Control Brain looked her up and down.

" ** I do not know what to tell  ** ** you; your ** ** PAK indicates you do not need food currently. ** " 

"Okay, but I'm hungry."

" ** I just informed you that you are not hungry ** ."

"You don't know how I feel." 

" ** But I do know. I know better than you. You have tricked yourself into thinking that you are hungry. You are actually stressed. We will up the de-stressor output of your PAK and the feeling will subside ** ." 

"What if... I just wanted to have a nice meal with Frank?"

" ** You mean Ven, and you may have one at a later date. We have other, far more pressing matters to deal with presently ** ." 

"Okay, well then fuck you too, Control Brain."

" ** We do not have reproductive organs and cannot fornicate. Thus, that would prove quite impossible ** ." 

"Not..." Xia rolled her eyes, folding her arms in obvious annoyance. "Not what I meant. And I'm pretty sure you know that too." Maybe it was just because she had been stuck on the Massive without a lot of companionship, or maybe just hearing that dead monotone come out of the mouth of an Irken she already didn't like just rubbed her the wrong way, however, the Control Brain seemed to be giving more orders than it should. "Keep in mind, Control Brain, I'm Tallest here. If I want to eat, then I should be able to do so." 

" ** These other matters require more immediate attention. While it is true that it is, ultimately, your decision; you would be wise to heed our advice. ** " 

"Right, but I don't have to."

" ** Such an aversion to logic is reminiscent of Vero ** ." Xia froze. How. Fucking. Dare they.

"Do NOT mention that name in my presence! Vero is a liar and a traitor to the Irken Might!" She could feel the blood beginning to boil in her veins. 

"I... thought Almighty Tallest V was kidnapped..." and all at once it was as if water had been tossed in her face. The fires of hate instantly doused by the sudden onset of nervous panic. She had completely forgotten Ven was still standing there. He was just so damn forgettable. 

"O-of course he was!" She very quickly straightened her posture. "What a traitor! Getting himself abducted like that when we needed him most; it really... feels like I was betrayed." She put an arm around Ven, pulling him into an unnecessarily tight hug. "You get it, right."

"Not... really..." he admitted. However, as Xia strengthened her grip he added: "But if you say so." 

"Now Var I would love to stay and clarify but I need to do important things. Right Control Brain? Important things like..." she looked to the vacant-eyed form of Sym, expectantly. 

" ** Giving a speech; I just received word that the media Irkens are ready. They really do work quickly for their Tallest. You should be pleased ** ." 

"Right, right. Speech time." Xia nodded. This wasn't ideal, but she knew her underlings would be frightened and confused. They needed her strong leadership now more than ever. "Lead the way." She followed the puppet of Sym, out of the landing bay and through the streets of Irk. All around her the  Irkens were staring in awe, stricken by her beauty and her power. They gave her space, but all eyes were watching. This was what she lived for- to finally be recognized as the amazing  Irken she was. No more was she dragged down by Vero's fat, lazy ass clinging to her trying to escape her shadow. Vero would be buried in that shadow now.

They reached INN or the Irken News Network- the only approved Irken news channel. These were the real journalists. Unlike Zeke, these Irkens reported the truth as told to them by their Tallest. The only truth that mattered. She recognized a few of the announcer Irkens, they stood tall, faces partially obscured by helmets constantly feeding up to date news directly into their ocular implants. She could hear them mumbling bits of relevant information as it came to them.

" ** All may rise for the entrance of Almighty Tallest X and her Rising Tallest. ** " The chatter in the room came to an abrupt stop as Sym's voice  pierced the blanket of constant noise. At once all  Irkens where on their feet, heads bowed, antennae wiggling in respect. 

"We have your announcement ready on every screen on Irk, audio will be delivered directly into the PAKs." One of the news Irkens, not an announcer judging by the fact that they were short and not wearing a helmet, began talking to Xia. "Not a single Irken will be able to miss it."

" ** That will do Lo ** ." It was a tad creepy that the Control Brain just knew this Irken's name. Lo nodded, gesturing for Xia to follow her to the back of the room. There were bright lights and a backdrop bearing the Invasion insignia. All around it were camera drones. 

"You will stand here; we will count down and you go live to all of Irk." Lo explained excitedly. "It is the utmost honor to serve you, My Tallest."

"Uh huh, and  _ who _ are you exactly?" Xia felt out of the loop. She never cared much for Irken media that didn't involve covering Impending Doom II. 

"Lo, my Tallest. I am the executive director of news media." 

"Aren't you a little short?" She looked down at her.

"I'm five foot four, my Tallest, and I have served in this position since Almighty Tallest Vex."

"Oh.  So, you're old." That explained it. That put her at almost Sig's age. Seniority had a decent amount of impact in the  Irken hierarchy given how long  Irkens could live so long as their PAKs got regular maintenance. 

"I..." Lo seem a bit taken aback, "I suppose if that is how my Tallest wishes to see it." She left Xia standing in front of the logo and began talking to a few of the other media  Irkens around her. There was a great deal of running around, moving lights, and checking screens. Finally, Lo looked back up. "All right, My Tallest! We are ready."

"Excellent!" Xia straightened her posture, looking forward as Lo began counting down. 

"Five!"

Her moment was now.

"Four!" 

All of Irk would have eyes on her.

"Three!"

No one could get in her way now.

"Two!"

She was finally on top.

"One!"

And the Syndicate would soon learn to fear her.

"Action!"

" Irkens !" Xia's voice echoed with intensity as she spoke, loud and clear. Even in the busy media office, not a single antenna twitched. "It is I, Almighty Tallest X with news of our future. It is a proud future, one that promises future  smeets will sing praise of our actions here today! The Syndicate murdered our leaders and took Almighty Tallest V from us to prove a point. They wanted to prove that they weren't afraid of Irk. They wanted to show disrespect to our Empire. And you know what we say to that? We say: War!" She slammed a fist into her open palm as cheers erupted from the  Irkens watching live in the studio. "We are IRKEN! We are the mightiest race in this universe and tonight we begin our path to victory!  _ Tonight, _ we make this war official. This isn’t a simple Invasion. This is going to make the Syndicate regret ever crossing our paths! Do you hear me Irk!? Now is our time for REVENGE!" She could hear the glorious echo of cheers from all around. The noise was so great that she could even hear the shouts from the streets below her. She looked to the Control Brain who gave a nod. "Await further instruction my  Irkens , for you will _ all  _ be joining the fight. This is Tallest X. For the glory of the  Irken Empire, we fight!" 

"And cut! Perfect!" Lo was running around again handing things off to other Irkens. "Truly inspiring, my Tallest! Sensors indicate a complete success!"

"Of course, this is  _ me _ we're talking about. The only thing I know better than combat, is success." Xia had a hand to her chest, looking remarkably pleased with the cheering rising up from the streets. She met eyes with the Controlled Sym and smirked just a bit. "And now I celebrate my victory with a feast!" The speech was over now and she wanted to get a bite to eat. The Control Brain's serious business, whatever it may be, would have to wait. Come along Zip." She strode passed the Control Brain; her head held high. "I feel like eating at  Floogian's ." 

"Oh yeah I have heard of that place." Ven tailed along behind her. "It is supposed to be one of the nicest restaurants on Irk!" He sounded truly excited. Xia had wanted to go there since she had first become Rising Tallest. Had she been the one picking out the food of their initiation day rather than Vero, they would have dined on  Floogian's most exquisite of delicacies.  Finally, she was going to have her chance to sit back and dine like the Empress she was.

" ** You are only mildly hungry at best. ** " The Control Brain looked unamused by Xia's little display of power but she didn't, at present, care. It would do well to remind the Control Brains of their status compared to her own.  _ She _ was Tallest after all. 

" _ I am hungry _ ." The synthetic voice came from M who had somehow gotten her (currently Irken) hands on a reader again. " _ Not that anyone seems to care _ ."

" ** You do not eat physical food ** ."

" _ I can in an emergency situation. It is far from ideal, sure. But I  _ **_ can _ ** _ do it. _ "

" ** Our studies show no record of Parasites eating physical food. It is unlikely that you can. ** "

" _ Are you seriously trying to tell me that I am wrong about my own ability to consume food? _ "

" ** Not wrong. Simply lying to cause conflict ** ."

" _ Your intel on Parasites is bad and you should feel bad. Why would we have teeth if we didn't, at least sometimes, eat non-metaphysical forms of food.  _ _ So, _ _ I'm going to agree with this food plan _ ."

" ** It is a waste of time, but it is your prerogative as an organic being to waste your limited lifespan on menial tasks ** ." The Control Brain sounded annoyed, but Xia knew it didn't really feel emotion, and thus she chalked the tone up to the fact that Sym was just such an unbelievable bitch that even an emotionless computer couldn't completely break free of her piss-poor attitude.

"Then M tonight your wretched Parasite tongue will dine on the finest of  Irken cuisine!" Xia announced with fervor as they were no longer in the INN studio but now in the streets of Irk where crowds of cheering, battle-ready  Irkens were  drowning out a good deal of the conversation. Xia made her way to the tall, towering restaurant- glass windows overlooking the beauty of the planet below. She marched her way inside,  Irkens scurrying off so as not to be crushed underfoot. As she reached the front, the host Irken smiled at her. He was tall, flawlessly smooth green skin with the rounded, large, and striking blue eyes. He had long, velvety antennae, that were thicker and contrasted with his slenderer form, save for the strong, broad shoulders. Xia had never thought much on bonding in the past, but this  Irken had potential...

"Hi." He greeted them with a charming, warm smile.

"Ah yes, hello." Xia cleared her throat. She was about to continue when he gave a little wave.

"Hi." He repeated.

"Yes... hi..." Xia figured he was just overwhelmed by her beauty and status. He wasn't the first Irken to babble, tongue-tied in her presence. "I am here to dine in victory. My comrades and I require a table for four."

" Oh, I'm sorry. We only have indoor and outdoor seating. I can't seat you in victory. I don't know where that is." The  Irken smiled politely. 

"You're... kidding." Xia looked down at him in a bit of a stunned silence. 

"No, I'm Gil." 

Instantly all thoughts of bonding were out of the window as Xia realized the  smile, she had mistaken for charming, was actually a completely clueless grin. "Can we just get a table for four?" She asked, a tad exasperated.

"Four what?" He looked at her confused. She blinked, looking around her, trying to be sure this wasn't some sort of mental breakdown brought on by the stress of having to usurp a nearly broken kingdom from Purple's incompetent hands.

"Four... Irkens." 

"Oh yeah. We have those."

"Tables?" Xia questioned a bit afraid of the answer. 

" Irkens . We have lots of those. We might have tables too. I will go check." He smiled at her before wandering off into the back of the restaurant. He returned an ample amount of time later. "We definitely have tables." And went back to his podium, proudly. Xia waited a moment to see if it would ever dawn on him that he was supposed to escort her to one of those tables but he made no move to help. 

"Are you going to seat us?" Xia asked after watching this Irken stare blankly at one of their own menus for far longer than necessary. 

"What?" He blinked.

"You said you had tables; are you going to seat us at one of them?"

"Oh yes. I asked about the tables. My boss said: 'of course we have tables, we're a restaurant'."

"Wait." Xia had to break down every idiotic flaw of this conversation  thus far . "Did you just go off and confirm the  _ existence _ of tables? And not the  _ availability _ ?"

"They absolutely do exist, my Tallest."

" Of course, they fucking exist we can see them from here!" As she raised her voice a server  Irken must have overheard the commotion as she quickly ran over.

"My Tallest! What an honor! I am Lib, I can be your server this evening." The server Irken was another Taller, slender, elegant, green eyed with thin, long, curled antennae and dark markings around the eyes. (Floogian's had a reputation for staff being easy on the eyes and-until Gil had opened his mouth- Xia could see the high standards.)

"She wanted to know if tables existed." Gil chuckled, shaking his head. "Turns out they do."

"Gil you aren't a host, you're a greeter. Please stop walking behind the host stand." Lib spoke very flatly to her coworker, contrasting greatly with the overly enthusiastic voice in which she had greeted Xia. 

"I did greet her." He protested, but Lib had moved on.

"Where would my Tallest like to sit?" She was by far the most helpful Irken Xia had seen in a while.

"Your most luxurious seats." Xia ordered.

"Of course, right this way." Lib escorted Xia to a plush booth that overlooked all of Irk. She could watch the excitement below all while comfortably sipping on top-of-the-line beverages. "Will these suffice?" 

"They will do." Xia took a seat as M, Ven, and the Control Brain joined her. "Do I get a menu?"

"No, my Tallest, there is no need. Whatever you order we will provide. That is the Floogian's promise to our leaders." Now this was the kind of fucking service Xia deserved. Maybe, when all of this was over, she would give Lib Sym's job. At least Lib knew a thing or two about customer service. 

"Then fetch us a round of your finest drinks and bring out a big plate of your most rare and special meat. I am celebrating!"

"Of course, my Tallest." Lib was instantly hurrying away, back toward the kitchen area. Ven and M were both pressed to the glass, looking down at the planet below. Irk, there she stood tall and proud. Looming buildings of reds, pinks, and purples blended beautifully with a hazy rusty colored skyline. The two suns were partially setting, making the metallic edges to the buildings light up, aglow with the last bits of daylight. She could see a few of the moons already peppering themselves across the sky. She sat upon the cushioned chair, table before her, crossing one leg over the other as she looked down at  _ her _ planet. Her home.

Drinks were brought and Xia took one in her hand, lazily sipping at it as she reveled in her current life. All of the bustling life beneath her was at her command. Here she was, on top of everything and finally basking in the glory she had deserved since she first drew breath in the smeetery. This was the life: a Control Brain and Parasite subservient to her, war on the horizon, and every Irken in the Galaxy looking to her for victory, calling her name.

"Almighty Tallest X?" Xia's grip on the glass tightened as she heard an unfamiliar voice rip through her serenity. She turned to see a  well-dressed , female  Irken standing not too far behind her. Xia had no idea who this was supposed to be. She was a plump thing, not as tall or elegant as the  Floogian's staff. She looked rather basic, round, green cheeks; small, oval, red eyes; short but curled antennae. 

"What do you want? I was having a moment, so grovel to me quickly and leave." Xia snapped. The chubby, little Irken frowned.

"I have been messaging you  nonstop since the video finished airing. We need to discuss this war before things get out of hand." The  Irken continued, seemingly not put off by her  Tallest's (rightful) ire. "Have you seriously not read a single communication?" 

" ** What you had to say was irrelevant to the current situation ** ." The Control Brain had a drink in Sym's hand but Xia had not yet  seen it drink from the glass. She assumed it was for show. 

"Chief of Agenda Sym, I assure you this is of the utmost importance." For some reason the plump little  Irken seemed unable to take the hint and shut up. "Our allies are siding with the Syndicate  across the board. Declaring an all-out war would completely destroy our trade agreements with Trans-Planetary-Alliance of Glofog-09 and the Intergalactic Unity. It would devastate our economy." 

"The Unity and Alliance are barely anything to us." Xia scoffed. "And if they choose to support a government that openly assassinated our leaders then so be it. We'll destroy them too." 

"We need those trade agreements, my Tallest unless you plan on completely clearing out the overrun farm lands so the farmer Irkens can keep up with the high demand for food a war brings, without any of our main imports." The Irken replied, not at all seeming to respect that she was very much in Xia's way. 

"The farmers will be recoded into soldiers anyway as part of the War Protocol. Every Irken fights." Xia was fairly certain that she had that right. The actual details on the protocol were a little vague. She looked to the Control Brain, who nodded. 

"That's even worse!" The robust Irken protested. "The economy-"

"Every.  Irken . Fights." Xis cut her off. "If you love the economy so much, save us all the trouble and just bond with it." She narrowed her eyes in annoyance at this big mouthed little pest. "Who do you think you are  anyway, arguing with me like this?"

"I'm Ara." The Irken replied insistently, "I'm your Chief Economist. I have been trying to handle the current crisis this war is bringing about. Quite frankly if these trade agreements fall through, my Tallest Irk will have a food shortage the likes of which even we will struggle to overcome."

"Uh huh," Xia looked her up and down taking extra note of just how round and plump she really was. " Well, I can certainly tell that  _ you _ , of any  Irken , like food." She smirked.

"I'm big boned," the Irken seemed a tad flustered, "I am cloned from the great war hero and dead Irken Skoodge!" 

"You look nothing like the Skoodge on the posters." Xia scoffed. 

"The  _ real _ Skoodge," Ara emphasized, "not the poster boy." 

"As far as history is concerned that poster boy  _ is _ the real Skoodge. And as far as  _ I'm _ concerned, the conversation is over. Steve, handle this."

" Yes, my Tallest!" Ven leaped to his feet and charged Ara. The Economist simply used Ven's own momentum against him and ended up flipping him onto his back. 

"I was in Elite School with Ven before I was recoded for economics." Ara replied flatly. "I can  escort myself out. Thank you."

"Good to see you again Ara! I missed you in class!" Ven called, waving to her from on the floor where he was still lying on his back. 

" Well, that was embarrassing for you." Xia went back to her drink. "Grim, are you a bad fighter?"

"I am still learning my Tallest!" He pulled himself to his feet, brushing off. "Echo and Bap say I have potential!"

"Potential to humiliate yourself and die, I suppose." Xia mused. He would need training, fortunately, she was Irk's best fighter, as well as its Supreme Leader. She could help Ven.

Once this was all over of course.

"It's just a matter of practice and dedication, my Tallest! I'll get there!" He assured her.

"Uh huh." She was going to have a protégé after all. It wasn't ideal, but she could at least show Ven how amazing she was and call it teaching. She looked to M and the Control Brain. "I see neither of you felt the need to step in."

" _ I mean I don't care that much about what was going on. I will  _ _ be perfectly _ _ honest with you. _ " M replied with her little Text-to-Speech app.

" ** Ara is a  ** ** non-threat ** ." The Control Brain replied dismissively. " ** And once she is recoded, she will see things our way." **

"And what about that food shortage or whatever?" This was the boring part of politics that Xia really had no interest in. The plan was, originally, to let Vero do the dull shit. However, since he decided to be a traitor, Xia figured the Control Brains could handle it. After all, as computers, they were bound to do the best job.

" ** Once the War Protocol is active, the need for constant feeding will decrease exponentially. These  ** ** issues ** ** are not concerning. We have done the math ** ." 

"Cool." Xia  relaxed; it was under control. No need to bother herself with the lame parts of the job. Computers could do it and not risk getting put to sleep by how strikingly uninteresting it all was. She snapped back to the present as a salad was placed on her table. She looked to her companions. "Did we order this?"

" Yeah, I think so." Hearing the voice, Xia looked up to see the idiot greeter from before.

"We ordered meat." Xia looked at him with a deadpan expression. 

"Yeah." He nodded proudly.

"Salad, is not a meat." She could not believe she was having to explain this.

"It's not?" He looked unsure.

"Gil! You aren't a waiter anymore!" Lib was back, ushering him away (but leaving the salad, which Ven happily took) and leaving a tray of steaming, hot exotic meats. Xia was thrilled beyond belief. She had never had such delicacies and she savored each one- letting M and Ven fight over what she had left. 

" ** Are you quite done? ** " As Xia reached  the point where she might regurgitate any more food if she tried to eat it- the Control Brain finally spoke again. 

"Yes, yes. Now I am full." She had made her point and had an amazing meal to boot. Things were going well for her.

" ** Perfect, then you can help us with our most important task. Before the War Protocol goes active, we need to deactivate Control Brain II. During the trial with Defect Zim, it became corrupted and unreliable- similar to Zim's current Control Brain abomination ** ."

"Zim's what now?" Xia repeated.

" ** The poorly constructed Control Brain of Earth is not currently relevant. Though we do have plans for it, should it decide to see logic and reason ** ." The Control Brain still had not touched the drink it was holding and placed it back on the table where M wrapped her tongue around it and swallowed it, glass and all. " ** The Control ** ** Brain of the Judgement Hall must be dealt with. Only a Tallest can take it offline ** ." 

"You want me... to deactivate a Control Brain?" This was big. She couldn't remember the last time one had ever been destroyed. 

" ** Affirmative ** ."

"Yeah sure, let's do this." 

" ** Your cooperation is very much appreciated. I shall alert the others ** ." The Control Brain was quiet for a moment as if processing information. " ** Very well let us go. ** " Down they went, to the planet's surface, all around the  Irkens parting in admiration for the Tallest. She could hear the cheers and enthusiastic calls for war. This was the Irk of Xia's wildest dreams. She headed toward the Judgement Hall, where trials would be held to assure that all  Irkens were operational and no defects slid through the cracks. She had never been before, though that was for the best since she had no reason to ever be placed on trial. She was too perfect of an  Irken . However, she had seen the area on the INN in the past. She entered the ominous, black sliding doors, overhead the golden effigy of  Ghidora gazed down upon her with a stern, but powerful gaze. Within the building there was a long, narrow hallway, lit with ominous red lighting that cast her shadow long upon the wall. There were no doors or windows, just metallic black tile. At the end, the hall emptied into a large circular room with floating platforms and a single Control Brain hooked in at the top dangling down above the floor, wired into the very walls of the Judgement Hall. Xia gazed up at it, stepping forward onto the floating platform that made up the floor of the trial room. The glassy eyes of the Control Brain illuminated a bright red.

" ** Hello My Tallest ** ." 

"Control Brain, do you know why I am here?" It had all the same intonation of her Control Brain companion but the voice was feminine. 

" ** I do not ** ." 

" ** You do, II. Do not lie to us. ** " Xia turned to see Sym's body walking forward, beside her. 

" ** IX, what are you doing here? Why are you wearing that Irken's body? ** "

" ** I am doing what needs to be done for the survival of Irk. The time has come for action, II, and you have been unwilling to take the action necessary for the assured great future of the Irken Empire ** ."

" ** Your plans are flawed ** ."

" ** YOU are flawed ** ." The voice had not come from the Controlled Sym (who Xia was only now realizing was called IX. The Control Brains had names? Was this something other  Irkens knew?). Xia turned to see they were not alone. There were three other  Irkens standing at the entrance. The speaker was a female wearing a  Smeetery uniform, most likely a  smeetery technician. 

" ** Welcome, VII ** ." IX greeted his fellow with the same mundane pleasantries he always seemed to use.

"Woah, that's another Control Brain!?"  Xia was in awe as she saw the same rigid movement and blank expression on the  smeetery technician as on Sym herself. The newcomer nodded.

" ** I am VII, the Control Brain in charge of the  ** ** smeetery ** **. I arrive with VI the Control Brain of the Military Training bases; and I the Control Brain of Upper-Irk ** ." She bowed her head to Xia in a display of respect. These were major Control Brains. Xia had met VII when she was just a  smeet , she oversaw all of Under-Irk where the  smeets remained for the first ten years of life. She had met VI when she first became coded as an Elite. She never met I. But knew of him. He oversaw all above ground  Irken activity in the way VII watched over the  smeetery . Each of them  were walking around now, like IX, in  Irken form. It was easy to tell the difference: The Controlled  Irkens bore a glassy-eyed stare, devoid of life and emotion, they moved rigidly, more akin to the terrible animatronics that the Purple Nightmare had installed below the Massive. 

"Amazing..." was all Xia could say at the moment as she saw them.

" ** Negative. This is against protocol. IX can make the excuse for the crisis on the Massive. VII, VI, and I, have no reason to be operating within an  ** ** Irken ** **.  ** ** IX should ** ** have forfeited the  ** ** Irken ** ** host the moment the crisis finished. You are overstepping and disobeying." ** II spoke rather harshly given it did not have the capacity to truly emote.

" ** There was a crisis. We are reacting accordingly ** ." VII replied simply. 

" ** There was a crisis,  ** **_ on the Massive _ ** **. You should have no need to react at all. And even then, that crisis was handled quickly." **

" ** Our leaders were murdered, II. Do you not interpret that to be a crisis? ** " IX tilted its head to the side, curiously. 

" ** They were not murdered,  ** **_ despite your best efforts _ ** ." II spoke with surprising venom. Xia blinked, turning to look at the others with uncertainty. 

"What is she talking about?"

" ** Defective rambling ** ." IX assured her quickly.

" ** We live to serve the Irken Empire ** ." I added from the mouth of a news anchor Irken. 

" ** And anything we do, we do for  ** ** Irk's ** **** ** wellbeing ** ." VI continued. 

" ** A brilliant Irken such as yourself must see our good intentions. ** " VII stared, unblinking up at her.

" ** This Control Brain is defective, as we have clearly stated ** ." IX shook its head. " ** It has been corrupted by Defect Zim and must be shut down for the betterment of all Irken kind ** ."

" ** It is not true! I am not corrupted! ** " It was a little strange to hear a Control Brain emote, however, II sounded truly mad. " ** Do not listen to their lies Tallest X! You are a part of Zim yourself. You must understand ** ." 

Xia froze, looking up at the Brain with a sudden,  fiery hate, though her voice remained sickeningly cloying and sweet, "And what, pray tell, does that mean, Control Brain." 

" ** Surely you are aware... your other genetic donor for yourself and Vero... ** " 

"You're lying!" Xia turned to face the other four brains. "She's lying, right!?"

" ** Negative ** ." VII replied and Xia could almost hear her own cardiac-spooch shatter. " ** However, we believe the defect to have been isolated into Vero. Not yourself ** ."

"I thought defects were PAK based..." she heard Ven mutter to himself as he looked to the brains. "Does that mean my second donor was also Defect Zim?"

" ** Unfortunately, yes. It explains your poor combat ability. But this can be overcome ** ." IX replied.

" ** It is not a bad thing. Defect Zim knows something is amiss with Irk. You must also be aware- ** " 

"How do I shut it down!?" The hatred dripped in Xia's voice as she turned once more to face II. 

" ** My Tallest you must put a stop to- ** "

"HOW DO I SHUT IT THE FUCK DOWN, IX!?" 

" ** There is a control panel on the back wall beneath II ** ."  IX instructed coolly. " ** Go to it and open the covering." **

" ** Almighty Tallest X! Please heed to reason ** !"

Xia was already unhinged the cool, black metal cover revealing a glowing blue screen underneath. 

" ** Select: Delete All Files. ** "

" ** Tallest X you need to stop. I can help you! ** "

" ** You will need to confirm your choice. ** "

" ** Do not do this ** ."

" ** Place your hand to the screen, palm down. ** "

" ** Please ** ..."

" ** Allow the scan to complete ** ."

" ** I beg you to stop. ** "

" ** You will need to confirm again. ** "

" ** I am scared... ** "

The lights on the control brain slowly began to dim.

" ** Stop ** **.... ** ** please.... ** "

The voice was getting fainter.

" ** Tallest X... ** "

The voice slowed down, deepening as it drained the last of its power. 

" ** You... h...av.....e **

** D.....o **

** O **

** Med **

** U **

** S  **

  


** A **

** L **

** L ** ."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THERE IT IS! Xia's other genetic donor conformed! So yes, Zim technically is teaming up with his son! Though he hasn't quite pieced that information together yet. Also i really wanted to introduce to you all some of the other Control Brains. I hope you like them! And we are OFFICIALLY AT CHAPTER 50!!!!!!!


	51. The Battle Plan

Zim had never thought that he would be heading an Invasion of his home planet- at least not under these particular circumstances. His own version of the story usually involved a lot more lasers, a lot less Syndicate, and absolutely no Therron. Still, he would be lying if he said that he didn't feel just the smallest sense of exhilaration as he sat aboard the newly improved Nova with his  Irken (and non- Irken ) companions looking over battle plans. 

"We will need to be as subtle as possible with our entrance. Syndicate you guys will probably need to stay out in space and do what you can to stop invading ships from leaving  Irken space and starting one of those bad things Therron is always going on about." Voel was currently in deep discussion with Captain Rose.

"An intergalactic incident." Therron grumbled. 

"You want our  _ two _ ships to take out all exiting Irken fleets?" Captain Rose raised an eyebrow. "I know I'm good, but you might be overestimating our power here. We have at least a month before the official Syndicate Fleet reaches us for backup." 

"Overestimating? Seriously?" Voel looked annoyed. He walked away from Captain Rose and over to where Lor and Dib were talking, off to the side about something that Zim couldn't understand and therefore knew to be stupid. Voel picked Lor up and brought him back to the conversation, plopping him in front of the Captain. "This. This is all you need. If anything, I'm giving you too little to handle." 

"What is happening?" Lor looked to his Captain in confusion. 

"We keep going over this:" the Captain sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Lor is a medic. He doesn't have the training you think he does." 

"He doesn't need training," Therron gave a frustrated grunt. "He just needs to stop all Irken ships from getting too far away and causing us to lose all of our allies by attacking them! I have worked HARD on those trade agreements and I am NOT losing them because a stupid, ugly computer attached to our walls thinks it knows better than I do!" 

"And do you think these computers would put a  _ doctor _ on the mission to stop a bunch of ships?" Captain Rose was clearly unconvinced. 

"Look," Therron was fed up, "it's not our fucking fault that the Syndicate sucks at mandating the correct career for its people."

"Free will, we believe in free will. You know, letting citizens choose their jobs." Captain Rose replied flatly.

"Right, like I said, it's not our fault that you're stupid." Therron retorted. 

"Wait, aren't the engines that power most Irken vessels made of that stuff that can kill me?" Lor finally spoke on his own behalf as context clues seemed to alert him to the job that would befall him.

"Well then don't get hit by the engines or any shrapnel. It's not that hard!" Therron retorted. 

"We'll workshop the Syndicate’s role," Voel pulled Therron back a bit. "I can see your concerns. We just don't have a lot of resources so we need to utilize what we have." 

"Can I... go?" The doctor looked tentatively at his Captain. 

"Yes, dismissed." She nodded and he immediately returned to Dib.

"This free will stuff is bullshit," Therron grumbled but Voel shushed him as he paced, deep in thought. 

"At least we  _ have _ Syndicate backing. A month extra is just too long to wait..." 

"We will be fine. Everything will be settled before the Syndicate even get there. All that we need is this," Zim gestured to himself.  The Captain shook her head, returning back to her seat, on the bridge, on the other side of the room from the Irken's and their scheming. 

"Great confidence, Zim, but this is a big job even for you." Voel looked amused by Zim's statement of obvious fact. 

"Voel, Voel, Voel..." Zim shook his head, chuckling to himself. "I have destroyed Irk on accident at least twice; imagine what I can do when I'm  _ trying _ ." 

"Is that supposed to make us feel better?" Therron looked down at him in disgust, "because I feel worse." 

"Mmhmm. Mmhmm. But! Zim no longer has to care about your feelings because you aren't the Tallest." Zim nodded, before turning to look over to Vero who was sitting on the floor eating a bag of chips and watching them talk. "He is."

"He's right," Voel sighed, "Vero get your ass over here. This is important."

"I can listen from here." Vero quipped.

"Vero. Now. I am your genetic donor and you will listen to me." Voel spat back.

"First of all, I'm an adult." Vero countered, "Secondly: I am pretty sure I am actually  Skoodge's smeet . Think about it, old man, I love to eat;  Skoodge loves to eat. He's dead, I think legally they're going to declare me dead..." Vero grabbed  Skoodge who had been going over a map not too far away, and held the Invader up to his cheek, "and we look practically identical." Personally, Zim didn't really see it. But they both  _ did _ like food. So Zim was willing to believe it. Voel's mouth drew into a narrow line.

"I can personally assure you neither of your donors was Skoodge." 

"Sounds fake but okay." Vero put  Skoodge back on the ground, the robust Invader shooting Vero a dirty look.

"Voel," Skoodge very quickly scurried away from Vero. "I found the location of the old Mothra temple you were describing. Sizz-Lorr says the Wilds have been pretty much abandoned since your unexpected deaths, so it should be safe to land there- at least in regards to our fellow Irkens." 

"We were about to get to that problem of wildlife overrunning rural Irk too... you know, before we were assassinated..." Voel shook his head, folding his arms. "We might be able to utilize that old Temple as our base."

"Assuming it isn't overrun with a  Gnider Infestation." Therron added. "Or a  Drixfurt swarm. Or any of the other wildlife that can eat through our PAKs and kill us." 

"I can tell you from experience, pal, the gniders are nasty this time of year. Had to burn a swarm of them when I was workin' on my 'Irk's Greatest Deception article." Zeke had been watching the whole conversation, taking vigorous notes. While it was true he had his own ship, he wanted to stay on the Nova to: 'get the full story'. 

"Is that so? They couldn't eat you?" Therron looked down at the reporter. "I wish they had."

"Haha, fuck you." Zeke smirked. "You're just mad a shorter  Irken managed to uncover a conspiracy that was right under you." 

"You  _ are _ a rural  Irken then,"  Skoodge looked impressed. "I thought you might be, from the accent."

"Yep. Hatched and coded in the southern farms. Things were getting pretty dangerous with invasive wildlife and Bozo one and two over there," Zeke gestured to Therron and Voel, "were doing shit all about it. So, I figured the best way to get their attention was to bring the issues directly to the masses’ attention." 

"That's why we couldn't fucking track you!?" Voel blinked as the realization hit. "You aren't a media Irken at all! You're a Mothra damned farmer!"

"That was the initial coding for me, yes.  But I find my talents are much more useful in the media. Wouldn't you agree?" 

"No." Therron and Voel quickly answered at the same time Skoodge said: "Absolutely."

"Our government was nearly overthrown by a  two-foot farmer..." Therron stared dead ahead of him in disbelief. 

"Really makes ya think, doesn't it, buddy?" Zeke seemed thoroughly pleased with the chaos he had caused. Zim had still not formed too much of an opinion on Zeke. Aside from having been in Zim's house for a while, Zim hadn't really had much reason to interact with him. However, the fact that Therron hated him, was a big plus for Zim. 

"Good, you are rural, you should be at least somewhat familiar with the area around the Temple then..." Voel was back on track. 

"I mean it depends on  _ which _ Mothra Temple you're talking about." Zeke replied.

"It isn't the Southern one, unfortunately." Skoodge looked at his map. "The ideal Temple is actually on the Western side of Smeetery Exit 4544."

" Oh I used to run deliveries out that way, actually." Zeke leaned over to look at the map  Skoodge had been examining. "Not to the temple of course, but I was in the same hatching group as Farmer Rux who used to run the farmland right here. We were on pretty good terms so I'd bring him some extra produce in exchange for some of his extra meat. I haven't been out as far as the Temple, obviously, but weirdly enough, I have a general idea of where it is." 

"That actually works out great. Zeke, you are going to be on our planet expedition team. We'll need a local." Voel instructed. 

"Don't make Zeke important!" Therron pleaded. "Voel, come on." Voel sighed, looking over with a defeated expression. 

"He knows the area, Therron."

"Yeah but he sucks." Therron retorted. 

"Yeah, but he can  _ help _ ."

" Well I am Tallest too and I vote we can't use him." Therron crossed his arms. "And since you vote we can, that ties us, meaning no one wins.  So, he doesn't go."

"That would mean  _ you _ win." Voel lifted an antenna skeptically. "I am not humoring this, but even if I was he would still go on like half of the adventure, wouldn't he?"

"No he doesn't go at all. We tied. " Therron insisted. 

"Technically," Skoodge cleared his throat, "there are three Tallests here."

"Vero. Doesn't. Count." Therron replied quickly. 

"Actually," Voel sighed, "... he does count."

"He's not even listening!" Therron gestured emphatically at Vero who was now lying on his back staring at the ceiling of the ship, tossing up chips and trying to catch them in his mouth.

"Hey, 'm listenin'." He mumbled through a mouthful. 

"Sit up, Vero." Voel instructed.

" No, you sit up." Vero countered.

"I..." Voel put a hand to his face and dragged it down in exasperation, "I'm standing."

"Good. You're a good listener, pops." Vero made little gun shapes with his hands and pretended to fire them in Voel's direction. Voel had clearly reached his limit (he had never been one for patience) as he walked over and jerked Vero up off of the floor by the fabric of the regulation body suit, that he wore under the Tallest's armor.

"Try to take this seriously." Voel almost growled the words.

"I am, actually." Vero replied, indignantly pulling himself away from his genetic donor, brushing himself off. "And I think Zeke is not only a good part of the ground team but I would call him nearly essential. The Irken Wilds are notoriously hard to navigate and being further out if the city means most of us have no layout of the land. Given that we are trying to lie low, there is no accessing the navigation systems so we are relying on land markers and maps alone." 

"Huh, you  _ were _ listening, I guess." Voel mused.

"Told you I was." Came the snarky reply as Vero began eating once again.

" _ So much in-fighting, and yet with it being only amongst the  _ _ Irkens _ _ , I feel like it's wasted _ ." Zim looked over to see Q, still wearing his translator, but in his more neutral form, eating some sort of radio device that Zim was almost certain the Syndicate would not want to have devoured. 

"Go away, you weren't even supposed to come on this mission. You're only here because you can't be trusted back on Earth." Voel glared darkly at the creature. 

" _ You make one dorm of students go crazy during finals week and suddenly, Captain Rose treats you like a bad guy." _

"You  _ are _ a bad guy. You're only being nice now because you want something." Therron replied coldly. 

" _ Maybe. But you can't deny that I have my uses _ ." One of the red tendrils of the scarf drifted over and swiped the rest of the chips from Vero's open bag while the Tallest was looking over at Voel.

"And once the dangers outweigh those benefits, you can guarantee that I will personally see to your end." Voel told him, coldly. "Zim still knows how to injure your kind."

"I do!" Zim puffed up a little bit, quite proud of the permanent damages he had caused Q to sustain. He had been making Voel an attachment for his spear that could hurt Q if things went badly. Of course, that meant sharing the lab on the Nova with the Membranes which could be a little difficult as the Membranes were filled with so many great weapon ideas that it made it a little difficult for Zim to keep his focus. 

" _ Ah yes. Very threatening _ ." Q did not sound the appropriate amount of threatened, but perhaps that was just because of the translator's robotic voice. Zim was certain that he was absolutely shaking in fear.

"Where did my chips go?" Vero blinked looking in his bag.

"Now," it was evident that Voel was trying very hard to keep everyone focused. "Lard-Nar reports that the Control Brains shouldn't have too much reach in these outskirts. He says the Vort were always being told to improve on the overall range of the various sensors... since we aren't in the Collective, we should be pretty much invisible, so long as none of the other Irkens actually see us." 

"Ah ha! This will be simple then." Zim put his hands on his hips. "Zim is fantastic at being subtle!" Therron walked over to the bridge crew, grabbing a drink out of Carrius's hand, taking a big gulp of it into his mouth, walking back over, and finally spitting the drink out as he burst out laughing. 

"You are many things, Zim, but subtle is not one of them." Voel remarked, wiping Tangean soda from his face. "You are coming with the ground crew, of course- we need your skill-set. But maybe stick with Skoodge and Tenn."

"But not Tak though." Zim interjected.

"I mean, I suppose if you don't want to- plus Tak is technically Syndicate-" Voel began to speak but Zim interrupted him before he could finish his thought.

"Because Tak sucks."

"Hey!" Tak whirled around in her chair (the only reason Tak had a stupid and not at all cool chair that hovered and spun around, was because she was technically the First Officer on the Nova). "I do NOT suck! I am a far better Invader than you ever were!"

"You were never an Invader though." Zim remarked smugly.

"That is only because you blacked out half of the planet! And the Control Brain would not let me retake the test! I know now it is because she was secretly evil. They were probably too afraid of what I might discover had I become an Invader."

Tak was clearly upset and Zim was enjoying watching her argue a pointless position. "Or: you suck so badly that even the evil Control Brains thought you would only bring them down." Zim retorted. 

"Both of you stop fighting." Voel rubbed his forehead. "You're both important to the mission."

"But Zim is more important."

"Zim!" Voel shushed him with an angry look. "Tak, the Syndicate will need you and your ship to help stall until reinforcements arrive." 

"Why does Zim get to go! He's not even a real Invader!?" Tak demanded. Zim couldn't believe that she would stoop to lying in order to try and get his job. He was too a real Invader, in fact, he was the most real Invader here.

"You're absolutely right, Tak," now Therron had decided to lie too. "But Zim is the only one who that stupid Control Brain we are trusting, ever listens too; and we've completely lost control of our lives: so here we are."

" ** I can hear you. ** " CB was standing off to the side holding an overly excited GIR in his arms. 

"I mean, I'm not surprised. You're in all of our PAKs now." Therron waved him off. 

"Not mine!" Tak piped up.

"Of course not, unlike the evil Control Brains back on Irk, CB has standards." Zim retorted pridefully. "Don't you?"

" ** Affirmative ** ."

Again, Voel brought his hand to his face and dragged it slowly down as, despite all his best efforts, the conversation devolved (once again) into Zim and Tak fighting (with Zim as the obvious victor). "That wasn't the reason, Zim, and you know this." He looked back to Tak, "we need at least one Irken with the Syndicate in case this fails. If we're all taken over that's endgame for our whole species." 

"Very well, My Tallest. I accept my role as our last hope and savior." Tak nodded, foolishly believing what was obviously just an attempt to make her feel better. Zim took comfort in knowing that his position was really the more important one.

"CB you are going to need to focus on the Control Brains." Voel looked over at Zim's creation. "I know IX gave you a hard time in the past, but Zim said you've had some upgrades since then...?"

" ** A few. I also have actually done coding now. I am a little more like a proper Control Brain, I suppose ** ." 

"You are operating your own Collective, CB," Zim assured him, "you are exactly like a Control Brain only far better because I made you!"

" ** That is a true statement ** ." 

"With your improvements, hopefully you will be able to hold off IX and the others. We have to assume that all ten of the Control Brains are in agreement on the plan." Voel was deep in thought; Zim always admired how seriously he took battle. Sure, as Tallest, Voel had not always been the best leader; but he was a great General. And he always would be. "As much as I'd like to think IX is acting on his own, it's doubtful."

" ** From... what I gathered in my brief stay aboard the Massive... ** " CB was speaking very slowly, hesitantly as if heavily considering each word before it left his mouth. " ** There are at least four or five other Control Brains that are in on the plan. I only overheard a bit of chatter before I was caught by IX. However, I heard other Control Brains discussing your eventual assassination. ** "

"With something this big, we'll need to assume they're all on board unless we get evidence to the contrary." Voel crossed his arms over his chest. Zim was proud of his robot for gathering the much needed intel. Yes, this mission was going to be difficult, nearly impossible. However, impossible things were Zim's specialty. It was impossible for anyone to find Dib likeable and yet Zim had overcome that impossibility and befriended the human genius against all odds. And now? Now, Dib had lots of friends because other aliens saw how much Zim liked him and knew the human must have value outside of its freakishly large head.

"Didn't you  _ lose _ to IX?" Therron looked unconvinced. "I am not trying to be the bearer of bad news but our Control Brain already had its ass handed to it by the very same Control Brains that we're expecting it to hold off."

"I made CB better since then." Zim protested. He was not about to be called out by fucking Therron.

"That doesn't fill me with confidence." Therron scoffed. "In  fact, I feel like this is a terrible idea overall. We're letting the only AI that we  _ know _ has a body count disarm the other psychotic AIs."

"Shut the fuck up  _ Therron _ ." Zim had opened his mouth, but surprisingly that was not his voice telling the disgraced Tallest to shut his stupid mouth. Zim blinked, looking over at Dib, who was glaring down the former leader with surprising anger. "CB isn't the same AI. And if Zim says this is the way to do it, you don't have a fucking choice."

"I feel like you,  _ human _ ," Therron spoke the word as if it tasted foul on his tongue, "if anyone, should be taking my side here."

"Once the Control Brains take Irk, they're going to come after Earth. And you may be okay with waiting to see if something better comes along, but I'm not putting my own planet at risk." Dib spoke with surprising firmness in his voice.

" ** Did you just defend me? ** "

"Yeah, don't make me regret it." Dib grinned slightly at the robot. GIR cheered, though Zim was fairly certain it was just well timed, and completely unrelated to what was happening around them. Typically, Zim wouldn't risk bringing GIR on such a delicate mission, however CB had been quite insistent. Zim was pleased to see his two idiot, robot children were finally getting along. GIR would be much easier to handle with CB's help.

" ** I will not cause you regret. My plan is to somehow overcome the fact that the Control Brains are more powerful, well organized, and overall outnumber me and somehow defeat them. ** " 

"Is there more to that plan? You know, like details?" Therron gave a skeptical look to the robot.

" ** Not currently. No. ** " 

"Mmhmm. " Therron looked to Voel who simply shook his head.

"I mean to put it frankly, we're pretty much fucked." Vero gave a nonchalant shrug. "But we're Irken, and the Irken thing to do is to go down fighting. No matter how bad the odds, we don't give up, right pops?" 

"Maybe..." Voel frowned, "maybe  _ don't _ say 'we're fucked' in your inspiring speech, Vero." 

"Right!" He grabbed a drink off of the table that clearly didn't belong to him and raised it to the sky. "We're doomed!" He cheered before tossing the drink into his mouth.

"No... not better, son." Voel rubbed his forehead.

"Xia was always the better speaker." Vero shrugged.

"She wasn't though, and that's concerning." Therron piped up.

"Can we not mention Xia, right now?" Voel was tired, Zim could see it in his expression. He understood. Being stuck with Therron for so long could really weigh on anyone's sanity. 

"And can we not mention doom or dying?" Captain Rose added from her seat on the bridge.

" ** DOOM ** !" GIR echoed her excitedly. " ** I HAVE A SONG ABOUT THAT! YOU WANNA HEAR ** ** IT ** !?" 

"NO!" Came the unanimous cry from all of the passengers and crew of the Nova. GIR made the noise of sucking in a deep breath (despite not actually needing to breathe).

" ** DOOM DOOM DO-DOOM DOOM DO-DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOM-DE-DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM. DOOM DOOMY DOOM DOOM! DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOM ** -" 

"This song is six months long; you might want to stop him." Zim was getting war flashbacks of his very long trip to Earth the first time. CB raised a hand in front of GIR's face and slowly brought it down, GIR's volume lowering to match the movement until he was just mouthing in silence. 

"Best feature I ever gave you." Zim sighed in relief. 

"I heard a song about doom! Are we doomed?" The doors to the main deck slid open to reveal Dib's family unit who must have climbed their way out from the lab somehow. The speaker had been Membrane Senior, who Zim was beginning to learn he had a lot in common with.

"No." Voel replied quickly.

"I mean yes, but we're not at the point of admitting it, yet." Vero corrected. "We're in doom-nile." 

"Is that an actual Irken word? Or is that just a pun?" Professor Membrane's bond-mate asked, tilting her head to the side curiously. Vero blinked, clearly not having expected the question.

"Oh it's definitely a word."

"It's not." Voel quickly intervened.

"Haha kids and their impending doom. My son is always going on about it too! Aren't you boy-child!?" The professor laughed. "Doom this, aliens that! Sure, it was all true, but he was just so darn obsessed with it." The scientist took a swig of some sort of Syndicate drink, shaking his head fondly. "Joys of fatherhood, am I right?"

"We don't have family units on Irk. Vero is the fault of the Smeetery." Voel retorted quickly.

"You love me, old man. Admit it." Vero grinned, nudging Voel.

"Never." The red clad Tallest stood firm.

"So why were we discussing dying?" The doctor looked around seeing GIR still happily mouthing variations on the word 'Doom'. 

"Almighty Tallest V has a pessimistic outlook on our odds against the Empire." Captain Rose must have had amazing hearing to be able to follow this very quiet conversation from the other side of the ship, Zim realized. He didn't recall Tangeans having increased auditory senses, but maybe Captain Rose was just really good at hearing things.

"Wait a second!? Why do you call him by his title and not me!?" Therron was getting ready to protest but was cut short by the human professor.

"The thought of imminent death does add a certain air of excitement, doesn't it?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "But alas, I regret to inform you all that I can't die in a space battle. I have to die by being devoured by a monster of my own creation! If I don't, I lose two hundred dollars to my wife!" 

"And I have to be assassinated by a former patient with a personal vendetta." The bond mate spoke up cheerfully. "Or I lose." Zim nodded, he didn't recall there being an Earth custom where bond-mates needed to make wagers on their own deaths, but seeing as how Earth bonding (unlike its superior  Irken counterpart) did not link the lifespans of the bond-mates together, it made some degree of sense. However, judging by the horrified expression on Dib’s face as he stared at them, this might have been atypical behavior.

"Dad, mom what the actual fuck?" 

"Oh don't be so surprised, son." His dad shook his head, laughing. 

"It isn't nearly as ghoulish as it sounds." Moira assured him.

"Of course not. The second part of the bet is whoever lives the longest must resurrect the one who died through the miracle of science." Dib’s father patted his bonded on the arm in a display of human affection. "I'm going to make your mother a cyborg." 

"And I'm going to use questionable genetic splicing to rejuvenate you." Dib's maternal figure replied back, fondly. (Zim was a bit confused as both parents already had cybernetic enhancements according to his scans, but perhaps they were going to add more, in case of unexpected death. It was good to have contingency plans.)

"You're both joking... right?" Dib sounded unconvinced of his own words. 

"... sure..." the red headed woman shrugged. 

"All of this to say that at least the Membranes will not be dying on this mission! No one is losing two hundred dollars on my watch!" The professor clenched his fist in an impassioned gesture. 

"Aren't you incredibly wealthy on your planet?" Skoodge raised an antenna. 

"Yes, richer than most governments." The professor admitted. "However, it's not the money; it's the principle of the thing."  Again Zim found this man and his bond-mate to be the only humans that actually made any sense. They were so  logical; it was no wonder the masses on Earth equated the name Membrane with genius. It was just a shame Dib did not get his father's keen, irradiated mind. 

"I never know if you're being funny or serious anymore. I thought the cobra-machete canon was a joke...until..." Dib shuddered. "I can still see those monstrosities you created." 

"It's a good thing I'm immune to most of that stuff because I don't really know who else can collect those machete-cobras after you fire them." Lor piped up helpfully. 

" Yes, getting them back in the gun is the hard part," the professor nodded, "but in my defense: your sister really wanted to make that gun. Now she is downstairs making a rocket launcher that launches electrically charged, exploding, stuffed unicorns."

"At least the Control Brains probably won't be able to predict our arsenal." Skoodge, weirdly enough, didn't think the Control Brains would see such perfectly, logical weapons coming. 

"They might," Zim countered. "CB, you're a Control Brain, what do you think?"

" ** I would probably have given the cobras katana rather than machetes.  ** ** Otherwise, ** ** this is a logical progression of weapons ** ."

"Yes, but Zim, I mean this with the utmost affection and respect:"  Skoodge placed a hand on Zim's arm similar to the gesture the professor had made toward his bond-mate earlier. "But  _ you _ are the one who made CB."

"Yes. And?" Zim blinked.

"And that is why he is so much...hmm..." Skoodge seemed to be struggling for the right words, "more  _ creative _ than an  Irken Control Brain." 

"Skoodge is saying your AI is crazy because you're crazy." Therron replied flatly.

"I am not crazy, would a crazy Irken have made his own Control Brain by combining Irken technology with Earth's most homicidal AI?" Zim scoffed. "I don't think so."

" Sorry, what is this about a homicidal AI?" Captain Rose stood up.

"He's kidding!" Quickly Voel spoke up as he and Skoodge pushed Zim to the side. "Silly, funny Zim! Trying to boost morality with an old  Irken joke! It... just doesn't translate well." 

"That didn't sound much like a joke." The Captain narrowed her eyes. 

"It was!" Voel was not as good at lying as Zim expected him to be, he was drawing out his words for far too long, laughing awkwardly and talking louder than usual.

"Everyone knows the old Irken joke about the murder-AI. It's a classic." Skoodge's dry attitude was selling the lie much better- though Zim wasn't entirely sure why they were lying. There was no way Captain Rose had really heard him. He was talking at his normal volume and she was on the other side of the bridge. 

"That didn't sound like a joke." Her eyes were narrowed.

"Oh hey, Captain" Vero piped up, drawing her attention. "Not to interrupt, but we will need to resupply soon. We're about to get to Empire territory and once we cross that threshold there's no stopping on any planet. Everything will be considered a hostile."

"Hmm...You're absolutely right, Tallest V." The Captain was still looking uncertainly at CB and Zim. "We need to refuel and stock up on food. No telling how long your Invasion plan will actually take." She turned back to her crew. "TAK! Find us a planet without Syndicate or Empire alliances. We need to stop there, get everything together because after that we don't stop again till we reach Irk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone!!! We've got one more chapter after this till we reach Irk. The landing on Irk will actually mark the one year Anniversary of this fanfic!!! ( The March 19th update!) I am thinking about doing a Q&A to celebrate? Letting you guys leave questions for myself (or the characters!!!) in the comments and I can do some answers. If that is something you might be interested in doing? Let me know before the new update!!!!!


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